Relationship Secrets .... The Journey from Breathless to Restless ....

In the beginning of any potentially ‘good’ relationship, it’s easy to get swept away in the tide of emotions filling up your heart and capturing your mind. He or she is all you can think about, practically reducing you to a state of worthlessness as you wile away hours thinking about the last time you were together and dreaming about your next rendezvous. Before long your work begins to suffer, and friends start to notice your conspicuous absence at the usual haunts you typically frequented together. Then there’s that undeniable spring in your step brought about by a renewed zest for life and living as a whole. As your bond continues to deepen, which results in rendering your partner your current ‘drug of choice’, it’s only natural to experience intense withdrawals the very instant you two begin to cool off.

As a woman, you begin to question the validity of your feelings, while as a man you slowly begin to reclaim your various positions of power within your network of friends, family and co-workers that have temporarily suffered during your absence …. all those supporting cast members who serve to firmly establish your role and status as a dominant, alpha male. However, even the most confident among women will begin to question her ability to be completely loved by man, thus causing her to chip away at her self-esteem to the point she’s willing to subject herself to otherwise unacceptable behavior from her mate as opposed to being forced to confront yet another relationship failure.

The problem is, as he naturally begins to pull away – as the female component - you are left to question what unfortunate series of events landed you in this lonely and desolate place where there can be no ‘comfort zone’. Issues are further exacerbated by the fact that the man in your life offers you nothing in the way of an explanation for his rather sudden departure from your life, as to him it’s only natural to want to recover whatever he perceives was lost while he was off capturing his prey. So what’s a woman to do when 'breathless' turns to 'restless'? First you must decipher if your sudden restlessness is part of the natural ebb and flow of the relationship, or could there be a more serious problem beginning to bubble to the surface?

It’s human nature to want to improve yourself and your relationships, but actually knowing when changes are in order is critical. The first step is to assess exactly where you are in terms of your own personal growth, because if you’ve failed to evolve to the point that you’re capable of sustaining all the various ups and downs that are incumbent in even the best long-term relationships, then the manifestation of fear, doubt and restlessness is not only inevitable, it is also capable of derailing an otherwise perfectly good relationship. In addition, if you’ve failed to mature to the point you know exactly what you want and need out of a committed relationship, then it’s impossible to come to terms with what you’re willing to accept or decline when it comes to selecting a partner.

Then there’s the big issue of commitment …. even though the term – like soulmates – is often overused and misused in today’s society, taken literally I ask, “Can there be anything more profound than completely devoting yourself to another human being?” Because by extending yourself in this manner, you’ve made a promise to remain faithful and true, but beyond the obvious you’ve also promised to reveal yourself to someone in a manner that no one else is privileged to see. By disclosing your innermost desires, fears, anxieties and dreams you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a way in which others might perhaps judge you unfairly. In addition, you also agree to place the needs of your partner above those of your own on those occasions when their needs are more important than yours. Thus you’ve effectively hitched your wagons together and you’re now riding through life in tandem; therefore, whatever effects one of you can’t help but also have a ripple effect on the other, as your sense of ‘all being right with the world’ is now dependent upon the welfare of the person you love. All things considered, can there be anything greater than knowing another human being is fully committed to you above all others.

However, if either of you lacks maturity or is simply ‘not ready’ for such a deep level of devotion, there is nothing – and I repeat – nothing you can do to make it so. It’s kind of like ‘having faith’ or belief in God …. it’s personal and everyone must determine his or her own path. Simply wanting trust, loyalty and fidelity from another will never be enough to make it happen on its own. You must both be in the same place or it will never work.

And finally once you’ve established your desired level of commitment, you must continue to grow – both as individuals and as a couple – in order to remain viable. It’s impossible to tread water indefinitely. You must either be rescued or swim ashore less you risk drowning. In order for a relationship to remain healthy, you must be willing to resist stagnation at all costs. Stagnant water becomes stale and emits a foul odor because there is no progression. Plateaus are unavoidable, but to remain on one for too long can be devastating. Life is not meant to be experienced standing still. So the next time you feel restless, rather than seek excitement outside the confines of your relationship, you must strive to address your partner as best you can and hopefully arrive at a compromise that works for both of you …. your future could just be riding on it.