R.J. Blain's Blog, page 49

State of the Blain Address: Let’s talk about Scheduling, Humans! (It’s a Thursday, for those of you who need a reminder. Like the female.)

Dear humans,

As most of you are aware, the female has a somewhat meticulous approach to how she handles her scheduling. She needs to write certain books to survive: see Magical Romantic Comedies (with a body count.) Readers buy what they want to read, and that is her top selling series.

The Royal States series is quickly catching up, which is a fantastic thing. It gives the female variety, all of her eggs arent in one basket, and she really loves the Royal States series. Really loves it....

April 7, 2020: It’s Tuesday, there are some fun, games, and giveaways inside, Bonds is on sale for $0.99.

Dear humans. We can has a tired.

Its a big tired.

The Royal States series is being rebranded, and Im so thrilled to show you the covers so far. Here they are!

A Guiding Light and Huntress are up next, and the female will be able to begin earnest work on Runaway, as shell have the cover for that by the end of the month. The Agents of the Royal States series will also be put into the general lineup.

The first book will be titled The Vampire of Montana.

Bonds is now on sale for $0.99 and can be...

April 6, 2020: For those trapped in the stay-at-home time warp, it’s Monday.

Be fabulous like this peacock. Monday need not be rainy and dreary! (In other news, Monday is rainy and dreary. The females knee is majorly ouchy, and we wont talk about her case of tennis elbow.

Life hurts right now. Itll be better later after the Motrin kicks in.

The female is in the final stages of proofreading The Run Around. Hooray! For a rare change, the print editions might be ready at the same time as the digital version. We shall see! I mean, you may have difficulties ordering...

April 3, 2020: The female made a pie. Didn’t die. It was originally frozen. Please judge her.

Last week, the male really, really, really wanted to order a CostCo ham dinner, so badly that the female asked a friend to buy it for them and ship it using her CostCo card. The male and female dont have a CostCo card at current.

Their apartment is too small for bulk anything. The ham dinner came with a pie. The female ate the pie for dinner last night. She is happy.

The male didnt want pie.

Judge the entire human portion of the Blain household, please.

In other news, the male made the female...

April 2, 2020: Book Talk, Life talk, the female is a little sick. Poor female.

Dear Humans,

The female has been playing a daily game. Its fun. We call it Allergies or Plague.

Symptoms of allergies: Coughing, sore throat, sinus issues, aching, sometimes fever when theyre reaaaalllyyy bad, and so on.

Symptoms of plague: see above.

Not all people with all allergies express allergies in the same way. The female just happens to mimic someone with COVID very well. According to Apples new COVID-19 app, she probably has the plague, and she should go see a doctor.

Note: She...

April 1, 2020: No pranks, only book news. (We’re tired today, humans.)

Dear humans,

One of my favorite hobbies includes climbing onto the females desk and trying to steal things. I do this approximately two or three times a month, after giving sufficient time to lower her defenses.

How annoying I am about it is directly related to how hungry I am when I stage my assault of her professional life.

We are supposed to be recommending a book today, but were really tired, and our brain keeps going bwuh? bwuh? What are books? Why we book?

The female is proofreading...

March 31, 2020: Send cookies. Spike them with Vodka.

Dear humans,

Please enjoy this picture of a mountain road cutting through the Sierras. It is pretty. The female enjoyed the drive.

Send cookies, and spike them with vodka. The female is having a day. She needs to get writing done and editing completed, but she wants to go back to bed and have a do-over.

Honestly, you could just send the vodka. It would only take a shot to knock her off her ass. She doesnt handle liquor well at all.

Huh. Actually, skip the vodka. Those in a drunken stupor...

March 30, 2020: Has it really been two weeks already? Life, The Universe, and Everything… plus some books.

Dear humans,

This is an accurate representation of the Blain Household at current. The female would be the one sitting on the male, and yes, I still do sit on Princess as I see fit. If I fits, I sits!

There is so much of Princess for me to sit upon.

It is difficult to comprehend that the humans have been home for two weeks with very little respite.

The female is sick with something. She woke up early not feeling well, and no amount of coffee (that she shouldnt be having) can save her at this...

March 29, 2020: In Which the Female Tried to Teleport Us All into 2030. She tried, we’re sorry she failed.

Dear humans,

Have a picture of my sister laying claim to the new hammock cat tree. This one is hers, and it goes where the male usually works during the day. My sister has, however, decided to sit near me while I work on this missive for your enjoyment.

In my hammock.

Bitch.

Anyway, the female has made a to-do list. It is rather scary. She really wants to hit her word count goal for the day, as it will get her substantially closer to her goal for March! (She might even conquer March today if...

March 28, 2020: Do not wash your food with dish soap, please, plus other life tips from the Sneaky Kitty Critic. And books, because books.

Dear humans,

Dish soap is a poison. It is not meant to be digested. Please ignore that this specific bottle of dish soap is actually an import from Canada. It moved with the female and the male, and they insist on refilling it from the bulk ones. Its like the gift that keeps on giving.

The warning labels are still legitimate. This is from Palmolive. Every type of dish soap the female owns has a similar warning.

Dish soap is poison, humans. It should not be used on your food.

A sponge that...