Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 5

With Liberty and Justice For All ......

Relationships are hard. At best it often winds up feeling something like a coin toss or a roll of the dice, but please try to imagine this ….. you meet someone new at work or a social function and notice there is instant chemistry. You both have eclectic taste in music, fashion and haute cuisine. Together you dream out loud about making more time in your hectic schedules for things like travel and exercise. As you continue to enjoy one another's company, hours seemingly pass in what feels more like minutes, then before parting ways you manage to exchange each other’s numbers and grant one another a ‘friendly’ hug before saying good night.

Over time it’s only natural that a close friendship develops between you as you share in each other’s joys and pains and begin to reminisce about simpler times, until one night after polishing off a bottle of rare vintage, it happens. One of you dares to make an uncalculated move toward intimacy, left previously undiscussed despite the amount of time you’ve spent together. Hearts quicken as instinct takes over where reason is left behind. Passion erupts culminating in an experience marked by the fact you’ve never quite experienced this depth of emotion prior to this moment.

There’s no denying it …. you are in love. You are filled with this overwhelming need to protect this individual who now lies sleeping silently beside you, because everything you share suddenly outweighs any concern you previously held dear. Instinctively you know there is no length you wouldn’t go to preserve what is manifested by God ….. the right to express love in its purest form. Now imagine this same love that is so precious and rare happens to be with someone of the same gender as you.

Love is the most powerful of all emotions. Figuratively, it has the power to move mountains and nations alike in its ability to call people into action, and it is not something confined strictly to our bedrooms on average 2 to 3 nights per week. That notion alone is strictly puritanical and outdated. It is meant to be celebrated and enjoyed in open fashion so that it may become more infectious than any pandemic that could ever threaten the world’s population. It’s only through the open expression of love that we can hope to save the human race for all humanity.

Since the recent ban on gay marriage in my home state of Arkansas, I’ve heard a lot of opinions expressed on the matter. I can’t help thinking some of those who squawk the loudest should be marching underneath a waving banner titled ‘The Unenlightened’. How can anyone claim to be evolved, much less assert that prejudice is dead when he or she is willing to openly discriminate against what conservative estimates number to be 9 million individuals who openly claim to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, which fails to account for those still scared to come out of the closet?

I am both heterosexual and a practicing Roman Catholic who has the utmost reverence for sanctity of marriage. With the church having hid behind the ‘veil of secrecy’ for decades before having been brought down by subsequent scandal, our newest pontiff, Pope Francis, has publicly stated in relation to the question of gays and the church, “Who am I to judge?” To me that comes closest to echoing the sentiment of God’s love than any representative before him.

And yet so many of our nation’s citizens do just that every time they claim exclusivity by stating, “Marriage is a sacrament reserved solely for one man and one woman.” In my book any love is good love when it seeks to ‘lift up’ another human being by exhibiting countless examples of selflessness and mutual concern for one another’s wellbeing, and it deserves the kind of legal protection offered by the statute of marriage.

With roughly 1 in 2 first marriages currently ending in divorce the ‘one man/one woman’ thing is only working roughly 50% of the time, therefore how could gays possibly set a worse example for our children to follow? But really, at the end of the day what gives anyone the right to project their personal beliefs about how to live a decent life onto another? What is it they’re afraid of? As the popular saying goes, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

No one can threaten the sanctity of your marriage or your beliefs systems but you. We live in a free country and its high time those freedoms were extended to ‘all’ of our citizens. It’s only then we can boast the claim ‘With Liberty and Justice For All.”

Here's To The Season Of Idiocy ......

Americans are fond of their seasons …. not the ones that come with a change of weather, but rather those better defined by tradition. Therefore, we have the ‘Season of Giving Thanks’ celebrated by sitting around the dining room table with friends and family while dressed to the nines enjoying the bounty of our harvest served on fine china, flanked by heirloom silver and fragile crystal filled with water and wine. From there we move to the ‘Season of Giving’ celebrated with the observance of Christmas and Chanukah wherein gifts are exchanged as a means of showing love and appreciation for those who bring special meaning to our lives on a daily basis. With the approach of spring comes Easter and the ‘Season of Miracles’ celebrated by Christians worldwide as we observe the sacrifice Jesus made on behalf of all humanity that we might one day enjoy eternity. With a handful of lesser holidays designed to honor veterans, love and the birth of our nation, it seems we, Americans, are constantly bearing down on some excuse to take time off and raise a glass.

So it occurred to me we ought to call election year – any election year – whether midterms or the race for the presidency, the ‘Season of Idiocy’. Before I elaborate let me first say I am a ‘proud American’ who votes her conscious every single election. I go to the trouble to educate myself on the referendums and the candidates before voting according to my belief system. It is the only power we have to try and shape our government by making our voices heard, and I’m still idealistic enough to believe that counts for something …. at least it should.

But it seems every time I turn on my television or answer my telephone these days – the land line that is – I am bombarded with political messages designed to sway my vote. November is six months away and already I feel overwhelmed and more than just a little resentful at the tactics being exercised by both parties. For instance, it seems the most popularized tag line being exercised by Republicans at large is, “I’ll work hard to repeal Obamacare.”

Well let’s talk about that for a moment …. The Affordable Care Act, its proper name, is law, and once a social benefit or government guarantee is bestowed it’s all but impossible to revoke. In an effort to thwart the passage of a national healthcare plan, Republicans chose not to take part in shaping the policy, which could have moved it in a more conservative direction, and then they chose to oppose and obstruct the bill at every turn, even going so far as to force a government shutdown, thereby casting dispersions on the party as a whole. A former speech writer for President George W. Bush named David Frum called this failed effort the Republican’s ‘Waterloo’. He subsequently lost his job at the American Enterprise Institute.

Repeal would entail the ‘removal’ or the ‘reversal of law’ which would require both chambers of congress to agree on the passage of new legislation to change the U.S. Code. In order to even make this feasible, Republicans would need to gain enough seats in the senate to overcome a filibuster with sixty or more votes – highly unlikely. Then ‘if’ the Executive Branch remains under Democratic control, then the acting president could simply veto the new law. At that point Congress would need 2/3 vote in each chamber to override the presidential veto. Since congressional leaders have effectively gridlocked our government by refusing to agree on just about anything, how likely is it they could gain a 2/3 margin on any topic, much less healthcare? As of April 19, 2014 over 8 million Americans had signed up for affordable healthcare, me included. So anyone who works toward a repeal of any kind runs the risk of disenfranchising a substantial number of potential voters. Basically it isn’t going to happen, and any candidate who runs on a platform that suggest otherwise is as good as calling you stupid.

Even within my own party outrageous claims are constantly being made about opponents, such as the criticism leveled at the fact one candidate had made “a lot of money working with the insurance industry.” So? Isn’t that what free enterprise and capitalism is all about? Isn’t that why we’re all working? We’re hoping that paycheck leads to some form of success that will in turn lead to financial security and a sense of well-being. Who wouldn’t want this for themselves and their family? I can’t perceive this claim as a character flaw any more than I could fault Mitt Romney for having made millions at the helm of Bain Capital. Leverage buy-outs are a part of our economy, and though they may have some unattractive features, they can also be positive in terms of allowing a faltering company the ability to restructure and revitalize itself in the process. Some jobs are lost while others are gained. It is the process of streamlining.

My one question to the candidates, “Can’t anyone run strictly on merit anymore?” Or did that concept die along with political idealism on the floor of Hollywood’s editing rooms with the advent of popular shows like “House of Cards” and “Scandal” both of which I am a fan? In this age of newfound wisdom that lies at our fingertips thanks to the technological genius of powerful search engines like Bing and Google, it would seem Hollywood should be applauded for portraying ‘inside politics’ in a grittier fashion that more closely echoes reality than predecessors like “The West Wing” and “Mr. Smith Goes To Washington”.

I suppose there’s a valid reason why we can all quote the famous line, “Show me an honest politician, and I’ll show you a liar,” author unknown, but I tend to like the updated version posted in a blog by Stephanie Janson on October 18, 2012, “Show me an honest politician and I’ll show you a man with no job.” Politicians lie …. we all know it, so when they do why not pour their words through a sieve in hopes that what makes it through will be the truth, then by the end of the ‘Season of Idiocy’ we can at least have leadership we can believe in once again.

A Mother's Love ......

Inspired by a friend who wrote me a lengthy email last night, I’ve decided to take a page out of his book today. He had recently read an article entitled “Why We Hate Mothers-In-Law” and as such decided to write a rebuttal in the form of a touching essay about the lady who had once been his own. It was both personal and poignant, revealing his great admiration and respect for the woman she had been and the kind of life she’d lived as an Air Force wife and mother of four. What I appreciated most was how he chose not to gloss over her faults in an effort to portray her as some larger-than-life figure, but rather a woman whose attributes and unique sense of style far out-weighed her detractions. I’ve always believed it is a person’s humanity that makes them most appealing as opposed to their efforts toward greatness.

Over the years, I’ve often written about the sometimes difficult journey to becoming my own mother’s best friend, but I’ve never written about my former mother-in-law, now deceased. Thinking about that today, I’m almost surprised by that fact, because she no doubt had almost as great an impact on shaping who I’ve become as an adult as that of my own mother, and our particular passage was oftentimes just as fraught with complexity as we struggled to gain mutual love and acceptance.

The two of us couldn’t have been more different ….. she grew up on a large farm out in Red Oak with six siblings who – by necessity – following the loss of their mother, were forced to take on the adult challenges of earning a living and running a household while helping their father keep their family together during the depression era. Specifically, there weren’t ‘time-outs’ for holiday celebrations or family outings, because no one day differed that much from the one that preceded it or the next one to come. The roost was ruled by the overwhelming need to stay one step ahead of the responsibilities that dictated their survival. Consequently, there weren’t any bedtime stories nor the comfort to be found in a mother’s unconditional love, just long days filled with hard work and a little rest in between.

I – on the other hand – grew up in a far more traditional household where my father worked outside the home while Mother stayed at home keeping the house and raising us kids. Though we weren’t wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, my brother, sister and I failed to notice, because it always seemed we had plenty. Each evening the entire family sat around the dinner table reliving the events of our day and discussing current events. During the times when I know money must have been short, our parents protected us from that kind of stress and worry, which allowed us to revel in our carefree childhood days, whiling away the hours building forts, making playhouses, listening to records and walking to the neighborhood market for some sweet treat. It was a good life and one I appreciate so much more now that it seems those times are what we now refer to as ‘days gone by’.

At the time I married and began my own family, I was a young woman who placed a high premium on formal education and the pursuit of a career, after all I’d come up in an era where women were encouraged to seek self-satisfaction through self-expression, which may or may not have included a husband and children at all. But me, I was one of those intent on ‘having it all’ in the form of a nice home, a husband, children and a career. I also delegated a large portion of my wages toward dressing stylishly, having my hair done regularly and generally taking good care of myself and my appearance. While I felt justified in doing so, my mother-in-law saw this as purely selfish and self-serving in a manner that detracted from my family’s overall well-being. She also saw me as a mother who ‘gave in’ to my children far too often as a means to try and make them happy; therefore, I was seemingly lax in the kind of rigorous discipline she’d been forced to grow up with as a child where concerns about personal happiness and fulfillment never entered the picture.

I can’t possibly count how many times we but heads on these very subjects, usually with me falling in retreat, dissolving into a puddle of my own tears and resenting my husband – her son – for not having the wherewithal to take up for his own wife. But then something happened ….. one Sunday afternoon while just the two of us sat around her kitchen table jointly preparing the food that would become the entire Sunday dinner with brothers, sisters, spouses and a host of small children in attendance, we stopped fighting and started talking to one another. While I listened to stories about her childhood and how she’d lost her first baby in infancy and had to endure her grief alone with both of her parents gone and her husband still enlisted in the army, I felt a wave of compassion come over me and a measure of respect I’d never felt for another human being, while she allowed herself to see the true person that existed behind the make-up and hair was a just frightened young woman unsure of exactly how she was ever going to fit in to this big and boisterous family who refused to accept her at face value. Out of that afternoon a kinship was born between us that lasted over three decades and even survived a brutal divorce.

In the years to come – particularly after her son and I parted ways – we spent many hours of quality time together listening to each other’s concerns while taking long drives out into the country and finding a pretty spot to drink a glass or two of cheap wine. We each served as the unofficial head of one another’s mutual admiration society, and following that first afternoon when we had formed our original alliance, never spent one single solitary moment in judgment for the deeds or misgivings we shared in confidence.

When she suffered a series of strokes that landed her in the hospital on her way out of this life, her family was kind enough to recognize that I was one of the last people she would want to see, so a call was put into me requesting I come immediately from Dallas while she was still here and conscious. Despite a heaving workload, I left to be at her side for the end knowing how precious those moments would be. When I arrived, I sat on the edge of her hospital bed holding her hand and stroking her hair trying to exhibit the kind of courage needed for each of us to be able to ‘let go’ and when she left, a part of me flew away with her. Yes, she was my mother-in-law, but she couldn’t have been any less important to me than my own mom, and though it’s been almost another decade since I lost her, to this day I still think of her often.

Some nights – particularly when I’m feeling overly stressed and tired – she visits me in my dreams, and each time I wake feeling so much better, as if I’ve been given a priceless gift. As I sit here today I can almost hear her singing …. “In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore,” and I smile knowing that when we do, I shall at last be in heaven.

Happy Mother’s Day to all women who know what it is to both give and receive ‘a mother’s love’.

"We The People" .....

Yesterday President Obama toured the areas around Arkansas ravaged by the tornadoes just over a week ago, and for the most part I’m happy to say I’ve heard nothing but positive comments. In this regard, it’s somewhat surprising considering that since Ronald Reagan’s tenure as Commander in Chief the ‘Natural State’ – at least on a national level – has voted squarely in the red column much to my chagrin. I was raised within the protective confines of a family who could best be described as ‘Kennedy Democrats’ who embraced the concept of idealism brought about through the kind of progressive thought that led to changes within society designed to level the playing field enough to ‘lift up’ the forgotten and oppressed. I’ve always taken pride in that fact and feel immeasurably blessed to have had the parents I had and still have today.

‘We The People’ need leadership. Members of the Continental Congress recognized this fact 238 years ago when they penned the United States Constitution in Carpenter’s Halls in Philadelphia. Despite our oftentimes rebellious natures and independent spirits, sometimes we still need someone greater than ourselves to help us do the right things when it comes to peaceable co-existence.

It makes me sad to think just how divided a nation we’ve become when it comes to political ideology. Although I am what is commonly described as a ‘yellow dog democrat’ I am still willing to concede sometimes my party doesn’t have all the right answers. You cannot be all things, to all people all of the time. To even try means something suffers.

Earlier today as I was speaking with an old acquaintance, I waxed nostalgic about downtown Hot Springs, the hometown where I grew up. I remember a time when my parents could release my girlfriends and me on the streets of downtown early Saturday morning for a full day’s worth of roaming freely among the souvenir shops, soda fountains and the local five and dime toiling over how best to spend our weekly allowance. Why there was even a notable palmist who held council in a gift shop filled with posters and black lights. There was no fear of abductions or mayhem of any sort, only random acts of bravery as we sampled chocolate-covered grasshoppers from out of the exotic foods store and dared to venture into Martin’s Pool Hall to order what was notably the best ham sandwich in town. We rode our town’s only escalator – a wooden one at J C Penney’s – and dipped our toes in the natural hot springs. It represented a time before shopping malls and strip centers dotted our landscape and lured shoppers out to the suburbs and it was a time of innocence when a person’s worth was not measured by the neighborhood they lived in or the make and model of the family car.

Back then politicians actually sat down across the table from one another hammering out legislation intended to benefit us all. I do miss those days. Why is it we need something as devastating as a killer tornado to bring out what’s best in us, when we can come together as Americans united under the single cause to help those in need? Why can’t we stop categorizing ourselves as either ‘red’ or ‘blue’ but rather as individuals striving to make life better for everyone?

As long as we are a free society governed by a two-party system with independents and lesser fringe groups in tow, we shall always suffer from a difference of opinion as to how we go about running things. However, I tend to believe there is more ‘common ground’ than some would have you believe. Maybe it’s there at the point of destruction when we feel as if we’ve lost everything that we gain the kind of clarity needed to find the starting point to begin again and claim what’s rightfully ours ….. ‘One Nation Under God’ ….. just like the towns of Mayflower, Vilonia and El Paso are doing with the help of a president who has proven he cares.

The 'Look' of Love ......

We’ve all seen it dozens of times in everything from romantic comedies to epic dramas about love and loss played out on the big screen, wherein a typical scene might begin with two unlikely strangers who happen to lock eyes from across a crowded room …. the woman – slightly embarrassed and caught off guard – looks away at first but then her eyes are instantly drawn back to him. While he – on the other hand – has never broken his stare. They’re inexplicably drawn to each other. A couple drinks later they’re finishing each other’s sentences and disclosing long-held secrets to one another. An evening that had begun with an itinerate cocktail party neither had been interested in attending had suddenly morphed into the perfect evening. It must be kismet! Right?

Really? Is that what happens in real life? Or is it more likened to an e-Harmony commercial where the man or woman of your dreams is just waiting to be discovered? I’ve found that in reality the best couples don’t always start out that way. Sure, no one in their right mind would be willing to underestimate the power incumbent within that initial animalistic attraction that begs the need to get close to someone in order to learn more, but a relationship that develops into something more profound is more often than not a hard fought victory orchestrated on love’s own battlefield.

True love often pushes us far beyond our pre-conceived boundaries, therefore landing us in uncharted territories far outside our ‘comfort zone’. It sees not only who we are but who we’re capable of becoming, and though it confounds us to the point we’re absolutely certain it would be infinitely easier to just walk away at times, there also exist somewhere deep within a much greater urge to stay …. if only for the sole benefit of discerning what it is that inexplicably draws us to this individual.

I believe the real reason so many couples end up feeling disenchanted with their relationships is the fact that they have ceased to grow as individuals. To love someone is to encourage his or her dreams while continuing to nurture your own. No matter how ‘perfect’ a relationship my appear on the surface, it is unfair to expect any one individual capable of fulfilling all of your needs. It places undue strain on your partnership as well as the overall integrity of how you relate to one another. It’s only by becoming the best version of yourself can any two people hope to evolve as a couple throughout the various stages of life’s ongoing journey.

That’s not to imply it’s all peaches and ice cream every single day. When your mate begins to grow stagnant, maybe it’s time to push a few buttons in order to reveal the hidden strengths residing just beneath the surface. It’s only through testing our limits that any of us manage to push toward our true calling where destiny may eventually be fulfilled. Whether encouragement takes the form of gentle persuasion or a swift kick in the ass, someone who loves you enough to want what’s best for you will continue to do so with utmost kindness and respect, because their happiness will always be irrevocably linked to your own.

Your one true love will not shower you with compliments designed to gain your trust and grow your ego only to eventually betray and abandon you. He or she will say the things you ‘need’ to hear versus simply saying what you ‘want’ to hear for the sake of keeping the peace, but they will do so motivated by the depth love and devotion they feel for you and the need to preserve what you have as a couple. Only a superficial relationship would do the same thing as a means to gain the upper hand. Your heart’s desire will always strive to push you forward as opposed to holding you back, because your success is cause for joint celebration. Even in moments of extreme exasperation, your true love will take a step back rather than confront you head on in an effort to give you the necessary room to grow so that in the future you will have the strength and courage needed to restrict negative behavior. Thus your partner will always be more focused on who you want to become versus who you used to be.

Someone who loves you the way you want and need to be loved will always follow through in terms of keeping promises. They will always have your back, and when they happen to fall short of expectations, they will accept responsibility and apologize knowing that by doing so they have only strengthened the bond you share.

Romantic love can be experienced any number of times, because it is fleeting, and it will disappear the moment things get rough, but the kind of love that rocks your world and turns you inside out in the process of helping you become the best you can be comes along only once in a lifetime and cannot be duplicated. In love, slow and steady growth will always win the race over passion’s fires hell bent on consuming all the oxygen in the relationship until it’s permanently extinguished. If you’re fortunate enough to have that then thank your lucky stars, because so many would give almost anything to experience what you already possess, and if you don’t then at least train yourself to recognize the ‘look of love’ so that when it glances it your direction you’ll be up for the challenge.

Bad Hair Daze ......

First, a post script to yesterday’s posting ….. Today the names of those who perished in the tornadic storm of April 27th in Arkansas were released and my heart breaks – along with so many others – for the friends and families who miss them and are caught in that vacuum between the need to grieve and the need to salvage what is left of their lives. Knowing the victim’s identities elevates them from a mere statistic to people who lived rich lives surrounded by those who loved and cherished them most. Although they will continue to live on in the hearts and minds of those who knew them best, I personally know this will pale in comparison to being able to actually hold them in your arms. Godspeed to you all ……

In addition, I reported that the death toll was fourteen, but unfortunately that has been increased to sixteen. Altogether, there are now 29 dead in six states, and the storm rages on ….. no loss is greater than the next. When anyone you love is lost in such a quick and violent manner, it shakes you to the core and takes your breath away to the point you feel as if you can’t possibly go on …. but you do. Surrounded by those who feel your pain and long to help, you take one step at a time, always moving forward and taking the time to thank God for all that was spared.

Now something ‘lighter’ to digest …..

I know it’s shallow to think the worth of some days can be measured in how good or bad your hair looks, but on a purely superficial level, sometimes it indeed boils down to just that. While so many others on this planet are dealing with varying degrees of both triumph and tragedy, I am coping with the monotony of feeling trapped within a routine from which I cannot seem to break free, and unfortunately boredom can be the worst form of oppression for a creative mind. It’s like painting all of your windows black from the inside thereby cutting off your vision from all that is not in your immediate surroundings. I struggle for inspiration.

I avoid subjecting myself to my reflection in the mirror as much as possible, because then I begin to obsess and start looking at hairstyles online. Do I cut it? Do I color it? Or do I continue growing it out? For a non-celebrity such as me these are big decisions, as I can’t afford to fix a costly mistake, and I certainly can’t maintain hair extensions. Whatever I do, I’ll be forced to live with for a long long time. My hair appointment – which was already one week overdue last week – had to be moved due to illness, and by now I can’t stand to look at myself.

Nothing works …. not my clothes, nor my make-up, my shoes and least of all my hair. I detest days like these. What I really need is a vacation, but with no travel plans on the horizon, I’m forced to figure my way out of this ‘funk’ without the aid and benefit of some pleasant diversion.

I work too hard, but then who doesn’t? Trying to make ends meet in a world where everything cost three times what it should isn’t easy, and Weight Watchers isn’t the only one with a maintenance plan! Then there are birthdays, graduations and grandchildren. It never ends, but I suppose the ongoing challenge of trying to figure out how to make it all work is the only thing that drags me out of bed. Otherwise, I’d really just as soon sleep in.

As I pull my hair back and secure it with the only thing I could find – a rubber band – which I know I’ll regret later on when I’m forced to cut it out of my hair, the only profundity that comes to mind is a line attributed to Scarlett O’Hara in Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone With The Wind” ….. “Tomorrow is another day.” At least then I get to have my hair done. Maybe then I can focus my time and energy on something a little more worthwhile and important. Until then I’ll just have to grin and bear it …. and avoid mirrors at all cost.

In The Face of Tragedy ......

According to Henry Ward Beecher, a clergyman from the 19th Century …..

Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength; and strength is not used rightly when it only serves to carry a man above his fellows for his own solitary glory. He is greatest whose strength carries up the most hearts by the attraction of his own.

This morning when I first went outside a little after sunrise, I took in my surroundings with a renewed sense of appreciation for the beauty and organization that was mine, especially considering the devastation that occurred less than one hundred miles to the northeast following the carnage left in the wake of a deadly tornado. That same storm had come over my own home about an hour and a half prior to making landfall when I noticed the day had suddenly turned to night within the course of only a few minutes as the torrential rains mercilessly pounded against the windows and the trees began to dart and dance in an awkward circular motion, as if they were being shaken by their roots, but at that point it lacked the strength it needed to form into that familiar silhouette that strikes fear in the hearts and minds of anyone whose acquainted with the sheer power they’re capable of exerting against anyone or anything that stands in their path.

It’s difficult to fully process the images ….. a man standing alone with his back facing you while he silently surveys the pile of rubble before him that only moments before represented his home; the twisted remains of what had once been a child’s treasured stuffed animal, soiled and lying face down in a muddy ditch; sedans, trucks, SUV’s and tractor-trailer rigs crumpled like discarded pieces of paper strewn unnaturally over an abandoned stretch of highway; and what was once a bustling neighborhood convenience store stands in ruin as testimony to the eerie calm that always follows these storms while those affected are forced to pause in order to catch their breath before screaming out in agony.

What was once a vibrant community outside of a popular neighboring college town surrounded by even smaller townships and communities was leveled for the second time in three years almost to the day following Sunday evening’s ½ mile wide tornado that ripped through a 60 mile swath of rural Arkansas on what was supposed to be a day of rest. Like the serial killer intent on collecting the lives of his hapless victims, so too did this storm claim the lives of fourteen, including two children, as well as seriously injuring many others. It was indescribably quick, unforgiving and intent upon leaving its indelible mark.

Surveying the damage, it’s difficult to comprehend just how anyone could recover from such loss, but you do, because you have to and because so many before you have been forced to do the same for any number of reasons both natural and manmade, but mainly because devastation of this nature always gives rise to that which is best about the human spirit …… namely its will to survive in the face of adversity, as well as its necessity to reach out to those in peril as a means to show we are ‘one’ united in mind, body and soul, held together by faith in the greater good. People who might otherwise have never had the opportunity to meet join together, compelled by the common desire to do ‘something’ that will help. Complete strangers donate time, blood, money and whatever resources they have in order to show others they are not alone in their struggles. Countless prayers are offered up as one collective voice soliciting the tender mercies that all those affected so richly deserve, and for once politicians ban together – not as conservatives or liberals – but as Arkansans reaching out to the communities they represent. Times like these serve as reminders that not all angels among us sport wings.

In time the debris will be cleared, homes and businesses rebuilt and memorials erected to remember those lives lost. Life will at some point take on the characteristics of normalcy as day-to-day existence takes on the appearance of what it used to look like before the storm of April 27th. However, for the survivors life has forever changed. One cannot experience something of this magnitude and not have their perception of their place in the world permanently altered. For now sorrow has arrived and happiness has taken leave. It cannot stand pain, therefore it dies in the face of suffering. On the other hand, one day joy will once again rise from the sorrow and as a result, it can withstand grief. By the grace of God, joy is the transfiguration of suffering into endurance, of endurance into character, and of character into hope, and where there is hope all things remain possible.

In times like this when there is little within sight to hold on to, it’s best to remember a saint doesn’t know the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it. Paul said, “I am exceedingly joyful in all tribulation.”

Comprehending The Circle of Life .......

From the moment of our birth the one and only certainty any of us has is that one day we shall die, and yet most of us spend very little time in contemplation about this absolute fact. Today my favorite Sunday morning program on CBS featured a number of segments whose only common thread was ‘death’ which of course started me thinking. In one form or another, death surrounds each of us every single day. On a purely superficial level we see it in the seasons as we all witness the lifespan of vegetation that is born in the spring, flourishes throughout the summer, and then begins to decline in autumn with one final burst of color before it succumbs to the inevitable frost that heralds the coming of winter. Begrudgingly we bear the cold and the death that surrounds us at every turn, knowing with the coming of spring we will once again witness renewal. However, in a much more profound and pronounced manner, we also experience it each time we lose someone we love, knowing their presence will no longer grace our lives moving forward, and such is the circle of life. Though some lifespans are as brief as the change of one season into the next, others will span decades before that final surrender.

When I was a very young adult and was forced to deal with death head on through the departure of a loved one such as my maternal grandmother, Myra, I was consoled by the fact that she was old and had been ill for quite some time, but as I sit here today I realize she died at the age of 66, an age I hope to see myself in just ten years, but then two and a half decades later, the impossible happened when my brother who loved life as much as anyone I’d ever known was killed along with one of his best friends in a horrific car accident two months to the day before his fiftieth birthday. It was at that time I decided I needed to come to terms with death as a means to tolerate my ongoing suffering.

I knew I didn’t want to become bitter nor even dare to question the higher form of wisdom contained within the Universe. I never asked ‘why’ but instead pondered the question ‘why not’ ….. why should death and the subsequent suffering touch other families and not my own? Who were we to think we should be immune? As a result, I read everything I could get my hands on that dealt with the subject of death and suffering, and the most moving thing came from the hand of a woman who had dealt with the ongoing fear of losing her beautiful, young daughter to anorexia. Almost ten years later, I still refer to her collection of poems, essays and scripture, along with her own thoughts and ponderings that she copied and bound together for my benefit.

Patricia Hesse dared to ask the question, “Why Should We Seek to See God’s Hand in Our Sufferings?”

"We experience what we believe. Each person looks at life though a different vision. Three men can look at a tree. One man will see so many board feet of valuable lumber worth so much money. The second man will see it as so much firewood to be burned, to keep his family warm in the winter. The third man will see it as a masterpiece of God’s creative art given to man as an expression of God’s love and enduring strength, with a value far beyond its worth in money or firewood."

"What we live for determines what we see in life and gives clear focus to our inner vision: We can respond to suffering by resisting and fight against it, however if God has engineered the problem we are fighting God; we can run from it and leave or abandon the difficult situation, however we may be running out on God; we can retreat into bitterness and become inwardly resentful, however we then become full of hate; or we can reap the rewards and look for God’s lessons as His blessings are infused into us within the pain."

As such, I came to the gradual understanding that by embracing suffering, I was also putting myself in touch with deeper, often hidden realities. For the kind of suffering incumbent within the permanent loss of someone you loved deeply annihilates any complacency you once held about reality and your ability to feel insulated from the pain and suffering you once believed only happened to others. Consequently you cannot help but experience life on an altogether different plane of existence as you finally grasp the impermanence of it all. Life is indeed fleeting, and at some point along the way, even for those of us who are gifted with a long life, it starts to speed up at such a rapid pace you cannot help but ask yourself, “Where did all the time go?”

It’s only through grasping the fact that at best our lives are a temporal existence that we become free to become more alive by getting in touch we our emotions as we begin to feel more deeply, love more profoundly, touch others by sharing in the generosity of the human spirit and experience the world at large in a manner we might have otherwise avoided. This is why it is often stated, “Suffering is the first grace.”

It’s only by coming to the understanding that life is a gift do we begin to enjoy it on the level that was originally intended. As illogical as it may sound, I see my suffering as the greatest gift my brother ever gave me when he departed this life. Without it I would have never grown in the ways that began to make my life feel complete, and I would have continued to struggle with my own value as it pertained to others. I would have never connected with my faith in a way that gave me a deeper awareness of the workings of the Universe and its collective consciousness, nor grasped the concept behind ‘being there’ for others as indeed the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Instead I would have continued fighting my own personal battles while struggling to lay blame on anyone but myself for my sad condition.

Each life – no matter how long or short – is complete at its end, thus the circle of life has joined beginning to end in a manner that shall always remain a mystery until we have all the answers. While one person dies, another is born and so it goes as the world continues to repopulate itself with souls on a mission to discover the excellence of being. So in absence of absolute knowledge, perhaps it is the journey and not the destination that should remain at our mind’s forefront as our primary focus, as the end will come for all of us at one time or another, and when it does only our deeds will remain in our stead. Until then I know that God’s love is shown in me and through me, thus I try never to waste an opportunity to show that love to others.

There For The Grace Of God Go I .......

There’s no doubt I’ve been fortunate in my life. From birth I was blessed to have been born into a good, loving and supportive family. I had a hard-working dad and a stay-at-home mom, and as a result there was ‘order’ to my life that I didn’t fully appreciate until much later on when I tried to accomplish the same. There were difficult times for sure, but that was always tempered by the security of knowing I was loved and my needs were being met come what may.

Like my brother and sister before me, I worked hard to gain a formal education, and it came at a time in my life when I actually appreciated it and didn’t piss it away on parties, booze and boys. I was already married and mother of two by the time I entered school, thus I felt privileged to be there. I immersed myself in my studies and endeavored to expand my consciousness. There was no doubt I drove those closest to me to distraction every time I insisted upon imparting my new-found knowledge to them as well. I suppose on some level I’m still trying to do that ….. because that’s what writers do when they move the voices that speak to them from inside out.

The mind is this incredible thing. It’s compact, intricate gray matter, capable of storing and warehousing a seemingly endless amount of information from the moment of our birth. Its versatility is evidenced by its capability to analyze, adapt and act as a command post for the rest of our bodies in ever changing situations throughout the entire course of our lives. I read once where people only use roughly about 10% of their brain’s capacity and all I can think of in exchange for that tidbit of information is ‘what a shame’ but I digress ……

I have been lucky enough to travel extensively in this country, as well as beyond its borders at times. Therefore, I have experienced a multitude of cultures firsthand, each time striving to ‘imprint’ the memories onto my mind so that I might recall them on those days when I’m feeling something like a caged lioness, pacing back and forth in her crate.

I’ve changed a lot over the years. I like to think of myself as both caring and kind, with an expanded consciousness that allows me to believe in the things I can see, as well as that I can only sense is true. I like to trust in the fact that we as a human race possess all the tools and power we need to raise the consciousness of the entire world and in the process actually save the planet and its inhabitants for all generations, if we only pay attention to the needs of others as well as our own.

We’ve all been hurt. While some bear obvious physical scars, others carry them deep inside so that they may revisit the wounds on a daily basis as a means to try and make sense of it all, but I’ve been forced to learn at some point understanding of that nature ceases to serve a useful purpose, but rather keeps you locked in an emotional prison where misery stands guard in an effort to keep you captive, knowing you hold the keys to unlock your cell the moment you decide for whatever reason you’ve suffered long enough, and you need to break free.

Do I still believe that Jesus was born, suffered, died and was risen to save our mortal souls? Of course I do, but if we fail to realize the gifts He left behind, we all but negate his sacrifice. He suffered so that we no longer have to. When someone we love dies, we can rest assured they have left us to enter paradise, and one day we shall join them. When someone we once loved is no longer around, we can take solace in the fact that for a time we each served a vital purpose in assisting in the development of one another’s soul, and now it’s time to move on. When someone hurts us we can come to terms with the fact that it was pain we needed to understand so that we can take that knowledge and use it to help others. The list goes on ….. Although Jesus may have ascended into heaven, He left behind the spirit of his teachings about God’s infinite love and compassion that we too may learn emulate his perfection by offering forgiveness to those who have transgressed against us.

I know some forgiveness is hard fought as some are seemingly not deserving considering the deeds of their past, but remember God loves ‘all’ of his children perfectly, even those who are seemingly damaged beyond repair. As a loving parent, how can anyone choose to love one child while abandoning another? Therefore, if we refuse to choose between our own children, why would God choose between His? Love the Lord, thy God above all others and love thy neighbor as yourself. It really is that simple.

And remember ….. if you’re fortunate to be happy, healthy and generally doing well it’s not because you’re bigger, better or even brighter than the next one. It simply means that fate has decided to smile on you – so take a moment to be grateful – and then pay it forward lest your luck decide to turn. There are no guarantees in this life. Sometimes it is long and prosperous, other times it is fleeting and difficulty waits for you at every turn, but in the end whether it’s been good or bad, it is the relationships you build with others that will serve as your legacy, and that makes even the struggles worth sticking around for.

Patience as a Virtue ....

From the time I was a little girl I was often told, “Patience is a virtue,” but I assumed although that may very well be true for some it was a virtue that I, myself, did not possess. After all no one is completely virtuous. So instead I chose to be impatient, living each day as if were running out of time. I set lofty goals and tackled people and issues head on as if I could someone will my own fate and have all of the things I wanted, but that was foolish thinking on my part …… an obvious miscalculation from a mind that lacked maturity, particularly when it came to matters of ‘faith’. To this day I can clearly remember teachers in Sunday school class preaching, “Ask and you shall receive,” but they failed to ‘qualify’ that statement, and as a result the more I asked for and failed to get, the more I began feeling as if faith had let me down, or perhaps even worse, that somehow I failed to merit God’s grace.

As a result I grew somewhat hard-hearted when it came to living a faith-based life, even treating God the same as I would anyone who resisted my constant pleas for help and understanding as if they had fallen on deaf ears. I became indifferent and determined to become even more self-reliant than I had been as a child, seeking my own solutions to problems that arose and oftentimes ending up making a mess.

I don’t really think I came to understand what it meant to have faith until I was well into my forties and took up fishing as a hobby to spend quality time with my dad. Whether a novice like me, or an experienced and crafted sportsman like my father, a fisherman can cast the line, but he can only wait for the fish to bite. The prize of the catch will come in its own time, and no amount of planning, wishing – or even prayer for that matter – will hasten the end result. It’s only through the practice of patience can one hope to bridge the gap between the capricious fish and what you can only hope will eventually become a coveted feast celebrating the bounty of your catch. Strength in a time such as this waits quietly, hoping to seize that moment when your line suddenly loses its slack and you sense the tug-of-war has begun …… that ultimate struggle between the will to survive and the need to conquer. Weakness – on the other hand – grows impatient, and abandons the effort before the fish ever bites.

I learned during these long periods of waiting, that my time was best spent in quiet contemplation ….. not just about fishing, but about life in general and as a result my earthy father inadvertently taught me a great deal about understanding my spiritual father. I also determined it was no accident that Jesus chose so many fishermen to become his disciples, as he knew they already possessed the strength of character and wisdom to endure the trails that would eventually tax them all. In addition I came to understand it was never about not being worthy, as God loves us, His creations, perfectly. But rather just as a parent is often faced with the task of saying “no” to their children, because what they want is not in line with what they need, so too does our God in His ultimate wisdom have to make the same kinds of judgment calls on our behalf, because He knows what the future holds while we do not. And therein lies ‘faith’ ….. knowing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and that the future can be far brighter than you dare to dream.

So now I proceed with caution, but at the same time resolutely with whatever ambitions I have, believing that all things come together for the purpose of good. Almost every situation calls for consistency and patience, therefore learning to wait for something meaningful while simultaneously sustaining your belief in the process is a powerful force when it comes to achieving your goals. Developing inner strength allows you to be uncompromisingly honest with yourself about expectations while maintaining your present course. Perseverance combined with a positive attitude can diminish even the biggest obstacles. To rush anything as a means to try and force results only brings about provisional change that can just as easily be reversed. Conversely steadfast waiting while retaining your integrity has the power to lead to the kind of permanent results that will one day be well worth the wait. On this day set aside to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, why not spend a moment reflecting on how you can best resurrect your own faith in God’s plan, knowing patience is the basic fundamental key to understanding. Happy Easter …….