Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 2
July 31, 2014
#Change Washington #Change Our Nation
Despite the fact that the newest Gallup poll released this past June 16 reports congressional approval rating at an all-time low of 16% while residing at the threshold of midterm elections, House congressional Republicans lead by Speaker John Boehner feel they enjoy enough job security to file a lawsuit against our president, whose current approval rating is substantially higher than theirs at 41% to date. It’s hard not to write a decidedly partisan opinion on this when out of the 230 Republican members of congress, only five voted against – they were GOP members Paul Broun of Maryland, Scott Garrett of New Jersey, Thomas Massie of Kentucky, Steve Stockman of Texas and Walter Jones of North Carolina – not a single Democrat voted in favor of the resolution.
With Congress poised to take the entire month of August off for holiday, Democrats lined up on their side of the chamber and one after another requested GOP leaders allow votes on measures designed to raise minimum wage, extend jobless benefits and ensure pay equity, but the Republican leadership exhibited signs of tunnel vision as evidenced by the fact their focus remained steadfast and immovable on the lawsuit, versus other pending legislation. Many in and around government speculate that this is just the first step in a GOP effort designed to eventually impeach President Obama, despite the fact that 57% of Americans polled oppose the lawsuit, and that number jumps as high as two-thirds when asked if he should be impeached.
Just this past week Sarah Palin wrote an Op-Ed piece for Breitbart siting the fact that one out of three Americans favor impeachment; however, did Ms. Palin bother to ask the other two out of three who opposed such an extreme measure what they thought? I think not. She goes on to state, “Without borders, there is no nation.” But does Sarah Palin suggest our borders have somehow been moved or changed? Illegal immigration – with respect to the border we share with Mexico – is a complex issue that has gone on for decades now and simply cannot be fixed overnight. This is nothing new, but attempt to effectively address illegal immigration have to begin somewhere.
somewhere.
What is new are the sudden influx minor children seeking asylum once they cross those same borders. I for one applaud our President’s efforts to show compassion to those who are simply seeking a better life. After all, isn’t that what we all want for of our children? I suggest Ms. Palin is just trying to remain relevant by picking one of the many hot button, controversial issues out of the Tea Party’s current bag of tricks intended to incite a riot and then use it to try and remain relevant in terms of the national scene, but I’m afraid she lost her relevance in a failed bid for the White House, trumped by her subsequent resignation as Alaska’s governor.
I can’t help but think these last ditch efforts to sway public opinion on the advent of midterm elections is going to be a colossal failure. People in general – regardless of political persuasion – are tired of a political machine that is so dysfunctional, it appears to be irrevocably broken. Those of us who still bother to vote elect our leaders to govern and not make excuses for their inability to get something done.
Politicians who manage to win their bid all the way to the hallowed halls of national government enjoy privileges and benefits most Americans cannot even fathom. For instance their current salary is a staggering $ 174,000 (Speaker Boehner’s pay rate is $223,500) but that’s just the tip of the iceberg …. under the Civil Service Retirement System they are entitled to a lifetime pension – even if they only serve one term – free healthcare, an annual allowance intended to defray costs of performing their congressional duties, and many retain their private sources of income while still serving, but perhaps the reason why all of them eventually leave office as millionaires is that although they are privy to extensive inside information, they are not bound by the same SEC regulations as the rest of the country. Therefore they can buy and sell stocks based upon inside knowledge and not be held accountable. Is it any wonder why they spend so much money to secure a spot in such a coveted position? Even a junior congressman or woman doesn’t take too long discovering the address of his or her new office is located somewhere on Easy Street.
But while the SEC doesn’t hold these officials accountable, we the American voting public still can. I’m not here to extol the virtues of one party over another. I’ve said it many times …. I believe strongly in a two-party system, and when you consider the growing number of registered Independents, we are fast becoming a three-party system, but what I am absolutely fed up with is a system that fails to work. Those of us who continue to hold down jobs – even at a high level – are expected to perform or risk losing our position to another. I don’t think our congressional leaders should be any different. With so much privilege already at their disposal, why should we citizens continue to turn a blind eye to their continued refusal to reach across aisles in order to foster the kind of change in this country that would prove meaningful to the numbers of Americans who braved long lines and changing voter regulations to give them their vote?
This November a number of those congressional seats will be up for grabs. I suggest rather than cast your vote for an incumbent just because of name recognition – or even party affiliation – that you take a look at their record measured against the promises her or she made during the last election, as well as what they propose to do going forward, and then compare that to their opponent’s proposed measures and then vote for the person who you honestly feel will strive to serve your interests instead of his or her own.
If you are not satisfied with the state of our union, then perhaps it’s time to change the current leadership, and I don’t mean starting with the President. That election won’t happen for two more years. I must ask at this point, “Can you really be comfortable just bidding your time until then?” If not then give these midterms the same degree of attention you would in choosing a president, and remember if you change Washington, you can change the nation.
With Congress poised to take the entire month of August off for holiday, Democrats lined up on their side of the chamber and one after another requested GOP leaders allow votes on measures designed to raise minimum wage, extend jobless benefits and ensure pay equity, but the Republican leadership exhibited signs of tunnel vision as evidenced by the fact their focus remained steadfast and immovable on the lawsuit, versus other pending legislation. Many in and around government speculate that this is just the first step in a GOP effort designed to eventually impeach President Obama, despite the fact that 57% of Americans polled oppose the lawsuit, and that number jumps as high as two-thirds when asked if he should be impeached.
Just this past week Sarah Palin wrote an Op-Ed piece for Breitbart siting the fact that one out of three Americans favor impeachment; however, did Ms. Palin bother to ask the other two out of three who opposed such an extreme measure what they thought? I think not. She goes on to state, “Without borders, there is no nation.” But does Sarah Palin suggest our borders have somehow been moved or changed? Illegal immigration – with respect to the border we share with Mexico – is a complex issue that has gone on for decades now and simply cannot be fixed overnight. This is nothing new, but attempt to effectively address illegal immigration have to begin somewhere.
somewhere.
What is new are the sudden influx minor children seeking asylum once they cross those same borders. I for one applaud our President’s efforts to show compassion to those who are simply seeking a better life. After all, isn’t that what we all want for of our children? I suggest Ms. Palin is just trying to remain relevant by picking one of the many hot button, controversial issues out of the Tea Party’s current bag of tricks intended to incite a riot and then use it to try and remain relevant in terms of the national scene, but I’m afraid she lost her relevance in a failed bid for the White House, trumped by her subsequent resignation as Alaska’s governor.
I can’t help but think these last ditch efforts to sway public opinion on the advent of midterm elections is going to be a colossal failure. People in general – regardless of political persuasion – are tired of a political machine that is so dysfunctional, it appears to be irrevocably broken. Those of us who still bother to vote elect our leaders to govern and not make excuses for their inability to get something done.
Politicians who manage to win their bid all the way to the hallowed halls of national government enjoy privileges and benefits most Americans cannot even fathom. For instance their current salary is a staggering $ 174,000 (Speaker Boehner’s pay rate is $223,500) but that’s just the tip of the iceberg …. under the Civil Service Retirement System they are entitled to a lifetime pension – even if they only serve one term – free healthcare, an annual allowance intended to defray costs of performing their congressional duties, and many retain their private sources of income while still serving, but perhaps the reason why all of them eventually leave office as millionaires is that although they are privy to extensive inside information, they are not bound by the same SEC regulations as the rest of the country. Therefore they can buy and sell stocks based upon inside knowledge and not be held accountable. Is it any wonder why they spend so much money to secure a spot in such a coveted position? Even a junior congressman or woman doesn’t take too long discovering the address of his or her new office is located somewhere on Easy Street.
But while the SEC doesn’t hold these officials accountable, we the American voting public still can. I’m not here to extol the virtues of one party over another. I’ve said it many times …. I believe strongly in a two-party system, and when you consider the growing number of registered Independents, we are fast becoming a three-party system, but what I am absolutely fed up with is a system that fails to work. Those of us who continue to hold down jobs – even at a high level – are expected to perform or risk losing our position to another. I don’t think our congressional leaders should be any different. With so much privilege already at their disposal, why should we citizens continue to turn a blind eye to their continued refusal to reach across aisles in order to foster the kind of change in this country that would prove meaningful to the numbers of Americans who braved long lines and changing voter regulations to give them their vote?
This November a number of those congressional seats will be up for grabs. I suggest rather than cast your vote for an incumbent just because of name recognition – or even party affiliation – that you take a look at their record measured against the promises her or she made during the last election, as well as what they propose to do going forward, and then compare that to their opponent’s proposed measures and then vote for the person who you honestly feel will strive to serve your interests instead of his or her own.
If you are not satisfied with the state of our union, then perhaps it’s time to change the current leadership, and I don’t mean starting with the President. That election won’t happen for two more years. I must ask at this point, “Can you really be comfortable just bidding your time until then?” If not then give these midterms the same degree of attention you would in choosing a president, and remember if you change Washington, you can change the nation.
July 29, 2014
Taking Co-Dependency Out of Relationships ....
Thinking back, I can’t possibly count the number of times I’ve been called upon to console a friend in need who somehow felt wronged by the man in her life. He had somehow failed to meet all her emotional needs, and the more insistent she became, the more he withdrew. Then the more he pulled away, the more she demanded they have the talk until he eventually abandoned the relationship altogether, leaving her at a complete loss as to what exactly had gone wrong. Sound familiar?
Through my ongoing research on how men and women differ, I’ve found it always goes back wiring. Had I know just how important the electrical impulses leading to our brain that dictate how we behave in any given situation, I’d have become an electrician …. or at least a psychologist. Although I’ve said it any number of times before in any number of ways, it does bear repeating …. women are emotionally driven creatures who interact with the world as a whole according to how it makes them feel. Thus we buy a certain dress over another, because it makes us feel pretty, or we wear ridiculously high heels at times, because they make us feel tall, and we even choose the men in our lives – not because of where he lives or what he drives or even how much money he has in the bank (at least most of us) – because they make us feel more special than anyone else ever has. Consequently, we actually spend hours wiling away the time dreaming about ways to show him how much we care.
However, problems begin to ensue once a woman goes way out of her way to please a man by doing his laundry, picking up his dry cleaning or cooking that surprise dinner and then is met with little or no reciprocity, much less validation for her efforts. When this happens, the first thing a woman does is begin to sense something is wrong. Wishing to be proactive, she then sets about a course designed to make him open up – and when he doesn’t – she automatically assumes he has no feelings at all, but the truth is men do have feelings just like women. They’re just not as adept at processing them as their fairer counterparts, and they lack that all important emotional support system most women begin to develop early on in their relationships with friends and family. Thus when a guy starts to feel threatened by an uncomfortable emotional situation, he naturally retreats to more familiar territory found in work, sports or just hanging out with friends, because these activities make sense to him and are far less complicated. Other men don’t challenge them to get in touch with what’s bothering them, thereby making their company far less taxing and oftentimes preferable to women.
Same as women, society has come to expect a lot from men …. only differently. For the most part we still expect them to be the primary breadwinners, to be strong and supportive whenever we women fall apart, and seemingly invincible in the face of adversity. We want them to keep us safe from harm and insure our future as we age, all while not collapsing under the pressures put upon them on any given day. Then we women attempt to emasculate them by asking them to bare their souls by revealing their innermost vulnerabilities. It’s no wonder we often send them running off in the opposite direction, sometimes into the arms of another less complicated woman who refuses to place such demands upon their interactions. By no means am I justifying cheating. It’s an act of betrayal that can’t help but leave the other partner completely devastated, but when a man leaves you – before you place all the blame squarely on his shoulders – I’m suggesting it might be more beneficial in terms of your future to examine how you might have contributed to the demise of your relationship.
Listen …. getting a man to open up to you is not a bad thing. Women just have to learn to do so in a non-confrontational manner, enabling him to feel as safe within the confines of the relationship as we do. Once a woman starts relying upon a man to meet all of her emotional needs she’s effectively swapped her independence – that very characteristic that drew him to her in the first place – to build an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship based on fear, frustration and uncertainty, which eventually leads to failure. No relationship is capable of sustaining all of anyone’s needs – emotional or otherwise. A healthy relationship is about growth, and once you stop growing the only thing left is to wither and die.
Therefore, rather than approach a man as if he’s done something wrong or out of the ordinary, why not initiate a conversation wherein you state certain observations coupled with a suggestion as to how they might be effectively addressed …. i.e. I notice you’ve been a little distant lately, perhaps you’re working too hard. Wouldn’t it be nice to schedule a weekend getaway sometime soon?
I learned long ago in business never to state a problem unless you’re prepared with a possible solution. In this manner, one goes from being a perpetual complainer to a valued problem-solver.
Also, putting a positive spin on things is far more likely to open up channels of communication versus causing him to shut down, thus making it far easier to share whatever happens to be on his mind. Nobody likes to feel unappreciated or taken for granted, and in this regard men are no different. Therefore, it’s advisable to try never to forget to acknowledge any and all efforts to spend time with you, especially once he finally begins to feel comfortable enough to share. Providing him with an emotional safety net can’t help but foster the kind of closeness you both crave and one day will come to rely upon as you consider it your greatest asset.
Through my ongoing research on how men and women differ, I’ve found it always goes back wiring. Had I know just how important the electrical impulses leading to our brain that dictate how we behave in any given situation, I’d have become an electrician …. or at least a psychologist. Although I’ve said it any number of times before in any number of ways, it does bear repeating …. women are emotionally driven creatures who interact with the world as a whole according to how it makes them feel. Thus we buy a certain dress over another, because it makes us feel pretty, or we wear ridiculously high heels at times, because they make us feel tall, and we even choose the men in our lives – not because of where he lives or what he drives or even how much money he has in the bank (at least most of us) – because they make us feel more special than anyone else ever has. Consequently, we actually spend hours wiling away the time dreaming about ways to show him how much we care.
However, problems begin to ensue once a woman goes way out of her way to please a man by doing his laundry, picking up his dry cleaning or cooking that surprise dinner and then is met with little or no reciprocity, much less validation for her efforts. When this happens, the first thing a woman does is begin to sense something is wrong. Wishing to be proactive, she then sets about a course designed to make him open up – and when he doesn’t – she automatically assumes he has no feelings at all, but the truth is men do have feelings just like women. They’re just not as adept at processing them as their fairer counterparts, and they lack that all important emotional support system most women begin to develop early on in their relationships with friends and family. Thus when a guy starts to feel threatened by an uncomfortable emotional situation, he naturally retreats to more familiar territory found in work, sports or just hanging out with friends, because these activities make sense to him and are far less complicated. Other men don’t challenge them to get in touch with what’s bothering them, thereby making their company far less taxing and oftentimes preferable to women.
Same as women, society has come to expect a lot from men …. only differently. For the most part we still expect them to be the primary breadwinners, to be strong and supportive whenever we women fall apart, and seemingly invincible in the face of adversity. We want them to keep us safe from harm and insure our future as we age, all while not collapsing under the pressures put upon them on any given day. Then we women attempt to emasculate them by asking them to bare their souls by revealing their innermost vulnerabilities. It’s no wonder we often send them running off in the opposite direction, sometimes into the arms of another less complicated woman who refuses to place such demands upon their interactions. By no means am I justifying cheating. It’s an act of betrayal that can’t help but leave the other partner completely devastated, but when a man leaves you – before you place all the blame squarely on his shoulders – I’m suggesting it might be more beneficial in terms of your future to examine how you might have contributed to the demise of your relationship.
Listen …. getting a man to open up to you is not a bad thing. Women just have to learn to do so in a non-confrontational manner, enabling him to feel as safe within the confines of the relationship as we do. Once a woman starts relying upon a man to meet all of her emotional needs she’s effectively swapped her independence – that very characteristic that drew him to her in the first place – to build an unhealthy, co-dependent relationship based on fear, frustration and uncertainty, which eventually leads to failure. No relationship is capable of sustaining all of anyone’s needs – emotional or otherwise. A healthy relationship is about growth, and once you stop growing the only thing left is to wither and die.
Therefore, rather than approach a man as if he’s done something wrong or out of the ordinary, why not initiate a conversation wherein you state certain observations coupled with a suggestion as to how they might be effectively addressed …. i.e. I notice you’ve been a little distant lately, perhaps you’re working too hard. Wouldn’t it be nice to schedule a weekend getaway sometime soon?
I learned long ago in business never to state a problem unless you’re prepared with a possible solution. In this manner, one goes from being a perpetual complainer to a valued problem-solver.
Also, putting a positive spin on things is far more likely to open up channels of communication versus causing him to shut down, thus making it far easier to share whatever happens to be on his mind. Nobody likes to feel unappreciated or taken for granted, and in this regard men are no different. Therefore, it’s advisable to try never to forget to acknowledge any and all efforts to spend time with you, especially once he finally begins to feel comfortable enough to share. Providing him with an emotional safety net can’t help but foster the kind of closeness you both crave and one day will come to rely upon as you consider it your greatest asset.
July 28, 2014
Just Don't Call Me A Cougar ....
As I watch the dog days of summer seamlessly pass by, I can’t help being reminded I have an upcoming birthday. Now that I’ve passed fifty, it seems they come around at an all too alarming rate these days …. at least much faster than they used to when I looked forward to those same milestones everyone can’t wait to hit, like turning sixteen and getting your driver’s license, at eighteen I was considered an adult – at least by legal standards – and at twenty-one I could finally walk into any bar or club and order myself a drink. It didn’t matter that I got carded well into my thirties. At least in terms of aging, I had finally earned the right to get drunk and act like a fool just like the rest of the discerning adult population, so celebrate I did.
It wasn’t too many years after that I began dreading the day I was born. During my twenty-ninth year, I was so traumatized by the fact I was turning thirty, I scarcely enjoyed a single day. It was as if the Grimm Reaper were poised outside my door patiently waiting for August 12 to roll around so that he could steal my youth and take it with him to the grave. I must have been pretty miserable to my co-workers, because they treated me to a surprise male stripper and then proceeded to hoot and holler while his hips gyrated inches from my face …. I was mortified. The entire ordeal left me feeling nauseous and weak, and ready to crawl underneath the nearest rock and die, but I survived another decade to see forty.
However, by the time I made it to forty I was a decade older and ten years wiser, therefore I’d concocted a plan to beat back the by now predictable birthday blues. Five girlfriends and I rented a luxurious cabin up in the Ozarks at Big Cedar Lodge, and if you haven’t been there it should be added to your list of places to see. Nestled along Table Rock Lake and owned by Bass Pro Shop, no expense or detail was spared when it came to creating an authentic hunting lodge on grounds that boast a ghostly legend. We played on the lake, made our own sangria and sat on our deck laughing and talking for hours at a time. We had massages and facials and lay out by the pool during the day and at night we sang out loud and acted perfectly obnoxious at the Buzzard Bar. I even won a $20 bet from a gentleman who hailed from Chicago when he swore he could guess my age within 5 years, and I replied, “Not by looking at my ass!” I’d had a few shots of tequila by then, but he guessed 34 and I threw down my driver’s license, scooped up his twenty and then threw it in the musician’s tip jar before reveling over my latest victory.
Another ten years pass by and then along came fifty. All my previous best laid plans had given way to the nervous realization that time was passing by way too quickly. I literally stared at myself in the mirror asking out loud, “How did I get this old?” I didn’t look much different than I had at forty, and perhaps in some ways I even looked better, because I’d finally begun taking better care of myself post divorce. Also – almost to the day – AARP started sending me membership cards extolling all the benefits awaiting me as soon as I tendered my $12. I threw them away …. one after another, as I refused to be labeled a senior, and then I picked up one of the complimentary issues of their magazine that arrived in my mailbox one day despite the fact that I hadn’t requested it. I found it was packed full of wonderful articles and really good information about how to put the golden back in your golden years, and suddenly my attitude on aging began to change.
Over six years have passed since that time, and I can honestly say I am more at ease with myself than I have ever been. My children are raised and living independently, I am more confident about how I look and feel, I take really good care of myself and I’ve learned how to value what’s most important in my life, but last of all I truly don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I have gained a healthy appreciation for the world as a whole and society in general, and I have a greater perspective about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Moreover, I’ve come to the conclusion that right now is a wonderful time to be my age.
People are not only living longer, they are remaining more and more vital while pursuing new interests well into their eighties and beyond. They are literally jumping out of airplanes, training for marathons and starting whole new career paths. Some are even going back to school to earn that long coveted diploma and managing to teach their younger contemporaries a thing or two in the process. With exercise, improved nutrition and advances in modern medicine, it’s often hard to tell a person’s true age anymore, and if you feel a little depressed about those crow’s feet or love handles that refuse to go away, there’s safe and somewhat affordable procedures available to safely banish those regrets.
I remember when I was growing up fifty-something seemed so old, but as I look around me whether it’s at celebrities or my own close knit group of friends, I think we all look amazing. But most of all I have found love …. mainly because I know how to love without all the games, power struggles and drama that seem to plague most of my earlier relationships. And beyond the mere act of loving someone, I know what other qualities are needed to sustain a couple long after that first wave of breathlessness subsides …. like honesty, loyalty and fidelity coupled with the kind of meaningful communication designed to strengthen and deepen a shared bond over time, and most of all I know how to draw water from the well of my creativity to make certain life never quite becomes boring and predictable.
A funny thing happened to me once I passed fifty. Suddenly younger men started finding me attractive. I attribute that primarily to a new level of confidence that I failed to possess in my younger years. I spent far too much time worried about whether or not people liked me and what they had or hadn’t said about me somewhere along the way. I know now there’s no way I can please everybody, and that’s okay as long as I please those I treasure most. Just don’t call me a cougar, because that label would be inappropriate. Just because the love of my life happens to be younger doesn’t mean I stalked him the way a cougar stalks its hapless prey, and I never have. He chose me, and he is so impressive in his demeanor that I pale a little bit in comparison, but again that’s okay, because we are happy and that’s all that matters.
It wasn’t too many years after that I began dreading the day I was born. During my twenty-ninth year, I was so traumatized by the fact I was turning thirty, I scarcely enjoyed a single day. It was as if the Grimm Reaper were poised outside my door patiently waiting for August 12 to roll around so that he could steal my youth and take it with him to the grave. I must have been pretty miserable to my co-workers, because they treated me to a surprise male stripper and then proceeded to hoot and holler while his hips gyrated inches from my face …. I was mortified. The entire ordeal left me feeling nauseous and weak, and ready to crawl underneath the nearest rock and die, but I survived another decade to see forty.
However, by the time I made it to forty I was a decade older and ten years wiser, therefore I’d concocted a plan to beat back the by now predictable birthday blues. Five girlfriends and I rented a luxurious cabin up in the Ozarks at Big Cedar Lodge, and if you haven’t been there it should be added to your list of places to see. Nestled along Table Rock Lake and owned by Bass Pro Shop, no expense or detail was spared when it came to creating an authentic hunting lodge on grounds that boast a ghostly legend. We played on the lake, made our own sangria and sat on our deck laughing and talking for hours at a time. We had massages and facials and lay out by the pool during the day and at night we sang out loud and acted perfectly obnoxious at the Buzzard Bar. I even won a $20 bet from a gentleman who hailed from Chicago when he swore he could guess my age within 5 years, and I replied, “Not by looking at my ass!” I’d had a few shots of tequila by then, but he guessed 34 and I threw down my driver’s license, scooped up his twenty and then threw it in the musician’s tip jar before reveling over my latest victory.
Another ten years pass by and then along came fifty. All my previous best laid plans had given way to the nervous realization that time was passing by way too quickly. I literally stared at myself in the mirror asking out loud, “How did I get this old?” I didn’t look much different than I had at forty, and perhaps in some ways I even looked better, because I’d finally begun taking better care of myself post divorce. Also – almost to the day – AARP started sending me membership cards extolling all the benefits awaiting me as soon as I tendered my $12. I threw them away …. one after another, as I refused to be labeled a senior, and then I picked up one of the complimentary issues of their magazine that arrived in my mailbox one day despite the fact that I hadn’t requested it. I found it was packed full of wonderful articles and really good information about how to put the golden back in your golden years, and suddenly my attitude on aging began to change.
Over six years have passed since that time, and I can honestly say I am more at ease with myself than I have ever been. My children are raised and living independently, I am more confident about how I look and feel, I take really good care of myself and I’ve learned how to value what’s most important in my life, but last of all I truly don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. I have gained a healthy appreciation for the world as a whole and society in general, and I have a greater perspective about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. Moreover, I’ve come to the conclusion that right now is a wonderful time to be my age.
People are not only living longer, they are remaining more and more vital while pursuing new interests well into their eighties and beyond. They are literally jumping out of airplanes, training for marathons and starting whole new career paths. Some are even going back to school to earn that long coveted diploma and managing to teach their younger contemporaries a thing or two in the process. With exercise, improved nutrition and advances in modern medicine, it’s often hard to tell a person’s true age anymore, and if you feel a little depressed about those crow’s feet or love handles that refuse to go away, there’s safe and somewhat affordable procedures available to safely banish those regrets.
I remember when I was growing up fifty-something seemed so old, but as I look around me whether it’s at celebrities or my own close knit group of friends, I think we all look amazing. But most of all I have found love …. mainly because I know how to love without all the games, power struggles and drama that seem to plague most of my earlier relationships. And beyond the mere act of loving someone, I know what other qualities are needed to sustain a couple long after that first wave of breathlessness subsides …. like honesty, loyalty and fidelity coupled with the kind of meaningful communication designed to strengthen and deepen a shared bond over time, and most of all I know how to draw water from the well of my creativity to make certain life never quite becomes boring and predictable.
A funny thing happened to me once I passed fifty. Suddenly younger men started finding me attractive. I attribute that primarily to a new level of confidence that I failed to possess in my younger years. I spent far too much time worried about whether or not people liked me and what they had or hadn’t said about me somewhere along the way. I know now there’s no way I can please everybody, and that’s okay as long as I please those I treasure most. Just don’t call me a cougar, because that label would be inappropriate. Just because the love of my life happens to be younger doesn’t mean I stalked him the way a cougar stalks its hapless prey, and I never have. He chose me, and he is so impressive in his demeanor that I pale a little bit in comparison, but again that’s okay, because we are happy and that’s all that matters.
July 27, 2014
The Necessity of Hope versus Wishing Upon a Star
From the time I was a very little girl, I’d often look off into the twilight in search of that one sparkling gem capable of granting all my wishes. I’m sure at that time my requests were those that filled typical childhood flights of fancy from a new pony to those more nefarious yearnings that I’d been born an only child whenever my older brother and sister treated me as if I were a bothersome pest they were forced to endure on a daily basis. I suppose I’d been socialized early on due to that iconic ballad originally sung by Jiminy Cricket to Pinocchio dating back to 1940 and intended to inspire hope that dreams do really come true, and for decades now the legacy that has become Walt Disney has indeed made many childhood dreams and wishes come true.
But what happens once you cross over into adulthood? To simply dream hardly seems adequate in terms of making something happen. We all have dreams of winning the lottery or of having Mr. Right suddenly walk through our door, but at least with regard to the lotto, you have to buy a ticket, which requires sustainable action and follow through coupled with the hope that something big always remains possible as long as you’re willing to throw your hat into the ring.
To me hope is far more advantageous than simply wanting something just enough that you’re willing to throw caution to the wind hoping that something good will come back to you in time. Hope is something worth nurturing, planning for and then protecting those plans until you see your dreams come to fruition, and statistics continue to prove those of us who remain hopeful tend to spend their time more productively while encouraging others to do the same. Thus it appears hope is contagious in a manner destined to improve our overall sense of well-being as we journey toward the achievement of critical goals.
However, sustaining hope can sometimes be a challenge. Because it is action-oriented, it naturally requires a certain amount of energy, and even the best among us are often challenged to the point they are physically exhausted, if not completely burned out from the monotony of their day-to-day. When this happens, a sabbatical of sorts is in order. Sometimes that takes the form of a mental health day devoted to recharging your batteries, but oftentimes it requires a complete break with reality in the form of a holiday of some sort, a getaway designed to remove you from your current pressures so that you may gain a healthier perspective as to why it is you do all that you do.
Moreover, just like desirable eating habits, regular exercise and getting the proper amount of sleep pay off in the form of a strong healthy body, so too do things like restricting negativity and surrounding yourself with positive and inspiring people pay off in the form of enabling you to sustain hope in your own life. This is why I often decide to take regular breaks from reading Facebook and Twitter threads. Unfortunately what began as a social network intended to help people stay connected, has turned into a platform many – certainly not all – use to post mean-spirited, often vitriolic political rhetoric aimed at soliciting support for agendas that can only be labeled counterproductive in terms of moving our nation in the direction of progress, while some others use it as a means to air dirty laundry about injustices wrought against them in the distant past, a past which might better have served them if it had been buried along with their deceased so that they couldn’t carry that same pain moving forward.
When I see something of this nature, I try to keep moving, but sometimes the lunacy of its content is so blatantly ridiculous that I feel the need to respond. But even then I’m disappointed in myself for having been ‘sucked into’ the kind of worm hole that serves no useful purpose. However, I am encouraged by the fact that I believe negativity is on the downside. More and more people are starting to believe that life is hard enough without constantly feeling the need to bring someone down. Personally I still like to subscribe to the lesson my mother taught me and one I passed down to my own children, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” Those are words to live by.
No one whose suffered despair wants to stay there long …. it can literally zap you of your will to survive as if it’s successfully drained the life force right out of you. Misery is a state of darkness where confusion and frustration reign supreme, while on the other hand the state of hopefulness is the greater than the sum of its parts …. being full of hope. Its experience is unmistakable in that you are filled with an incredible lightness of being as evidenced by your willingness to go the extra mile in most everything you do. It is a condition whose trademarks bear clarity of vision and the will to carry out your dreams in an edge of your seat fashion. It is that manic state through which flashes of brilliance often interpret themselves into creative expression and the kind of mother of invention that changes how we live our everyday lives.
To live without hope is to live without the basic necessities needed to thrive in this life. Figuratively, it can be just as important as food, water and the air we breathe. Therefore, if you’ve somehow lost your ability to feel hopeful about your place as it relates to the big picture, then my best advice is to surround yourself with positive people. The most hopeful people in your life can teach you how to feel confident about your prospects once again. Follow their lead and they will teach you one of life’s most valuable lessons …. how to hope again.
But what happens once you cross over into adulthood? To simply dream hardly seems adequate in terms of making something happen. We all have dreams of winning the lottery or of having Mr. Right suddenly walk through our door, but at least with regard to the lotto, you have to buy a ticket, which requires sustainable action and follow through coupled with the hope that something big always remains possible as long as you’re willing to throw your hat into the ring.
To me hope is far more advantageous than simply wanting something just enough that you’re willing to throw caution to the wind hoping that something good will come back to you in time. Hope is something worth nurturing, planning for and then protecting those plans until you see your dreams come to fruition, and statistics continue to prove those of us who remain hopeful tend to spend their time more productively while encouraging others to do the same. Thus it appears hope is contagious in a manner destined to improve our overall sense of well-being as we journey toward the achievement of critical goals.
However, sustaining hope can sometimes be a challenge. Because it is action-oriented, it naturally requires a certain amount of energy, and even the best among us are often challenged to the point they are physically exhausted, if not completely burned out from the monotony of their day-to-day. When this happens, a sabbatical of sorts is in order. Sometimes that takes the form of a mental health day devoted to recharging your batteries, but oftentimes it requires a complete break with reality in the form of a holiday of some sort, a getaway designed to remove you from your current pressures so that you may gain a healthier perspective as to why it is you do all that you do.
Moreover, just like desirable eating habits, regular exercise and getting the proper amount of sleep pay off in the form of a strong healthy body, so too do things like restricting negativity and surrounding yourself with positive and inspiring people pay off in the form of enabling you to sustain hope in your own life. This is why I often decide to take regular breaks from reading Facebook and Twitter threads. Unfortunately what began as a social network intended to help people stay connected, has turned into a platform many – certainly not all – use to post mean-spirited, often vitriolic political rhetoric aimed at soliciting support for agendas that can only be labeled counterproductive in terms of moving our nation in the direction of progress, while some others use it as a means to air dirty laundry about injustices wrought against them in the distant past, a past which might better have served them if it had been buried along with their deceased so that they couldn’t carry that same pain moving forward.
When I see something of this nature, I try to keep moving, but sometimes the lunacy of its content is so blatantly ridiculous that I feel the need to respond. But even then I’m disappointed in myself for having been ‘sucked into’ the kind of worm hole that serves no useful purpose. However, I am encouraged by the fact that I believe negativity is on the downside. More and more people are starting to believe that life is hard enough without constantly feeling the need to bring someone down. Personally I still like to subscribe to the lesson my mother taught me and one I passed down to my own children, “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” Those are words to live by.
No one whose suffered despair wants to stay there long …. it can literally zap you of your will to survive as if it’s successfully drained the life force right out of you. Misery is a state of darkness where confusion and frustration reign supreme, while on the other hand the state of hopefulness is the greater than the sum of its parts …. being full of hope. Its experience is unmistakable in that you are filled with an incredible lightness of being as evidenced by your willingness to go the extra mile in most everything you do. It is a condition whose trademarks bear clarity of vision and the will to carry out your dreams in an edge of your seat fashion. It is that manic state through which flashes of brilliance often interpret themselves into creative expression and the kind of mother of invention that changes how we live our everyday lives.
To live without hope is to live without the basic necessities needed to thrive in this life. Figuratively, it can be just as important as food, water and the air we breathe. Therefore, if you’ve somehow lost your ability to feel hopeful about your place as it relates to the big picture, then my best advice is to surround yourself with positive people. The most hopeful people in your life can teach you how to feel confident about your prospects once again. Follow their lead and they will teach you one of life’s most valuable lessons …. how to hope again.
July 26, 2014
Finding Your Way Out of the Labyrinth .... A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste
The mind is a terrible thing to waste …. at some point we’ve all heard it, because it was an iconic slogan created by the advertising agency Young and Rubicam dating back more than four decades to when I was a child. Originally meant to promote the United Negro College Fund scholarship for black students, it certainly made an impression on me, as I have given that phrase a great deal of thought over the years while I endeavored to understand the workings of – not only my own mind – but more importantly the total concept of the mind in terms of how it relates to our collective human consciousness.
If we were to dissect any human brain, judging solely from outward appearances, one healthy brain probably wouldn’t differ than much from another, but when we consider the brain from a much broader perspective, going beyond its mere physiology to take into accounting how one chooses to develop his or her mind, then it is as unique and individual as our fingerprints. From a debating position, I’ve often stated categorically, “Perception is 100% reality,” which broken down roughly translates to whatever I perceive to be true is at least true to me. Therefore one must ask, “How is it that a brain that hardly distinguishes itself as inimitable becomes capable of forming subjective feelings as expressed in Thomas Nagel’s terminologies …. to experience the color red, breathlessness, nostalgia or pain?
I believe the answer is to be found in ‘consciousness’ which differentiates one mind from another through the often mysterious, subjective, first-person world as it seems to each of us the individual. The hallmark of the human mind is to use the brain to a greater or lesser extent throughout the course of any given day to interpret the world as it unfolds around us. Thus if we first view the mind and then to a greater extent consciousness, each as distinct components rooted in the physical brain, it may be possible to gain greater insight toward reaching that oftentimes most elusive of all goals …. human happiness.
But how do we tap into this potential when it resides at such a great depth buried deep within the recesses of our own minds that it almost feels impossible to reach? Well there may be any number of ways from controlled lab experiments to simply communing with nature, independent of the technology we’ve all become so accustomed to, but in practical terms I like to do so by walking the labyrinth. Labyrinths are an archetype with which we can have a direct experience through simply walking it with the understanding that it serves as a metaphor for life’s great journey, a sacred place, capable of taking us outside of our ego to that which resides within.
According to Wikipedia, the unicursal labyrinth was first inlayed into the pavement of the Cathedral of Notre Dame de Chartres found not far outside of Paris in 1200 CE, where the Ars Liberales curriculum formalized dialectic inquiry – a type of qualitative research method wherein various ideas and perspectives are tested – technologies of the imagination, and recursive spiritual development. The medieval designers intended that users experience the characteristic sense of integrated consciousness and heightened imaginative function through imagery that symbolized order versus confusion with the embedded capacity to activate the incubation of individual and collective imagination capable of bringing about shifts in perception, thus restoring personal equilibrium and greater perspective through having accessed tacit knowledge and inner wisdom.
Although its inception is medieval, I find labyrinths to be the ultimate combination of science and artistry as it relates to ‘wholeness’ by combining the imagery of the circle and spiral into meandering, but purposeful paths. With perfect symmetry, they are considered to be a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Consequently they have long been used exclusively as meditation and prayer tools.
Not to be confused with a maze – which is more of a puzzle – with twists, turns and blind alleys that require left-brain logical, sequential and analytical thinking to solve, the labyrinth has only one unicursal path whose only way in is also the same way out. Its circuitous pathways direct you to the center and back out again where within you are called upon to exercise intuition, creativity and imagery stemming from your right brain activity. It is more passive, and unlike a maze which requires active decision-making to navigate its corridors, the only choice with a labyrinth is whether or not to enter at all, or rather whether or not you choose to walk the path toward spiritual enlightenment.
Spiritual enlightenment can be a scary thing …. it calls upon one to be disposed toward changing him or herself through a willingness to alter their views about the world and society as a whole. Therefore, it is no longer possible to judge another for having mad bad choices which may or may not have led to unfortunate circumstances, no more than it is appropriate to judge someone for choosing to live a lifestyle that differs from your own. You must be willing to choose kindness first while finding the ability to step out of your own ‘comfort zone’ from time-to-time in order to address the needs of others. It doesn’t mean you have to sell off all your worldly possessions and join a commune somewhere, but it does mean you need to gain a healthier perspective about what it means to have nice things while comprehending they are not the things that define you or make you into a better person. Just as our laws are intended to make us ‘equal under the law’ collectively, we are challenged to grasp the even greater concept that we are all ‘equal under God’s law’ as well, thus we must continue to constantly strive to find ways – both big and small – to reach out to one another as a means to preserve and protect the world that is ours. Once you do so, you’ll discover the mind that might have been wasted pursuing more trivial pursuits was not your own.
I’ve included a link for labyrinth locations …. Happy walking!
http://labyrinthlocator.com/
If we were to dissect any human brain, judging solely from outward appearances, one healthy brain probably wouldn’t differ than much from another, but when we consider the brain from a much broader perspective, going beyond its mere physiology to take into accounting how one chooses to develop his or her mind, then it is as unique and individual as our fingerprints. From a debating position, I’ve often stated categorically, “Perception is 100% reality,” which broken down roughly translates to whatever I perceive to be true is at least true to me. Therefore one must ask, “How is it that a brain that hardly distinguishes itself as inimitable becomes capable of forming subjective feelings as expressed in Thomas Nagel’s terminologies …. to experience the color red, breathlessness, nostalgia or pain?
I believe the answer is to be found in ‘consciousness’ which differentiates one mind from another through the often mysterious, subjective, first-person world as it seems to each of us the individual. The hallmark of the human mind is to use the brain to a greater or lesser extent throughout the course of any given day to interpret the world as it unfolds around us. Thus if we first view the mind and then to a greater extent consciousness, each as distinct components rooted in the physical brain, it may be possible to gain greater insight toward reaching that oftentimes most elusive of all goals …. human happiness.
But how do we tap into this potential when it resides at such a great depth buried deep within the recesses of our own minds that it almost feels impossible to reach? Well there may be any number of ways from controlled lab experiments to simply communing with nature, independent of the technology we’ve all become so accustomed to, but in practical terms I like to do so by walking the labyrinth. Labyrinths are an archetype with which we can have a direct experience through simply walking it with the understanding that it serves as a metaphor for life’s great journey, a sacred place, capable of taking us outside of our ego to that which resides within.
According to Wikipedia, the unicursal labyrinth was first inlayed into the pavement of the Cathedral of Notre Dame de Chartres found not far outside of Paris in 1200 CE, where the Ars Liberales curriculum formalized dialectic inquiry – a type of qualitative research method wherein various ideas and perspectives are tested – technologies of the imagination, and recursive spiritual development. The medieval designers intended that users experience the characteristic sense of integrated consciousness and heightened imaginative function through imagery that symbolized order versus confusion with the embedded capacity to activate the incubation of individual and collective imagination capable of bringing about shifts in perception, thus restoring personal equilibrium and greater perspective through having accessed tacit knowledge and inner wisdom.
Although its inception is medieval, I find labyrinths to be the ultimate combination of science and artistry as it relates to ‘wholeness’ by combining the imagery of the circle and spiral into meandering, but purposeful paths. With perfect symmetry, they are considered to be a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Consequently they have long been used exclusively as meditation and prayer tools.
Not to be confused with a maze – which is more of a puzzle – with twists, turns and blind alleys that require left-brain logical, sequential and analytical thinking to solve, the labyrinth has only one unicursal path whose only way in is also the same way out. Its circuitous pathways direct you to the center and back out again where within you are called upon to exercise intuition, creativity and imagery stemming from your right brain activity. It is more passive, and unlike a maze which requires active decision-making to navigate its corridors, the only choice with a labyrinth is whether or not to enter at all, or rather whether or not you choose to walk the path toward spiritual enlightenment.
Spiritual enlightenment can be a scary thing …. it calls upon one to be disposed toward changing him or herself through a willingness to alter their views about the world and society as a whole. Therefore, it is no longer possible to judge another for having mad bad choices which may or may not have led to unfortunate circumstances, no more than it is appropriate to judge someone for choosing to live a lifestyle that differs from your own. You must be willing to choose kindness first while finding the ability to step out of your own ‘comfort zone’ from time-to-time in order to address the needs of others. It doesn’t mean you have to sell off all your worldly possessions and join a commune somewhere, but it does mean you need to gain a healthier perspective about what it means to have nice things while comprehending they are not the things that define you or make you into a better person. Just as our laws are intended to make us ‘equal under the law’ collectively, we are challenged to grasp the even greater concept that we are all ‘equal under God’s law’ as well, thus we must continue to constantly strive to find ways – both big and small – to reach out to one another as a means to preserve and protect the world that is ours. Once you do so, you’ll discover the mind that might have been wasted pursuing more trivial pursuits was not your own.
I’ve included a link for labyrinth locations …. Happy walking!
http://labyrinthlocator.com/
July 22, 2014
Seeing Rainbows Where Others Only See Rain ....
First a moment of gratitude ….
Of late I have received a number of comments regarding my various posts, and each time I find I am almost moved to tears. When someone such as me who is still struggling to find her niche in life so that I might leave my indelible mark, oftentimes it can feel as if the battle is bigger than the soldier, but your words of encouragement serve to add fuel to my fire, thereby propelling me forward. Whatever small gift I have given you please know you have given me so much more in return. Therefore, it is with simple gratitude I’d like to offer my heartfelt “thanks”.
Seeing Rainbows ….
I speak a lot about the need to pursue dreams as well as the need to define goals and ambitions for yourself even in the face of those who oppose you due to their lack of understanding. However, this is where it gets a little tricky, even for a typically driven personality such as mine.
A dream can be like an embryo …. hardly visible to the naked eye, it lacks form and function, as well as the definition that will one day come to define it, but that doesn’t mean it fails to possess a life of its own as it struggles to grow and take shape until it can exist independently of its host. Until that time however, it is fully dependent upon you to care for it and nurture it on a daily basis in order that it might continue to thrive.
Once you do give birth to your idea, effectively putting it out there for the entire world to see and judge for themselves, it is nothing short of a scary prospect as your vulnerabilities are at once exposed, thereby placing you in a weakened position while you wait for a nod of approval …. something, anything that will signal you’re on the right track. If it fails to come immediately, you hopelessly begin to question yourself and your ambitions to the point you start to believe it would be easier just to give it all up …. but don’t.
Here’s where I like to figuratively press the pause button instead. For me that usually takes the form of backing away from my laptop and other handheld devices in order to give my mind and body some much-needed R&R. Most of the time there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you or your dreams …. they just haven’t had ample time to develop and mature to the point your talents are easily recognizable to others. Speaking only for myself, sometimes they just need a little renovation.
To explain, I’ve known since I was very young that I wanted to become a writer. Same as those with a God-given voice feel they must sing, I had a voice inside me begging to get out, at least in the form of articulation as opposed to some other form of artistic expression. In the beginning, I made my own assumption that my talent must take the form of a novelist so during my mid-thirties – despite having schooled in design and economics – I began the painstaking process of writing a book. I developed a storyline with characters to support it and began spinning my yarn as if creating a unique tapestry the world had never seen before then.
In a manner of speaking, the journey became a form of self-discovery in terms of my own belief systems and how I might explain them to others. I adored how the creative process equated to my having my own minion, and how I was suddenly the Master of my own Domain. I was able to control every single aspect of the world I slipped into whenever I sat down to write. However, I hated endless editing, which led to a bounty of re-writes and always ending up feeling as if it wasn’t good enough. But what I hated even more was all the efforts at shameless self-promotion. I’d have just as soon put it out there and have someone else worry about the numbers.
So once again I hit the pause button by asking myself, “What’s wrong with this picture?” I was writing, which was something I’d always wanted to do, but I had limited myself due to my own preconceived notions about what it meant to become a writer. Thinking it through, I decided I was far better equipped to deal with my craft like a continuing episode with no real beginning, middle or end. This way I could get my voice out there in a neat, tidy package that I could start, finish and publish online within the course of an afternoon. Of course this went on to spawn other ideas as my thoughts have developed a sort of sophistication in terms of my efforts to help the world at large live happier, gentler lives through creating ‘balance’ within and then passing that message on to others.
Thus continuing along this thread, I’d like to personally extend an invitation for you to view my project - but·ter·fly ef·fect – currently featured on the crowd-funding site, kickstarter.com.
Following is that link ....
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/...
In conclusion, I suppose the moral of this story is simple …. don’t allow someone else’s inability to see your vision affect your quest for self-actualization. I am a firm believer that by exercising the creative ability required to change ourselves, we have the power to create the kind of archetypal change capable of improving our planet within the process, this being a direct result of our own individual development. All we need do is choose a morally responsible form of creative expression and then give that gift to posterity.
Of late I have received a number of comments regarding my various posts, and each time I find I am almost moved to tears. When someone such as me who is still struggling to find her niche in life so that I might leave my indelible mark, oftentimes it can feel as if the battle is bigger than the soldier, but your words of encouragement serve to add fuel to my fire, thereby propelling me forward. Whatever small gift I have given you please know you have given me so much more in return. Therefore, it is with simple gratitude I’d like to offer my heartfelt “thanks”.
Seeing Rainbows ….
I speak a lot about the need to pursue dreams as well as the need to define goals and ambitions for yourself even in the face of those who oppose you due to their lack of understanding. However, this is where it gets a little tricky, even for a typically driven personality such as mine.
A dream can be like an embryo …. hardly visible to the naked eye, it lacks form and function, as well as the definition that will one day come to define it, but that doesn’t mean it fails to possess a life of its own as it struggles to grow and take shape until it can exist independently of its host. Until that time however, it is fully dependent upon you to care for it and nurture it on a daily basis in order that it might continue to thrive.
Once you do give birth to your idea, effectively putting it out there for the entire world to see and judge for themselves, it is nothing short of a scary prospect as your vulnerabilities are at once exposed, thereby placing you in a weakened position while you wait for a nod of approval …. something, anything that will signal you’re on the right track. If it fails to come immediately, you hopelessly begin to question yourself and your ambitions to the point you start to believe it would be easier just to give it all up …. but don’t.
Here’s where I like to figuratively press the pause button instead. For me that usually takes the form of backing away from my laptop and other handheld devices in order to give my mind and body some much-needed R&R. Most of the time there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you or your dreams …. they just haven’t had ample time to develop and mature to the point your talents are easily recognizable to others. Speaking only for myself, sometimes they just need a little renovation.
To explain, I’ve known since I was very young that I wanted to become a writer. Same as those with a God-given voice feel they must sing, I had a voice inside me begging to get out, at least in the form of articulation as opposed to some other form of artistic expression. In the beginning, I made my own assumption that my talent must take the form of a novelist so during my mid-thirties – despite having schooled in design and economics – I began the painstaking process of writing a book. I developed a storyline with characters to support it and began spinning my yarn as if creating a unique tapestry the world had never seen before then.
In a manner of speaking, the journey became a form of self-discovery in terms of my own belief systems and how I might explain them to others. I adored how the creative process equated to my having my own minion, and how I was suddenly the Master of my own Domain. I was able to control every single aspect of the world I slipped into whenever I sat down to write. However, I hated endless editing, which led to a bounty of re-writes and always ending up feeling as if it wasn’t good enough. But what I hated even more was all the efforts at shameless self-promotion. I’d have just as soon put it out there and have someone else worry about the numbers.
So once again I hit the pause button by asking myself, “What’s wrong with this picture?” I was writing, which was something I’d always wanted to do, but I had limited myself due to my own preconceived notions about what it meant to become a writer. Thinking it through, I decided I was far better equipped to deal with my craft like a continuing episode with no real beginning, middle or end. This way I could get my voice out there in a neat, tidy package that I could start, finish and publish online within the course of an afternoon. Of course this went on to spawn other ideas as my thoughts have developed a sort of sophistication in terms of my efforts to help the world at large live happier, gentler lives through creating ‘balance’ within and then passing that message on to others.
Thus continuing along this thread, I’d like to personally extend an invitation for you to view my project - but·ter·fly ef·fect – currently featured on the crowd-funding site, kickstarter.com.
Following is that link ....
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/...
In conclusion, I suppose the moral of this story is simple …. don’t allow someone else’s inability to see your vision affect your quest for self-actualization. I am a firm believer that by exercising the creative ability required to change ourselves, we have the power to create the kind of archetypal change capable of improving our planet within the process, this being a direct result of our own individual development. All we need do is choose a morally responsible form of creative expression and then give that gift to posterity.
July 21, 2014
Quality of Life vs. Life Support ....
Usually people don’t start thinking about ‘quality of life’ until they are either faced with their own mortality or are dealing with a treasured loved one in the final critical stages of life. Sitting in a doctor’s office being forced to confront the grim details of just how bad a life can actually get before succumbing to the inevitable, most of us consider it a no-brainer when it comes to the question of artificially extending one’s life beyond its viability. Illness, old age or even a catastrophic accident has decided to intervene to the point a difficult decision must be made in order to preserve the integrity of the life that once was. The same way a small rock or pebble has the power to cause a ripple effect within an entire pool of water, so too does sudden and often unanticipated circumstances have the power to affect our day-to-day necessitating a decision as to whether or not heroic measures shall be exercised to sustain a life. Thus a finite determination is made based upon the level of quality a person is able to enjoy should life continue as is.
But what about those of us for whom old age is still something in the distance and health is not an issue? Why is it we tend to only consider ‘quality of life’ when we know we’re reaching the end of it?
Eternity is something we strive for in the afterlife, and although most of us don’t like to think of our impending demise, death is something that will eventually visit itself upon each of us one day …. whether or not we feel prepared. So wouldn’t it stand to reason, the quality of the life we live on an ongoing basis is something we should address as quickly as possible? Despite appearances, I’m not speaking to the salvation of your soul. What you believe and how you choose to worship – or not – is a private matter and a conversation for someone other than myself, but I am concerned about how each of us approaches happiness, because that has a direct effect on how we treat others.
In terms of the big picture, I believe most of us already know what he or she wants most out of life …. to be released from the bonds of a bad marriage, to taste victory in the boardroom, to see our children grow into adulthood, to be freed from the bondage of debt, or perhaps to find happiness with the love of our life. Whatever that ‘something’ is you happen to be peering off at in the distance, you must at least pause long enough to ask yourself, “Are you currently sacrificing ‘quality’ by delaying your own ultimate pursuit of happiness?” More often than not, we get so caught up in the day-to-day business of living rather than take the necessary time out to ponder the burning question, “Is this life I’m currently living making me happy? Or am I living the life others have already chosen for me?”
No one should needlessly take on the role of ‘sacrificial lamb’ unless it is of their own choosing. I am all for considering the needs of the collective whole versus that of the individual, but I have often found in my own life that I’m the gerbil running as fast as I can on that spinning wheel doing all the things necessary to make everyone else’s life run smoothly while forfeiting my own desires in the process. As a consummate ‘people pleaser’ it is my nature to want to nurture and care for others – particularly those within my inner circle – and though they don’t really mean to take so much from me at times, as long as I look and act okay, they have no reason to suspect I’m not. Therefore, it is up to me to assume the burden of saying when enough is enough.
It’s been my experience when I’m too busy tending to the demands and needs of others while neglecting those of my own that I am almost unwittingly subscribing to some form of ‘life support’ as a means to sustain my own life during the interim until I can make the time and energy necessary to address my own requirements. As such, crutches can come in many forms, and over the years I’ve enlisted a few regulars, such as working so many hours that by the time I had free time I was too exhausted to think much about whether or not I was content within my own existence. Other behaviors long since long since relegated to history were periods of excessive alcohol consumption, socializing and shopping, and some of what I’ve learned is there’s not enough whiskey in Texas to repair a broken heart, hanging in clubs every night of the week doesn’t keep you from feeling lonely and a closet full of expensive clothes with tags still attached doesn’t make you a better person. Ultimately it’s always better to face your fears and embrace all the rooted emotions – particularly the uncomfortable ones – because this is what will ultimately set you free so that you can pursue happiness without the visible means of support you temporarily used to get yourself by on the way to recovery.
I’ve always admired selfless, even heroic behavior in those who place themselves at risk to save others, but if we look over the course of history the most notable martyrs were hung, beheaded or burned at the stake. If you’re not willing to enlist for the same kind of self-sacrifice, I suggest you focus on the obstacle still standing in the way on your own road to happiness before you regretfully find yourself at the end of that same road with very little left in the way of choice.
Life is a gift, therefore each and every moment is precious and not meant to be squandered, and happiness is the gift we give to ourselves. Oftentimes the road ahead is both long and narrow and filled with blind curves, but refusal to strike out on that journey in pursuit of your own fulfillment can only lead to regret. Therefore, why not give yourself the same opportunity to find the brand of contentment you’ve already given to so many others along the way knowing that should you get lost in the process, you may end up finding something much greater …. your own self-satisfaction.
But what about those of us for whom old age is still something in the distance and health is not an issue? Why is it we tend to only consider ‘quality of life’ when we know we’re reaching the end of it?
Eternity is something we strive for in the afterlife, and although most of us don’t like to think of our impending demise, death is something that will eventually visit itself upon each of us one day …. whether or not we feel prepared. So wouldn’t it stand to reason, the quality of the life we live on an ongoing basis is something we should address as quickly as possible? Despite appearances, I’m not speaking to the salvation of your soul. What you believe and how you choose to worship – or not – is a private matter and a conversation for someone other than myself, but I am concerned about how each of us approaches happiness, because that has a direct effect on how we treat others.
In terms of the big picture, I believe most of us already know what he or she wants most out of life …. to be released from the bonds of a bad marriage, to taste victory in the boardroom, to see our children grow into adulthood, to be freed from the bondage of debt, or perhaps to find happiness with the love of our life. Whatever that ‘something’ is you happen to be peering off at in the distance, you must at least pause long enough to ask yourself, “Are you currently sacrificing ‘quality’ by delaying your own ultimate pursuit of happiness?” More often than not, we get so caught up in the day-to-day business of living rather than take the necessary time out to ponder the burning question, “Is this life I’m currently living making me happy? Or am I living the life others have already chosen for me?”
No one should needlessly take on the role of ‘sacrificial lamb’ unless it is of their own choosing. I am all for considering the needs of the collective whole versus that of the individual, but I have often found in my own life that I’m the gerbil running as fast as I can on that spinning wheel doing all the things necessary to make everyone else’s life run smoothly while forfeiting my own desires in the process. As a consummate ‘people pleaser’ it is my nature to want to nurture and care for others – particularly those within my inner circle – and though they don’t really mean to take so much from me at times, as long as I look and act okay, they have no reason to suspect I’m not. Therefore, it is up to me to assume the burden of saying when enough is enough.
It’s been my experience when I’m too busy tending to the demands and needs of others while neglecting those of my own that I am almost unwittingly subscribing to some form of ‘life support’ as a means to sustain my own life during the interim until I can make the time and energy necessary to address my own requirements. As such, crutches can come in many forms, and over the years I’ve enlisted a few regulars, such as working so many hours that by the time I had free time I was too exhausted to think much about whether or not I was content within my own existence. Other behaviors long since long since relegated to history were periods of excessive alcohol consumption, socializing and shopping, and some of what I’ve learned is there’s not enough whiskey in Texas to repair a broken heart, hanging in clubs every night of the week doesn’t keep you from feeling lonely and a closet full of expensive clothes with tags still attached doesn’t make you a better person. Ultimately it’s always better to face your fears and embrace all the rooted emotions – particularly the uncomfortable ones – because this is what will ultimately set you free so that you can pursue happiness without the visible means of support you temporarily used to get yourself by on the way to recovery.
I’ve always admired selfless, even heroic behavior in those who place themselves at risk to save others, but if we look over the course of history the most notable martyrs were hung, beheaded or burned at the stake. If you’re not willing to enlist for the same kind of self-sacrifice, I suggest you focus on the obstacle still standing in the way on your own road to happiness before you regretfully find yourself at the end of that same road with very little left in the way of choice.
Life is a gift, therefore each and every moment is precious and not meant to be squandered, and happiness is the gift we give to ourselves. Oftentimes the road ahead is both long and narrow and filled with blind curves, but refusal to strike out on that journey in pursuit of your own fulfillment can only lead to regret. Therefore, why not give yourself the same opportunity to find the brand of contentment you’ve already given to so many others along the way knowing that should you get lost in the process, you may end up finding something much greater …. your own self-satisfaction.
July 20, 2014
I Like To Move It, Move It .... Discovering What Motivates You
Everybody’s heard it …. that catchy little tune you can’t seem to get out of your head from the Dreamworks film titled MADAGASCAR. If you pay attention, the cute sexy lyrics are something of a tribute to how women as a whole look and move and the somewhat predictable effect it has on a man. It seeks not to trivialize or diminish a woman’s power, but rather to help women everywhere come to the grips with the fact they are wonderfully empowered individuals who have the unique capability to ‘move’ men in ways they may not have even considered.
As I consider myself to be something of a woman’s woman, I find our gender infinitely inspiring, because unlike our male counterparts, we are capable of conquering new frontiers both great and small inside and outside of the home and often at the same time. We have the exclusive ability to bring forth new life and then help sustain that same life from the moment of birth throughout adulthood. In addition, many of us work outside the home while still running households, organizing social functions and holidays, and work at maintaining our bodies as well as our close friendships, all while serving as the central nervous system for our families, and most of the time still manage to place the love in our lives – or at least the pursuit of it – at the forefront of our minds. While men ‘typically’ see themselves as the brains of any operation, women continue to occupy the heart, and it’s there one must go to discover the meaning of life.
I gather that’s why I remain so pre-disposed toward helping other women discover their best self, because I truly feel it is us who hold the keys to helping the world at large find its way back to re-discovering what is most important …. and it isn’t conquering the next horizon, but rather building strong, healthy relationships with one another. It’s only in doing so that we stand to bring any real ‘balance’ to our daily lives – and in so doing – discover that balance is the only means to having it all.
Just like we have two opposite poles with one to the North and the other to the South with an equator diving the hemispheres to keep our world spinning on its axis, we need the contributions of both men and women to bring everything into balance and help make this planet flourish and thrive. I think that’s why so many of us singles continue – despite sometimes insurmountable odds – to strive to look for our other half …. because without it, we can’t help but feel something’s a ‘little off’. I’m a firm believer that the world would be a much happier place it no one was forced to walk through it alone.
If this is true, then it at least stands to reason that if ‘most’ men are motivated by women then it’s our gender who are called to the critical task of discovering what motivates us. Call it naivety on my part, but I refuse to give up on the belief that ‘all things are possible’. However, the first step in realizing your true potential must come from having defined your goals in the beginning. Simply stated, “If you never set a goal, then you’re guaranteed not to reach it.”
Using myself as an example, when I first decided to write “Going Through The Change” I had finally come to terms with the fact that with age certain changes were becoming inevitable. So I decided I could at least create the opportunity to change for the better, but I knew the only effective way I could approach this was by channeling my expertise as a project manager to formulate a cohesive plan of action by making a list of all the areas I wished to address from spirituality, to work, home, relationships and sexuality, all the way up to philanthropy and volunteerism. And at this point I can honestly say in so many ways I feel as if I’m embarking upon the best phase of my life with so many potential prospects for a bright future.
But I am only one person, and although I’m a firm believer in the capability of small actions bringing about big results, think how much greater that impact might be if more people chose to get involved. Everybody is passionate about something …. changing the world for the better isn’t something that should be reserved exclusively for those who have achieved celebrity status. You just need to focus on something that inspires you to move it, move it! And on those days when frustrations and setbacks threaten to overwhelm, I’ve provided the necessary link to help you get up on your feet and move …. I can guarantee it will at least make you feel good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecSCa...
As I consider myself to be something of a woman’s woman, I find our gender infinitely inspiring, because unlike our male counterparts, we are capable of conquering new frontiers both great and small inside and outside of the home and often at the same time. We have the exclusive ability to bring forth new life and then help sustain that same life from the moment of birth throughout adulthood. In addition, many of us work outside the home while still running households, organizing social functions and holidays, and work at maintaining our bodies as well as our close friendships, all while serving as the central nervous system for our families, and most of the time still manage to place the love in our lives – or at least the pursuit of it – at the forefront of our minds. While men ‘typically’ see themselves as the brains of any operation, women continue to occupy the heart, and it’s there one must go to discover the meaning of life.
I gather that’s why I remain so pre-disposed toward helping other women discover their best self, because I truly feel it is us who hold the keys to helping the world at large find its way back to re-discovering what is most important …. and it isn’t conquering the next horizon, but rather building strong, healthy relationships with one another. It’s only in doing so that we stand to bring any real ‘balance’ to our daily lives – and in so doing – discover that balance is the only means to having it all.
Just like we have two opposite poles with one to the North and the other to the South with an equator diving the hemispheres to keep our world spinning on its axis, we need the contributions of both men and women to bring everything into balance and help make this planet flourish and thrive. I think that’s why so many of us singles continue – despite sometimes insurmountable odds – to strive to look for our other half …. because without it, we can’t help but feel something’s a ‘little off’. I’m a firm believer that the world would be a much happier place it no one was forced to walk through it alone.
If this is true, then it at least stands to reason that if ‘most’ men are motivated by women then it’s our gender who are called to the critical task of discovering what motivates us. Call it naivety on my part, but I refuse to give up on the belief that ‘all things are possible’. However, the first step in realizing your true potential must come from having defined your goals in the beginning. Simply stated, “If you never set a goal, then you’re guaranteed not to reach it.”
Using myself as an example, when I first decided to write “Going Through The Change” I had finally come to terms with the fact that with age certain changes were becoming inevitable. So I decided I could at least create the opportunity to change for the better, but I knew the only effective way I could approach this was by channeling my expertise as a project manager to formulate a cohesive plan of action by making a list of all the areas I wished to address from spirituality, to work, home, relationships and sexuality, all the way up to philanthropy and volunteerism. And at this point I can honestly say in so many ways I feel as if I’m embarking upon the best phase of my life with so many potential prospects for a bright future.
But I am only one person, and although I’m a firm believer in the capability of small actions bringing about big results, think how much greater that impact might be if more people chose to get involved. Everybody is passionate about something …. changing the world for the better isn’t something that should be reserved exclusively for those who have achieved celebrity status. You just need to focus on something that inspires you to move it, move it! And on those days when frustrations and setbacks threaten to overwhelm, I’ve provided the necessary link to help you get up on your feet and move …. I can guarantee it will at least make you feel good.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecSCa...
July 17, 2014
Karma Clean-up .... Letting Go of Unnecessary Baggage ....
As defined Karma – in both Hinduism and Buddhism – is the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences ….
And according to the Urban Dictionary …. The basic nature of God’s Justice: GALATIANS 6:7-9 (KJV): Be not deceived; God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man sows, the he will also reap.
Whether or not you subscribe to the kind of wisdom sought in Eastern cultures – which dates back 4000 years – or you advocate the more familiar Judeo-Christian beliefs like those found in ancient Kabbalah’s Zohar – which like Hinduism dates back 4000 years – or are a participant in one of the many Christian sects from Catholicism to Protestantism, it would at least seem karma matters.
More often than not, life seems to be this invisible force capable of pushing each of us ever forward at such a quickening pace that makes it difficult to catch a decent breath, much less take the necessary time to actually think about the impact of your regular words and actions, but even so they do carry weight. What we think, do and say has a direct impact on each person we interact with on a daily basis …. both superficially and in our more concentrated relationships.
For instance, have you ever complimented a perfect stranger on something as simple as what they’re wearing, a beautiful smile or their positive approach to a problematic issue only to have that same once reserved stranger ‘lighten up’ right in front of your eyes? Almost instantly invisible barriers begin to lift as he or she suddenly feels comfortable enough to engage you in conversation. For the past year or so, I’ve made it a habit to extend compliments whenever I can with the only prerequisite being they must be sincere, and just recently I’ve heard things back like, “Thank you, I got this hat on my last trip to Vegas or “My parents got me these boots for my birthday from the King Ranch in Texas.”
There is so much artificiality commanding our everyday lives, it is my firm belief that regardless of how much everyone seems to be in a hurry, people are actually hungry for the kind of one-on-one interaction that enables them to feel grounded and connected with the world around them. Another case in point …. have you ever had exceptional service while dining out because the server went out of his or her way to make a personal impression? As a result, the entire dining experience is elevated exponentially, and in turn you graciously leave a generous monetary reward as a show of appreciation.
Nobody seems to appreciate the image of turning into some futuristic version of expendable drones whose sudden demise hardly ripples the texture of our Universe, much less the lives of those around us that are often played out on movies screens past and present. However, if we don’t at least begin to start reaching out for one another on some personal level that proves meaningful, that’s exactly where we are headed as a human race …. a place where there will be no further need for individuality or conscious, creative expression of any kind. I would like to state at this point, for all the sad and pathetic stereotypes the South has had to endure in direct relation to repetitive questionable behavior, being ‘friendly’ as a rule is one we got right. It’s actually hard to go anywhere around her without someone speaking to you from out of the blue, and though to outsiders this may sound a bit odd, I’ve often heard visitor’s gratitude in response. In short, when we say, “Have a nice day,” we actually mean it.
Once I passed the age of fifty and began to start giving some thought to my own mortality – however, not in any kind of morbid sense – but rather in a more intellectual and abstract manner that can come with maturity, I started thinking a lot about how my past behavior had affected certain individuals over the years …. both good and bad. And at some point I became determined to ‘clean up my act’ as a way of approaching life in general in a much happier, healthier manner.
Although I’ve said it many times, I think it’s worth repeating, “Life is made up of a series of choices woven together in a sequence.” While some of those choices reveal flashes of brilliance, others can expose a ‘darker side’ that tends to emerge when we result to manipulation and control. It’s then our words and actions tend to deliver catastrophic hits designed to immobilize our opponent – both personally and professionally. Sometimes this is done as a line of self-defense and the need to preserve your own integrity; however, at other times it’s done to disable your opposition’s defense mechanisms to the point he or she no longer has a choice but to concede defeat. However, before you start celebrating victory, it’s perhaps more prudent and wise to come to the understanding your soul may have taken a hit in the process, but before you start obsessing about regrets and all the things you wish you’d done differently, maybe it just might be more beneficial to spend some meditative time deciphering how best to make amends …. whenever possible.
There’s no doubt while some of those you’ve managed to hurt or wound along the way might be receptive to your advances, others most assuredly will not, but that’s okay as long as you’ve made a concerted effort to unburden your soul. All anyone can do is try while remembering the only one’s actions you can control are your own.
Life is sometimes about being happy, and other times it’s about being sad and depressed, but at all times it’s supposed to be about learning and then taking those same lessons to heart so that you may lead a more productive life going forward. When most people are asked what it is they want most out of life – aside from the obvious good health and financial stability – most of us tend to reach for something more meaningful and less tangible that has the capability of lifting us up throughout life and beyond. Both simple and profound, with a beauty all its own, the thing I want most at this point in my life is to be in harmony. How about you?
…. Inner Peace ….
And according to the Urban Dictionary …. The basic nature of God’s Justice: GALATIANS 6:7-9 (KJV): Be not deceived; God is not mocked, for whatsoever a man sows, the he will also reap.
Whether or not you subscribe to the kind of wisdom sought in Eastern cultures – which dates back 4000 years – or you advocate the more familiar Judeo-Christian beliefs like those found in ancient Kabbalah’s Zohar – which like Hinduism dates back 4000 years – or are a participant in one of the many Christian sects from Catholicism to Protestantism, it would at least seem karma matters.
More often than not, life seems to be this invisible force capable of pushing each of us ever forward at such a quickening pace that makes it difficult to catch a decent breath, much less take the necessary time to actually think about the impact of your regular words and actions, but even so they do carry weight. What we think, do and say has a direct impact on each person we interact with on a daily basis …. both superficially and in our more concentrated relationships.
For instance, have you ever complimented a perfect stranger on something as simple as what they’re wearing, a beautiful smile or their positive approach to a problematic issue only to have that same once reserved stranger ‘lighten up’ right in front of your eyes? Almost instantly invisible barriers begin to lift as he or she suddenly feels comfortable enough to engage you in conversation. For the past year or so, I’ve made it a habit to extend compliments whenever I can with the only prerequisite being they must be sincere, and just recently I’ve heard things back like, “Thank you, I got this hat on my last trip to Vegas or “My parents got me these boots for my birthday from the King Ranch in Texas.”
There is so much artificiality commanding our everyday lives, it is my firm belief that regardless of how much everyone seems to be in a hurry, people are actually hungry for the kind of one-on-one interaction that enables them to feel grounded and connected with the world around them. Another case in point …. have you ever had exceptional service while dining out because the server went out of his or her way to make a personal impression? As a result, the entire dining experience is elevated exponentially, and in turn you graciously leave a generous monetary reward as a show of appreciation.
Nobody seems to appreciate the image of turning into some futuristic version of expendable drones whose sudden demise hardly ripples the texture of our Universe, much less the lives of those around us that are often played out on movies screens past and present. However, if we don’t at least begin to start reaching out for one another on some personal level that proves meaningful, that’s exactly where we are headed as a human race …. a place where there will be no further need for individuality or conscious, creative expression of any kind. I would like to state at this point, for all the sad and pathetic stereotypes the South has had to endure in direct relation to repetitive questionable behavior, being ‘friendly’ as a rule is one we got right. It’s actually hard to go anywhere around her without someone speaking to you from out of the blue, and though to outsiders this may sound a bit odd, I’ve often heard visitor’s gratitude in response. In short, when we say, “Have a nice day,” we actually mean it.
Once I passed the age of fifty and began to start giving some thought to my own mortality – however, not in any kind of morbid sense – but rather in a more intellectual and abstract manner that can come with maturity, I started thinking a lot about how my past behavior had affected certain individuals over the years …. both good and bad. And at some point I became determined to ‘clean up my act’ as a way of approaching life in general in a much happier, healthier manner.
Although I’ve said it many times, I think it’s worth repeating, “Life is made up of a series of choices woven together in a sequence.” While some of those choices reveal flashes of brilliance, others can expose a ‘darker side’ that tends to emerge when we result to manipulation and control. It’s then our words and actions tend to deliver catastrophic hits designed to immobilize our opponent – both personally and professionally. Sometimes this is done as a line of self-defense and the need to preserve your own integrity; however, at other times it’s done to disable your opposition’s defense mechanisms to the point he or she no longer has a choice but to concede defeat. However, before you start celebrating victory, it’s perhaps more prudent and wise to come to the understanding your soul may have taken a hit in the process, but before you start obsessing about regrets and all the things you wish you’d done differently, maybe it just might be more beneficial to spend some meditative time deciphering how best to make amends …. whenever possible.
There’s no doubt while some of those you’ve managed to hurt or wound along the way might be receptive to your advances, others most assuredly will not, but that’s okay as long as you’ve made a concerted effort to unburden your soul. All anyone can do is try while remembering the only one’s actions you can control are your own.
Life is sometimes about being happy, and other times it’s about being sad and depressed, but at all times it’s supposed to be about learning and then taking those same lessons to heart so that you may lead a more productive life going forward. When most people are asked what it is they want most out of life – aside from the obvious good health and financial stability – most of us tend to reach for something more meaningful and less tangible that has the capability of lifting us up throughout life and beyond. Both simple and profound, with a beauty all its own, the thing I want most at this point in my life is to be in harmony. How about you?
…. Inner Peace ….
July 15, 2014
Calling Long Distance .....
When I was very young – probably only about 5 or 6 years old – our very first telephone was what was commonly known around here as a party line … and what a party that was. For the un-indoctrinated, this proved to be a wonderful thing wherein if I picked up the receiver ever so slightly and managed to hold my breath for an undetermined period of time, with any luck at all I might happen upon an exchange that equated to something of an adult education. But alas my lessons always seemed to be cut miserably short due to my inability to curtail a mischievous child’s giggle as I listened on the other end. In part, my zealous laughter had little to do with the actual content as much as it had to do with the fact that I thought I might be getting away with something …. at least until the offended parties threatened to tell my mother. However, random veiled threats never served to stop me for long, but they did teach me to perfect my technique.
As a matter of fact, our first telephone made such a big impact on my mind, even today I can still recall our telephone number …. NA46824. The ‘NA’ stood for the word National back then, though I don’t recall exactly why, but when I was asked to call out my telephone number I stated succinctly, “National 46824.” My how things have changed since back then …. Numbers have gotten bigger and telephones much smaller, not to mention fewer and fewer people seem to have a landline anymore.
With regard to calling long distance, this was a luxury granted conservatively, as each passing minute equated to mounting charges, which manifested in the form of an inflated monthly bill. When the three of us children – my brother, sister and I – eventually started traveling away from home, we like so many others successfully ‘beat the system’ for a while each by calling collect and then asking for ourselves, thus signaling our safe arrival to our desired destination. I’m fairly certain Ma’ Bell was hip to such devices, but in the name of extending good customer service to its customers, the operator somehow always played along.
Today however, the term ‘long distance’ has taken on an altogether different meaning for me as an individual in that it refers to my continued efforts to sustain a committed, long-distance relationship with a gentleman that resides one time zone and approximately 1082 miles away. That in and of itself presents certain challenges that might otherwise be rendered void in the form of too much time alone spent pondering and occasionally obsessing about questions that have no immediate answers. Sometimes the liabilities naturally present within the endless meanderings of a creative mind can be awfully difficult to bear and even impossible to control. It’s present in all of us who have no other option but to be ruled by our right brains …. as exemplified in much more notable artists like Vincent van Gogh, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jackson Pollock to name only a few. One cut off his ear, another sunk into alcohol-infused binges of chronic depression and the other periodically descended into states of pure madness while he slung paint against anything within reach for days and nights on end. It’s not that I would dare to place myself in their same genius category, but having come from the same ilk, I’ve come to terms with the fact that ‘fits of insanity’ lurk somewhere behind the walls of my brain, and with little provocation can emerge in a torturous manner I’d just soon avoid altogether.
When it does happen, past misfortunes feed present fears, thereby enabling me – for a short period of time – to push him away thinking all the while, “This will make it easier ….” However, once my senses return, I am reminded life without him is not an option, as I have never felt such intense love and devotion for another human being. I am blessed in so many ways, but the one I hold most dear is his ability to accept me at face value – the good along with the bad – and speaking in terms of my own personal experience, this has been rare.
It’s often stated, “Nothing of value, or no one of merit arrives prior to the right time ….” If I’m to believe this is true, then my acquiring the ‘gift of patience’ coupled with the ability to remain focused on the prize that is already mine until that day when distance will no longer be an issue could just prove to be invaluable.
Oftentimes in an effort to offer encouragement meant to sustain those I know who are suffering trying times, I’ve stated categorically, “The only guarantee any of us has in this life is that it will change ….” I say this because life is fluid and therefore in constant motion. Sometimes the waters run calm and smooth, while at other times it feels as if approaching floods are threatening to take us down. During the worst of times I struggle to remind myself that if I can manage to restrict negative thoughts and behaviors, ‘that this too shall indeed pass’ then once again calling long distance will take on yet a new meaning much closer to its original concept.
At least until then I am comforted by the fact that even when I stumble and fall, there is one who will still remain whose love is both steadfast and strong in his willingness to help me back onto my feet, and this to an oftentimes overly sensitive, high-strung girl like myself, is indeed ‘priceless’.
As a matter of fact, our first telephone made such a big impact on my mind, even today I can still recall our telephone number …. NA46824. The ‘NA’ stood for the word National back then, though I don’t recall exactly why, but when I was asked to call out my telephone number I stated succinctly, “National 46824.” My how things have changed since back then …. Numbers have gotten bigger and telephones much smaller, not to mention fewer and fewer people seem to have a landline anymore.
With regard to calling long distance, this was a luxury granted conservatively, as each passing minute equated to mounting charges, which manifested in the form of an inflated monthly bill. When the three of us children – my brother, sister and I – eventually started traveling away from home, we like so many others successfully ‘beat the system’ for a while each by calling collect and then asking for ourselves, thus signaling our safe arrival to our desired destination. I’m fairly certain Ma’ Bell was hip to such devices, but in the name of extending good customer service to its customers, the operator somehow always played along.
Today however, the term ‘long distance’ has taken on an altogether different meaning for me as an individual in that it refers to my continued efforts to sustain a committed, long-distance relationship with a gentleman that resides one time zone and approximately 1082 miles away. That in and of itself presents certain challenges that might otherwise be rendered void in the form of too much time alone spent pondering and occasionally obsessing about questions that have no immediate answers. Sometimes the liabilities naturally present within the endless meanderings of a creative mind can be awfully difficult to bear and even impossible to control. It’s present in all of us who have no other option but to be ruled by our right brains …. as exemplified in much more notable artists like Vincent van Gogh, F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jackson Pollock to name only a few. One cut off his ear, another sunk into alcohol-infused binges of chronic depression and the other periodically descended into states of pure madness while he slung paint against anything within reach for days and nights on end. It’s not that I would dare to place myself in their same genius category, but having come from the same ilk, I’ve come to terms with the fact that ‘fits of insanity’ lurk somewhere behind the walls of my brain, and with little provocation can emerge in a torturous manner I’d just soon avoid altogether.
When it does happen, past misfortunes feed present fears, thereby enabling me – for a short period of time – to push him away thinking all the while, “This will make it easier ….” However, once my senses return, I am reminded life without him is not an option, as I have never felt such intense love and devotion for another human being. I am blessed in so many ways, but the one I hold most dear is his ability to accept me at face value – the good along with the bad – and speaking in terms of my own personal experience, this has been rare.
It’s often stated, “Nothing of value, or no one of merit arrives prior to the right time ….” If I’m to believe this is true, then my acquiring the ‘gift of patience’ coupled with the ability to remain focused on the prize that is already mine until that day when distance will no longer be an issue could just prove to be invaluable.
Oftentimes in an effort to offer encouragement meant to sustain those I know who are suffering trying times, I’ve stated categorically, “The only guarantee any of us has in this life is that it will change ….” I say this because life is fluid and therefore in constant motion. Sometimes the waters run calm and smooth, while at other times it feels as if approaching floods are threatening to take us down. During the worst of times I struggle to remind myself that if I can manage to restrict negative thoughts and behaviors, ‘that this too shall indeed pass’ then once again calling long distance will take on yet a new meaning much closer to its original concept.
At least until then I am comforted by the fact that even when I stumble and fall, there is one who will still remain whose love is both steadfast and strong in his willingness to help me back onto my feet, and this to an oftentimes overly sensitive, high-strung girl like myself, is indeed ‘priceless’.
A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author .....
I could talk about my work. In fact I'm more than happy to discuss topics related to my writing as it is my passion. Therefore, if you have a question or comment I beg you to put it forth and you will
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