M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 44

How Does Toxic Positivity Actually Differ from True Positivity?

Toxic positivity is disempowering and does more harm than good.

Photo by Seth Doyle on Unsplash

I am a big proponent of positivity.

We live in a fear-based society, constantly bombarded by negative messages. Because they are so predominant, more positivity is the best offense to combat them.

But all too often, positivity gets carried too far and turns toxic. And toxic positivity disempowers and makes the negativity worse.

How? By mistreating negativity.

Like it or not – negativity IS. Bad things happen. Shit goes down. And we cannot ignore it, deny it, or pretend it doesn’t exist via holding positivity against it. We can’t eradicate negativity – because it has always been and always will be.

Friendships end. People die. Jobs are lost. Relationships collapse. And these things will frequently happen well beyond our ability to control them in the least.

Real positivity does not deny negativity. But it offers a different and empowering approach.

Please allow me to address the specifics here.

What IS toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and loudly shouting “I DON’T SEE ANYTHING NEGATIVE LALALA!” while looking at only one concept, idea, or notion. It’s rose-colored glasses, pretending shit smells like roses, and a Pollyanna attitude that no bad happens.

This is positivity that refuses to see, acknowledge, or recognize negativity. It’s the idea of just stay positive, ignore the negative, and all will be right with the world.

Toxic positivity is why people deny the seriousness of the ongoing issues of the COVID-19 pandemic, refuse to stand up for the disenfranchised, and refuse to take any accountability for their part in such. It’s an “I’m positive everything is fine this isn’t my problem so I can rise above it and blah blah blah” attitude and approach.

It’s toxic because it hurts everyone, both those employing it and others impacted by that. This is unhealthy like anything toxic and adds to the sickness.

Because of toxic positivity, many people are incapable of seeing true positivity.

It’s insidious, and it is more toxic than a radioactive waste dump.

Mindfulness and the truth

Negativity is a necessary evil. Like it or not, negativity will always be.

But how we approach our personal, individual life experiences is entirely up to us. We can do so negatively or positively.

Toxic positivity denies the reality of negativity. This is what makes it toxic – since doing so is utterly disempowering.

How? Because part of being mindful and consciously aware in this life is recognizing and acknowledging bad things. Some we are responsible for and need to be accountable for – while others are well outside of our control.

The only thing we absolutely control is ourselves. Specifically, our conscious selves and our egos. And mindfulness is the key to recognition of this.

Real mindfulness is conscious awareness – here and now – of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. It’s how you and I can answer the questions of who, what, where, how, and why in the present moment.

This conscious awareness tells you if your perspective on life, the Universe, and everything is positive or negative.

Yes, things can and will happen that make you feel negative. But apart from that, you and I choose our overall approach.

Positive or negative? Good and plenty or bad and lacking? Delight and hope or doom and gloom?

We all know people with good attitudes. They have bad days – but overall, they see possibility and potential in the world. Likewise, we all know people with bad attitudes. They have good days – but overall, they see impossibility and awfulness.

And this is where true positivity comes in.

Photo by Usman Yousaf on UnsplashWhat IS true positivity?

True positivity is choosing to seek out and find or create a positive experience/approach/understanding. It’s choosing to not view the world as being full of terribleness and horror but rather hope and opportunity.

This isn’t about whether you see a glass as half full or half empty – it’s about seeing the glass and pondering what it could contain. Is it full of something poisonous or something healthy and delicious?

True positivity is recognizing your overall mindset/headspace/psyche self and life perspective – then choosing to look for good and better.

True positivity looks like this: You get fired from your job. You are hurt, angry, and feel bad about yourself when that happens. But then, you recognize your immediate reaction for being the visceral experience that it is. Acknowledging this, you pause and choose to see potential and opportunity. Maybe losing this job is a blessing in disguise and the gateway to better is open.

When my awesome cover artist could no longer do the covers I need soon – I was initially upset. How am I going to get my books out there when I plan to if I can’t get a cover for them?

When that initial, visceral negative reaction passed I thought, yeah – this sucks. But maybe this is an opportunity to find an even better artist.

That is true positivity. I don’t deny that negativity has occurred. Instead, I acknowledge it and seek to make the best of it.

Shit happens. That’s a fact of life and unavoidable. But you and I choose if we live in positivity or negativity. Positivity that acknowledges negativity is true positivity – and healthy for everyone. The toxic is disempowering and does more harm than good.

What are you choosing for your life experience?

Recognizing true versus toxic positivity isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that true positivity recognizes the reality of negativity – while toxic positivity denies and ignores it – we can better see our own perspectives for how we approach life. When we work to take a more positive approach, we open ourselves to greater potential and possibility. And that ultimately empowers us all.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate even more positivity and gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.

Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

This is the four hundred and second of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post How Does Toxic Positivity Actually Differ from True Positivity? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Do You Get Back Up and Focus on New, Stronger Confidence When You Fall?

Everybody will fall from time to time. How you get back up, however, is a choice.

Photo by Frankie Spontelli on Unsplash

Last week, I began a couple of new freelance gigs.

This has been excellent. I am enjoying doing both. They are quite different from one another – and each completely in my wheelhouse.

What’s more, they feel very much as if they are part of my path.

However, in getting adjusted to a new timetable and the requirements of these new gigs – I have fallen down on the job, so to speak.

What does that mean? As I’ve written before, I keep a spreadsheet of my daily activities. This is how I keep myself on track to get the things done I need to do. Some of them are specific to mindset and headspace while others are more goal-oriented.

But last week, I failed to do several of my activities more than once. In doing other things for the new freelance jobs – I didn’t do all the things I do daily.

Why? In part, this was due to poor time management. I didn’t properly adapt myself to do my things while also doing the new gigs. Both gigs were taken on partially because more money flowing into my life will open some closed channels – and in part, because these jobs open new and useful creative avenues.

This week, I am working on fixing last week’s problems. And that’s because when I fall, I know that I need to get back up.

When the fall isn’t literal – getting back up isn’t always easy.

Tripping hazards along every path

Despite outward appearances to the contrary – nobody has a perfect, incident-free life.

Let me repeat that. NOBODY HAS A PERFECT, INCIDENT-FREE LIFE.

Everybody – yes, everybody – falls from time to time. Literally and metaphorically.

I have learned, when I literally fall, to roll with it. Most people break bones or suffer injuries when they stiffen up as they fall. Bracing against an impact puts that energy into one place and can cause injury. I stay loose and roll with it. I get back up and keep going.

It’s a lot harder to roll it with when the fall is metaphorical.

Life is uncertain – and there are tons of things that you and I have no control over. Other people, circumstances, and random happenstance impact you in unexpected ways.

Such falls look like this:

You get firedA car accident hospitalizes youYou get dumpedSomeone swindles youYour query gets rejectedSomeone else gets the promotionYou learn your goal is not truly what you desire

Each of these can utterly trip you up along your path. But when they cause you to fall – do you get back up – or lie there, broken and defeated?

That’s the choice we make.

Get back up or stay down

Every time we fall, we decide if we will stay down or get back up.

When we literally fall, getting back up is the logical conclusion. This is only complicated if we get hurt in the landing.

A metaphorical fall, however, leaves a choice. While getting up is logical – it’s often complicated by many factors.

Hurt feelings can leave deeper scars than surgical incisions. The surface scar may be obvious – but the damaged tissue below is unseen. It’s far harder to get up from that than a literal fall.

This is why it’s a choice. When you get hurt, fail, lose, or experience any other kind of fall, you choose to get back up. Or not.

What does metaphorically not getting up look like? Alcohol abuse, crippling depression, suicidal behavior, withdrawal, anxiety, and similar greater and lesser reactions. The choice that is made is to stay down and languish.

Of course, some things are harder to get up from than others. I am in no way discounting that. Trauma and its impact is different in everyone. But so long as you are living, you can choose to get back up when you fall.

As the Japanese proverb goes,

“Nana korobi ya oki (fall down seven times and get up eight).”

Some of the greatest lessons we learn in life come from – and after – a fall.

So long as we are drawing breath, we have options. And a fall can often be one hell of a life lesson.

Undesirable, maybe. But still useful.

Photo by Mats Hagwall on UnsplashLessons learned from falls

Many of the most successful people in their industry “fell” at one time or another. They failed and fell multiple times along the way.

And many of them are well known today. Henry Ford, Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, Hillary Clinton – all of them fell along the way, yet managed to get back up. (I am not relaying their stories here – but Google them if you want to know more).

In the words of my favorite Jedi Grand Master, Yoda,

“The greatest teacher failure is.”

When we fall, we can get back up. So long as we live, we can stand. It might be challenging, might not be easy, and/or it may require assistance – but we can get back up again.

Every failure, misstep, mistake, and error can be a lesson. Each lesson teaches us something that may be of tremendous value going forward.

They might be hard lessons. You learn there are people you can’t trust, experiences not worth having, and maybe even the path you believe you should be on isn’t right. But you can always get back up and keep going so long as you live.

Get back up and try anew

We all fall from time to time. It’s an unavoidable fact of life. But after we fall, we get back up.

It might take a while, and it might not be the same as it was before you fell. But that doesn’t mean it will be bad. In fact, it might be amazing.

When I got hit by a car crossing a street – and spent a year recovering – that was a hell of a fall. But it showed me more about who I am – and who I can be – than I could ever have imagined before.

I still work hard to achieve my goals and be the most optimum me that I can be. And I fall sometimes. But I get back up – every time – and keep going.

Life is, for me, most exciting when I learn new things and have new experiences. Getting up after a fall can be an eye-opening experience that might change you for the better.

Literally or figuratively – when you fall, you choose to get back up. Or not. But when you literally fall – do you stay down and miss out on what’s happening around you? So long as you live, no, you get back up again. Why not do the same when the fall is metaphorical?

Unless you plan to drop dead then and there – you get back up when you fall. This should be as true when the fall is intangible as when it’s tangible. Do it again. Maybe the same, maybe differently. But you keep on keeping on.

Everybody will fall from time to time. How you get back up, however, is a choice. Be confident and know you are stronger from the fall when you get back up.

How do you get back up when you take a fall?

This is the five-hundred and twelfth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world. Additionally, I desire to empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Do You Get Back Up and Focus on New, Stronger Confidence When You Fall? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Do You Grasp Your Life to be Lacking or Abundant?

Lacking or abundant – you get to choose how to experience your life.

Photo by serge vorobets on Unsplash

This seems like a lie, right? That lack or abundance is a choice?

The short answer is that it is.

The long answer, however, is much more complex.

First, I want to share my favorite Einstein quote, because it’s an important part of this.

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

That, to me, means that reality is what you and I believe that it is.

Certain shared beliefs create the collective consciousness. That’s the overall mindset that drives society. It’s the collective consciousness where we all agree that the sky is blue, grass is green, and the like.

Deeper than that, the collective consciousness is also where the fear-base lies. And for the most part, it’s fueled by lack, scarcity, and insufficiency.

Nearly every politician implies that there is not enough to go around – so when you don’t vote for them, you’ll suffer from the lack and scarcity that comes of that. Advertising is all about selling us on being lacking and suffering if we don’t buy this, that, or the other thing. Social media is dominated by stories of lack, scarcity, insufficiency – and suffering that will happen when we experience them.

When we accept this version of reality – that’s what we get. Consciousness creates reality.

But that’s not how it has to be. For all the messages of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency – the reality is quite a bit different.

This is an abundant Universe

The known Universe is so vast, that our Milky Way galaxy is but 1 percent of the total amount of its makeup. The Milky Way galaxy is but 1 of somewhere between 170 billion and 2 trillion other galaxies.

Given all that – how can the Universe be anything but abundant? I can’t fathom a way.

Most of the things we come to see as lacking simply aren’t. Or, if they are – what we don’t see is that they can be replaced.

For example – fossil fuels, our primary source of energy for many things – have only been such for about 130 years. And though it’s our primary source now – we’re already seeing more use of wind, solar, and more readily renewable sources coming into play.

The point is that there will always be something to fuel our world. If we run out of gas, we’ll find or create an alternative.

This is a tangible, material item I’m writing about. When it comes to the intangible and immaterial – they are ultimately unlimited.

There is more than enough of every single emotion you can conceive of to go around – good and bad. Love is not scarce but incredibly abundant. Unfortunately, so is hate.

When it comes to virtually everything in the Universe we can conceive of – material or immaterial – it’s abundant. All notions to the contrary are artificial and made up.

Why? Because lack, scarcity, and insufficiency disempower. Many of those “in power” – whatever form that takes – dislike that. They feel if we’re empowered, we won’t need them anymore.

And to some degree – they’re not wrong. The more we’re empowered the more we’re self-capable.

Hence the question – do you grasp your life to be lacking or abundant? Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Lacking or abundant is your perception

In our consumerism-obsessed society – lack and scarcity are the primary selling points.

Whatever goods, services, or ideas someone desires to sell you – more often than not, the reason they want to convince you to buy is to alleviate lack and scarcity. From politics to shoes – it’s all about lack and scarcity.

Why? Because when you believe in lack and scarcity you fear the suffering that they will cause.

It’s not the lack, scarcity, or insufficiency we fear. It’s actually the suffering they will cause that we’re afraid of.

And “they” will tell you all the many, painful, unpleasant ways you will be suffering when you lack. They will convince you – via fear of suffering – to buy the expensive car you don’t need or the incumbent sexist misogynistic politician who doesn’t give a shit about anyone but his own power. They play on your fear of suffering from the apparent lack and scarcity to convince you to buy.

Mostly, the fear of suffering is far worse than the suffering we fear we’ll experience. In the words of Paulo Coelho from The Alchemist,

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

When you pause and look at your life, as it is, right now, for the most part – I suspect you aren’t lacking.

I presume if you’re reading this you have a roof over your head, air in your lungs, food in your belly, potential, and possibilities. You may desire more, and maybe in some ways you are suffering – I am not discounting that. But your perspective and whether you focus on the negative or the positive is wholly in your control.

Reality and how you perceive it – lacking or abundant – is up to you.

Photo by Tobias Tullius on UnsplashMindfulness gives you control

Most of the messages about lack and scarcity bombard us in such a way that they drill into our subconscious. Primarily because we absorb them subconsciously.

Sitting in front of the TV, scrolling through social media, listening to the radio, and the like tends to be a subconscious act. You don’t think about it – you simply do it. As such, between the points where you are paying attention – like during commercials – you’re on autopilot.

Though not overtly subliminal – advertising is meant to appeal to our subconscious desires. So is most of the online clickbait. When you recognize and acknowledge it you’re much more likely to ignore it or reject it.

Hence why mindfulness is so powerful. When you work to be consciously aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you are mindful. That awakens your conscious mind – mindset/headspace/psyche self – and makes you alert to what is happening at that moment.

When you are working in your conscious mind – you can see what’s feeding into your subconscious. And as such, you can choose if you grasp your life to be lacking or abundant. Are you accepting a life of lack, scarcity, and insufficiency – or one of abundance instead?

Practicing mindfulness is how you take control over the only thing you can control – you. By working with your conscious awareness – rather than living subconsciously – you empower yourself. And that is all the control anyone needs.

Whether you believe it or not – the choice IS yours. You get to grasp your life, the world, and Universe around you as lacking or abundant.

Choosing to grasp life as lacking or abundant isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that each of us has a unique perspective on reality, we get to decide if we see it as negative and lacking – or positive and abundant. When we work to be consciously aware, we can take control of our subconscious mind and better see the abundance of the universe. That ultimately empowers us.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate even more positivity and gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.

Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

This is the four hundred and first entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Do You Grasp Your Life to be Lacking or Abundant? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Does Journal Therapy Work?

I forgot how powerful journal therapy can be.

Photo by Ashlyn Ciara on Unsplash

Let me start by stating that I am in no way a medical professional, therapist, or the like. All of what I know is based on many different life experiences over the years.

From the mid-90s through about 2004 I journaled regularly. I have multiple formerly blank books filled with many thoughts, feelings, intentions, and ideas from that period.

When I maintained those journals, I was writing as little as weekly and as frequently as daily. But I dropped personal thoughts in there, examined experiences I had had, lamented problems and negative situations, and all sorts of other, deeply personal things.

To be blunt – most of them are terribly depressing. I was not in a good space during much of that time.

Looking back, I know I spent most of my 20s and 30s with little to no direction, a penchant for indecision, and loads of inaction. I was living utterly in fear of being abandoned and left friendless if I succeeded or failed. So, I tended to do little to nothing.

Over the next 15 years plus, I spent a lot of time on the now-defunct LiveJournal and started blogging. Maintaining a handwritten journal fell to the wayside. My last journal book was started in 2004 and today is still not entirely filled.

But in January of this year, I decided I needed to return to this practice. As I worked to better clarify my path and do more work as a writer, I began keeping a new journal.

I have nearly filled a new book this year alone. Every weekday I journal – and it’s been far more cathartic than I gave it credit for.

Thus, I’d like to share with you the power of journal therapy.

Life is in constant motion

No matter who you are or what you do, your life is always in motion. There are things to do, people to talk to, places to go, and experiences to be had.

Sometimes this is utterly routine. One day blends into the next, then into the next, and it feels like stagnation. However – truth be told – you are always in motion.

That being written, it’s easy to lose sight of things. With technology offering immediate information and misinformation, outside influences, the expectations of both ourselves and others – the constant inundation is exhausting.

Recognizing this, I decided it was necessary to pause for a time during workdays (because even doing my own thing, I work Monday-Friday like my wife does), and write out my thoughts and feelings.

How does this differ from the articles I write and share? I don’t want to say that I am more honest, because that’s not it. But I am more direct with myself, as the only person who will see my handwritten journal is me.

Journal therapy, for me, is selfish. But that’s not a bad thing. When I am writing in my journal it is to collect my thoughts, feelings, and intentions raw.

Unlike my journals of old, the entries I write are more thoughtful and much less depressive. I depressed a LOT in my old journal entries.

But it’s therapeutic to journal again. Because I have somewhere to leave my most intimate and personal notions.

Journal therapy is a useful tool for taking a break to assess the constant motion of life. And write out, at the moment, in-depth mindfulness impressions.

Journal therapy is self-driven

More than once, I’ve considered if I should go into the therapy field. Its greatest difference from the self-help/self-encouragement field is more science – and a degree I don’t have.

I love the practice of art therapy. How art can help us be centered and better balanced.

Along that line, as a writer, I believe journal therapy can be equally empowering.

But it’s a self-driven form of therapy. Nobody is helping me to do it, telling me when and how to journal, or checking my work when it’s done or not.

I choose to journal every workday. If I don’t – that’s wholly on me.

I choose what to write in my journal. If I don’t use it as a form of therapy and just keep it light and fluffy – that’s on me, too.

Truth be told, most of what I write in my journal isn’t too far removed from the blogs I write and share. The biggest difference is that I am not writing for myself and an audience in my journal – I am writing purely mindfully in the moment for myself.

When I am feeling angry, frustrated, upset, trepidatious, or otherwise negative – journal therapy is how I can suss it out. Why am I feeling this way? What am I thinking about? How come I am experiencing negativity?

When I journaled before, the depression and negativity were less thought-out. They were simply expressed – largely to get them the hell out of my head.

Now, I explore them. I seek to understand them, where they come from, and why they are with me. In doing so – I can better recognize them, acknowledge them, and work them out. And that’s very cathartic.

This is, however, wholly on me to do – or not.

Photo by Ashlyn Ciara on UnsplashJournal therapy is not a substitute for professionals

I chose to take up journal therapy again to address something I sensed was missing – but couldn’t put my finger on it.

I cannot deny that the last few years have been rough.

Between the horror that was the Trump administration and the ongoing hypocrisy of the Republican party, COVID-19, major social unrest, and various other way-outside-my-control matters – depression, like the nasty black dog it can be, kept taking bites out of me.

Still, I decided to do more to walk the path I have desired to – and set forth to write, edit, and publish more books while blogging 6 days a week.

I practice meditation for 20 minutes a day, work to practice mindfulness regularly, and have been a lot more diligent about my overall dietary habits and exercise. I take an antidepressant to maintain an even level. All of these have helped. But adding journal therapy into the mix was the missing step that tied it all together.

However – if I continued to feel that I didn’t have a handle on things with journal therapy and my other practices – I would seek professional help. I’ve benefited massively from professional therapy many times throughout my life.

If all these things I am doing for my own good were not empowering me I would seek therapy again. Professional therapy is powerful and empowering – and not to be neglected because you don’t think you need help.

It is not a weakness to seek help. Sometimes asking for help is the bravest, strongest thing you can do.

Practice gratitude

As part of my ongoing daily routines that I track and check off via an Excel spreadsheet – I write out 5 things for which am grateful every day. All my journal entries this year have featured this.

Why? Because gratitude is the key to conscious reality creation. When you’re not grateful for the things you have and the people in your life – how do you expect to draw in new things to be grateful for?

Gratitude empowers conscious reality creation like a sci-fi antimatter drive. The power that it represents is virtually limitless.

Gratitude for all I have – material and immaterial – is a calming and centering tool. That helps make any form of mindfulness, conscious reality creation, and self-work that much more effective and powerful.

Including that as part of my journal therapy has been amazing – because gratitude is always positive. And we can always use more positives in our daily lives, especially to combat the overwhelming outside influences constantly bombarding us.

Adding journal therapy back into my life has been amazing for me. I forgot how powerful journal therapy can be. I can never have too many tools for my wellness and wellbeing – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Do you do some form of art or journal therapy for yourself?

This is the five-hundred and eleventh exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post How Does Journal Therapy Work? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Do You Wear Your Scars?

Scars can be sources of pride or regret. What do you choose?

Photo of and by the author

Everyone has scars.

It’s true that some people have no physical scars to show. But emotional, mental, and spiritual scars are just as impactful.

Visible or invisible, scars are a part of life for everyone. Some are very superficial while others run deep. Scars are like receipts – they’re proof of purchase for life.

What does that even mean? Nobody lives in a perfect bubble. Period. Everyone has interactions with other people throughout their lives. Even the most introverted and separated people you know either do or have had interactions with others.

Those interactions – whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual – will make impressions. Some are barely noteworthy, while others cut deep literally or figuratively. There are impressions made that fade outside of the immediate moment in which they happen – while there are impressions that sink so deeply into our psyches that they last a lifetime.

Once the impression is made, how it remains, however, is up to you and me. Pride or regret, positivity or negativity, good or bad – you and I choose.

How is this a choice?

When something happens – at the immediate moment of it’s happening – you will have a visceral, instantaneous, lizard-brain reaction. When good, it could feel like your heart is soaring and choirs of angels sing. If bad, it could feel like your stomach dropping out from under you and a sad trombone playing. Those immediate reactions simply ARE. And they will differ depending on the circumstances.

When I see an upward spike in views in my Medium.com stats, at that moment I feel elated. When the numbers are flat or stagnant, I feel annoyed or irked.

But once that immediate moment passes – what I continue to feel is on me. I could take a positive feeling and apply it to the rest of my day. Likewise, I can take the negative feeling and let that direct how my day goes.

Or – I can temper it. Pause, reflect, accept, and/or redirect.

How does that work?

Pause

Deep breath. This is a moment in time. I know my lizard brain has reacted to this situation in this way.

Reflect

Why am I reacting like this? Does this visceral, immediate reaction serve me or not? Should I allow this to dictate how the rest of my day goes?

Accept

This is how I reacted in the moment. If good – accept it and move on. If bad – then I need to accept it and move on. But that requires one more step.

Redirect

Whatever happened, happened, and the immediate reaction was. Now, I choose to allow it to impact the rest of my time – day, week, year, life, etc. – or not.

That is how this is a choice. The immediate reaction is not. But what follows is. We’re empowered to work with this – or not. We can make that choice – and take the control that is our due.

But what about scars?

Physical scars tend to happen instantly. Or rather, the inciting incident that leads to the scar is instantaneous.

When I was 6 years old or so, I received a gift that was sealed shut with plastic. To open said plastic, I used a pair of scissors. Badly. In doing so, I slid the blades into the top of my left hand. It wasn’t a bone-deep cut – but it ran deep. I put a couple of Bandaids on it to stop the bleeding.

But it left a mark. Decades later, I have this cool-looking triangular scar on the top of my left hand. It looks almost like the Star Trek Starfleet symbol.

Photo of and by the author

I wear this scar with pride. And it’s the first of many, many scars on this body.

Each scar tells a story. The scar under my right eyebrow from when a neighbor kid threw a rock at me. A scar on my right bicep where my friend’s dog bit me. My very scarred right leg, where they did a skin graft over the wound on my shin and a bone graft in my calf, as well as the broad scar across my right shoulder where they implanted titanium plates to repair my shattered clavicle after I got hit by a car crossing a street.

Different scars, different times of my life, different stories. But I wear all of them with pride because they show how I have been resilient, survived, and frankly thrived.

Those are the scars you can see.

What about the invisible scars?

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have invisible scars. These cut deep because they live in our conscious and subconscious minds. Our egos use them to hold us back and prop us up.

You can’t see the scars left behind by my parents’ divorce when I was 5. Nor the scars left by the rejection from the uber-select madrigal group in high school. The scars from all my failed attempts to get into professional radio after college don’t show. Nor any of the others from mental, emotional, and spiritual hurts.

But they are there. And how they have impacted me – or continue to – is on me. I can use the same tools to deal with them as with any other visceral reaction.

What caused the mental, emotional, or spiritual scar in the first place happens instantly. Just like physical scarring, the inciting incident tends to be instantaneous.

You get fired. A lover dumps you. Someone you thought was a friend betrays your trust. You realize you’ve made a mistake and all the work related to it becomes pointless. These all scar just as much – if not more – as physical injuries.

Yet even these scars can be sources of pride or regret. And to decide that, you have the power to choose just the same as any visceral, immediate, lizard-brain reaction.

How does that work?

Pause

Step out of the moment. Don’t dwell on it, stare at it, trace it out, or whatever. Yes, this is going to leave a scar – but after this moment, how deep it runs you get to choose.

Reflect

How has this scarred me? Why is this impacting me in this way? Do I allow this to dictate similar life experiences positively or negatively? What has this scarring experience taught me?

Accept

I cannot take back what has occurred. It hurt, it probably sucks, and my confidence and self-esteem are shaken. But I acknowledge that, see what happens, and choose to bear this scar with pride rather than regret. I accept that it is what it is – and I choose to move on from this point – or stay here.

Redirect

I paused, reflected on, and accepted this thing happen and has scarred me. Now, I choose to allow it to impact the rest of my time – day, week, year, life, etc. – or not.

It’s important to understand that it can take a lot of time to change a scar you bear with shame and regret to one you wear with pride. And being proud of a scar is not necessarily the scar itself – but how you came out on the other side of it.

One very important caveat here. When the suffering from a scar is self-inflicted, this is easier to work with. When the scar results from trauma – rape, assault, or anything someone did to you – those scars run deepest. They take time to clean and debride and require a lot of work.

That work is yours to choose. But know that you are not alone. Everyone has scars – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. And we should talk about them more than pretend they don’t exist.

How do you wear your scars?

Photo by Ben White on UnsplashChoosing how we wear our scars isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that everyone has scars both visible and invisible – we can be mindful and consciously aware of how they impact our lives after the initial inciting incident. When we see that we can choose to wear all scars – physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual – with pride or regret, we can decide to make a choice. And that ultimately empowers us.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.

Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

This is the three-hundred and ninety-eighth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post How Do You Wear Your Scars? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Choose When You Get to Choose

You get to decide to choose – or not – when faced with a choice.

Photo by Evangeline Shaw on Unsplash

For the longest time, I was really good at deciding not to decide.

I would stand with a choice before me – and overthink the crap out of it. I’d explore every possible “what if?” scenario, fear getting my choice wrong and having to suffer due to that – until the choice was no longer mine to make.

Opportunities passed me by. Things happened outside of my control despite my having had the choice to be in control – but not taking it. I crowned myself the King of Indecision for almost 2 decades.

I learned a lot from that time in my life. And despite frequently deciding not to decide – I had some interesting life experiences both good and bad.

But I was frequently left wanting. I constantly lamented not living to my potential, half-assing my way through things, and always felt lacking.

Not choosing is a choice. And many people live that choice all the time. Why? Because they don’t think they can choose. Or rather, they don’t think they can choose correctly without suffering if they choose poorly.

The disempowering messages of advertising; business, religious and political leaders; and the like cause us to see lack, scarcity, and limitations among a few, scarce, potentially poor choices.  

Be thin or be rejected. Buy that car or be thought poorly of. Hold that job or forever be held suspect. Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps and accept no help lest you be viewed as weak. Look familiar?

It seems easier sometimes not to choose so that you don’t get it wrong. But not choosing has some rather unpleasant consequences.

Anxiety, depression, and other consequences

Simply put – when you have a choice but don’t choose – you open yourself up to the whims of the world.

Not choosing doesn’t empower – but disempowers you. It leaves you vulnerable to this, that, or the other thing. Other people, environments, and situations will throw you about like a plastic bag in the wind.

And that wind might be gentle – or it might be a tornado.

Not choosing means not taking control over a given situation.

When we yield control in that way – and make no choices – that disempowerment can turn unpleasant. It can lead to depression, anxiety, uncertainty, and worse. These consequences of not choosing to make choices can then be compounded.

That can lead to the act of choosing going from being difficult to virtually impossible without major second-guessing, anxiety, and depression stemming from over-analysis.

These and similar unpleasant consequences can be avoided by choosing when you have a choice.

Choices are made by first being aware that you have them. Awareness of choices requires you to look at them, think about them, consider how they will make you feel, and if the intent behind them is something that resonates with you if you act.

That awareness might begin externally – but the analysis of it is internal.

Examining and knowing your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – aligning with or against the choice – makes you mindful. And mindfulness is how you take the control that you can.

That, FYI, is control of yourself. Because you, and you alone, control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. Or rather, you’re empowered to take that control. And often that’s via choosing to make choices.

Choosing to take control

After getting hit by a car crossing a street – and a whole lot of lessons learned while recovering – I started to reexamine my indecisiveness.

This was not a quick process. It took a combination of self-examination, therapy, meditation, mindfulness practice, and action. But undoing nearly 2 decades of being indecisive wasn’t going to happen overnight.

I began to see that when I had a choice before me – choosing was seldom a death sentence. Any suffering from a poor choice was often far, far less than I imagined it would be. As Paulo Coelho states so eloquently in The Alchemist,

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”

I came to see that most of my indecision was borne of fearing to suffer. What’s more, I saw how most of the suffering I DID experience resulting from a poor choice was not nearly as terrible as I feared it might be.

Thus, I began to make more choices. Big and small, rather than stand at a crossroads or retain my crown as the King of Indecision – I would choose when I had a choice.

And it paid off in spades. I started to much more often live life – rather than let life live me. There were amazing experiences I had that I wouldn’t have had without making a choice. I met and married a most amazing partner after making choices I had previously avoided in numerous relationships.

When I chose to stop trying to live in the molds of the world created by others, I was more content, better centered, and felt the control I had always desired for my life.

I still have plenty of bad days. But overall, releasing the disempowerment of indecision by choosing to make choices has been empowering.

Photo by Egor Myznik on UnsplashChoose to empower yourself

Though the idea of choosing wrong can be scary – making a choice, right or wrong, is empowering. The decision is a matter of the now. Being present, here and now, opens the door to being in touch with your conscious self. It also allows you to see how your ego connects between your conscious and subconscious self and the world around you.

Ever notice how advertisements, leaders, and other aspects of society either tell you there is no choice, or that the choices are lacking and scarce? When you don’t think you have a choice at all – you might choose not to choose.

Take politics as a perfect example. If the number of people who choose not to vote went out and voted – a lot of the worst leaders wouldn’t be in power. The silent majority would keep moving things forward.

But they want you to believe that your vote doesn’t matter. Because as much as they want the votes, they know most people would oppose them. Thus, they prefer keeping it murky and having you choose not to choose.

That is ultimately disempowering. But when we decide to choose – we empower ourselves.

The only real control you and I have is over ourselves. Specifically, apart from our general appearance, we can only control our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

When you have a choice, you analyze how it will impact those elements. Choosing means you have decided to make the choice and assume control over it by making it. That empowers you.

Of course, it might not be a great choice. You might choose wrong. And while that could be the case – the suffering from that wrong choice is probably not nearly as awful as you might fear it to be.

Decide to choose or not

When we decide to choose, we decide to empower ourselves. Empowerment is how we take control of our lives and can choose and decide to better them. That’s how we leave toxic relationships and jobs, start exciting and uncertain ventures, begin new relationships, and experience life as fully as we can.

Nobody is here to just exist. While it’s important to work for the greater good – via kindness, compassion, and empathy – we’re not drones or slaves to anyone else. We are each individually endowed with the ability to think, feel, intend, and act. Being the only one in our heads, hearts, and souls is a gift.

How we use our gift is wholly on each of us alone. We decide if we will make choices and experience life actively through them – or choose not to choose and experience life passively.

The power is ours to choose. Or not. You and I get to decide to choose or not when faced with a choice.

I, for one, prefer to take control and choose for myself to experience my life as fully as I can. In that way – I choose to find and/or create the path I most desire to take for my life.

Do you choose when you have choices before you?

This is the five-hundred and tenth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Choose When You Get to Choose appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

I Didn’t See That Coming

I didn’t see that coming – but can I choose positivity over negativity for this?

Photo by Bermix Studio on Unsplash

Things happen outside of our control every single day.

Most are majorly insignificant. Getting cut-off in traffic, having someone hold an elevator for you, unexpected text messages, learning your favorite actor is in a movie, sudden downpours, and so forth. No big deal, these things are frequent occurrences.

Some are annoying, frustrating, irritating, and negative. Others are pleasing, encouraging, helpful, and positive. Either way, they happen and tend to have little overall impact.

But then, there are the bigger things that happen. Good or bad, the reaction you have to them might be, “I didn’t see that coming.”

Because we live in a fear-based society, this is most often associated with the negative. “I didn’t see that coming” implies unexpected negatives. Car accidents, homes burning down, firings, break-ups, and deaths all get tied into this statement.

Thus, more often than not, expecting the unexpected tends to skew negatively. What’s going to go wrong this time? What’s the worst-case scenario? How will this fall apart? And no matter what we plan, we still wind up thinking that I didn’t see that coming.

What if, rather than be constantly on the lookout for negatives – we stay grounded and be on the lookout for positives?

To control this, of course, requires practicing mindfulness.

Mindfulness and reason

Mindfulness is the starting point for looking at the world in a positive or negative light.

I postulate that the main reason we live in a fear-based society is that most people live subconsciously. They are, at best, half-awake. They go through life by rote and routine, oblivious to how empowered they truly are.

Then, to add insult to injury, they are frequently disempowered by every stripe of leader they follow. From parents to bosses to religious leaders to politicians – they are subjected to frequent disempowerment.

When you start to practice mindfulness – conscious awareness, in the now, of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you become empowered. That’s because your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions are the only things you truly have control of.

Mindfulness of this is how you cease to be subconscious. And that makes you aware of our fear-based society.

The antidote for fear is not love, but reason. Reason is how you see that the largely intangible things we’re afraid of have no power over us – unless we allow them that power.

When fear was tangible and protecting us from death – it was a very different animal. Now, though, it tends to be all about fear of suffering. Not that we’re going to die – but that life is going to suck.

When we become consciously aware via mindfulness – we are empowered. When we’re empowered, we can more easily see fear for what it is – particularly the intangible.

Then, we can choose for ourselves to be on the lookout for I didn’t see that coming from a positive – rather than negative – expectation.

I didn’t see that coming

Expectation can be powerful.

Hence, if you expect bad things to happen – they tend to. That’s because consciousness creates reality.

Like the Law of Gravity, the Law of Attraction works whether you believe in it or not. It’s a law of nature that functions no matter what.

Even still, things happen all the time outside our control. Hence why even if you focus on positivity, negativity can and will occur.

To be blunt – shit happens. I can be the best-damned driver on the road. Yet when someone swings hard right to make a left turn at the edge of my blindspot, we’ll likely have a car accident on our hands.

Clearly, I didn’t see that coming – and it sucked. But now it’s on me to decide what to do with this.

If I expect to always be in danger, constantly be threatened, and life to be an endless struggle – that’s going to be my life experience. The Law of Attraction does its work just like the Law of Gravity keeps my feet on the ground.

It’s far easier to handle these negative occurrences when you are more mindful. That’s because, rather than be on autopilot and at the whims of this, that, or the other thing – you’re in control.

This is why it’s also possible that “I didn’t see that coming” can be something amazing.

I am in the middle of such an experience. I’m going to be vague about this for multiple reasons. A situation I approached from necessity – that I didn’t really desire to have to do – took an unexpected turn. Instead of slogging through with something I had no interest in doing, I have an unplanned-for opportunity before me that I am super-excited about.

And no – I didn’t see that coming.

Photo by David Clode on UnsplashPositivity vs toxic positivity

Would I be here if I had been focused on negativity instead of seeking positivity? I doubt it. I’ve been working to bring more good into my life via mindfulness – and this unexpected happening looks damned good.

BUT – and this is important – I have not been working with mindfulness and positivity to the exclusion of negativity.

Approaching life from a more positive place is not at all about neglecting, denying, or even avoiding negativity. That’s because negativity is utterly unavoidable. It can and will occur – because life is a paradox. There are two sides to every coin.

Toxic positivity is all about erasing bad things and negativity. Which you can’t. That’s impractical and unrealistic. Positivity is the yin that recognizes the yang of negativity.

But where I put my attention and intention is wholly on me. If I expect the unexpected to be crap and bad – that’s what I’m most likely to get. Whereas if I work from a more positive place, I am more likely to experience good.

But realistically – even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Negative people have good things happen while positive people experience bad things. But where you choose to stand – in the plus or the minus – you choose.

When I didn’t see that coming is from a positive place – whatever “that” is becomes more manageable, for good or ill. And that is utterly worthwhile to me.

Everyone experiences “I didn’t see that coming” moments

Choosing if we approach life from positivity or negativity isn’t hard. It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that you control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions, you can choose to focus on attracting positivity into your life so that when “I didn’t see that coming” occurs – good or bad – you can handle it. When you work from mindfulness and choose to seek reason and good over fear and bad, that ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.

Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

This is the three-hundred and ninety-ninth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post I Didn’t See That Coming appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Why Am I Afraid to Succeed?

How does the question “what if I succeed?” evoke subconscious fear?Photo by Stefano Zocca on Unsplash

This question has been plaguing my path for a long time.

Every time I work on a path I desire to follow – something happens that causes me to abandon it, stop giving it my full attention, and/or self-sabotage. This is, of course, not conducive to success.

Why? Why do I always do this? How come I am constantly getting in my own way? What causes me to get oh-so-close to success and then lose all momentum?

Fear. The answer is fear.

Fear of success? Most definitely.

Why would I fear success? Because with success comes change. And change is full to overflowing of uncertainty. It’s the unknown.

If I manage to succeed things will change. And somewhere, deep inside my psyche, I fear success.

For a long time, I lived my life in indecision. Frequently, I made no choices, hmmed and hawed about this, that, or the other thing. I didn’t commit to anything – jobs, relationships, homes – take your pick. For years, my theme song was U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.

I spent all my 20s and more than half of my 30s in this state. The grass was always greener, there was a better place to live, a more fitting job, a more meaningful relationship – nothing was settled in my life.

Why? Fear. Fear of missing out, fear of fucking it all up, fear of failure. Ultimately, fear of abandonment was borne of childhood emotional detachment after my parents’ divorce.

For a decade now, I have shifted my life to a much more decisive and stable approach. I don’t settle – I actively seek and find.

Yet I remain just at the cusp of success in my career. Nearly but not-quite-there.

Maybe examining this more closely will help find some answers.

What does nearly but not-quite-there look like?

Over the past 10 years, multiple aspects of my life came together. I finally committed to a relationship, a place to call home, being truer to myself, and real pursuit of writing as my career.

Yet it’s my finances and my career where I continue to be unable to succeed. I get nearly – but not-quite there.

What does that mean? Let me elaborate:

In 2019, I began to write blogs for Medium daily. Recently, another writer on Medium postulated that someone with the number of back-catalog articles – such as I have – should be earning a minimum of $100 a month from Medium.

Nearly there – but not quite. I have gained more than 1000 followers on Medium – but that still doesn’t add up to sufficient reads to earn me $100 a month or better. And the recent article that had an impact? I can’t figure out what makes it stand out from all the rest.

In 2020, at the height of the pandemic, I decided I needed a broader writing focus and a deeper catalog of published books. I self-published 3 novels in 2020, and 4 novels so far in 2021, with 2 more on the way.

My whole catalog of published sci-fi, fantasy, and Steampunk novels is presently 10 novels plus 2 anthologies. I have 3 titles also offered as audiobooks.

If I sold 10 copies for Kindle of each title per month, I’d make somewhere between $1500 and $2500 (depending on the percent I earn per book). If any one title sold 100 copies in a month, that would net the same. That’s a rather decent monthly salary.

Most months I am seeing less than $50.

Doesn’t that make this an issue with outside responses – and thus, outside of my control? Not entirely.

Outside response and inner beliefs combine

While I know that I cannot force anyone to buy my books – and I am at the whim of readers and their interest – I also know that my attitude and approach have an impact, too.

Consciousness creates reality. It doesn’t matter if you believe in the Law of Attraction and that like attracts like or not – that’s how it works.

Ergo, somewhere deep inside, subconsciously, I am not believing that I should succeed. Something is holding me back, which is why I am nearly but not-quite-there.

Am I doing the work? Yes. Am I giving it my all? I believe so. Do I believe I am worthy of success? Not entirely.

Why? Because deep down – I am afraid when it comes to success. Hence, why I can get super close – yet remain nearly but not-quite-there.

Ergo, somewhere deep in my psyche, I’m afraid to succeed.

What am I afraid of? Leaving what I have behind. My nearly but not-quite-there comfort zone. Change, uncertainty, and loss.  

I know that consciousness creates reality. That’s why I keep writing about it. I’ve made it work for me. But I’ve also used it to self-sabotage, too.

So – why the hell am I so afraid to succeed? It’s time to lay it out and see it for what it is – and isn’t.

Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on UnsplashThe worst-case scenario if I succeed

What’s the worst that could happen if I succeed?

I think it probably looks like this:

Friends will be driven awayI will become an egotistical assholeMy wife will resent meI’ll lose control and spend all my earnings on frivolous stuffLife will change and I will get lost inside of thatMy family will get (more) upset with meI will be abandoned, left in the cold, and lose everyone I care about because I do something idioticMy sense of self will be lost in my successSuccess will be fleeting and unsustainableSomething else I cannot at all predict will make life miserable

Fear can be powerful. But here’s the thing I need to look at: None of the above is permanent. It’s not death. All of it is changeable again. And, what’s more, many of the things I fear might come to pass are utterly, completely, and totally in my control.

Who I am, how I behave, what I do as a result of success are mine to control. So long as I remain mindful and keep working with all that I have been – if and when I slip – I can reclaim my center.

Change is inevitable. That’s how the Universe works. It’s the only constant in the universe. Along with change comes uncertainty.

Logically, I know all this. Emotionally, however, my subconscious is afraid of leaving this nearly-but-not-quite-there comfort zone.

So – let’s flip it around.

The best-case scenario if I succeed

What’s the best that could happen if I succeed?

I gain new friendsConnections are made with other authors I would love to get to know personallyI earn enough money to zero out my credit cards and pay off the carsInvestments are made so my wife can retire when she choosesI respect myself more by proving I can do itOther doors are open to places I desire to go. Speaking gigs, teaching gigs, and moreMy sense of self is strengthened by my success and I doubt myself lessI gain new insight into better mindfulness practicesNew people are inspired, positively influenced, and empowered by my workLife will change and even more possibilities and potential will be foundSomething else I cannot predict will make life even more amazing

Is that scary? Yes, actually. Why? Because it’s the unknown. It’s a place outside of my current comfort zone that I both deeply desire to be – yet fear due to uncertainty.

Worst-case or best-case scenario – my comfort zone must be left behind. I need to take steps away from what I know and what is certain into the unknown and uncertain.

If I don’t succeed – I’m still here. There are options and new ideas to be found, tried, and tested to get where I desire to go.

If I do succeed – I’m still here. There are options and new ideas to be found, tried, and tested to get where I desire to go.

How do I overcome the fear?

The answer is mindfulness.

I need to work to be more mindful. That means I must spend more time being consciously aware – here and now – of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

It is also in my best interest to keep my worst and best-case scenarios of success handy. That way, I can look at them from a mindful perspective and address them directly.

This cannot be overcome passively. That won’t work, because most of the fears are rooted so deeply that I only recognize them for what they are when I analyze them as I have here. Thus, I must keep that analysis close at hand and use mindfulness to work with and through it.

This is not hard to do. I just need to ask questions of myself such as,

What am I thinking?How am I feeling?What am I feeling?What am I doing and what’s my intent?

These and similar questions – asked aloud – make me mindful in the present moment of my inner self. They put me in touch with my conscious mind – my mindset/headspace/psyche self. That, then, allows me to check my ego as I connect to my subconscious. Touching my subconscious informs me of my values, beliefs, and habits.

My fear of success is in those subconscious roots. Mindfulness, thus, is how I address and change this.

When I mindfully ask myself – Why am I afraid to succeed? – I have the answers. Mindfulness of that is how I can overcome the fear and get myself where I most desire to be.

Thanks for reading. I hope sharing this helps you overcome any fears you are facing of this same nature.

Do you have fears of success?

This is the five-hundred and ninth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info and click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Why Am I Afraid to Succeed? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

You Can Choose to See Problems or See Solutions

Problems or solutions – the choice for what you see is yours.

Photo by Louise Viallesoubranne on Unsplash

It is all too easy to see problems in the world.

Spend any time whatsoever online and you’ll be bombarded by problems. Financial issues, pandemic issues, politicians being terrible, good people suffering due to bad people, and so on. Problems are everywhere – you hardly need to look for them.

Yet most people do. A great deal of our conditioning is problem-based and problem-oriented.

Problem-solving, for example, sounds like a good thing. And on the one hand – it is. But on the other – the focus is automatically given to the problem.

When your life is in neutral – shifting out of it tends to be all about where you are in relation to this problem or that. Find a problem and solve it.

What we fail to see is that all the focus on the problems makes them much more apparent. And, even more than that, we direct our attention to seeking out problems. Then, when we find them, we are easily overwhelmed by them.

One of the hardest things to do when learning to be more consciously aware and mindful is to shift focus away from problems. This tends to be my largest issue.

Though overall I am good at staying mostly positive and working to control my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – sometimes I get drawn into problems. More often than not this involves finances.

When that happens, the problems always seem to compile. That then leads to frustration, anger, doubt, and tons of negativity.

When this happens, I need to remember to shift my focus away from problems and instead look to solutions.

We have the power to choose

When you go looking for problems you will find problems. Like attracts like. That’s the Law of Attraction in action – whether or not you believe in it.

Ever notice how, if you focus on and give your attention to a problem, inevitably you find another. Then, lo and behold, yet another crops up? And before you know it there are problems everywhere?

That is the Law of Attraction at work in its rawest, unchallenged form.

Yet the truth is – we have a choice. We can allow our programming to draw us down the primrose path of problems – or instead choose a different path. Maybe the serendipitous street of solutions or another solution-oriented approach.

No matter what you may be dealing with, experiencing, or contending with – there are ALWAYS solutions to be found. So long as you are living you can find something to choose as a solution to any given situation.

Granted, there are times when all solutions you see are less-than-desirable. The lesser of two evils, choices between bad and worse, and so on. But you have a choice. And so long as you are drawing breath, few choices are permanent nor unchangeable.

Whatever you might have going on – you have choices. You can choose to look at problems or choose to look at solutions. Because of the nature of our culture, the former is easy, while the latter takes much more effort.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t do it.

How do we change our perspective?

The answer will shock you! No, it won’t – it’s mindfulness.

Practicing mindfulness involves being in the present moment. Then, in this moment, be consciously aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

This is not hard to do. It involves direct questions of yourself like,

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What do I intend with any action I am taking?

All those questions – especially when asked aloud – make you consciously aware in the here-and-now. And that is practicing mindfulness.

When you are aware of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you can direct if you are looking for/at problems or for/at solutions.

How do you tell the difference?

Often, it simply comes down to approach. For example, I can look at my bank account and focus on the problem of the amount in it being too low. That, in turn, leads to looking at the problem of insufficient book sales, which leads to the problem of creating effective marketing, which leads further down the primrose path of problems rabbit hole.

Or, instead, I can look at my bank account and focus on seeing the low number as a call to action for new solutions. That can lead to the solution of working to improve my writing, which can lead to the solution of doing a different marketing approach, the solution of finding a good additional income source – and on and on.

Looking at the problem is all about lack, scarcity, and negativity. On the other hand, looking at the solution is all about potential, abundance, and positivity.

What, how, why, and where of any approach we take can be a choice. Especially when we practice mindfulness rather than allow our problem-inundated subconscious to do the driving.

Photo by Pim Chu on UnsplashThere are always solutions

Despite seeming elusive sometimes, there are ALWAYS solutions.

They might be hiding behind the façade of a problem – but they are there. We can choose to look for them or look for problems. That’s up to you and me.

I know that my tendency – based on old conditioning – is to look at problems. And then, shocker, I find more problems to look at.

But being mindful of this, I am going to put more effort into choosing to look for solutions instead. I will ask myself about my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions more frequently and be more deliberate in seeking solutions – rather than exploring problems.

This will require focus and intent on my part. But I believe that seeking solutions instead of looking at problems is a better and more productive approach.

It’s up to me to break past my cultural conditioning to seek more solutions rather than see more problems.

Problems or solutions – the choice for what we see is up to you and me.

Finding and/or creating solutions isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of our thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Knowing that you control your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – you can choose to focus on problems – or – instead turn your thoughts to solutions. When you seek to find and/or create solutions, you work with abundance and positivity rather than lack and negativity, and that ultimately empowers you.

When you are empowered, your mindfulness increases, you become more aware overall, and that gets reflected and spreads to other people. This creates a feedback loop of awareness and positivity – a feedback loop everyone can take part in.

Then, together, we build more positive feelings and discover further reasons to feel positivity and gratitude. That becomes the impetus to improve numerous aspects of our lives for the better, help overcome the overwhelming negativity of any current situation, and generate yet more positivity and gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is an attitude of pure positivity. That positivity can generate even greater positive energies – and that is ultimately empowering for all.

Everyone is worthy and deserving of all the good we desire. 

This is the three-hundred and ninety-eighth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all of my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

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The post You Can Choose to See Problems or See Solutions appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Am I Lying to Myself?

I don’t think so – but it’s possible I am lying to myself.

Photo by Anton Maksimov juvnsky on Unsplash

The only person who can truly know me, in-depth, is me.

This is because there is nobody but me here inside of my head, heart, and soul.

No matter how much I connect with anyone else – in any way, shape, or form – I’m still the only one in here. The only person capable of getting at my motivations, recognizing my beliefs, values, and habits is me.

I know that to some people that seems awful lonely. But as I have worked to reconcile this over the years, I’ve gained massive insight into myself. I know myself better now than I ever have before.

How? By studying my subconscious, becoming more familiar and communicative with my conscious awareness, and using outside resources to learn more about how the subconscious and consciousness connect.

Yet despite this ongoing work – I still wonder. Am I lying to myself? Am I truly pursuing what I desire or just going through the motions?

Why am I questioning this?

For the past year-plus, I have been wholly focused on the pursuit of my writing.

To do this, I altered my approach and focus. Rather than just sit down and bang out the words when I had a half-formed or vague notion – I worked on planning. I did world-building. In time, I found myself laying out a book chapter-by-chapter. Before long, I had a new 4 book series plotted out.

So, I started writing. Before long the 4 books were complete. Thus, I went through the motions – and started the process of getting them edited, having covers created, and publishing.

Additionally, I finished writing the fourth book of my other sci-fi series and went through the edit-cover creation-publish process.

As of this September, I’ve published 4 books in 2 sci-fi series throughout 2021. One more book for each series will be released before the end of November.

Admittedly, the planned series books hover around 50,000 words each. But I’ve completed and published all these books.

It sure as hell looks like I am what and who I believe myself to be.

So how come I still feel like an imposter?

The easy answer lies in expectation. Specifically, expectation I both am aware of and presume on the part of others.

Namely, expectations of greater brand recognition and related sales.

Of course, it all comes down to money.

It is virtually impossible to look at this and not scratch my head, even without the outside influences. Despite the ease of self-publishing, hiring and paying an editor and cover artist output money. So does advertising and other promotional work.

For the most part – more money has gone out than is coming in.

Does that make the perceptions/expectations – spoken and unspoken – of others more valid than my own?

That’s the question.

Am I lying to myself?

It’s very hard not to ponder these thoughts:

If I was truly a good writer, shouldn’t my books be selling better?Am I less skilled than I think I am?Are the expectations others have of me valid?Have I truly got what it takes to do this?Am I just lazy and avoiding getting a “real” job?Ultimately – am I lying to myself?

Asking every single one of these questions is like getting a papercut, then pouring lemon juice on it. It stings. And it hurts. That, in turn, feels bad.

I begin to feel negative, and before I know it, I am on a downward spiral questioning everything I think I know about my existence.

I KNOW, through my own life experience and reading the thoughts and experiences of many others – that I am in pursuit of what Paulo Coelho calls my “personal legend.”

What’s that? My reason for being. The thing I am on this Earth to do.

When I start to ponder the above thoughts – and others like them – there are a couple of truths I need to remind myself of:

Only I can truly, completely, wholly know myself – consciously and subconsciously.I don’t know the way – but others before me have taken it. Thus, I can find it, too.Just because I don’t know how doesn’t mean I can’t learn it.Resistance to leaving comfort zones from within and without is normal.

When I pause, close my eyes, breathe, and really think about who I am and what I desire – I’m doing what I desire to do, now.

I think, when all is said and done, I feel as though I might be lying to myself because I am not being sufficiently mindful.

Photo by Dingzeyu Li on UnsplashMindfulness prevents lying to myself

A book I am reading opened me up to an aspect of mindfulness I’ve not previously explored.

The ego.

I have written many times about getting in touch with my inner being and inner sense of self. While I’ve called that my conscious self – which it is – there is more.

The subconscious self is where habits, beliefs, and values are. They tend to be deeply rooted, and not always readily apparent. To get at them requires using the conscious mind.

But the conscious and subconscious minds coexist in the nebulous place between them. Namely – the ego. THAT is the sense of self that exists whether we are consciously aware or not.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness, here and now. The tools to be consciously aware of yourself include sensory input from your six senses, as well as your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Mindfulness is how we can be consciously aware. That not only gives us access to our subconscious – but to our ego and overall sense of being.

To get ahold of thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions here and now, all I need to do is ask myself direct questions like:

What am I thinking?What am I feeling?How am I feeling?What am I doing?What is my intent?

Stopping to ask these questions, here and now, makes me mindful. That’s because I must dig into my subconscious to answer them.

Unless I choose not to answer them honestly – I can’t lie to myself. Unless I am actively lying to myself – mindfulness tells me I’m not.

My current path is not built on lies to myself or anyone else. It’s just a challenging path. And I alone decide if the challenge is worth it – or not.

Am I lying to myself?

No. Via mindfulness, I know I’m not.

Are you lying to yourself about anything?

This is the five-hundred and eighth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are ideas for – and my personal experiences with – mindfulness and walking along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world along the way. Additionally, I desire to empower myself and my readers with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-blog and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. My additional writing, both fiction and non-fiction, are available here.

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The post Am I Lying to Myself? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.