Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 13

In memory of Nelson Mandela ......

In my book "Going Through The Change" I tried to address all the facets of life and living in order that inevitable change might equate to a change for the better. In so doing, I sought out pertinent quotes to head each chapter, and as a result landed upon my favorite sentiment of all time. I used Mr. Mandela's words to head my chapter titled "Listening to your Inner Voice" and I would like to share them with you once again right here .....

according to Nelson Mandela,………

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

He was a great man, a true change-agent willing to place himself in harms way for the cause of a nation, and he did so with a brand of grace and integrity that can only be God-given. He understood the meaning of life and the intrinsic value to be gained in a life well-lived. He was brave beyond any measure considered normal in today's world, and he gave those who would try and emulate his courage permission to do the same.

As we search for ways and means to rid ourselves of negative influences in our daily lives, a good place to look for inspiration is the example of Nelson Mandela, who showed us that light always conquers darkness even against seemingly insurmountable odds. Subscribing to negativity as a manner in which to lead one's life as well as those who would follow you is a coward's way out, because it will always be found on the path of least resistance. True heroism comes from the kind of might used to draw upon knowledge and compassion as a peaceful means to settle disputes when drawing a sword or an acid tongue would have been far easier.

I believe we are all born with a perfected spiritual twin, and it is only through our hard work and commitment to excellence, we allow the Creator’s light to flow uninhibited from our perfect spiritual self into our physical being, thereby enabling us to become the vision He had for us from the beginning. No matter how much we may feel driven to succeed, the Creator’s dream is so much greater than any one of us can imagine. It is that unidentifiable force within propelling us forward, pushing us even harder when we feel we can’t possibly go on. It is what is best in us and what continues to sustain our contributions to life long after we are gone.

In essence, it’s really quite simple. Making good decisions and choosing the right path in life will continue to serve you in the best possible way, offering you the security you not only desire, but most assuredly deserve. Everyone on this earth, regardless of his or her station in life, possesses an inalienable right to feel safe and secure. However, security like love, respect and admiration is not something which can merely be had, but moreover must be earned through wisdom and hard work.

Space Planning ......

As an interior designer whose body of work was centered primarily in designing commercial spaces within the hospitality industry, space planning was always a large component of what I did for each project. It’s so much more than mere furniture placement in terms of whether an interior space was operationally sound, which meant it was not only aesthetically pleasing, but also functioned efficiently on a day-to-day basis. For instance, in a restaurant I had to make certain staff were not called upon to make too many steps from food prep to serving patrons. I also had to insure there was a logical traffic flow absent of bottlenecks and not conducive to any unwanted mishaps. My work required me to become something of a visionary, effectively placing myself in the space I was designing in order to work it from every conceivable angle, as well as develop my perception as a potential patron. Over the years I became extremely effective at folding these capabilities into my professional persona thereby insuring the end result always lined up with initial expectations.

In terms of design, it’s easy to see how developing these skills sets made me a better designer with regard to the projects I managed, but unfortunately they have not always translated well into my personal life. Take my current relationship for instance. In some respects, at least in terms of the heart, I do feel as if I occupy a special space within my partner's life, because when we communicate, he is extremely loving and affectionate in terms of expressing his deepest love and adoration. Ruminating on that fact just now fills my own heart to overflowing, and I sincerely hope by now he has no question as to the space he occupies in mine …. it is the chamber that has expanded to the point of breaking to make room for so much love that often times it hurts.

I have been touched by the space I occupy in his mind at times …. times when he pops onto my messenger screen and we end up chatting with one another for hours, only to feel like that same amount of time has flown by in a span of minutes, or even when I receive a late night text that allows me to know he's awake and thinking about me, sometimes yearning for me to be with him. These small time capsules are priceless to me, and I never ever take them for granted.

Whereas in the business world, I typically came to see men as more visionary, the best among them able to maintain their focus far above the tree line,while the women I worked alongside tended to be more results oriented, at least on an everyday basis. I suppose that’s also how I see our partnership .... while he has this grand vision of what we will one day become, my sight line is more focused on what I see and feel on any given day. This is why I could never be a Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, because to a large degree, I am stuck in the here and now. I wake up to a reality of mixed emotions each and every day …. One in which I feel gratitude that I have a family that loves me enough to take me in and assist me through what could otherwise be described as a difficult time, also gratitude that I still have both my parents and I’m able to care for them and show them how much I appreciate what they do for me, that my children and grandchildren are healthy and well, and mostly that I’ve reconnected with my one true love following a two-year sabbatical, but unfortunately there’s also the darker side ……. a fear-based reality that I have to fend off on a daily basis rooted in failed relationships of the past.

Within my personal life, I’m constantly organizing and reorganizing my space to either make room for something new, or purge something old. The process is fluid and ever changing, and sometimes the mishaps I successfully avoided within my business world occur with such frequency the bottlenecks manifests within my mind and I can’t think clearly …. or even worse, I can’t stop thinking at all, not even long enough to get a good night’s sleep.

I’ve come to believe the reason why men can afford to be the world’s greatest visionaries is due largely in part because they are successful at compartmentalizing, while women simply cannot afford that luxury. Our realities don’t allow us to do that…..whether it’s raising children, taking care of parents or trying to successfully juggle running a home while maintaining a career, our distractions are in our faces, refusing to be ‘set aside’ while we tend to what we perceive as more pressing.

So here I am again …… living in that small compartment you’ve given space to up on the top shelf of your closet, wondering and waiting when my time will come again when you take the box down from the shelf to open it up and examine what’s inside, and your focus shifts back from a demanding career path to me for some small moment of time. Who you are and how you are is what I find most intriguing, but with that said I must also come to terms with the fact it is not always easy for me, but then nothing worth having ever is.

On being American .....

Today was not a day conducive to inspiration. I woke to a mild, however damp and drizzly day with a heavy fog surrounding my home. This time of year that sort of thing is not unusual around here – particularly this close to the water – but typically the fog manages to lift sometime near mid-morning ….. but not today. As I interacted with people throughout my morning leaning into the afternoon, I could see their energy drain right before my eyes, and all I could think was this is ridiculous, weather shouldn’t be the determining factor when it comes to having a good day. Therefore, knowing I intended to come home and write, I pulled up my Facebook account to see what people were talking about, hoping I might find something there capable of igniting a spark.

Posted across my timeline were the usual family pictures, inspirational quotes and jokes which proved both funny and lacking, and then there was the predictable volley between Obama Care supporters and dissenters divided across party lines. I’ve made a recent promise to myself not to comment on political topics within the framework of a social network, but I must say I’m growing increasingly tired of the kind of bickering that would lead some to believe because you’re Democrat or even liberal-minded that you are somehow un-American when nothing could be further from the truth.

When it comes to politics I tend to hear a great deal about family values with one party in particular claiming they hold the keys which enable them to claim that particular right; however, America’s strength was born on the fact that early on we were the product of a melting pot, incumbent with a diversity of cultures almost from the beginning, and it is because of this cultural diversity that we have a broad mix of ethnicities and religious preferences. We as a nation are definitely not One Size Fits All, and once you factor in sexuality and sexual preferences the mix becomes even broader. Families are no longer typical. They come in all shapes and sizes, in a variety of colors, each with a dynamic of its own. So when one speaks of family, isn’t it fair to say we are all part of one big family whose individual components may differ in size, shape and quality, but whose sum is much greater than its parts? To more eloquently emphasize my point I like to barrow a quote from the late Christopher Reeve spoken at the 1996 Democratic National Convention, “I think it means that we’re all family. And we all have value.”

As a nation committed to equality, how can we continue to discriminate against those who are crippled – whether physically or financially – don’t we owe it to ourselves as a country united under one God to take care of all of its citizens? We serve no one by turning a blind eye to those in need, because in order to do so one must harden their heart and egocentrically focus solely upon their own needs being met while refusing to worry about the collective whole. If a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, then we stand to strengthen as a nation only when we provide basic human rights in the form of equal opportunities to all of our citizens and not just a select few, because they were the fortunate ones who secured a job that provides health care.

I for one support Obama Care, but not just because it stands to help me personally, but because it has the potential to lift our nation as a whole. If there are some parts that are broken, fix them because it’s important to all of us. As former president, Franklin D. Roosevelt once stated, “We cannot be a strong nation unless we are a healthy nation.” Consequently Americans who claim they adhere to strict family values must also learn to value those in need.

There …. I’ve done it. Every time I find a reason to drag out my soap box and climb on top, I find the inspiration I seemed to have been lacking.

In Search of Inspiration ......

Today, before I went outside to blow leaves off the porches, walkways and clean out the garage and storage room, I spent my typical Sunday morning watching my favorite program on CBS. They always do such interesting pieces, but one today was particularly gratifying. It was a profile on the former Baltimore Raven’s player, O.J. Brigance. Now there’s a man who gives honor and dignity to the name OJ. Following a successful football career where he played linebacker for the Miami Dolphins, St Louis Cardinals, New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens, where he was instrumental in the Raven’s win of Super Bowl XXXV, he was diagnosed with ALS, Lou Gehrig’s Disease, in 2007. No doubt his football career probably contributed to the fatal diagnosis.

It would be easy for someone so blessed with physical acuity and prowess to spiral into the depths of depression, feel sorry for himself and as such, become an embittered and miserable human being for the rest of his days, but this was not to be. Rather he took on this disease with the same skillful determination needed to become victorious one Sunday afternoon after another, defeating those who stood in the way of his success. However, short of a miracle, there can be no ultimate victory for O. J. Brigance in this case, as the disease is incurable and will one day take his life.

But now confined to a wheel chair and without the ability to speak, he still lives his life to the fullest, going into work as Director of Player Development for the Raven’s front office, where he counsels players on how to be great both on and off the field. In the absence of speech, he communicates via a computerized program that enables him to type with eye movement. Coach John Harbaugh claims he’s the heart of the team, and from today’s segment I have no doubt that is the truth, because as one player put it, “It makes you not want to make any excuses for anything that’s going on in your life.”

A few things that impressed me most was his inimitable smile, filled with such joy and a zest for living against all odds …. at onset, the diagnosis usually indicates a 3-5 year lifespan, but Brigance has now lived six. I also revered the devotion of his wife of twenty-three years, Chandra, who says “Look past the wheelchair. Look past the adversity. Look past all of that and pull out the positive.” While some might think it would be easier to walk away, she stays because there is no place she’d rather be, and I find that admirable. As for Brigance his message is simple, “I would like them to see a man making the most of a trying situation and still living life to the fullest.” It seems to me the most profound concepts are always the simplest.

As I struggle with a life that seems to be incumbent with day-to-day difficulties from caring for aging parents, to working outside the home as well as devoting about four hours a day to writing, to creatively trying to keep the love alive in a long-distance relationship, I realized watching this profile that I sometimes need to seek respite from from the stresses naturally found in living a life to seek inspiration from someone who’s met far greater difficulties than I and managed to succeed brilliantly. Although I pray daily, sometimes the messages found in scripture fail to offer me what I need in terms of practicality. Jesus was perfect, and I am not, therefore I sometimes need the kind of inspiration that comes from observing someone who has lived life as a mere mortal and then when confronted with the kind of difficulties that can only be described as unimaginable, have managed to apply realistic, useable techniques not necessarily found in the Bible, because these are tools I can actually use. Therefore, as I endlessly try to conquer the effects of negativity in my life, I will look for inspiration in the likes of people like O.J. Brigance who exhibit the Strength of a Champion ….. also the name of his biography – in his daily life.

Reflecting on This Past Thanksgiving .....

It’s the holidays …. time to set our sights for accomplishing so much with limited time and resources. It’s customary in this country to set the bar high, as we begin by preparing a bounty of food to set at our tables and then sit next to those we love and cherish in an effort to show appreciation for the many blessings we’ve harvested throughout our year. As I did that very thing this past Thursday, half exhausted from the work and worry of how do I fit it all in, while I am fortunate to be blessed beyond measure, I couldn’t help being reminded of the many who must struggle particularly hard on days when expectations are so high.

So immediately following our celebration, once I found my way back home, I cuddled up in the company of two of my grandchildren, Hunter and Isabella, while their mother braved the ranks of Black Friday shoppers in hopes of securing a few pre-selected items at unbelievable mark-downs, thereby giving her bragging rights for her efforts, as well as stretching her already stressed out budget. While twelve-year-old Hunter wanted to watch “Paranormal Activity” and his five-year-old sister “Spy Kids” I forced a compromise of an old holiday classic, which guaranteed the happy ending we all seem to seek in life. I suppose that’s why I’m addicted to the Hallmark Channel this time of year ….. I am guaranteed one happy ending after another, when someone – against all odds – conquers the seemingly insurmountable as a living testament to the season of miracles …. if it were only that easy.

Once I was able to get my charges under the spell of illuminated technology in the form of a flat screen television, I was able to reflect on the true meaning of the day …. I am thankful for my family and good health, for work and a place to call home. Though my life is stressful more often than not, I try to be mindful that life can change on a dime, and sometimes that change if for the better. I am thankful for a good heart and generosity of spirit and the compassion my parents instilled in me at a young age, and perhaps most of all I am thankful for the fact that even when times are difficult, with an abiding faith and the willingness to persevere, there is always hope for a better tomorrow.

I have spent a good deal of time and energy throughout my adult life beginning with my studies as a sophomore at TCU trying to discover the meaning of life. I have read much about faith and subscribe to beliefs found within Christianity – as I am a Christian – Hinduism, Buddhism, and even the ancient Kabbalah. At heart I am an incurable gnostic in search of what motivates each of us to seek higher meaning in life. I have read at least two dozen books by theologians with at least a hundred degrees of higher learning between them, and as if by magic, while still lying in bed this morning, reluctant to rise to the demands of the day, I had an epiphany while staring at a piece of art on my wall by California artist, Karen Bagnard. It is a stylized representation of the Sun, Moon and Stars each radiating bright warm light with a large red heart at the core, and as I stared into it I realized “love” is at the core of everything we hold dear. It is the common thread found within each faith, binding together humanity as an extended family of 7.127 billion people, and as long as so many of our family are suffering, can any of us claim to be truly happy and satisfied with life in its present form?

So during this holiday season I intend to step outside of my own needs and belief in the perfect holiday long enough to understand that life isn’t some media manufactured ideal for most of us, but rather it is incumbent with struggles each of us must endeavor to overcome on a daily basis, whether that be the loss of a loved one, the pain of separation created by things like war, or even financial responsibilities, health issues, inner demons that plague one’s thinking, pride and jealousy, or even the lack of confidence in one’s own abilities to overcome adversity. It is often said that God won’t put more on us than we can handle, but at times I know that’s a concept difficult to comprehend for many of us, including myself.

As we all come into this world more or less the same, naked and stripped of anything that would set us apart from another, so too we more or less leave it similarly as it’s true we take nothing with us when we go. Therefore the only thing that has the potential to set one apart from another is what he or she seeks to accomplish during their time here, and for me the only thing that matters is leaving this world a little kinder than how I found it by trying to remain positive, giving a helping hand even when it’s easier to look the other way, staying true to my convictions and praying for the consciousness of the entire world to be lifted a little each day, even if my only contribution happens to be stopping to push a couple of dollars down the slit in that shiny red bucket each time I pass, thereby reminding myself of those less fortunate, as well as the fact each small action has the power to illicit big results. Only by coming together in the spirit of love and thanksgiving can we guarantee the miraculous ….. that none of us will ever feel alone.

The New Normal .....

A couple of months ago, I was watching Andy Cohen on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live and Suzanne Sommers was a guest. I’ve loved her since the old Three’s Company days with John Ritter. I even bought a Thigh Master and sometimes wish I still had it to further strengthen those thigh muscles. Although I haven’t bought her books, I do think she’s onto something with her more holistic approach to life and aging, as there is always something to be said for going a natural route whenever possible as opposed to popping a pill for everything that ails you.

Aside from taking Advil for occasional pain relief …. whether that be for my back from all the heavy lifting or my head from occasionally imbibing a little too enthusiastically, the only medications I take on a daily basis are a low dose aspirin and an allergy tablet. I even quit taking hormones as soon as the hot flashes subsided. The only other pill I pop is a zanex to fly …. and that’s it.

Now I’m a firm believer in changing whatever makes you feel good about yourself. If you’re flat-chested and want boobs …. then go buy a pair. Also, I do think Botox and fillers – used in moderation – have a wonderful way of giving a face a more relaxed and fresher look ….. although it’s been about 15 months since I’ve had any. I also believe they’re doing wonderful things with laser resurfacing, which is great, because of its non-invasive qualities …. but these celebrities and their facelifts …. please back away from the scalpel.

Suzanne, who used to be so adorable, now literally sports an ear-to-ear smile. Barry Manilow looks as if he’s morphed into a turtle, and Kenny Rogers is unrecognizable as his former self. Priscilla Presley used to be one of the world’s most beautiful women, and now she just looks like a train wreck, and Meg Ryan, who for years was America’s sweetheart, looks like she’s puckered up to kiss a fish. Don’t even get me started on Joan Rivers ….. can we talk? Are we such an ageist society that going under the knife is preferable to suffering a few wrinkles? Whatever happened to aging gracefully and a surgeon’s responsibility to his patient? Have we learned nothing from the tragedy that was Michael Jackson? It would seem we traded in character for artificial beauty, as we are we in the process of creating a new race of anthropomorphic beings who ascribe to the nature of being human while looking like anything but?

Thank goodness there are good examples to follow …. I think Susan Sarandon is more beautiful now than ever, because her face reveals a certain wisdom from having been enlightened to what’s really important in life. It probably doesn’t hurt that she’s had a younger boyfriend for some time now and that Tim Robbins was considerably younger as well. For that matter look at Katie Couric … now engaged to a younger man, and then of course there’s Cher. At 67 she’s still an icon and as beautiful as ever. With the exception of Sonny, she’s always preferred younger men. Of course she’s had work done, but she did it right. Now there’s a book I’d buy. Hey, maybe I’m onto something of substantial value …. a younger man. Sign me up! I’m ready to enlist in the army of women who have found the real Fountain of Youth.

Honoring a Memory .....

A friend of mine had to put her grandmother in hospice a couple nights ago, and from what I gather, she's not doing well, which caused me to remember my own maternal grandmother. Thinking back to my childhood, although she was a simple lady, remembering her today she was one of the greatest ladies I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was born in 1908 and died of kidney disease when she was not quite 67 years old. When I was a child, being the youngest of three, I was left in her charge often while my parents socialized, and she always made those days into an adventure …. going for long walks in the countryside to collect wildflowers and interesting crystals (treasures that ended up on my window sill), baking lopsided cakes in her small kitchen, feeding the chickens and playing endless hours of card games.

Although I had no way of knowing at the time, physically she was not well and hadn’t been for some time. She maintained the brightest smile with ruby red lips and a wickedly wonderful sense-of-humor, and as I grew to young adulthood and became acutely aware of her condition, I never knew her to complain about anything. She knew each day was a gift and she reveled in celebrating them one at a time. We always pretended to share a special bond, because our birthdays were so close together. On days like today I still miss her a great deal, and not just because of our shared zodiac sign, but because I find so much in the news to be trying.

Back last summer, I re-enacted my Facebook account as a means of promoting my writing. I had deleted the account some time ago mainly because I thought it was silly and for me in particular a large waste of time. However, everything I was reading online in terms of self-marketing had FB at the top of the heap.

Until recently I hadn’t realized it had become this place for so many to express ‘extreme conservative political views’. Mind you many of these people and I grew up together, went to school side-by-side and socialized in the same circles. I knew their families, where they were from and how they were raised. I always felt fortunate to be surrounded by so many good people growing up …… but now, whether it’s extreme far right points-of-view on Obama, America or issues like racial equality or guns (a recent nemesis), the haters have come out of the woodwork to claim their platform. For the most part, I scan past and ignore, refusing to become part of the discussion, however this renewed love affair with building a personal arsenal is disturbing to say the least.

Back last summer in Arkansas a 3-yr-old boy lost his life when he picked up a loaded pistol his father had left on a nightstand, and it broke my heart. So much unnecessary grief made me think the real threat exists only within one’s mind.

I suppose this is why I have zero tolerance for organizations like Fox News …. and I use the term news loosely. Whether it’s Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly or even Rush Limbaugh’s syndicated talk show, the politics of hate and intolerance are not only alive and well, but festering in people's bellies and growing in popularity within today’s so-called acceptable society. Many of the gun comments today came from women …. bragging about toting with comments like “bring it on” and “I’ll send ‘em back to their maker.” As if the act of killing someone or stopping a beating heart would be so easy.

As a constitutional amendment, I support people’s Right to Bear Arms, but I’m not ready to go back to the days of Wyatt Earp when everyone had a pistol strapped to their hip and disputes were settled based upon who was the quicker draw, or for that matter public hangings. I thought the sacrifices so many individuals made during the twentieth century had at least raised our consciousness beyond all this.

At any rate, I was ready to delete my FB account once more ….. if this is the cost of self-promotion, it hardly seems worth the price. I’m just about ready to fall back into my comfortable anonymity once again, but in the end I decided against it feeling it was better to expand my awareness rather than hide my head in the sand hoping for situations to improve.

Sometimes I think there will be a pandemic or something equally catastrophic in nature, because the world needs something of biblical proportions to shake it to its core. Wow ….. so sorry to sound so negative, it’s just been a rough couple of days.

However, regardless of all that is wrong in life, there are some things that are undeniably right …. and I suppose it's up to each individual to decide exactly what that is.

My Love Affair with Rain .....

This morning I woke to an early autumn rain, freezing rain that is with a little sleet mixed in. It is beyond any doubt my favorite morning scenario. These are the moments I look forward to the most …. time out from the rest of the world when I can just be …. whether that leads to lazily whiling away countless minutes pondering the bigger questions in life before leaving my comfortable sateen catacomb or rising to confront the dictates of the day.

In terms of the zodiac, even though I am a sun sign (Leo the Lion) I have always had a long-standing love affair with rain. Something about it is so soothing and peaceful as the rhythmic sounds of thousands of drops impale themselves on the windows outside my room lulling me into a deep, restful sleep. Many years ago when I was first married to my children’s father, he used to leave me in the wee hours of the morning to go deer hunting every fall season. I was so young and scared; I had never been left alone that way before. I absolutely hated it, because whether he left at 3:00 or 5:00 a.m. I was wide awake from there on for however many nights he was gone, except for when it rained …. and then I could sleep.

I never told him, because I knew how much he, his brother and father looked forward to their annual pilgrimage to deer camp. They had spent weeks preparing the RV and training the dogs. So I didn’t want to come off as selfish and needy, but rather I just suffered in silence, waiting for it to be over.

An added bonus is when the sound of the rainfall is punctuated with the rumble of intermittent thunder …. then I have the makings for what can only be described as a spectacular evening where the heavens are speaking to me saying … you can rest now, I’m here, you are safe.

The Need to Share ....

Over the course of my career, I've had the good fortune to travel to some rather interesting places, and as exciting as all of that could be at times, there was always a little melancholy mixed with the excitement of experiencing someplace entirely new when traveling all by myself. Because whether I was in a celebratory mood for having given a well-received presentation, or perhaps from having landed a prestigious new client, or at having witnessed something astoundingly beautiful like the waves flowing into Dana Point in Southern Californi, where I also saw my first flounder caught, or just enjoying some quiet time over a good meal in a wonderful restaurant, those moments were meant to be shared but when I looked around there was nobody else there …. at least that I knew.

As the years continues to progress at an astoundingly fast rate of speed, it seems the days blend into weeks and weeks into months. There’s hardly time to wake up dreading the week ahead before you’re staring at the weekend and then yet another week. Getting lost in the shuffle of everyday living, one cannot help but suffer the predictable side effect of discontent when they wonder where all the time has gone. There’s a good reason why so many people experience a mid-life crisis during their forties …. with the sudden passage of time, they feel the need to recapture the exuberance of their youth when all things still seemed possible. This past summer as I witnessed the multitude of expensive Harleys blazing up and down Central Avenue one weekend, I was reminded of the abundance of having a second childhood. With some sense of accomplishment under your belt and children mostly grown (for those who had them) it’s finally time to blaze new trails in an effort to once again find yourself. But again, this only works well when you have someone to share it with ….

Now in my mid-fifties, I'm well aware you simply cannot have it all …. something you once considered important always suffers, whether that be having a home life, your relationship with your partner, children, time spent with family and friends or even the dreams you once held so dear. Therefore if you cannot have it all, then it’s best to choose what you want the most and then cultivate it into something extraordinary so that it’s capable of feeding your soul. Then when days turn into years, you can at least find contentment with most of the choices you made along the way.

As for me, I’m on auto-pilot now, but I know one way or another this will soon change, as change is the one and only guarantee life chooses to offer each and every one of us with any degree of certainty. Therefore, I am patiently waiting for my jumping off point …. when something serendipitous will occur telling me it’s time. Until then, I keep busy fanning the flames of "hope".

What It Means To Be A Southern Woman .....

It’s 3:58 am and I can’t sleep. Actually I slept well until about three, but then woke up and haven’t been able to go back to sleep.. If my meditation has taught me anything, it is that we are supposed to live in the moment …. let go of the past and don’t waste time worrying about a future that is yet unknown. All any of us have is the here and now …. and when I wake up somewhere in the middle of the night in need of consolation, there is no one here but me.

Therefore, in these moments if I am all I have, shouldn’t I just learn how to embrace that concept? I think about David OSelznick’s movie "Gone With The Wind". Growing up in the South, it is part of any young woman’s required curriculum, because amongst all the romance and splendor and southern charm and gentility, there is also the compelling need to reconquer and survive in spite of the hand you’ve been dealt.

I don’t think any self-respecting southerner would say today the war that abolished slavery wasn’t a necessary evil, but was it also necessary to eradicate grace as well? To burn it down, pillage and destroy all that was good and beautiful in order to prove a point? In the movie as is the case now, all the destruction managed to prove was our ability to overcome supersedes whatever bleak reality we may happen to find ourselves currently within.

My favorite scene within the movie isn’t a love scene, but rather the one that occurs just before intermission. Scarlett has returned to her beloved plantation to find it still standing, though not as the graceful mansion it once was. She is taking care of what’s left of her family and the workers who stayed on despite having been freed, as well as a string of drifters with not enough food to go around. Upon one evening when her harsh reality has become too great a burden to bear, she walks away from the house and all those who need her in order to go out into the field alone where she can give in to her fears as she collapses on the ground in a heap of tears.

Just when all seems lost, she spies a dirty little carrot growing in the garden that she tries to clean on her dress skirt and eat dirt and all …. when the realization hits her …. although this is the reality she’s been given, it’s not the one she’s willing to settle for. She rises to her feet, dusts herself off and with a fist to the air proclaims, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”

Thus she is down, but not out, because she then goes on to use her beauty, intelligence and abundance of charm to eventually become the wealthiest woman in Atlanta …. and that is what it means to be both Southern and a woman. Contrary to other popular stereotypes, it is not about being pampered and waited on hand and foot, or about being the Belle of the Ball, but rather being able to draw upon your inner strength and resolve to lift yourself up out of whatever circumstances you may happen to find yourself in to not only succeed, but to thrive in spite of all others.

This is the life I have led over and over again, and the good fight I continue to wage on my behalf. Though I've been down, I’m definitely never out, and just like Scarlett, I’ll use whatever means it takes to overcome …. not just for myself, but for all those I love and treasure most. Once I have overcome all that I must, I will never go hungry again ….