Evan Sanders's Blog, page 31

And I Wondered, “Does This Path Have Heart?”

This week, has been many things.

My heart has been challenged by a lesson that continues to pop up and one that I feel that I will probably be learning for the rest of my life.

My challenge has never been to love deeply. It has always been in letting go.

Letting go of people.

Letting go of things.

Letting go of moments.

My mind has been haunted by this at times. When I haven’t allowed myself to let go of something, the scenes play over and over in my mind and unravel constantly in full color. And it’s because of this I suffer. I suffer because I feel so deeply and going back and playing through everything like a movie only causes me to feel these things again and again.

It was my young heart, full of fire and persistence that was the exact same thing that created the pain.

As time has gone on, I’ve softened. I’ve learned the wisdom in the Ocean just as much as in the Mountain.

But this week tested me.

I found myself panicking at times. I found my heart clenching up and moving in fear. The anxiety makes my jaw clench and I restrict. When I get to that place, I deteriorate into a version of myself that doesn’t have access to the compassion and love I am capable of.

I play to “not lose.”

Instead of “playing to win.”

I realize that at times I am terrified of change.

But more than change, it’s loss. I don’t want to lose the moments I’ve had. I don’t want things to change because of how good they feel when they happen. But what I’ve come to start accepting is that they are already gone. They’ve passed. The good and the bad.

So I’m learning to let go. I’m learning to let go because if I do, I can actually show up here and live in the magic of what’s actually unfolding.

Truth is, I get pretty scared at times.

I worry that what I’m doing isn’t the way to go. I worry that I won’t find what my heart has been looking for in the world. I get worried about a lot of things. But all of that too will pass if I let it. All of it will fade if I don’t hold onto it.

This week humbled me. It rocked me to my core in a few ways. It reminded me of some of the lessons I still have yet to learn.

Despite the worries…I know I’m on a good path.

This path has heart.

-Evan Sanders

 

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One Step At A Time | 6 Years Later

6 years ago yesterday, I started a blog called The Better Man Project because I was a lost young man swimming in broken dreams and had no idea which way to go.

I began with these simple words, “The world needs better men. This blog is about my journey to become the person I’ve always wanted to be.”

Over the past 6 years, I’ve grown in ways that I could have never imagined, faced failures and challenges that have broken me down and yet encouraged me to come back to try again and again, faced the darkest moments of my life and stepped into achieving dreams, opened up my eyes to what’s possible when you bring yourself into touch with your pain, and have seen a community of people around the world find my work and start their own journeys as well.

It’s hard for me to accurately describe to you what this moment means to me.

As I’m heading back into the beginning of everything and breathing life back into each post, I’m learning again. I’m revisiting things that have happened in the past with a completely new perspective. I’m seeing things in new ways. But most importantly, I’m seeing how much I’ve grown since I began 6 years ago.

I think parts of me really didn’t want to do this because I remember how packed some of these periods of my life were with emotional pain.

But what I understand now is that I am in such a different place than I was then. I handle things differently. I’ve grown spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. I’m showing up in a completely different way of being than before. So while it can be difficult at times going back, it’s also a point of pride for me in knowing that this path has yielded me a great deal of growth and turned me, in many ways, into the man that I had dreamed of becoming when I started.

 

I would love for you to follow my journey on Instagram by clicking the picture above!

What makes my heart sing more than anything else, and I think this has been the biggest growth of all, is that I can treat myself with love and kindness. I beat myself up for a long long time for reasons that are far too many to list here. There was a lot of guilt. There was a lot of shame.

But as time went on, I learned how to start healing those wounds.

I started looking at my entire life as a tree.

If my roots weren’t being nourished and taken care of, everything else in my life would suffer. And that’s exactly what I was ignoring – everything underground.

I think in many ways we don’t view what’s in sight as important. Instead, we put up the mask that everyone can see and neglect taking care of everything that’s hiding under the surface. Problem with that is when you start neglecting the things that need to be taken care of, while they aren’t being seen by others directly, you start to yield fruit that is toxic for many different reasons.

But when you heal those places inside, everything begins to change.

Your attitude towards life changes. Your relationships, thoughts, emotions, body…it all shifts and morphs.

That’s what happened for me.

So as I step into these next chapters of my life, I’m also learning from the previous ones as well. I’m going back to discover deeper levels and layers of what I had started to learn before. I think that’s a worthy journey in of itself.

If I had to leave you with one thing, it’s to hold onto love and to let go of hate.

In learning to love yourself and love others deeply, your world will change.

Mine did.

So here’s to a lifetime left of a journey in finding the courage to go out with all engines burning.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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Courage, Dear Heart, Courage

Courage, dear heart, courage.

 

Find the courage to do this. Find the courage to dive as deep as you can and go back with the intention of learning and understanding. There are things there that you need to see again. There’s a story that needs to be retold.

Find forgiveness – you’ve been holding onto things for quite some time. Find passion – there are pieces of you that you have lost along the way. Find healing – there’s a calling that you know you’ve needed to answer for some time that you’ve finally had the courage to get in touch with even just now.

I know there are pieces of you that are scared to do this again. But you’ll be fine. You’ll enjoy the journey and the process of going through it all again.

Just don’t quit.

Don’t give up. Don’t quit on yourself. When you seem to hit a wall just continue on. That’s the way you’ve always done it in the past and it has served you over and over again. Don’t lose faith now because this is the most important time for you to shine.

You’ve gone through bouts with demons before.

You’ve stepped up and followed through on what was right.

So have courage dear heart, courage.

These are interesting times. They have presented challenges in many unique ways, driven me to making decisions about which way I wanted to go, and given me strength to make choices that I’ve been avoiding making. This one last mountain to climb, if I can climb it, will truly make me feel incredible. I will thrown another chain down off of me.

There’s a lot fighting that inside of me right now. The dark side is rearing up and I’m being challenged in all sorts of ways. But that’s part of the process. That’s how all of this works. You make a decision in the light and have to face the upheaval from deep within that has a few things to say about all of it.

It’s unhappy.

It wants to convince me that I don’t need to make this change.

But I know I do.

I know that I need to face this last wolf that has been following me around and quiet it down.

There’s no need for it anymore.

There’s no need to avoid it.

-Evan Sanders

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Bloom Beautiful Soul, Bloom.

Bloom brave soul, bloom.

Become everything that you were meant to be. Discover what you’ve never known. The winter has passed. It’s time to bloom.

I’m ready to begin.

On every path there’s that moment when you’ve packed up what you need and you’re ready to start all over again.

This journey for me resides within the mind and the soul. Even though I will be packing my bags literally in a month to travel the world again, the real journey starts from within.

I’ve found my way to the path again, the one that feels like I am working with the grain, and am ready to start.

There’s going to be a bloom like you’ve never seen.

I’ve had so many things pent up without the proper mechanism to really get them out there. I had to work through insecurities, fears, doubts, worries…and all of that helped me arrive to this moment where I know that I have a plan that’s going to work.

Of course, as time goes on, there are going to have to be shifts. But as it stands right now, I can see the way forward and I’m stepping through those branches out onto the edges of the stream.

It’s time for me to fish in new waters.

And while it’s going to be new, I’ve been dreaming about these waters for quite some time. It was the gift of having time to work this out that I really started to understand what my opportunity was.

Now, being here, there’s only forward to go.

There’s nothing left to figure out. Nothing left to ponder over. Just what’s right ahead of me.

I’ve been waiting for that moment for quite some time. That deep sense of anxiety pulling me in multiple directions has been hard to deal with. It has challenged me to keep thinking and to keep discovering what this path may be.

While I have been frustrated with it for a while now, I realize the benefit it gave me. The surface level ideas deteriorated and forced me to go deeper and deeper into the ideas. Things simplified. The bad ideas were cast out. The failed attempts happened frequently and what’s more interesting than anything else is that it all brought me right back to my core…

…writing.

See it was writing that brought me to all of this in the first place. Pouring my heart out and exposing where I was in life not only brought me awareness about who I was but it also allowed for other ideas to stem off of it.

Writing quotes.

Creating my book.

Writing longer snippets.

Starting to dabble in video.

Yet in all of the confusion of what to do next, I lost sight of the fact that if I went back to my core and started from there, I would find the next route. I would find the answer of how to turn my writing into video. I would discover what I would do as I would go traveling.

It begins here.

The blog.

The place where I get comfortable with life in all of its intricacies and continue to make the shifts that I knew I needed to make.

This is the place I need to be, and from this, everything else will bloom.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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With One Step, You Begin

One step.

That’s all it takes.

That single step may become the greatest step you’ll take in your entire life. I don’t believe that journey’s are necessarily planned for you ahead of time. Some may call that destiny or fate. I do believe that we have an ability to choose which path we go down and from there our lives begin to unfold.

I’ve traveled many paths in this young life of mine.

I’ve traveled into places I knew I shouldn’t go. I’ve made tragic errors and mistakes. I’ve lived in the darkness and then stumbled my way into the light. I’ve backtracked and relapsed.

And yet there’s one universal truth that continues to remain.

At any moment, you can choose a new way. It may not be easy. It may challenge you down to the foundation of who you are. But that’s your choice.

When we don’t make that choice, most of the time it’s because we are afraid of the potential or known consequences. We avoid the temporary pain but completely rid ourselves of the opportunity to become something greater in the future.

I’ve been in this place many times. I knew what I had to do and avoided making that decision because everything was “okay” in the present. But when you know that somethings going to create a good deal of conflict in you in the future, well, then it’s all as good as broken.

Avoiding doing what you know is right is actually something that causes heart-splitting suffering.

You’re going against what you know is right. The amount of internal and external pressure that will consume you until you make the decision is enormous. These moments where I have felt this type of pressure have burdened me more than I could ever express in words. And when you start to crack, the demons come out to play to finish the job off properly.

It doesn’t have to get to that point.

But you will have to step into the unknown and let go of the things that aren’t for you in this world.

The art of letting go and loving are very similar. In each, you do not yearn to possess and you allow life to unfold as it should.

One can teach you the other. In a world that’s ever changing and shifting, they are one of the same. It’s not about refusing to give yourself. It’s about understanding that the dynamics of a fluid world are that it is indeed fluid and subject to change at any moment.

That can be a tough pill to swallow as we come across the realization that there are things in this life that we cannot avoid. We will grow old and eventually die. We do not get to keep our things. All relationships will pass.

Undeniable realities.

But when you truly sit in this, and you get a sense for what ultimately fulfills you as a human being, it becomes apparent that the deeper aspects of life – learning to unconditionally love and give yourself – become even more important. While there seems to be a natural deterioration of all things that are physical in this world, it also becomes clear that the way you make other people feel and the love you give in this life seem to transcend both space and time.

That makes it all worth it.

Because there’s nothing like the feeling in your soul when you are living in your fullest…and that rarely comes along with you achieving gaining things. It seems to come along with life happening while you’re in your fullest expression of who you are as a human being.

All of this unfolding takes a single step.

One step.

That step can determine where you go from here. That step can lead you down a path of love or hate. In many respects, it’s not a completely “all or nothing” choice. If you don’t get too lost, you can change paths and head into different places. You can crawl through the brush and the thorns to get to a completely different path.

This all takes your choice.

What’s happening right now doesn’t necessarily mean that’s what is going to happen in the future. There’s always that fluidity to life if you give yourself the chance enough to be fluid within it.

You get to create that future.

That’s your choice.

The steps are yours to take.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

PS. Ready to start your own journey of personal discovery and growth?! Sign up for my FREE coaching newsletter today and receive daily wisdom, resources and perspective that will guide you on your path! Sign up here: http://eepurl.com/cnpva9

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As I Really Started To Figure This Out

There’s been this anxiety in me for quite some time.

A sense of deep internal turmoil. I was fighting with myself in many ways. Fighting to understand what I was really supposed to do with everything in front of me. The ego tore away at me constantly and paralyzed pieces of me from moving forward. The heart was whispering “go that way” for years and I just didn’t really take it at its word.

That battle can be brutal at times.

It drags you down into the pit. It takes the energy out of you. It causes you to doubt where you’re at and pulls you right out of appreciation for what’s here.

It’s hard to exactly pinpoint the conflict, but I knew there was a piece of me that wanted to refuse heading dealing into the forest in fear of it not being the correct forest to go into in the first place. Pretty interesting huh?

So you stand at the edge of the trees with half of you wanting to go explore and the other half being timid for all sorts of reasons. Truly, you are paralyzed in that period of time. For me, that has felt like it has lasted for longer than I can remember.

I’ve had to work through all sorts of things that have held me back.

Guilt. Anxiety. Fear.

I really could write a much longer list.

There’s an intense way that the past can continue to dig its fingers into you and make you think that just because something happened back then that it will probably happen again. Most likely? Probably not.

I’ve grown. I’ve grown so much since all of this began and have the opportunity to do something that could really impact the world. I know that this project has touched the lives of many, and I want to continue to do that. I want to do that in a grand way where my adventure into learning, diving deeper into myself and understanding what’s possible for myself also becomes the adventure of the content that gets put out here.

I’ve had a lot of questions about how to do this properly but I’ve come up with a content plan and general plan that I’m comfortable with.

I have the tools for it. I have the ambition to do it. I’ve learned a lot about dedication and what it really takes to make something successful.

It’s just time to go ahead and do that. It’s time to keep diving farther and farther in and discover just how far the rabbit hole goes.

So off we go again.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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Even As Your Heart Trembles

It took me my entire life to understand this.

There are moments that arrive at your door that will make your heart tremble and your entire body shake uncontrollably. You’re not falling to pieces in these moments. Your world isn’t ending. You’re breaking open.

These moments have arrived many times throughout my life. The surges of electric feeling running up my back and into the depths of my chest have rocked me to my core over and over again. I never understood the reason for the uncontrollable shaking until I had a teacher once explain to me that my body was taking on a different physical shape to hold that moment. I was becoming something else in those moments.

Darkness used to crawl in. Once the pain hit the lights of my life would dim. Everything would be turned down a few notches and I would disintegrate quickly. I’d hide. I’d run. I’d do anything but what I had to do in that moment.

And what was that?

Head straight into it.

Heading into those moments head on is one of the scariest things you can do. And at the same time, they will set you free. If you speak the truth directly from the heart, the words release the chains buried deep within your back. It still hurts. It tears away at you for a while. But you’re never stuck with the feeling of having wished you were brave and then couldn’t be that for yourself.

I’ve let myself down so many times.

I’ve choked on my words or cowered behind feelings I expressed that were far from the truth. And what was that truth most of the time? That I felt hurt. That I felt damaged. I just never knew how to say it. I never knew how to put myself out there and because I had absolutely no control over my emotions I usually would stuff it down to explode later or just go into meltdown in the moment.

A lot in my life has changed.

That came at the cost of plenty of mistakes. I’ve made more mistakes with people and with myself than I could possibly imagine. But I think because of that, I’ve actually come closer to loving people more. I’ve been there. I’ve made the mistakes. And as much as my ego doesn’t want to do it at times, my heart puts itself in other peoples shoes and sees the light and intricacies in things unfolding.

Life and the situations that bloom within it are far from black and white.

Things are complicated. People are complicated. It’s just all…pretty damn complicated at times.

The expected rarely happens and the unexpected shows its face more than I would ever really like to acknowledge. Things change so fast. One minute something is perfectly fine and the next you feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath you. That’s the great mystery of it all. You never really know what’s going to happen.

I guess that makes for an even bigger argument of being present and grateful for the moment that’s in front of you.

I’m watching many things from a distance.

Patience, above all else, has taught me many things. It’s helped me settle into letting go of a sense of timeline for something to happen when I intuitively feel that it will arrive. It has given me the clarity to see things more clearly (while still naturally blind to a lot that I don’t know) in a way that’s not run by my emotions completely. It’s given me a opportunity to be gentle with myself and know that all of this hasn’t been for nothing.

But above all, it’s taught me, and I truly do believe this, that good things are coming.

Everything passes. Of course I would love to hang onto the good as much as possible and that idea really helps when the bad stuff rolls around. But it all passes nonetheless. It all eventually recedes back out into the ocean. The good and the bad. As much as you hold onto it in whatever way, you have to eventually let it go for the moment that is here.

There’s beauty in the darker shades…those harder moments in life.

They are revealing in so many ways. As you tremble and as you shake, you understand down to your foundation who you really are. The hard moments teach you in ways that the times of happiness never really could show you. You’re not tested then. You’re not challenged to bring the best of who you are and what you stand for to the table.

 

It was in the early days of my writing that everything had come from that thick black darkness that I couldn’t exit out of. It was there that I did my deepest learning. I learned what mattered to me by those great things being absent in my life. Knowing hate in your heart makes you understand just how important love can be. Living in fear makes you want to step into a place of having great courage. Hiding from the world can open you up to showing your light.

It was in these places that I became who I am today. It wasn’t that things were nice and clean at the beginning. In fact, all of this started right after having spent a couple of years writing the darkest, most tragic, and brutal pieces in journals (which were later burned to a crisp).

I found myself and rebuilt it all from that place.

And yet those moments will always be a part of me. The darker side is as much of a part of me as the light. I just don’t decide to live there anymore.

That’s been the biggest change. 

At first, I couldn’t help but dwell in the caves because I was filled with so much negativity and there seemed to be no other option for me. But as I discovered more and more about myself and saw that there were different ways in going about life, I understood that I had that choice.

Light vs. dark.

It’s not that there won’t be dark moments or dark days…that’s a given. It’s that there are moments for you to bring light to this darkness. In those moments that your heart trembles, you can scurry back into protecting yourself and bring out the worst that your character has to offer, or you can fill that moment with light.

I choose light.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

(If you want to follow my journey on instagram, check it out here – https://www.instagram.com/thebettermanproject/)

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And If It Shall Arrive, I Will Meet It Gladly

These paths twist and turn at will. There’s no stopping them.

I’m exploring again. This time, not upon the surface levels that I can see but rather diving into the depths to places where I’ve never been before. I’m not looking for what I have discovered before. I’m looking for the things that have been buried deep for quite some time.

Yet when I say “looking” I am coming from a place of allowing. Maybe it’s opening? I’m getting in touch with the channels I have shut down and giving myself the chance to really be receptive to the things that need attention that I’ve neglected for so long (without even knowing it).

Meditation has brought me back to that place. Even in this morning’s practice something from almost 10 years ago came up, a deeply held resentment, and I actively worked with it to let it go. I asked myself, “Can I let this go?”

The wisdom inside answered yes and off I watched that splinter drift into the wind.

The mystery of it all is deepening.

The curiosity has come back.

I’ve realized that I have quite an opportunity that I’ve create for myself in taking this path of coaching. I’ve not only created a living for myself, but given myself the space and incentive to learn as much as I can. The calling for diving into the depths is there.

To a degree, I’ve been unsure of making this dive.

I had a lot of questions about it being the right way to go, if it would lead me to a place that was constructive, or if I was really destined to travel that path in the first place? After having read “Mastery” by Robert Greene, I discovered that this anxiety was a normal thing and that it was indicative that I was actually on the right path in the first place. But there’s that natural conversation that goes on in the mind that sinks into a bit of fear, doubt and worry. You don’t want to waste time.

I can now see that I’m not wasting time in the least.

Faith can be a difficult thing at times. It’s hard to hold onto an idea that there’s not much evidence for but the feeling of truth in your heart. The mind hates that. It hates not having a plan where it can point directly to exhibits A, B, and C as the reasons for doing something.

However, there’s so much growth in softening and understanding the subtle but powerful language of the soul.

My task isn’t to try a million things and see what happens. My task is to dive as deep as I can into understanding the human soul, what makes us tick, and just how much we are capable of. As I transform I will speak my truth…and that will give other people the permission to transform as well.

This has been the path I’ve been destined to travel all this time.

This is the one I have to answer to.

There’s no other calling.

It has been this for years.

Time to embrace that.

-Evan Sanders

P.S. I am taking on a few more people in my life coaching practice and setting up calls this week for 30 minute discovery sessions to see if we are a good fit in working together. If you’re interested, sign up here – http://eepurl.com/cmr5Y5

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Emerging From The Fog & Diving Into The Depths

This place I’m crawling out from…it’s not that easy to explain.

But I’ll try my best.

I feel like I’m emerging from this bank of fog that’s been clouding me and my path for such a long time. The fog was made of many things – fear, doubt, worry, anxiety – and they controlled me to a very large degree. I couldn’t decide fully because I wasn’t sure if what I was doing was the right thing in the end.

I could see the big picture, but there was this moment of paralysis that I faced because of not being entirely sure if it would land me at that big picture. 

So instead of going into it fully, I spent a lot of time tiptoeing around it all.

What changed?

For a long time, I’ve been wanting to read Robert Greene’s book “Mastery” because I had a feeling it would give me newfound perspective into what it really took to become great at something. To a degree, I understood many of the concepts already, but what I didn’t expect was how it took me far into this moment of clarity of what “I really wanted to become great at.”

I think that’s a question that has eluded me for some time.

“What do you really want to do.”

Without that pulling force at the end there wouldn’t be much room or possibility for creating a driving force at the beginning. So I would dabble into things and continue wondering to myself, “What do I really want?” for quite some time.

There’s been some serious self-reflection going on lately. After being sick for a week and a half, I already had come to many realizations about my life. But this book took me into a place in my mind that I’ve never really been before. It took me deeper into understanding what it actually takes to become a Master and the focused process you have to go through to really get there.

What I came to understand, in looking back at all of this, is that I never really went to the depths necessary to take on this process wholeheartedly.

In retrospect, I dabbled.

In fact, I dabbled in many things.

But now I know where to focus my energy. Now I know that I have to go as deep as I can into understanding the human soul in order to help as many people as I can transform their lives. Writing is an expression of this journey. Social media is an expression. The things I post are expressions.

But it starts with me and it starts with my understanding that I want to learn as much as I possible can about what’s possible for us as human beings and how that translates into our ultimate form of transformation.

There’s this phase called the apprenticeship phase, where the apprentice spends roughly 7-10 years of 3-5 hours of work a day practicing his/her craft. From this amount of time, roughly 10,000 hours, you cannot help but transform your mind into this creative machine in which the craft just pours out of you at will.

Then you go off into the next phase and truly explore your creativity.

I didn’t know any of this. I had no idea that the path I really had to head on – for the sake of mastering something – actually required this amount of focused dedication.

But now, at 27, I understand more than anything the journey that lays ahead.

I have emerged from the fog…and it’s time to dive as far as I can into the depths.

This is my path.

In fact, looking back, it has always been my path and I experienced what it’s like to lose my way and not even know why I felt lost.

So here’s to the journey.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

 

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Through The Fury

To hell with it.

To hell with dancing around this anymore. I’m going through. All the way through.

I’ve known for quite some time what needs to be done and yet I’ve stalled myself staring at the fury of it all.

It needs to be redone. It needs to be rebuilt.

Through. Yes, all the way through.

I woke up in some sort of mood this morning. Everything felt slow. Everything felt like it was dragging me into a place of wanting to quit. But somehow I managed to pull through. Somehow I dug in deep and found a way to push through the thick of it.

That lit a fire in me that has set me off throughout this entire morning with a renewed sense of purpose. I have to map out the path. I have to map out the plan. The last time I was thrown completely off course because I allowed myself to falter from what I knew I had to do every single day.

I’ve had to remind myself today of who I am, where I’ve come from and everything that has made me, me. At times I can lose sight of that. At times I can wander off deep into the woods and completely disconnect from everything that drives me forward.

In some ways this is a blessing. In other ways it can be quite difficult to make anything happen when you’ve kicked the chord out of the the wall by mistake.

Losing your way doesn’t take much. Finding your way back…well that’s an art form.

What I’ve found though when I get absolutely lost is that I have to head straight back to what made me successful in the first place. Then, and only then, can I start heading straight back onto the path again with a renewed sense of vision and vigor for everything that needs to take place.

::Pivot::

Fear constantly is wrapping its hands around the gates to my heart.

It moves like a thick oozing goo and makes pieces of me tremble. It causes me to change my plans, abandon them even, and yet it’s that very same heart that bring me back to recommitting to what I’ve promised myself.

I’ve made promises.

Many promises.

And I can’t let them go because something inside of me knows that great intention behind having made them as well as what that will create for myself in the future.

I can’t let myself down.

I really can’t.

I know that plans change and that not everything can be perfect. At the same time I know that there are some things in this world that really have to go unbroken. They must remain unbroken because they are promises of the soul. To break them would mean to break yourself.

The fury.

Marching through the storm. This madness that resides deep within me will stir for now. I just know that I am more than it.

-Evan Sanders, The Better Man Project

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