Adam Thomas's Blog, page 30
April 9, 2015
random thoughts on recently posted nonsense
Like the title suggests, below are some updated comments/thoughts on previously posted nonsense. There is no order of appearance.
I experienced a new massage technique. Apparently, it involved getting ‘set on fire’. I was fine. The building burned down, but I was fine.
The Blog Master returned. Removed the ‘original’ review. It was outdated; good, but outdated. Besides, it’s posted in the Reviews tab. Also a Widget to Robert C. Bradshaw’s book In Your Eyes will soon be added. Remember, we are practically the same person. So, buy that book, too.
Elle MacPherson is pregnant at age 51. At least that’s what the Internet reported. And, as everyone knows, everything on the Internet is true. Just ask Miley Cyrus.
Apparently, Lorne Michaels doesn’t allow video clips on youtube. I’m glad I didn’t waste too much time searching the archives for that Chris Farley/Paul McCartney interview. Though that James Franco clip I included should be watched in its entirety. The Nicki Minaj / Willow tree ass segment is comic genius.
Progressive Insurance has a new commercial recreating the dinner scene from The Nutty Professor . As wonderful as Flo is, the commercial falls flat. But kudos for creativity.
The Easter Bunny post was no April Fool’s joke. Though a recent conversation made me rethink everything. Well, Easter staples related that is. I’m not THAT deep. Anyway, all I can say is it involved conspiracy theories – dentists- cavities. See where I’m goin’ here?
Still hate New York, BUT that Taylor Swift album 1989 is so addictive. Clean is climbing the Soundtrack of My Life charts. Speaking of that, I’ve decided to start big. Translation: I’m focusing on albums first. More on that soon.
It’s Springtime here in Northern Michigan. The temperature has finally risen from the negative digits. So, the Yaktraks are officially stored for the season. I still think the picture of that Yak is hilarious.
My Valentine/Christmas card was a huge hit even with the ellipsis misplacement.
My daughter, the one who can burp on commend, turned twelve recently. For her birthday, I made her favorite meal – pulled pork and homemade Mac N’ Cheese. The pork was served on The Original King’s Hawaiian Sweet Rolls. Wow! It was amazing.
My son is constantly rediscovering the wonders of passed musical artists. Could be the music today is total shit and he’s forced to find alternative, talented musicians? Heard this song being played and couldn’t help but stop and listen. I was never a Wizard of Oz / Judy Garland fan. This rendition (and scenery) is simply beautiful. It was also the closing credits for a movie filmed in Hawaii. That was bait, by the way. Any takers?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_DKWlrA24k
Random rules!
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April 1, 2015
Spillin’ the jelly bird eggs (on an Easter icon)
Okay, here it is. The rant that will take down Easter Bunny lovers everywhere. April 16, 2014, I posted that I had e-mailed Brach’s about the whole jelly bird egg thing, I concluded with - Now about that Easter Bunny … .
Like the origin of Easter, the origin of the Easter Bunny has roots that go back to pre-Christian, Anglo-Saxon history. The holiday was originally a pagan celebration that worshipped the goddess Eastre. She was the goddess of fertility and springtime and her earthly symbol was the rabbit. Thus the pre-Christian Anglo-Saxons worshipped the rabbit believing it to be Eastre’s earthly incarnation.
Spring also symbolized new life and rebirth; eggs were an ancient symbol of fertility. According to History.com, Easter eggs represent Jesus’ resurrection. However, this association came much later when Roman Catholicism became the dominant religion in Germany in the 15th century and merged with already ingrained pagan beliefs.
The first Easter Bunny legend was documented in the 1500s. By 1680, the first story about a rabbit laying eggs and hiding them in a garden was published. These legends were brought to the United States in the 1700s, when German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania Dutch country, according to the Center for Children’s Literature and Culture.
The tradition of making nests for the rabbit to lay its eggs in soon followed. Eventually, nests became decorated baskets and colorful eggs were swapped for candy, treats and other small gifts.
Still, still, still don’t get it. Easter is like the be all end all of religious holidays. But the Easter Bunny…. . Please. From what I’ve read, it’s been around for awhile though. So, it’s not like you can blame Hallmark for this one. I get the ‘renewal’ part. And, I do like the egg hunt thing. But to convince your child a bunny hops from house to house, leaving treats in baskets. Well, that’s just setting children up for disbelief on everything fictional.
Don’t get me wrong, I love cupid – no pun intended there. The Irish thing for St. Patrick’s Day works. I’m more of a St. Joseph’s Day guy myself. I’m Irish AND Polish so really – good on both. The Pumpkins and ghosts spook the Halloween scene accordingly. I’m even a Tooth Fairy dude. And, Santa well … . When we had to tell my youngest ‘the truth’… . That just broke my heart. Though, we insisted the Spirit of Christmas will always exist.
But – ugh – the Easter Bunny hopping around to deliver eggs and … . Just can’t do it; never have. From day one, I told my children there was no such thing. It’s not like it stunted their emotional growth in any way.
Oddly, my mother loves The Charlie Brown Easter special - It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown or some nonsense like that. Go figure. But, I do love my mother.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbRi1hflGvM
The rant stops here.
By the way, there’s a sale on Brach’s Jelly Bird Eggs down the promotional aisle.
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March 26, 2015
missed opportunity?
Maybe not -
So, last weekend I was downstate for my daughter’s State Hockey Tournament. The team did great and it was fun. But, something happened – or didn’t happen - that prompted the idea for this post.
http://www.thenewsherald.com/articles/2015/03/21/news/doc55074fc27fe23070222406.txt
On Saturday, I got wind that Elle MacPherson was actually in the vicinity, watching her stepson play hockey. You can only imagine my reaction, especially considering my ‘tribute’ post to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models in April 2014. I mapquested her location. The vicinity turned out to be a bit of a distance. Remember though, THS IS ELLE MACPHERSON. Still, there were obligations. Fortunately, those obligations were appropriately timed. Which meant getting in my car, racing to the rink to see Elle , then returning before my daughter’s next game was so doable. If John and Dave, my friends from college, were there I wouldn’t have thought twice about doing such a thing. However, they weren’t. And, I think way too much. Translation – I didn’t go.
Heavy sigh!
Retrospectively, it’s probably better that I stayed behind.
First of all, the week before some tanker exploded on I-94 and, like, burned the expressway. This IS Detroit, mind you. Expressways burn on a regular basis there. So, the road was closed. I have enough detours in my life that I need to deal with, knowingly venturing off on a new one would totally ruin the spontaneity of the mission.
Second of all, my ‘seemingly harmless excursion’ has stalker AND ‘weird creepy’ written all over it. Remember, I AM done with that shit, man.
Lastly, and more importantly, what would I have said? Think about it. I’m really bad in those types of situations. I often ramble with the written word. So you can only imagine what I would be like in a nervous confrontation – WITH ELLE MACPHERSON. My mouth would probably hang open; drool running down the side of my cheek. It wouldn’t be pretty.
It would be a totally different situation if say, I was at a function and was introduced to Ms. MacPherson by a mutual party. Yes, that scenario would probably never happen, but … .
Heavy sigh!
I asked a few friends what each would say if confronted with meeting their equivalent of Elle MacPherson. A friend likened her response to an SNL skit with Chris Farley interviewing Paul McCartney. I tried desperately hard to find that clip, but couldn’t. While the bit I decided to include is ‘awkward’ in a different way, it is seriously funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFH_uTvhw4k
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March 20, 2015
The dinner table
I struggled with the best introduction for this post. It’s an idea that has been slow-cookin’ in the back of my mind for some time. Think - crock pot?! Sorry, that was a really bad analogy. Anyway, … .
A few years back, there was this ‘campaign’ to get families to the table again. Thus, the previously posted commercial. While the idea behind the campaign was genuine, I was outraged, disappointed, and then just … sad. What happened? Why did there have to be a television commercial ‘campaign’ to get families together?
Yes, everyone is busy. I get it, okay? I work retail. Which means, I work retail hours. Translation: I’m not home for dinner every night. So I really do get it. Sometimes I think the ‘we’re so busy’ is more of an excuse than a reality. Boo-fucking-hoo. Deal with it.
The majority of time my family hates each other. Everyone’s does. But occasionally, we do have nice moments. Yes, they may be few, but we still have them. And those moments are usually AT THE DINNER TABLE. Sometimes, there really are scheduling conflicts. If that’s the case, change the time. I know a family that eats breakfast together everyday. This family makes it work. And, hell, it’s breakfast. So it’s gots to be good!
Below are a few fun dinner table moments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F01j4WWOLnA
Whether it’s the matron humming, keeping watch on everything that transpires or siblings arguing about what the word diet actually means, this is the what the dinner table is all about. Thankfully, Michael Douglas has never been mentioned at our table. Furthermore, no one in my family likes the word moist. So, we are good there. By the way, my youngest daughter can burp on command; usually at the table. It’s a talent from my side. I’m proud of that. Really. (sorry the clip was so long)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qfuvul-g6ws
Saw this dinner table scene in the trailer for the movie. As a family we haven’t had to open, let alone shut any real doors. Yet. Though as uncomfortable as some doors may be, being there to discuss the ‘mechanics’ of those doors is crucial. I will always be there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9X7G9-2PRc
Poor Raymond. Such an easy target. This show was a weekly staple for us. However, I stopped watching toward the end. Debra really got overbearing. Bitch would be a better word. So, I had to stop. But this scene is awesome. Marie rocks. Frank… . Well, Frank is Frank. He is funny, though. Regardless, this scene says it all.
So, there it is. My commentary on the importance of the dinner table. That being said, may I please be excused?
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March 17, 2015
the appetizer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egi_bCF63Iw
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March 11, 2015
Tuck Everlasting
The sky was a ragged blaze of red and pink and orange, and its double trembled on the surface of the pond like color spilled from a paintbox. The sun was dropping fast now, a soft red sliding egg yolk, and already to the east there was a darkening to purple. … Across the pond a bullfrog spoke a deep note of warning. … The rowboat slipped from the bank then, silently, and glided out, tall water grasses whispering away from its sides, releasing it.
Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
I will never write a paragraph, let alone an entire novel, as effortlessly beautiful. Am I capable? Probably. Will it happen? Probably not. I have a different style. And, I am okay with that.
The reason I highlight this particular book is because I just finished reading it. But, I saw the equally amazing 2002 movie FIRST.
Which brings me to the reason for this post AND an age old matter of contention. Book or movie? Which was better? Unfortunately, it’s complicated. Of course it’s complicated. Why wouldn’t it be?
Books have been and continue to be a great source of Hollywood material. The Harry Potter series, Hunger Games, Fifty Shades of Grey – the list is endless. Oh, did I mention My Life As A Retail Pharmacist - A Fictionalized Memoir would make a great movie? Well, it would or will. As a writer, you fantasize about when Hollywood comes calling. And, which actor will play the coveted characters you’ve created. It’s what gets you through the really rough days of writer’s block, editing, and rejection. Look at the actor selection process that went into Fifty Shades of Grey. That was crazy. By the way, I think Jason Bateman, Topher Grace, or even that Eddie dude who just won an Oscar would make a great Adam Thomas.
The reason my situation with Tuck Everlasting is complicated is because, like I said, I saw the movie first. Usually that’s not the case. So, I knew exactly what was going to unfold, which actor played each character, and – gasp – how that gangly, icky guy in the yellow suit died. My imagination while reading was influenced by the Hollywood version. I don’t recommend it. The movie followed the book precisely, changing just a few details necessary to present an equally endearing movie.
See why it’s complicated? If I would’ve read the book first, this ‘complication’ wouldn’t be an issue.
Oh well. It’s kind of nice to have such trivial things to blog about, eh?
Anyway, to put us both out of rambling misery, I will close with a simple, yet poignant line. Which, by the way, William Hurt totally rocked the delivery of in the movie.
Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXbbAbDvifw
Sorry about this, but I found another Babbitt bit.
Nothing ever seems interesting when it belongs to you – only when it doesn’t.
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March 3, 2015
twalk, twelk or twilk
Yes, that is a new word I created. At least, I think I did. If not, the origin and definition of my version of the word is quite original. First, let me apologize right now for two ‘vocabulary’ posts in a row. The last post was planned for some time. This one … was not.
Back to my new word. Oh, by the way, I would probably choose twalk. It just sounds better.
Origin - the combination of the words tweet or twitter and stalk
Definition – to stalk someone via tweets or on twitter
Simple yet disturbing at the same time.
Let me explain.
In my unwavering attempt to gain exposure, I am constantly trying to think of creative ideas to, ya know, get myself out there. In the days of snail mail, I would query agencies, inquiring about representation. That was a long, painful process that yielded rejection and my frustration, of course. Every agency had guidelines – the ole’ what to do / what not to do. One what not to do that I never did was harass an agency/agent with multiple submissions and/or unwanted phone calls.
Today, the internet and social media has definitely expedited the process. Rejection is still painful, but at least the wait time is shorter. Did I mention that rejection is painful?
Remember, I am not the social media fiend. I only opened my twitter account to promote my effort. Then quickly decided it wasn’t really worth the effort and focused my attention elsewhere. Until - insert cartoon picture of light bulb - I realized I could tweet to anyone who had an account. Even if that party didn’t follow me, the tweet I sent to that party WAS ALWAYS RECEIVED.
See where a desperate indie author trying to gain exposure could go apeshit over this. Granted the poor soul on the receiving end probably ignores tweets from random individuals. Ashton Kutcher has, like, one bizzilion followers. I’m thinkin’ his finger is constantly positioned over the DELETE button.
Anyway, I targeted an innocent individual that was considered a ’risk taking movie producer, specializing in literary unknowns’. Of course, my book would make a great movie. Thus the twalking began.
Yes, I had fun with it. Especially at the end when I somehow felt a ‘connection’ may have been made. No, my harassing wasn’t obnoxious. It was limited to either ‘replies’ on questions for all the party’s followers or a random tweet about a recent post. Then one day a tweet was posted by the twalkee that I thought was directed toward me. I felt incredibly guilty for what I had done. I’m Catholic. We specialize in self-inflicted guilt. I sent one last tweet, apologizing for my actions.
Then, I continued to follow this party and realized the ‘tweet’ was most likely directed to another party. Insert sigh of relief. Though, I am a tad disappointed my ‘connection’ was actually a disconnect.
Oh, well. I Am officially done with twalking AND vocabulary lessons.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRBoPveyETc
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February 25, 2015
May the blog be with you
noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\
: a Web site on which someone writes about personal opinions, activities, and experiences.
Actually the word blog can be a noun – referring to a specific site or a verb – referring to what I do here.
So, what is it I do here, you may ask? Other than put people to sleep, rambling on about nonsense? Hmmm.
Recently, I went for an annual tune-up. Not the automotive type, checking the ‘vital stats’ of my car, ensuring its performance in subzero temperatures. And definitely not the yearly ‘turn your head and cough’ evaluation that is just loads of fun for all involved. Though, I am overdue for both - cough, cough. Ugh!
I’m talkin’ blog check-up. Ya’ know, tweaking this vehicle of my random rants. This year I had the privilege to meet with the Blog Master himself – the Yoda of all that is blog. For simplicity sake, let’s just call him Mark. I missed Mark in previous years primarily because of scheduling issues. Also, I really had nothing pressing to discuss. So, why schedule if there’s nothing to discuss?
This year however, I had a concern. I work hard on my blog-sense and wanted to ensure my posts were backed up. That’s right. I wanted to be archived, baby. I was assured there is an auxiliary storage system, but I wanted more. The Yoda master delivered. Even before I arrived, Mark had a flash drive with adamthomasrph.com already uploaded. Insert sigh of relief.
Then he adjusted my settings and panels and a bunch of other shit I have no idea how to access. So, I am good to … blog on.
Since I referred to Mark as the Yoda of all that is blog here in Traverse City, MI, I googled some quotes from the green guy himself.
When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hmmm?
–YODA, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
I may not be nine hundred, but fifty is right around the corner. However, ‘look as good’ is what I do. Or at least try to do. Though I am beginning to question my attempt at all that is vane. I was semi-insulted the other day when someone told me I could easily pass for … 42. What the fuck is that? 42? Ugh!
If no mistake have you made, yet losing you are … a different game you should play.
–YODA, Shatterpoint
This proverb is right up my ‘I Am’ alley. For, I Am ready for a different game to play.
Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.
–YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
The quote should really read retail pharmacy IS anger, hate and suffering. Ouch!
Sorry, couldn’t pass up an opportunity to slam my non-fictionalized choice of professions. But, remember, my game is about to change.
Bring it. Or in this case, blog it!
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February 19, 2015
Another MasterCard Moment – Niagara style
enhanced Driver’s license : $45.00
fine for driving 50km/h over the 100km/h speed limit: $10,000
budget the city of Niagara Falls, NY spends on snow removal: $0.00
laughing with the parents, watching the kids unwind: priceless
Yes, another hockey tournament has come and gone. The outcome wasn’t exactly what we had wanted, but it was memorable. For some reason the 445 miles each way was the easy part of the weekend. I did purchase Taylor Swift’s 1989 for my daughter and I to sample as we drove. Speaking of that, I logged quite a bit of ’thought time’ regarding the Soundtrack of My Life post. It’s still in the cocoon stage, but soon. Very soon. Note – T. Swift’s Welcome to New York WILL NOT be selected for that post, but I decided to include a link below. I love the retro-ish quality of the song. Still, I hate New York right now.
I guess the falls are frozen. Just like the hearts of many New Yorkers – just kidding, okay. But seriously, they drive like shit on even shitter, unplowed roads and just don’t care. Oh well. The staff at the hotel was nice and accommodating. So maybe there’s hope for the rest of New York. Maybe.
Speaking of driving, I initially thought the 100 speed limit in Canada was mph. Thankfully my daughter corrected me, reminding me Canada follows the metric system – 100km/h. Although driving 100mph would’ve been awesome, paying $10,000 would NOT be … priceless.
Can’t think of too much more to write. So, I’ll stop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr5VtFvSyw
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February 12, 2015
Be My … belated Christmas Card
For the last few years, sending Christmas cards has not been a huge priority. Yes, I eventually send them, but it’s usually not until early to mid January. Who cares? Besides, a number of recipients have commented that the card actually gets looked at instead of thrown in the heap with countless others. I’ve contemplated converting to New Years Greetings to co-inside with my timeliness, but realized that would take more effort than I care to expend AND there’s the rebuttal from my wife, contending the discounted rate is better at 100 than 50. Imagine that!
To answer the next question. Yes, my wife and I have separate address books. Some find this unusual. But I am a responsible adult that can take care of my own friends and their addresses. Also, remember I am a Hallmark junkie.
Unfortunately, this past season really got away from me. When it came time to order the cards, I actually considered bowing out this year. Gasp! Then decided otherwise and received the 100 count price. Read my mind, okay.
New Years came and went. My cards still sat there. By the way, my reluctance – maybe that’s not the best word to choose – had nothing to do with laziness. I am not and will never be a lazy ass. However, life does throw you lemons; prioritizing is essential. So is finding a new recipe to make that damn lemonade. But that’s a whole nother story.
Then a flash of brilliance struck. It does happen from time to time. I decided to send my Christmas cards for Valentine’s Day. A novel idea if I do say so myself. Our card this year was non-descript – Only Merry Christmas was written on the front with a generic Shutterfly ‘wishing you blah, blah, blah in 2015′. Snowflakes where the background. Perfect. I decided to slap and address label with the words …
Be our … belated Christmas card*
Happy Valentine’s Day
… over the Merry Christmas. The rest just worked – sometimes generic phrasing is best. For the snowflakes… . It snows until May here in Northern Michigan. So, I was golden.
My problem was solved.
Here’s another offering for that Hallmark holiday I recently found in my inbox. Thx Kimmie.
*Unfortunately my … was misplaced. The actual address label read – Be our belated … Christmas card. But it is correct here. To me, that’s really all that matters.
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