Joyce M. Stacks's Blog: A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author ....., page 3
July 14, 2014
Technical Difficulties .... in the Pursuit of Happiness
It appears that happiness is becoming more and more of an elusive concept these days …. with technology’s current domination, we have become spoiled – even addicted – to having unlimited access to information, communication and the storage of all our pertinent data on a device small enough to hold in our hands. What can’t be stored there is off floating somewhere in cyberspace in something eloquently titled a ‘cloud’ only not the kinds that tend to determine approaching weather patterns. Thus life for the vast majority of us is played out at warp speed whereupon our own personal expectations seldom actually line up with the demands and expectancies of others whose lives we interact with on a daily basis. Whether personal or professional – everyone seems to want too much from us these days.
It’s no wonder why there’s so much disenchantment in the world. As one’s dependency on any addiction tends to escalate over the course of time, we find ourselves almost resentful of the multitude of needs, wants and desires that often go unfulfilled …. Why didn’t you call if you were going to be working late? Why wasn’t I copied on that memo? I expected that report last week! Why didn’t you return my text? The multiplicity of questions that beg answers from each and every one of us on a daily basis seems never ending, and with so much pressure constantly weighing us down, it’s almost impossible some days to experience any real contentment for any sustained length of time.
The way I see it, the problem with our continuing struggle for ‘connectivity’ more often than not undermines our ‘interconnectedness’ as human beings. As we continuously search for attention-grabbing photo ops to post on Facebook and Instagram then go on to try and think of something witty and concise to relate in 140 characters or less on Twitter in order to serve as documentation for a perceived interesting life, we have almost forgotten how to relate to one another in much more personal and meaningful fashion designed to build trust, fidelity and loyalty within our most important relationships. Thus as we continue to struggle to assert our strength and independence through the misuse of our various technical devices, we risk losing touch with an ever-present reality intended to enrich the very fabric of our lives.
Sometimes a ‘pat on the back’ for a job well done needs to be just that …. an actual pat from one hand strategically placed on the shoulder blade of another combined with a genuine expression of gratitude, and sometimes working late should not be considered an option when there’s someone else waiting at home who would give her world just to see you walk through the door. Oftentimes making an actual appearance has the power to accomplish ten times what otherwise might have been effectively ‘phoned-in’. It’s been my experience that more and more people are hungry – perhaps even starving at this point – for the kind of close, intimate interactions they once knew as a child and often cling to in the form of seeking nostalgia whenever possible.
I realize in many ways I’m ‘outdated’. Trying to come to grips with a world run by technology and those who actually understand it, I still tend to do most of my writing with pencil and paper, just like as a designer I preferred my hand-drawings as opposed to slick, impressive AutoCAD produced sets. It was my art, and I was proud of it. Like a sculptor who works with clay, I still feel the need to get my hands a little dirty when trying to lose myself within the creative process …. at least before I transfer it all into a Word document so that it can be posted online.
In this regard, technology is a wonderful thing, as it enables each of us to reach out to people in ways we would never have opportunity to do otherwise, and when that same opportunity is withheld, even a neophyte like me can go stark, raving mad in the process. Case in point …. yesterday afternoon for no apparent reason I lost my Wi-Fi. Two and one half grueling hours later, with the help of a wonderfully patient, English-speaking tech advisor, it was back up and running. Although elated, I was also completely wiped out – both mentally and physically – wondering to myself the whole time, “Who gets this stuff?” Thus the concept of ‘easy’ relates much better in the mind of one who’s hard-wired much differently than me.
In the end, no matter how many cool, hip devices we manage to accumulate while laying down countless hard-earned dollars in the name of remaining current, we best remember within our respective pursuits of happiness we will never be able to replace the impact naturally embedded in simple human contact. Despite an ever-changing world that constantly taxes all of our brains it is the one thing that cannot otherwise be duplicated, because it is simply irreplaceable.
…. Putting Technology in its Proper Place ….
It’s no wonder why there’s so much disenchantment in the world. As one’s dependency on any addiction tends to escalate over the course of time, we find ourselves almost resentful of the multitude of needs, wants and desires that often go unfulfilled …. Why didn’t you call if you were going to be working late? Why wasn’t I copied on that memo? I expected that report last week! Why didn’t you return my text? The multiplicity of questions that beg answers from each and every one of us on a daily basis seems never ending, and with so much pressure constantly weighing us down, it’s almost impossible some days to experience any real contentment for any sustained length of time.
The way I see it, the problem with our continuing struggle for ‘connectivity’ more often than not undermines our ‘interconnectedness’ as human beings. As we continuously search for attention-grabbing photo ops to post on Facebook and Instagram then go on to try and think of something witty and concise to relate in 140 characters or less on Twitter in order to serve as documentation for a perceived interesting life, we have almost forgotten how to relate to one another in much more personal and meaningful fashion designed to build trust, fidelity and loyalty within our most important relationships. Thus as we continue to struggle to assert our strength and independence through the misuse of our various technical devices, we risk losing touch with an ever-present reality intended to enrich the very fabric of our lives.
Sometimes a ‘pat on the back’ for a job well done needs to be just that …. an actual pat from one hand strategically placed on the shoulder blade of another combined with a genuine expression of gratitude, and sometimes working late should not be considered an option when there’s someone else waiting at home who would give her world just to see you walk through the door. Oftentimes making an actual appearance has the power to accomplish ten times what otherwise might have been effectively ‘phoned-in’. It’s been my experience that more and more people are hungry – perhaps even starving at this point – for the kind of close, intimate interactions they once knew as a child and often cling to in the form of seeking nostalgia whenever possible.
I realize in many ways I’m ‘outdated’. Trying to come to grips with a world run by technology and those who actually understand it, I still tend to do most of my writing with pencil and paper, just like as a designer I preferred my hand-drawings as opposed to slick, impressive AutoCAD produced sets. It was my art, and I was proud of it. Like a sculptor who works with clay, I still feel the need to get my hands a little dirty when trying to lose myself within the creative process …. at least before I transfer it all into a Word document so that it can be posted online.
In this regard, technology is a wonderful thing, as it enables each of us to reach out to people in ways we would never have opportunity to do otherwise, and when that same opportunity is withheld, even a neophyte like me can go stark, raving mad in the process. Case in point …. yesterday afternoon for no apparent reason I lost my Wi-Fi. Two and one half grueling hours later, with the help of a wonderfully patient, English-speaking tech advisor, it was back up and running. Although elated, I was also completely wiped out – both mentally and physically – wondering to myself the whole time, “Who gets this stuff?” Thus the concept of ‘easy’ relates much better in the mind of one who’s hard-wired much differently than me.
In the end, no matter how many cool, hip devices we manage to accumulate while laying down countless hard-earned dollars in the name of remaining current, we best remember within our respective pursuits of happiness we will never be able to replace the impact naturally embedded in simple human contact. Despite an ever-changing world that constantly taxes all of our brains it is the one thing that cannot otherwise be duplicated, because it is simply irreplaceable.
…. Putting Technology in its Proper Place ….
July 9, 2014
The Divine Secrets of the 'Local' Ya Ya Sisterhood ......
Yesterday evening I was fortunate to enjoy having dinner with four of my girlfriends from high school and was instantly reminded just how divine sisterhood can be. It’s been almost forty years now since we exhibited all the classical signs of what it means to be awkward teenagers struggling to come to terms with an as yet unrefined ‘sense of identity’ in terms of who we were, much less who we wished to become. However, as I sat amongst them last night, it became abundantly clear that we – as individuals – had all managed to contribute greatly to making this world a better place by doing things like teaching children with special needs and being there for a brother with some rather unique needs of his own, even if that meant traveling far outside her comfort zone.
Another one of our group has invested the last twenty years of her career helping to educate, guide and direct young women just barely on the brink of going out into the world to make their on indelible mark on society, while another – our classic Mississippi Belle – who makes the world a more beautiful place the moment she enters a room, has enjoyed a successful career as an interior designer, tirelessly working with clients to insure their surroundings were indeed as beautiful as they deserved. Then there’s the fourth among our group, the one whose face is so full of God’s grace, that a gentle smile or the soft touch of a reassuring hand can’t help but warm you all over. She, along with her husband and children, help define what it means to be a loving and supportive family in spite of the pressures incumbent in everyday life. And finally there’s me – the closest academic – who endeavors to make society a better place – one reader at a time – by offering up my insights and observations about the world around me whenever I think there might be some grain of wisdom there that might serve to help another who’s struggling through a difficult time.
Together we count as mothers and grandmothers, married and divorced, single but in committed relationships, as well as Republicans and Democrats who break all the rules by managing to break bread while still getting along just fine, because we accept one another for who we are and what we believe without questioning the wisdom of the other’s choices. We are bound by the fact that we are all sister warriors who continue to fight the good fight each and every day of our lives as we struggle to come to terms with the constant changes brought about with the passage of time. Petty jealousies and rivalries have long since been replaced with something much more valuable in the form of a loving hearts that understand childhood games are best only when played by children. We may have started out our journey together as flexible, green saplings whose opinions and loyalties could easily be swayed with a gentle breeze, but we have all grown into formidable women who are strong enough to bear children while being gentle enough to dry their tears.
Together we comprised the Rebel, the Ingénue, the Eternal Optimist, the Epitome of Grace and and me - the Closet Academic – who was also the most blessed of all to be fortunate enough to count these women among my closest friends. We may not see or speak to one another every single day, but to me a friend is defined not by quantity of time spent in each other’s presence, but by quality of time spent together when we manage to leave the rest of the world behind. Separately we oftentimes accomplish things others might consider great – or at least admirable – but together we still had enough spunk left in us to dub ourselves the Triple B’s …. or rather, Bad Bucket Bunnies.
Although the consensus among our group was that we admire everything the Bucket List Bunnies have accomplished through combining together to create their own sorority of women devoted to regular fellowship and exploring life’s mysteries as a group, but we’ve worked way too hard in areas of education and business to want to be identified with a label that once objectified women solely as sex objects, or for that matter even placing our ‘wish list’ on something titled a ‘bucket list’ as if we were running out of time to accomplish all the things we still want to do in this life. We may be over fifty, but we’re definitely not over the hill. All that said, I do wish them every success and happiness in life, because time flies by way too quickly to just sit around waiting for something to happen. As for me, for now I’m content with just being called one of the girls.
Another one of our group has invested the last twenty years of her career helping to educate, guide and direct young women just barely on the brink of going out into the world to make their on indelible mark on society, while another – our classic Mississippi Belle – who makes the world a more beautiful place the moment she enters a room, has enjoyed a successful career as an interior designer, tirelessly working with clients to insure their surroundings were indeed as beautiful as they deserved. Then there’s the fourth among our group, the one whose face is so full of God’s grace, that a gentle smile or the soft touch of a reassuring hand can’t help but warm you all over. She, along with her husband and children, help define what it means to be a loving and supportive family in spite of the pressures incumbent in everyday life. And finally there’s me – the closest academic – who endeavors to make society a better place – one reader at a time – by offering up my insights and observations about the world around me whenever I think there might be some grain of wisdom there that might serve to help another who’s struggling through a difficult time.
Together we count as mothers and grandmothers, married and divorced, single but in committed relationships, as well as Republicans and Democrats who break all the rules by managing to break bread while still getting along just fine, because we accept one another for who we are and what we believe without questioning the wisdom of the other’s choices. We are bound by the fact that we are all sister warriors who continue to fight the good fight each and every day of our lives as we struggle to come to terms with the constant changes brought about with the passage of time. Petty jealousies and rivalries have long since been replaced with something much more valuable in the form of a loving hearts that understand childhood games are best only when played by children. We may have started out our journey together as flexible, green saplings whose opinions and loyalties could easily be swayed with a gentle breeze, but we have all grown into formidable women who are strong enough to bear children while being gentle enough to dry their tears.
Together we comprised the Rebel, the Ingénue, the Eternal Optimist, the Epitome of Grace and and me - the Closet Academic – who was also the most blessed of all to be fortunate enough to count these women among my closest friends. We may not see or speak to one another every single day, but to me a friend is defined not by quantity of time spent in each other’s presence, but by quality of time spent together when we manage to leave the rest of the world behind. Separately we oftentimes accomplish things others might consider great – or at least admirable – but together we still had enough spunk left in us to dub ourselves the Triple B’s …. or rather, Bad Bucket Bunnies.
Although the consensus among our group was that we admire everything the Bucket List Bunnies have accomplished through combining together to create their own sorority of women devoted to regular fellowship and exploring life’s mysteries as a group, but we’ve worked way too hard in areas of education and business to want to be identified with a label that once objectified women solely as sex objects, or for that matter even placing our ‘wish list’ on something titled a ‘bucket list’ as if we were running out of time to accomplish all the things we still want to do in this life. We may be over fifty, but we’re definitely not over the hill. All that said, I do wish them every success and happiness in life, because time flies by way too quickly to just sit around waiting for something to happen. As for me, for now I’m content with just being called one of the girls.
July 7, 2014
It's Not You, It's Me ......
Coming off of a less than stellar weekend – the actual holiday withstanding – and grieving over my latest relationship woes, I’ve been forced to go deep inside myself to do the work of a pathologist in an effort to determine what brought about my most recent demise, and it would seem the unfortunate cause of death appears to be directly related to me, my own thoughts and actions. Whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s always easier to blame your partner whenever a breakdown leads to a break-up, but if we are to learn anything worth taking forward, then we must be willing to take responsibility for our own part in the totality of what went wrong.
I suppose my greatest fear could be likened to the same way a severed spinal cord leaves its victim permanently paralyzed, I may have suffered too much in love over the years through my various attempts at relationships to ever be able to sustain a healthy one for too long. I try …. God knows I try, but fears related to abandonment, verbal abuse and abject dishonesty haunt me on a somewhat regular basis, and although I tell myself it’s unfair to project the sins of one onto another, it’s impossible not to once I detect any form of questionable behavior. It’s as if I’m perpetually waiting for that other shoe to drop or at least an unpleasant surprise that catches me completely off guard and sends me spiraling into despair.
Therefore, in order to protect my heart from almost unbearable pain, I effectively turn in my notice with the intention of immediate departure while I still have some semblance of pride and dignity still left intact. As such, I’ve developed my own terminology for this malady, i.e. I am an emotional cutter: though painful – one who must be the first to sever all ties in a relationship before those ties can be severed with her. This way I am the one in control of how much pain is suffered and when.
I suppose that makes me something of a masochist, but then aren’t all cutters masochistic? Don’t we all need to suffer just a little in order to feel truly alive? Or at the very least it is a coping mechanism designed for handling a wave of unpleasant emotions that threaten to take me to a place so dark, I fear I may not be able to find my way back home again.
At the very minimum I’ve come to understand that I expect too much ….. love, honesty and the kind of deep connection with one other human being that is impenetrable – and therefore safe – from the outside forces that might seek to infiltrate, plant seeds of doubt and eventually bring about ruination. But most of all I expect a partner who remains present in my life because he wants to be and not because he’s been badgered into it. It sure seems like a lot when I write it all down, but then I’m willing to give something in return in the form of my complete and total devotion to making his world a better place than it’s ever been …. to support his dreams as if they were my own, to always have his back, to give him freedom when he needs it, and to serve his needs alone while remaining faithful in all I think, say and do.
Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned and traditional relationships aren’t really possible anymore. Maybe I’m just too old, as statistics don’t give me actually finding true love much of a fighting chance. Maybe I’m better off alone, because then I can’t hurt anybody, and nobody can hurt me anymore. I’d like to think it was still possible, but even at this point I’d rather not settle for anything less than my dreams ….if I can’t feel butterflies every time he walks in a room, then it’s just not happening.
I apologize for my miserable tone, but these are the emotions I’m endeavoring to work through on this day, and I am nothing if not authentic, even to the point of putting my cra cra out there. So for now I’ll adopt a Scarlett O’Hara attitude – quite possibly my favorite of all Southern Belles – by reminding myself, “Tomorrow is another day.”
I suppose my greatest fear could be likened to the same way a severed spinal cord leaves its victim permanently paralyzed, I may have suffered too much in love over the years through my various attempts at relationships to ever be able to sustain a healthy one for too long. I try …. God knows I try, but fears related to abandonment, verbal abuse and abject dishonesty haunt me on a somewhat regular basis, and although I tell myself it’s unfair to project the sins of one onto another, it’s impossible not to once I detect any form of questionable behavior. It’s as if I’m perpetually waiting for that other shoe to drop or at least an unpleasant surprise that catches me completely off guard and sends me spiraling into despair.
Therefore, in order to protect my heart from almost unbearable pain, I effectively turn in my notice with the intention of immediate departure while I still have some semblance of pride and dignity still left intact. As such, I’ve developed my own terminology for this malady, i.e. I am an emotional cutter: though painful – one who must be the first to sever all ties in a relationship before those ties can be severed with her. This way I am the one in control of how much pain is suffered and when.
I suppose that makes me something of a masochist, but then aren’t all cutters masochistic? Don’t we all need to suffer just a little in order to feel truly alive? Or at the very least it is a coping mechanism designed for handling a wave of unpleasant emotions that threaten to take me to a place so dark, I fear I may not be able to find my way back home again.
At the very minimum I’ve come to understand that I expect too much ….. love, honesty and the kind of deep connection with one other human being that is impenetrable – and therefore safe – from the outside forces that might seek to infiltrate, plant seeds of doubt and eventually bring about ruination. But most of all I expect a partner who remains present in my life because he wants to be and not because he’s been badgered into it. It sure seems like a lot when I write it all down, but then I’m willing to give something in return in the form of my complete and total devotion to making his world a better place than it’s ever been …. to support his dreams as if they were my own, to always have his back, to give him freedom when he needs it, and to serve his needs alone while remaining faithful in all I think, say and do.
Maybe I’m just too old-fashioned and traditional relationships aren’t really possible anymore. Maybe I’m just too old, as statistics don’t give me actually finding true love much of a fighting chance. Maybe I’m better off alone, because then I can’t hurt anybody, and nobody can hurt me anymore. I’d like to think it was still possible, but even at this point I’d rather not settle for anything less than my dreams ….if I can’t feel butterflies every time he walks in a room, then it’s just not happening.
I apologize for my miserable tone, but these are the emotions I’m endeavoring to work through on this day, and I am nothing if not authentic, even to the point of putting my cra cra out there. So for now I’ll adopt a Scarlett O’Hara attitude – quite possibly my favorite of all Southern Belles – by reminding myself, “Tomorrow is another day.”
July 6, 2014
Winning at All Costs ......
We Americans love winning …. from a very young age, we are encouraged to join teams built around sports, cheerleading, debate and singing. Just turn on network television most any night of the week and you’ll find competition dominates the airwaves, from talent competitions like American Idol, The Voice and America’s Got Talent, to dance competitions like Dancing With the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance. Then there are those shows that test a competitor’s psychological and mental acuity in addition to physical endurance like Survivor, The Amazing Race and Big Brother, and of course we also compete for the opportunity to experience ‘true love’ through shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette just to name a few.
We in this country are absolutely so addicted to winning, that even when the USA lost to Germany during the recent World Cup, we made it a win by virtue of the fact that we could go on to play Belgium. Winning has become the national obsession as opposed to the national pastime, and women and men alike have taken that competitive spirit from sports arenas to the boardrooms and in some cases even the bedroom. It doesn’t seem to matter anymore whether or not you like to ‘play’ on top or bottom, as long as you come out on top in the end, but has this preoccupation with winning helped to create those dreaded ‘toxic relationships’ we’d all sooner avoid? You know the ones …. those that test your endurance – as well as your patience – and eventually turn you into some version of yourself that even you cannot stand to be with, much less love.
As members of the opposite sex, men and women often compete for the same jobs, though men as a whole are still winning that battle, but women are consistently making impressive gains in the ongoing ground war in areas like technology, industry, communication and politics. Within the entertainment industry, performers are constantly being called upon to don their finest threads and walk the red carpet in order to witness who takes home the grand prize when it comes to Oscar, Emmy, or the Grammys among so many others. Those of us who lead less stellar lives – who in Great Britain might otherwise be referred to as ‘commoners’ – occasionally get caught up in a celebrity’s apparent ‘fall from grace’ if only to one day celebrate their subsequent recovery.
But the question I would like to put forth is this …. “Have we become so obsessed with the whole concept of winning that we’re willing to sacrifice way too much in the process?”
Take our most personal relationships for instance, men and women everywhere are in a constant tug-of-war, oftentimes refusing to communicate what’s really on their minds and opting instead to remain distant and unresponsive to the most basic needs of their partner in order to maintain the outward appearance as the one who’s ‘in control’ or winning the test of wills. But the problem with this tactic is that at some point the more submissive partner will inevitably assert him or herself in order to hold onto some modicum of pride and self-respect, which ultimately threatens the commanding influence of the other.
At this point, a couple of things will most likely occur ….. first, an ugly argument will ensue wherein past hurts that have – up until this time - successfully remained hidden, will inevitably bubble to the surface and then be used as the ultimate weapon designed to disable your partner’s defenses and destroy his or her whole plan of attack. Then once anger and hurt have reached their zenith, there is nothing left for anyone to do but retreat in opposite directions in order to refortify oneself and process what just happened.
The problem with this tactic is you haven’t communicated ‘anything’ of value, but instead inflicted wounds upon one another that might possibly never heal, and once this happens there is nothing left of you as a couple worth trying to salvage. The only thing left to do is accept failure and divide up the assets, which results in ‘calling it a draw’ because no one has won anything of value worth bragging about. You’ve only succeeded in diminishing the person you once claimed to love, as well as yourself within the painful process.
In relationships we all have needs, no matter how weak or strong our perceptions about ourselves may be. Failure to communicate those needs can be problematic, but what can be even worse is when your partner has made his or her needs crystal clear and still they go invalidated. Nothing is worse than feeling as if you’ve been given no voice in determining the outcome of your own destiny. Loving someone enough to be willing to give over the reins doesn’t mean you should lose all rights when it comes to determining direction.
Those willing to make compromises show just how evolved they are in their ability to make decisions designed to strengthen and protect the collective whole. Some of our greatest achievements occur once we find common ground as opposed to asserting the needs of one at the expense of the other. Therefore, I think it’s fair to state that winning at all costs is ultimately running the risk of losing the one you love to another who’s a little more complicit in his or her overall willingness to give a little in order to gain much more. So before you decide the best method of exhibiting your strength within a relationship, wouldn’t it be worth first considering all possible outcomes and then asking yourself, “Is it really worth it?”
We in this country are absolutely so addicted to winning, that even when the USA lost to Germany during the recent World Cup, we made it a win by virtue of the fact that we could go on to play Belgium. Winning has become the national obsession as opposed to the national pastime, and women and men alike have taken that competitive spirit from sports arenas to the boardrooms and in some cases even the bedroom. It doesn’t seem to matter anymore whether or not you like to ‘play’ on top or bottom, as long as you come out on top in the end, but has this preoccupation with winning helped to create those dreaded ‘toxic relationships’ we’d all sooner avoid? You know the ones …. those that test your endurance – as well as your patience – and eventually turn you into some version of yourself that even you cannot stand to be with, much less love.
As members of the opposite sex, men and women often compete for the same jobs, though men as a whole are still winning that battle, but women are consistently making impressive gains in the ongoing ground war in areas like technology, industry, communication and politics. Within the entertainment industry, performers are constantly being called upon to don their finest threads and walk the red carpet in order to witness who takes home the grand prize when it comes to Oscar, Emmy, or the Grammys among so many others. Those of us who lead less stellar lives – who in Great Britain might otherwise be referred to as ‘commoners’ – occasionally get caught up in a celebrity’s apparent ‘fall from grace’ if only to one day celebrate their subsequent recovery.
But the question I would like to put forth is this …. “Have we become so obsessed with the whole concept of winning that we’re willing to sacrifice way too much in the process?”
Take our most personal relationships for instance, men and women everywhere are in a constant tug-of-war, oftentimes refusing to communicate what’s really on their minds and opting instead to remain distant and unresponsive to the most basic needs of their partner in order to maintain the outward appearance as the one who’s ‘in control’ or winning the test of wills. But the problem with this tactic is that at some point the more submissive partner will inevitably assert him or herself in order to hold onto some modicum of pride and self-respect, which ultimately threatens the commanding influence of the other.
At this point, a couple of things will most likely occur ….. first, an ugly argument will ensue wherein past hurts that have – up until this time - successfully remained hidden, will inevitably bubble to the surface and then be used as the ultimate weapon designed to disable your partner’s defenses and destroy his or her whole plan of attack. Then once anger and hurt have reached their zenith, there is nothing left for anyone to do but retreat in opposite directions in order to refortify oneself and process what just happened.
The problem with this tactic is you haven’t communicated ‘anything’ of value, but instead inflicted wounds upon one another that might possibly never heal, and once this happens there is nothing left of you as a couple worth trying to salvage. The only thing left to do is accept failure and divide up the assets, which results in ‘calling it a draw’ because no one has won anything of value worth bragging about. You’ve only succeeded in diminishing the person you once claimed to love, as well as yourself within the painful process.
In relationships we all have needs, no matter how weak or strong our perceptions about ourselves may be. Failure to communicate those needs can be problematic, but what can be even worse is when your partner has made his or her needs crystal clear and still they go invalidated. Nothing is worse than feeling as if you’ve been given no voice in determining the outcome of your own destiny. Loving someone enough to be willing to give over the reins doesn’t mean you should lose all rights when it comes to determining direction.
Those willing to make compromises show just how evolved they are in their ability to make decisions designed to strengthen and protect the collective whole. Some of our greatest achievements occur once we find common ground as opposed to asserting the needs of one at the expense of the other. Therefore, I think it’s fair to state that winning at all costs is ultimately running the risk of losing the one you love to another who’s a little more complicit in his or her overall willingness to give a little in order to gain much more. So before you decide the best method of exhibiting your strength within a relationship, wouldn’t it be worth first considering all possible outcomes and then asking yourself, “Is it really worth it?”
July 5, 2014
Achieving Independence .....
With the advent of a long holiday weekend combined with my somewhat recent commitment to view the events unfolding around me with a renewed sense of purpose, I’ve given a lot of thought these past few days about the concept of independence. Yesterday our nation celebrated its 238th birthday marked by countless parades, fireworks extravaganzas and backyard barbeques. One thing I’ve always appreciated most about Americans is their ability to throw a good party and how everyone seems to revel in time away from the day-to-day pressures that dog us all throughout our workweeks. Caught up within the rapture of it all, it’s actually difficult not to be in a good mood.
Yesterday for me began with a ‘good cry’ as I was confronted with the unavoidable statistic that it had actually been ten long years since I’d seen my brother’s sweet face and enjoyed the comfort of having all of my family gathered in one place. Thirteen days later, our landscape was forever changed, and the one resounding thought that echoed in all of our minds was that life would never quite be the same. However, finding my resolve I quickly recovered after having doused cool water over my face while reminding myself that life is for the living, and it would be tragically unfair to deprive our newest family members the joy of celebrating our country’s most stunning historical achievement.
For me, achieving independence has been an ongoing struggle in which oftentimes my pride, self-respect and good sense-of-direction have been figuratively left scarred and wounded on love’s battlefield while I, myself, fell into retreat just long enough so that I might recover some sense of self and the ability to wage war once again with the fates of those who seemed intent upon my personal destruction. Over the years, I was abandoned within a marriage by a husband who didn’t necessarily want a divorce, but he didn’t actually want anything that resembled a traditional marriage either, so literally for years he managed to have his cake and eat it too while I was responsible for the running of our home and raising our children. Then I fell for a ‘music man’ who traveled over 75% of the time, making him an infrequent visitor in my life. For me, he gave new meaning to the term ‘sex, drugs and rock’n roll, and as Linda Ronstadt once sang, “He put me through some changes, Lord Sort of like a Waring blender. Poor poor pitiful me.”
From there I decided big changes were in order, so I opted for the stability of a business man, a CEO who had once sat at the head of a public company and then subsequently took his golden parachute and formed his own company with a number of smaller subsidiaries tucked underneath the same umbrella. Well educated and mature, it seemed I had found the stability I’d always longed for, but not so fast …. looking back, during the eighteen months we lived together, I realize very little of what he told me was the truth. He so masterfully mislead and manipulated me and those closest to me, that the damages he left me with will literally take years to recover.
Fast-forwarding to present day, I was certain I’d finally connected with my soul’s mate, the one I’d searched the world over to find, the one who would one day manage to make me feel loved and secure, not to mention complete in all ways. Both beautiful and brilliant, like Michelangelo’s David, he was the very definition what perfection had ever meant to me in more human terms, but another business man whose one true love was the building of his empire and the accumulation of wealth, left me just as lonely as the mere mortal I’d married in the first place. I simply never managed to achieve the level of status I personally required in order to feel happy and secure in the relationship. So to date achieving independence in love equates simply to being ‘alone’ and I’ve decided to make that okay in my mind, because it’s easier to be alone with yourself than alone in a relationship.
At least I have found comfort in achieving independent thought and the ability to survive circumstances that might have brought down someone who was otherwise weaker than me. So once again I redirect my time and energy back to working on myself in order that I may actually be prepared should love and opportunity ever decide to come calling on my door. At least I manage to quickly let go of any anger or bitterness, because such dark, negative devices never serve anyone well, but instead I choose to remain a ‘hopeful romantic’ believing that there is indeed one soul who longs for mine just as deeply as I long for his, and he will not stop searching until we manage to find one another.
During my morning meditation, I heard something of value that I wish to pass along. Put simply, “If you want to grow sunflowers, you have to plant the right seeds.” I interpreted that to mean if you want to feel loved, you must first be willing to give love …. and not just to those who are ‘easy’ to love, but more importantly to those who oftentimes try your patience and sometimes bring your good judgment into question. The Universe is made up of energy, and any physicist will confirm that every single thing – both living and inanimate – gives off a certain vibration. More importantly, the vibrations we as individuals put out in the world tend to come back to us at some point in return. As such I am sending out my love to all those who read this and pass it along, as well as those it will never touch in any fashion, and as I do intend to wait patiently and diligently for the one who will return his love firsthand and in so doing, finally make my soul feel ‘complete’.
Yesterday for me began with a ‘good cry’ as I was confronted with the unavoidable statistic that it had actually been ten long years since I’d seen my brother’s sweet face and enjoyed the comfort of having all of my family gathered in one place. Thirteen days later, our landscape was forever changed, and the one resounding thought that echoed in all of our minds was that life would never quite be the same. However, finding my resolve I quickly recovered after having doused cool water over my face while reminding myself that life is for the living, and it would be tragically unfair to deprive our newest family members the joy of celebrating our country’s most stunning historical achievement.
For me, achieving independence has been an ongoing struggle in which oftentimes my pride, self-respect and good sense-of-direction have been figuratively left scarred and wounded on love’s battlefield while I, myself, fell into retreat just long enough so that I might recover some sense of self and the ability to wage war once again with the fates of those who seemed intent upon my personal destruction. Over the years, I was abandoned within a marriage by a husband who didn’t necessarily want a divorce, but he didn’t actually want anything that resembled a traditional marriage either, so literally for years he managed to have his cake and eat it too while I was responsible for the running of our home and raising our children. Then I fell for a ‘music man’ who traveled over 75% of the time, making him an infrequent visitor in my life. For me, he gave new meaning to the term ‘sex, drugs and rock’n roll, and as Linda Ronstadt once sang, “He put me through some changes, Lord Sort of like a Waring blender. Poor poor pitiful me.”
From there I decided big changes were in order, so I opted for the stability of a business man, a CEO who had once sat at the head of a public company and then subsequently took his golden parachute and formed his own company with a number of smaller subsidiaries tucked underneath the same umbrella. Well educated and mature, it seemed I had found the stability I’d always longed for, but not so fast …. looking back, during the eighteen months we lived together, I realize very little of what he told me was the truth. He so masterfully mislead and manipulated me and those closest to me, that the damages he left me with will literally take years to recover.
Fast-forwarding to present day, I was certain I’d finally connected with my soul’s mate, the one I’d searched the world over to find, the one who would one day manage to make me feel loved and secure, not to mention complete in all ways. Both beautiful and brilliant, like Michelangelo’s David, he was the very definition what perfection had ever meant to me in more human terms, but another business man whose one true love was the building of his empire and the accumulation of wealth, left me just as lonely as the mere mortal I’d married in the first place. I simply never managed to achieve the level of status I personally required in order to feel happy and secure in the relationship. So to date achieving independence in love equates simply to being ‘alone’ and I’ve decided to make that okay in my mind, because it’s easier to be alone with yourself than alone in a relationship.
At least I have found comfort in achieving independent thought and the ability to survive circumstances that might have brought down someone who was otherwise weaker than me. So once again I redirect my time and energy back to working on myself in order that I may actually be prepared should love and opportunity ever decide to come calling on my door. At least I manage to quickly let go of any anger or bitterness, because such dark, negative devices never serve anyone well, but instead I choose to remain a ‘hopeful romantic’ believing that there is indeed one soul who longs for mine just as deeply as I long for his, and he will not stop searching until we manage to find one another.
During my morning meditation, I heard something of value that I wish to pass along. Put simply, “If you want to grow sunflowers, you have to plant the right seeds.” I interpreted that to mean if you want to feel loved, you must first be willing to give love …. and not just to those who are ‘easy’ to love, but more importantly to those who oftentimes try your patience and sometimes bring your good judgment into question. The Universe is made up of energy, and any physicist will confirm that every single thing – both living and inanimate – gives off a certain vibration. More importantly, the vibrations we as individuals put out in the world tend to come back to us at some point in return. As such I am sending out my love to all those who read this and pass it along, as well as those it will never touch in any fashion, and as I do intend to wait patiently and diligently for the one who will return his love firsthand and in so doing, finally make my soul feel ‘complete’.
July 2, 2014
Discovering Your Personal Power ....
“You had the power all along my dear …” – Glinda, The Good Witch
Dorothy looked down at her glimmering red slippers – hypnotized by their gleaming red sparkle – and for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun, she felt her personal power begin to emerge as she sharply clicked her heels together with eyes closed muttering the phrase, “There’s no place like home ….”
“No,” those are not words penned by the author, L. Frank Baum, whose 1900 novel by the name of “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” was made instantly famous by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer’s film adaptation titled more simply “The Wizard of Oz” which subsequently made Judy Garland a household name for generations to come, but rather they are ‘mine’ as I imagined putting myself in her place the moment when she realized she was the mistress of her own destiny.
When I was a very young girl, this film embodied all that was both magical and mysterious about life, if not just a little bit scary at times, but now decades later I look back on Dorothy’s great adventure with a better understanding that this was a lesson in perseverance. Growing up in a small southern town while trying to nurture big dreams at the same time can be more than just a little bit overwhelming, as I often suffered from feelings of inadequacy. Someone was always taller, smarter, prettier and generally savvier than me, and I seemed destined to keep making the same stupid mistakes – particularly with regard to my most intimate relationships.
Friends and family often accused me of being too trusting and of having followed my heart as opposed to my head, and unfortunately my heart did betray me a few times along the way. However ‘beaten down’ never quite equated to ‘out’ so instead I took the necessary time to extract salt from my wounds while trying to figure out what it was I did wrong so as not to perpetually repeat the same mistakes.
Then one day I finally came to the conclusion I hadn’t necessarily done ‘anything’ wrong. It’s not a bad thing to love someone, and when you love as deeply as me, a necessary caveat is trust. I decided sometimes when things don’t work out, it’s due to a combination of extraneous influences that neither of you could have helped nor anticipated, and at other times it’s due to the simple fact the two of you were ill-suited in the first place.
However, it all began to change for me the day I decided – like Dorothy – that I had always possessed the power from within to change my life in all the areas I felt needed improvement, which were plentiful in number from my love life to certain career choices, as well as my immediate environment, the first thing I needed to do was ‘stop’ being so hard on myself. After all I’d always preached about the necessity not to be judgmental, so why was I judging myself all the time whenever I fell short of where I thought I should be versus where I was at any given moment in time? I’m as human as the next individual, so I had to grasp the simple concept that being a perfectionist never actually equates to being perfect.
Next I had to separate the sum of my make-up into its various parts and come up with a realistic plan to make improvements, and above all I needed to stop being ‘on the lookout’ for some white knight to come riding in on his steed, swoop down on me and with a grand gesture broad in proportions, paint a stroke designed to change the color of my whole world. My happiness was my own responsibility, and I needed to at least face the possibility that I might always be alone. Then if that proved to be the case, I needed to become someone I enjoyed spending my time with versus feeling lonely and miserable all the time.
When it came to relationships in particular I needed to come to an understanding based upon the qualities I needed most in a potential partner in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Thus when I deciphered that I was someone who occasionally needed emotional support, I shouldn’t choose someone emotionally distant and expect to feel satisfied in return. I needed to stop blaming any man for being who he was just because he wasn’t who I wanted him to be.
Life is always about making a series of ‘choices’ and no matter what your current circumstances, you should always have more than one option at your disposal when it comes to making decisions. Sometimes progress can be slow, but with perseverance some small action taken might just wind up moving someone who has the power to make dreams come true. Thus temperance – when combined with perseverance – has the power to move mountains, and when it does – like Dorothy – you’ll realize you had the power within you all along.
Now with a wink and a smile upon remembering all she’d been through, Dorothy finally realized it was those ruby red slippers that first began her love affair with shoes …..
Dorothy looked down at her glimmering red slippers – hypnotized by their gleaming red sparkle – and for the first time since this whole ordeal had begun, she felt her personal power begin to emerge as she sharply clicked her heels together with eyes closed muttering the phrase, “There’s no place like home ….”
“No,” those are not words penned by the author, L. Frank Baum, whose 1900 novel by the name of “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz” was made instantly famous by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer’s film adaptation titled more simply “The Wizard of Oz” which subsequently made Judy Garland a household name for generations to come, but rather they are ‘mine’ as I imagined putting myself in her place the moment when she realized she was the mistress of her own destiny.
When I was a very young girl, this film embodied all that was both magical and mysterious about life, if not just a little bit scary at times, but now decades later I look back on Dorothy’s great adventure with a better understanding that this was a lesson in perseverance. Growing up in a small southern town while trying to nurture big dreams at the same time can be more than just a little bit overwhelming, as I often suffered from feelings of inadequacy. Someone was always taller, smarter, prettier and generally savvier than me, and I seemed destined to keep making the same stupid mistakes – particularly with regard to my most intimate relationships.
Friends and family often accused me of being too trusting and of having followed my heart as opposed to my head, and unfortunately my heart did betray me a few times along the way. However ‘beaten down’ never quite equated to ‘out’ so instead I took the necessary time to extract salt from my wounds while trying to figure out what it was I did wrong so as not to perpetually repeat the same mistakes.
Then one day I finally came to the conclusion I hadn’t necessarily done ‘anything’ wrong. It’s not a bad thing to love someone, and when you love as deeply as me, a necessary caveat is trust. I decided sometimes when things don’t work out, it’s due to a combination of extraneous influences that neither of you could have helped nor anticipated, and at other times it’s due to the simple fact the two of you were ill-suited in the first place.
However, it all began to change for me the day I decided – like Dorothy – that I had always possessed the power from within to change my life in all the areas I felt needed improvement, which were plentiful in number from my love life to certain career choices, as well as my immediate environment, the first thing I needed to do was ‘stop’ being so hard on myself. After all I’d always preached about the necessity not to be judgmental, so why was I judging myself all the time whenever I fell short of where I thought I should be versus where I was at any given moment in time? I’m as human as the next individual, so I had to grasp the simple concept that being a perfectionist never actually equates to being perfect.
Next I had to separate the sum of my make-up into its various parts and come up with a realistic plan to make improvements, and above all I needed to stop being ‘on the lookout’ for some white knight to come riding in on his steed, swoop down on me and with a grand gesture broad in proportions, paint a stroke designed to change the color of my whole world. My happiness was my own responsibility, and I needed to at least face the possibility that I might always be alone. Then if that proved to be the case, I needed to become someone I enjoyed spending my time with versus feeling lonely and miserable all the time.
When it came to relationships in particular I needed to come to an understanding based upon the qualities I needed most in a potential partner in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Thus when I deciphered that I was someone who occasionally needed emotional support, I shouldn’t choose someone emotionally distant and expect to feel satisfied in return. I needed to stop blaming any man for being who he was just because he wasn’t who I wanted him to be.
Life is always about making a series of ‘choices’ and no matter what your current circumstances, you should always have more than one option at your disposal when it comes to making decisions. Sometimes progress can be slow, but with perseverance some small action taken might just wind up moving someone who has the power to make dreams come true. Thus temperance – when combined with perseverance – has the power to move mountains, and when it does – like Dorothy – you’ll realize you had the power within you all along.
Now with a wink and a smile upon remembering all she’d been through, Dorothy finally realized it was those ruby red slippers that first began her love affair with shoes …..
June 29, 2014
The Politics of Hate ....
It doesn’t exactly take much of a brain to figure out that ‘the politics of hate’ has become big business these days …. especially for the privileged few who peddle it to the masses over various airwaves on a daily basis. In days past, all it took was a good lynch mob, or even a burning cross to stir a crowd behind the single-minded goal of taking another man’s life and livelihood, but today with talk show hosts like Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity – among others – lit torches and waving guns firing off rounds into the cover granted by the darkened night sky are no longer necessary to rally a crowd of otherwise respectable, hard-working individuals to hate and judge others who dare to choose a life path different from their own.
Though I’m unfamiliar with the organization – for obvious reasons – I saw a post a few days back on Facebook attributed to “Right Wing News” which read as follows:
“Just because we don’t support your liberal, anti-God, amoral agenda does not make us: ignorant, racists, bigots, hillbillies, uneducated, haters, inbreds, morons …. It simply means we think for ourselves, honor God, and love our country.”
I actually decided to wait a few days prior to composing a rebuttal, because if I had written this on the day I had read such hate-inspired propaganda, I might have come off just as angry as this statement. So instead I copied it down word-for-word so I wouldn’t risk losing the original quote and then carefully put it away for a few days so that it might simmer on low somewhere in the back of my mind before taking the time to respond, and at this time I’d like to break it down ….
Let me first begin with “Just because we don’t support your liberal, anti-God, amoral agenda …”
As a lifetime Democratic Liberal who has voted in every local, statewide and national election since I came of age almost four decades ago, I feel more than qualified to state unequivocally the fact that every other liberal I know as well as myself believes in a ‘live and let live world’. We choose not to judge others whose lifestyle differs from our own and we support the civil liberties of all Americans – including the down-trodden, poor and under-privileged – as well as the countless hard-working citizens who often work too hard for too little pay, sometimes being forced to work several jobs in order to make ends meet. Call it foolhardy, but we still believe in the concept of the ‘American Dream’ wherein with a lot of hard work and a little luck, anyone is capable of raising their station in this life. We too raise our flags on Labor Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and The 4th of July, and take our children and grandchildren to see the very same fireworks displays as our more conservative brethren.
We support a woman’s ‘right to choose’ what to do with her own body, because whether or not she chooses to give birth is very personal and comes with a lifetime of responsibilities that should not be taken lightly. I know countless people who have literally obsessed over whether or not to take on a family pet because of the added work and expense it entails, but many of these same people think nothing of telling a woman she must have a child …. even if that pregnancy is the result of rape or incest, or even if she hasn’t the support of a husband or loving family, or if she is mentally or emotionally incapable of carrying a pregnancy to term and caring for the resulting child. All of these so-called well-meaning individuals who feel they must force a woman to have a child are not around taking each and every step along with her through a difficult pregnancy and birth process, much less through the lifetime of that same child, making sure it has everything he or she needs to survive and thrive in this life, but rather they feel once they permanently change the legislation, their work is done, and if that’s not ‘big government’ then I don’t know what is.
Though liberal, I am a devout Roman Catholic and proud to call myself such. I pray to God each and every day and support others rights to pray – or not – according to their own faith and personal beliefs, as well as to the God of his or her choice, whether they call their Creator the Lord, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha or any other name given to their respective Deity. America is made great by virtue of the fact that it is a broad mix of cultures whose differences serve to make the world an infinitely more colorful and interesting place to live, but for me it all comes down to Jesus’ teachings …. and how He welcomed everyone into his flock, from the tax collector to the beggar, the leper and the prostitute – virtually anyone and everyone who heard his words and dared to ‘believe’. His was a ministry of love and compassion, of inclusion but not exclusion.
Those who use quotes from out of the Old Testament to support their agenda to deny gays their civil liberties should be ashamed. Though I believe the Bible was divinely inspired, it was also written over two thousand years ago when issues like same-sex marriage, safe gun laws and women in the priesthood were thousands of years before coming to the forefront. Those authors who did contribute books to the Bible were just as influenced by oppression and the politics of their day as today’s citizens worldwide, but I can’t help believing that if Jesus were walking the same paths he once took today, he would be considered extremely ‘liberal-minded’ just as he was back in his time when he was not only attacked by the citizens of Rome, but by the Jewish Sanhedrin and non-Israelites alike. Therefore, I suppose my core beliefs arise from the fact that my Lord and Savior taught love and compassion – and above all acceptance – even in the face of those who sought to condemn him to death. If that makes me and those who believe like me ‘amoral’ then so be it, because I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Moving on …. now for the second part, “does not make us: ignorant, racists, bigots, hillbillies, uneducated, haters, inbreds, morons ….”
I don’t believe statements like this one from “Right Wing News” serve to help your cause. At the very minimum it is judgmental and narrow-minded in that it seeks to label one political ideology as amoral and thus ‘bad’ versus the other honorable and patriotic, and thus ‘good’. Does anyone really believe it’s that simple or that we live in a strictly ‘black and white’ world where one person’s belief system completely trumps another? I certainly don’t believe that, and I’m willing to say that neither my party nor liberals as a whole have all the right answers. I am a firm believer in the two-party system, and as a matter of fact, we are fast becoming a three-party system wherein a growing number of voters are casting an independent ballot. We need a combination of beliefs and ideas brought to the bargaining table so that hopefully what results is legislation that we can all live with, but it must start with co-operation and a willingness to meet each other half way, and all this hatred jargon must be banished from the discussion. We don’t need to hate anyone just because their beliefs differ from our own, we just need to strive to develop a greater understanding of what makes one believe what he or she does and then allow for some wiggle room on each side when it comes to writing our laws.
In conclusion …. “We think for ourselves, honor God, and love our country.”
I think it’s safe to say this statement applies to both liberals and conservatives alike, as well our independent brethren …. at least all of the ones I know and associate with, particularly those on each side of the aisle that I count among my ‘friends’.
Though I’m unfamiliar with the organization – for obvious reasons – I saw a post a few days back on Facebook attributed to “Right Wing News” which read as follows:
“Just because we don’t support your liberal, anti-God, amoral agenda does not make us: ignorant, racists, bigots, hillbillies, uneducated, haters, inbreds, morons …. It simply means we think for ourselves, honor God, and love our country.”
I actually decided to wait a few days prior to composing a rebuttal, because if I had written this on the day I had read such hate-inspired propaganda, I might have come off just as angry as this statement. So instead I copied it down word-for-word so I wouldn’t risk losing the original quote and then carefully put it away for a few days so that it might simmer on low somewhere in the back of my mind before taking the time to respond, and at this time I’d like to break it down ….
Let me first begin with “Just because we don’t support your liberal, anti-God, amoral agenda …”
As a lifetime Democratic Liberal who has voted in every local, statewide and national election since I came of age almost four decades ago, I feel more than qualified to state unequivocally the fact that every other liberal I know as well as myself believes in a ‘live and let live world’. We choose not to judge others whose lifestyle differs from our own and we support the civil liberties of all Americans – including the down-trodden, poor and under-privileged – as well as the countless hard-working citizens who often work too hard for too little pay, sometimes being forced to work several jobs in order to make ends meet. Call it foolhardy, but we still believe in the concept of the ‘American Dream’ wherein with a lot of hard work and a little luck, anyone is capable of raising their station in this life. We too raise our flags on Labor Day, Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and The 4th of July, and take our children and grandchildren to see the very same fireworks displays as our more conservative brethren.
We support a woman’s ‘right to choose’ what to do with her own body, because whether or not she chooses to give birth is very personal and comes with a lifetime of responsibilities that should not be taken lightly. I know countless people who have literally obsessed over whether or not to take on a family pet because of the added work and expense it entails, but many of these same people think nothing of telling a woman she must have a child …. even if that pregnancy is the result of rape or incest, or even if she hasn’t the support of a husband or loving family, or if she is mentally or emotionally incapable of carrying a pregnancy to term and caring for the resulting child. All of these so-called well-meaning individuals who feel they must force a woman to have a child are not around taking each and every step along with her through a difficult pregnancy and birth process, much less through the lifetime of that same child, making sure it has everything he or she needs to survive and thrive in this life, but rather they feel once they permanently change the legislation, their work is done, and if that’s not ‘big government’ then I don’t know what is.
Though liberal, I am a devout Roman Catholic and proud to call myself such. I pray to God each and every day and support others rights to pray – or not – according to their own faith and personal beliefs, as well as to the God of his or her choice, whether they call their Creator the Lord, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha or any other name given to their respective Deity. America is made great by virtue of the fact that it is a broad mix of cultures whose differences serve to make the world an infinitely more colorful and interesting place to live, but for me it all comes down to Jesus’ teachings …. and how He welcomed everyone into his flock, from the tax collector to the beggar, the leper and the prostitute – virtually anyone and everyone who heard his words and dared to ‘believe’. His was a ministry of love and compassion, of inclusion but not exclusion.
Those who use quotes from out of the Old Testament to support their agenda to deny gays their civil liberties should be ashamed. Though I believe the Bible was divinely inspired, it was also written over two thousand years ago when issues like same-sex marriage, safe gun laws and women in the priesthood were thousands of years before coming to the forefront. Those authors who did contribute books to the Bible were just as influenced by oppression and the politics of their day as today’s citizens worldwide, but I can’t help believing that if Jesus were walking the same paths he once took today, he would be considered extremely ‘liberal-minded’ just as he was back in his time when he was not only attacked by the citizens of Rome, but by the Jewish Sanhedrin and non-Israelites alike. Therefore, I suppose my core beliefs arise from the fact that my Lord and Savior taught love and compassion – and above all acceptance – even in the face of those who sought to condemn him to death. If that makes me and those who believe like me ‘amoral’ then so be it, because I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Moving on …. now for the second part, “does not make us: ignorant, racists, bigots, hillbillies, uneducated, haters, inbreds, morons ….”
I don’t believe statements like this one from “Right Wing News” serve to help your cause. At the very minimum it is judgmental and narrow-minded in that it seeks to label one political ideology as amoral and thus ‘bad’ versus the other honorable and patriotic, and thus ‘good’. Does anyone really believe it’s that simple or that we live in a strictly ‘black and white’ world where one person’s belief system completely trumps another? I certainly don’t believe that, and I’m willing to say that neither my party nor liberals as a whole have all the right answers. I am a firm believer in the two-party system, and as a matter of fact, we are fast becoming a three-party system wherein a growing number of voters are casting an independent ballot. We need a combination of beliefs and ideas brought to the bargaining table so that hopefully what results is legislation that we can all live with, but it must start with co-operation and a willingness to meet each other half way, and all this hatred jargon must be banished from the discussion. We don’t need to hate anyone just because their beliefs differ from our own, we just need to strive to develop a greater understanding of what makes one believe what he or she does and then allow for some wiggle room on each side when it comes to writing our laws.
In conclusion …. “We think for ourselves, honor God, and love our country.”
I think it’s safe to say this statement applies to both liberals and conservatives alike, as well our independent brethren …. at least all of the ones I know and associate with, particularly those on each side of the aisle that I count among my ‘friends’.
June 26, 2014
Sacred Geometry .....
This past weekend, I was fortunate to have had plans that included a group of my old friends and classmates meeting up together to celebrate one of our birthdays. Now almost forty years has passed since we haunted the hallowed halls of our old high school, which happened to be relatively new back then, but since that time the school has been altered considerably to meet the expanding needs of its students and staff, which is somewhat reflective of the changes that have taken place in each of our lives since that time …. ‘most’ of us have been married, some – like myself – divorced, most with children and some with grandchildren. Some of us are still fortunate to have our parents, while others strive to keep their memories alive through remembering a past that inevitably fades over time. It occurred to me while sitting there that while we were attending high school, our parents were actually younger than we are today, which cannot help but make one ponder, “Where did all that time go?”
After catching up on the ‘here and now’ we transported ourselves back to the time when we were young, before we were plagued by worries that include things like mortgage payments, career choices, raising children and paying taxes. At that time we all held the world in our hands and walked with a bounce in our steps, because the world had not yet found a way to weigh down our shoulders, but alas we were too young to know it, much less appreciate it for one of the grandest times in our lives.
There is something magical about developing close relationships with individuals that become the extended family who don’t share our blood. Literally years can pass without the slightest interaction, but then when an impromptu group of us assemble, it’s as if all that time is temporarily rescinded as we enjoy the frivolity of youth again, free to resume the roles we once occupied in an effort to complete the circle ….. the jock, the quintessential cheerleader, the class clown and the academic, the quiet one, the eternal optimist, ingénue and the enigma were all in attendance. We all talked about things like who we kissed and who we didn’t, who was memorable and who we’d just soon forget. We talked about our favorite instructors and who was no longer with us, and secrets were revealed that evening that had been kept in the vault for literally decades. It has been said that laughter is good for the soul and if that indeed be the case, then all of our souls were uplifted considerably on that evening.
I read a quote today on Facebook attributed to Sacred Geometry & Ancient Knowledge which goes “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.” It has now become one of my favorites, because I remember during our dinner I made the comment, “I cry every single day about something,” and that for the most part is true. As difficult as that can be, I am grateful that I tend to notice everything and that I have an opinion about what I see and feel. I experience a great deal of empathy for those who are suffering or struggling on some level and a genuine desire to want to make the world a better place, but then I’m no different from anyone …. I want my life to be happy and fulfilled, I want financial security and to know that my loved ones are always safe and well. I treasure those whose contributions make my life rich beyond words, and I’m always seeking new ways and avenues to improve myself and my way of interacting with the world around me. I suppose that’s why I feel compelled to write …. as a means to get it all down in hopes that my journey will in some way assist others with their own.
Thinking back, I was blessed to have been something of a math whiz. Numbers didn’t require study as they always seemed to add up and they have always assisted with my ability to reason my way in and out of various circumstances throughout the course of my years. But of all the math I’ve taken in class, my resounding favorite was none other than geometry, because it was concerned with lines and surfaces and higher dimensions. It possessed a kind of fluidity that could lead one on a passage from one point to the next and then on thousands of others before making its way back to where it began. The relative arrangement and sum of all of its parts combine to make a pattern that – like snowflakes – is unique and individual in its ability to tell a story, and the sum of its parts is always infinitely more beautiful than any section studied apart from the whole, and such is the case with the people we grow up with in life. Each of us combine to make a unique pattern that cannot be duplicated or replaced and can only be described as ‘sacred geometry’. Our friends are the family we claim and the ones we look to for guidance when there are no one else’s opinions we can trust. To them, something of what we started out to be so long ago always remains, regardless of the trials life puts us through, and for this we love them, because they are nothing short of priceless.
After catching up on the ‘here and now’ we transported ourselves back to the time when we were young, before we were plagued by worries that include things like mortgage payments, career choices, raising children and paying taxes. At that time we all held the world in our hands and walked with a bounce in our steps, because the world had not yet found a way to weigh down our shoulders, but alas we were too young to know it, much less appreciate it for one of the grandest times in our lives.
There is something magical about developing close relationships with individuals that become the extended family who don’t share our blood. Literally years can pass without the slightest interaction, but then when an impromptu group of us assemble, it’s as if all that time is temporarily rescinded as we enjoy the frivolity of youth again, free to resume the roles we once occupied in an effort to complete the circle ….. the jock, the quintessential cheerleader, the class clown and the academic, the quiet one, the eternal optimist, ingénue and the enigma were all in attendance. We all talked about things like who we kissed and who we didn’t, who was memorable and who we’d just soon forget. We talked about our favorite instructors and who was no longer with us, and secrets were revealed that evening that had been kept in the vault for literally decades. It has been said that laughter is good for the soul and if that indeed be the case, then all of our souls were uplifted considerably on that evening.
I read a quote today on Facebook attributed to Sacred Geometry & Ancient Knowledge which goes “It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply.” It has now become one of my favorites, because I remember during our dinner I made the comment, “I cry every single day about something,” and that for the most part is true. As difficult as that can be, I am grateful that I tend to notice everything and that I have an opinion about what I see and feel. I experience a great deal of empathy for those who are suffering or struggling on some level and a genuine desire to want to make the world a better place, but then I’m no different from anyone …. I want my life to be happy and fulfilled, I want financial security and to know that my loved ones are always safe and well. I treasure those whose contributions make my life rich beyond words, and I’m always seeking new ways and avenues to improve myself and my way of interacting with the world around me. I suppose that’s why I feel compelled to write …. as a means to get it all down in hopes that my journey will in some way assist others with their own.
Thinking back, I was blessed to have been something of a math whiz. Numbers didn’t require study as they always seemed to add up and they have always assisted with my ability to reason my way in and out of various circumstances throughout the course of my years. But of all the math I’ve taken in class, my resounding favorite was none other than geometry, because it was concerned with lines and surfaces and higher dimensions. It possessed a kind of fluidity that could lead one on a passage from one point to the next and then on thousands of others before making its way back to where it began. The relative arrangement and sum of all of its parts combine to make a pattern that – like snowflakes – is unique and individual in its ability to tell a story, and the sum of its parts is always infinitely more beautiful than any section studied apart from the whole, and such is the case with the people we grow up with in life. Each of us combine to make a unique pattern that cannot be duplicated or replaced and can only be described as ‘sacred geometry’. Our friends are the family we claim and the ones we look to for guidance when there are no one else’s opinions we can trust. To them, something of what we started out to be so long ago always remains, regardless of the trials life puts us through, and for this we love them, because they are nothing short of priceless.
June 25, 2014
Relationship Secrets .... Say What You Need To Say
I was reading an article earlier today centered around the three stages to commitment written by a gentleman named Christian Carter. It is of course from a male perspective – which I find infinitely interesting – because as a woman, I think it’s almost impossible to crawl inside a man’s mind in order to glean what he’s thinking at any given moment. Conversely, men probably feel the same way about women most of the time, which serves to underscore the importance of good communication. However, the one thing I am certain about is how differently men and women approach relationships in general – and because of this – some relationships that show promise at the onset eventually tumble into a state of disrepair for no greater reason than a ‘failure to communicate’.
Based upon Mr. Carter’s initial premise, it is human nature for leaders to emerge amongst groups as well as within the relationship dynamic. As such, the one who leads sets the tone for how things develop between you, while the more submissive partner’s role is to silently observe and pick up on the necessary cues – both overt and implied – in order to fulfill the more dominant partner’s expectations for role play.
During the initial stages of courtship, the roles of leader and follower take on the more familiar tone of ‘convincer’ and ‘resistor’ as defined by the article. It’s human nature according to how each of us is hard-wired that when someone endeavors to influence our thoughts and behavior, there is a natural tendency toward resistance, due to the need to assert our independence as human beings who have been given the gift of free will. I find this to be true regardless of whether one is dominant or submissive, but an authentic submissive will soon surrender his or her need for independence in favor of fulfilling the role they were born to achieve, while another dominant personality will continually clash with the other until a decisive victory has been declared and one of them retreats to find a more suitable partner.
“No” Mr. Carter’s article did not speak of the relationship between a man and a woman in terms now made mainstream in the trilogy authored by E L James, outlining the alternative lifestyle pursuits of the infamous Christian Grey, but whether men and women subscribe to an alternative lifestyle or something more traditional in terms of societal morays, the roles remain the same. Thus understanding them can lead to a greater likelihood of success for all of us. Whether you describe yourself as a leader or dominant, a resistor or submissive, actively choosing the role you’re most comfortable with fulfilling within a relationship while attracting an appropriate mate will insure your likelihood of moving to the next level …. from courtship to ‘an uncommitted relationship’.
While most women I know like to believe once they share intimacy with a man that they’re already in a ‘committed relationship’ there’s a greater likelihood that such is not the case. Just because you’ve opted to test drive a relationship on a physical level – and even though the sex may have been amazing – it still doesn’t mean both partners are on the same wavelength where sex is concerned. Most women I know – including myself – are uncomfortable discussing exclusivity, mainly because they’re afraid the answers they get may not be the ones they’re seeking, so they manage to convince themselves that what they most want is in fact the reality they already have before them.
However – during the course of my years – I’ve been forced to learn if you want something in life, you must be prepared to ask for it, even if that means risking everything in the process …. and women should know that just because you’ve declared your decision not to see ‘others’ doesn’t mean your partner has opted to do the same, which is why so many women feel ‘cheated on’ when they discover their man is in fact seeing another woman, when in truth they never chose to have that uncomfortable conversation in the first place. Unfortunately, ladies cannot hold their men to a certain standard unless it’s been agreed upon by both concerned parties, and it’s unfair to label someone a ‘liar or a cheat’ unless they’ve committed an actual crime.
Therefore, when you’re deciding upon whether or not you can ‘trust’ this man you’ve already committed to, remember that it’s not only okay, its’ mandatory that you show him your vulnerable side by making clear what your own expectations are for the developing relationship while outlining your boundaries in the process. Then if he is indeed the Prince Charming you’ve already convinced yourself that he is, you’ll feel better now that you have his confirmation. But if not, then you need to be prepared to be patient while continuing to work toward your ultimate goal while in concert with an ‘uncommitted relationship’ or alternatively find the strength to walk away. At the risk of restating one of my own core beliefs, “You simply cannot make someone love you.” Love is like our own personal religion and a choice each of us will make on our own time and in our own way without succumbing to outside pressures.
The third and final stage of any relationship that has managed to survive the rough and tumble of the first two stages is nirvana ….. the ‘committed relationship’. Your honesty and willingness to reveal your vulnerability has opened up lines of communication that has led to a healthy exchange of ideas and concepts regarding a shared future. Congratulations! You are now on the same page and your chances for survival have therefore increased exponentially. While the female component – typically the submissive – has allowed herself to reveal the inner workings of her mind, coupled with her aspirations for the future, the male component – typically the dominant – has shared his own narrative about what it will take to make him feel happy and fulfilled as a man, and you are both working together to insure the ultimate success of your relationship is guaranteed through each partner’s willingness to fulfill his or her obligations.
Sir Francis Bacon once stated, “Knowledge is power.” Thus what could be more powerful than to know where your partner stands when it comes to defining how he or she sees the two of you? Consequently, once again the concept of success hinges upon the ability to communicate. In a world dominated by technology with multiple options to say what’s on your mind, including email, text messaging and voicemail, there really is no excuse not to do as John Mayer suggest when he sang, “Say What You Need to Say”.
Based upon Mr. Carter’s initial premise, it is human nature for leaders to emerge amongst groups as well as within the relationship dynamic. As such, the one who leads sets the tone for how things develop between you, while the more submissive partner’s role is to silently observe and pick up on the necessary cues – both overt and implied – in order to fulfill the more dominant partner’s expectations for role play.
During the initial stages of courtship, the roles of leader and follower take on the more familiar tone of ‘convincer’ and ‘resistor’ as defined by the article. It’s human nature according to how each of us is hard-wired that when someone endeavors to influence our thoughts and behavior, there is a natural tendency toward resistance, due to the need to assert our independence as human beings who have been given the gift of free will. I find this to be true regardless of whether one is dominant or submissive, but an authentic submissive will soon surrender his or her need for independence in favor of fulfilling the role they were born to achieve, while another dominant personality will continually clash with the other until a decisive victory has been declared and one of them retreats to find a more suitable partner.
“No” Mr. Carter’s article did not speak of the relationship between a man and a woman in terms now made mainstream in the trilogy authored by E L James, outlining the alternative lifestyle pursuits of the infamous Christian Grey, but whether men and women subscribe to an alternative lifestyle or something more traditional in terms of societal morays, the roles remain the same. Thus understanding them can lead to a greater likelihood of success for all of us. Whether you describe yourself as a leader or dominant, a resistor or submissive, actively choosing the role you’re most comfortable with fulfilling within a relationship while attracting an appropriate mate will insure your likelihood of moving to the next level …. from courtship to ‘an uncommitted relationship’.
While most women I know like to believe once they share intimacy with a man that they’re already in a ‘committed relationship’ there’s a greater likelihood that such is not the case. Just because you’ve opted to test drive a relationship on a physical level – and even though the sex may have been amazing – it still doesn’t mean both partners are on the same wavelength where sex is concerned. Most women I know – including myself – are uncomfortable discussing exclusivity, mainly because they’re afraid the answers they get may not be the ones they’re seeking, so they manage to convince themselves that what they most want is in fact the reality they already have before them.
However – during the course of my years – I’ve been forced to learn if you want something in life, you must be prepared to ask for it, even if that means risking everything in the process …. and women should know that just because you’ve declared your decision not to see ‘others’ doesn’t mean your partner has opted to do the same, which is why so many women feel ‘cheated on’ when they discover their man is in fact seeing another woman, when in truth they never chose to have that uncomfortable conversation in the first place. Unfortunately, ladies cannot hold their men to a certain standard unless it’s been agreed upon by both concerned parties, and it’s unfair to label someone a ‘liar or a cheat’ unless they’ve committed an actual crime.
Therefore, when you’re deciding upon whether or not you can ‘trust’ this man you’ve already committed to, remember that it’s not only okay, its’ mandatory that you show him your vulnerable side by making clear what your own expectations are for the developing relationship while outlining your boundaries in the process. Then if he is indeed the Prince Charming you’ve already convinced yourself that he is, you’ll feel better now that you have his confirmation. But if not, then you need to be prepared to be patient while continuing to work toward your ultimate goal while in concert with an ‘uncommitted relationship’ or alternatively find the strength to walk away. At the risk of restating one of my own core beliefs, “You simply cannot make someone love you.” Love is like our own personal religion and a choice each of us will make on our own time and in our own way without succumbing to outside pressures.
The third and final stage of any relationship that has managed to survive the rough and tumble of the first two stages is nirvana ….. the ‘committed relationship’. Your honesty and willingness to reveal your vulnerability has opened up lines of communication that has led to a healthy exchange of ideas and concepts regarding a shared future. Congratulations! You are now on the same page and your chances for survival have therefore increased exponentially. While the female component – typically the submissive – has allowed herself to reveal the inner workings of her mind, coupled with her aspirations for the future, the male component – typically the dominant – has shared his own narrative about what it will take to make him feel happy and fulfilled as a man, and you are both working together to insure the ultimate success of your relationship is guaranteed through each partner’s willingness to fulfill his or her obligations.
Sir Francis Bacon once stated, “Knowledge is power.” Thus what could be more powerful than to know where your partner stands when it comes to defining how he or she sees the two of you? Consequently, once again the concept of success hinges upon the ability to communicate. In a world dominated by technology with multiple options to say what’s on your mind, including email, text messaging and voicemail, there really is no excuse not to do as John Mayer suggest when he sang, “Say What You Need to Say”.
June 12, 2014
Relationship Secrets .... The Journey from Breathless to Restless ....
In the beginning of any potentially ‘good’ relationship, it’s easy to get swept away in the tide of emotions filling up your heart and capturing your mind. He or she is all you can think about, practically reducing you to a state of worthlessness as you wile away hours thinking about the last time you were together and dreaming about your next rendezvous. Before long your work begins to suffer, and friends start to notice your conspicuous absence at the usual haunts you typically frequented together. Then there’s that undeniable spring in your step brought about by a renewed zest for life and living as a whole. As your bond continues to deepen, which results in rendering your partner your current ‘drug of choice’, it’s only natural to experience intense withdrawals the very instant you two begin to cool off.
As a woman, you begin to question the validity of your feelings, while as a man you slowly begin to reclaim your various positions of power within your network of friends, family and co-workers that have temporarily suffered during your absence …. all those supporting cast members who serve to firmly establish your role and status as a dominant, alpha male. However, even the most confident among women will begin to question her ability to be completely loved by man, thus causing her to chip away at her self-esteem to the point she’s willing to subject herself to otherwise unacceptable behavior from her mate as opposed to being forced to confront yet another relationship failure.
The problem is, as he naturally begins to pull away – as the female component - you are left to question what unfortunate series of events landed you in this lonely and desolate place where there can be no ‘comfort zone’. Issues are further exacerbated by the fact that the man in your life offers you nothing in the way of an explanation for his rather sudden departure from your life, as to him it’s only natural to want to recover whatever he perceives was lost while he was off capturing his prey. So what’s a woman to do when 'breathless' turns to 'restless'? First you must decipher if your sudden restlessness is part of the natural ebb and flow of the relationship, or could there be a more serious problem beginning to bubble to the surface?
It’s human nature to want to improve yourself and your relationships, but actually knowing when changes are in order is critical. The first step is to assess exactly where you are in terms of your own personal growth, because if you’ve failed to evolve to the point that you’re capable of sustaining all the various ups and downs that are incumbent in even the best long-term relationships, then the manifestation of fear, doubt and restlessness is not only inevitable, it is also capable of derailing an otherwise perfectly good relationship. In addition, if you’ve failed to mature to the point you know exactly what you want and need out of a committed relationship, then it’s impossible to come to terms with what you’re willing to accept or decline when it comes to selecting a partner.
Then there’s the big issue of commitment …. even though the term – like soulmates – is often overused and misused in today’s society, taken literally I ask, “Can there be anything more profound than completely devoting yourself to another human being?” Because by extending yourself in this manner, you’ve made a promise to remain faithful and true, but beyond the obvious you’ve also promised to reveal yourself to someone in a manner that no one else is privileged to see. By disclosing your innermost desires, fears, anxieties and dreams you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a way in which others might perhaps judge you unfairly. In addition, you also agree to place the needs of your partner above those of your own on those occasions when their needs are more important than yours. Thus you’ve effectively hitched your wagons together and you’re now riding through life in tandem; therefore, whatever effects one of you can’t help but also have a ripple effect on the other, as your sense of ‘all being right with the world’ is now dependent upon the welfare of the person you love. All things considered, can there be anything greater than knowing another human being is fully committed to you above all others.
However, if either of you lacks maturity or is simply ‘not ready’ for such a deep level of devotion, there is nothing – and I repeat – nothing you can do to make it so. It’s kind of like ‘having faith’ or belief in God …. it’s personal and everyone must determine his or her own path. Simply wanting trust, loyalty and fidelity from another will never be enough to make it happen on its own. You must both be in the same place or it will never work.
And finally once you’ve established your desired level of commitment, you must continue to grow – both as individuals and as a couple – in order to remain viable. It’s impossible to tread water indefinitely. You must either be rescued or swim ashore less you risk drowning. In order for a relationship to remain healthy, you must be willing to resist stagnation at all costs. Stagnant water becomes stale and emits a foul odor because there is no progression. Plateaus are unavoidable, but to remain on one for too long can be devastating. Life is not meant to be experienced standing still. So the next time you feel restless, rather than seek excitement outside the confines of your relationship, you must strive to address your partner as best you can and hopefully arrive at a compromise that works for both of you …. your future could just be riding on it.
As a woman, you begin to question the validity of your feelings, while as a man you slowly begin to reclaim your various positions of power within your network of friends, family and co-workers that have temporarily suffered during your absence …. all those supporting cast members who serve to firmly establish your role and status as a dominant, alpha male. However, even the most confident among women will begin to question her ability to be completely loved by man, thus causing her to chip away at her self-esteem to the point she’s willing to subject herself to otherwise unacceptable behavior from her mate as opposed to being forced to confront yet another relationship failure.
The problem is, as he naturally begins to pull away – as the female component - you are left to question what unfortunate series of events landed you in this lonely and desolate place where there can be no ‘comfort zone’. Issues are further exacerbated by the fact that the man in your life offers you nothing in the way of an explanation for his rather sudden departure from your life, as to him it’s only natural to want to recover whatever he perceives was lost while he was off capturing his prey. So what’s a woman to do when 'breathless' turns to 'restless'? First you must decipher if your sudden restlessness is part of the natural ebb and flow of the relationship, or could there be a more serious problem beginning to bubble to the surface?
It’s human nature to want to improve yourself and your relationships, but actually knowing when changes are in order is critical. The first step is to assess exactly where you are in terms of your own personal growth, because if you’ve failed to evolve to the point that you’re capable of sustaining all the various ups and downs that are incumbent in even the best long-term relationships, then the manifestation of fear, doubt and restlessness is not only inevitable, it is also capable of derailing an otherwise perfectly good relationship. In addition, if you’ve failed to mature to the point you know exactly what you want and need out of a committed relationship, then it’s impossible to come to terms with what you’re willing to accept or decline when it comes to selecting a partner.
Then there’s the big issue of commitment …. even though the term – like soulmates – is often overused and misused in today’s society, taken literally I ask, “Can there be anything more profound than completely devoting yourself to another human being?” Because by extending yourself in this manner, you’ve made a promise to remain faithful and true, but beyond the obvious you’ve also promised to reveal yourself to someone in a manner that no one else is privileged to see. By disclosing your innermost desires, fears, anxieties and dreams you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a way in which others might perhaps judge you unfairly. In addition, you also agree to place the needs of your partner above those of your own on those occasions when their needs are more important than yours. Thus you’ve effectively hitched your wagons together and you’re now riding through life in tandem; therefore, whatever effects one of you can’t help but also have a ripple effect on the other, as your sense of ‘all being right with the world’ is now dependent upon the welfare of the person you love. All things considered, can there be anything greater than knowing another human being is fully committed to you above all others.
However, if either of you lacks maturity or is simply ‘not ready’ for such a deep level of devotion, there is nothing – and I repeat – nothing you can do to make it so. It’s kind of like ‘having faith’ or belief in God …. it’s personal and everyone must determine his or her own path. Simply wanting trust, loyalty and fidelity from another will never be enough to make it happen on its own. You must both be in the same place or it will never work.
And finally once you’ve established your desired level of commitment, you must continue to grow – both as individuals and as a couple – in order to remain viable. It’s impossible to tread water indefinitely. You must either be rescued or swim ashore less you risk drowning. In order for a relationship to remain healthy, you must be willing to resist stagnation at all costs. Stagnant water becomes stale and emits a foul odor because there is no progression. Plateaus are unavoidable, but to remain on one for too long can be devastating. Life is not meant to be experienced standing still. So the next time you feel restless, rather than seek excitement outside the confines of your relationship, you must strive to address your partner as best you can and hopefully arrive at a compromise that works for both of you …. your future could just be riding on it.
A Day In The Life of an Aspiring Author .....
I could talk about my work. In fact I'm more than happy to discuss topics related to my writing as it is my passion. Therefore, if you have a question or comment I beg you to put it forth and you will
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