Adam Thomas's Blog, page 33
September 29, 2014
The Underachiever’s Manifesto
Yes, I read The Underachiever’s Manifesto – The Guide to Accomplishing Little and Feeling Great by Ray Bennett, M.D. . It wasn’t hard, even for an underachiever. But, I do not, by any means, consider myself an underachiever. The book is only 85 pages and there is a lot of white space. A third grader could read it quite easily.
Why did I read this? First of all, the concept intrigued me. Secondly, I constantly expose myself to books that are just the opposite, so I wanted to see how the other half lived.
And, … no thanks. The underachiever’s grass may not be cut on a regular basis, which is fine, but it may not necessarily be greener either.
I really wanted to like this book, especially considering how much my ego ( and sales ) have taken a beating lately. I thought that maybe there would be some consolation in ‘releasing the reins’. You know, encouraging words from someone outside your situation can be quite comforting. Instead this ‘manifesto’ almost condoned the why even try perspective. I am very goal driven – even if that goal sometimes is to make it through the day. So for me, this lazy-ass approach really hit a sour note.
I feel the urge to ramble without direction here, so I will switch gears and highlight a few ‘tips’ from the book then comment. Hell, maybe I’ll comment as I go along. Regardless, there will be commentary.
The Ten Principles of Underachievement
Life’s too short
Control is an illusion
Expectations lead to misery
Great expectation leads to great misery wow, that’s original
Achievement creates expectation personally, I think this is a good thing?
The law od diminishing returns applies everywhere
Perfect is the enemy of good don’t get this one – maybe the quest for perfection???
The tallest blade of grass is the surest to be cut
Accomplishment is in the eye of the beholder why is this bad?
The 4% value-added principle
Other random phrases:
Underachievers aren’t threatening to others
Ugly (average) people have good sex, too I’m thinking Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have pretty good sex.
The difference between a happy and an unhappy childhood is the difference between encouragement and pressure
This last tidbit I had a problem.
Remember underachievement isn’t about doing absolutely nothing. It’s about the right effort at the right time in the right place. And not one bit more.
Really?! If it were that easy would I still be working retail pharmacy? Ugh, of course not. The right effort, the right place at the right time. Anyone can be successful if even two of those three align. Then there is no ‘extra effort’ required.
Initially, I wanted to share this book with friends, mailing it out to someone then that person forwarding it off to someone else; the Travelling Pants/Flat Stanley concept. The idea fizzled almost as fast as it was conceived. Shit, sharing this book ain’t worth the time or the postage.
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September 22, 2014
A ‘pesky’ question – not that burning, but random as they come
Where the hell are all of these fruit flies coming from?
I realize the answer is obvious, but we haven’t had fruit in the house for some time now. It’s a long story, so don’t ask.
That being said, where the hell are all of these fruit flies coming from?
First some background knowledge. Not that anyone really wants knowledge about the damn things. It’s like asking the most annoying customer to talk about him or her self. But any way, … .
Facts About Fruit Flies
Fruit flies have notoriously fast life cycles; they can go from egg to adult in just 8 days. That means one overly ripe tomato left unused on your counter can give rise to a small fruit fly swarm within a week. Gross. Fruit flies are also known for their persistence once indoors. They don’t even need fruit to keep reproducing. Fruit flies can breed in the slime layer inside slow-draining plumbing, or on an old, sour mop or sponge. Really gross.
Mother fruit flies lay about 200-300 eggs at a time
From the time the mother fruit fly lays her eggs until you see the fruit flies buzzing around is about 7-13 days
As soon as the babies hatch, they start reproducing about 24 hours later
Although this sounds a lot like some pharmacy patients, at least a fruit fly doesn’t wonder how it actually happened or complain about the true definition of entitlement. That’s a whole post itself. And it will be ‘infested’ with anger – entitlement my ass!
I also searched ways to get rid of theses creatures; the fruit flies, that is.
Smackin’ the buggers with your hands. Unfortunately, I swat at them so hard I hit other things. This is bad. So, I let my kids do that and I concentrate on the traps.
The first trap is to pile a bunch of fruit in some cone shaped thing and cover it with cellophane. Then poke holes in the cellophane. If you ask me, this is way too much work. Cellophane is a pain in the ass to use, especially on something cone shaped. And the fruit… . Well, that’s just nast after just a short time.
The last, and most successful, method is another trap. For this one all you do is pour Apple Cider Vinegar, dishwashing soap, and a tiny bit of fruit juice or wine in a small saucer and leave it on the counter top. They all die in a drunkin’ stupor.
Well, that it for the randomness that is ‘where the hell are all of these fruit flies coming from?’. The next few posts will be a complete 180. I swear that I’m really not as OCD as the topics that circulate this blog might suggest. Really.
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September 15, 2014
Climb Every … Massage Client
If I could, I would probably get a massage once a week. But, I can’t. So I often splurge on birthdays and what not to curb the fix.
I’ve had my share of humorous, yet surprisingly NOT awkward moments getting massages, too. I’ve been pounded, walked on AND sat on by all sorts of women to achieve the desired affect – my relaxation. If that doesn’t sound ‘sketch’, I don’t what would . Be that as it may, my most memorable massage experience happened within the last year. Rarely do I size up the masseuse, making preliminary judgments as I do in other situations. With retail pharmacy I can tell you exactly what a certain customer is going to complain even before he/she opens their fuckin’ mouth. With the masseuse, I’m usually quite impartial. It’s their job. Besides I usually only go to a masseuse that has been recommended; not by a testimonial, I might add. However as the therapist in question approached me, I was skeptical. She was this short, frail, gray-haired woman. After introductions, I was informed that she was IN The Red Hats WITH my Mother-in-Law AND her grandson went to school with my youngest. Yes, the Red Hat Society and GRANDSON. But she was nice and it was a Gift Certificate. Instantly expectations were lowered. Really, how bad could it be?
The massage progressed smoothly. Since there was so much tension in my back and she was smaller in physical stature, she needed a ‘better angle’ to work the desired area. So, she mounted me. Yes, you read that correctly. There I was face down on a massage table and some sixty something grandmother climbs on top of me – and starts to work out those … kinks. After a moment she paused and asked, “are you okay with this?”
Aside from snickering like a school boy, I calmly responded, “yes.” The massage progressed smoothly. End of story.
Recently, though, I’ve had better. Not ‘the experience’, mind up, but the actual massage technique.
Cupping therapy is a form of alternative medicine in which cups are placed on the skin to create suction. The cups can be made of a variety of materials, including:
Glass
Bamboo
Earthenware
Supporters of cupping therapy believe the suction of the cups mobilizes blood flow to promote the healing of a broad range of medical ailments. Cupping therapy dates back to ancient Egyptian, Chinese, and Middle Eastern cultures.
What’s even cooler is that the cups leave these circular, bruise-like marks; gross, but really cool at the same time. Great conversation starters. That’s if you wanted to start conversations with people. Usually I don’t. But, I’m sure if you did, the topic would be interesting.
Well, that’s it on the whole mounted massage – cupping experiences I’ve had. Though you should all be comforted to know that if anything else equally memorable occurs in the future, I will share the details.
Sucks to be you, eh?
Get it? cupping – suction. Oh well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2mawaBrvFg
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September 10, 2014
eighteen pages – front and back
A better clue would’ve included the question – “You fell a-sleep?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsvsRZhNVp4
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September 4, 2014
The Hiding Hand Principle – The Commentary
I warned you and here it is – my commentary. Originally I thought to compose one big post. But that would be a lot of words and writing and reading. Who has time for that shit? Remember I only read captions in Vanity Fair articles. So splitting into two posts seemed a good decision. Besides, my commentary needed its own space.
I guess it all started with something that happened in the under developed village of Karnaphuli in Pakistan . A paper / pulp mill was built there using bamboo as raw material for its product. Bamboo is quite plentiful in that part of the world. What no one realized was the bamboo plant flowers once every 50 to 70 years, then THE ENTIRE PLANT DIES. Also, it was unknown at the turnaround time for the new bamboo to mature. So 85% of this mill’s raw material “flowered and then, poetically but quite uneconomically, died”.
Damn bamboo!
The time investment in the mill was already substantial so these people needed to get creative to figure out what options – if any – where available. The mill imported bamboo from neighboring villages which created waterways, stimulating even more development, if you will, than expected. Lemonade anyone?
I included the pdf for the principle in the previous post. But it’s boring economic shit. Thankfully I was able to get what I needed so I could be done. I only read half. In my defense it is eighteen pages – front and back.*
The more and more I thought about this ‘principle’ the less and less the initial ‘ahh, that’s really cool’ reaction was sustained. If you think about it – there is no easy way to do anything. There are always going to be obstacles and setbacks and frustration. Reality really does bite. The underlining theme of never giving up versus what’s the use on trying has inspired books, movies, music and countless Olympic worthy stories.
I feel a bit, I don’t know, lost as I write this. Like I said I was totally geeked about this whole thing in the beginning, which was some weeks ago. Then life slapped in the face and I had the worst sales month and the longest stretch without a sale in months. Boo-fuckin’-hoo for me, right?
Ugh! I’ll get over it.
Last night someone gave me an idea about another way to stimulate sales. So in a few days after the ‘ugh’ is done. I’m on it. Remember, I will be a New York Times Number One Best Selling Author soon. Unfortunately that climb remains just that; a fuckin’ pain in my ass.
Speaking of that climbing shit, the link below is to a very sappy song that pretty much sums up everything I’ve just written. I hesitated because it’s sooo sappy, but I love it anyway especially since it was in the artists pre-twerking days.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmKsCMgROCQ
*truthfully it was only one-sided, but if ANYONE can name the show from which the bold-faced line is from – you totally rock
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September 1, 2014
The Hiding Hand Principle – The Concept
The hiding hand principle is the idea that when a person decides to take on a project, the ignorance of future obstacles allows the person to rationally choose to undertake the project, and once it is underway the person will utilize his creativity to overcome the obstacles he encounters because it is too late to abandon the project. The term was coined by economist Albert O. Hirschman.
Hirschman described the concept of the hiding hand principle in the second section of his essay “The Principle of the Hiding Hand” where he states:
We may be dealing here with a general principle of action. Creativity always comes as a surprise to us; therefore we can never count on it and we dare not believe in it until it has happened. In other words, we would not consciously engage upon tasks whose success clearly requires that creativity be forthcoming. Hence, the only way in which we can bring our creative resources fully into play is by misjudging the nature of the task, by presenting it to ourselves as more routine, simple, undemanding of genuine creativity than it will turn out to be.
Or, put differently: since we necessarily underestimate our creativity it is desirable that we underestimate to a roughly similar extent the difficulties of the tasks we face, so as to be tricked by these two offsetting underestimates into undertaking tasks which we can, but otherwise would not dare, tackle. The principle is important enough to deserve a name: since we are apparently on the trail here of some sort of Invisible or Hidden Hand that beneficially hides difficultiesfrom us, I propose “The Hiding Hand.”
Don’t worry – my commentary will soon follow.
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August 27, 2014
WB 2 skool stdnts
Well, I held out longer this year than previous years. That being said – I am so over summer break right now. These kids NEED to go back to school. Yes, I certainly enjoyed sleeping in, but the fighting, attitudes AND constant “I’m bored” is working my every last nerve. While we’re at it, all these tourists just need to go away because I’m done with them, too. Snowbirds – outta here. I realize that won’t happen until mid to late October – or until they get their damn flu shot – but I can dream, can’t I?
Ugh!
All anger/frustration aside, my summer was nice. Granted none of my plans were weather dependent. Living in Northern Michigan you learn to never make plans that are weather dependent. Wish I went to the beach more, of course. And there were a few ‘I wish I would’ve done that’ moments. All in all it was fine. My only true regret was that I didn’t get to see Five For Fighting at Interlochen. John Ondrasik performed with some Interlochen orchestra students. I’m sure it was amazing. We were out of town at a family reunion. Actually it was my wife’s family AND what happened there was jus as … entertaining. I could do a whole post on the concept that is ‘the family reunion’. But – insert heavy sigh – maybe next year.
Instead, I will leave with you with this -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR-qQcNT_fY
Side note -
While I was surfing the web looking for the appropriate cartoon to introduce this post, I came across the link below. It’s a conglomeration of ‘the best/funniest’ back to school commercials. I only made it through the first few. There was a sweet one about passing notes in class. The rest were marginal. Remember, though, I’m a jaded individual Though there was one that caught my attention, a bit awkwardly, I might add. Call me crazy, but watching prep-school girls doing a song and dance number to celebrate eight hour coverage for tampons IS awkward.
Don’t believe – just watch!
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August 20, 2014
Ode to Idaho
Really it’ s an Ode to potatoes. But Ode to Idaho had a nice ring to it.
Let me begin with the whole potato or potatoe thing? Never really understood the argument there - potato refers to one and potatoes refers to many. As for that difference in pronunciation … . Don’t even get me started
That being said, let me continue with my random thoughts on potatoes.
Why?
First of all it’s fun. The next few post topics I have on tap are quite the opposite. So, fun (and random) are good. Secondly, I love potatoes. I have always been and always will be a meat and potatoes dude. Lastly, I just harvested my ‘crop’. Yes, it was cool. No, I will not give Idaho a run for their money. Therefore, I’m totally in the moment. Because this post has the potential for lots of rambling, I decided to bullet point my random thoughts. Any attempt for structure at this point is needed. You will thank me later. Or decide not to continue reading. Hopefully it’s NOT the latter. I promise to have fun with this.
Potatoes have gotten a bad rap the last few decades. Total annual consumption has dropped nearly 25% since 1996. The starch content scares those calorie/weight conscious types; blame Adkins. However, few realize the health benefits and the sustained digestive satisfaction.
There is a misconception that potatoes take too much time to prepare. The busy life style of today just doesn’t warrant such tedious tasks. You know that whole peeling concept is so labor intensive. I don’t know how generations did it for so long.
To combat these ‘people’ who shun such an incredible side dish, growers are presenting the petite and fingerling alternatives. Both types microwave in shorter time. So often ‘busy’ is such a cop out. ’Lazy’ is a much better description.
In 1949, some year-old company named McDonald’s – never heard of the place- started the French Fry craze. No one has ever looked back since.
Recipe alternative – add another root vegetable and mash the shit out of them. My grandmother added carrots to her mash whenever she served pork. A Martha Stewart recipe called for fingerling/new potatoes to be diced and cooked/boiled in beer. Both are now staples in my household.
Mashed, Au gratin, steamed – the family favorite is – drum roll – MASHED.
I love skiing in Sun Valley, Idaho. It’s just amazing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zflA0uTOL4E The Bodeans totally rock this.
Simply because people ARE that stupid AND don’t know their geography -
http://www.popscreen.com/p/MTYwMzkzMjg2/Vtg-University-of-Iowa-Idaho-City-Ohio-Soft-T-Shirt-L *
Lastly, how can a reference to potatoes be complete without including Mr. Potato Head? A friend of mine has a funny story about her father resembling the Toy Story favorite – think Barney Rubble -but I think if I try and retell that, I would totally ruin the story.
So, there you have it – my Ode to potatoes.
Mash on!
*the t-shirt with this concept I owned was much better looking. And, at the time, Ohio and Idaho both had equal amount of fun with it. I wanted all three t-shirts, but I was a starving college student at that time and one was a splurge.
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August 13, 2014
You should write a Testimonial
Let me first start by saying something - I hate testimonials.
Not that those that know me would ever think otherwise, of course. What’s worse are the people - entrepreneurial vultures of products with questionable validity that prey on the weaker minded consumers looking for guidance – that urge clients/customers to do just that and write a fucking testimonial.
I hate testimonials.
What exactly is a testimonial you ask? Well, according to Yahoo – usually I go to the old fashioned dictionary and look it up. But I was tired and lazy and just opened a new tab – the definition is as follows:
A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.
A written affirmation of another’s character or worth; a personal recommendation.
Something given in appreciation of a person’s service or achievement; a tribute.
People are obsessed with these damn testimonials, too. Everyone knows that if there is a positive testimonial about a certain product or service, it must be true. Right? If that’s the case, then I love retail pharmacy. And I ‘m selling swampland in Florida – at a really good price.
What a crock of shit!
These entrepreneurs of said questionable products or services promise everything AND results that will certainly astound even the extreme medical pessimist. Why wouldn’t their product or service? There’s a testimonial to prove it.
Also, these people are in control of their own websites and can determine which testimonials are or are not included.
I originally felt a tad hypocritical slamming this topic so vehemently. Why? I want people to review my work, hopefully favorably. My 100th post was supposed to be celebrated with another five star review to commemorate my … blah, blah, blah. But that never happened. Instead I posted something stupid, although it was randomly fun. However, if I had received a marginal review I would not have posted it. Why would I? See why I’m conflicted? But that marginal review would be there on Amazon or Good Reads for all to see.
That, to me, is the difference. I am not trying to manipulate the reader. Hell, with Amazon you can preview the first chapter, borrow it, AND refund it. Seeing a refund on your sales report is painful. A negative review – Now, that just makes me want to reevaluate my entire existence while curled up in the fetal position.
I just realized that I am rambling. My ultimate objective was to attempt to explain the difference between a testimonial and a review. Furthermore, I wanted to depict the evil existence that are testimonials. However upon rereading what I have just written I’m not sure either task was achieved. Total fail.
I wish I had a witty anecdote to complete this post. I don’t. Instead, I will take the immature, but proper, textbook ‘theme-type’ approach and come full circle.
I hate testimonials.
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August 4, 2014
My Favorite Posts 2014
Well, it’s that time again. I’m a few weeks off schedule from last year, but some of the more recent posts have been ‘time sensitive’, therefore pushing the scheduled entries back. Who cares. For me it’s all fun. So without any more pretense, on with my selections.
08-13-2013 But We Just Got Here
Will always love Carly Simon who penned this song. No, I’m not a girl. A few months back I purchased an aloe vera plant in anticipation of the upcoming beach season – breaking open the leaves remains the best remedy for sunburn. Unfortunately, the weather is worse this year than 2013. Once again this IS Northern Michigan. Expectations need to be constantly adjusted.
09-10-2013 121 TCE
09-25-2013 Intend
Speaking of expectations, … . When I originally posted these, each entry seemed unfinished separately. But I decided that when combined, they are complete. By the way, I tried to watch the third season of Revenge. Still didn’t do it for me. I constantly reread parts of The Power of Positive Thinking. I work retail – I need all the help I can get.
10-01-2013 Allergies, Aneurysms, and Anxiety
Allergies – yes. Aneurysms – no thankfully. Anxiety – what do you think?
10-22-2013 Angry Immunization Rant
Ugh – flu shots – at the corner of give me your damn arm and shut the fuck up.
11-09-2013 Faux Pas
This post was just fun. My etiquette has not improved over the past year. In fact, I fart now more than ever. Also, sat on a pea the other day during dinner. Luckily nothing stained my shorts. Though I can’t say the same for those farts. Gross.
02-06-2014 Bored Games
I think we’ve played more this year than last. Discovered a new fast paced card game called – Spot it! It’s snappy.
04-01-2014 IBTWYPDB / 04-04-2014 Inquiring Minds …
It’s about the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue AND a picture of Elle MacPherson. In a bathing suit. Enough said!
04-16-2014 That random question about an Easter candy staple
Brach’s repeat after me – it’s a jelly bean! Take that ‘differentiation between an every day and seasonal item’ and shove it in your rabbit hole.
05-13-2014 Success
I deserve success. Everyone does. I guarantee by My Favorite Posts 2015 success will be my reality.
07-09-2014 I Dreamed A Dream
Haven’t had a repeat that I can recall. Though my 25th college reunion is this fall at the big, bad University of Iowa – Go Hawks. So I’m thinkin’ my subconscious mind will go into overdrive. Sounds pretty fun if you ask me.
Well, there they are in all it’s blogging glory. I’m proud of what I churned out this past year. Once again, thanks to all who read and/or follow.
May the blog be with you.
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