Colleen Brown's Blog, page 258

Typewriter series: #16

Typewriter series: #16

You didn’t fallin love with me,you fell in lovewith the feelingof testing watersthat you...

You didn’t fall

in love with me,

you fell in love

with the feeling

of testing waters

that you had yet

to grow familiar with.

And I fell in love

with taking a risk

that nothing supported

but my own

two hands.

I have never been able toadmit to my wrongs,and then I lost you.And after you werereally not coming...

I have never been able to
admit to my wrongs,
and then I lost you.
And after you were
really not coming back,
that’s when I had to
admit that I was the one
who was to blame.

Typewriter series: #15

Typewriter series: #15

The only momentsthat I willever rememberin my lifeare the timesthat I spentwith you.

The only moments

that I will

ever remember

in my life

are the times

that I spent

with you.

When my mothercaught me smokinga cigarette on theback porch withthe light off,reading Neruda,she...

When my mother
caught me smoking
a cigarette on the
back porch with
the light off,
reading Neruda,
she said,
"I did not give
you life to watch
you waste it away.”
And after those words
I threw the pack
of filtered nicotine
into the fire pit;
never to be
payed attention to
again.

what happened to the guy you went on a date with?

We were supposed to go out again but I became too tired and stayed home instead. His hands are beautiful, and his lips are pure magic, but I am too tired, too worn out, and too focused on my own goals to get all tied into someone. For the longest time I was always focused on finding love, finding someone to complete me, but now I think it’s time to start focusing on myself. And I know people say that so often. But it’s really true to me. I think you should develop a kind of love for yourself before you try to push love onto someone else. I am just too tired. My eyes and hands have had enough of this back and forth, ‘does he want me’ ‘does she want me’ kind of thing. I’m just going to write and wait it all out. I have so much time. Too much time to go on rushing into things that may not even be meant to be.

i’ve been drawing more, washing my hands more, and loving you more cautiously

i’ve been drawing more, washing my hands more, and loving you more cautiously

And I didn’t make love to youin a room with the door lockedbecause I am ashamedto be caught...

And I didn’t make love to you
in a room with the door locked
because I am ashamed
to be caught being near you.
I kept those doors shut
so I could tune out
everyone else
who surrounded us
that night. I wanted it
to just be me and you,
like how it was
always supposed to be.

Typewriter series: #14

Typewriter series: #14