M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 45

Finding and/or Creating Balance with Positivity

Positivity is a great tool for finding and/or creating balance.

Photo by FERESHTEH AZADI on Unsplash

Nobody has a life that is utterly fair or easy. Everyone has good days, bad days, amazing days, godawful days, and everything in-between.

When it comes to my life, all I can control is me. That means I can take charge of my life experience, how and what I think, feel, intend, and act upon. Things can, will, and do happen that will cause me to think and feel in certain ways at certain times. But overall, I have control over that.

What does that mean? For example, if I get into a car accident, my immediate, visceral reaction might be anger if it’s not my fault; distress if it is my fault; or a mix of both or some other powerful negative emotion.

Immediately after that initial reaction, I can take back control. Or not. There are three primary choices:

Just go with it and see what happensLet the negative emotion take me down an unreasonable pathTake back control via mindfulness to be logical and reasonable

It is entirely possible to take all three of these in this order – or some combination. But whatever happens, I am faced with choosing to take the control that I can – or not.

When I recognize that I am having a bad day – for whatever reason – I have the above three options to choose from.

I can continue to let it go and see if it changes via outside influences, the winds, or some other unknown.

The negative feelings that dominate my bad day can show me more negatives to consider, lament, and get angrier/more depressed about.

– Or –

I can practice being mindful and take control over my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions via mindfulness.

You alone control you

When you are faced with a bad day, bad news, or anything else negative – you can choose to do nothing, feel into the negative, or take control and strive to change it.

No, this is not easy. Our society is utterly fear-based. Media of every sort prefers us to stay disempowered, afraid, and negative. Why? So that they can sell us the cure, aphrodisiac, random item we don’t really need, and veritably everything else tangible and intangible.

The less you recognize how you can control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – the more the outside influences push to persuade you to yield to them. Give in and have the drink, vote for the liar, buy the shoes, keep up with the Joneses – or keep suffering.

Much of the fear you and I are spoon-fed is not direct nor immediate. Most of it is a fear of suffering.

Consumerism is all about buying goods and services to prevent suffering. From Botox treatments (so you look less old and suffer less judgment) to Odor-Eaters (so you won’t be judged for stinky feet) – it’s all about avoiding suffering.

Because of our fear-based society, it appears that everything is off-balance.

Thus, it looks and feels like the whole world may be going to hell in a handbasket.

Is the balance between positive and negative truly off?

No. But because of how media works and the use of fear to sell everything under the sun – we see that more than we see the good and positive.

That doesn’t mean that the bad things happening out there can and should be completely ignored. But we don’t need more than the basic awareness of them so that we can do our part for the greater good. You need to be mindful of COVID so that you wear a mask and maintain social distance so we can stop it. Know who hasn’t only their own interests at heart so you can support good businesses and better politicians.

Most of the suffering we’re sold is specific to us. If we don’t buy this, that, or the other thing, we’ll be abandoned, judged, unloved, and likely voted off the island. Suffering galore will come.

In the words of Paulo Coelho from The Alchemist,

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

You and I have the power to employ mindfulness. Doing so engages our conscious awareness. That allows us to see what we’re thinking, what and how we’re feeling, what we are doing, and all our intentions. Recognizing that tells us where we are at and what we are doing with it.

But this is not a one-and-done matter. Using mindfulness to be consciously aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions is a day-to-day, situation-to-situation matter.

Often, you can go with the flow and be on autopilot. But when you’re in a more extreme situation, it’s good to know you have this tool.

The most extreme situations can be things like accidents, deaths, losing jobs, getting dumped, and all the other bad/negative happenings over which we have zero control.

Photo by Miguel A. Amutio on UnsplashPositivity to find and/or create balance

When shit happens, you will experience an immediate visceral reaction. The negativity can be minor and disconcerting – or all-powerful and mind-numbing. Depends on what has happened and all kinds of unpredictable situations and experiences.

Immediately after the initial reaction, you have the power to take control. Thus, you can choose if you will do nothing, head down the negative spiral, or turn it around.

But what about the day-to-day fear-mongering and other negatives? This is where positivity to find and/or create balance can be utterly empowering.

Every single day I choose if I am going to take in the news, discuss situations way outside of my control, and let any other negatives dominate my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Thus, every single day I can decide if I will do nothing, head down that negative spiral, or find and/or create positivity to counter those negatives.

There are ALWAYS positive things to be found. Often, they’re super small and seemingly insignificant. For example:

I’m aliveI am breathingThere are new ideas to be learnedBooks to be readNew people to meetCats and dogs to petThe moon is beautifulMy cat’s purr is soothingI have clean running water

Every one of these tiny matters can be tremendous vessels to build up more positivity. When all is said and done, so long as I live, I can find and/or create positivity.

The more we do this, the more we balance the scales in our fear-based society. And because like attracts like, each of us can contribute to building a logic-base to replace the fear-base.

It starts with you and me. And positivity is a great tool for finding and/or creating balance in ourselves – and from there the world at large.

Finding and/or creating balance with positivity isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that you control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you can decide to counter the imbalance of negativity by finding and/or creating more positivity. When you take that control into yourself, you can do a lot to handle everyday situations just as well as the unexpected and unpleasant shit that happens sometimes. That ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.

This is the three-hundred and ninety-seventh entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Finding and/or Creating Balance with Positivity appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

A Not-So-Bitter Pill to Swallow

Releasing a long-time fear isn’t the bitter pill I thought it might be.

Photo by Elsa Olofsson on Unsplash

For most of my life, the opinions of others have been of the utmost importance to me. I’ve sought approval, recognition, and generally being liked.

More and more, though, it’s become increasingly evident to me that this doesn’t matter. At least, not in the way I tend to emphasize it.

What do I mean? The short answer is that the opinions of others are not what makes MY life. My life belongs to me.

That’s an oversimplification. Allow me to elaborate.

Many people in my life care about me. Some are family, some friends. I know that they have my best interests at heart.

Yet they don’t approve of many of my choices. They pass judgment that I make poor choices that are unrealistic and foolish on my part.

For most of my life – I cared about this. I don’t like when my friends and family disapprove of me and my choices. Thus, I’ve been conflicted because of this.

How? Because I feel bad and guilty for all the ways that I am letting the people who care about me down. Then, I sometimes take that in and second-guess my decisions. Are they right? Am I foolish for pursuing this path?

This leads to bad places. I start to doubt myself, my choices, my decisions. That doubt causes me to fear that I’m failing – and am a failure as such. That starts me down a rabbit hole of self-pity, depression, anger, and overall disempowerment.

When confronted with this for the umpteenth time the other day, I had a very different reaction. That caused an unexpected cascade effect that I’m still wrapping my head around.

The not-so bitter pill

A member of my family considers me somewhat of a bad influence on their children. Why? Because instead of towing the family line to help keep the kids on the track envisioned for them – I encourage them. I tell them to follow their dreams and make no apologies for that. It’s what I am doing.

But what that family member sees is different. While I cannot be certain – because I am not in their head – this is what I believe they think: The path I am following is fraught with uncertainty. The money I bring in is insufficient for sustainability – and my continued insistence on this is unrealistic. I’m a dreamer on an impractical path. I am not, as such, a good role model for the kids.

This family member is not alone in their view of me and my path. Though they express it differently, other members of my family feel the same. My choices do not live up to me in one form or another that they would most approve of.

This knowledge – which is not new to me – has set me off in the past. I got down on myself, upset, doubtful, and that made me question everything.

This time, however, I had a very different reaction.

Okay. That’s how they feel. So be it.

Whose life is it anyway? Mine. Does it truly matter if they approve? No.

I expected such a realization to be a bitter pill to swallow. But it’s not. Instead, it’s proving to be quite freeing. Now, I’ve cleared an obstacle from my path that could have further positive repercussions.

Photo by Cezanne Ali on UnsplashReleasing fear

Why has the approval of others mattered to me as much as it has? Fear.

I have had a long-standing fear of abandonment. It’s a fear that tends to be the root of my more immediate and readily identifiable fears of failure and success.

To clarify – I’m afraid that if I succeed, my success will drive everyone away and I will ultimately be abandoned. Conversely, I’m afraid that if I fail, my failure will drive everyone away and I will ultimately be abandoned.

Expanded further, all the things I fear land at abandonment.

Realistically, I know that some people might well abandon me if I succeed or if I fail. But truth be told – change is inevitable. Whether I like it or not, change is always happening and is the only constant in the Universe.

People leave you for many reasons. Some by choice – others not. Friendships change and shift. We relocate and lose touch. Disagreements cause divisions. Friends, family, and loved ones die.

It’s true that, when all is said and done, I might be all alone. But as much as I love the connections I have with the people I care about – I know that I always have myself.

That’s not a selfish nor egotistical statement. It’s a statement of fact. The only person who has ever been and will ever be in my head, heart, and soul is ME. Nobody else is here with me. And that’s true for EVERYONE.

This frightens people. It appears lonely. But as I swallowed this not-so bitter pill and felt no distress as I have in the past – a new truth occurred to me.

I know myself, I have myself – and that empowers me.

No longer avoiding a bitter pill

Releasing the fear of abandonment empowers me. Since those connections to others are always changing – new ones can be made. And at my core – I know who, what, where, and why I am.

This is not a license to paddle the douchecanoe and treat people poorly. Compassion, kindness, and empathy matter – because giving them is a reflection of how we desire to receive them.

I thought that this would be a bitter pill to swallow. But it’s not. It’s rather sweet. I can see now that all the ways in which I’ve held myself back in the name of the approval of others have factored into my self-sabotage.

Releasing that fear of abandonment and the incessant need for approval shows me that they all care. They don’t get me – but that’s okay because they don’t need to.

Without the fear of suffering that would result from abandonment – I am feeling freer, stronger, and more capable. I am on the right path – it’s just not an easy one. But I can and will pursue this path and those that may come with and after it without fear.

Releasing a long-time fear isn’t the bitter pill I thought it might be. Instead, it’s cleared an enormous obstacle from all the paths I choose – and provided clarity on multiple levels.

I wonder if there are other possibly bitter pills I’ve been avoiding that I should take?

I’m excited to see where this next goes to.

Are there bitter pills you’ve been avoiding that might not be so bitter?

This is the five-hundred and seventh exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post A Not-So-Bitter Pill to Swallow appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

It’s Not All Doom and Gloom

Yet the media showing us nothing but doom and gloom sells.

Photo by Ross Stone on Unsplash

It’s impossible to avoid.

If you read or watch any news source whatsoever – it sure as hell looks like everything is coming apart.

Between climate change causing unheard of weather conditions; distressing and authoritarian laws taking away women’s rights; racism, sexism, classism, and a mad mad mad world – the doom and gloom is everywhere.

To be honest – we can’t just close our eyes, pretend it doesn’t exist, and hope it will go away. But at the same time – we need to be cognizant of what we CAN do – and work to stay in that lane alone.

For example – these Draconian measures passed in Texas. For the most part, all I can do is vote for my local congresspeople and President, attend protests to keep people aware, and boycott products and services from Texas. I can write letters and donate to causes associated with fighting this insanity.

But that’s about it. The same applies to all things climate-related, employment-related, and globally.

It feels massively overwhelming. And some people love to use this dark narrative to further their causes and beliefs.

But the truth is that life is NOT all doom and gloom.

How do I know that? Because odds are you are reading this at your leisure from a technological device somewhere with readily available heat, cooling, clean running water, and the like.

Right at this moment, you are living. And though you may have stressors, concerns, and other issues going on – you’re here. And you are not in immediate danger of major upheavals or death resulting from the doom and gloom being presented to you.

I know that seems disingenuous. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

It’s bad – but not how you think

There are some truly terrible things happening right now. That’s undeniable.

But as bad as it is – it’s not all doom and gloom. The narrative telling us this is where the problem truly lies.

The media needs to make money. To do so they need to get advertisers. Advertisers place their ads where the most people will see them.

When presented with tales of doom and gloom – people watch and read. Thus, advertisers buy ad space, news media makes money, and the cycle continues.

There was a time when the news media was held to a specific standard of fairness and truth. But that’s not been the case for decades now. Thus, you get a degree of bias – sometimes lesser and other times greater – towards certain viewpoints or others from a slight direction in perspective to outright bullshit.

In all instances, no matter the bias – doom and gloom sell. It’s a part of human nature to witness horror – which is why disaster movies and horror movies keep getting made. When presented with doom and gloom – people watch it.

An emphasis is put on all things doom and gloom. And before you know it – that’s the dominant conversation.

That issue we’re lamenting is bad, no question – but it’s been embellished and amplified exponentially by different parties for both good and bad reasons.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation we all fall for. And I do mean all of us. Why? Because it’s the norm. this is how it’s been for at least the last 20 years. And everyone tends to think that’s how it’s always been as such.

Unless we recognize this for ourselves, we’ll continue to see awful, no good, terrible things that are unquestionably bad and that we need to be mindful of – but not with such visceral immediacy.

Doom and gloom and a grain of salt

Global warming is a real problem we shouldn’t ignore. The new laws in Texas are a massive human rights violation against women’s autonomy. The Taliban control of Afghanistan is not good for anyone.

It’s important to be aware of all of this. But there’s no need to be utterly inundated by it. This sort of shit always happens. And it always will.

Yes, lots of doom and gloom – but we need to remember that we can do very little for the big picture. Keeping that in mind, we can make a conscious effort to not let the doom and gloom make us miserable.

Vote for politicians who want to do something about global warming and give a shit about women’s autonomy. Practice water and power conservation to do your part. Get the COVID vaccine. Boycott businesses supporting terrible things. Donate money to worthy causes working for the greater good. If it makes you feel good, attend protests and such.

That’s about all that you and I can do about these terrible, no good, doom and gloom situations. When we recognize, acknowledge, and accept this – we can move past the doom and gloom narrative.

As bad as it is – and it’s bad – for the most part its immediate impact on us is negligible. Unless your home was destroyed by an effect of climate change, you live in Texas and need an abortion, live in Afghanistan and are female, or otherwise directly impacted by the doom and gloom happenings – you are okay.

I am not downplaying the problems. I’m NOT suggesting toxic positivity or otherwise wearing rose-colored glasses and ignoring these happenings. What I am saying is that these things are not as immediately damning as they seem.

Photo by Zoe VandeWater on UnsplashMindfulness for conscious awareness

Mindfulness puts you in the here-and-now. That makes you consciously aware of yourself and how, what, where, and why you are in the world – right now.

Then, you empower yourself. By being aware of how, what, where, and why you are – you gain control of these factors. That allows you to make choices and decisions for all the things you are doing.

Right now is the only time that’s truly real. The past has come and gone; the future is unwritten. All the doom and gloom tends to focus on “What if?” scenarios that may or may not come to pass. They get us looking to the past and make the future doubly uncertain – and further emphasize the doom and gloom.

When we practice being mindful, we can live in the now more effectively. That, in turn, helps us to do our small part to keep the doom and gloom at bay.

When we take our eyes off the doom and gloom narrative – we make it sell less. That empowerment betters us all.

Be aware of the shit happening in the world. But don’t let it scare you from living your own life here and now. This is the only time for you – and while the doom and gloom narrative is scary, it’s not the whole picture.

You are here, now, and with a few exceptions likely doing okay. Focus on that – rather than the doom and gloom that – bad as it is – isn’t as horrific as the picture suggests.

Pause. Take a deep breath. Be present here and now. So long as you are here you have options, choices, potential, and possibilities. Focus on that – and the doom and gloom will not dominate and be further empowered.

Consciousness creates reality and you’re stronger than you know.

Recognizing it’s not all doom and gloom isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that your life is yours to control – you can be present in the here-and-now and focus on what you have, rather than the doom and gloom narrative of the world at large When you see more clearly, in the now, how your life is and isn’t impacted by that doom and gloom narrative – you can take control over where, what, why, and how you are. That ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.

This is the three-hundred and ninety-sixth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post It’s Not All Doom and Gloom appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Nobody Gets Me – And That’s Okay

Overcoming the desire for people to “get” me is ongoing.

Photo by Nathan Manske on Unsplash

I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to make an impression on people.

Some of those people are or have been close to me. Family, friends, coworkers, etc. Others have been far more removed. You might be among them.

Like most teenagers, I worked hard to “fit in” to this group or that. Mind you, I was never a popular kid – I was (and still am) a geek. Dork. Nerd. Take your pick. But in the circles that I traveled within – I worked hard for everyone to get me.

While many people stop trying so hard for people to “get” them after High School and college – I didn’t. I still tried in various ways to fit in and work to make people understand me and my ways.

Why? My single, greatest underlying fear has been abandonment. Almost certainly this comes from my parents’ divorce when I was 5. All my fears of failure, success, and everything else come back to abandonment.

I am not pointing fingers at my mom or dad – they did not abandon me, per se. But emotional detachment on my part went unnoticed because of them working on their lives at the time. And I didn’t figure this out for almost 30 years.

Still, because of the deep roots of this fear – I’ve worked hard to be understood. And yet, on many levels – nobody gets me.

This truth used to make me crazy. But more and more I am seeing how it’s perfectly okay. And I will explain why.

But first…

Defining “getting” me

Hi there. I am Murray “MJ” Blehart. Presently, I’m a full-time writer of sci-fi and fantasy novels as well as inspirational/life-lesson/mindfulness blogs. I am a geek – a lover of books, movies, music, TV, and technology – and a medieval reenactor. I’m notorious for puns, bad jokes, snide commentary, and insights into the human psyche. Overall, I strive to walk paths of my own choosing and be as real and true to myself as possible.

Thus, I don’t fit into the general definition of “normal.” And I’ve only revealed a very small picture of my whole self above.

Many people close to me do not understand my motivations, values, or beliefs. They cannot wrap their heads around various and sundry aspects of my core being – whether those aspects have any impact on them or not. Many of the choices I make they simply do not understand – even when I explain them.

I know, for example, that my mom loves me. But she hasn’t fully “gotten” me in years. As much as I know she’s proud of me – I also have not lived up to her ideal of me. Likewise, my in-laws don’t get me, either. They care about me and know my wife and I have a great relationship – but they don’t get me.

If I was more conventional, less geeky, following a more common path, and so on – maybe they would get me. But then I’d not be true to myself. And that’s more important than being someone for other people.

The masks I’ve worn

Before middle school, I was mostly an outsider. I had few friends, spent a lot of time by myself, and was pretty dorky. I remember hours alone in my backyard as a kid either making up my own adventures and using my swing-set as my starship – or creating new stories with my Star Wars action figures, vehicles, and playsets.

In Middle School, however, I found a way to help others “get” me. I put on masks that I knew would make other people want me around them.

I wore these different masks throughout high school and college. It was only in my late 20s that I began to wear my own face more frequently.

Then I got hit by a car and spent a year recovering. About 5 years after that, I started therapy with the best psychologist I’ve ever seen. Those experiences showed me that I had lost myself behind those masks.

When that happens – there will, eventually, be a reckoning. Not only does nobody get you when you reach that point – but neither do you “get” yourself.

People become lost in their jobs, their relationships, their children, their hobbies, and other matters that dominate their lives. Those become their masks – and eventually, they will come off for one reason or another. That will show them that they no longer get themselves.

I spent a lot of time focusing my life on the medieval reenactment society I play in. My persona became the mask I wore as frequently as possible. Then, for multiple reasons, that mask came off.

Who was I beneath my persona? Lost, directionless, endlessly seeking greener pastures. Not only did nobody get me – but I didn’t truly get me anymore.

When I changed my focus to better understand myself – my need to help others get me changed, too.

Maybe my cat gets me? Doubtful…Nobody gets me – and that’s okay

Over the past decade-plus, I’ve worked to better “get” myself. To do this, I’ve been practicing practical mindfulness. That means actively working to be consciously aware of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions while living in the here-and-now.

Instead of wearing different masks for different people and situations – I’ve been working on being as genuine and true to myself as possible. And while that means people don’t “get” me – I am okay with that.

Because I get me. I know who I am, what I desire to do, be, and have – and work on this regularly.

And that’s why it’s okay that nobody gets me. The only person who should fully get me is me. This is my life. The only person in my head, heart, and soul is ME. And the truth is, the person whom I spend the most time with is myself.

You are the only one inside your head, heart, and soul. That’s why it’s okay if you are the only one who gets you.

Does it truly matter if other people get us?

Yes and no. We do not exist in a vacuum. Everyone, even the most introverted among us, seeks human connection to one degree or another. I think it’s reasonable to say that we all would like at least ONE person to mostly get us.

And I do mean MOSTLY get us. Since I am the only one inside my head, heart, and soul – and likewise, you’re the only one in your head, heart, and soul – some things are beyond the understanding of others.

Rather than trying to force that information – or put on a mask and/or shift to someone other than our true selves – it’s good to accept that it’s okay when someone doesn’t get you. If they truly desire to – they’ll make an effort. If not – they might not be worth your time and energy just for some degree of understanding.

What matters most is when you get you. Because when you are your truest, most authentic, and genuine self – you’re most empowered.

When you are empowered, you can best assume control over your inner being. That lets you do, be, and experience life to its fullest.

Since I’ve accepted and embraced that it’s okay that people don’t get me – there are certainly still both good days and bad. But overall, I find being my most genuine self feels good. And I am most content to work on creating experiences to continue to make my life as amazing as possible. Whatever paths I choose.

It’s okay if nobody gets me. Because I get me. And it’s okay if nobody gets you – so long as you get you. What matters most, in the long run, is being your authentic, genuine, truest self. And you are worthy and deserving of that.

How do you work on “getting” yourself?

This is the five-hundred and sixth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Nobody Gets Me – And That’s Okay appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Bad Days Always End

All bad days come to an end – and this is a tremendous positive.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Everyone has bad days. Everyone.

That’s a fact of life. Nobody has nothing but perfect, good days.

Sometimes this is within my control. If I wake up groggy, stumble out of bed, stub my toe, and find I’m already running late – I get to choose if I let this dictate the way the rest of my day goes or not. I decide to let that downward spiral continue and increase – or – pause, reflect, acknowledge it, and turn it around.

Other times, this is not at all within our control. Getting into a car accident heading to work, getting fired, getting dumped, a tree falling on your house, and other such matters can and will happen. You have no control over other people or nature. And that kind of bad day tends to be largely outside of your control.

When bad things happen, we all have visceral, immediate reactions. This is especially true of the shit that happens that we have zero control over. Hence, you might find yourself instantly angry, depressed, frustrated, irked, upset, or otherwise feeling bad.  

It’s worse when this is compounded. Sometimes, it’s not simply one bad thing. It could be a string of them. And before you know it – you’re having a bad day.

Guess what? Every day ends. Bad or good, the day will come to an end. Recognizing this can help with navigating bad days.

All days begin and end

Even when it’s not obvious – the sun rises and sets every single day. No matter how you perceive or tell time – days come and go.

Every single day has a beginning. Likewise, every single day has an ending.

For me, a “day” is the total time that I’m awake. Typically, that’s 16-18 hours (I wake up around 6 am and go to bed somewhere around 11 pm). Your experience may vary.

Time being utterly relative, some days feel longer than others. It never ceases to amaze me. Even the great Albert Einstein explains,

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

When a day seems to be full to overflowing of endless trials and tribulations – it feels like that’s the world. Your life just gets sad, frustrating, and daunting. It feels like this is how it will always be – and there isn’t a damned thing you can do about it.

But – this day will come to an end. At some point, you will call it a day, step away, and rest. It might not be the best night’s sleep – but it will mark the end of your waking day.

Which means that tomorrow is a new day. And new days can be approached either as new problems or new possibilities. And that can be incredibly empowering.

Bad days are followed by new days

All days end. Bad days, as such, end. Always.

That may not mean that you ended the day with conclusions and resolutions. As the saying goes, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But a bad day being done means a new day follows. And with new days comes new choices.

When shit happens outside of your control, sometimes getting past the initial, visceral reaction will take time. This is especially true when multiple things happen or there’s any sort of build-up involved.

For example – if you get in a car accident, learn your credit card was scammed, lose your ATM card, and get into a fight with a loved one – that’s compounded matters that can overwhelm even the strongest, most positive people. A single, prolonged, unresolved argument that causes hurt feelings between you and one or multiple people can be just as compounded.

There are plenty of times when shit happens one day that’s not resolved by its end. When I got hit by a car crossing a street, the accident likely took seconds – while the recovery took months. It was certainly not resolved the next day.

However – a new day means you have new choices. Even leaving the unresolved bad day unresolved – you get to choose how to approach your new day.

I know it often doesn’t feel like this is true. I’ve had plenty of awful, lousy days that felt like they’d spill over into the next day.

Granted, you have no control over other people or nature. When someone is mad at you, they’ll remain mad until they decide not to be (whatever form that takes). You can’t do anything about it raining 5 days in a row.

But when it comes to you and your self, you have all the power.

Photo by Kyle Cottrell on UnsplashTake back your power

When bad days end – and they always do – what comes next is up to you. At least, all the parts involving you and nobody else.

Yes, the weather might still suck, you could still be fighting with that friend/loved one, or dealing with that awful work situation. But how you think, feel, and act regarding these is wholly on you.

It may not always feel like it – but you, and you alone, control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Or rather, you CAN control them – when you work consciously rather than subconsciously.

Because of how our society works – most people exist more subconsciously. They live day to day by rote and routine. There is a pattern they follow – and they simply exist within it. When it’s interrupted by bad things – bad things can compound, get out of control, and before you know it it becomes a whole bad day.

You and I can choose to live consciously instead of existing subconsciously. How? By being consciously aware of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Knowing, in the present, things like:

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What do I intend?What am I doing?

All these questions, when asked, can be answered via conscious awareness. And this is mindfulness.

Mindfulness empowers us. That allows us to recognize what caused the bad day. Then, we can analyze and acknowledge our part in what made it a bad day (even it’s just how we reacted to something outside of our control).

At the end of bad days, you get to choose how you’ll approach the new day. You get to choose if you will carry over the bad days – or start anew and seek to find better days. And this is true every single day.

It’s easy – and it’s not

Relatively speaking – this is easy. Be mindful and use your conscious awareness to make choices and decisions to move from your bad days to new days and more positive approaches.

But feelings are more complicated than that. When you are hurt, angry, depressed, upset, anxious – it feels like control is beyond you. You think that there’s little you can do about this, that, or the other thing. When your heart hurts, it feels like turning that around isn’t possible.

But you do get a choice. It may not be easy to let go of the negative feeling. But you can. What it takes to let go of the bad days and seek and/or find positive in new days will vary. No two situations are alike, and what works for me might not work for you.

But you DO have this power. And you do have choices. Bad days always end. So long as you are alive – there will be new days. And that can be something to look forward to.

Or – sure, you can choose to dread it.

I believe that life is full of potential and possibility. Thus, bad days always end, and new days can be better.

No matter what you are dealing with now – you’ve had bad days before and gotten past them. You are still here. You’re alive, now, no matter what you’re going through. Believe this – you have done it before and can and will do it again. You’re likely a lot stronger than you know.

It’s easy – and it’s not. Bad days always end. New days can be how and what you make of them. The choice is yours.

Recognizing bad days always end isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that every day – bad or good – will eventually end, you can see potential and possibility to move on from the things you don’t desire to experience. When you take that to heart – then release all that made it a bad day so you can move onwards and see the potential and possibility for the new day – that ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.

This is the three-hundred and ninety-fifth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Bad Days Always End appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

When Will Then Be Now?

The question of “when will then be now” is not uncommon along a given path.

Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

The other night, we were watching Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs.

There is a fantastic scene in the movie where Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) and Col. Sanders (George Wyner) – while searching for the protagonists – turn to Spaceballs: The Video Tape to find them.

During this scene, confused by seeing themselves “now” on the video screen, They have the following exchange.

“Everything that happens now is happening now.
What happened to then?
We passed it.
When?
Just now. We’re at now, now.
Go back to then!
When?
Now.
Now?
Now!
We can’t.
Why?
We missed it.
When?
Just now.
When will then be now?
Soon!”

While this is hilarious – it’s also a stunningly accurate description of how life works. Now is the only time that is really, truly real. We passed then just now – but then will be now soon.

Confusing? Of course it is. That’s because linear time is an illusion – yet we struggle to maintain something of a balance between the past, present, and future.

But the reality is that we can’t. Because now is the only now that is legit and for real.

How much have I confused you here?

This has been something I’ve been trying to comprehend entirely for years now. It’s complicated because, like everyone else, I live within the “limits” of human perception of linear time.

Thus – I have a past, I’m in the present, and consider the future.

Rather than just let life live me, and go with the flow, I strive to find and/or create my own paths in life to traverse. Doing so requires recognition of the Law of Attraction, conscious reality creation, and mindfulness to gain control over it all.

Still with me?

Every single text I have ever read or listened to that explores how the Law of Attraction and conscious reality creation works expresses the importance and power of being in the present. Right here, right now, is the only truly real time that exists.

The past is based in memory – and it’s always colored by the individual. Hence, some people desire a return to a happier, more Leave it to Beaver-esque time – while others remember how those like them during that same time were segregated, persecuted, and worse.

The future, meanwhile, is utterly unwritten. No matter how much you plan for it – random happenstance can change it. When I left my apartment on the afternoon of November 30, 1999, I did not anticipate that I’d get hit by a car and spend the next year of my life recovering from that.

Because of these factors – right now, this present moment, is the most real time that there is. When will then be now? Past or future, it will be wholly dependent on you and your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Photo by Brett Jordan on UnsplashMindfulness of then, now

Mindfulness of “then” can be convoluted. Because mindfulness in its most practical, applicable sense is all about the present moment.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of your inner being. It’s knowledge, here and now, of your mindset/headspace/psyche inner self.

That is achieved, ultimately, by conscious, present awareness of your sensory input – coupled with your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. A conscious awareness only applicable to now.

Why only now? Because I can’t offer more than vague impressions about any time in my life from the past. No matter how clear the memory – the specifics of thoughts, feelings, and actions – then – are just memories or impressions – and not accurate.

Likewise, how exactly I will think, feel, act, or intend in the future is unknown. I can guess – but there are factors outside my control that will impact the now of then.

I can ask myself “What am I thinking?” and get a clear answer, now. But if I ask, “What was I thinking then?” I’ll have to dig around – and other factors of then will impact what I think I was thinking at the time. But it’s the past – so I don’t truly know.

Along the same line – I can ask “How am I feeling?” and get a clear answer, now. But asking “How will I feel then?” about a future situation, I can only guess. Numerous factors out of my control will happen, then. It’s the future – full of unknown potential and possibility.

I’m not suggesting that you completely disregard and ignore the then of the past. Now, the past then can teach you lessons applicable now.

Similarly, I’m not suggesting disregarding or ignoring planning for the future. Looking ahead to then from now can offer directions to choose now.

When will then be now? Soon!

I have all the power

Like watching Spaceballs: The Video Tape, I can control fast-forward, rewind, and adjust the speed of play when it comes to the past and future of my life.

But now – now is now. It happens, now. And right here and now I am capable of making choices and decisions to take my life in numerous different directions. If there is a then I am looking forward to or working on finding and/or creating – then will be now, soon. But I need to start from now, now.

This can be super confusing. But, ultimately, it’s incredibly empowering. Why? Because when I am here, now, and consciously aware – I can write my story. The choices and decisions of now will drive my life to then – by recognizing and acknowledging now and its importance to everything.

One of the reasons so many leaders place emphasis more on the past or future is to take us out of the now. When more people are in the now – more people are empowered. When we’re empowered, we find we don’t need quite so much of the “leadership” our so-called leaders offer. Which – when you and I are empowered – disempowers them.

The point here is that the question of “when will then be now?” isn’t uncommon along a given path. Now being the only time we’re ever truly consciously aware, being mindful of the now, now, empowers us.

Once we get past the confusion, the empowerment is palpable.

This is why I choose to find and/or create my own life paths. Because being empowered gives me control of my life – now. Which helps bring a future then into now, now.

Can you see how then will be now, soon?

This is the five-hundred and fifth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post When Will Then Be Now? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

I Love Not Being Normal

Why do we think normal is such a positive thing, anyhow?

Photo by Daniel Mingook Kim on Unsplash

I am not in any way, shape, or form, normal.

And I am not saying that without proof.

In 2007, during an epic road trip across the Southern USA, I was exploring Santa Fe, New Mexico. From time to time, throughout the day, I saw this guy in a blazer who looked a lot like actor Orlando Jones. He was walking around with a tripod and camera. I thought nothing of this, save that I noticed him more than once.

Then, later, he was walking with purpose straight to me. The camera and tripod are gone. When he’s almost within my personal space bubble, he offers to shake my hand.

Sure, random handshake, why not? Then, he says to me (for real, I am NOT making this up),

“I just had to tell you. You’re an odd-looking fellow.”

He turns and walks away. I had no clue how to respond to that. To this day, I can remember it clearly – and it STILL puzzles me.

I guess I don’t look normal. Odd-looking fellow. Huh.

In the spring of 2011, I started dating the woman who would become my wife. I think it was maybe our second or third date when she said to me,

“You are the most unapologetic geek I’ve ever met!”

Yup. I am a huge geek. Particularly when it comes to sci-fi and fantasy, random trivia, rock music (classic rock and grunge in particular), and several other topics. And I know that massive geek = not normal.

I embrace not being normal. Because not being normal, for me, is me being my most genuine, true self.

What is normal, anyhow?

This is a very loaded question.

I suspect that the definition of “normal” is dependent on where you are in the world, the social circles you travel in, family, and so on. I’d even bet how you define “normal” at home differs from how you define it at work.

In general, normal is maintenance of the status quo. It’s doing the expected, being part of the herd, fitting into the boxes, and so on.

As a middle-aged, white male American, “normal” generally looks like this: Go to work 9-5 Monday-Friday. Spend weekends watching sports. Own a house and car. Have a wife and a kid or two. And so on.

Why, I ask, is that the norm? How is that normal? Because 5 or 6 decades of TV, movies, and the unsigned social contract of the USA has said so.

There are accepted variations of this “normal” that are still considered normal. As such, normal for a white, straight, middle-aged woman is expected to be different not just from the similar white man, but the black woman, black man, gay man or woman, and so on. Each has a unique definition of “normal”.

Why is there a normal? Because it’s the comfort zone.

We love to be comfortable. From what we wear to where we live, comfort is often a central fixture for people and their lives. “Normal,” as such, is comfortable.

Even when we see it applied to other people – anything that bucks the system or doesn’t fit into the narrative of normal can cause discomfort. This is probably why people are more inclined – when they see someone doing something that’s not normal – to cry “Watch out!” with concern rather than “You go with your bad self!” in support.

Square pegs, round holes

The truth is that just about nobody is factually normal. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, favorites, methods, and so forth. Each of us is individual – with occasional similarities.

The establishment of a “normal” centers around comfort. That gets expanded to the individual via comfort zones.

Thus, in a predominantly Christian area, where 9/10 people go to the same church, their normal involves like worship of God. That’s where a major factor of everyone’s comfort zone in that area is established.

Anyone Jewish, pagan, atheist, or other is outside of that – and considered not normal. For example, when I was a child, I spent 10 years in a Lutheran neighborhood as the ONLY Jewish kid. As such, my family and I were not normal, there. This doesn’t even factor in being the ONLY single-parent home on the block, too.

All of us, in one way or another, are square pegs. Yet we all encounter times when we feel a need to fit into round holes.

For example – I’ve known people who were gay that tried heterosexual dating, at first, to be “normal.” But that was not who they are – so that was not normal – in any way – for them.

Thus, I think a lot of the conflict we experience comes from the attempts of the square pegs to fit into round holes. Not being genuine, nor true to yourself, comes with a price.

Forcing yourself to be “normal” for the sake of others is going to make you unhappy. And worse, it will cause other negativity because being someone/something/or such – that you are not – impacts your mental, emotional, spiritual, and even physical health.

When we stop striving for normalcy, we open ourselves to exceptionalism.

Photo by Derick McKinney on UnsplashEmbrace being abnormal

I love not being normal. This is who I am. And I have embraced it for over a decade.

There was a time when I tried to be normal. I worked for “the man”, attempted monogamous dating, and I know how all the major sports work. But that’s not me – and trying to be that person is more than just disingenuous – it’s a slap in the face to my health on every level.

At first, I can come across as “normal” – but for the most part, that’s simply the application of good manners.

That’s not to say I don’t struggle sometimes. My lack of normalcy makes others uncomfortable – which pulls them, even a little bit, outside their comfort zone.

Some people even try to suggest more normal ways and means I should apply to my life. At times, this is helpful. But other times, it’s because they don’t get me, where I am coming from, or what I’m doing. They are trying to help me be more normal – from their perspective.

All the people who’ve impacted the world with art, literature, science, medicine, business, and everything else you can think of weren’t/isn’t normal. They did/do things that appear unusual and outside most people’s comfort zones.

But without them – progress isn’t made. The world loses chances to get better.

Embracing not being normal is positive. Why? Because it means I get to be my most genuine, true self. And that is incredibly empowering.

Why do we think normal is such a positive thing? I believe it’s about the intersection of comfort zones. I think we’d all be less stressed, happier, and more capable of improving the world if we embraced all the ways we’re not normal.

To some up – in the words of Brianna Wiest,

“It’s normal to be uncomfortable.”

Embracing not being normal isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that “normal” is – like beauty and perfection – in the eye of the beholder, you can see how it’s an artifice rooted in comfort that might not be right for you. When you accept being abnormal, you accept being your genuine, true self and living for your life rather than the comfort of other people. That ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.

This is the three-hundred and ninety-fourth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post I Love Not Being Normal appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

If Not Now, When?

If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer?

Photo by Damien DUFOUR Photographie on Unsplash

We all get one shot at this specific life experience.

Whether active or passive, we experience life every single day. That’s comprised of,

Everything that you think, do, intend, and feel.All that happens to you – inside or outside your control – is part of your life experience.The people, places, and things you interact with are elements of your life experience.

Intentional or unintentional, passive or active – life happens. And you get one shot in the body you live within over the course of (hopefully) around 80 years.

Most people who were born and raised in the United States have certain common experiences. For the first 4 or so years of our lives, we just existed. EVERYTHING was new, shiny, and full of wonder. Possibility and potential were all we knew. Each new game, person, place, and thing we encountered was a first and positively represented the unknown.

Then we started school. Now, for the next 13 or so years, we had structure. Formal lessons, new experiences, people, places, things, etc. But with that came expectations of others, interactions we did not choose, as well as rigid, set ways of being, doing, and having.

We learned that the world had both amazing wonders – but also terrible horrors. On the opposite side of potential and possibility, we came to see lack and unlikelihood in equal measure.

After school ended, we had choices. But they were generally presented to us as specific, acceptable paths to being a productive, useful person in society.

The primary path we were shown? Go to college or trade school. Get a job. Work the next 50 years or so. Retire. THEN you can live how you most desire to.

Now is

For some people, the above scenario is perfect. They are content to follow that standard path and live that life. If you fall into that category – you go with your bad self!

For others, that path leaves them wanting. Is it always supposed to be a struggle? Are we meant to live at the whims of others? If not now, when do we get to choose?

And that is the key. Now. The only time that is truly real. Now.

Why is now the only time that’s real? Because the past has passed. It’s behind us, and cannot be changed, redone, undone, nor returned to. Efforts to do any of those lead to conflict, dissent, frustration, and worse.

For example – many people want to return to the world as it was pre-COVID. They cannot accept that this is impossible – and their attempts to go backward are going poorly on countless levels. There is no going back to the past.

On the other side – the future is unwritten. Nothing about it is certain nor guaranteed. That’s not to say making plans for the future is bad – but you can’t live there because it might not happen as planned.

For example – you might have a great job and be doing all the right things to get promoted. You’ve got it all set, planned it all out – and then, the rug is pulled out from under you. The company gets sold. Your boss hires their best friend to take that job. Everyone making your salary or better gets laid off. Or some other unexpected thing happens. The future is uncertain.

Right now, at this moment, simply is. You are here. At this moment you’re alive and living. If you are not happy with that – now is the time to change it.

If not now, when?

There are many false narratives we fall for.

To be ‘X’, you must do ‘Y’.If you don’t come from ‘group A’, you cannot succeed.There is not enough/a lack of/insufficient this, that, or the other thing.Self-care is selfish.Putting yourself and your life first is arrogant and selfish.Good people willingly sacrifice.

Every one of these, and more, are false narratives the collective consciousness of our society accepts as true. Any deviation is suspect and questioned.

I have been working on following my own path in life for more than 10 years. These have been the best 10 years of my life, as such. In the here and now, I’ve made choices to try things, do things, experience things, both tangible and intangible.

My life still has its ups and downs, shit outside of my control happens, and some days feel overwhelming – but overall, in the now, it’s good.

For years, I tried to follow the narrative. I spent 4 years in college and got a degree – that I’ve made nearly no use of. More than once, I’ve worked a 9-5 job of some sort in a cubicle farm – and felt my life essence being utterly drained. In my 20s and 30s, I dated a lot of women in the hopes of fitting into the perfect monogamous relationship narrative – leading to marriage and kids – and was utterly incapable of committing to that.

I was living for tomorrow. When I have the job/girlfriend/car/home/thing my life will be amazing! Then it will all be worthwhile.

But what if there is no tomorrow? That might be harsh – but it’s still a fair question. From personal experience that almost cost me more tomorrows, I learned that the question truly is – if not now, when?

Photo by Regis F on UnsplashLiving now, rather than for an unspecified when, is not easy

I won’t lie to you – this is not an easy choice. Nor is it always awesome. But allow me to ask this:

If you died tomorrow – would you be content that you lived a worthwhile life?

If you are more dissatisfied with your life experience than content – if not now, when will you change that? Now is the only time that is truly real, if not now, when?

I know that you have obligations, duties, and expectations you cannot abandon. There might be people counting on you in both literal and metaphorical ways. And you need food, shelter, clothing – and money to pay for them.

I am in the same boat. While I’ve been privileged to have the ability to put all my energy into my passion – I’m looking for more conventional, part-time work to have more definite finances to cover these necessities.

I’m not giving up on living and experiencing my life as fully as I can. Nor am I giving up on developing the ability to earn my living entirely from writing books and blogs. I hope that taking this new path unblocks me.

Even if I wind up having to work a full-time, conventional job again – I know I can do so while still living in the now. It’s a mindful choice.

My path is not the same as yours. But the choice to live in the past, present, or future is. If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer – rather than let life live you?

This is scary, and complicated – but worthwhile. Even when there are days you just live by rote and routine – living in the now, overall, empowers. And that reveals paths overflowing with potential and possibility.

FYI – This is not selfish

There is no denying the world is a crazy place. World economics, politics, surrealistic entitlement in the face of an ongoing pandemic, and the like are happening.

But these – and similar things – are ALWAYS happening. They always have and they always will. For the most part – there is nothing at all you can do for them.

If your calling is to start a nonprofit or do something to deal with those matters – that’s your now to live in. If not, you can still vote in elections, call and write politicians, attend protests, sign petitions, and the like. But apart from that – you can do nothing.

Selfishness is too broadly defined sometimes. Specifically, when acts of self-care, self-preservation, self-awareness, and anything else to optimize your life are considered selfish.

True selfishness, however, is intentional. You know that taking that tangible or intangible something from others will cause hurt and harm. Denying the rights of people based on artifices like nationality and religion – or differences like skin color and sexual orientation – is selfish. Knowing harm and hurt will come of your actions is true selfishness, because it’s intentional.

Caring for yourself, choosing your mental health, saying no, and the like is not selfish. Doing things to live now instead of for some unknown when is not selfish.

But people will see it as such. Since there is nothing we can do to alter the perceptions of anyone other than ourselves – we can go forward being our best or shrink to accommodate others.

In the words of Marianne Williamson,

“There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking 
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

If not now, when will you decide it’s time to experience life for all it has to offer?

Can you see that now is the time to be your best self and live your best life?

This is the five-hundred and fourth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post If Not Now, When? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Negativity or positivity – you receive what you ask the Universe for.

Photo by Lina Trochez on Unsplash

True fact: Spend 2 minutes scrolling through Facebook or Twitter and you will find bad news.

Some will be deeply personal. Someone passed away, a relationship ended, a job was lost, and so on. Most, though, will be broad and utterly impersonal. Politics, the ongoing pandemic, global warming, and on and on.

This can very quickly become overwhelming. I get it. Part of why I have been working to limit my time on social media is to stop myself from doomscrolling. Doing so can be both tempting and addicting.

I work hard to be an optimist. To do so, I’m constantly working to overcome inherent skepticism. The whole reason I started writing weekly on the topic of positivity was to put some more optimism out into a pessimistic, cynical, skeptical world.

Why? Because what you focus on you get. Like the Law of Gravity, the Law of Attraction is a natural law that works whether you believe in it or not.

Ergo, if you focus on the negatives of the world – that’s what you will see. It will confirm your belief that the world is a shitshow. Conversely, if you focus on the positives of the world – that’s what you will see.

While it really is that simple – there is added complexity to it. The easiest explanation of this is confirmation bias.

What does that mean? Confirmation bias is taking your long-established beliefs and values and seeking information that confirms them. And because we’re dealing with values and beliefs – this is a subconscious act.

Thus, ask and ye shall receive. Ask the Universe to show proof of your beliefs and values – and it will.

But you have the power to change that.

Values and beliefs can be changed

Values, beliefs, and habits are rooted in the subconscious. Many are so deeply rooted that we do not recognize them for what they are. Unless we come across something that makes us question them.

For example – I grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota in the 1980s. My High School was very white, predominantly Lutheran, and heterosexual.

I chose to go to college in Ithaca, New York. I was quickly exposed to much more diversity.

It did not occur to me – until I met my first gay man – that I had beliefs buried deep that hanging out with someone gay might make ME different. Not gay, per se, just different.

But when I identified this bias and belief, I made a choice. Over the next four years, I went from skirting anything having to do with homosexuals – to tolerating them – to accepting them – to outright standing side-by-side with a friend and others as they came out publicly.

I recognized a value in me that I’d not known I had. With that recognition, I dove into my subconscious to identify it and change it.

Every aspect of you is changeable. And that is achieved by first practicing mindfulness.

Mindfulness is not just a buzzword. It is conscious awareness, here and now, of what is both within and without. Greater mindfulness of the self makes for greater understanding of the self – and from there the world you live in.

Mindfulness is comprised of conscious awareness of sensory input via your six senses, here and now. That gets coupled with conscious awareness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Practicing mindfulness opens you to interpret what you are asking the Universe for. When you know what you are asking for – you gain understanding of what you receive.

You choose to receive positivity or negativity

This statement, to many people, is bullshit.

Some of this may or may not be a familiar inner dialogue for you: I choose to receive positivity or negativity? Like hell I do. I didn’t ask for my crummy boss, my obnoxious children, the terrible health care in this country, or any of the other shit that I deal with daily.

You might be right – you didn’t ask, specifically, for those things. At least, not consciously. But if your subconscious beliefs and values see the world negatively – then yes, you did ask for all of that.

When you hold beliefs and values about the trials, tribulations, and struggles of life – that’s what you get. This is a law of nature – whether you believe in it or not. Like attract like. Consciousness creates reality. Deep down, if you have beliefs and values telling you the world is a nightmare, a never-ending struggle – confirmation bias will find everything it can to confirm that.

Let me be clear – I am not suggesting that a positive attitude or optimism in any way should obliterate nor remove the negativity and pessimism. Toxic positivity does exactly that – it puts a focus on denying, erasing, and ignoring the negativity with rose-colored glasses and Pollyannaism. And that’s just not the truth of life.

Shit happens. That’s a fact of life. And there are all kinds of terrible, awful, horrid shitshows happening in the world at large. Optimism and positivity don’t remove that. But they do alter what and how YOUR personal, individual life experience will be.

You have a choice for what you focus on before you receive it. And whatever you choose to put your focus on is what you will get more of.

Photo by Hanneke Laaning on UnsplashAsk and ye shall receive

Most people allow their subconscious to do the driving. Thus – beliefs, values, and habits that don’t necessarily serve them might put them into a negative, pessimistic mindset.

This is why mindfulness is so important. Because it makes you consciously aware, here and now, of yourself. Who, what, why, where, and how you are in this moment is you. Past beliefs, values, and habits brought you to this moment. And from this moment, and the next moment after that, and the next after that, you’re choosing what you are receiving from the Universe.

Choose to focus on negativity – that’s what you’ll see. Focus on positivity – and you open yourself to potential and possibilities.

Let me be clear – this will not impact anyone other than you. That’s because you can’t control anything outside of yourself.

If, in this iteration, you get one chance to live, to exist, to experience the world around you – do you desire to do that in negative misery or positive joy? Or, more realistically – wouldn’t you prefer to live with a more positive, optimistic approach to life, the Universe, and everything? That’s what this is all about.

Ask and ye shall receive. Consciously or subconsciously. But choosing to do so consciously puts you behind the wheel and ultimately gives you control to choose for yourself.

In the words of Marie Forleo – Everything is figureoutable.

I can’t speak for you – but I sure as hell know what I prefer for my approach. And there are days I fail to be optimistic and positive. But when I recognize this – I choose anew for the next day.

You have the same choice. That choice will impact what you receive – but it is always changeable.

Altering what you ask for from life and receive isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that your beliefs, values, and habits exist in your subconscious – and may be outdated and steering you negatively – you can use mindfulness of your present conscious awareness to change them. When you are more consciously aware in the here and now, you can choose to focus on receiving life, the Universe, and everything via positivity and optimism – rather than negativity and pessimism. And that ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to more people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity. A feedback loop everyone everywhere can take part in.

Then, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

You, me, and everybody are worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is always worthwhile.

This is the three-hundred and ninety-third entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

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The post Ask and Ye Shall Receive appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

I Don’t Know

It’s okay that I don’t know – because it means I’ve something new to learn.

Photo by Beth Macdonald on Unsplash

Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about learning new things.

In this instance, we were talking about a personal lesson regarding a mutual acquaintance. Said acquaintance, whom I only trust as far as I can throw (which isn’t far) did something hugely upsetting to my friend. It was behavior I’ve seen from that person before – so it came as no surprise to me.

It came as no surprise to my friend, either. But my friend strives to see the best in people, so they have looked around and past this behavior before. But this time it’s too much, and they are using their own agency to step away from this toxic acquaintance. They will take the lesson and grow from it.

The conversation concluded that life is all about the ongoing lessons. Some take more time and experience than others.

I postulate that learning new things is what life, at its core, is all about.

Sometimes the obvious is unknown to us. Why? Because we’re too close to it to see it for what it is.

Also, with information at our fingertips, not knowing is often expanded easily. I don’t know invites judgment.

But that’s not true at all. Because life is all about learning. Every single day you learn something new. It might be tiny or it might be huge. But something you didn’t know yesterday you know today.

On the emotional level, this is uniquely complicated. Our feelings are impacted not only by our own conscious awareness, but also by outside influences. That ranges from people we care deeply about to random strangers.

This gets complicated when what we don’t know, ultimately, is ourselves.

Do you know yourself?

Who are you? That’s a REALLY loaded question, right?

What are you? Why are you? Where are you? These additional loaded questions are often shunted to the side and disregarded for their role in our lives.

We are trained by our society to be cogs in the machine. Do your part, follow the path laid out by others for you, and subsist on that. Contribute or be cast off the island.

You have control of only ONE THING – you. Everything that you do and don’t do is wholly controlled by you. What’s more, your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions can be controlled only by you. Nobody else can make you do anything unless you accede to them and their demands.

Does a cog know that it’s part of a larger machine? No. But in the case of human beings, we do. So much so that we lose ourselves within it.

I am not saying that global warming, politics, social justice movements, and the like aren’t important. They are. But to do anything at all about them you need to know yourself, first.

If you don’t know you – how can you know what impact you can have?

Learning about yourself is frequently equated with selfishness. Is it? No. Self-care and learning about yourself isn’t selfish. Selfish is knowingly, intentionally causing hurt and harm to others via your actions and intentions. Period.

Getting to know yourself means learning who, what, where, how, and why you are. Learning that allows you a more solid base for all matters of life.

But then, there is a catch. The lessons need to be relearned constantly. Why? Because you will change.

Don’t fear saying “I don’t know”

Socrates said,

“I know that I know nothing.”

Why is that so great? Because it means that learning is ongoing. For everything that we do know – we can know something more.

There is NO shame in admitting that you don’t know something. None whatsoever. Admitting “I don’t know” opens a door to gaining more knowledge.

Possibly the most challenging element of this comes from the lessons of the heart and soul. Knowledge from books and experiences that impact thought gets the most focus. But the knowledge of the heart and soul – impacting feelings and intentions – is equally important.

The greatest disconnect most people experience when it comes to not knowing is here. We get so distracted that we lose ourselves along the way.

This is why I spend so much time expounding upon mindfulness. When you work to be consciously aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, you get to know yourself. And, most importantly of all, since you are always changing – you get to know yourself in the immediate here-and-now.

That knowledge is so important. It lets you see the where, what, why, how, and even when of yourself. That, in turn, will show you how much control you’ve taken – or not.

Photo by Tina Floersch on UnsplashTrue selfishness

Is this selfish? Yes – but no. Again, I want to reiterate that true selfishness is knowing that you are causing hurt or harm via your actions and intentions.

At present, the pandemic that should be coming to an end isn’t. Why? Because truly selfish people are weaponizing and politicizing common sense matters like mask-wearing and vaccination. They KNOW that persuading people not to vaccinate or wear masks is causing harm. But for their own gain, they’re doing it anyhow.

Most of us want very much to see the best in people. Truly, I believe this. That’s where you get often tone-deaf calls for equality and reaching across the divide. We need to draw these lost souls back in.

We can’t. Plain and simple, we can’t. And that’s the big picture. If someone is convinced that the vaccine is a lie or that masks infringe on their civil liberties – that’s where they are. Leave them be. Let them shout into the void. Eventually, the isolation will change them – or they’ll just go away.

When it comes to those closest to us – we can choose to keep trying to reach out to them – or not. I want to see the best in people and strive to do so. But sometimes, what I didn’t know but inevitably learn is that it might not exist. As my friend has learned from the situation with the mutual acquaintance – they can and should stop trying and walk away.

When you learn about yourself, you can learn if you are being truly selfish. Are your intent and your actions to cause harm to others via lack, scarcity, or the like? If so, you’re being selfish. If not – you’re practicing self-care.

I don’t know about you, but that seems reasonable to me.

I don’t know empowers learning

Who I was 20 years ago is not who I am, now. Likewise, who I was 10 years ago isn’t who I am now. And just to clarify, who I am now isn’t who I was 5 years ago, 1 year ago, 6 months ago, or even, frankly, yesterday.

Before that gets overwhelming, it’s important to know that some elements of who you are change very minutely. The changes are so slight as to be reasonably negligible.

But change is the only constant in the universe. And because it’s a constant, it cannot be stopped. You can resist it, deny it, fight it – but it will still happen.

Better, instead, to learn it, work with it, alter it on your own terms. But to do that, you need to ask the questions and acknowledge that you don’t know.

I don’t know is a positive statement. Why? Because it means you acknowledge an opportunity to learn, grow, and take control over change.

When I started work on my newer sci-fi series, I didn’t know anything about where exoplanets outside of our solar system were. Now, while there are many I still don’t know, I DO know where some are presently expected to be within 30 light-years of us.

When I started playing with faster-than-light travel in my series, I didn’t know more than a name regarding present hypotheses. I know more about this now than I did, but I still don’t know the math behind it.

Hence, everything I don’t know is an opportunity to empower myself and learn something new. And that, I believe, is what makes life and all the experiences we have worthwhile. There is ALWAYS something new to be learned.

Maybe I don’t know. But I can learn.

What do you desire to know that you don’t know?

This is the five-hundred and third exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

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