Bart King's Blog, page 234

We'd prefer living customers...

...but if you have long hair, forget it! (From here.)

I like your attitude!

From here.

"We shall read on the beaches, we shall read on the landing grounds, we shall read in the fields and in the streets, we shall read in the hills."

"We shall never surrender."
After German bombers hit London in 1940, this young man sat in the ruins of a bookshop, reading. His book selection: The History of London.



This AP photo is from the "World War II in Photos" gallery over at the Atlantic .

Lights! Cameras! Hey, where's that Bart King book?

You MIGHT remember this quiz that had to do with news about a big Hollywood movie and little old me. See if you can select the proper choice:



1.) "My book will be turned into a movie starring Sean Penn. I will make a large heap of money and have full creative control."

2.) "My book will be turned into a movie starring Vin Diesel. My artistic vision will be altered unrecognizably, but I will make a smallish heap of money. And my name will be in the credits!"

3.) "My book is being made into a made-for-TV movie. It will star David Hasselhoff. And I will receive free basic-cable forever."

4.) "A movie starring Bruce Campbell is in production. It will use a book that I wrote as a pivotal plot device. In fact, my book will be the murder weapon!"

5.) "A character in a big-budget Disney movie will have a copy of one of my books. The book will be visible on-screen from anywhere from a nano-second to an oh-no-second. This movie will be one of the biggest box-office bombs in movie history."Correct choice: 5.

The movie: Mars Needs Moms . If you don't remember this big-budget Disney film from March of THIS year, it's because Mars Needs Moms came and went fast . . . but not fast enough to prevent the New York Times from calling it: 

"One of the biggest box-office bombs in movie history."

But what went wrong? Mars Needs Moms had big stars, highly-paid talent behind the cameras, and state-of-the-art special effects! There are various theories about what the problem was, including:Seth Green
The creepily unnerving combination of live action and animation.
Nobody wanting to see a movie about moms being kidnapped, least of all kids.


But the film was doomed for a much simpler reason. Look at this freeze-frame; The Big Book of Boy Stuff is visible to the left (apologies for the low resolution).





"So what?" you ask? Take a closer look!





That's right, The Big Book of Boy Stuff has been reduced from its 315 page glory to a mere . . . PAMPHLET. We can all see what happened next: My outraged and disappointed fans (both of them!) passed along the bad word-of-mouth that ensured this movie's demise.

But to end on a more hopeful note, let me encourage Hollywood to try again. If I may, I know of a certain title that has REAL box office potential. I don't want to say too much, but it's got a certain magic, a je ne sais quoi quality that could make it an adorable little blockbuster . . . 

Coming in October; preorder from your local bookstore or Amazon, Powell's, and Barnes and Noble . . . or save a buck and ask your library to get a copy!

Let's start an "I Love Imbecility" page on Facebook next!

"I Hate Reading" indeed! I can see it now:

Facebook User: Man, I hate reading. The very act of looking at words pains me . . . yet I can just make out the words 'I Hate Reading' on this page. Yes! Now that I've read it, I want to be affiliated with that group for sure!

Luckily, only about half-a-million people in the WHOLE WORLD "like" hatred towards reading. That means most of us are still swimming in smartness! (From here.)

Hey, let's start an "I Love Dumbness" page on Facebook next!

"I Hate Reading" indeed! Luckily, only about half-a-million people in the WHOLE WORLD "like" this. That means most of us are still swimming in smartness! (From here.)

No smorking? I'm out of here.

Mark Frauenfelder took his family to Harajuku, Japan, which is where he saw this sign.



It's sort of a rip-off how uptight Japan has become; I mean, no shoplifting? Sheesh!

What?! This is an outrage.

"So, um, where ARE the sausages kept? Heheh . . ."

It's the end of the world! (Again.)

There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end: Bribery and corruption are common. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.

—from an Assyrian tablet, 2800 BCE

Yes, yes, but can I buy them?