Colleen Brown's Blog, page 84
March 28, 2015
"My hurt feelings are not yours to label. There is nothing irrational, over-dramatic or annoying..."
- CB
"I leave parties thrown by family, friends
and coworkers before anyone notices
that I am even gone...."
and coworkers before anyone notices
that I am even gone. Good, I like it this way.
I like not having to say goodbye to everyone
in the room who I know will only try to
convince me to stay. Even though the entire time
their silence pushed me into the corner.
I’ve done this for as long as I can remember.
Never hugging relatives before leaving
because if I had to say goodbye that day
or night, I didn’t want it to be the last goodbye
I’d ever have to say. My mother tells me
that I will regret it one day. That without
warning, I’m going to not say goodbye
during the wrong time and never again
will I be able to. But still, I take the risk.”
- CB
March 24, 2015
you’re not in this alone
you’re not in this alone
March 23, 2015
I was running late to work but I didn’t care because this...
I was running late to work but I didn’t care because this was worth it.
March 22, 2015
"You don’t tell anyone about how last week
you cheated on your boyfriend of almost 6 years
because he..."
you cheated on your boyfriend of almost 6 years
because he ignored you for an entire three weeks
and made you feel like a chore rather than a desire.
You want to tell your sister, your cousin,
even your mother, but you know that they would
dismiss your reason as an excuse
and remind you of the selfishness behind
your need for attention, like wanting to be
loved by someone who swore to always
put you first is a bad thing.
You already know you have no one
to blame but yourself, so to know
that everyone who matters most also thinks
your actions are unforgivable
just makes you scrub your skin harder.”
- "Does her side of the story mean less to you now?" - CB
"I taught myself long ago
how to live with my loneliness
so that we both get what we want.
I get to..."
how to live with my loneliness
so that we both get what we want.
I get to enjoy the small pleasures
while it gets my full attention
inside of my solitude. We’ve coexisted,
my loneliness and I. We’ve went on dates,
lost ourselves inside of films and books
and remained at peace with each other.
But now I’m afraid because I don’t know
how to tell my loneliness that I’ve met
someone who can hold my hand
while they hold my heart. Maybe I’ll let it
down easy. But who knows because I know
it will never be able to understand
how I can go from a sheltered solitude
to the inside of someone’s arms
where the possibilities are hopefully endless.”
- "My loneliness won’t be happy about this," - CB
March 21, 2015
What should I do, if someone I love doesn't feel the same about me and is, hopelessly in love with another girl who doesn't even like him back?
You can either keep putting yourself through this pain and wait to see if anything happens with your relationship or you can try to move on and invest your time and heart into someone who also sees you as someone worth fighting for. It’s really up to you, love. The only advice I can give you is rather vague because I only ever seen two outcomes with unrequited love.
March 20, 2015
"He told me that he loved me
while he was fucking me with his hand
around my neck and I said it back..."
He told me that he loved me
while he was fucking me with his hand
around my neck and I said it back to him
with my mouth pressed inside of his.
So many people have different stories
about how the one they miss the most
first said that they loved them,
but ours isn’t as romantic
as most of the ones I hear about
at work or in class or even
listening to on a conversation
that I was never invited to
participate in.
The first time we kissed
we were in his bed and before
he could ask me what I wanted
for dinner I asked if he wanted
to fuck me.
I always tell my parents a different story.
I tell relatives and cousins
that we had our first kiss during a party
when I thought the whole world
was against me but his lips told me otherwise;
that he had always been on my side.
It’s sounds more romantic,
more sentimental, like a story that sounds
as if we were made for one another.
But his body is so much more
than an escape from this world
for a few moments of infinite pleasure,
and I swear to you that his comforting eyes
and welcoming touch were not the only thing
that drew me to him.
But for now I’m going to
keep this story raw
instead fluffing it up
with romance and warmth
and reminisce about the time
when his hands were around my neck
and he sighed forever
into the the opening of my thighs.
- “We fucked as a way of saying forever,” - Colleen Brown
March 19, 2015
"It’s always the same story;
me in the process
of finally moving on,
letting go and..."
It’s always the same story;
me in the process
of finally moving on,
letting go and forgetting
about the pain that you
put me through,
and you
who would rather
see me alone
than to watch me
fall in love
with someone
who can give me
everything that you
never wanted to
give up.
- “Let me have my happy ending,” - CB
It will be here before we know it.
It will be here before we know it.
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