Adam Thomas's Blog, page 29

Meet Mel Humphrey

Full name:             Melvin Victor Humphrey

Hair color:            Gray – touch of ‘pepper’, but very little.  Also, MPB  (horseshoe head) goin’ on.

Height:                   5′ 8″

Weight:                  230lbs – dominant beer belly; full  face

Occupation:          retired accountant

Eye color:              blue – with glasses; thick glasses

Fashion:               Plaid/Hawaiian Shirt, Bermuda shorts, white sock – sandals.  Possible baseball hat/fishing hat - only profile topic debated.

Mannerisms:       sighs heavily – often; soft spoken, yet irritated when asked to repeat something

Marital status:    divorced – happened later in life when children (2) were grown.  Ex-wife happily living in The Villages, FL.

Hobbies:             wants to enjoy water activities – boating, fishing, etc - and golf, but does neither. He’s too cheap to spend his money. Remember, he was an accountant.  Instead, he sits on his deck, reading Louis L’Amour novels feet inside a blow up pool filled with tepid water.  By the way, those trusty  socks and sandals are within arms reach.

Medical History: High Blood Pressure, Seasonal allergies, borderline diabetes

Pharmacy:           Where else? I AM his favorite pharmacist, of course.  (note: sarcastic tone)

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innate and expressive?

Let me start by qualifying one thing – a woman wrote this article AND a female friend brought it to my attention.

That being said, I wonder which gender actually swears more often.  I’m thinkin’ it’s the bitches.  Furthermore, woman pull it off better.  When a man curses, he is ‘vulgar’ and ‘distasteful’.  A woman can shoot her mouth off and … it usually works.  Yes, the spoken words  may be inappropriate, but it’s not as formidable.  Once a man is pegged an asshole there ain’t nothing that will control that damage.

Also, this post is not intended to stir the battle of the sexes pot by any means.  I am just making an observation.  And given the link below,  I’m thinkin’ I’m on to something.

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/reasons-cursing-is-good-for-the-soul/879294/

Below is a brief recap of that article.  Trust me, you will want to click that link because the visuals are really all that.  It channels the Real Housewives of every county and more.

Studies have actually proved that swearing relieves pain! And isn’t that the goal of your little emotional outbursts? It can be quite cathartic.

It makes you feel less pain.

But Richard Stephens of Keele University in England led a study that measured how long 67 college students could keep their hands submerged in ice water.  The group of students was encouraged to yell profanities for one controlled testing, and then to use non-swear words while completing the same test.  The 67 volunteers endured the cold temperatures for 40 seconds longer while screaming obscenities. This group also stated that it felt less pain overall. Stephens even went so far as to say, “I would advise people, if they hurt themselves, to swear.” The clinical term for this? The hypoalgesic effect of swearing.

It helps you feel much more resilient.
It serves as a great coping mechanism.
It helps you emphasize your point.
It makes you feel so much f*cking better.

“Therapy helps, but screaming and cursing is so much cheaper.”   (direct quote.  Correction,  direct tweet)

It helps to create closer bonds with people.

Once again a woman is pictured.  This time it’s Disney’s Snow White blowing a kiss to her BFF.  By the way, there’s a speech bubble.

It’s innate and expressive.

Timothy Jay, a psychologist at the Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts has spent the last 35 years studying the use of profanities. His view on the subject matter? “It allows us to vent or express anger, joy, surprise, happiness. It’s like the horn on your car, you can do a lot of things with that, it’s built into you.”

Swearing and retail pharmacy go hand in hand. Saying, or even pretending to say,  ”Shut the fuck up!”  always puts a smile on my face.  And, yes, I do feel better afterword.

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Damage Control

Lately, damage control is my life.  Ironically enough, I’m not even the one doin’ the damn damage.  So, it is very frustrating.  I mean, you would think it would be me.  From past experience, and for those that know me, my directness can be somewhat abrasive.  Thankfully, my friends and colleagues  know this and do not take anything I say offensively.  With me, there is no out-of-context.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get into shitloads of trouble.  Just my existence gets me into trouble.  But, I can handle that.  The damage control for the things I do, once again, believe or not, is relatively easy.  Especially at work when those teeny, little white lies start… .  I AM that good!

However, doin’ damage control when I ain’t doin’ the damage is getting old.  I could give examples, but I would really get into trouble.  Remember this IS the written word, posted for all to read.  If I recall Sony had a similar problem a few months back.  But that was e-mails.   Still … .

Instead, I consulted a ‘reference’ – I use that term loosely.  The Urban Dictionary is an internet sensation with contents that my youngest would consider ‘sketch’ .  Actually, I think everyone considers it sketch.  However, it’s really funny, sometimes gross, but wildly creative.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

So, what  DOES the Urban Dictionary say about Damage Control?

top definition – an attempt made to correct or rectify a situation that went wrong

Thankfully, I picked a lame word.  With some of the other entries, this is not the case.  However, to spice it up a bit this ‘reference’ adds random words to each definition.  There are 20 words related to each entry, which in my case, is  damage control.

Here are a few that are truely related:

propaganda – when a government says one thing to intentionally get the public to believe something that is mostly lies
BS – bullshit, duh
bullshit – a blatant lie, a fragrant untruth, an obvious fallacy
               – or, the excrement of cattle
greenwashing – when companies pretend to be environmentally friendly when, n fact, they are not
exercise – doing shit at the gym
spinoculation – a type of damage control  industry, public relations or political lobbying , where by the public is “inoculated” against  the inevitable release of information which is potentially threatening … .  Blah, blah, blah

Last, but definitely not least:

fuckbuddy – All the benefits of being in a relationship minus the bullshit like not doing enough for Valentine’s Day or her birthday, not spending 3 months salary on a stupid ring, and not spending enough quality time with her.

The definition of that word has damage written all over it.  Thankfully, that one is beyond my control.

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Class of 2015

Time frozen in memory still,

never empty, my heart fill.

A few weeks back a letter arrived in the mail.  It was written by my son to himself when he was in fifth grade.  It was a class ‘time capsule type’ project.  The teacher – who totally rocks, by the way- saved each letter for nine years then distributed them to the appropriate student a few weeks before graduation from High School.  Cool idea, eh?

The contents were trivial, of course.  What fifth grader really knows what to write to himself/herself at that time for future amusement? After reading the letter, my son laughed, got in the car and went to the grade school to thank the teacher.  What a good kid.  How many other students did that?

To answer a few obvious questions – yes, my son IS graduating from High School shortly, I foreshadow us failing miserably at his party, and I think I’m going to be a mess.

That’s parenting, I guess; watching them grow, feeling like you’re failing miserably.  The being a mess part just comes with the whole experience.  Especially for me,  I have a tendency to be emotionally unstable from time to time, especially when my children are involved.

About the graduation party … .  Yeah, that should be fun.  I couldn’t even get sending the announcements right.  Note to self when the next child graduates: Inner Envelope – DO NOT ADDRESS actually means something.  Licking an envelope that doesn’t have adhesive leaves a nasty, unsightly  stain.  So if anyone received one of those – I’m sorry, okay?!

I wanted so much more for this post.  Attempting to summarize eighteen years leading up to High School graduation is … impossible.  If you think about it, why even attempt such a task.  Instead, I will close with a popular video that really makes no sense.  The lyrics just do not fit the video content.  Ironically, it’s that concept that works well for me here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-TE_Ys4iwM

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I’ve come un…galvanized?

Recently, I’ve realized that my ass has gone a bit … soft.  My ‘buns of steel’ have un-galvanized, corroding into some other substance that I’m not very happy about, okay.  I used to pride myself in having such an ass-et.  That was a joke by the way; as is this entire post.  Butt, it’s already out there.  So I’m just gunna go with it.

First some background info on muscles AND aging.

Muscles take longer to respond to brain signals in your 50s than they did in your 20s.  Furthermore, your muscles can’t repair themselves as quickly as they used to, due to a decrease in enzyme activities and protein turnover.

Damn enzymes!

The water content of tendons (the cord-like tissues that attach muscles to bones) decreases as you age. This change makes the tissues stiffer and less able to tolerate stress.
Age-related muscle loss is also called sarcopenia, which means “vanishing flesh.”

This sounds more like a phenomenon/scenario in a Stephen King story than an ailment.  Regardless, it sounds gross.  Though some of that flabby flesh on my ass could vanish and I would be fine with that.

Changes start as early as your 30s, but most people see the biggest changes between their 40s and 50s.  On average, people lose about 30 percent of their strength between ages 50 and 70, and another 30 percent of what’s left per decade after that. Generally, people lose about 1 percent of their lean muscle mass per year after age 40.

Well, that just sucks.

So now what?

I researched solutions. The search results were abundant.  Moreover, the amount of useless information almost distracted from the useful information.  So, I decided to interpret what I’ve read.  Wow, that should make for an interesting read, eh?

 Behavior modification

Eating turtle cheesecake at 9:30pm is probably a behavior I should modify.  Also, portion control is huge.  Well, it shouldn’t be huge portions, but it should be a huge concept.  Luckily, this has become a natural progression for me.  The cheesecake thing hasn’t progressed as well, but … .  I AM trying to modify.  How does 7:30pm sound instead?

Workout modification

Recently, I was instructed to always engage the buttocks especially during leg exercises.  When this is done, the abs are naturally included, stabilizing, while strengthening the core.  Always push through the heels to complete the movement.  Less weight, increased reps and increased holding time for each rep tones muscle more efficiently.

Reality modification

I realize there is no modification to reality.  However, understanding, then changing negative habits appropriately may aide in acceptance of such things.  Therefore, change is inevitable. Fuck that!  This is not intended to be a motivation post in any way.  Furthermore, I ain’t acceptin’ nothin’.  My goal before I turn fifty is to re-galvanize this ass of mine.  Insert manly grunt.

Break out the Butt-Buster, baby!

The link below is from THE ORIGINAL Buns of Steel series.  Spoiler alert  – it’s really creepy, dated, and … just creepy.  Don’t even get me started on Spandex.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRfdKA7jIzs

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marquee maxims

Okay, okay  maxims  might be pushing it just a bit.  None of the ‘words of wisdom’ included here are proverbs in any way.  The last entry is really good, though.  But, it works for my post title AND gives me the opportunity to comment on the marquee ’wisdoms’ about town.

Every right implies a responsibility.

What about the right to remain silent?

Granted the majority of the people in such a situation should remain silent, but few probably do.  Fortunately, the only person harmed here is the one doing the talking.  Every other right this ‘wisdom’ applies to suggests a greater societal impact if that responsibility is not embraced.  For example, retail pharmacy customers have a responsibility to be polite.  (Note: sarcastic tone) Maybe they should all just remain silent.  That might actually work for me.

Contentment is the ultimate luxury.

I disagree completely.  Moreover, I struggle with this on a regular basis.  On the one hand, I am the ONLY person I know from college that is still doing the same damn job since graduation.  Twenty-five years ago! Some would argue that IS the embodiment of contentment.  Conversely, I have written three novels – two of which are e-published, a screenplay, and a wonderful short I absolutely love.  And, I will not stop until I AM a New York Times Number One Best Selling Author.  In the meantime, I need to be the income for a single-income family.  I AM a responsible adult.  If I was content, none of my ‘conversley’s’ would have ever precipitated.  Right? Then I would just be an angry pharmacist with nothing to sustain my ranting.  I realize few things sustain ranting, but can I just have this one?  Please?

After rereading what I’ve just written, I wonder if it’s all just bullshit excuses to justify contentment.  Fuck that! Retail pharmacy is NOT luxury.  I AM NOT content.

I feel better now.  Thank you.

Attitude plus aptitude equals altitude.

As far as I’m concerned, attitude plus aptitude usually equals asshole.  Maybe arrogance would be a more politically correct term.  But aren’t the two kinda’ synonymous?  Furthermore, when have I ever been politically correct?  Maybe the author is stretching the metaphorical limits, implying that altitude is … lofty.  Who cares?  By the way, this is the same marquee that once proposed the following inane question – If a fly had no wings would it be called a walk?

Need I say more?

What happens when you get scared ‘half-to-death’ twice?

I think you’d be dead. I can see why this saying ‘died’ off.  Yes, that awful pun WAS intended.

Finally, the last offering as referenced above.  Really, it’s all that.

Don’t grow up – it’s a trap!

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Cello! How are you?

So, my daughter chose the cello for her orchestra instrument in middle school.  She took piano for years, but got bored.  A new start in a new school is always a good thing.  For her, the cello is a wonderful fit.  She’s a natural, of course.  They all are, aren’t they?

Anyway, she loves it and has progressed nicely over the school year.  During her Spring concert, I realized that I knew little of the cello.  For those who know me, this is no great shock.  I know very little in general.  Since this IS my daughter and the cello is just real cool, I decided to do what most people who know little do – I googled it.

Cello comes from the Italian term violoncello, which is the lowest-pitched instrument in the viol family. During the twentieth century, it became customary to abbreviate violoncello as “cello.”  Mstislav Rostropovich, a cello virtuoso, was in large part responsible for the growth in the cello repertoire. He commissioned and premiered over 100 new works for cello.
The plural of cello is either celli or cellos.
 Most cellos have a decorative inlay called “purfling”, which gives the cello an aesthetically pleasing appearance.   It also helps prevent cracking of the wood due to playing, travel, weather, or being dropped or struck.  Cellos are available in different sizes to accommodate children and short people.  The standard weight is five to seven pounds.
 Cellos (and other string instruments) are held together using hide glue. This glue is made from boiling animal connective tissue. It is strong, but malleable. The glue is weaker than the wood, allowing it to shrink or expand without cracking the instrument.
 The cello has a rich repertoire of concerti and sonatas. Arguably the most famous and important cello pieces are J.S. Bach’s Six Suites for Cello. The most famous sonatas for cello and piano were written by Beethoven, Mendelssohn, Brahms, Rachmaninoff, Shostakovich, Prokofiev, Poulenc and Britten.  The instrument was highlighted in the Beatle classics Strawberry  Fields  Forever  and  Eleanor  Rigby.

The above being said, I still know very little.  Oh, well.  My daughter is happy.  That’s all that matters.  Also, she discovered that classical music really rocks.  Or, more importantly, is the root of rock and numerous other musical genres.

The two links below are fun.  This cello dude collaborated with The Piano Guys and the result is … wow!   Incredible scenery.  Make sure you watch the second video until the very end.  These Guys have a keen attention to detail.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz4MzJTeL0c

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDsfou6UfjU

I AM titanium!

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I’m seeing stars – five to be exact!

A great read!

April 29, 2015

By Catherine J.


Adam Thomas, fictional retail pharmacist, is someone most people can relate to. He becomes disillusioned in his job but has a family to provide for. He feels his life slipping out of control and uses humor to get through the day until he makes a decision to do what is right and consequences be damned…then his life truly spirals out of control. He finds himself placing trust in others as he seeks to get his life back in order. He doesn’t like not having all the questions answered but he lets others do their job. He gives a glimpse into his private life so we get a feel for Adam Thomas, husband and father, but the story is about Adam Thomas the pharmacist. I enjoyed reading as Mr. Thomas’ life falls apart and comes together again.


Happy May!

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whine and cheese(head)

MADISON, Wis., April 10 (UPI) — A Wisconsin petition is seeking to even the score with “the so-called Great Lakes State” by changing the name of Lake Michigan to “Lake Wisconsin.”

The petition states:

We, the citizens of Wisconsin, feel it’s time for the Great Lake of Michigan to be renamed Lake Wisconsin. For too long Michiganders have gloated over Lake Michigan and their pretty sunsets. From now on, we will exclusively refer to it as Lake Wisconsin until every American joins us.To our west we have the Land of 10,000 Lakes. To our east the so-claimed Great Lakes State. And here we are, left in the middle with nothing but a bunch of farmland, cows, and cheeseheads. It’s time to make a change, this is Lake Wisconsin.

At press time, the petition had roughly 500 signatures.  At blog post time that number could be higher.  But, really, who’s counting?  More importantly, who cares? Definitely not me.

A while back there was a petition signed by over 100,00 people to deport Justin Bieber .  With the required amount of signatures, law dictated the petition go to the White House for consideration.  Of course, the Bieber-buck  stopped there.  Nice thought though, eh?  Ten years from now J. Bie will probably WANT to go back on his own accord.  However, Canada might not even want him.

Like I said in my previous post, life is just such a vast resource of ‘good material’.  But, I will refrain from additional remarks on this ‘petition’.  As far as I’m concerned, all commentary is obvious.  Originally I had the link to the article from which that petition was written.  I decided that was … cheesy.  Instead, I will close with a clip from the Justin Bieber Roast  on Comedy Central a few weeks back.

https://www.yahoo.com/tv/best-jokes-from-comedy-centrals-roast-of-justin-115103704270.html

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coin laundry

Please -

              You are responsible as the user of this laundry equipment to check each washer and dryer for

grease, dye, gum, lipstick, ink, crayon,  or any foreign objects or materials before inserting clothing.

                                                                                                                                                                        - The Management

 

That message is posted in three if not four different locations at  the local Laundromat which is appropriately named - coin laundry.  Yes, I said Laundromat.  Though every time I type the damn word,  auto correct capitalizes it.  I’m a horrible speller and use numerous words out of context.  Does auto correct correct those mistakes? No.  But I try to spell Laundromat with an ‘l’ and … .

Anyway, this post is NOT about my frustration with auto correct, it is about my fond memories of public washing clothes facilities – the Laundromat.   As a writer, there are countless,  neverending reservoirs  of ‘good material’ to draw ideas from for character and plot development - retail pharmacy, Wal-Mart, the bus station, the dinner table, the Laundromat – with a capital L , by the way.  Did I say retail pharmacy? I witness shit everyday at the pharmacy that,  as a writer, I  could never feasibly put down on paper.  Fiction imitating life, man.  No doubt about it.  Read that Memoir of mine.  Then we’ll talk.

The Laundromat is no exception.   I do have a washer and dryer in my home, of course.  However, items such as throw carpets and those big fucking comforters that cost more to dry clean than they did to purchase are wonderful candidates for public washing facilities.   I have a great time-saving approach for this alternate laundry option, too.  There’s a Laundromat directly across the street from the gym.  I throw the stuff in the machine, go to the gym for the 27 minute wash cycle, return during its final spin, and  transfer the items to a dryer.  Then I spend the drying time finishing my workout.

Yes, I AM that good, baby.

Though it is somewhat disappointing knowing that all that ‘good material’ lurking the Laundromat is being wasted.  If I had the luxury to sit and wait for my laundry to be done, maybe I would sacrifice my time for ‘research’.  With the way life has gone lately, that’s really not an option.  Those ‘research’ methods, as well as my patience,  have changed.  My tolerance for ‘quirky’ and ‘interesting‘ has been sucked dry from over twenty years of retail.  Besides, I’ve got a household to run.  I’s aint got time for that shit.

This may be jogging the blogging memory bank, but years ago I ranted about the ‘Art of Folding  Laundry’.  Fortunately, my daughters have since changed their habits.  I guess the annoyance of  having their laundry folded inside out got the best of them.

Thank You -

                        -  The Management

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsXqi-eSkWo

P.S. – Sometimes I use top loaders for my small carpets.

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