Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 6
April 17, 2014
By The Light of The Blood Moon .....
When we seek illumination, we are seeking light, and when we seek divine enlightenment, we look to the heavens. It is only natural to look ‘up’ when we seek our Lord’s guidance, because if one believes – as I do – that God is the creator of our entire universe, we seek to look beyond that which we readily see for the direction we so desperately need at times. Whether you are a follower of astrology, and as such read your daily horoscope, or decidedly take a more scientific approach by examining the study of astronomy, it would seem obvious enough even to a layperson that God oftentimes chooses to communicate with his flock through strategic planetary and star alignments.
One such alignment occurred on this past Tuesday evening when a total lunar eclipse painted the moon blood red, but exactly one week prior to this on April 7th the orbits of Mars, earth and the sun fell into a rare cosmic alignment, once again setting in motion events as foretold in biblical prophecy as related to the state of Israel. This is only the first in what will be four such eclipses – a lunar tetrad – slated to occur between the dates of April 15, 2014 and September 28, 2015. This one coincided with the Jewish Passover celebration. The second will be on October 8, 2014 during the Feast of Tabernacles, the third on April 4, 2015 again during Passover and the fourth and final on September 28, 2015 corresponding once more to the Feast of Tabernacles.
Four Blood Moons occurring during traditional Jewish feasts are extremely rare, and has only happened three times during the past five-hundred years ….. the first 1493-1494 coinciding with the Edict of Expulsion, which banished all Jews from Spain; the second 1949-1950 marked the birth of the state of Israel, which brought exiled Jews home to the land of the covenant; and the third 1967-1968 heralded the Six Day War wherein the city of Jerusalem was reunited with the state of Israel. So now that we have a fourth transpiring between 2014 -2015 what could God be saying?
One thing unique to this Tetrad that perhaps takes its rarity to the next level is that it contains a Shemitah year. As soon as the Jews landed in the Holy Land, they began counting and observing 7-year cycles, with the seventh year being a Sabbath year, or a year of rest. Literally translated it means ‘to release’ and it has several dimensions. The first is ‘to give your friend a break’ or loan amnesty. The Shemitah year relieves all outstanding debt between Jewish debtors and creditors. Though I’m not Jewish, I kind of like that in that it’s like pushing the reset button on your finances thereby giving you a fresh start.
The second aspect of release was intended as ‘a release of the land’. During the Shemitah year, the residents of the Land of Israel must completely desist from cultivating their fields, as the prior year God was to provide a bounty that could last as long as three years. They also relinquish personal ownership of their fields; therefore, whatever produce grows on its own is considered communal property, free for anyone to take.
And the final and most important aspect of the Shemitah year is meant to ‘refocus’. A year-long abstention from farming, collectively yielded more time to take a breather and focus on more spiritual pursuits. Even today while most Jews are not farmers, the lessons of the Shemitah are still quite relevant, as during this holy year they are to concentrate more on their spiritual mission in life as opposed to material pursuits …. more on the ‘why’ and far less on the ‘what’ in terms of determining need.
Combining the facts as follows, it reads something like this:
1)A Tetrad with a total solar eclipse is rare.
2)Each eclipse coinciding with Jewish Feast Days is very, very rare.
3)The fact the Tetrad also happens to include a Shemitah Day is very, very, very rare.
4) And finally, it corresponds with The Feast of Trumpets, which is astronomically rare.
The Feast of Trumpets simply put fell on the first day of the seventh month, a month which stood out in the religious year as the Sabbatical month that ushered in the last three annual feasts, namely, Trumpets, Atonement and Tabernacles. These feasts, which became known as "The High Holy Days," marked the conclusion of the religious year and typify the conclusion and consummation of the plan of redemption. Therefore, it would seem obvious that God is about to change the course of history, so the question everyone should be asking him or herself is “Am I paying attention?”
The Jewish Talmud records that total lunar eclipse are indications or ‘omens’ for the nation of Israel. In the Hebrew bible, the Book of Joel states, “The sun shall be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the great and the terrible day of the Lord come.” But as a Christian, you might wonder, ‘What does all this have to do with me?” Well, if you take a look at the Book of Acts, it is God who states, “And I will show wonders in heaven above and signs in the Earth beneath, the sun shall be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord.”
Then taking a look at the New Testament, Matthew 24:29-30 Jesus said, “29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
So whether we’re looking at war in the Middle East or the ‘Second Coming of Christ’ it’s been roughly 6000 years since Adam’s creation in the Garden of Eden. So might one ponder that this unique occurrence within our solar system between this past Tuesday and September 28, 2015 signal the beginning of the 1000-year millennium of rest spoken about in both Hebrews and The Book of Revelation? Whatever you believe, if you got an opportunity to see that magnificent moon from a couple nights ago, you cannot deny it was something extraordinary, and if you didn’t, then it’s not your last chance to see the manifestation of God’s voice in the heavens, as the next one comes around on October 8th. In the meantime, it might be nice to take a page out of ancient Hebrew text by asking yourself, “Why am I here?” rather than “What do I want?” Peace ……
One such alignment occurred on this past Tuesday evening when a total lunar eclipse painted the moon blood red, but exactly one week prior to this on April 7th the orbits of Mars, earth and the sun fell into a rare cosmic alignment, once again setting in motion events as foretold in biblical prophecy as related to the state of Israel. This is only the first in what will be four such eclipses – a lunar tetrad – slated to occur between the dates of April 15, 2014 and September 28, 2015. This one coincided with the Jewish Passover celebration. The second will be on October 8, 2014 during the Feast of Tabernacles, the third on April 4, 2015 again during Passover and the fourth and final on September 28, 2015 corresponding once more to the Feast of Tabernacles.
Four Blood Moons occurring during traditional Jewish feasts are extremely rare, and has only happened three times during the past five-hundred years ….. the first 1493-1494 coinciding with the Edict of Expulsion, which banished all Jews from Spain; the second 1949-1950 marked the birth of the state of Israel, which brought exiled Jews home to the land of the covenant; and the third 1967-1968 heralded the Six Day War wherein the city of Jerusalem was reunited with the state of Israel. So now that we have a fourth transpiring between 2014 -2015 what could God be saying?
One thing unique to this Tetrad that perhaps takes its rarity to the next level is that it contains a Shemitah year. As soon as the Jews landed in the Holy Land, they began counting and observing 7-year cycles, with the seventh year being a Sabbath year, or a year of rest. Literally translated it means ‘to release’ and it has several dimensions. The first is ‘to give your friend a break’ or loan amnesty. The Shemitah year relieves all outstanding debt between Jewish debtors and creditors. Though I’m not Jewish, I kind of like that in that it’s like pushing the reset button on your finances thereby giving you a fresh start.
The second aspect of release was intended as ‘a release of the land’. During the Shemitah year, the residents of the Land of Israel must completely desist from cultivating their fields, as the prior year God was to provide a bounty that could last as long as three years. They also relinquish personal ownership of their fields; therefore, whatever produce grows on its own is considered communal property, free for anyone to take.
And the final and most important aspect of the Shemitah year is meant to ‘refocus’. A year-long abstention from farming, collectively yielded more time to take a breather and focus on more spiritual pursuits. Even today while most Jews are not farmers, the lessons of the Shemitah are still quite relevant, as during this holy year they are to concentrate more on their spiritual mission in life as opposed to material pursuits …. more on the ‘why’ and far less on the ‘what’ in terms of determining need.
Combining the facts as follows, it reads something like this:
1)A Tetrad with a total solar eclipse is rare.
2)Each eclipse coinciding with Jewish Feast Days is very, very rare.
3)The fact the Tetrad also happens to include a Shemitah Day is very, very, very rare.
4) And finally, it corresponds with The Feast of Trumpets, which is astronomically rare.
The Feast of Trumpets simply put fell on the first day of the seventh month, a month which stood out in the religious year as the Sabbatical month that ushered in the last three annual feasts, namely, Trumpets, Atonement and Tabernacles. These feasts, which became known as "The High Holy Days," marked the conclusion of the religious year and typify the conclusion and consummation of the plan of redemption. Therefore, it would seem obvious that God is about to change the course of history, so the question everyone should be asking him or herself is “Am I paying attention?”
The Jewish Talmud records that total lunar eclipse are indications or ‘omens’ for the nation of Israel. In the Hebrew bible, the Book of Joel states, “The sun shall be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the great and the terrible day of the Lord come.” But as a Christian, you might wonder, ‘What does all this have to do with me?” Well, if you take a look at the Book of Acts, it is God who states, “And I will show wonders in heaven above and signs in the Earth beneath, the sun shall be turned into darkness and the moon into blood before the coming of the great and awesome day of the Lord.”
Then taking a look at the New Testament, Matthew 24:29-30 Jesus said, “29 Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
30 And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
So whether we’re looking at war in the Middle East or the ‘Second Coming of Christ’ it’s been roughly 6000 years since Adam’s creation in the Garden of Eden. So might one ponder that this unique occurrence within our solar system between this past Tuesday and September 28, 2015 signal the beginning of the 1000-year millennium of rest spoken about in both Hebrews and The Book of Revelation? Whatever you believe, if you got an opportunity to see that magnificent moon from a couple nights ago, you cannot deny it was something extraordinary, and if you didn’t, then it’s not your last chance to see the manifestation of God’s voice in the heavens, as the next one comes around on October 8th. In the meantime, it might be nice to take a page out of ancient Hebrew text by asking yourself, “Why am I here?” rather than “What do I want?” Peace ……
April 15, 2014
Boston Strong .......
Today marked the anniversary of the bombing of the Boston marathon one year ago, and as such I can’t help but look back at my own tenure there back in the early nineties. In a way, it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. As a whole, I loved New England, so culturally different from where I’d come from, it seemingly had everything …. from sprawling metropolitan cities like Boston, Hartford and Providence, as well as the quaint townships reflected in so many of Norman Rockwell’s covers for the Saturday Evening Post. It’s also home to some of the finest institutions of higher learning …. which I love. Boston, itself, lays claim to Harvard, MIT, Boston College, Tufts, Northeastern and Radcliffe among so many others. Home to one of the largest Irish contingencies in America, St. Patrick’s Day there is something one can never forget, and having experienced it firsthand, it’s something I’ll always long to do once again. And then there’s the history …. From Paul Revere’s legendary ride to the Sons of Liberty’s famous protest that turned Boston Harbor into a massive ‘cup of tea’ Boston’s progressive political roots extend deep into the soil trampled by some of our country’s very first citizens. Maybe that’s why it’s such a no nonsense society.
As someone who has an ongoing love affair with words, it is a writer’s mecca. Boston and some its surrounding towns lay claim to Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Henry David Thoreau. Touring the historic homes of these famous authors is much like walking on hallowed ground, and if you’ve loved their work as much as me, then you cannot help but feel moved and even inspired by some of the same vistas that must have stimulated their genius as they sought to put pen to paper so as to convey their thoughts in a manner we might all come to appreciate one day.
Bostonians, on the other hand, have a love/hate relationship with their sports teams. Depending upon the time of year, a mass exodus is created by thousands of fans making their way to see their beloved Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics, and like a parent who claims the sole right to criticize his own child, an outsider should proceed with extreme caution when trying to do the same.
However, for this southern expat, it was overwhelming to say the least. Traffic there is like no other place I’ve ever lived. When driving along one of the many highways that circle, crisscross, and dissect the city, if there aren’t enough lanes to handle the natural flow of traffic, drivers there exercise their self-appointed right to use the shoulder of the road as if it were an additional lane. They also have no tolerance for someone who dares hesitate at a stop light before proceeding, any more than they do for one who dares to stop on yellow. Needless to say, driving there is a sport, and the objective is to get where you’re going without making contact with another player.
Navigation is another issue ….. the city is so old, that there is no grid system and seemingly no rhyme or reason as to how things lay out. You can actually make visual contact with your destination while continuing to circle endlessly in your effort to arrive. Frustration is the only word I can think of, and no one seems to want to help. In the south, you can ask someone how to get somewhere, and they may just jump in their car and say, “Follow me,” but that doesn’t happen in Boston. And if driving doesn’t get you, then parking will. Parking on the street is limited, and businesses there aren’t equipped with parking lots, so a trip to the bank in Cambridge might mean double or even triple parking and hoping like hell you can conclude your business prior to being ticketed.
Therefore, I took solace in shopping on the famed Newbury Street and eating at Legal Sea Foods. In fact, the seafood is so impressive, upon returning to the South, I occasionally had it flown in for special occasions …. kept fresh with the assistance of dry ice of course. Believe me, it’s worth it.
Over the course of time, I developed the same kind of pride as any Bostonian in much the same way a transplant patient comes to love their new heart, lung or kidney. Though you did not begin the journey together, you eventually become as much a part of one another the same as if you had. So when I watched the footage of the bombing one year ago, I felt the pain and loss just as intensely as if I were still living there. Darkness and pandemonium descended as a civic day of pride was suddenly turned into a day of confusion and mourning, but Boston quickly gathered its thoughts as it sought to catch those responsible. I’d like to think in some small way we were all Bostonians that day as we saw across geographical lines, color barriers and social standing to band together as Americans who said, “No, not again.” We will not let outsiders come into our nation and rip the right to feel free right out of our arms. We will not let you take away our security or make us fearful on our own streets, and we will never forget the lessons of 9/11. Those who seek to take that which we have earned with the blood of our forefathers will sacrifice everything as a result, as we will not stand down.
One year later we somberly remember those who were lost that day and we champion the spirit of those who conquered adversity in the absence of the ability to understand ‘why’ it happened at all. Once again we band together and unite as Bostonians who stand tall and celebrate the victory that is and will always be ours.
As someone who has an ongoing love affair with words, it is a writer’s mecca. Boston and some its surrounding towns lay claim to Louisa May Alcott, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and Henry David Thoreau. Touring the historic homes of these famous authors is much like walking on hallowed ground, and if you’ve loved their work as much as me, then you cannot help but feel moved and even inspired by some of the same vistas that must have stimulated their genius as they sought to put pen to paper so as to convey their thoughts in a manner we might all come to appreciate one day.
Bostonians, on the other hand, have a love/hate relationship with their sports teams. Depending upon the time of year, a mass exodus is created by thousands of fans making their way to see their beloved Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics, and like a parent who claims the sole right to criticize his own child, an outsider should proceed with extreme caution when trying to do the same.
However, for this southern expat, it was overwhelming to say the least. Traffic there is like no other place I’ve ever lived. When driving along one of the many highways that circle, crisscross, and dissect the city, if there aren’t enough lanes to handle the natural flow of traffic, drivers there exercise their self-appointed right to use the shoulder of the road as if it were an additional lane. They also have no tolerance for someone who dares hesitate at a stop light before proceeding, any more than they do for one who dares to stop on yellow. Needless to say, driving there is a sport, and the objective is to get where you’re going without making contact with another player.
Navigation is another issue ….. the city is so old, that there is no grid system and seemingly no rhyme or reason as to how things lay out. You can actually make visual contact with your destination while continuing to circle endlessly in your effort to arrive. Frustration is the only word I can think of, and no one seems to want to help. In the south, you can ask someone how to get somewhere, and they may just jump in their car and say, “Follow me,” but that doesn’t happen in Boston. And if driving doesn’t get you, then parking will. Parking on the street is limited, and businesses there aren’t equipped with parking lots, so a trip to the bank in Cambridge might mean double or even triple parking and hoping like hell you can conclude your business prior to being ticketed.
Therefore, I took solace in shopping on the famed Newbury Street and eating at Legal Sea Foods. In fact, the seafood is so impressive, upon returning to the South, I occasionally had it flown in for special occasions …. kept fresh with the assistance of dry ice of course. Believe me, it’s worth it.
Over the course of time, I developed the same kind of pride as any Bostonian in much the same way a transplant patient comes to love their new heart, lung or kidney. Though you did not begin the journey together, you eventually become as much a part of one another the same as if you had. So when I watched the footage of the bombing one year ago, I felt the pain and loss just as intensely as if I were still living there. Darkness and pandemonium descended as a civic day of pride was suddenly turned into a day of confusion and mourning, but Boston quickly gathered its thoughts as it sought to catch those responsible. I’d like to think in some small way we were all Bostonians that day as we saw across geographical lines, color barriers and social standing to band together as Americans who said, “No, not again.” We will not let outsiders come into our nation and rip the right to feel free right out of our arms. We will not let you take away our security or make us fearful on our own streets, and we will never forget the lessons of 9/11. Those who seek to take that which we have earned with the blood of our forefathers will sacrifice everything as a result, as we will not stand down.
One year later we somberly remember those who were lost that day and we champion the spirit of those who conquered adversity in the absence of the ability to understand ‘why’ it happened at all. Once again we band together and unite as Bostonians who stand tall and celebrate the victory that is and will always be ours.
April 14, 2014
Wisteria Lane ......
The last two days around here have been representative of what Noah must have seen out the window from his arc. With rain having fallen for extended periods at the rate of 2" per hour, everything around here is either soaked or water-logged. Even though rain is to be expected in the spring, this last round has also brought much cooler temperatures with a freeze warning having been issued for this evening. We are experiencing what is commonly referred to around here as 'blackberry winter' which roughly translates to that last odd cold spell before heat sets in for the duration, as well as the time to harvest wild blackberries. When I was a child, Mom would have sent my siblings and me into the surrounding woods with scrubbed, empty coffee cans in search of the prized berries for the purpose of putting up homemade jams and jellies, in addition to her famous cobbler ..... all very good things I assure you. Mom always had a gift for such things, from producing a prolific garden to making the most of her haul through exhaustive hours spent canning and freezing. As children we never knew how fortunate we had it sitting around our table until we grew into adulthood and subsequently fed our own families with food purchased at the supermarket.
This afternoon, as I hastened my way from the warmth of inside to my parked car feeling hopelessly under-dressed as I tried not to slip out of my soaking wet shoes, I couldn't wait to get home to put on my flannel pajama pants and a fleece pullover to ward off the chill that had set in over the past hour. All I could think was, "I'm so over this winter!" But as I turned down Bayshore Drive only about a mile and a half from home, I was greeted by a burst of color that assured me this was only a temporary setback.
Surrounding one home that sits about 1/8 of a mile off the road, were so many dogwoods in bloom, the house was barely visible. Then as I stared up at the trees - now a bright green with freshly sprouted leaves - an abundance of wisteria had snaked its way in and around tree trunks and limbs, dropping fragrant bouquets of lilac-colored blooms that all the rain had somehow spared. Punctuating all of this was bright yellow forsythia bushes and occasional redbud trees in varying colors of fuchsia and purple. It's always amazed me how no matter whether Easter falls early or late in the season, all these same things seem to burst into full bloom simultaneous to advent, as if to usher in this season of hope and rebirth represented by resurrection. Isn't it funny how the Universe always gets it right?
So although I am cold and feeling a little out-of-sorts about that, I am still more optimistic than perhaps ever about the future. Many good things are either happening or in the works. Patience and hard work are finally beginning to pay off, and I can even look out my window and see the gratification from having born a long, hard winter. Sometimes happiness is the 'choice' you have to make and not just one of several options. Although cliché' it is so true ..... adversity is not what defines us, but rather how we choose to handle it that makes us who we are. Time passes and weather changes, but finding a state-of-well-being, well that is timeless.
This afternoon, as I hastened my way from the warmth of inside to my parked car feeling hopelessly under-dressed as I tried not to slip out of my soaking wet shoes, I couldn't wait to get home to put on my flannel pajama pants and a fleece pullover to ward off the chill that had set in over the past hour. All I could think was, "I'm so over this winter!" But as I turned down Bayshore Drive only about a mile and a half from home, I was greeted by a burst of color that assured me this was only a temporary setback.
Surrounding one home that sits about 1/8 of a mile off the road, were so many dogwoods in bloom, the house was barely visible. Then as I stared up at the trees - now a bright green with freshly sprouted leaves - an abundance of wisteria had snaked its way in and around tree trunks and limbs, dropping fragrant bouquets of lilac-colored blooms that all the rain had somehow spared. Punctuating all of this was bright yellow forsythia bushes and occasional redbud trees in varying colors of fuchsia and purple. It's always amazed me how no matter whether Easter falls early or late in the season, all these same things seem to burst into full bloom simultaneous to advent, as if to usher in this season of hope and rebirth represented by resurrection. Isn't it funny how the Universe always gets it right?
So although I am cold and feeling a little out-of-sorts about that, I am still more optimistic than perhaps ever about the future. Many good things are either happening or in the works. Patience and hard work are finally beginning to pay off, and I can even look out my window and see the gratification from having born a long, hard winter. Sometimes happiness is the 'choice' you have to make and not just one of several options. Although cliché' it is so true ..... adversity is not what defines us, but rather how we choose to handle it that makes us who we are. Time passes and weather changes, but finding a state-of-well-being, well that is timeless.
April 13, 2014
Thinking In Color .......
This morning I watched an interview with Pharrell Williams in which he spoke at some length about his success in the music industry, as well as his colorful self-expression. When the interviewer tried to categorize him as an ‘out of the box’ thinker and then went on to infer his recent success was due to the fact he had been able to pinpoint that which he did best and then parlay his vision into a phenomenal sensation that took off like wildfire, Pharrell would have no part of it. He said – and I paraphrase – “I never saw the box. That’s where ‘a room without a roof’ comes from. I’m limited by the world.” His belief is that when someone focuses solely on doing only what they do best, it is equivalent to creative suicide, virtually stunting their ability to grow any further. He went on to say, “I think in color. I live in color.” Thus the Vivian Westwood hat that currently typifies his image was not some preconceived plan hatched by him and his stylist, but rather a simple fashion choice that came to define his current persona, but if I am right that persona will continue to develop and change with the many moods that are Pharrell.
As a tribute to his genius, I’d like to barrow from his words by saying I tend to think in color as well. I suppose that’s why I have so little tolerance for those who insist upon painting the world and its inhabitants as if everything were ‘black and white’. Some days I forget all fifty shades of grey and instead draw my inspiration from the azure blues of the sky and sea and the verdant shades of chartreuse contrasting against the deep forest and mossy greens in the woods outside my windows. Just as you find very little that is truly black or white in nature, there is very little black or white in society that is not manmade.
Whether speaking in terms of fashion or a lifestyle choice there is not and never will be a ‘one size fits all’. We are not all heterosexual and we are not all homosexual. Some may find they are best suited for traditional values, while others tend to walk to the beat of their own drums. Even within our legal system, we can’t always agree with what constitutes pornography, or even when to classify the taking of another life as murder. We claim to be a ‘free’ nation, but there seems to be this ongoing struggle for government to have the right to tell women what they can or cannot do with their own bodies, despite legislation that was decided upon January 22, 1973 by our own United States Supreme Court.
We are a melting pot made up of many different cultures, different idealisms and different colors, and it is our differences that make us profoundly interesting, diversified and strong as a nation who – for the most part – still encourages individualism. We need a certain amount of conformity to uphold the laws of the nation so that we don’t descend into a state of anarchy, but beyond this whether one considers it ‘thinking outside the box’ or blowing the roof off of it altogether, it is this ability to see the world and beyond with kaleidoscopic vision that enables us all to celebrate that which continues to move our hearts and replenish our spirit through things like art, music, movies, architecture, technology and even the perfect cup of coffee. How boring and uninteresting would life be if we only saw through lenses colored black or white?
It’s not just ‘freedom of speech’ that makes us great, but freedom of expression that helps us to grow, pushing us beyond the current boundaries set by convention by seeking to tap into unused potential and continue to strive to break new ground in space exploration, modern medicine and agriculture just to name a few. Those who have contributed to making society a better, more digestable place to live in are not just ‘out of the box’ thinkers, but rather visionaries of universal proportions, because they are only bound by the limits of their own imagination and driven by a need to make things better. They see all of the colors of the spectrum as well as the shades in between while mapping out new territory that will come to define tomorrow’s new normal, and while I am a far lesser-known, card-carrying member of this same organization, the fact that I belong at all can’t help but make me feel ‘happy’.
As a tribute to his genius, I’d like to barrow from his words by saying I tend to think in color as well. I suppose that’s why I have so little tolerance for those who insist upon painting the world and its inhabitants as if everything were ‘black and white’. Some days I forget all fifty shades of grey and instead draw my inspiration from the azure blues of the sky and sea and the verdant shades of chartreuse contrasting against the deep forest and mossy greens in the woods outside my windows. Just as you find very little that is truly black or white in nature, there is very little black or white in society that is not manmade.
Whether speaking in terms of fashion or a lifestyle choice there is not and never will be a ‘one size fits all’. We are not all heterosexual and we are not all homosexual. Some may find they are best suited for traditional values, while others tend to walk to the beat of their own drums. Even within our legal system, we can’t always agree with what constitutes pornography, or even when to classify the taking of another life as murder. We claim to be a ‘free’ nation, but there seems to be this ongoing struggle for government to have the right to tell women what they can or cannot do with their own bodies, despite legislation that was decided upon January 22, 1973 by our own United States Supreme Court.
We are a melting pot made up of many different cultures, different idealisms and different colors, and it is our differences that make us profoundly interesting, diversified and strong as a nation who – for the most part – still encourages individualism. We need a certain amount of conformity to uphold the laws of the nation so that we don’t descend into a state of anarchy, but beyond this whether one considers it ‘thinking outside the box’ or blowing the roof off of it altogether, it is this ability to see the world and beyond with kaleidoscopic vision that enables us all to celebrate that which continues to move our hearts and replenish our spirit through things like art, music, movies, architecture, technology and even the perfect cup of coffee. How boring and uninteresting would life be if we only saw through lenses colored black or white?
It’s not just ‘freedom of speech’ that makes us great, but freedom of expression that helps us to grow, pushing us beyond the current boundaries set by convention by seeking to tap into unused potential and continue to strive to break new ground in space exploration, modern medicine and agriculture just to name a few. Those who have contributed to making society a better, more digestable place to live in are not just ‘out of the box’ thinkers, but rather visionaries of universal proportions, because they are only bound by the limits of their own imagination and driven by a need to make things better. They see all of the colors of the spectrum as well as the shades in between while mapping out new territory that will come to define tomorrow’s new normal, and while I am a far lesser-known, card-carrying member of this same organization, the fact that I belong at all can’t help but make me feel ‘happy’.
April 12, 2014
Clarity .... The Unanticipated Benefit of Celibacy .......
Some people choose to do without sex, while for others like myself, abstinence chooses us instead. Having been badly burned during the course and subsequent break-up of my last relationship, it has been awhile …. in fact, so long I’ve stopped counting the months, because at some point it started feeling like counting the number of days since I was induced into some kind of waking, semi-functioning coma where I was not really alive, but not quite dead either. Too many days had I spent staring aimlessly into space while the world continued spinning around me as if to confirm my participation was hardly necessary to insure the seamless passage of time from one day into the next.
So I set aside an integral part of myself in hopes of rediscovering other parts I’d managed to misplace along the way, believing that if I could only discover how it was I landed here in the first place, desperately locked inside my own mind where I was tortured by fears centered around a perceived inadequacy, then I might finally avoid having to make this same trip ever again. After considerable passage of time, I actually grew comfortable with my new existence as I began to appreciate it for being more streamlined and almost lacking in the kinds of clutter that often plagues sexual relationships.
For women who are often taught ‘good girls don’t’ while growing up, once you’ve finally surrendered that part of yourself that is kept sacred as long as it remains private, we naturally develop attachments to those with whom we’ve shared intimacy, even if our partner has failed to do the same. So in an effort to try and strengthen and further perpetuate the relationship, we start giving away other bits and pieces of ourselves, because we have this inherent need to reinforce within our minds that the original decision to submit in the first place was indeed a good one. However, what happens when forced to come to terms with the fact it was not?
When the vision of perfection we’ve nurtured and kept alive since the first day we imagined being with another disintegrates into a reality that is so far off the mark that we can no longer lie to ourselves, much less others about our unhappiness, the only thing you can do to save yourself is to leave, reserving whatever dignity you still have remaining intact to build upon as you go on a mission of self-discovery. Call it a ‘vision quest’ or even something similar to a religious pilgrimage. Whatever you decide to call it, a journey toward self-realization is a trip worth taking in terms of clarity alone. With no one to tell you what to do or how you should feel, you’re finally free to experience your own thoughts and moods unencumbered by the burdens of another’s preconceived notions about who you are or how you should act.
Don’t get me wrong …. I’m not downing partnerships. In fact the happy couples I’ve known over the years continue to convince me that it is the best possible situation anyone – male or female – can find themselves in, but to try and make someone right who is obviously not is an exercise in futility, and the best way to get over someone is ‘not’ by getting under someone else. You’re only creating a new sequence of events destined to fail, because we all know rebound relationships never work. Then as your love life begins to take on the same toxic characteristics as a serial killer’s deadly rampage, you’re left wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result?” Although Einstein was a German-born theoretical physicist, he might as well have been a relationship coach when he uttered that famous quote.
Sometimes space and time are your greatest allies when it comes to the fight for understanding yourself and what it is you most want out of life. Emotions can be tricky, and oftentimes we become our own worst enemy by trying to convince ourselves we’re on the right path when at our core, we already know nothing could be further from the truth. Therefore, why not take a self-imposed ‘break’ from all of whatever it is that tends to muddy the waters in order to see more clearly the beauty that lies just beneath the surface. William Shakespeare once wrote, “This above all, to thine own self be true,” but in order to make that happen, you must first know who you are. Then and only then will you be able to make credible choices that lead to authenticity.
So I set aside an integral part of myself in hopes of rediscovering other parts I’d managed to misplace along the way, believing that if I could only discover how it was I landed here in the first place, desperately locked inside my own mind where I was tortured by fears centered around a perceived inadequacy, then I might finally avoid having to make this same trip ever again. After considerable passage of time, I actually grew comfortable with my new existence as I began to appreciate it for being more streamlined and almost lacking in the kinds of clutter that often plagues sexual relationships.
For women who are often taught ‘good girls don’t’ while growing up, once you’ve finally surrendered that part of yourself that is kept sacred as long as it remains private, we naturally develop attachments to those with whom we’ve shared intimacy, even if our partner has failed to do the same. So in an effort to try and strengthen and further perpetuate the relationship, we start giving away other bits and pieces of ourselves, because we have this inherent need to reinforce within our minds that the original decision to submit in the first place was indeed a good one. However, what happens when forced to come to terms with the fact it was not?
When the vision of perfection we’ve nurtured and kept alive since the first day we imagined being with another disintegrates into a reality that is so far off the mark that we can no longer lie to ourselves, much less others about our unhappiness, the only thing you can do to save yourself is to leave, reserving whatever dignity you still have remaining intact to build upon as you go on a mission of self-discovery. Call it a ‘vision quest’ or even something similar to a religious pilgrimage. Whatever you decide to call it, a journey toward self-realization is a trip worth taking in terms of clarity alone. With no one to tell you what to do or how you should feel, you’re finally free to experience your own thoughts and moods unencumbered by the burdens of another’s preconceived notions about who you are or how you should act.
Don’t get me wrong …. I’m not downing partnerships. In fact the happy couples I’ve known over the years continue to convince me that it is the best possible situation anyone – male or female – can find themselves in, but to try and make someone right who is obviously not is an exercise in futility, and the best way to get over someone is ‘not’ by getting under someone else. You’re only creating a new sequence of events destined to fail, because we all know rebound relationships never work. Then as your love life begins to take on the same toxic characteristics as a serial killer’s deadly rampage, you’re left wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?” Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting a different result?” Although Einstein was a German-born theoretical physicist, he might as well have been a relationship coach when he uttered that famous quote.
Sometimes space and time are your greatest allies when it comes to the fight for understanding yourself and what it is you most want out of life. Emotions can be tricky, and oftentimes we become our own worst enemy by trying to convince ourselves we’re on the right path when at our core, we already know nothing could be further from the truth. Therefore, why not take a self-imposed ‘break’ from all of whatever it is that tends to muddy the waters in order to see more clearly the beauty that lies just beneath the surface. William Shakespeare once wrote, “This above all, to thine own self be true,” but in order to make that happen, you must first know who you are. Then and only then will you be able to make credible choices that lead to authenticity.
April 10, 2014
It's All In The Past .......
Yesterday I came face-to-face with a portion of my past in the form of an ex who had expressed a desire to come visit recently. This hadn’t been the first attempt. In fact it was probably more like the third or fourth in as many months, but up until now I had managed to evade confrontation. However, this past week his younger brother passed away due to an inoperable brain tumor, and when he called to tell me the news, he was so broke up he could barely speak.
With me having lost my own brother going on ten years ago, this news sent a message to my heart telling me it was ‘time’. Mike and I had what could only be described as a love/hate relationship almost from the start, but he had managed to pick me up off the floor in the months following my divorce from my children’s father by somehow convincing me I was ‘better’ than the person I’d let myself become. As such I had always felt a strong sense of loyalty to him that in the midst of our ongoing struggles, was often difficult to explain to anyone else.
He is heavily connected to the music industry out of Nashville and in this regard traveled extensively and suffered from all the same vices so many entertainers succumb to once famous. I, however, remained in Nashville working for a design firm that catered to high-end retail stores such as Polo and Tommy Hilfiger as well as the golf industry nationwide and abroad. Months would pass without us seeing one another, and stories from the road failed to entertain me in the same way it did him. Jealousy reared its ugly head, and we fought, and we left each other at least a dozen times only to reunite and do it all over again. It wasn’t until I married him on a whim during a trip to the Smoky Mountains that I realized five days later we were finished, and I surrendered to yet another painful break-up.
But somewhere along the way we managed to figure out we could still remain friends despite the fact we had made a dreadful couple. We’d call each other on birthdays and during the holidays, and shoot the breeze over the telephone a couple other times a year, but in the past couple of years, life took a devastating downward turn for Mike as he lost his mother, stepmother – who had become a second mother figure – his sister, a stepbrother and stepsister, his father, his beloved dog and finally last week his remaining brother. This past Thanksgiving, he barely survived an assault by a furloughed prisoner in Oklahoma City during which he was stabbed multiple times landing him in an ICU in a coma for over three weeks. When he was admitted, following the first of three surgeries, his daughter, Michelle, was told they gave him a 40% chance of survival, but survive he did.
So after all of this, how could I tell him “no” when he said he needed to see me? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, it was just the buffer distance created enabled me to remain his friend without his assuming we could once again morph into something greater. Text messages since last fall had told me on numerous occasions I was the only woman he’d ever loved and that it had always been “me”. Then I would be forced to tell him ours was a tragically bad relationship, and although I held no ill-will or resentment towards him, I was not prepared to travel down that same road again. Consequently feelings would be hurt and weeks would pass before he popped up on my radar.
Yesterday, as I braced myself for a visit that could go any number of possible ways, I reminded myself of George Santayana’s famous quote ….. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” and with my resolve firmly in place, I answered the door. He looked good. He was thinner and fitter than I could ever remember him having been before. He had a broad smile on his face and instantly pulled me into him to give me a hug. Following the storms of the previous day, it was so picture perfect outside, we took a bottle of wine down to Carpenter Dam and sat in his truck with the windows down while we re-hashed our glory days. I honestly can’t remember the last time I laughed so much or allowed myself to cry in front of another human being, but it was good.
I’m not a big fan of the word ‘closure’ …. perhaps because I’ve never really been able to achieve it. Whether someone dies or for other reasons decides to goes their own way, once they have been an integral part of your life, they leave an indelible print upon your soul, and because they are no longer with you doesn’t mean they didn’t have an impact on your life that somehow changed you. The memories you attach to that person remain intact, and short of catastrophic brain injury, dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, they will always be a part of you. Therefore, instead of seeking some unattainable closure, I find it best to release the pain while holding on to all that was good as a means to fill and replenish your emotional bank account, so that on dark and stressful days you still have the necessary reserves from which to draw that can make you feel better about life even when it’s far less than perfect.
Another famous quote by Mr. Santayana is, “Only the dead have seen the end of war,” and while he may have been speaking in a more literal sense this is also true for each of us. The effort to maintain some sense of balance and integrity while simultaneously struggling to make something of your life that makes sense is an ongoing battle at best. It’s easy to get lost and to forget who you are, much less why you’re trying so hard, and unfortunately it’s a war that will rage on until the day you die. It’s only by letting go of the past while keeping focused on the future do any of us ever hope to arrive at our destination, but I think it’s still okay to sometimes go up in the attic and open our hope chests to see what we’ve carefully placed inside. On some days memories are all we have, and on those days oftentimes it’s all we need.
With me having lost my own brother going on ten years ago, this news sent a message to my heart telling me it was ‘time’. Mike and I had what could only be described as a love/hate relationship almost from the start, but he had managed to pick me up off the floor in the months following my divorce from my children’s father by somehow convincing me I was ‘better’ than the person I’d let myself become. As such I had always felt a strong sense of loyalty to him that in the midst of our ongoing struggles, was often difficult to explain to anyone else.
He is heavily connected to the music industry out of Nashville and in this regard traveled extensively and suffered from all the same vices so many entertainers succumb to once famous. I, however, remained in Nashville working for a design firm that catered to high-end retail stores such as Polo and Tommy Hilfiger as well as the golf industry nationwide and abroad. Months would pass without us seeing one another, and stories from the road failed to entertain me in the same way it did him. Jealousy reared its ugly head, and we fought, and we left each other at least a dozen times only to reunite and do it all over again. It wasn’t until I married him on a whim during a trip to the Smoky Mountains that I realized five days later we were finished, and I surrendered to yet another painful break-up.
But somewhere along the way we managed to figure out we could still remain friends despite the fact we had made a dreadful couple. We’d call each other on birthdays and during the holidays, and shoot the breeze over the telephone a couple other times a year, but in the past couple of years, life took a devastating downward turn for Mike as he lost his mother, stepmother – who had become a second mother figure – his sister, a stepbrother and stepsister, his father, his beloved dog and finally last week his remaining brother. This past Thanksgiving, he barely survived an assault by a furloughed prisoner in Oklahoma City during which he was stabbed multiple times landing him in an ICU in a coma for over three weeks. When he was admitted, following the first of three surgeries, his daughter, Michelle, was told they gave him a 40% chance of survival, but survive he did.
So after all of this, how could I tell him “no” when he said he needed to see me? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, it was just the buffer distance created enabled me to remain his friend without his assuming we could once again morph into something greater. Text messages since last fall had told me on numerous occasions I was the only woman he’d ever loved and that it had always been “me”. Then I would be forced to tell him ours was a tragically bad relationship, and although I held no ill-will or resentment towards him, I was not prepared to travel down that same road again. Consequently feelings would be hurt and weeks would pass before he popped up on my radar.
Yesterday, as I braced myself for a visit that could go any number of possible ways, I reminded myself of George Santayana’s famous quote ….. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” and with my resolve firmly in place, I answered the door. He looked good. He was thinner and fitter than I could ever remember him having been before. He had a broad smile on his face and instantly pulled me into him to give me a hug. Following the storms of the previous day, it was so picture perfect outside, we took a bottle of wine down to Carpenter Dam and sat in his truck with the windows down while we re-hashed our glory days. I honestly can’t remember the last time I laughed so much or allowed myself to cry in front of another human being, but it was good.
I’m not a big fan of the word ‘closure’ …. perhaps because I’ve never really been able to achieve it. Whether someone dies or for other reasons decides to goes their own way, once they have been an integral part of your life, they leave an indelible print upon your soul, and because they are no longer with you doesn’t mean they didn’t have an impact on your life that somehow changed you. The memories you attach to that person remain intact, and short of catastrophic brain injury, dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, they will always be a part of you. Therefore, instead of seeking some unattainable closure, I find it best to release the pain while holding on to all that was good as a means to fill and replenish your emotional bank account, so that on dark and stressful days you still have the necessary reserves from which to draw that can make you feel better about life even when it’s far less than perfect.
Another famous quote by Mr. Santayana is, “Only the dead have seen the end of war,” and while he may have been speaking in a more literal sense this is also true for each of us. The effort to maintain some sense of balance and integrity while simultaneously struggling to make something of your life that makes sense is an ongoing battle at best. It’s easy to get lost and to forget who you are, much less why you’re trying so hard, and unfortunately it’s a war that will rage on until the day you die. It’s only by letting go of the past while keeping focused on the future do any of us ever hope to arrive at our destination, but I think it’s still okay to sometimes go up in the attic and open our hope chests to see what we’ve carefully placed inside. On some days memories are all we have, and on those days oftentimes it’s all we need.
April 8, 2014
The Ties That Bind .........
Whether speaking figuratively or literally, there are many ties that bind each of us to others as we endeavor to make our way through this thing we call “life”. I suppose for most of us who are parents there is no greater tie than the one between parent and child, which is why most of us find the potential loss of a child too difficult to even contemplate. But some – like my own parents – are forced to confront their worst fears when conjecture takes the form of a painful new reality when the child they thought they would surely outlive has tragically gone before them. One can never know the true meaning of resilience until he or she suffers the loss of a loved one that is inexorably and intricately woven into the very fiber of their being. The sudden, irrevocable loss unravels and tears at the fabric until it is altered beyond repair, and you are left to manage with what remains.
Then there are the ties to the people we call friends … those same souls who become a sort of ‘extended family’ who mind our vault of sacred knowledge about exploits and escapades that we wouldn’t dare share with people of common blood. These same people have seen us at our very worst, and yet they do not judge and wouldn’t dare criticize. They’ve already walked a mile in our shoes, so sometimes understanding is conveyed by a simple pat on the back or a hug that doesn’t require explanation. To put it into today’s frame of reference, these are the people who ‘have your back’. They pick you up when you are down, and they pull up a chair and help celebrate the good times. They know you for who you are and respect you for who you wish to become, and they are the ones you can turn to for honesty when the rest of the world will just tell you what you want to hear. Even though a considerable amount of time can pass without having crossed paths, instinctively you know they are always present the moment you need them, thus they make us independently wealthy, because they are ‘priceless’ possessions.
Then there are our partnerships. In business these are the people we depend upon to recognize our vision and help us to attain our goals. In so doing, we are called upon to place trust in individuals we might not otherwise relate to on a familial or social level. Over the course of our careers, we come to spend more waking and exhaustive hours with these people than we do our own families, and perhaps without even realizing it, eventually that’s just what they become, as only they share in our day-to-day struggles as we strive to climb up the ladder of success one shaky rung at a time. Perhaps that’s why so many couples are first formed at the workplace, because almost without even realizing it, you begin to share a form of intimacy that is difficult to share with another who hasn’t been there each and every step of the way. But speaking from experience, anyone who seeks solace in the form of a co-worker’s arms is only asking for a stage-5 disaster capable of wrecking both your private and professional lives in one fail swoop. As the campaign against drug use once said, “Don’t do it.” Within our government there is supposed to be a separation of church and state, therefore wouldn’t it be wise to declare a separation of public and private lives as a means to maintain some modicum of decency while sustaining peace overall?
Then there are the ‘unspoken’ ties that bind that take on a much more literal sense and were somewhat recently introduced to the mainstream through E. L. James’ wildly successful book titled “Fifty Shades of Grey”. BDSM has been a part of the counter culture for decades now, which is what fascinated me most when this trilogy was met with such shock and dismay upon its introduction to the public at large. People who actively choose to live varying degrees of the ‘lifestyle’ are as common as a trip to the dentist. Whether you are a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ or ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’ has little to do with traditional male/female roles, as either gender can define their respective roles according to their own tastes and tendencies, and those who subscribe to the lifestyle tend to enjoy long term, monogamous relationships, because they share a form of intimacy that does not supports secrets. Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of ‘kink’ I think that same level of commitment is something we should all aspire to achieve within our most important intimate relationship.
Finally there is your soulmate …. the person who is not necessarily like you, but rather compliments you as if you were two intricate jigsaw puzzle pieces that snap together perfectly, leaving no room for daylight to escape in between them. It’s my personal belief we all have one, though for some reason some of us fail to recognize him or her once they’re placed before us. I am fortunate, because I have recognized mine, and for me the attraction is so strong it’s almost intoxicating to the senses and more than just a little bit frightening, because it’s something like having been administered an epidural while I feel the ability to control my thoughts and movements suddenly stripped away from me as if I’ve been condemned a prisoner to my own desires. When survival mode kicked in, I fruitlessly tried to escape many times back to the place where I hoped to regain control, only to instantly snap back once my invisible bungee cord had stretched to its limits. My recent foray into online dating was one such attempt, but today I officially removed my profile and God help me if I ever decide to do something so foolish again.
Now that I know I can no longer control what my heart wants, I have no choice but to surrender to its compulsion by placing my faith in the one who has told me things like, “I love you beyond words,” and “I have loved you forever.” Perhaps I’ll even find control is highly overrated once I finally give into surrender by allowing myself to experience the one love God set aside just for me prior to my birth.
Then there are the ties to the people we call friends … those same souls who become a sort of ‘extended family’ who mind our vault of sacred knowledge about exploits and escapades that we wouldn’t dare share with people of common blood. These same people have seen us at our very worst, and yet they do not judge and wouldn’t dare criticize. They’ve already walked a mile in our shoes, so sometimes understanding is conveyed by a simple pat on the back or a hug that doesn’t require explanation. To put it into today’s frame of reference, these are the people who ‘have your back’. They pick you up when you are down, and they pull up a chair and help celebrate the good times. They know you for who you are and respect you for who you wish to become, and they are the ones you can turn to for honesty when the rest of the world will just tell you what you want to hear. Even though a considerable amount of time can pass without having crossed paths, instinctively you know they are always present the moment you need them, thus they make us independently wealthy, because they are ‘priceless’ possessions.
Then there are our partnerships. In business these are the people we depend upon to recognize our vision and help us to attain our goals. In so doing, we are called upon to place trust in individuals we might not otherwise relate to on a familial or social level. Over the course of our careers, we come to spend more waking and exhaustive hours with these people than we do our own families, and perhaps without even realizing it, eventually that’s just what they become, as only they share in our day-to-day struggles as we strive to climb up the ladder of success one shaky rung at a time. Perhaps that’s why so many couples are first formed at the workplace, because almost without even realizing it, you begin to share a form of intimacy that is difficult to share with another who hasn’t been there each and every step of the way. But speaking from experience, anyone who seeks solace in the form of a co-worker’s arms is only asking for a stage-5 disaster capable of wrecking both your private and professional lives in one fail swoop. As the campaign against drug use once said, “Don’t do it.” Within our government there is supposed to be a separation of church and state, therefore wouldn’t it be wise to declare a separation of public and private lives as a means to maintain some modicum of decency while sustaining peace overall?
Then there are the ‘unspoken’ ties that bind that take on a much more literal sense and were somewhat recently introduced to the mainstream through E. L. James’ wildly successful book titled “Fifty Shades of Grey”. BDSM has been a part of the counter culture for decades now, which is what fascinated me most when this trilogy was met with such shock and dismay upon its introduction to the public at large. People who actively choose to live varying degrees of the ‘lifestyle’ are as common as a trip to the dentist. Whether you are a ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ or ‘dominant’ or ‘submissive’ has little to do with traditional male/female roles, as either gender can define their respective roles according to their own tastes and tendencies, and those who subscribe to the lifestyle tend to enjoy long term, monogamous relationships, because they share a form of intimacy that does not supports secrets. Regardless of where you find yourself on the spectrum of ‘kink’ I think that same level of commitment is something we should all aspire to achieve within our most important intimate relationship.
Finally there is your soulmate …. the person who is not necessarily like you, but rather compliments you as if you were two intricate jigsaw puzzle pieces that snap together perfectly, leaving no room for daylight to escape in between them. It’s my personal belief we all have one, though for some reason some of us fail to recognize him or her once they’re placed before us. I am fortunate, because I have recognized mine, and for me the attraction is so strong it’s almost intoxicating to the senses and more than just a little bit frightening, because it’s something like having been administered an epidural while I feel the ability to control my thoughts and movements suddenly stripped away from me as if I’ve been condemned a prisoner to my own desires. When survival mode kicked in, I fruitlessly tried to escape many times back to the place where I hoped to regain control, only to instantly snap back once my invisible bungee cord had stretched to its limits. My recent foray into online dating was one such attempt, but today I officially removed my profile and God help me if I ever decide to do something so foolish again.
Now that I know I can no longer control what my heart wants, I have no choice but to surrender to its compulsion by placing my faith in the one who has told me things like, “I love you beyond words,” and “I have loved you forever.” Perhaps I’ll even find control is highly overrated once I finally give into surrender by allowing myself to experience the one love God set aside just for me prior to my birth.
April 7, 2014
The Near Extinction of Human Kindness ......
Today began like most any Monday. I was facing a week with an ambitious list of things I wanted to accomplish and wondering how I’m ever going to be able to squeeze it all in with less and less free time on my side. Nonetheless as I showered and dressed before leaving the house, I did what I always do by making a mental list in order to prioritize my schedule.
Somewhere near mid-morning, I began checking various sites I post on in order to tally the numbers, and accept new followers or friends – depending on the particular site’s terminology – and respond to any messages, when I was visually accosted by one of my so-called Facebook friends comment following yesterday’s post. First let me say this, when it comes to my work I have been fortunate to have developed an enormously ‘thick skin’ from years of being forced to put myself and my ideas forth in order to seek approval from a room full of strangers who possess neither loyalty or a sense of obligation when it comes to taking you at face value. Whether speaking from the vantage point of an interior designer or having written on any number of topics including relationships, pop culture, ideology, spirituality and even politics, my blog is and will always be ‘my forum’. It is opinion-based and does not seek to strike the balance between one view versus another on any given topic. It is based upon my own experience and observations, and I’m not seeking to ‘change’ anyone’s mind about the subjects I happen to address. I am not a politician.
It is however, my sincerest hope that some of you will draw some degree of enlightenment, or even encouragement. That you will not feel ‘alone’ or trapped within your own individual struggles by knowing that someone out there ….. ‘ namely me’ ….. does actually care about you and the world at large, and as such is perhaps foolish enough to believe that by raising the world’s consciousness, we can possibly avoid some of the collective pain prophesied about at length in the Bible, that Jesus – having been born to the human race – is just as relevant today as it was over two-thousand years ago, and that He gave us all the tools we need to lead happy, well-adjusted lives if we only implement them. And last of all, I hope some of you even discover some small degree of entertainment from having taken small steps on part of my journey along with me, but I digress …..
I am hardly an expert on my own life; therefore, I do not endeavor to tell anyone exactly how they should lead theirs. If I am anything, I am a ‘live and let live’ person, constantly struggling to accept and understand the people of this world for who they are while attempting to come to terms with what they believe in, even when it conflicts with my own personal belief system. However, today I was first told that I was “long-winded” and that my work was not being read by “too many people” and in the last and final private message once this individual realized I had ‘un-friended’ him for reasons I consider obvious ….. “U Little Tramp”.
I have one and only one Achilles heel in this life. That is and will always be my family. Should anyone dare to hurt one of them, then I promise I will come after them with a vengeance, and in this regard, I am not someone you wish to call your enemy …. enough said …. but incoherent ramblings of this nature that can only be described as mean-spirited and lacking in merit, and they will only serve to effectively close the door on what could otherwise have been described as a supportive friendship. Privately I had already counseled this individual through an unhappy point in his marriage and the loss of a close family member. Some months back, I even dedicated one of my posts to him, but no more …. I am done.
All of this long-winded dissertation is only to say, “How much effort does it take to be kind?” To say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to tell someone you hope their day is good, or to hold a door open for someone whose arms are full? Doesn’t it feel good to ‘let a few cars ease into traffic’ when you’re stopped at a stop light anyway? Is it really that hard to smile at someone who looks as if they’re having a bad day? Or to tell someone you ‘understand’ when you know they’re sad?
A couple months ago I was headed into Walmart on a cold and windy, rainy day. I was in a hurry …. I’m always in a hurry. As I made my way toward the entrance of the building, I spied in my left eye an elderly woman who was slow and opted to grab a buggy to support her frame in lieu of holding an umbrella over her head. At first I powered on past, but as I got three or four steps ahead, I thought, “I can’t do this.” Maybe it’s because I witness firsthand the struggles of my own elderly parents each day that I am particularly tender-hearted when it comes to the elderly, but I turned around and told her, “Let me hold my umbrella over your head until we get inside. I’m afraid you’ll catch pneumonia if I don’t.”
Of course she told me I didn’t have to, but I insisted. By the time we made it inside I was soaked, but I didn’t care. It was the happiest I’d been all day. Generosity in any form can’t help but make you feel good, and as a believer in karma, I like to think it comes back to you in kind. So I ask my readers – such that they are – to join me in the fight to keep ‘human kindness’ alive and thriving among our species. No donations are needed, only a gentle heart and an ability to care for other’s needs as well as your own. After all, your own survival may very well depend upon it.
Somewhere near mid-morning, I began checking various sites I post on in order to tally the numbers, and accept new followers or friends – depending on the particular site’s terminology – and respond to any messages, when I was visually accosted by one of my so-called Facebook friends comment following yesterday’s post. First let me say this, when it comes to my work I have been fortunate to have developed an enormously ‘thick skin’ from years of being forced to put myself and my ideas forth in order to seek approval from a room full of strangers who possess neither loyalty or a sense of obligation when it comes to taking you at face value. Whether speaking from the vantage point of an interior designer or having written on any number of topics including relationships, pop culture, ideology, spirituality and even politics, my blog is and will always be ‘my forum’. It is opinion-based and does not seek to strike the balance between one view versus another on any given topic. It is based upon my own experience and observations, and I’m not seeking to ‘change’ anyone’s mind about the subjects I happen to address. I am not a politician.
It is however, my sincerest hope that some of you will draw some degree of enlightenment, or even encouragement. That you will not feel ‘alone’ or trapped within your own individual struggles by knowing that someone out there ….. ‘ namely me’ ….. does actually care about you and the world at large, and as such is perhaps foolish enough to believe that by raising the world’s consciousness, we can possibly avoid some of the collective pain prophesied about at length in the Bible, that Jesus – having been born to the human race – is just as relevant today as it was over two-thousand years ago, and that He gave us all the tools we need to lead happy, well-adjusted lives if we only implement them. And last of all, I hope some of you even discover some small degree of entertainment from having taken small steps on part of my journey along with me, but I digress …..
I am hardly an expert on my own life; therefore, I do not endeavor to tell anyone exactly how they should lead theirs. If I am anything, I am a ‘live and let live’ person, constantly struggling to accept and understand the people of this world for who they are while attempting to come to terms with what they believe in, even when it conflicts with my own personal belief system. However, today I was first told that I was “long-winded” and that my work was not being read by “too many people” and in the last and final private message once this individual realized I had ‘un-friended’ him for reasons I consider obvious ….. “U Little Tramp”.
I have one and only one Achilles heel in this life. That is and will always be my family. Should anyone dare to hurt one of them, then I promise I will come after them with a vengeance, and in this regard, I am not someone you wish to call your enemy …. enough said …. but incoherent ramblings of this nature that can only be described as mean-spirited and lacking in merit, and they will only serve to effectively close the door on what could otherwise have been described as a supportive friendship. Privately I had already counseled this individual through an unhappy point in his marriage and the loss of a close family member. Some months back, I even dedicated one of my posts to him, but no more …. I am done.
All of this long-winded dissertation is only to say, “How much effort does it take to be kind?” To say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to tell someone you hope their day is good, or to hold a door open for someone whose arms are full? Doesn’t it feel good to ‘let a few cars ease into traffic’ when you’re stopped at a stop light anyway? Is it really that hard to smile at someone who looks as if they’re having a bad day? Or to tell someone you ‘understand’ when you know they’re sad?
A couple months ago I was headed into Walmart on a cold and windy, rainy day. I was in a hurry …. I’m always in a hurry. As I made my way toward the entrance of the building, I spied in my left eye an elderly woman who was slow and opted to grab a buggy to support her frame in lieu of holding an umbrella over her head. At first I powered on past, but as I got three or four steps ahead, I thought, “I can’t do this.” Maybe it’s because I witness firsthand the struggles of my own elderly parents each day that I am particularly tender-hearted when it comes to the elderly, but I turned around and told her, “Let me hold my umbrella over your head until we get inside. I’m afraid you’ll catch pneumonia if I don’t.”
Of course she told me I didn’t have to, but I insisted. By the time we made it inside I was soaked, but I didn’t care. It was the happiest I’d been all day. Generosity in any form can’t help but make you feel good, and as a believer in karma, I like to think it comes back to you in kind. So I ask my readers – such that they are – to join me in the fight to keep ‘human kindness’ alive and thriving among our species. No donations are needed, only a gentle heart and an ability to care for other’s needs as well as your own. After all, your own survival may very well depend upon it.
April 6, 2014
The Newest Bar Scene ......
I hate to admit it, because initially I had such high hopes, but it’s beginning to feel like this particular online dating site is nothing more than a bar with the added convenience of being able to take a seat from the comfort of your own home ….. or anywhere else technology is permitted. At least sites like Match.com and eHarmony require you to fill out exhaustive pages of questionnaires – which at first glance seem like a royal pain – but in reality forces you to get in touch with yourself and what it is you’re looking for in a potential match. Zoosk, however, allows you to be up and running with far less effort in that they only allow you a very limited amount of space to convey your thoughts about yourself and what it is you’re seeking in a partner, but this is not why I signed up for Zoosk. I did so, because when I did an initial online search for the most popular dating site, Zoosk landed at the top of the list. So I signed up for a thirty-day trial in order to see what the buzz was about.
For the un- indoctrinated, this site is more or less an online chat room. You download their version of Messenger, and whenever you go online for ‘any’ purpose whatsoever, other members are instantly made aware of your online status. So forget the fact that most of my work is done online these days and when I’m in that mode, my last objective is to be put on display. Nonetheless I am constantly bombarded with pop-up windows for chat requests, winks and messages of varying lengths and degrees. Don’t get me wrong …. the vast majority of gentleman are both kind and respectful, and many are just lonely individuals reaching out to others at a distance in an effort to fill that void, but this is not ‘me’. I am far too busy to go about dating in any typical sense, and therefore sought this site as a means of cutting through the kind of red tape involved in serial dating, but this site has just managed to add to my already overwhelming sense of responsibility by giving me that much more to do within the course of my day.
Moreover, the sense of aggression some men exhibit under the cover of communicating online equates with that guy who has sat in a bar for several hours and managed to down a half a dozen or more mixed drinks. Thus now I have the advantage of being able to feel objectified without ever having to leave home. In conclusion, if my thirty-day experiment manages to make it past ten, then even I will be surprised.
In the end I suppose I remain a believer in the online dating experience as a means to expose – and I use that word figuratively – yourself to people you might otherwise never have the ability to meet, but my advice would be to ‘go the distance’ by actually taking the time to fill out the questionnaires, and then be willing to jump through the various hoops of answering the five questions back and forth in order to ‘test your compatibility’ prior to moving to the level of speaking in real time. I suppose that’s why both Match and eHarmony can claim such high rates of success to begin with.
As for me, my story may still have that chance at a fairytale ending ….. following several of weeks of not communicating at all, my ex and I had a lovely, hour-long talk last night, and it seems those fires still burn bright on both sides …… and though no one can know the future, at least I feel more hopeful than I have in weeks.
For the un- indoctrinated, this site is more or less an online chat room. You download their version of Messenger, and whenever you go online for ‘any’ purpose whatsoever, other members are instantly made aware of your online status. So forget the fact that most of my work is done online these days and when I’m in that mode, my last objective is to be put on display. Nonetheless I am constantly bombarded with pop-up windows for chat requests, winks and messages of varying lengths and degrees. Don’t get me wrong …. the vast majority of gentleman are both kind and respectful, and many are just lonely individuals reaching out to others at a distance in an effort to fill that void, but this is not ‘me’. I am far too busy to go about dating in any typical sense, and therefore sought this site as a means of cutting through the kind of red tape involved in serial dating, but this site has just managed to add to my already overwhelming sense of responsibility by giving me that much more to do within the course of my day.
Moreover, the sense of aggression some men exhibit under the cover of communicating online equates with that guy who has sat in a bar for several hours and managed to down a half a dozen or more mixed drinks. Thus now I have the advantage of being able to feel objectified without ever having to leave home. In conclusion, if my thirty-day experiment manages to make it past ten, then even I will be surprised.
In the end I suppose I remain a believer in the online dating experience as a means to expose – and I use that word figuratively – yourself to people you might otherwise never have the ability to meet, but my advice would be to ‘go the distance’ by actually taking the time to fill out the questionnaires, and then be willing to jump through the various hoops of answering the five questions back and forth in order to ‘test your compatibility’ prior to moving to the level of speaking in real time. I suppose that’s why both Match and eHarmony can claim such high rates of success to begin with.
As for me, my story may still have that chance at a fairytale ending ….. following several of weeks of not communicating at all, my ex and I had a lovely, hour-long talk last night, and it seems those fires still burn bright on both sides …… and though no one can know the future, at least I feel more hopeful than I have in weeks.
April 3, 2014
What A Girl Wants .......
I’ve decided to remain on my current wavelength of online dating, because it’s front and center within my own thinking, and it’s provided me with a wealth of information about men in general, as well as something about what it is they are looking for in terms of a potential partner. I must say overall I’ve not received but one inappropriate comment out of literally hundreds, and even then I would like to think the gentleman in question was attempting to pay me a compliment, but he definitely could have benefited from a little editorial advice.
Within my ongoing quest to understand men better that I might discover who is best suited for me in terms of a long-term relationship, I’ve come to an understanding that men – though very different from women – are typically seeking the same kinds of things we are in a relationship ….. honesty, loyalty and commitment all nicely tied up in a pretty package that is capable of loving him – in spite of his faults – for the long haul. They want someone who is supportive, who has common interests, who can fold into their lives somewhat seamlessly and is capable of sustaining a relationship without the kind of drama that has ruined their previous relationships. Finally, they want someone capable of appreciating the man they’ve become without feeling the necessity of trying to mold him into some perceived ideal. Past forty, it’s beneficial for both women and men to understand we are who we are – oftentimes for reasons beyond our control – and the likelihood of substantial change on any level is remote at best.
I have seen these same themes resonate in as many varied number of ways as there are men who have strived to write a decent profile about who it is they are and what it is they seek in a partner. Some people will always be better at conveying their feelings through words than others – while some are clever, others are almost poetic in verse – and I know those who struggle must sometimes feel at a loss, but they shouldn’t, as sincerity always has a discernable way of bubbling to the surface when one’s words come from the heart. As such, I have gained a deeper level of appreciation for the fact that it’s not just women who seek intimacy in a relationship, but men as well.
It is here I have to separate myself from my male counterparts, because speaking as a woman, I can only tell a woman’s point of view. Once again I have to go back decades to where it all began for me when my first understanding of ‘intimacy’ came as a result of experiencing a sexual relationship. I was young – too young – but if innocence counts as a form of purity, I ended up marrying the young man and stayed married to him for twenty-five years. I’m sure it wasn’t the best experience for either of us, for one can never be more naïve and somewhat ignorant of the ways of the world than when they are first approaching adulthood. We had some good times, but we also had an abundance of struggles, and eventually what started out as young love and infatuation, disintegrated into a form of tolerated apathy. It ended dreadfully, but years later I know that we ‘both’ are better for having endured that final struggle toward freedom.
Therefore, I suppose it wasn’t until my mid-forties that I came to understand the kind of intimacy women experience that leads to a deeper form of trust capable of producing a life-altering erotic experience, actually begins with the small things, and like symphony music crescendos as passion builds. Any man – regardless of his looks, degree of intelligence or way with romance – is capable of achieving this with the woman he loves if he is willing to make the effort. It starts with a willingness to hold her hand while you’re out in public, because this tells everyone you’re proud she is ‘yours’ and as a result, you make her feel both beautiful and safe. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with what one might consider a rather ‘plain’ guy and wonder what she sees in him? For the most part, it’s not because he has money, but rather the fact that he makes her ‘feel’ better than anyone else ever has before.
The next thing you do is look into her eyes when she’s speaking to you, as if every word she utters is of some importance to you, because more than likely that’s the way she felt about you almost from the very beginning. Open doors for her, and place your hand on the small of her back as you escort her into a room. Chivalry is only dead to those who stopped caring about the need to impress someone they love.
And sometimes when she’s busy, quietly come up from behind her and gently squeeze her by the arms while you kiss her on the back of her neck, and I’ll guarantee you’ll send shivers up her spine and plant the desire for greater intimacy later on that same day. All of these things combined will have her obsessing about the numbers of ways she can gather your attention, whether that’s by wearing something smart and sexy, cooking your favorite meal or surprising you with something completely unexpected that she knows you will love. Most women I know love to please their men …. they just want to feel appreciated within the process.
I’m not saying there’s not both a time and place for sweeping gestures and overt sexuality, and that these things too can’t lead to some rather delightful experiences, but alone they will not lead to the kind of intimacy that will keep passion’s fires burning hot for many years to come. Sex and sexuality are two of life’s great leveling factors in that you need not be wealthy or beautiful to experience these things at the highest level of satisfaction. You just need a willingness to get to know your partner better than anyone else ever has and then protect that intimate knowledge as if it’s your most prized possession. Sure it takes both effort and practice, but the potential rewards are nothing less than priceless.
Within my ongoing quest to understand men better that I might discover who is best suited for me in terms of a long-term relationship, I’ve come to an understanding that men – though very different from women – are typically seeking the same kinds of things we are in a relationship ….. honesty, loyalty and commitment all nicely tied up in a pretty package that is capable of loving him – in spite of his faults – for the long haul. They want someone who is supportive, who has common interests, who can fold into their lives somewhat seamlessly and is capable of sustaining a relationship without the kind of drama that has ruined their previous relationships. Finally, they want someone capable of appreciating the man they’ve become without feeling the necessity of trying to mold him into some perceived ideal. Past forty, it’s beneficial for both women and men to understand we are who we are – oftentimes for reasons beyond our control – and the likelihood of substantial change on any level is remote at best.
I have seen these same themes resonate in as many varied number of ways as there are men who have strived to write a decent profile about who it is they are and what it is they seek in a partner. Some people will always be better at conveying their feelings through words than others – while some are clever, others are almost poetic in verse – and I know those who struggle must sometimes feel at a loss, but they shouldn’t, as sincerity always has a discernable way of bubbling to the surface when one’s words come from the heart. As such, I have gained a deeper level of appreciation for the fact that it’s not just women who seek intimacy in a relationship, but men as well.
It is here I have to separate myself from my male counterparts, because speaking as a woman, I can only tell a woman’s point of view. Once again I have to go back decades to where it all began for me when my first understanding of ‘intimacy’ came as a result of experiencing a sexual relationship. I was young – too young – but if innocence counts as a form of purity, I ended up marrying the young man and stayed married to him for twenty-five years. I’m sure it wasn’t the best experience for either of us, for one can never be more naïve and somewhat ignorant of the ways of the world than when they are first approaching adulthood. We had some good times, but we also had an abundance of struggles, and eventually what started out as young love and infatuation, disintegrated into a form of tolerated apathy. It ended dreadfully, but years later I know that we ‘both’ are better for having endured that final struggle toward freedom.
Therefore, I suppose it wasn’t until my mid-forties that I came to understand the kind of intimacy women experience that leads to a deeper form of trust capable of producing a life-altering erotic experience, actually begins with the small things, and like symphony music crescendos as passion builds. Any man – regardless of his looks, degree of intelligence or way with romance – is capable of achieving this with the woman he loves if he is willing to make the effort. It starts with a willingness to hold her hand while you’re out in public, because this tells everyone you’re proud she is ‘yours’ and as a result, you make her feel both beautiful and safe. Have you ever seen a beautiful woman with what one might consider a rather ‘plain’ guy and wonder what she sees in him? For the most part, it’s not because he has money, but rather the fact that he makes her ‘feel’ better than anyone else ever has before.
The next thing you do is look into her eyes when she’s speaking to you, as if every word she utters is of some importance to you, because more than likely that’s the way she felt about you almost from the very beginning. Open doors for her, and place your hand on the small of her back as you escort her into a room. Chivalry is only dead to those who stopped caring about the need to impress someone they love.
And sometimes when she’s busy, quietly come up from behind her and gently squeeze her by the arms while you kiss her on the back of her neck, and I’ll guarantee you’ll send shivers up her spine and plant the desire for greater intimacy later on that same day. All of these things combined will have her obsessing about the numbers of ways she can gather your attention, whether that’s by wearing something smart and sexy, cooking your favorite meal or surprising you with something completely unexpected that she knows you will love. Most women I know love to please their men …. they just want to feel appreciated within the process.
I’m not saying there’s not both a time and place for sweeping gestures and overt sexuality, and that these things too can’t lead to some rather delightful experiences, but alone they will not lead to the kind of intimacy that will keep passion’s fires burning hot for many years to come. Sex and sexuality are two of life’s great leveling factors in that you need not be wealthy or beautiful to experience these things at the highest level of satisfaction. You just need a willingness to get to know your partner better than anyone else ever has and then protect that intimate knowledge as if it’s your most prized possession. Sure it takes both effort and practice, but the potential rewards are nothing less than priceless.
A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author .....
I could talk about my work. In fact I'm more than happy to discuss topics related to my writing as it is my passion. Therefore, if you have a question or comment I beg you to put it forth and you will
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