Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 7
April 1, 2014
Elusive Chemistry .......
When I was in high school and took my first chemistry class as a junior, I felt quite ‘special’ ….. mainly because I was in a class surrounded by boys with perhaps only one or two other girls. Back in the early seventies while attending a small liberal arts high school, not too many girls were interested in taking subjects like chemistry, physics and advanced trigonometry, but then I was never typical in that regard. Mathematics had always come somewhat easily and natural to me. Therefore, having always been something of a ‘logical thinker’ these subjects were ‘no brainers’ and as a rule didn’t require much study ……. at least not until chemistry.
My instructor was Mrs. Virginia Hunt, and I’ll never forget the favorable impression she made on me. Although she must have at least been in her early sixties by then, she was sharp, no nonsense and she loved her craft, but chemistry went far beyond simple math to me, as it required a deeper understanding of how simple compounds – once combined – could create something entirely new, and my mind wasn’t grabbing it. Sensing that this time I was in over my head, I attached myself to the smartest young man in the room “Rich” who I ran neck-in-neck with in terms of overall GPA and the race for valedictorian. Rich – who later turned out to become a physician – and who was more than happy to become my lab partner, as I acted like more of an ‘assistant’ to him. He knew I was struggling, but he also knew I was smart and determined, and he respected that. As a result, I limped through and still managed to get my ‘A’ even though at the end of it I wasn’t quite sure how. I’d always turn in my ‘scratch sheet’ with my exams, and even if I failed to draw the right conclusion, Mrs. Hunt would give me partial credit for my process. I loved her for that.
Many years later, had I known how important ‘chemistry’ could be in terms of developing healthy, advantageous relationships, I’d have tried much harder to grasp the complex truths contained within the field of study. Now that I’m over fifty, divorced for over a dozen years and throwing myself back into the wonderful world of online dating, chemistry has once again become a focal point in my life. Word to single women everywhere …… if you’re feeling the least bit lonely, out-of-touch and in need of some attention, pluck down the necessary cash to sign up for ‘Zoosk’. The next step – if you haven’t already – is to snap a few flattering ‘selfies’ of yourself standing in front of a mirror. Smartphones are a wonderful invention for those like me who don’t consider themselves typically photogenic. You can snap as many shots as you wish until you find the right angle, the proper tilt of the head and an alluring smile that says something about who you are inside as well as out, and then you have to set about a course to write a small bio and what you’re seeking in a potential partner. Honesty, sincerity and integrity are crucial, or else you risk coming off as exactly the kind of person you’re trying to avoid …. lie about nothing. Then sit back and get ready to be bombarded with responses.
I average in excess of over two hundred per day, which in and of itself can be daunting …. especially if you’re like me and don’t feel you have enough hours in the day already. After the first two days, I seriously considered opting out, but determined to give this experiment at least one month, I have managed to hang in there. Sorting, responding – and I do respond to all those who have expressed a genuine interest – and then deciphering who is potentially a match worth further investigation. In the days since this process began, I have narrowed it down to just a few (decreasing rapidly) prospects who I am delighted to say have managed to impress me in ways I hadn’t quite expected. For me – someone who had more or less thought she’d seen or heard it all – I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the quality of gentlemen who just like me have sought to expand their horizons beyond their own backyard.
As I was narrowing, narrowing and further narrowing my list today, I couldn’t help but think about just how important chemistry is in terms of developing that initial attraction. When you’re young and still in school, if someone is ‘beautiful’ to you, you can’t help but develop an attraction that makes you want to draw him or her near, but as you age and begin to develop the qualities that will come to define who you are as an individual, chemistry becomes more difficult than ever to define in simple terms. Sometimes it is a certain look that says perfection is in the eye of the beholder, or a softening in one’s expression that says, “I understand you’ve been hurt, and I get that, because I’ve suffered too,” or that look of optimism that says, “Hope springs eternal in one who continues to believe.” Sometimes it’s a look of contemplation that says, “I’m still trying to figure out why any of us are here,” or a look of confidence that says, “I know exactly who I am and what I’m supposed to do.”
In short, I suppose for me the eyes have it! It’s never been about the perfect body or how much money one has in the bank, but rather how big is your heart and will it expand to make room for me? Will you pick me up when I’m down? And will you allow me to celebrate your victories as if they were my own? Will you welcome me into your family? And will you accept mine as an integral part of my life and that will never change? The one thing the past few days have taught me is this ….. if you’re willing to take a gamble and keep your heart open, love is still possible no matter who you are and where you happen to find yourself on the chronological scale …. if you just believe.
My instructor was Mrs. Virginia Hunt, and I’ll never forget the favorable impression she made on me. Although she must have at least been in her early sixties by then, she was sharp, no nonsense and she loved her craft, but chemistry went far beyond simple math to me, as it required a deeper understanding of how simple compounds – once combined – could create something entirely new, and my mind wasn’t grabbing it. Sensing that this time I was in over my head, I attached myself to the smartest young man in the room “Rich” who I ran neck-in-neck with in terms of overall GPA and the race for valedictorian. Rich – who later turned out to become a physician – and who was more than happy to become my lab partner, as I acted like more of an ‘assistant’ to him. He knew I was struggling, but he also knew I was smart and determined, and he respected that. As a result, I limped through and still managed to get my ‘A’ even though at the end of it I wasn’t quite sure how. I’d always turn in my ‘scratch sheet’ with my exams, and even if I failed to draw the right conclusion, Mrs. Hunt would give me partial credit for my process. I loved her for that.
Many years later, had I known how important ‘chemistry’ could be in terms of developing healthy, advantageous relationships, I’d have tried much harder to grasp the complex truths contained within the field of study. Now that I’m over fifty, divorced for over a dozen years and throwing myself back into the wonderful world of online dating, chemistry has once again become a focal point in my life. Word to single women everywhere …… if you’re feeling the least bit lonely, out-of-touch and in need of some attention, pluck down the necessary cash to sign up for ‘Zoosk’. The next step – if you haven’t already – is to snap a few flattering ‘selfies’ of yourself standing in front of a mirror. Smartphones are a wonderful invention for those like me who don’t consider themselves typically photogenic. You can snap as many shots as you wish until you find the right angle, the proper tilt of the head and an alluring smile that says something about who you are inside as well as out, and then you have to set about a course to write a small bio and what you’re seeking in a potential partner. Honesty, sincerity and integrity are crucial, or else you risk coming off as exactly the kind of person you’re trying to avoid …. lie about nothing. Then sit back and get ready to be bombarded with responses.
I average in excess of over two hundred per day, which in and of itself can be daunting …. especially if you’re like me and don’t feel you have enough hours in the day already. After the first two days, I seriously considered opting out, but determined to give this experiment at least one month, I have managed to hang in there. Sorting, responding – and I do respond to all those who have expressed a genuine interest – and then deciphering who is potentially a match worth further investigation. In the days since this process began, I have narrowed it down to just a few (decreasing rapidly) prospects who I am delighted to say have managed to impress me in ways I hadn’t quite expected. For me – someone who had more or less thought she’d seen or heard it all – I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the quality of gentlemen who just like me have sought to expand their horizons beyond their own backyard.
As I was narrowing, narrowing and further narrowing my list today, I couldn’t help but think about just how important chemistry is in terms of developing that initial attraction. When you’re young and still in school, if someone is ‘beautiful’ to you, you can’t help but develop an attraction that makes you want to draw him or her near, but as you age and begin to develop the qualities that will come to define who you are as an individual, chemistry becomes more difficult than ever to define in simple terms. Sometimes it is a certain look that says perfection is in the eye of the beholder, or a softening in one’s expression that says, “I understand you’ve been hurt, and I get that, because I’ve suffered too,” or that look of optimism that says, “Hope springs eternal in one who continues to believe.” Sometimes it’s a look of contemplation that says, “I’m still trying to figure out why any of us are here,” or a look of confidence that says, “I know exactly who I am and what I’m supposed to do.”
In short, I suppose for me the eyes have it! It’s never been about the perfect body or how much money one has in the bank, but rather how big is your heart and will it expand to make room for me? Will you pick me up when I’m down? And will you allow me to celebrate your victories as if they were my own? Will you welcome me into your family? And will you accept mine as an integral part of my life and that will never change? The one thing the past few days have taught me is this ….. if you’re willing to take a gamble and keep your heart open, love is still possible no matter who you are and where you happen to find yourself on the chronological scale …. if you just believe.
March 31, 2014
Kissing Frogs ........
Recently ….. actually very recently, I decided it was time to try my hand at online dating once more. Having just ended a long-term relationship due to the time and distance between us (He in NYC and I in Arkansas) it seemed the best method available to ease my ‘separation anxiety’. Break-ups are never easy ….. particularly when you still feel love and affection, but sometimes they are still necessary as a means to move one’s life forward in an attempt to live in a manner that coincides with your dreams. I’ve been forced to learn the hard way, it’s much more difficult to be lonely inside a relationship versus just being alone.
Divorced now for going on fourteen years following an even longer marriage to my high school sweetheart, I have grown to appreciate independence. There’s a lot to be said for being the ‘Master of Your Own Destiny’ even if that means deciding to spend an evening at home versus going out. I don’t have to ask permission to buy what I want – or even worse – ‘hide’ my purchase as I bring it into the house then pass it off as “this old thing”. I can watch what I want on television without a struggle and take as long as I choose getting ready to leave the house. I can act responsibly …. or not …. depending upon how adult I choose to be at any given moment. But then cooking and eating ‘for one’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In addition, there’s a lot of activity I opt out of just because I don’t want to go it alone.
I’ve had ample opportunity to have my ‘second childhood’ which occurred sometime during my mid-forties. I’ve sewed enough wild oats to choke a horse (or two) and now that I’m in my fifties I crave more quality time spent in concert with another, but finding the ‘right one’ at my age requires both hard work and dedication, as it seems I’m much more likely to get struck by lightning or run over by a speeding bus than find true love, and though I hate to admit it, that’s probably true.
When you are still growing up and in high school, a girl is surrounded by testosterone-infused young, hopefuls willing to do just about ‘anything’ to grab your attention. Jokes are easier to laugh at, because at 15, 16 or 17, life hasn’t had that much of an opportunity to burst your bubble in the form of heartache or heartbreak. When one suitor doesn’t work out, there seems to be another one or two anxious and waiting in the wings, ready and willing to take your mind off your current troubles. Then there’s college ….. but I was married by then, so I opted to become a ‘serious student’ versus doing the whole college thing.
Following a twenty-five year marriage where we basically lived apart for the last ten plus years, finding myself newly single within my forties was at the very minimum rocky at first. I no longer knew who I was as an individual. A nurturer at heart, with my children grown, I no longer had anyone to focus my love and attention on, and it took some time to actually learn how to love myself again, but once I did I discovered how to rebuild upon the remaining foundation after the house I’d built was torn down to the ground. After some time I became confident in who I was and what I wanted the last half of my life to stand for. So one might say I was ‘born again’ same as if I’d been dunked in the River Jordan.
Although I no longer have bees buzzing around me as if drawn to honey, I do know how to figuratively kiss my way through dozens of frogs in order to find a prince or two, and I’m happy to say they still exist, and some of them are still looking as well. We are smarter, and though we bear the battle scars of wars won and lost, we have managed to hold onto optimism as a way of life. I find the secret to dating at my age is not to be found in ‘serial dating’ where you go on an endless succession of dates hoping to find ‘Mr. Right’ but rather to clearly define – whether it’s on paper or in your mind – your absolutes or ‘must haves’ and then refuse to deviate knowing in advance that could only lead to disaster. Therefore I am as I have always been and hope to remain …. ‘a hopeful romantic’.
Divorced now for going on fourteen years following an even longer marriage to my high school sweetheart, I have grown to appreciate independence. There’s a lot to be said for being the ‘Master of Your Own Destiny’ even if that means deciding to spend an evening at home versus going out. I don’t have to ask permission to buy what I want – or even worse – ‘hide’ my purchase as I bring it into the house then pass it off as “this old thing”. I can watch what I want on television without a struggle and take as long as I choose getting ready to leave the house. I can act responsibly …. or not …. depending upon how adult I choose to be at any given moment. But then cooking and eating ‘for one’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In addition, there’s a lot of activity I opt out of just because I don’t want to go it alone.
I’ve had ample opportunity to have my ‘second childhood’ which occurred sometime during my mid-forties. I’ve sewed enough wild oats to choke a horse (or two) and now that I’m in my fifties I crave more quality time spent in concert with another, but finding the ‘right one’ at my age requires both hard work and dedication, as it seems I’m much more likely to get struck by lightning or run over by a speeding bus than find true love, and though I hate to admit it, that’s probably true.
When you are still growing up and in high school, a girl is surrounded by testosterone-infused young, hopefuls willing to do just about ‘anything’ to grab your attention. Jokes are easier to laugh at, because at 15, 16 or 17, life hasn’t had that much of an opportunity to burst your bubble in the form of heartache or heartbreak. When one suitor doesn’t work out, there seems to be another one or two anxious and waiting in the wings, ready and willing to take your mind off your current troubles. Then there’s college ….. but I was married by then, so I opted to become a ‘serious student’ versus doing the whole college thing.
Following a twenty-five year marriage where we basically lived apart for the last ten plus years, finding myself newly single within my forties was at the very minimum rocky at first. I no longer knew who I was as an individual. A nurturer at heart, with my children grown, I no longer had anyone to focus my love and attention on, and it took some time to actually learn how to love myself again, but once I did I discovered how to rebuild upon the remaining foundation after the house I’d built was torn down to the ground. After some time I became confident in who I was and what I wanted the last half of my life to stand for. So one might say I was ‘born again’ same as if I’d been dunked in the River Jordan.
Although I no longer have bees buzzing around me as if drawn to honey, I do know how to figuratively kiss my way through dozens of frogs in order to find a prince or two, and I’m happy to say they still exist, and some of them are still looking as well. We are smarter, and though we bear the battle scars of wars won and lost, we have managed to hold onto optimism as a way of life. I find the secret to dating at my age is not to be found in ‘serial dating’ where you go on an endless succession of dates hoping to find ‘Mr. Right’ but rather to clearly define – whether it’s on paper or in your mind – your absolutes or ‘must haves’ and then refuse to deviate knowing in advance that could only lead to disaster. Therefore I am as I have always been and hope to remain …. ‘a hopeful romantic’.
March 27, 2014
When Did Being 'Liberal' Become A Bad Thing?
Yesterday on Facebook, someone who shall remain nameless in this post, responded to a comment I’d made regarding Piers Morgan’s departure from the CNN lineup, and I paraphrase, “ ……… a blithering coward who has been only serving the liberals inn this country who want to take us all the way down into the pits of hell itself !!!” At the time, I took into accounting his possible misuse of the word ‘inn’ versus ‘in’ could have been an auto-correct error, as this sometimes happens to me – particularly when I’ve hit send prior to proof-reading my text. But when he responded further to my effort to subvert his aggression by refusing to engage in any further dialogue due to the level of ‘foolishness’ I was told therein, “Lady it is only you who are foolish and obtuse !!!”
Okay now …… bad grammar? That really pisses me off. For God’s sake, it should have been ‘is’ and not ‘are’. If you’re going to insist upon a duel of words based upon logic and intelligence, then at least take the time to get it right, otherwise you end up defeating yourself due to a lack of arsenal.
However, going back to his original statement, where supposedly ‘liberals want to take us all the way down into the pits of hell’ I have to ask, “When did being a liberal become a bad thing?”
If we take a trip back into time when our nation was first being settled beginning with the establishment of the original thirteen colonies, pioneers like Patrick Henry who was made famous by having said, “Give me liberty, or give me death,” executed a very liberal plan by breaking ranks with Mother England and traveling across the sea to inhabit an unfamiliar land populated by native Americans whose civilization was completely foreign in comparison with their own. With an uncertain future, their movements were both bold and decisive as opposed to maintaining the status quo handed down by the ruling monarchy and backed by the Church of England. Had it not been for such liberalism on their part, our nation might never have been born.
But don’t take my word for it. Instead let the definition of ‘liberal’ according to Dictionary.com speak for itself:
lib•er•al
adjective
1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
2. noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform
3. of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism, especially the freedom of the individual and governmental guarantees of individual rights and liberties.
4. favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, especially asguaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.
5. favoring or permitting freedom of action, especially with respect to matters of personal belief or expression
What self-respecting American would take issue with any part of this definition? Whether speaking in terms of an individual’s accomplishments, private industry or government, progress is something we should all aspire to, and sometimes in the name of moving forward progress requires necessary reform. World and national affairs are fluid in movement, thus constantly changing. Therefore the need to amend, transform and revolutionize becomes a necessary evil in terms of maintaining economic stability. As much as some would prefer to believe, the United States is not an island, and as such our viability is interdependent with the stabilization of the rest of the world. As a self-professed liberal, I do not support a conservative agenda, but as a citizen who believes in the governmental guarantee of ‘individual rights and liberties’ I encourage those who express opposing opinions to do so without fear of reprisal whether that be on Facebook or the town square.
We live in a great country with a host of liberals to its credit who helped it become the most powerful nation on earth. I for one am proud to be of the same political party as Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, as they have all had a hand in making us better than some might have imagined possible. But perhaps the most notable liberals of all were the spirited group of intelligent and thoughtful men who made up the first continental congress when they fashioned our United States Constitution some 238 years ago back in 1776. Their idealism coupled with the belief in a world much greater than that of their ancestors created the very freedoms that still make this country uniquely special in comparison to the rest of the world.
However, the most impressive liberal of all would have to be that of Jesus Christ, who bucked religious authority in the synagogues and in front of the Sanhedrin, as well as the established authority in the form of Rome’s Pontius Pilot and Judea’s King Herod. He more than anyone before him or since gave the world religious freedom through his submission to public torture and execution. A lesser being might have chosen salvation, even if it meant sacrificing the truth to do so.
Therefore, you conservative-minded individuals who claim to have cornered the market on ‘family values’ dating back to the days of Newt Gingrich and Jerry Falwell who gave rise to the so-called ‘moral majority’ movement that was born back in the eighties may keep casting your stones and dispersions at us liberals, because we wear a coat of armor that was forged by those who actively chose to be on the right side of history. Though we may not agree with you, and sometimes we may even choose not to engage in a battle of words, we support the rich diversity of culture and thought that continues to keep America strong.
Okay now …… bad grammar? That really pisses me off. For God’s sake, it should have been ‘is’ and not ‘are’. If you’re going to insist upon a duel of words based upon logic and intelligence, then at least take the time to get it right, otherwise you end up defeating yourself due to a lack of arsenal.
However, going back to his original statement, where supposedly ‘liberals want to take us all the way down into the pits of hell’ I have to ask, “When did being a liberal become a bad thing?”
If we take a trip back into time when our nation was first being settled beginning with the establishment of the original thirteen colonies, pioneers like Patrick Henry who was made famous by having said, “Give me liberty, or give me death,” executed a very liberal plan by breaking ranks with Mother England and traveling across the sea to inhabit an unfamiliar land populated by native Americans whose civilization was completely foreign in comparison with their own. With an uncertain future, their movements were both bold and decisive as opposed to maintaining the status quo handed down by the ruling monarchy and backed by the Church of England. Had it not been for such liberalism on their part, our nation might never have been born.
But don’t take my word for it. Instead let the definition of ‘liberal’ according to Dictionary.com speak for itself:
lib•er•al
adjective
1. favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
2. noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform
3. of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism, especially the freedom of the individual and governmental guarantees of individual rights and liberties.
4. favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, especially asguaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.
5. favoring or permitting freedom of action, especially with respect to matters of personal belief or expression
What self-respecting American would take issue with any part of this definition? Whether speaking in terms of an individual’s accomplishments, private industry or government, progress is something we should all aspire to, and sometimes in the name of moving forward progress requires necessary reform. World and national affairs are fluid in movement, thus constantly changing. Therefore the need to amend, transform and revolutionize becomes a necessary evil in terms of maintaining economic stability. As much as some would prefer to believe, the United States is not an island, and as such our viability is interdependent with the stabilization of the rest of the world. As a self-professed liberal, I do not support a conservative agenda, but as a citizen who believes in the governmental guarantee of ‘individual rights and liberties’ I encourage those who express opposing opinions to do so without fear of reprisal whether that be on Facebook or the town square.
We live in a great country with a host of liberals to its credit who helped it become the most powerful nation on earth. I for one am proud to be of the same political party as Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama, as they have all had a hand in making us better than some might have imagined possible. But perhaps the most notable liberals of all were the spirited group of intelligent and thoughtful men who made up the first continental congress when they fashioned our United States Constitution some 238 years ago back in 1776. Their idealism coupled with the belief in a world much greater than that of their ancestors created the very freedoms that still make this country uniquely special in comparison to the rest of the world.
However, the most impressive liberal of all would have to be that of Jesus Christ, who bucked religious authority in the synagogues and in front of the Sanhedrin, as well as the established authority in the form of Rome’s Pontius Pilot and Judea’s King Herod. He more than anyone before him or since gave the world religious freedom through his submission to public torture and execution. A lesser being might have chosen salvation, even if it meant sacrificing the truth to do so.
Therefore, you conservative-minded individuals who claim to have cornered the market on ‘family values’ dating back to the days of Newt Gingrich and Jerry Falwell who gave rise to the so-called ‘moral majority’ movement that was born back in the eighties may keep casting your stones and dispersions at us liberals, because we wear a coat of armor that was forged by those who actively chose to be on the right side of history. Though we may not agree with you, and sometimes we may even choose not to engage in a battle of words, we support the rich diversity of culture and thought that continues to keep America strong.
March 26, 2014
It's Always Been a Matter of Trust .......
Have you ever been with someone you didn’t fully trust …. phone calls and texts at odd hours or a certain evasiveness when it comes to discussing personal matters? With regard to relationships, everyone wants to put their best face forward – especially in the beginning, which may cause one to ‘gloss’ over certain details contained within the past, or to even withhold pertinent information altogether. But such tactics are at best inadvisable, because as affection naturally tends to grow over time and manifest into something extraordinary, your partner can’t help feeling disgruntled once an unexpected truth inevitably surfaces, and such feelings of betrayal are difficult – if not impossible – to overcome. Consequently, you’ve managed to set yourself up for a fall despite all of your best efforts to appear ‘perfect’.
But the truth of the matter is ‘no one’ is perfect. More likely than not, we’ve all taken the wrong fork in the road a time or two in our quest to find everlasting happiness. Therefore, wouldn’t it be more prudent and wise to admit having made past mistakes before they have a chance to reveal themselves on their own, thereby serving to create the ‘undoing’ you were trying to avoid in the first place?
Because I place such a high premium on being honest, I have always more or less expected the same from my partner. As such I have ended up getting burned more often than I care to admit with my last significant relationship having left me over seventeen thousand dollars in debt due to his careless negligence and extreme measures to hide the truth. Oh well …. it’s only money, and that I can earn, but while I managed to keep my integrity intact, he sacrificed his by shooting it in the back as it walked out the door. It is in times like these I manage to keep otherwise predictable bitterness at bay by reminding myself, “Karma’s a bitch.” A man who willingly takes advantage of a woman who wholeheartedly surrenders both her love and trust hardly possesses the right equipment to call himself a man …. but I digress.
According to my time-honored tradition of choosing to learn my lessons the hard way, I’ve managed to come up with a few methods of determining whether or not your lover is telling the truth. When you choose to give your ‘whole heart’ and the love, honor and attention to back it up, it’s not necessarily considered sneaky or under-handed to put your partner to the test.
First of all, if you have reason to suspect dishonesty, then it might be judicious to discover the reason or reasons ‘why’ prior to coming unhinged. More often than not people are overly concerned about what others might think of them. Thus in an effort to maintain a ‘good reputation’ white lies and embellishments can become a force of habit that at times can even begin to feel like reality. Oftentimes, as a means of getting ahead, people tend to create a certain persona in their minds representing an ‘ideal’ they can only wish they’d lived up to in reality, and in this regard a foundation is laid and facts are inserted to support the claims that have at some point become real. They don’t perceive it as lying so much as living up to an expectation. However, the flip side of the same coin reveals an individual who has perpetuated lies in an attempt to control the narrative. Whether he or she tells little white lies, cheats, or hides money and the evidence of truth, the ongoing deception becomes a habitual form of coping with their relationships, and by the time their dishonesty is exposed, irreparable harm has been done.
More often, the true test of one’s moral character lies in the ‘little things’ or as is often said, “The devil is in the details.” For instance, do the call when they say they will? Or follow thru on a requests? Do they show support equal to that of your own, or is there an ongoing list of excuses for not ‘being there’?
Another cue is how they behave around others ….. are they considerate and respectful, the same endearing person you’ve always known, or do they speak ill of those not around? If so, chances are they will speak just as unfavorably of you when you’re not in attendance.
Another thing worth considering is do you consider your partner an ‘open book’ or an impenetrable vault? If someone truly loves you, then complete and total disclosure should never become an issue, but I find the true test of someone’s authenticity comes into play when they show themselves willing to introduce you to their friends and family. After all, these people know them better than anyone as those relationships run deep. If these ever important introductions are a natural progression to your relationship and accomplished with relative ease, then chances are good your mate has nothing to hide. Conversely if you’re being kept from these people for an extended amount of time, then your relationship is not as serious as you might hope or think.
Trust is the cornerstone of any important relationship. Therefore, without it you hardly have a strong enough foundation on which to build true happiness that will stand the test of time. Regardless of what point you are in your progression, you must know you can never experience the kind of real intimacy that leads to everlasting love absent of honesty and sincerity. Otherwise, it’s like trying to sustain the fires of passion without oxygen ….. it simply cannot be done.
But the truth of the matter is ‘no one’ is perfect. More likely than not, we’ve all taken the wrong fork in the road a time or two in our quest to find everlasting happiness. Therefore, wouldn’t it be more prudent and wise to admit having made past mistakes before they have a chance to reveal themselves on their own, thereby serving to create the ‘undoing’ you were trying to avoid in the first place?
Because I place such a high premium on being honest, I have always more or less expected the same from my partner. As such I have ended up getting burned more often than I care to admit with my last significant relationship having left me over seventeen thousand dollars in debt due to his careless negligence and extreme measures to hide the truth. Oh well …. it’s only money, and that I can earn, but while I managed to keep my integrity intact, he sacrificed his by shooting it in the back as it walked out the door. It is in times like these I manage to keep otherwise predictable bitterness at bay by reminding myself, “Karma’s a bitch.” A man who willingly takes advantage of a woman who wholeheartedly surrenders both her love and trust hardly possesses the right equipment to call himself a man …. but I digress.
According to my time-honored tradition of choosing to learn my lessons the hard way, I’ve managed to come up with a few methods of determining whether or not your lover is telling the truth. When you choose to give your ‘whole heart’ and the love, honor and attention to back it up, it’s not necessarily considered sneaky or under-handed to put your partner to the test.
First of all, if you have reason to suspect dishonesty, then it might be judicious to discover the reason or reasons ‘why’ prior to coming unhinged. More often than not people are overly concerned about what others might think of them. Thus in an effort to maintain a ‘good reputation’ white lies and embellishments can become a force of habit that at times can even begin to feel like reality. Oftentimes, as a means of getting ahead, people tend to create a certain persona in their minds representing an ‘ideal’ they can only wish they’d lived up to in reality, and in this regard a foundation is laid and facts are inserted to support the claims that have at some point become real. They don’t perceive it as lying so much as living up to an expectation. However, the flip side of the same coin reveals an individual who has perpetuated lies in an attempt to control the narrative. Whether he or she tells little white lies, cheats, or hides money and the evidence of truth, the ongoing deception becomes a habitual form of coping with their relationships, and by the time their dishonesty is exposed, irreparable harm has been done.
More often, the true test of one’s moral character lies in the ‘little things’ or as is often said, “The devil is in the details.” For instance, do the call when they say they will? Or follow thru on a requests? Do they show support equal to that of your own, or is there an ongoing list of excuses for not ‘being there’?
Another cue is how they behave around others ….. are they considerate and respectful, the same endearing person you’ve always known, or do they speak ill of those not around? If so, chances are they will speak just as unfavorably of you when you’re not in attendance.
Another thing worth considering is do you consider your partner an ‘open book’ or an impenetrable vault? If someone truly loves you, then complete and total disclosure should never become an issue, but I find the true test of someone’s authenticity comes into play when they show themselves willing to introduce you to their friends and family. After all, these people know them better than anyone as those relationships run deep. If these ever important introductions are a natural progression to your relationship and accomplished with relative ease, then chances are good your mate has nothing to hide. Conversely if you’re being kept from these people for an extended amount of time, then your relationship is not as serious as you might hope or think.
Trust is the cornerstone of any important relationship. Therefore, without it you hardly have a strong enough foundation on which to build true happiness that will stand the test of time. Regardless of what point you are in your progression, you must know you can never experience the kind of real intimacy that leads to everlasting love absent of honesty and sincerity. Otherwise, it’s like trying to sustain the fires of passion without oxygen ….. it simply cannot be done.
March 25, 2014
Better With Time .......
As I endeavored to do my ritualistic daily online research this morning …. BTW isn’t ‘google’ a wonderful thing …. on HGH – specifically, ‘Human Growth Hormone’ – in relation to my ongoing quest to remain vital and youthful despite my chronological age, I couldn’t help wondering how we – as Americans – managed to get this all wrong. We are no doubt a ‘youth obsessed society’ valuing most those who are fortunate enough to find themselves in the incubation stage of life before they are hatched into an all too real and oftentimes cruel reality that can age one beyond his or her years. We place them high upon a pedestal, sometimes even awarding the most unique among them ‘celebrity status’ despite the fact they have yet to accomplish any real thing of value in terms of a societal contribution.
We are ‘Americans’ …. the civilization that championed the Industrial Revolution and gave the world and its inhabitants the World Wide Web. We may not have invented technology, but we learned how to maximize its use in terms of a global economy. We created automobiles and airplanes alike and as a young nation, managed to shore up a strong enough Department of Defense that no one dared challenge our authority and everyone who was anyone came to us first for support when it came to shoring up their own line of defense against aggression. In short, we are the ‘good guys’ and every American I know takes considerable pride in that fact, and when it comes to innovation, we are the ‘gold standard’ everyone else tries to emulate.
However, when it comes to aging gracefully, we somehow managed to miss that class. Take “Vogue Magazine” for instance, its editors and publishers, haunted by declining circulation, were forced to bastardize its image by placing ‘celebrity couple du jour’ Kim Kardashian and Kanye West on a recent cover. Okay …. they are pretty people ….. but while I can hardly blame those in charge for resorting to such tactical measures to boost subscriptions, I have to ask, “What’s next? Who will be the next icon to sink to tabloid tactics in order to make a few bucks?”
Maybe Gotham’s own RHWONY (Real Housewives of New York) will grace the cover of an upcoming “New Yorker”. All I can think about is the insanity of it all when a time-honored institution is forced to stoop so low for the sake of the almighty dollar. Anna Wintour must have had to gulp hard when the pre-press issue made its way across her desk for prior approval.
For decades now women everywhere from all walks of life have poured through “Vogue’s” pages obsessing and dreaming about how they, themselves, could knock of the latest runway trend in the form of certain shade of lipstick, a haircut, a hem length or a total ‘look’ all in the name of personally owning some small part of the world of high fashion for themselves as a means to remain relevant in a world that changes at warp speed. But while few can identify with a hip hop artist who has enjoyed some measure of success, even fewer can see themselves as a woman who took the equity from her father’s infamous name and parlayed that with an ambitious stage mother willing to sacrifice her own marriage in exchange for her children’s ‘fifteen minutes of fame’ into a modest capital empire. Can the merit of haute couture no longer stand on its own?
Unfortunately the problem goes much deeper than “Vogue” as we’ve become a society who places value upon all the wrong things. Everyone likes to look good and feel good – I am no different – but the problems occur when we assume someone who is both young and beautiful is someone we should all want to emulate just by virtue of the fact they have been fortunate enough to option their looks into cold, hard cash. What I think is in order is a total ‘shift in consciousness’ to the point that we – like other cultures – actually ‘value’ that which comes only through age and experience. Why is it our culture likes to hide the elderly away in assisted living facilities and nursing homes so we don’t have to stare our own mortality in the face? Is a laugh line, crow’s feet or a few gray hairs really so bad? There’s a reason why antiques and fine wine’s value increases with age …. it is quite simply 'better'.
There’s times when I’m undressing to shower that I blur my vision so that I don’t have to zero in on my imperfections, but truth is I wouldn’t actually ‘go back’ even if I were given the choice. I like that my children are grown and I have grandchildren to spoil on occasion. I like the fact that I’m no longer struggling to define myself …. that I know who I am, what I value most and not to sweat the small stuff. I don’t really care that I’m a little slower on the uptake, or that I forget things more often than I used to or that I don’t wear high heels every single day of my life. I enjoy the fact that I can find solace in quiet time or by reading a good book and that communing with nature oftentimes feels like a religious experience. I never took the time to notice when I was younger, because there were too many things I wanted to do, but not so much anymore. I also know that both ‘loving’ and ‘being loved’ are the onlytwo priceless things that no amount of money can buy and that one day my time on earth will be through, but that’s okay …. “To everything there is a season …. a time to live and a time to die” …. so why not make the most of whatever season you happen to find yourself in, because life is precious, and it is sinful to squander even a moment worrying about how well you will age.
We are ‘Americans’ …. the civilization that championed the Industrial Revolution and gave the world and its inhabitants the World Wide Web. We may not have invented technology, but we learned how to maximize its use in terms of a global economy. We created automobiles and airplanes alike and as a young nation, managed to shore up a strong enough Department of Defense that no one dared challenge our authority and everyone who was anyone came to us first for support when it came to shoring up their own line of defense against aggression. In short, we are the ‘good guys’ and every American I know takes considerable pride in that fact, and when it comes to innovation, we are the ‘gold standard’ everyone else tries to emulate.
However, when it comes to aging gracefully, we somehow managed to miss that class. Take “Vogue Magazine” for instance, its editors and publishers, haunted by declining circulation, were forced to bastardize its image by placing ‘celebrity couple du jour’ Kim Kardashian and Kanye West on a recent cover. Okay …. they are pretty people ….. but while I can hardly blame those in charge for resorting to such tactical measures to boost subscriptions, I have to ask, “What’s next? Who will be the next icon to sink to tabloid tactics in order to make a few bucks?”
Maybe Gotham’s own RHWONY (Real Housewives of New York) will grace the cover of an upcoming “New Yorker”. All I can think about is the insanity of it all when a time-honored institution is forced to stoop so low for the sake of the almighty dollar. Anna Wintour must have had to gulp hard when the pre-press issue made its way across her desk for prior approval.
For decades now women everywhere from all walks of life have poured through “Vogue’s” pages obsessing and dreaming about how they, themselves, could knock of the latest runway trend in the form of certain shade of lipstick, a haircut, a hem length or a total ‘look’ all in the name of personally owning some small part of the world of high fashion for themselves as a means to remain relevant in a world that changes at warp speed. But while few can identify with a hip hop artist who has enjoyed some measure of success, even fewer can see themselves as a woman who took the equity from her father’s infamous name and parlayed that with an ambitious stage mother willing to sacrifice her own marriage in exchange for her children’s ‘fifteen minutes of fame’ into a modest capital empire. Can the merit of haute couture no longer stand on its own?
Unfortunately the problem goes much deeper than “Vogue” as we’ve become a society who places value upon all the wrong things. Everyone likes to look good and feel good – I am no different – but the problems occur when we assume someone who is both young and beautiful is someone we should all want to emulate just by virtue of the fact they have been fortunate enough to option their looks into cold, hard cash. What I think is in order is a total ‘shift in consciousness’ to the point that we – like other cultures – actually ‘value’ that which comes only through age and experience. Why is it our culture likes to hide the elderly away in assisted living facilities and nursing homes so we don’t have to stare our own mortality in the face? Is a laugh line, crow’s feet or a few gray hairs really so bad? There’s a reason why antiques and fine wine’s value increases with age …. it is quite simply 'better'.
There’s times when I’m undressing to shower that I blur my vision so that I don’t have to zero in on my imperfections, but truth is I wouldn’t actually ‘go back’ even if I were given the choice. I like that my children are grown and I have grandchildren to spoil on occasion. I like the fact that I’m no longer struggling to define myself …. that I know who I am, what I value most and not to sweat the small stuff. I don’t really care that I’m a little slower on the uptake, or that I forget things more often than I used to or that I don’t wear high heels every single day of my life. I enjoy the fact that I can find solace in quiet time or by reading a good book and that communing with nature oftentimes feels like a religious experience. I never took the time to notice when I was younger, because there were too many things I wanted to do, but not so much anymore. I also know that both ‘loving’ and ‘being loved’ are the onlytwo priceless things that no amount of money can buy and that one day my time on earth will be through, but that’s okay …. “To everything there is a season …. a time to live and a time to die” …. so why not make the most of whatever season you happen to find yourself in, because life is precious, and it is sinful to squander even a moment worrying about how well you will age.
March 24, 2014
Expiration Dates .....
Post Script ..... Regarding yesterday's post "Without A Trace" .... I am deeply saddened by the news that Maylasian Flight MH 370 is lost and all aboard presumed dead. The ripple effect is much greater than the 239 souls aboard, and those who remain are deserving of our prayers to see them through such a difficult time.
Go to the supermarket or open your kitchen cabinets or refrigerator and pick up any item within and upon examining the label you will find an ‘expiration date’. Even when it comes to the things in our lives that don’t have an expiration date such as an article of clothing, a pair of shoes, even a car or a home, almost from the moment of purchase we possess the fore knowledge that at some point it will become obsolete and therefore useless in terms of fulfilling our needs. Oftentimes I’ve complained about our ‘disposable society’ but in the name of keeping our house in order, maybe some things are best disposed of versus holding onto them past prime.
I’m talking relationships here ….. when you ‘stop’ relating as partners, is it time to put an expiration date on your love life? Talking to myself recently in an effort to reason with my overly analytical mind, I actually said out loud, “Sure you love him, but at the same time you feel as if you’re going nowhere.” As a result, I start to limit what I’m willing to give my partner in an effort to protect myself.
I’ve never been much on ultimatums. To me, the only logical conclusion one can expect from having backed someone in a corner is not that he or she will suddenly surrender to your greater wisdom, but rather that they will come out fighting for their own survival. Therefore, unwilling to put my relationship and possible future happiness on the line, I stop just short of issuing an ‘or else’ type demand hoping to jumpstart what otherwise seems to be a lack of interest.
Instead, I chose to look at the signs ….. everyone should have a clear vision of what they hope their future will one day look like, and if their partner does not share that vision, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the partnership. It’s not enough to want all the same things, you have to want all the same things ‘with me’ or else what am I doing wasting all my time and energy trying to convince you I’m worth your time? I know what I want out of our partnership, and I’m willing to ask for it knowing in advance I may not get the answer I’m looking for.
In any dynamic communication is vital in order for success, and when it comes to interpersonal relationships, the need for a clear exchange of information cannot be underestimated. Without it you’re already living a separate and independent life, and the only thing that remains is ‘making it official’. Therefore, with nothing to lose maybe it’s time to make a bold move by issuing a plea, “So in the name of fighting for our continued survival, I’m asking for your co-operation here to help put our love ‘back on the map’ knowing that should you refuse we are as good as done, because I value myself and my time every bit as much as you do yours and without validation, I’m no longer willing to invest in a losing cause.”
There are all kinds of ‘alone’ and each of them come with a certain amount inner struggle, but no one should have to feel alone within the confines of a relationship, otherwise you just short-change yourself by closing off all other possibilities. Only a certain amount of life is predictable. The largest part of it comes with an ‘element of surprise’ and sometimes when you least expect it, someone really wonderful enters your life and instinctively you know your life has forever changed. Healthy relationships are based upon mutual love, respect, care and communication. With each quality that is lacking, your chances of survival diminish. Therefore, in the interest of refusing to waste any more time, perhaps it becomes wise to place an ‘expiration date’ on love ….. there is an ‘acceptable’ amount of time for circumstances to change and beyond that you must be willing to throw in the towel and move on knowing you can find the relationship you deserve as long as you hold onto your dreams and don’t let anything hold you back when it comes to achieving them.
Go to the supermarket or open your kitchen cabinets or refrigerator and pick up any item within and upon examining the label you will find an ‘expiration date’. Even when it comes to the things in our lives that don’t have an expiration date such as an article of clothing, a pair of shoes, even a car or a home, almost from the moment of purchase we possess the fore knowledge that at some point it will become obsolete and therefore useless in terms of fulfilling our needs. Oftentimes I’ve complained about our ‘disposable society’ but in the name of keeping our house in order, maybe some things are best disposed of versus holding onto them past prime.
I’m talking relationships here ….. when you ‘stop’ relating as partners, is it time to put an expiration date on your love life? Talking to myself recently in an effort to reason with my overly analytical mind, I actually said out loud, “Sure you love him, but at the same time you feel as if you’re going nowhere.” As a result, I start to limit what I’m willing to give my partner in an effort to protect myself.
I’ve never been much on ultimatums. To me, the only logical conclusion one can expect from having backed someone in a corner is not that he or she will suddenly surrender to your greater wisdom, but rather that they will come out fighting for their own survival. Therefore, unwilling to put my relationship and possible future happiness on the line, I stop just short of issuing an ‘or else’ type demand hoping to jumpstart what otherwise seems to be a lack of interest.
Instead, I chose to look at the signs ….. everyone should have a clear vision of what they hope their future will one day look like, and if their partner does not share that vision, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the partnership. It’s not enough to want all the same things, you have to want all the same things ‘with me’ or else what am I doing wasting all my time and energy trying to convince you I’m worth your time? I know what I want out of our partnership, and I’m willing to ask for it knowing in advance I may not get the answer I’m looking for.
In any dynamic communication is vital in order for success, and when it comes to interpersonal relationships, the need for a clear exchange of information cannot be underestimated. Without it you’re already living a separate and independent life, and the only thing that remains is ‘making it official’. Therefore, with nothing to lose maybe it’s time to make a bold move by issuing a plea, “So in the name of fighting for our continued survival, I’m asking for your co-operation here to help put our love ‘back on the map’ knowing that should you refuse we are as good as done, because I value myself and my time every bit as much as you do yours and without validation, I’m no longer willing to invest in a losing cause.”
There are all kinds of ‘alone’ and each of them come with a certain amount inner struggle, but no one should have to feel alone within the confines of a relationship, otherwise you just short-change yourself by closing off all other possibilities. Only a certain amount of life is predictable. The largest part of it comes with an ‘element of surprise’ and sometimes when you least expect it, someone really wonderful enters your life and instinctively you know your life has forever changed. Healthy relationships are based upon mutual love, respect, care and communication. With each quality that is lacking, your chances of survival diminish. Therefore, in the interest of refusing to waste any more time, perhaps it becomes wise to place an ‘expiration date’ on love ….. there is an ‘acceptable’ amount of time for circumstances to change and beyond that you must be willing to throw in the towel and move on knowing you can find the relationship you deserve as long as you hold onto your dreams and don’t let anything hold you back when it comes to achieving them.
March 23, 2014
Without A Trace ......
It has been more or less 16 days since the disappearance of the Maylasian Flight MH 370, and in a world where technology rules over privacy and the means of establishing connectivity are expanding at a rate so fast, it’s impossible to keep up, it hardly seems possible that a jumbo jetliner carrying 239 people could simply disappear without a trace. Having been ill of late, I’ve had more time to devote to television than is typical. Therefore, I – like so many others – have kept my eyes glued to CNN in hopes that some shred of evidence might come across that these people might still be alive. As such I’ve heard every conceivable theory floating about from pilot suicide, to terrorism, to hijacking or some catastrophic mechanical failure, but nothing seems to tick all the boxes when it comes to a feasible explanation.
There is no logic in a pilot flying 7 ½ - 8 hours, hundreds of miles off course into the southern Indian Ocean to commit suicide. If hijacked, then who? And why? Because there’s been no claim of responsibility or no demand for ransom. Again, if one is to consider terrorism, there has been no evidence of chatter and no claim of responsibility. And is it possible that something catastrophic enough to knock out the ACARS (Aviation Communication And Response System) and the Transponder also lead to an unplanned change in flight plan, but did not elicit a “mayday” signal from the pilots but did enable the jet to fly another seven hours without intervention from anyone aboard? In an effort to make sense, nothing seems to fill the bill.
I am astounded that it takes days for a nation such as Thailand or China to release satellite images when so much is at stake, or that other countries such as India or Pakistan might even be reluctant to reveal ‘anything’ at all in terms of their capabilities or lack thereof because of unfriendly borders. I suppose I rank among the minority of those who zeroes in on the ‘human’ side of this tragedy …. that aboard that plane were 239 souls who were mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters of people who loved them, people who yearn to have them back and in lieu of that at least need to have ‘something’ in the form of an explanation as to ‘how could this happen?’
As countless sums of money and manpower are invested in an effort to locate debris in the Southern Indian Ocean some 1500 miles off the coast of Western Australia, every responsible party and expert in his field cautions that these items may very well only amount to shipping containers and refuse from any number of freighters who travel this same route. Putting myself in the place of a family member, I can’t help but hope that’s just what it is, because without evidence of a crash, the possibility of life still exists. I know even more experts agree that the likelihood of someone successfully commandeering a 777 jet loaded with passengers and escaping to parts as yet unknown seems highly unlikely, but the undeniable fact is we have no clear record of exactly what happened to that plane after it vanished from radar, and as unlikely as it seems, “no one” would have thought the events that unfolded during the tragedy of 911 would have been possible until it actually happened. Therefore – absent of any identifying evidence of a crash – isn’t it possible that a well-orchestrated plan to commandeer a jet, knock out it’s tracking systems, change its flight plan, fly it to an alternative airport to unload and refuel and be back in the air before it’s even been reported missing is too far-fetched? I don’t know …. but I do continue to ‘hope’ for all of those who have a vested interest.
I can’t imagine anything worse than losing someone you love, except possibly having that same person seemingly disappear from off the face of the earth. A lot is said about closure these days and that even finding wreckage would be ‘something’, but I don’t know how anyone could find closure in knowing their loved one ended up at the bottom of the Indian Ocean with no means for understanding why. Life is both transient and fluid in motion. From day-to-day it changes and we change with it according to the circumstances that affect our lives, and the only guarantee is that none of us will make it out alive.
Therefore it seems if nothing else we can all take certain lessons from such a tragedy …..namely, don’t put anything off. In a world that has established any number of ways of keeping track of time, we all seem to operate within the false illusion that there’s plenty of time to do the things we want, or to spend quality time with loved ones or even time to tell that certain someone how deeply we care about them. The only way to compound the fracture of having run out of time is by being forced to lament the things left undone or the words left unspoken. A loved one should never leave our sight without knowing just how we feel and a grudge – any grudge – should always be too heavy a load to carry around on a daily basis. In the end, short of prayer, there’s nothing any of us can do for the passengers or the families of the passengers on MH 370, but we can honor the legacy they left us by getting our own affairs in order so that should fate decide to intervene in our own lives, we will have left nothing undone.
There is no logic in a pilot flying 7 ½ - 8 hours, hundreds of miles off course into the southern Indian Ocean to commit suicide. If hijacked, then who? And why? Because there’s been no claim of responsibility or no demand for ransom. Again, if one is to consider terrorism, there has been no evidence of chatter and no claim of responsibility. And is it possible that something catastrophic enough to knock out the ACARS (Aviation Communication And Response System) and the Transponder also lead to an unplanned change in flight plan, but did not elicit a “mayday” signal from the pilots but did enable the jet to fly another seven hours without intervention from anyone aboard? In an effort to make sense, nothing seems to fill the bill.
I am astounded that it takes days for a nation such as Thailand or China to release satellite images when so much is at stake, or that other countries such as India or Pakistan might even be reluctant to reveal ‘anything’ at all in terms of their capabilities or lack thereof because of unfriendly borders. I suppose I rank among the minority of those who zeroes in on the ‘human’ side of this tragedy …. that aboard that plane were 239 souls who were mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters of people who loved them, people who yearn to have them back and in lieu of that at least need to have ‘something’ in the form of an explanation as to ‘how could this happen?’
As countless sums of money and manpower are invested in an effort to locate debris in the Southern Indian Ocean some 1500 miles off the coast of Western Australia, every responsible party and expert in his field cautions that these items may very well only amount to shipping containers and refuse from any number of freighters who travel this same route. Putting myself in the place of a family member, I can’t help but hope that’s just what it is, because without evidence of a crash, the possibility of life still exists. I know even more experts agree that the likelihood of someone successfully commandeering a 777 jet loaded with passengers and escaping to parts as yet unknown seems highly unlikely, but the undeniable fact is we have no clear record of exactly what happened to that plane after it vanished from radar, and as unlikely as it seems, “no one” would have thought the events that unfolded during the tragedy of 911 would have been possible until it actually happened. Therefore – absent of any identifying evidence of a crash – isn’t it possible that a well-orchestrated plan to commandeer a jet, knock out it’s tracking systems, change its flight plan, fly it to an alternative airport to unload and refuel and be back in the air before it’s even been reported missing is too far-fetched? I don’t know …. but I do continue to ‘hope’ for all of those who have a vested interest.
I can’t imagine anything worse than losing someone you love, except possibly having that same person seemingly disappear from off the face of the earth. A lot is said about closure these days and that even finding wreckage would be ‘something’, but I don’t know how anyone could find closure in knowing their loved one ended up at the bottom of the Indian Ocean with no means for understanding why. Life is both transient and fluid in motion. From day-to-day it changes and we change with it according to the circumstances that affect our lives, and the only guarantee is that none of us will make it out alive.
Therefore it seems if nothing else we can all take certain lessons from such a tragedy …..namely, don’t put anything off. In a world that has established any number of ways of keeping track of time, we all seem to operate within the false illusion that there’s plenty of time to do the things we want, or to spend quality time with loved ones or even time to tell that certain someone how deeply we care about them. The only way to compound the fracture of having run out of time is by being forced to lament the things left undone or the words left unspoken. A loved one should never leave our sight without knowing just how we feel and a grudge – any grudge – should always be too heavy a load to carry around on a daily basis. In the end, short of prayer, there’s nothing any of us can do for the passengers or the families of the passengers on MH 370, but we can honor the legacy they left us by getting our own affairs in order so that should fate decide to intervene in our own lives, we will have left nothing undone.
March 18, 2014
I Was Catholic When Catholic Wasn't Cool ......
Written 'yesterday' but posted a day late .....
Today is Saint Patrick’s Day, and with me being Irish to the core, I would usually choose to write on that subject thereby throwing my hat into the ring of countless other celebrants across the world exercising their right to party even if it means the necessity of becoming Irish themselves just for one day. The Irish as a whole are wonderful storytellers as evidenced by their colorful folk songs, superstitions and other tall tales, which maybe accounts for my ability to occasionally spin a few words into yarn worth sharing with others.
However, still in the throes of battling late season flu, the only thing green on me at this moment is ‘around my gills’ so I’d just as soon try and focus my attention elsewhere. It’s difficult to celebrate anything when encumbered by alternating fever and chills and a relentless cough that robs me of my ability to rest peaceably, but such is life. One must be willing to take the bad with the good, and right now this is ‘my bad’.
But with that said, one week ago – shy one day – on March 13th Pope Francis I, formerly Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, celebrated his one year anniversary of being elected Pontiff by the College of Cardinals. An obscure candidate at best, he was the first Jesuit, and the first to take the name ‘Francis’ and a non-European who managed to do – in record time – what no other leader before him had seemed interested in doing by actually embracing the three evangelical counsels or ‘counsels of perfection’ which are chastity, poverty (or perfect charity), and obedience, as well as modern technology as a means to reach out to his parishioners. Perhaps it was fitting his election occurred during the spring, a time when all of us emerge from out of the cold and darkness into a season of greater light and rebirth, and if any secular organization needed to experience the kind of renaissance from having been ‘born again’ it was certainly the Catholic church.
With its image hopelessly tarnished from countless allegations of sexual abuse, corruption and other priestly misdeeds, it’s become increasingly difficult in recent years to refer to oneself as a ‘good catholic’ while being faced with the shame of a church who all but refused to do that which we teach our own children ……. to hold itself accountable, thus becoming its own worst enemy. From the time of its historical birth, the church built on the rock that was Saint Peter set the bar high for worship not only requiring its members to attend regular church service in the form of mass, but also to attend eight Holy Days of Obligation. From an early age, children are taught the catechism and the necessity to observe the sacraments throughout the course of one’s life to include Baptism, celebrating the Eucharist, Reconciliation or the Sacrament of Penance, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders and Anointing of the Sick. Anyone who has attended a mass understands it is steeped in ritual and requires the constant participation of those gathered to worship.
But perhaps those the church has demanded the most sacrifice from in terms of pure dedication include the numbers of men and women who have served as priests and nuns in the service of our Lord. As a much younger woman, I used to take a great sense of pride in the fact that those who received ‘the calling’ were willing to surrender their right to a personal life in exchange for something greater, knowing how difficult that sacrifice must be. However, as a much older and wiser individual, I’ve come to think about that differently. In an age when increasing numbers of historians and general population alike are of the belief that even Jesus might have enjoyed carnal knowledge during his time on Earth, might it be too much to ask of any man or a woman who does not possess the same level of grace as our Lord? Can one not experience human love and divine love simultaneously? All those who lead a more traditional life and attend church every week seem to think so.
In a world that increasingly moves ‘left of center’ in terms of embracing individuality and the freedom of self-expression, the church has been unyielding when it came to implementing the kind of ‘change’ that would allow their priests to marry or women to enter the priesthood and the recognition of homosexuality as a viable lifestyle. As a self-described liberal in terms of subscribing to a ‘live and let live’ attitude, in order to continue to be a ‘good catholic’ I have had to strive to accept – even with a certain lack of understanding – the Vatican’s wisdom on such matters. To me, if we are all God’s creation and the Lord loves us equally, then who are we as men and women to judge or discriminate against another according to biased and outdated doctrine? Whether we like it or not, the world is in a constant state of flux, and though change may bring about uncertainty, it’s the only guarantee any of us have. Therefore wisdom is exemplified in one’s ability to adapt.
When Pope Francis was introduced to the world just over a year ago, the shepherd looked down on his flock and asked for their prayers, and following a short speech signed off by saying, “Good night, sleep well.” A man who had been elected the 266th Pope and Bishop of Rome as well as the Absolute Sovereign of Vatican City, appeared humbled by the experience. As I – like so many others – watched the pomp and circumstance from my home, I did indeed offer up my prayers for a man entrusted with the difficult task of rebuilding the church from the inside out.
In the past year his simple messages of ‘joy’ and ‘mercy’ have resounded with Catholics and non-Catholics alike, as he seems to have been able to bridge the distance between conformity and apathy, and the more humble he appears, the larger his popularity grows. While he actively chose to live in the Vatican’s guest house and to drive a donated 1984 manual transmission Renault, he also has pages on both Twitter and Facebook, has graced the cover of “Time” magazine as ‘Person of the Year’ and has been catapulted to ‘cool’ by appearing on the cover of the “Rolling Stone” and recently Speaker Boehner invited him to address a joint session of congress. Known for mingling routinely with visitors to Vatican City, he has admitted to his own moments of human weakness and when asked about gays he replied simply, “Who am I to judge?” Thus the man who is now the Vicar of Christ has won us over perhaps in the same way Jesus did so many centuries ago …. by becoming one of us and not holding himself above us.
It’s all too difficult to understand the concept of ‘perfection’ when we as human beings are all intrinsically flawed from the moment of our birth. Maybe that’s what Jesus was trying to tell his own followers in the days he walked the earth …. that he, too, had the same needs, wants and desires as the rest of us, and that he understood fear and apprehension as well as anyone, but the need to exhibit courage and conviction charged to someone chosen to lead must override all else in the face of opposition, thus bringing reconciliation to his followers by giving them something and someone to believe in.
Today is Saint Patrick’s Day, and with me being Irish to the core, I would usually choose to write on that subject thereby throwing my hat into the ring of countless other celebrants across the world exercising their right to party even if it means the necessity of becoming Irish themselves just for one day. The Irish as a whole are wonderful storytellers as evidenced by their colorful folk songs, superstitions and other tall tales, which maybe accounts for my ability to occasionally spin a few words into yarn worth sharing with others.
However, still in the throes of battling late season flu, the only thing green on me at this moment is ‘around my gills’ so I’d just as soon try and focus my attention elsewhere. It’s difficult to celebrate anything when encumbered by alternating fever and chills and a relentless cough that robs me of my ability to rest peaceably, but such is life. One must be willing to take the bad with the good, and right now this is ‘my bad’.
But with that said, one week ago – shy one day – on March 13th Pope Francis I, formerly Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Buenos Aires, celebrated his one year anniversary of being elected Pontiff by the College of Cardinals. An obscure candidate at best, he was the first Jesuit, and the first to take the name ‘Francis’ and a non-European who managed to do – in record time – what no other leader before him had seemed interested in doing by actually embracing the three evangelical counsels or ‘counsels of perfection’ which are chastity, poverty (or perfect charity), and obedience, as well as modern technology as a means to reach out to his parishioners. Perhaps it was fitting his election occurred during the spring, a time when all of us emerge from out of the cold and darkness into a season of greater light and rebirth, and if any secular organization needed to experience the kind of renaissance from having been ‘born again’ it was certainly the Catholic church.
With its image hopelessly tarnished from countless allegations of sexual abuse, corruption and other priestly misdeeds, it’s become increasingly difficult in recent years to refer to oneself as a ‘good catholic’ while being faced with the shame of a church who all but refused to do that which we teach our own children ……. to hold itself accountable, thus becoming its own worst enemy. From the time of its historical birth, the church built on the rock that was Saint Peter set the bar high for worship not only requiring its members to attend regular church service in the form of mass, but also to attend eight Holy Days of Obligation. From an early age, children are taught the catechism and the necessity to observe the sacraments throughout the course of one’s life to include Baptism, celebrating the Eucharist, Reconciliation or the Sacrament of Penance, Confirmation, Marriage, Holy Orders and Anointing of the Sick. Anyone who has attended a mass understands it is steeped in ritual and requires the constant participation of those gathered to worship.
But perhaps those the church has demanded the most sacrifice from in terms of pure dedication include the numbers of men and women who have served as priests and nuns in the service of our Lord. As a much younger woman, I used to take a great sense of pride in the fact that those who received ‘the calling’ were willing to surrender their right to a personal life in exchange for something greater, knowing how difficult that sacrifice must be. However, as a much older and wiser individual, I’ve come to think about that differently. In an age when increasing numbers of historians and general population alike are of the belief that even Jesus might have enjoyed carnal knowledge during his time on Earth, might it be too much to ask of any man or a woman who does not possess the same level of grace as our Lord? Can one not experience human love and divine love simultaneously? All those who lead a more traditional life and attend church every week seem to think so.
In a world that increasingly moves ‘left of center’ in terms of embracing individuality and the freedom of self-expression, the church has been unyielding when it came to implementing the kind of ‘change’ that would allow their priests to marry or women to enter the priesthood and the recognition of homosexuality as a viable lifestyle. As a self-described liberal in terms of subscribing to a ‘live and let live’ attitude, in order to continue to be a ‘good catholic’ I have had to strive to accept – even with a certain lack of understanding – the Vatican’s wisdom on such matters. To me, if we are all God’s creation and the Lord loves us equally, then who are we as men and women to judge or discriminate against another according to biased and outdated doctrine? Whether we like it or not, the world is in a constant state of flux, and though change may bring about uncertainty, it’s the only guarantee any of us have. Therefore wisdom is exemplified in one’s ability to adapt.
When Pope Francis was introduced to the world just over a year ago, the shepherd looked down on his flock and asked for their prayers, and following a short speech signed off by saying, “Good night, sleep well.” A man who had been elected the 266th Pope and Bishop of Rome as well as the Absolute Sovereign of Vatican City, appeared humbled by the experience. As I – like so many others – watched the pomp and circumstance from my home, I did indeed offer up my prayers for a man entrusted with the difficult task of rebuilding the church from the inside out.
In the past year his simple messages of ‘joy’ and ‘mercy’ have resounded with Catholics and non-Catholics alike, as he seems to have been able to bridge the distance between conformity and apathy, and the more humble he appears, the larger his popularity grows. While he actively chose to live in the Vatican’s guest house and to drive a donated 1984 manual transmission Renault, he also has pages on both Twitter and Facebook, has graced the cover of “Time” magazine as ‘Person of the Year’ and has been catapulted to ‘cool’ by appearing on the cover of the “Rolling Stone” and recently Speaker Boehner invited him to address a joint session of congress. Known for mingling routinely with visitors to Vatican City, he has admitted to his own moments of human weakness and when asked about gays he replied simply, “Who am I to judge?” Thus the man who is now the Vicar of Christ has won us over perhaps in the same way Jesus did so many centuries ago …. by becoming one of us and not holding himself above us.
It’s all too difficult to understand the concept of ‘perfection’ when we as human beings are all intrinsically flawed from the moment of our birth. Maybe that’s what Jesus was trying to tell his own followers in the days he walked the earth …. that he, too, had the same needs, wants and desires as the rest of us, and that he understood fear and apprehension as well as anyone, but the need to exhibit courage and conviction charged to someone chosen to lead must override all else in the face of opposition, thus bringing reconciliation to his followers by giving them something and someone to believe in.
March 13, 2014
No Pain, No Gain .......
“It’s not you, it’s me.” In your ongoing quest to find ‘true love’ how many times have you uttered those very same words to initiate a break-up? Only a time or two? A dozen? Perhaps more? When all the while during the course of that difficult conversation, in the back of your mind you’re thinking, “Damn right it’s me ….. I can no longer stand the sight of you, or I can no longer bear your dishonesty, your refusal to ‘let me in’, your gross disregard for my needs, your lying, your cheating, or any number of other possible excuses why you can no longer see the two of you continuing the relationship.
But what about when those same ambiguous words are hurled into your unsuspecting face, thus ending the relationship that – up until now – you had assumed was just fine? Panic stricken, your pulse quickens and your now defunct mind struggles for the means to somehow make sense out of a scene that can only be describes as surreal. You could cry, but instinctively you already know that’s of no use. You could beg and plead or even attempt to reason, but having been on the delivery end of this same conversation, you know every argument has previously been debated in his mind prior to the sit-down. Now the only way to preserve your remaining dignity is by gaining ‘acceptance’ as quickly as possible and then resist the urge to tell him he’ll be ‘sorry’ because you know in your heart he won’t.
Thus the only way to turn a ‘negative’ into a ‘positive’ is by meticulously peeling back the layers in order to try and come to some realistic understanding of exactly what went wrong and what role you played in the breakdown that preceded the break-up? Then and only then can you at least discover ‘value’ in having taken such a ride in the first place. I’ve often said, “Any love is good love,” and I still believe this is true, but with that being said, not every love is meant to last a lifetime. Thus taking the lessons you’ve learned forward can at least serve you by keeping you from repeating the same destructive patterns over and over again.
As a great believer in karma and the kinds of baggage we take from one life into the next, I think it’s at least worth considering that some relationships are just an opportunity to make right some previous wrong as a means of taking care of unfinished business. Therefore, once your purpose has been fulfilled, it’s only natural that the relationship will end. When you master the ability to look at a break-up under this same microscope, you do yourself an enormous favor in that it doesn’t have to keep hurting you long after it’s over. Then every relationship is just a part of your continued evolution. It’s okay to be sad for what you’ve lost, but your path is meant to keep moving forward as opposed to being stuck in one place.
No matter what your religious persuasion, the one continuous thread that manages to unite all of us to one another is the need to feel and express ‘unconditional love’ through having connected with another so deeply, we are able to accept him or her at face value. It is the same kind of love endowed by our creator and the kind of love that has the power to raise consciousness as a whole.
Nowadays many people casually throw around the term ‘soul mates’ as in ‘actively seeking’ or having just found theirs, and then they immediately set about a course to mold that person into their version of ‘perfection’. I am no different. But recently I’ve come to understand finding your soul’s mate means having found the one person who will fold into your life ‘as is’ without the necessity to change much of anything. Therefore, actually finding your soul mate will inevitably serve to obliterate whatever preconceived notions you previously held about partnerships. It is so powerful that it cannot help but change you as an individual and how you choose to relate to others in general.
Nowadays many people casually throw around the term ‘soul mates’ as in ‘actively seeking’ or having just found theirs, and then they immediately set about a course to mold that person into their version of ‘perfection’. I am no different. But recently I’ve come to understand finding your soul’s mate means having found the one person who will fold into your life ‘as is’ without the necessity to change much of anything. Therefore, actually finding your soul mate will inevitably serve to obliterate whatever preconceived notions you previously held about partnerships. It is so powerful that it cannot help but change you as an individual and how you choose to relate to others in general.
I don’t know if we only get one soul mate – or perhaps more than one – as I am not privileged to possess such universal knowledge, but I do know you cannot force or change someone who is ‘not’ into to someone who ‘is’ which will on occasion necessitate a break-up. However, with time and perseverance coupled with a belief in the greater good, the Universe will eventually pull all the necessary strings in order to bring the two of you together. When this does happen, all the hard work you’ve done – both internally and externally – will have been worth it. Therefore, when you’re suffering the painful withdrawals of separation try and remember you are at least one step closer to actually discovering your true love.
But what about when those same ambiguous words are hurled into your unsuspecting face, thus ending the relationship that – up until now – you had assumed was just fine? Panic stricken, your pulse quickens and your now defunct mind struggles for the means to somehow make sense out of a scene that can only be describes as surreal. You could cry, but instinctively you already know that’s of no use. You could beg and plead or even attempt to reason, but having been on the delivery end of this same conversation, you know every argument has previously been debated in his mind prior to the sit-down. Now the only way to preserve your remaining dignity is by gaining ‘acceptance’ as quickly as possible and then resist the urge to tell him he’ll be ‘sorry’ because you know in your heart he won’t.
Thus the only way to turn a ‘negative’ into a ‘positive’ is by meticulously peeling back the layers in order to try and come to some realistic understanding of exactly what went wrong and what role you played in the breakdown that preceded the break-up? Then and only then can you at least discover ‘value’ in having taken such a ride in the first place. I’ve often said, “Any love is good love,” and I still believe this is true, but with that being said, not every love is meant to last a lifetime. Thus taking the lessons you’ve learned forward can at least serve you by keeping you from repeating the same destructive patterns over and over again.
As a great believer in karma and the kinds of baggage we take from one life into the next, I think it’s at least worth considering that some relationships are just an opportunity to make right some previous wrong as a means of taking care of unfinished business. Therefore, once your purpose has been fulfilled, it’s only natural that the relationship will end. When you master the ability to look at a break-up under this same microscope, you do yourself an enormous favor in that it doesn’t have to keep hurting you long after it’s over. Then every relationship is just a part of your continued evolution. It’s okay to be sad for what you’ve lost, but your path is meant to keep moving forward as opposed to being stuck in one place.
No matter what your religious persuasion, the one continuous thread that manages to unite all of us to one another is the need to feel and express ‘unconditional love’ through having connected with another so deeply, we are able to accept him or her at face value. It is the same kind of love endowed by our creator and the kind of love that has the power to raise consciousness as a whole.
Nowadays many people casually throw around the term ‘soul mates’ as in ‘actively seeking’ or having just found theirs, and then they immediately set about a course to mold that person into their version of ‘perfection’. I am no different. But recently I’ve come to understand finding your soul’s mate means having found the one person who will fold into your life ‘as is’ without the necessity to change much of anything. Therefore, actually finding your soul mate will inevitably serve to obliterate whatever preconceived notions you previously held about partnerships. It is so powerful that it cannot help but change you as an individual and how you choose to relate to others in general.
Nowadays many people casually throw around the term ‘soul mates’ as in ‘actively seeking’ or having just found theirs, and then they immediately set about a course to mold that person into their version of ‘perfection’. I am no different. But recently I’ve come to understand finding your soul’s mate means having found the one person who will fold into your life ‘as is’ without the necessity to change much of anything. Therefore, actually finding your soul mate will inevitably serve to obliterate whatever preconceived notions you previously held about partnerships. It is so powerful that it cannot help but change you as an individual and how you choose to relate to others in general.
I don’t know if we only get one soul mate – or perhaps more than one – as I am not privileged to possess such universal knowledge, but I do know you cannot force or change someone who is ‘not’ into to someone who ‘is’ which will on occasion necessitate a break-up. However, with time and perseverance coupled with a belief in the greater good, the Universe will eventually pull all the necessary strings in order to bring the two of you together. When this does happen, all the hard work you’ve done – both internally and externally – will have been worth it. Therefore, when you’re suffering the painful withdrawals of separation try and remember you are at least one step closer to actually discovering your true love.
March 12, 2014
Reality Bites ........
I admit it …. I’ve oftentimes escaped into the world of reality television in an effort to just ‘be’ in a place where I didn’t have to think about anything in particular as a means to re-charge my batteries due to the demands of a difficult day or week, with Bravo being my network of choice. There I could enjoy a voyeuristic peek into the ‘Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous’ while I imagined what it must feel like to be immersed in such gracious living. For once I could actually be that proverbial ‘fly on the wall’ at an A-list function where I was able to admire the beautifully adorned women as if they were celebrities walking the red carpet. However, over the course of the past year, I feel more like a spectator caught within the throes of a rowdy audience shouting “Jer-ree, Jer-ree!”
As the veil continues to drop from off the shoulders of the privileged and otherwise private society of blue bloods and Nuevo riche, I continue to feel disappointed at just how low some women are willing to stoop to achieve ‘relevancy’ where the network producers are concerned as they overtly attempt to keep their name viable in tabloid media and social networks. During the various tenures of the ‘Housewives’ franchises, I have witnessed the demise of numerous close friendships, the breakdown of what were once previously strong marriages, and even the painful events leading up to a tragic suicide. Am I the only one who thinks fame and fortune can’t possibly be worth all that? If so, then one must pose the question, “When is enough, enough?” How much should any one individual be willing to sacrifice for the sake of having a ‘name’?
I no longer see the ladies who appear on the ‘Housewives’ as someone I wish to emulate. Certainly not all, but some have exhibited behaviors I would never ascribe to even on a bad day, such as public drunkenness and nudity, the constant ‘in your face’ kinds of confrontation that stands as the classic example of ‘mean girls’ both on and off the screen, back-stabbing and manipulative behavior designed to inflict pain on others, and mean-spirited gossip and innuendo that can destroy a reputation. The smartest among them – Bethany Frankel – gave a proper notice prior to her departure to pursue the kind of life and lifestyle she’d worked so hard to achieve, but in the end even her marriage could not withstand the rigors of being placed under a public microscope.
As a viewer, they have all but lost me ….. though I’m certain they will continue to thrive despite my absence. Over the course of the past year, I gave up on watching the never-ending triangular feud between Gretchen, Vicki and Tamra on the OC, an always hot Atlanta finally became way too ‘shady’ for my taste, while watching the implosion of an entire family unit eventually became the train wreck too difficult to endure in New Jersey, and fifteen minutes into last night’s NYC season premier, I could already detect the battle lines being drawn for future episodes. Therefore – speaking only for myself – this is no longer entertainment.
Perhaps my greatest disappointment of all came on this season’s RHOBH (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) who I’d previously viewed a ‘cut above’ the rest of the franchises. Among the cast, Lisa Vanderpump has continued to be a favorite of mine from the very beginning. Her cheeky little observations served up as evidence her self-esteem was firmly intact, as she refused to take all this new-found celebrity too seriously. All the others should have taken a page out of her book. Through every season Lisa has remained elegant and sophisticated, a loving wife, mother, friend and employer. Although she has strived to keep her sense-of-humor intact, it would seem petty jealousies might have finally gotten the better of her. From the airing of the first episodes this season, it was apparent some of her cast mates took issue with her accelerated rise to fame manifested through her successful spin-off “Vanderpump Rules” and the invitation to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”. The total lack of support she received following her collapse from exhaustion was exceeded only by the subsequent ridicule of her so-called friends. With friends like that who needs enemies?
Consequently, I understand all too well why she told Kyle Richards during the airing of the season finale, “I just can’t do this anymore.” Obviously I am ‘Team Lisa’ but I think almost everyone can understand at some point it is useless to continue beating a dead horse. As a former interior designer fortunate to have worked for some high-profile firms, I have had the pleasure of working with some incredibly wealthy individuals, and within my experience affluent people don’t behave badly as a given rule. Through hard work and dedication, they have prospered into a comfortable lifestyle, and as such they tend to be very restrained and protective.
It’s unfortunate ‘responsibility in advertising’ doesn’t extend into programming. Then maybe networks like Bravo would be made to consider what they are doing to their cast mates lives when they actively encourage such antics. No one’s dignity should have to be served up on a platter as the ‘sacrificial lamb’ for public consumption. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s time to put the ‘quality’ back into ‘quality time’ if for nothing else than to prove I have grown.
As the veil continues to drop from off the shoulders of the privileged and otherwise private society of blue bloods and Nuevo riche, I continue to feel disappointed at just how low some women are willing to stoop to achieve ‘relevancy’ where the network producers are concerned as they overtly attempt to keep their name viable in tabloid media and social networks. During the various tenures of the ‘Housewives’ franchises, I have witnessed the demise of numerous close friendships, the breakdown of what were once previously strong marriages, and even the painful events leading up to a tragic suicide. Am I the only one who thinks fame and fortune can’t possibly be worth all that? If so, then one must pose the question, “When is enough, enough?” How much should any one individual be willing to sacrifice for the sake of having a ‘name’?
I no longer see the ladies who appear on the ‘Housewives’ as someone I wish to emulate. Certainly not all, but some have exhibited behaviors I would never ascribe to even on a bad day, such as public drunkenness and nudity, the constant ‘in your face’ kinds of confrontation that stands as the classic example of ‘mean girls’ both on and off the screen, back-stabbing and manipulative behavior designed to inflict pain on others, and mean-spirited gossip and innuendo that can destroy a reputation. The smartest among them – Bethany Frankel – gave a proper notice prior to her departure to pursue the kind of life and lifestyle she’d worked so hard to achieve, but in the end even her marriage could not withstand the rigors of being placed under a public microscope.
As a viewer, they have all but lost me ….. though I’m certain they will continue to thrive despite my absence. Over the course of the past year, I gave up on watching the never-ending triangular feud between Gretchen, Vicki and Tamra on the OC, an always hot Atlanta finally became way too ‘shady’ for my taste, while watching the implosion of an entire family unit eventually became the train wreck too difficult to endure in New Jersey, and fifteen minutes into last night’s NYC season premier, I could already detect the battle lines being drawn for future episodes. Therefore – speaking only for myself – this is no longer entertainment.
Perhaps my greatest disappointment of all came on this season’s RHOBH (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills) who I’d previously viewed a ‘cut above’ the rest of the franchises. Among the cast, Lisa Vanderpump has continued to be a favorite of mine from the very beginning. Her cheeky little observations served up as evidence her self-esteem was firmly intact, as she refused to take all this new-found celebrity too seriously. All the others should have taken a page out of her book. Through every season Lisa has remained elegant and sophisticated, a loving wife, mother, friend and employer. Although she has strived to keep her sense-of-humor intact, it would seem petty jealousies might have finally gotten the better of her. From the airing of the first episodes this season, it was apparent some of her cast mates took issue with her accelerated rise to fame manifested through her successful spin-off “Vanderpump Rules” and the invitation to join the cast of “Dancing with the Stars”. The total lack of support she received following her collapse from exhaustion was exceeded only by the subsequent ridicule of her so-called friends. With friends like that who needs enemies?
Consequently, I understand all too well why she told Kyle Richards during the airing of the season finale, “I just can’t do this anymore.” Obviously I am ‘Team Lisa’ but I think almost everyone can understand at some point it is useless to continue beating a dead horse. As a former interior designer fortunate to have worked for some high-profile firms, I have had the pleasure of working with some incredibly wealthy individuals, and within my experience affluent people don’t behave badly as a given rule. Through hard work and dedication, they have prospered into a comfortable lifestyle, and as such they tend to be very restrained and protective.
It’s unfortunate ‘responsibility in advertising’ doesn’t extend into programming. Then maybe networks like Bravo would be made to consider what they are doing to their cast mates lives when they actively encourage such antics. No one’s dignity should have to be served up on a platter as the ‘sacrificial lamb’ for public consumption. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s time to put the ‘quality’ back into ‘quality time’ if for nothing else than to prove I have grown.
A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author .....
I could talk about my work. In fact I'm more than happy to discuss topics related to my writing as it is my passion. Therefore, if you have a question or comment I beg you to put it forth and you will
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