Colleen Brown's Blog, page 89
February 26, 2015
"As you’re heading for the door he’ll grab your hand, turn you around and while looking..."
As you’re heading for the door he’ll grab your hand, turn you around and while looking into your sorrow full eyes will tell you that he loves you. You won’t believe it at first but the way he touches you like he never wants you to go seems like enough convincing for a lifetime. So you stay, you go back to bed with him you use the rest of the time in the night to fuck each other like it’s the only way to apologize.
Have you ever noticed how sweet and sensitive everything is in the start of a new found interest? How everything around you looks like it’s been soaked in light and when you touch the skin of the one you’ve wanted for so long, it feels almost as safe as the way it does when you finally are in your bed after staying somewhere for a weekend. It’s always so dreamy in the beginning. It’s like being in your own personal film but you don’t need anyone in the audience because just his eyes on you is enough to make it feel like the entire stadium has been sold out just for this occasion. It’s always so tender when you explore someones body for the first time, with them exploring yours too. Like you were both made to go on this exploration and how right it finally feels that someone is finding new lands upon your skin. It’s always so beautiful in the beginning, always so ripe and raw and the only way time seems real is when you are spending time apart.
Not every love story that I have ever come across continues on in a hopelessly romantic way. Not every story where there is a conflict in the middle becomes resolved and the next day it’s happily ever after. I’ve seen so many love stories where the main character burns the pages before I can even find out what had happened to make it all fall apart. Not every love story is a story that you watch with envy because you wish someone would hold you like that, talk about you like that, fuck you like that, make you feel as if no one before you ever existed or came close. Not every love story is as beautiful as the resolution when they meet halfway on the Brooklyn bridge, run into each other in the street, see each other at a party that neither wanted to go to but had the obligation and everything that stopped them before will never stop them again because when it comes to love, who cares that he fucked another woman in the bed that you worked 2 weeks straight for. Because even though he was calling out the name of another woman, she was the one on his mind.
But there are some love stories though that I have read that still won’t end and every time I check to see how many pages I have left more appear because it’s not over until both are buried deep into the ground with their decaying bodies next to one another and even if they are no longer themselves they are somewhere with each other still in love because real love does not separate and real love does not mean until tomorrow morning or until I find someone new or someone who can give me every little thing that I want and have always desired because love is not about what you someone lacks but what you can make of it and how you can fill in those spaces with your own interpretation and still see that person as the person that you know you want to remain immortal with on those blank sheets of paper.
There are always two sides, two kind of endings and two ways a story can go. And as long as you go back and look at the characters that you only progressed with, grew with and did not see only one effort but two, then I think that’s a story worth remembering.
”- "I’m just waiting to begin my own," - Colleen Brown
February 25, 2015
"I’m not asking you
to save me, to desire me,
or to need me at every
and any moment.
All I am asking..."
to save me, to desire me,
or to need me at every
and any moment.
All I am asking from you
is to love me
even during the times
when you wonder why
you’ve stayed so long
in the first place.”
- CB
February 23, 2015
"There is so much
that I want to say to you
but I don’t think I will ever
have the courage inside of..."
that I want to say to you
but I don’t think I will ever
have the courage inside of myself
to say any of it. Do you know
what it feels like to have words
stuck in your throat but are unable to
regurgitate their meaning to the tip
of your tongue? If you haven’t
then count yourself lucky,
because there is nothing worse
than trying to swallow down
a meaning that only has the desire
to bring itself out in the open.”
- "It’s coming up, I can feel it," - Colleen Brown
February 22, 2015
my sister wore these to her high school dances in the 90’s and...
my sister wore these to her high school dances in the 90’s and she was trying to toss them out today and i couldn’t let her trash things from a monumental time so here we are
"I have written you letters
with my hopeful love stained
in black ink. I have tried
countless times..."
with my hopeful love stained
in black ink. I have tried
countless times trying to
convince you that as long
as you want me I am not
going anywhere. The routine
was starting to strain my heart.
I was tired of going back
and forth, trying to make you
see that my love for you
will never diminish with
the changing of seasons.
But it’s been becoming
too much lately, and my heart
is trying to convince me now
that there is no point
in holding on to someone
who can only think of reasons
when it comes to letting me go.”
- "I know what I want but I’ve never known about you," - Colleen Brown
Don’t think for one minute
that I have replaced you
with someone else
because I was lonely
or...
Don’t think for one minute
that I have replaced you
with someone else
because I was lonely
or because I needed
someone to fill in the spaces
of my heart where you
once called your home.
I have not abandoned you
for the sake of my own
selfishness. I left because
I saw no reason to stay
when the only place
our love will lead us to
is heartbreak.
livin’ in shades of cool
livin’ in shades of cool
February 21, 2015
"I fell
in love
with him
when I
was waiting
on you
to finally
make up
your mind."
in love
with him
when I
was waiting
on you
to finally
make up
your mind.”
- CB
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