R.J. Blain's Blog, page 41

Day 7 of the December 2020 Book Faire. We think. Oh, look! A squirrel! Ack. That’s just the female’s freshly washed hair…

Dear humans,

The female washed her hair last night. She found the necessary spoon to eradicate the rabid grease weasel. She completed her transformation into a rabid squirrel, as her hair went POOF and apparently, static electricity is real, and so is the disaster that is her head. But not all is lost, humans.

She didn’t have any knots.

We are considering this to be a miracle.

In other news, the female now has 3 active cross-stitch projects littering her desk of various complexities....

Day 6 of the December 2020 Book Faire: Books, Books, and More Books!

Dear humans,

The female has gone, quite possibly, truly insane this time. She has taken to stabbing pieces of cloth with sharp, pointy things, muttering curses, counting… possibly casting some dark spell… we really aren’t sure. (She’s cross-stitching, for the humans who are curious about her latest shenanigans.)

So far she has started two projects and has finished nothing, but a few more colored x marks appear on the cloth every day.

The Edge of it All by Jessica Grayson (Sci-fi / Shif...

License to Kill (Karma Book 2) has released!

Dear humans,

License to Kill is out in the wilds! You can acquire your copy at your favorite vendors, but here’s the link to Amazon, since that’s what most people request. (The female is on the last of her deadlines, so we’re chopping so she dodges having her head chopped. Or something like that.)

Warning: This is not a light or fluffy or funny book. It deals heavily on the realities of familial abuse and toxicity, and it is ultimately a redemption story, and redemption stories, by their v...

Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive…

We survived the apartment inspection. We were written up for having small scratches on the kitchen floor. (Side note: it is the cheapest kitchen flooring money can buy, and we’ve been here about three years… Yay.)

So there’s that.

There are two books releasing next week. I am not done enough other stuff, so Book Faire will resume… as soon as I get over this hurtle. License to Kill is locked and loaded. The scramble for Murder Mittens is heavily underway. I am hoping for the base ability to...

Delay to Book Faire due to Surprise! Apartment Inspections and Book Deadlines.

The cats are enjoying their feline privilege and are sleeping, so you get the human of the operations today.

The complex has decided they’re doing inspections on Wednesday. Let’s just say both humans have been working deadlines and we’re behind on the cleaning.

My next three days look like this:

Finish Murder MittensFinalize License to KillClean the Apartment.

My switch is on the charger doing its thing so I can maybe play on Thursday, assuming the next three days do not kill me.

...

~December 2020 Book Faire: Day 5.~

Dear humans,

The cheese thief has done the right thing.

We are pleased. The female is pleased. A hugeeeeeee bag of shredded Colby Jack was also offered.

For those who are uncertain of the significance of this, the male stole the females quarter pound block of Colby Jack. She did not get any of it. She has been holding a grudge ever since the theft.

She did not get any of her Colby Jack, humans. Not a scrap. She found the violated packaging of her cheese the next day. Gone. Gone, gone, gone.

...

~Water Witch Audiobook now available, plus Day 4 of the December 2020 Book Faire.~

Dear humans,

After many delays and general fuckery over at Audible, Water Witch is now available in audiobook format. It does contain Double Trouble, so dont say you werent warned if you already bought Double Trouble.

As a reminder, after all contracted audiobooks are completed, we will not be producing future audiobooks unless Amazon recants its current return policies and provides accurate and thorough reporting on returns. (Thats right. Amazon is taking money from creators without giving...

~December 2020 Book Faire: Day 3.~

Dear humans,

Welcome to the jungle. Today, the female woke up to another strike of an armchair editor. In good news, Amazon did not automatically slap on a quality notice. Had Amazon done this, she would have lost it. The error rate was 1 in 38,800 words. We expect the reader who reported the errors is now meticulously writing a review about how poorly edited the book is, and that nobody should read it because there were ANY errors at all.

(You think were kidding were not.)

Today, the birds...

~December 2020 Book Faire: Day 2~

Dear humans,

We have returned. We are highly amused by the female, who received a 36 count box of Reeses trees for the holidays from a friend. She immediately slaughtered one with ruthless and startling efficiently.

Then she assigned them as treats. For every 5,000 words she writes, she may have a tree.

She is highly food motivated, and 5,000 words were written so she could have a tree to go with her illicit beverage this morning.

In other news, McRibs are back at McDonalds. The male brought...

~December 2020 Book Faire: Day 1.~

Dear Humans,

Greetings, greetings! The sun is directly in the females eyes. She is loudly protesting this, as it is making it impossible to work and how dare the burning day star position itself there? Apparently, she wants to work, but she cannot work while blind from the solar rays of brilliance stabbing in through the patio door.

We do not understand this. The burning day star makes it so we can observed the winged prey.

The humans do not let us play with the winged prey. We find this to...