M.J. Blehart's Blog, page 40

If Yesterday Sucked Will Today Likely Suck Too?

I get to decide if today will be like yesterday – or not.

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

Every single day I get to make new choices.

I’m not talking about what to eat, what to wear, or those types of choices. I’m talking about how to think, feel, and act.

Every. Single. Day. But that doesn’t mean I consciously, actively make choices. Often, I just go with the flow, follow my routines, and let shit happen as it will.

That’s also a choice. Albeit an inactive choice.

No two days are alike. Similar, to be sure. Alike? No. They will have differences because change is the one and only constant in the Universe.

Today might be the same temperature, air pressure, and weather that we had yesterday, But sunrise and sunset will be different – albeit slightly. And the rest of what occupies our waking hours might be extremely similar – but there will be nuanced variances.

This is why if yesterday sucked, today might suck too. Or not. That’s a choice we get to decide on.

Or not.

This always comes down to conscious awareness – mindfulness.

There are ALWAYS choices

Even when it feels like you don’t have any control or choices in a given matter – you do.

You decide who, what, where, when, how, and why you are. Or not.

Often it feels quite a bit easier to move about subconsciously, go by rote and routine, and choose to just let life happen as it will.

That’s not to say that sometimes this is the way to do things. But if you allow that to be your default all too often, you will likely become discontent. And you will feel like you are increasingly losing control.

That’s what I have experienced. The more I’ve just gone with the flow and let my subconscious do the driving, the more I feel like I’m not in charge of my life experience. And that’s because if I allow my subconscious to do the driving – I’m not in charge of my life experience.

Why does this matter? I don’t know about you – but I would very much like to choose how I experience my life most of the time.

If we’re lucky, we get 80-100 years or so in these meat popsicles to experience life. There are lots of things to learn and know. Various sensations, relationships, environments, experiences, and unknowns galore.

Some people get scared by this notion – and there are lots of ways in which various figures throughout our lives use fear as a means to control us. That’s not to say that sometimes fear keeps us safe. But all too often, fear gets weaponized to keep us limited and small, but not truly safe.

Each of us gets to choose how that will impact our lives. Thus, if yesterday sucked we get to choose if today will suck, too.

Yesterday or today – now is the only time that’s real

It is very, very easy to lose sight of this truth.

The only time that is truly real is now. This moment. The past has come and gone – and we learned from it or not. The future, on the other hand, is unwritten – and uncertain, open to influence from both within and without.

Why do I keep harping on this idea? Because a lot of the subconscious matters that drive us are connected to the past and future. We seek to either use the path for growth and change in the future or to return to a time that is colored by our personal biases and prejudices.

Conversely, we’re always looking ahead to a future time when everything aligns perfectly – and we get what we’ve always desired.

The problem is that unless we are in the now – we cede control over directing the future. If we focus on the past and the future, the now tends to slip by unnoticed and uncontrolled.

Do you know what happens then? You probably find yourself anxious or depressed, uncertain, and more than likely unsatisfied.

I know this feeling. I’ve been working on and with this for years now.

Just to add insult to injury – if yesterday sucked, it’s all too easy for today to suck, too. We get caught up in a mindset of self-preservation and defense – and coming off of a bad day into a new day it’s too easy to rehash what has come and gone.

So, what can we do, if yesterday sucked, to make sure that today doesn’t suck, too?

Photo by Akbar Tarkati on UnsplashPause, reflect, be here now

Yesterday, for me, didn’t suck. But neither was it a grand and glorious, nor terribly interesting day. It was a perfectly neutral, largely unexciting day.

And it has come and gone. Today is a new day.

I started with my usual routine. I got up, did my reading, and then sat down here at my keyboard to prep my blog for publishing. However – I hadn’t written it yet.

So, I decided to go ahead and alter my routine a bit. I played a game, took a shower, and then came back to the keyboard and the blank screen. I paused, reflected, and considered where I am here and now.

What have I got to do today?

There are a bunch of things I need to do. Work has several demands of my time. There are obligations to be met. And I get to decide if I go into autopilot and let the rote and routine carry me along – or be consciously aware and choose how to approach my day – mindful of where, what, how, why, and all that I am.

By pausing to reflect on where I am, here and now, I open myself to conscious awareness. Yes, this applies to my literal environment. But more importantly – it applies to my inner being. I get to be consciously aware of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions via mindfulness.

Thus – I get to choose if I am going to let today just occur on autopilot and potentially suck – or take the wheel and do what I can to make it a good and positive experience.

And so – in answer to my question – if yesterday sucked will today likely suck too? Yes – if you let it. But you and I can make choices and decisions to neutralize it – if not outright turn it around to positivity.

Here is a question worth your time to answer. What would you like today to look like?

Choosing for today not to suck isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

When we release what has come and gone – be it yesterday, last week, years ago, or what-have-you – and also not put all our focus and attention on the unwritten, always in motion future – we can work on being consciously aware and mindful in the here and now.

Then, when we work to be more present, in the now, we get to choose if today will suck, be neutral, good, or even amazing. When we choose how to approach the day, we give ourselves permission to assume control over our life experiences. That empowers me – and it can empower you, too. And we can use this to choose things leaning towards the positive end of life’s extremes.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.

Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and twenty-second entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post If Yesterday Sucked Will Today Likely Suck Too? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Do You Recognize and Acknowledge Self-Sabotage When You See It?

Self-sabotage is currently staring me in the face.

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

There is nobody better at getting in my way than me.

I have an incredible talent for tripping myself along any given path I choose. Somehow, I manage to find a way to self-sabotage. Then, I wonder what happened and how I can stop it from happening again.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve gotten better at recognizing it when it creeps up on me. Like a Dungeons and Dragons Rogue with a high sneak-attack bonus, self-sabotage manifests from the ethers and takes the shot.

This time, though, self-sabotage rolled poorly. Its stealth failed, and I saw it coming for me.

Yes, I am personifying an intangible matter. But in doing so, I am making it tangible. With this personification, I can see it and better work with it.

Allow me to clarify. First, let’s answer this question –

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is a subconscious action or inaction that runs counter to your goals. It’s a thing you do or don’t do to interfere with something that you’re striving for.

For example, I’ve set a goal to get my weight below 200lbs in 6 months when I turn 50. I set this goal on my 49th birthday. Halfway through the year, I have plateaued.

But that’s not the self-sabotage. The self-sabotage is how often I make excuses to enjoy foods I know are counter to my goal. Chocolate, bread, pasta, and the like – all of which are comfort foods for me – in moderation are one matter. I’ve allowed excuses to open the way to make poor choices, relax my discipline, and self-sabotage my goal as such.

Why? Because there is comfort in familiarity. And familiarity breeds contempt. That contempt gets applied to the unfamiliar – the uncertain result of achieving the goal. That departure from the comfort zone triggers subconscious beliefs, values, and habits. And before you know it – you’ve scuttled the ship and are now floating on a life-raft awaiting rescue.

But nobody can rescue me but myself. And that’s the other reality of self-sabotage. It’s entirely about and on the self.

How did I recognize I am beginning to self-sabotage?

During my recent adventure at Farpoint con, stepping out of my comfort zone made me uncomfortable. No surprise there. However, it opened my eyes to other matters that have previously played into my self-sabotages.

Many, many, many outside factors are impacting my thoughts and feelings. Ongoing pandemic issues, Putin’s attack on Ukraine, certain American politicians almost openly showing their support of Putin and not getting arrested for treason, and other crazy happenings. All of these, if I give them too much attention, are depressing and upsetting me.

However, in recognizing this, another underlying issue became more apparent. I’ve been allowing thoughts of lack, scarcity, and like negatives to dominate my present life experience.

That, in turn, has made me uncertain and to start questioning the validity of my choices. This was a stark reality that came to me at the con. I’m a self-published author with limited sales, no agent, no representation – save what I do or don’t do. This is crazy – who in the hell do I think I am to pursue this?

This led to more unpleasant and negative thoughts and feelings. But then, I paused and reflected.

I AM an author. I’ve published 9 books in 2 years. My catalog has been growing, and my stories are good. I’m always learning new things. This is what brings me joy – so why shouldn’t I do it?

Negative self-talk such as the above is like a self-sabotage alarm klaxon. And it’s easy to ignore it for background noise. This time, however, I see it for what it is.

This opened me to the recognition of the aforementioned plateau in my health journey. Outright evidence of self-sabotaging behavior.

I recognize it. I’m acknowledging it. What do I do about it?

Photo by Naassom Azevedo on UnsplashFocus on mindfulness

Self-sabotage is a subconscious action or inaction. Often, it’s stirred by doubtful self-talk, long-held beliefs, and values coupled with fears of departing the familiarity of a comfort zone.

I know what life looks like now as an overweight self-published author satisfied at being published but lacking a sustainable ROI. There is comfort in that. I have no idea what it will be like to be healthier, in better physical shape, and earn my living via my writing. That’s uncomfortable.

My ego – tapping my subconscious – wants to keep me where I am. Who I project myself to be to the world – the dreamer almost-but-not-yet-there author who’s heavyset but still super-capable despite that – is projected both within and without. It’s safe, familiar, and I know it well.

Recognizing this – and the acts of self-sabotage I’m performing – is empowering. Why? Because knowing is half the battle, and conscious awareness provides my arsenal.

This is where mindfulness comes into play. By being consciously aware of my subconscious beliefs, values, and habits – as well as my ego – I can make new choices. Mindfulness lets me take direct control over my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

That control is how I can stop and reverse the actions and inactions of self-sabotage.

Thoughts and feelings go into all actions and intentions. By working to be consciously aware – mindful – of this, I can better control my actions and intentions. In that way, I can stop and overcome self-sabotage.

What actions do I take now?

In my present situation, I know there are several things I can do to stop and reverse self-sabotage. They include,

Don’t go down the bad-news rabbit hole. Know what’s happening – but remember that I can do very little about it.Stop and think before I eat. Yes, chocolate, pizza, and sandwiches are comforting – but I can choose better, and I know it.Make the time to journal and meditate. Forgive myself on days I don’t.Spend time checking in with myself to turn around thoughts of lack and scarcity. When they come up – acknowledge and then counter them.Make time to do the second walk or get on the stationary bike daily.Put effort into writing fiction every day. Forgive myself on days I don’t.

More generally, I need to actively be mindful. Pause, reflect, recognize, and acknowledge what I am thinking, what and how I am feeling, the actions I do and don’t take, and the intentions behind them.

Another aspect of self-sabotage is making excuses to not practice active mindfulness.

I know self-sabotage when I see it. Now, I alone can turn it around. I’ve done it before – I have consciously created my reality more than once. It can be done again. Maybe an accountability partner or seeing a therapist should be considered to help.

Now I know. What I do from here – or not – will decide if I push through and maybe succeed – or – self-sabotage and definitely fail. The former is preferable to the latter.

Do you recognize and acknowledge self-sabotage when you see it?

This is the five-hundred and thirty-second exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Do You Recognize and Acknowledge Self-Sabotage When You See It? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What Does the Saying “There’s No Time Like the Present” Truly Mean?

“There’s no time like the present” is a genuine, empowering understanding of the reality of time.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Proverb, adage, whatever you call it – you’ve likely heard or read the phrase “there’s no time like the present” at some point. It may seem trite – but it’s quite powerful.

Because of the complexities of human thought, we can get lost in ruminations of the past and plotting notions for the future. In truth, we can get so caught up in past or future thinking that we don’t bother to be in the now at all.

That might seem ludicrous, but think about – how many times have you found yourself mulling over something you did or experienced in the past? Have you ever staid your hand from taking an action because of fears of repeating a bad past experience?

Now turn that the other way – how many times have you gotten so focused on future outcomes that you had to fight anxiety over them? Have you ever hesitated or been indecisive because you were focused on consequences that might or might not occur?

Have you ever experienced depression because of past matters and anxiety over potential futures? I think Lau Tzu best explains that with,

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

This quote, I believe, really expresses why the present is so important.

But what does this have to do with the phrase “there’s no time like the present”?

The present is the only time in our control

There are two important truths that can be a bitter pill to swallow for some people.

The past has passed. You cannot undo, redo, alter, or change the past. Period. It has come and gone – and that’s that. The future is unwritten . The future is ahead of you and will be impacted by the unexpected. No matter what you intend – the future isn’t a done deal and the uncertain can and will occur.

There is no getting around this. Time machines don’t exist to let you go back and redo/undo or otherwise alter the past (and, frankly, I think if they did exist, changing the past would create a whole alternative timeline – but I digress). Conversely – you can’t jump ahead with absolute certainty to the future because it’s unwritten. And what you think you desire from it is also changeable.

As Yoda said,

“Always in motion is the future.”

The future is not in our control because lots of factors will impact it. I was working a good part-time job with some very cool plans for the future that I was thrilled to be part of. Then COVID hit. Within a couple of months, the company was sold, and the job and future plans were gone.

I can’t change that. Nor can I change how the sale of that business went utterly sideways (which is not my story to tell). But as you can see – the past and the future are uncontrollable.

The present – the now – that’s in our control. However – that control is both very limited and full of potential and possibilities.

What do I control?

Myself. All I can control is that which is directly in my head, heart, and soul.

You are in the same situation. All that you can control is your head, heart, and soul.

As such, you are capable of controlling your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. This can be done by mindfulness – conscious awareness – in the present. Right here, right now.

You cannot control anyone or anything else. I can’t make people buy my books, nor can I make anyone who does buy them review them on Amazon and Goodreads. All I can do is write and publish my books.

Beyond people, there are numerous factors we have zero control over. We can’t do anything about the weather, other drivers on the road, the stock market, or elected officials from states or countries we don’t live in.

While it might seem like there are far more things we can’t and don’t control than we can – what we can and do control is incredibly powerful. If we use it to our advantage.

I can choose anything and everything related directly to who, what, where, how, and why I am. Ultimately I decide what my life is going to look like.

It’s important to recognize that there are often complications in this. Obligations, necessities, and circumstances will make some choices and decisions harder than others. Factors very outside of our control – such as what nation we live in and degrees of recognized or unrecognized privilege – will impact ease or complexity.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on UnsplashThis phrase is all about control

Even factoring all this in – “there is no time like the present” comes to mean that now, the present, this moment, is the only time that truly is. It’s the only time that we can take any control over our lives.

The past has come and gone. The future is unwritten. Right here and now, this moment, the present, is real. Here and now is when you can choose and decide who, what, where, how, and why you are.

The past can and will provide lessons that will inform present actions and intentions. The future can and will offer goals and directions to inform present actions and intentions. But you cannot act in the past nor for the future.

That is why, ultimately, there is “no time like the present.” It’s literal. The present is the only time that is wholly real – for you and me.

Most people desire at least some semblance of control over their life experience. To gain any control whatsoever, we need to accept two absolute truths.

We only have control over ourselvesThe present is the only time we can make any choices and decisions

To best work within the framework of these truths, we need to apply mindfulness.

Mindfulness – conscious awareness of our inner being – is all about the present. It’s how – here and now – we know what we are thinking, what and how we are feeling, actions we are taking, and the intentions behind them.

Finally – though it might seem like we’re super limited – we’re not. When you work with mindfulness and recognize the literal meaning of “there is no time like the present” – you gain clarity and empower yourself to choose more elements of your life experience.

Choosing to recognize the meaning of “there’s no time like the present” isn’t hard

It’s all about working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

When we stop chewing on the past or worrying about the future – and focus on the present – we gain true control of ourselves. That opens potential and possibilities to decide who, what, where, why, and how we desire to live.

When we choose to recognize that “no time like the present” gives us many options, we can use it to gain control of how we direct our life experiences. That empowers me – and it can empower you, too. And we can use this to choose things leaning towards the positive end of life’s extremes.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.

Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and twenty-first entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post What Does the Saying “There’s No Time Like the Present” Truly Mean? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Do I Learn Not to Take These Things Personally?

I’ve spent a lot of time working with the question of not taking things personally.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Do you know what one of the hardest lessons I’ve had in the past two years has been? Not taking some specific things personally.

Such as? How many reads my blog posts get and how many books I sell.

Both my blog posts and my books are products. They have been lovingly crafted by me and shared with the world.

When people don’t click on and read my posts on Medium – or buy my books – that’s not a reflection on who I am.

Except that it sure as hell feels like one.

It’s challenging to look at the sales numbers and read levels and not think, “Wow…I guess they don’t like me and what I have to say. Maybe I suck and that’s what they are trying to tell me but not reading posts of buying books? Am I unworthy and undeserving?”

The truth is – these things have nothing to do with me when all is said and done.

Why do we take things personally?

Short answer – because we are human beings.

Long answer – most people put themselves at least a little bit into the things we do. Sometimes a little and sometimes a lot. Rejection of product that we create can feel like a rejection of us.

So, you take it personally when someone says they are not a fan of your work. Or they ignore your work. Or they reject your work.

It sure as hell feels like they are not a fan of you as such.

Have you ever spent a great deal of time on a project? You put your heart and soul into it, and gave it your all? Maybe it was a school project. And then, someone judged it to be lacking? Perhaps it was missing a key piece of info. Or maybe it was simply not written in a style the person reading it was into?

I don’t know about you – but when that has happened to me, I felt like it wasn’t my project they criticized – it was me. Because I put my heart and soul into the work it felt like I WAS the work.

That is why we take things personally. Because we put pieces of ourselves into them – and though they are not us – and are disconnected from an outside perspective – from within, we are still one.

Some personal experience with this

I write sci-fi and fantasy novels. Right there, I cater to a niche audience. Anyone not into sci-fi and fantasy won’t be into my books.

Similarly – I blog about mindfulness, self-awareness, conscious reality creation, and the like. Again – niche audience. Some people will never be into the work I do.

All the work I create is a part of me. Even when it is posted to a blog or published as a book – the connection, to and for me, is still there.

To everyone else – they just ARE. Like any rock, tree, book, or other physical objects.

That disconnect is why I take it personally when my book sales are flat, and when I am not joining the $100+ a month earning club on Medium.com for my blogs. It feels like I am not being read or purchased.

But that’s simply not true.

Photo by Danie Franco on UnsplashHow do I learn to not take these things personally?

Short answer – I am not entirely sure and am working on it.

Long answer – this is an ongoing process, especially for an empath like me. Creating a disconnect between myself and my product is a challenge.

However, there are ways to build and reinforce the disconnect between myself and my product so that I don’t take it personally when sales or reads are lacking.

Compartmentalize it. I am not my books or blogs. Once I put them out there – I have released them to the wild. I can promote them – but they are now separate from me. Recognizing and acknowledging this is how I can compartmentalize it.Drop the mic. I wrote the blog or the book and put it out there. Yeah, I got it done – and lots of people never even get that far. Mic drop. This is not done in arrogance or haughtiness – it is a matter of stepping away and letting what I did just be.Send it off. Throw it a graduation party. Send it away with love and joy into the world and let it fly on its own.Move on. That’s done. Let’s start the next project! There is another blog to write, a book to write and edit, etc. And I love what I do.

Let me be honest – sometimes the above, separately or combined, helps. But not always. The initial, visceral reaction when I look at the sales numbers on Amazon or the read numbers on Medium is still deeply personal.

But after that initial, visceral reaction – I have a choice. Take the things personally and spin out – or – actively, mindfully work on not taking them personally.

Back to self-awareness and mindfulness

It is perfectly normal to take things personally that aren’t. Especially when you are selling a product that is a piece of yourself and rejection, lack of understanding, and criticism of the product feels like rejection, lack of understanding, and criticism of you.

Knowing this – you get to choose the impact going forward. Let it spin you out? Or release it and move on?

Self-awareness in this instance is recognizing and acknowledging taking these things personally. That puts you in mind to see it for what it is and work with it as such.

How? Mindfulness.

Being mindful of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions – here and now, in the present moment – is your superpower. That allows you to choose what you are thinking, how and what you are feeling, actions you can take and the intentions that are behind them.

When you know that you are taking these things personally – and that they are not personal – you can employ mindfulness. Then, via that employed mindfulness, you can compartmentalize it, drop the mic, send it off, and or move on to not take it personally anymore.

This will require action every time you encounter taking these things personally. It is never one and done. Partially, that’s due to our individual, ongoing, unique life experiences.

I’ve spent a lot of time working with the question of not taking things personally. With some self-awareness and mindfulness, I have tools that help. And these tools can totally work for you, too.

But to make the most of those tools, you need to ask this:

Do you recognize and acknowledge when you take things personally?

This is the five-hundred and thirty-first exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post How Do I Learn Not to Take These Things Personally? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

What If You say “F*@k It” and Release Something You’re Holding In?

Sometimes release is necessary to clear your mind, heart, and soul.

Photo by Reuben Rohard on Unsplash

I have a lot of things going on in my head right now that are negatively impacting my life. They are making me feel small, disempowered, irked, flustered, and other sometimes conflicting adjectives I could apply.

I strive to act regularly so that I don’t wind up holding back and holding things in. I learned a long time ago that holding stuff in leads to a lot of different unpleasantness. That makes me cranky, irritable, introspective, and negative.

For someone who seeks to be optimistic – and generally is – I have a wide pessimistic streak. I used to refer to myself as a cynical optimist (though really, it’s more skepticism than cynicism). It’s my desire to be optimistic – but I also see that the reality of the situation at hand sometimes makes that challenging.

I’ve used journaling, meditation, and other distractions to release things I hold in. That can be extremely helpful and positive.

But sometimes that’s not enough. Why? I think maybe because it feels like I am still partially holding it too close to myself. Sure, it gets out of my head – but did I really release it?

Maybe I need to find a new therapist? That’s possible. It’s been years since I was in therapy – and it always did me good.

I could talk to friends – but presently, all of them have a lot of shit going on in their own lives. Certainly, some would be willing to listen to me. Perhaps – but I presently don’t feel right about that.

So maybe I need to just put it out here in public.

F*@k it – Brain-dump incoming

Some of you reading this might see yourself in the following vague matters currently occupying my brain. That may – or may not – be true. But I am NOT blaming anyone for how I feel.

Let’s face it – feelings that we have are valid for us. And even when nobody did anything intent on hurting us – feeling hurt still happens. It is NOT invalid to feel how we feel.

BUT – we get to choose how long to feel that way. We have the power to change our feelings. And that is one of the best reasons to release something you’re holding in.

That written, here I go.

A certain member of my family I feel is always disappointed in me. No matter what I do – I am still not living up to my potential or meeting expectations. They offer soft support – but when it comes to, say, buying my books as soon as I publish them – it’s not automatic. And they don’t choose to hear me when I tell them what they don’t like to hear.

Someone I care deeply about, who is going through a ton of shit in their life – that I was super-close to for a while – has placed me out of their closest circle. I knew our relationship changed for numerous reasons – but I still care deeply. And I didn’t realize how far out I’d been shifted. And this realization hurt.

Another member of my family I simply don’t trust. They feel I did them wrong, I feel they did me wrong -and I expect them to do so again.

A friend I was super-close to faded away. They began to come back into my life – but they still feel distant. I have trust issues as such.

Digging deeper to release

All these matters, as far as I am concerned, are external. And that’s because all of them involve other people. Thus, elements of them are utterly, completely, and totally out of my control.

Part of why they impact me how they do is because of inner turmoil.

For example – I have chosen most of my life not to take the conventional paths. One form of the arts or other, including singing, acting, directing, and writing. The above-mentioned family member – though sometimes encouraging – has also made it clear that my lack of “acceptable” income-earning career choices disappoints them.

And that has caused me to second-guess many choices. Also, it has generated brain-weasels that chitter often and cause self-doubt.

Due to childhood fears of abandonment – I still fear abandonment. Less than I used to – but I still hold a deep-rooted sense that I am never good enough for anyone – so eventually they’ll leave.

Of course, realistically, I recognize that change is the only constant in the whole Universe. Thus, friendships come and go, people, places, and things shift – that’s life. It might feel like abandonment sometimes – but it’s not. Change just is.

Thus, I’ve been feeling needy, worthless, disconnected, flustered, and otherwise uncertain about multiple elements of my life.

Of course, I am also content with my jobs, love being able to write and edit my work, and am taking steps to create more opportunities to expand these things. I am deeply grateful that I have the opportunity and ability to live my life how I do.

Releasing what is pent up in my head, heart, and soul in this manner feels a bit like complaining – but I’m not. I’m acknowledging and stating what and how I feel. The purpose is to share and release it.

Photo by Reuben Rohard on UnsplashWhy share it?

I am sharing this because I’m pretty certain that I am not alone.

Everyone goes through shit from time to time. It might not look like my stuff – but that doesn’t mean it’s no less valid or impacting on your life experience.

You might have similar issues going on. Or vastly different matters gnawing away at your head, heart, and soul. Whatever the case might be – I am saying – F*@K IT – to release what I have been holding in. And I am choosing to do so in this public forum for three reasons.

This feels like more of a release than journaling or meditating on the issueI want to show people that they are not aloneI believe normalizing sharing these sorts of thoughts and feelings is good for our collective mental health

No, I won’t deny that this isn’t somewhat self-indulgent. But you know what? Everyone has instances of this nature with shit they’re dealing with. And when attempting to live with more joy and find positivity in my life – I acknowledge sometimes it comes with many challenges from both within and without.

You know what? It feels good to say f*@k it and release some internal struggles into the wild. Thank you for indulging me today.

Choosing to release inner turmoil isn’t hard

It begins by saying “f*@k it”- then working with mindfulness of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Everyone experiences inner turmoil they need to release from time to time. Choosing to not hold it in and let it out – vaguely and publicly or privately to a therapist or confidant – can be quite freeing. And that is tremendously positive because it helps you to not become derailed by those thoughts and feelings.

When we choose to release negativity, we open ourselves to being freer and less burdened. That allows us to better use mindfulness to balance our life experiences. Ultimately, this can empower me and it can empower you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.

Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and twentieth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post What If You say “F*@k It” and Release Something You’re Holding In? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

I’m Not Feeling at all Flustered and Stressed – You’re Stressed!

Yeah, that’s a lie. I’m feeling flustered and stressed. But what comes next is on me.

Photo by Elisa Ventur on Unsplash

Let’s talk about the great big elephant in the room. Feeling stressed.

Virtually everyone deals with stress from time to time. Deadlines, pressures to do things from within and without, expectations, and many other things can be stressors in our lives.

Even when you seek to carve your own path in life – it is not stress-free.

I don’t care who they are – nobody lives a completely stress-free life. Mostly stress-free, being less-stressed, and rare bouts with stressors I believe in. But stress-free? Not possible.

In many instances, we are told stress is good. And it can be. A little pressure can be the driving force for getting shit done. That pressure can be a kick-in-the-ass to make you move.

Whatever it looks like, good or bad – stress should not be ignored, denied, avoided, or otherwise dismissed. Because all of these do nothing but push stressors into the background – where they can be fed quietly and grow deep, deep roots.

Denying being stressed or displacing the stressors doesn’t address them. And if we don’t address the stress, we don’t work with, deal with, alleviate, or make use of it.

The first step is recognition and acknowledgment

It’s all too easy to pretend. I’m not feeling flustered and stressed – you’re flustered and stressed! Projection might seem funny – but the truth is that it is just as impotent as throwing around blame.

Like most things we experience in life – accountability is a key to working with them. Recognizing and acknowledging your life experiences – in the ways that they belong to you – is how you can work with them, alter them, change them, or whatnot.

If I don’t recognize or acknowledge what is stressing me out – I can’t work with it. That’s part of why it’s an elephant in the room – hard to ignore a giant like that right there in front of you.

It won’t go away if I turn away from it, close my eyes and pretend it’s not there. But if I recognize and acknowledge it – now I can lead it out of the damned room.

Displacing your stress, blaming others for it, and ignoring it leaves it right where it is – and doesn’t address it to get it out of there. Or work with beneficial elements of it that can help you choose your paths and work on directing life how you desire for it to go.

What is it I’m currently stressed over?

There are a couple of different things. And please note – I am NOT complaining here. Just recognizing and acknowledging what is stressing me.

My wife’s wellbeing. She’s having some pain issues that I can do nothing about – and I am stressed on her behalf. I’m doing all I can to help how I can – but my concern for her is stressful.The part-time jobs. I love my freelance gigs. While both have some set meetings and needful times, both tend to pop up with urgencies that I desire to do my best to work with. But that can be stressfulMy writing career. I am behind on where I desired to be with my latest fiction work. Part of that is time-management working with the aforementioned jobs.Family. I love my family – but for multiple reasons, some of them have me feeling stressed. It is unnecessary to get into the details here – but I must acknowledge it.

These are my current many stressors. And I feel flustered because for the most part – what I can do is limited. Can’t make my wife’s pain go away, I can’t make my family do anything, and I am doing what I can regarding my jobs and career.

The stressors above are part of the cause – but what about the effect?

Photo by Nubelson Fernandes on UnsplashRecognizing and acknowledging the cause AND the effect

Why does recognizing and acknowledging the above matter? Because of the ways that they are impacting my life.

How?

I am stress-eating. Food has always been a source of comfort. I get stressed – I make poor diet choices. Then that stresses me more – because I am not moving forward in my quest to get into better shape.Insufficient exercise. I went from walking at least twice a day to just getting on the exercise bike once a day and fencing once or twice a week. Winter could take some of the blame – but it’s really what I do and don’t choose.Not meditating. I know how good I feel after I meditate. Yet I am allowing my meditation practice to be disregarded for any number of reasons. It’s a good habit that had a net-positive impact I need to reclaim.I’m not journaling. Starting to journal daily has been cathartic. Like meditation, it’s not getting the attention it should.Insufficient fiction writing. This is the product of some less-than-stellar time management on my part. And it’s also a source of stress – as above. But writing fiction has always been a positive outlet – so getting back to it would be beneficial.

These are the elements of my life being impacted by me being flustered and stressed. If I didn’t recognize and acknowledge the cause and effect – I’d be allowing my self to be victimized by the stressors.

That, in turn, makes dealing with them unnecessarily complicated and difficult.

How do I deal with being flustered and stressed?

I know the cause and the effect. That knowledge tells me where I need to put focus.

To deal with this sense of being flustered and stressed, I need to be more mindful of how, what, where, and why I am in this moment. Here and now. And that is achieved via mindfulness.

Mindfulness is conscious awareness of my thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That tells me the what and how of everything. From there, I can choose from several options.

I can ignore it and allow the overwhelm to unsettle me.

I can fight it and work on distractions and things that alleviate the stressors.

Or I can work with it/on it, and consciously, actively work on the above-mentioned effects of feeling flustered and stressed.

Thus, I can choose to be mindful about when, how, and what I eat. It’s up to me to get off my ass and exercise more. I am working on making the time to journal and meditate – and connecting them together for habit-building. Finally – I am striving to do even a slight amount of fiction writing every day to build up the mental, habitual muscle memory.

I recognize and acknowledge that, presently, I’m feeling flustered and stressed. But what comes next is on me. Knowing this – really knowing this – empowers me to actively choose what to do and where to go.

Do you recognize and acknowledge when you are feeling flustered and stressed?

This is the five-hundred and thirtieth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post I’m Not Feeling at all Flustered and Stressed – You’re Stressed! appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Learning to Recognize and Embrace Knowing What You Don’t Know

Recognizing and acknowledging knowing what you don’t know is incredibly freeing.

Photo by Savannah Bennett on Unsplash

I love to learn.

One of the things that keeps me optimistic overall is that I know that there is always something new to be learned. More information to be found. New ideas to experience.

Yes, there are things that I could learn that have I zero interest in. There are things that I’m happy to have just passing knowledge of.

For most of my life, I have loved the sense of control I get from knowing something. Even if it’s limited, having knowledge feels empowering.

Not knowing something, not being in the know feels disempowering. Then, just to emphasize that, lots of messages we receive regularly are all about this. You don’t know? What’s wrong with you? How are you unaware of that?

This can be used and abused for good and bad. Depending on how it’s employed, the idea of not knowing is often used to control others and sway their opinions.

I used to fall into this trap a lot. And I would get frustrated by the things I didn’t know. But as I continue to learn – I’ve been repeatedly coming upon the same theme.

Knowing what you don’t know can be as powerful as what you do know.

How does this work?

As I wrote at the start, there is always something new to be learned. But in many instances, I don’t care to.

For example – I have zero interest in learning about how to code in Python, how to prepare lutefisk, how to speak or read ancient Assyrian, and other uncommon and common things. Yet I’m sure somebody among the almost 8 billion of us on this planet does want to learn some of these things.

And they are not even a fraction of a fraction of a super-small percentage of the number of things that we can learn.

For all the things I know, there are exponentially more things I don’t know. And even if I lived to be a hundred and started studying every single day of my life – I’d barely scratch the surface.

That’s the reality. Even topics I know well and a lot about – I have plenty more to learn.

I began writing fiction when I was 9. In the 40 years since I was that kid, I can’t even begin to tell you everything I have learned about the art since. And continue to learn all the time.

Not knowing something doesn’t disempower or lessen me. Not unless I allow it to.

Some people will make it seem like what they know is the end-all-be-all. They’re right, and you shouldn’t question them. In my experience – this is often the first sign that they are not so certain as they claim to be.

For all the things I do know, I recognize there are more things I don’t. And I have been working to be better about seeing how knowing what you don’t know opens you to more growth, potential, and possibilities.

What attitude you take towards knowing what you don’t know can say a lot about your willingness to work with change.

Why does it always come back to change?

Change is the one and only constant in the Universe. Like it or not – change is. And it ALWAYS happens. Sometimes so slowly and minutely that you don’t notice it until it’s already upon you. Other times, it’s sudden and abrupt. But mostly it happens at a speed somewhere between these two extremes. But change happens. Change is a universal constant.

Change will cause what you know to become incorrect. Because that’s how the Universe works.

When you embrace knowing what you don’t know as being more empowering rather than less – you make yourself more open, flexible, and adaptable.

This means change won’t throw you off or mess you up quite so easily and readily.

Photo by Lisa Yount on UnsplashKnowing what you don’t know is freeing

Why is knowing what you don’t know freeing? Because it makes you more open to learning.

That also makes you more flexible in your approach to life. That lets you be more open to growth, evolution, and making active choices to have some say in your life direction.

It took me a long time to see that clinging to what I know doesn’t make me stronger. It makes me weaker. Why? Because due to the inevitability of change, what I think I know shifts and becomes less known or unknown.

For example – when I learned how to type in the 1980s, I was taught that a double-space followed a period. That was what I knew – and it was how I typed everything for decades.

The technology changed. The way we type has changed. Thus, the double-space after a period is no longer necessary.

I’ve accepted this and changed how I type. It took me some time to shift my thinking – but I accepted the change and went with it.

But you cannot have my Oxford comma!

What I know covers a lot of different areas. And what I don’t know covers far, far more. That doesn’t in any way disempower, weaken, or lessen me. It just means there’s that much more room to grow, learn, and work with change.

Knowing what you don’t know is accountability and ownership of your life. It’s a mindfulness practice that can open you to more self-awareness and knowledge. That can ultimately empower you. It can also free you from getting stuck or disconnected from change due to the isolation of you knowing what you think you know – and jealously guarding that.

Keep an open mind

Zen master Shunryῡ Suzuki is the author of Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. This was my introduction to the practice of Zen and all matters related to it.

In his book, he wrote about how even a master is always a student. And that the beginner’s mind is more open to learning and growing than many expert minds are.

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”

This is why knowing what you don’t know is powerful. It might feel like it cedes power – but it doesn’t. The opposite is true. It opens and expands it. This further expands potential and possibility.

Mindfulness is a great way to be self-aware about what you do and don’t know. That allows you to be present in the now to make the most informed decisions you can with the information you have. And if you need more info – you can see that.

Recognizing and acknowledging knowing what you don’t know is incredibly freeing. It also helps you to better work with, positively experience, and handle any inevitable change you encounter.

Recognizing and embracing knowing what you don’t know isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Recognizing and acknowledging knowing what you don’t know opens you to learning, growing, and gathering new experiences – as well as being more comfortable with change. And that is tremendously positive because it helps you to not get stuck somewhere you’d prefer not to be.

When we choose to embrace that knowing what we don’t know is not a sign of weakness, we give ourselves more space to explore the world around us. We free ourselves to gather more information from more sources and work on directing our evolution. This can empower me and you.

Taking an approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.

Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and nineteenth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

Please visit here to explore all my published works – both fiction and non-fiction.

Please take a moment to sign up for my newsletter. Fill in the info and click the submit button to the right and receive a free eBook.

The post Learning to Recognize and Embrace Knowing What You Don’t Know appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

Are You Feeling Invisible? You’re Not Invisible and You’re Not Alone

Feeling invisible in a world with nearly 8 billion people is not weird or abnormal.

Photo by Vasily Koloda on Unsplash

The past couple of years has had an impact on everyone.

It varies from person to person – but nobody has been excluded. Directly or indirectly, the past couple of years has been like no others before them.

While that’s always the truth when it comes to the passage of time – the past 2 years have been overwhelming in all the ways they’ve been unexpected.

Did you expect a global pandemic to shut the world down for a month or two in 2020? After that, did you expect we’d still be altering everything we do because COVID hadn’t gone away two years later? Did you foresee essential workers, minimum wage workers, and teachers walking away after decades of abuse?

I didn’t.

Many of my friends spent a year working remotely. Several of them, then, had to return to offices – despite the pandemic not being over and proving the commute and office were unnecessary. Now they are extra-fatigued because as COVID surges come and go, offices close again for a week or two.

And don’t even get me started on schools and how much abuse teachers and the like are taking on one side – and parents are enduring on the other.

Everyone everywhere has been impacted by these things directly or indirectly. But it sure as hell can feel like you’re all alone and invisible – because how we are thinking and feeling is invisible to everyone but ourselves.

Mental and emotional health impacts everyone

Not everyone has a diagnosable mental health issue. But everyone can think and feel. And that will be impacted by outside matters.

Because our society tends to not give enough attention to mental, emotional, or spiritual health – to the same degree as physical health – there are tremendous stigmas attached to such matters. We don’t treat health concerns that aren’t physical with the same care and attention.

I can see when you have a bruise, a cut, or a broken limb. The bags beneath my eyes might tell you I’m getting insufficient sleep. Physical matters are visible.

Everything else is internal and invisible. And no scan – x-ray, MRI, or CAT scan – can turn the invisible visible.

Because of this, many people see mental health issues as purely personal and not impactful. So, if you are suffering from fatigue, exhaustion due to mental and emotional gymnastics navigating the uncertain world as it is today – it’s not obvious.

But you are not invisible. Nor are you alone.

And it’s time to stop pretending this doesn’t matter and really talk about it. Openly, loudly, and with a focus on making some necessary changes for the greater good.

No matter how personal – your issues are not invisible

I have been deeply fortunate during this time. And I know it. I’ve been able to take the chaos and uncertainty of the past 2 years and turn it into something good for me.

I wrote and published 6 books. Though the freelance job I had closed out during the height of the pandemic, I found 2 new freelance gigs that are great for me.

But there were lows among the highs. There was no fencing practice for 16 months. Something I have done weekly for over 25 years was gone. Apart from my pod, I’ve not seen many of my friends in over 2 years. Save a visit for 5 minutes at 20 feet distance, I haven’t seen my dad or stepmom in 2 years.

On top of that – I lost 6 people to COVID. While most were old friends or acquaintances I was barely connected to – their losses all hurt. Many of my friends and my niece got COVID and survived it – but that was still scary.

I consider myself rather mentally tough. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t days where I feel hopeless, frustrated, and scared. That’s why I don’t actively watch the news and have lessened my social media time. And – it’s still ongoing.

Lots of people I know have it far worse. They lost close friends and family to COVID. Many of my friends are working with their children being tossed around by school admins and governments who only care about the money and not lives. My teacher friends are all being stretched to their breaking points.

I know nobody who hasn’t felt impacted in some way or other by the world of the last 2 years. But since we talk little about mental and emotional health openly – many are feeling utterly invisible.

Photo by Celal Erdogdu on UnsplashLet’s make the invisible visible

This is my call to action. But the only way we can do it is to take action on our own part.

Nobody but me can make my invisible issues visible. That’s why I’ve frequently written about my struggles with depression, why I take an antidepressant, and I explore other mental, emotional, and spiritual health matters that come up on my life path.

It’s time we stop fearing what will happen when we talk about our invisible issues. Why? Because then they become more visible – and show us that we are truly not alone.

Yes, there will always be people who are perpetual victims. They are as far from invisible as can be. However, I suspect their visibility is hiding invisible issues.

How many loud, overconfident braggarts and narcissists are secretly insecure, uncertain, and terrified? From what I know about psychology – all of them.

Nobody has managed to avoid being impacted by the world at large these last two years. And one of the best things we can take away from all this uncertainty is the opportunity to gain some much-needed visibility for the invisible.

If you are feeling invisible, I assure you that you’re not. You are not invisible – and you are not alone.

Kindness and compassion

Everyone is alone inside our heads. Nobody but me can truly, fully know my thoughts and feelings, heart, and soul. No matter what I share – most are not visible.

This is true for everyone. And as such – everyone feels invisible from time to time.

As we work on more visibility for the invisible – we should practice more kindness and compassion. Neither kindness nor compassion costs anything. What’s more, I don’t know anybody who doesn’t prefer to be treated with kindness and compassion.

But it begins with kindness and compassion towards ourselves. Forgiving ourselves for thoughts and feelings that are deemed weak, insufficient, and otherwise negative. Unless you intentionally cause hurt or harm in the world – like making more money than you can spend in your lifetime but paying your employees minimum wage with no benefits – you are worthy of kindness and compassion. And that begins with kindness and compassion towards yourself.

Kindness and compassion go both ways. Giving is as powerful as getting. And as we recognize we’re not invisible – that is a kindness and full of compassion. And we are all worthy of giving that to ourselves first.

You are not invisible. I see you. You are not alone – I feel it, too. Together – we can work through this.

Can you see that you are not invisible even when you feel that way?

This is the five-hundred and twenty-ninth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

Please take a moment to subscribe to my mailing list. Fill in the info then click the sign-up button to the right and receive your free eBook. Thank you!

The post Are You Feeling Invisible? You’re Not Invisible and You’re Not Alone appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

You Can’t Please All of the People All of the Time – That’s a Positive

Recognizing who you can and can’t please is a highly freeing, positive act.

Photo by Catherine Heath on Unsplash

You may or may not be familiar with this quote attributed to both Abraham Lincoln and John Lydgate,

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.”

If you are a people pleaser – this is a bitter pill to swallow. But doing so is surprisingly freeing.

Like it or not – it is impossible to please everyone. And though this can be frustrating and infuriating – it’s actually a good thing.

Why? Because recognizing this truth helps us to better be our genuine selves.

What does being our genuine selves mean?

How many times have you done something because you thought it was what someone else expected? Or you did something to accommodate someone – even though it didn’t please you in the least, nor feel all that good to do?

That’s what being your genuine self is all about. It’s doing things – even for other people – from your true self.

Meaning? It comes from your values and beliefs. You’re doing the thing not to just please someone – but because it’s a thing you desire to do.

To be fair – there will always be things we need to do that don’t please us. For example, visiting the dentist, getting necessary but invasive health tests done, and the like.

In this instance, being your genuine self is saying no to toxic situations and people, doing only the necessary rather than sacrificing for some who won’t notice nor care about what you’re doing, and so on. It’s recognizing that you will please some of the people – but not all of the people – and accepting it.

Being your genuine self means that you’re not sacrificing your time, energy, or wellbeing just to please everyone.

Because when all is said and done – nobody cares.

The freedom from needing to please people when nobody cares

I don’t mean that nobody cares about you. Nor do I mean that people don’t appreciate things you do for them. They do, in both instances.

What I mean is that the thing you put on for show nobody cares about.

What do I mean? Let’s look at those people who must have the shiniest, newest toys. The biggest houses. The fanciest cars. Expensive jewelry. Whole industries make their living off the need for some people to have and show off such things.

Here’s the question – do you think more about that person because of their stuff? Do you care more about them? I can’t answer for you definitively – but I would hazard a guess that the answer is no.

You might find the shiny toy intriguing, the big house impressive, the fancy car and jewelry to be pretty. The person with these things? I suspect they aren’t getting quite so much of your thought. You don’t care more because they have those things.

Do they have those things to please you or me? No. Do they have them to please themselves? Yes and no. In some instances, I’m sure they take great pleasure in those things. But in others, all that matters to them is the impression they make.

Nobody cares if you have or don’t have things. Likewise – nobody cares if you please them or not.

There are certainly people worth giving lots of time and effort to. And you know who they are by how they make you feel, or how it feels to be with them. Those are the “some of the people” – rather than “all of the people” – you can please. And who likely cares.

Photo by mk. s on UnsplashThis is not a cynical viewpoint

I am not saying people suck – even if they do. Nor am I saying defaulting to doing good things for people – even strangers – is pointless or worthless.

What I am saying is that incessantly giving 110% of your vital energy away to please people – to please everyone – is a disservice to you. You can’t please them all. And that is okay.

It is not cynical to acknowledge our inability to please all of the people all of the time. It’s realistic is what it is.

No two people think alike. Likewise, no two people desire the same thing. Similar things, sure. But all of us are individual and unique. Thus, what is pleasing to me might not be to you.

That’s why all forms of sexuality are perfectly okay and should be normalized. We are all different and want/desire different things. Things that literally pleasure you might not pleasure everyone. And that is true of pretty much everything.

Knowing that you needn’t give until you lose your mind to please everyone is deeply freeing. And that, I think, is ultimately positive and empowering.

Please the few and yourself

The reason I believe recognizing and acknowledging this is both positive and empowering is that that allows you to alter your course.

Trying to please everyone will drive you mad. Because you can’t. Try though you might – not everyone can or will be pleased.

This isn’t a license to be an ass or treat people poorly, or without kindness and compassion. But what it does instead allows you to stop wasting time and effort that disempowers, exhausts, or otherwise harms you.

Seeing that you can’t please all the people all the time allows you to step back and say, “Sorry, I can’t,” “Not today,” “No, thank you,” or any other polite rejection. You empower yourself to work for your betterment and overall mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health.

Have you ever wanted to say no to someone or something, but were afraid of how they might react? Did saying yes to please them feel good or bad? In my experience – it has put me in awkward places and might have set a precedent for future situations I’d rather it hadn’t.

Conversely – did saying no feel bad, but you felt freed for doing so? That’s the point. It is positive and empowering to not try to please people against your own, genuine self.

Finally – know that you are worthy and deserving of being empowered. You don’t need to please all the people all the time to be a good person. Be kind, be compassionate – but don’t sacrifice your wellness and wellbeing along the way. Don’t be a good-natured doormat. That’s a disservice to all.

Working on not pleasing all the people all the time isn’t hard

It begins with mindfulness of thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions.

Recognizing and acknowledging that you can’t please all of the people all of the time empowers you to stop giving too much of yourself away. And that is tremendously positive because it better manages your time and mental/emotional health.

When we choose to be more selective in who we work to please – without sacrificing our wellness and wellbeing in the process – we free ourselves from trying to please people who won’t appreciate it, nor who truly matter in our lives. This potentially empowers me and you.

Taking this approach to positivity and negativity – from the vast space that exists between them – I believe potentially shifts the concept in a way to open more dialogue. In that form, we can explore and share where we are between those extremes and how that might impact us in the here and now.

Finally, I believe the better aware we are of ourselves in the now, the more we can do to choose and decide how our life experience will be. If that empowers us, it might open those around us to their own empowerment. And that is, to me, a worthwhile endeavor to explore and share.

Thank you for coming along on this ride with me.

This is the four hundred and eighteenth entry of my Positivity series. It is my hope these weekly messages might help spread positive energies for everyone. Feel free to share, re-blog, and spread the positivity.

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The post You Can’t Please All of the People All of the Time – That’s a Positive appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.

How Important is it for Me to Know Who and What NOT Be?

It’s just as important for me to know who and what not to be as who and what to be.

Photo by Intricate Explorer on Unsplash

Let’s just get this out of the way, shall we? Let’s quote some Hamlet from Shakespeare,

“To be or not to be – that is the question.”

The question as I am posing it today is more specific, direct, and less philosophical than Hamlet’s query.

I share what I do about mindfulness, conscious reality creation, positivity, and the other work I do for two reasons. One – it’s the work I am doing to be the best me that I can be. Two – it’s available to everyone and I desire to help others find and walk paths of their choosing.

I frequently make this statement: The only thing that’s certain in the whole Universe is change. You might disagree – and that’s your prerogative. However – I have a whole lot of evidence both literal and figurative to prove this.

Looking over my life, I have actively put in the effort to use mindfulness and other tools to make choices to be the best version of me that I can be. But there is an important fact that’s inescapable. I cannot undo, redo, or change who I was in the past.

Past me made and didn’t make numerous choices along the way. In addition – I did some things poorly, hurtfully, and in various other ways that I don’t exactly regret – but am not proud of.

Elements of who I was have impacted who I am and who I work to be and will become. But I am still choosing every day who and what to be and who and what NOT to be.

I’d like to explore the latter.

Who and what not to be for me

Some of the past me doings that I am less than fond of – and have worked hard over the years to move beyond – are still in me.

The truth is, I make choices about who and what to be and not to be. Some of that is tied to the elements of myself I know I’d prefer not to be – but are still in me.

What do I mean? Allow me to share a few of my less-than-desirable traits of the past.

I used to be much more of a braggart. Given the opportunity, I would loudly tell you all the amazing things I did and was doing. This was a quest for praise, recognition, and tied to my need to feel important.

Past me used to be way more indecisive. Choices? Decisions? I tended to avoid making those as much as I could. Or, when I did make them – they were as safe as possible. This tied into my insecurities, fears, and abandonment issues.

The least desirable trait of my past was some narcissistic tendencies.

Based on an article about things that terrify narcissists by Karen Nimmo, I have come to see this more clearly.

I felt empty and alone but didn’t let anyone in for fear of rejection. Any criticism cut me to the bone. I wore different masks in different situations. Overall, I felt mostly indifference towards everyone and everything, ran away before I might be left behind, did whatever I could to control the narrative, needed to be seen as better than average, and dealt with feelings of shame from the slightest triggers.

Because I recognize these – and have worked on my conscious choices and choosing paths – I see what is involved in staying away from who and what not to be for me.

Photo by Caleb Kastein on UnsplashI choose who I am every day

I think one reason that Donald Trump and other narcissists upset me as much as they do is that I can see myself in them. If I made a few different and more selfish choices and decisions regularly – I could easily be a narcissist, too.

But that is not who I am. Because every day I choose who and what to be or not to be.

I’ve worked hard to be cognizant of my fears, insecurities, imperfections, and issues. This is not so I can avoid them, ignore them, or deny them. I’ve chosen to recognize and acknowledge them so that I can work better to understand them.

That understanding lets me choose both who and what not to be and to be.

This is never a one-and-done matter. Because change is a constant – every day is different. Thus, every day I make new choices and decisions for who, what, where, how, and why I am.

I don’t get it right every day. There are plenty of times I’ve sought to do right and caused unintentional harm instead. There have been plenty of times I’ve been an excellent diplomat but just as many times I’ve been an ass.

How do I know I am making the right choices? Results, to some degree. How I feel. Sometimes it’s gut and instinct.

I might have it wrong. That happens. But because I actively strive to choose who and what to be – I think I recognize who and what not to be – for me – and work with that clarity.

For this to work requires applying practical mindfulness.

Practical mindfulness of who and what not to be

Practical mindfulness is not mindfulness to reach a goal. What is it? Practical mindfulness is mindfulness for the sake of conscious awareness in the here and now.

True conscious awareness involves recognition of what’s going on inside of yourself. Since you are the only one in your head, heart, and soul, you alone can employ this.

Mindfulness comes from your sensory input combined with your thoughts, feelings, actions, and intentions. That makes you consciously aware – here and now, in this present moment – of your mindset/headspace/psyche self.

That conscious awareness extends further inwards to your subconscious mind and your beliefs, values, and habits. Together, they help you recognize your ego – which is who, what, and how you believe yourself to be and then project to the world at large.

The key is that practical mindfulness is not one-and-done. It’s ongoing. Because it is utterly rooted in the moment. The now. And it only works at the time of its application.

By regularly using practice mindfulness, I know myself at the moment of its employment. And that empowers me to be or not to be who, what, etc.

My deepest desire is to do what I can to make this world a better place for me and everyone. That is not so I can self-aggrandize or be more important or powerful. I love to see people be empowered, inspired, and open to potential and possibilities. That’s utterly worthwhile to me.

That good feeling gets amplified when I lend a hand and help people in whatever way I can. Often experiencing that sense of satisfaction is my ultimate goal in life.

Hence, it’s just as important to me to know who and what not to be as who and what to be.

Do you know who and what not to be – for you – and your life experience?

This is the five-hundred and twenty-eighth exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – using mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to re-post and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out Amazon for my published fiction and nonfiction works.

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The post How Important is it for Me to Know Who and What NOT Be? appeared first on The Ramblings of the Titanium Don.