Himmilicious's Blog, page 4

बोझ

कभी यादों को बोझ होते देखा है?
उन पत्तियों सी झुक जाती हैं जिनमे ओस भरी हो,
सुबह सवेरे गिर जाती हैं जैसे रतजगी रोई हो,
पर सुबह भी कभी कोई रोता है?
अब हर कोई ना तुझसा है ना मुझसा,
माँ कमरे में आ जाए तो झूठे मुँह
आँख में ओस भर कर सोता है..

(माँ को पता ना चले, कई बार सिसकियाँ दबा कर भरी आँखों से सोने का नाटक किया है..)

अरेंज्ड भसूडी

डिस्क्लेमर: इस कहानी के सभी पात्र भैंस की आँख सच्चे हैं.. और सत्य घटना से इसका लेना देना है! पात्रों का मेरी ज़िंदगी से क्या लेना देना है ये कोई घंटा नहीं जानता।
तो बात कुछ ऐसे शुरू हुई की कल था शनिवार और हमारी छुट्टी।सुबह उठने का मन नहीं क्यूँकि पिछली रात टिंडर पर बातें करते करते ३ बज गए. (जज मत कीजिए जवान हूँ सिंगल हूँ और आयुर्वेद, होमियोपैथी और घरेलू उपचार के गुणगान गाने की उम्र नहीं है)हाँ जी, तो सुबह देर से उठी, दत्तो (हमारी कामवाली) को सख़्त हिदायत दी गयी थी झाड़ू पोछा लगाने के बाद पंखा चला के जाए और काली (हमारी कुतिया) को हिदायत थी की मेरे कान पर न भौंके, बाल्कनी में भौंके!ना काली मानी ना दत्तो! पतनहि ये औरतों में सुबह पंखा बंध करने की आदत कब जाएगी..रियलिटी ये है साहब ये सब "ऑ सो स्वीट" वाले कुत्ते सिर्फ़ फ़ेस्बुक विडीओज़ पे वाइरल होते हैं सच्चाई में ये कान के आगे भौंकते हैं, दिन भर खुजाते हैं और वोही खाना खाते हैं जो आपकी प्लेट में है।ख़ैर, हम उठे तो पता चला काली भौंक रही थी चुलबुली बुआ के आने पर।वैसे चुलबुली बुआ का असली नाम शाकंभरी देवी था, क्यूँ था यह नहीं पता। शादी-वादी में लोगों को सुना था उनको चुलबुली भाभी बुलाते हुए तो हम लोग भी चुलबुली बुआ कहने लगे।पहले तो माँ आँख दिखाती थी अब क्या दिखाएगी अब तो हम ख़ुद ना जाने कितने बच्चो की बुआ हो लिए। 
ख़ैर, तो सुबह हम उठे बुआ आयी हुई थी, हम बिखरेबालों में आँख मचलते हुए बड़ा सा कच्छा और टीशर्ट पहने चले गए उनके सामने ( अब कच्छे को बरमूडा बोलने से वो कच्छा नहीं रहेगा?)देखते ही बुआ ऐसे लिपटने लगी जैसे मैं चंदन और वो सांप.. "हाए मेरी ग़ुड्डो कितनी बड़ी हो गयी" हम भी मुस्कुरा कर उनको चिपटा लिए (बड़ी? बुआ मैं बड़ी नहीं चौकोर हो गयी हूँ.. जिमिकंद की तरह  यहाँ वहाँ और जाने कहाँ कहाँ से फैल गयी हूँ सच बोलो पाप चढ़ेगा) 
छूटते ही बुआ बोली "अरे कोई लड़का वड़का देखा कि नहीं?" फिर मेरी तरफ़ देख कर के बोली "ही ही ही आजकल तो बच्चे अपने आप देख लेते हैं" माँ बोली "तुम ही देखो कोई नज़र में हो तो शक्को" और बापू हानिकारक हमारे बोले "पढ़ रही है अभी तो नौकरी लग जाए पहले.." 
(एक ये गवर्न्मेंट पिताजियों के बारे में बात होती है की नौकरी मतलब सरकारी चाहे आप चपरासी क्यूँ ना हों, प्राइवट नौकरी में हम अच्छा कमा रहे हैं, नहीं! आपको काग़ज़ पर जेनरल मैनेजर लिख के दिया जाता है लेकिन काम आप फ़ोटोकापी का ही करते हैं)
ना ना करते हुए चाय के साथ जिम जैम का पूरा पैकेट चैट कर चुकी बुआ बोली "ग़ुड्डो कहाँ नौकरी कर रही हो" "नेओडा""ओह नॉएडा" दूर है बहुत.. नई? "हम्म""और बुआ कैसे आयी?"पापा की तरफ़ देखते हुए बोली "रिश्ता लेके आइ हूँ, वो मेरी नंद की जेठानी का लड़का है ना, मनोरंजन.. स्पेन से लौट आया है तो वो बोल रही थी लड़की देखने को, हमारी गुड्डी के लिए एकदम सही है"
"तुमको कैसे पता बुआ की मेरे लिए कौन सही है?" दिखा दी हमने मुँहफटि और माँ ठिठक गयी की "लड़की चटक ज़ुबान है" का तमग़ा ना लग जाए..
मम्मी तो मम्मी होती है ना, मम्मीपना तो दिख़ाएगी.. "तू चुप कर और नहा ले" लो जी.. भगा दिया.. मतलब क्या? काली गाय समझा है क्या जब घी की रोटी खिलानी हो तब पूच पुच कर दिया और गोबर करने का टाइम आया तो भगा दिया! 
(गौरक्षक इग्नोर करें) 
कुछ नहीं, हम चले नहाने.. वैक्सिंग भी करनी थी और फ़ेशल भी, कौन बुआ की तरफ़ ध्यान दे.. "पप्पा की परी" हूँ मैं वो सम्भाल लेंगे और माना कर देंगे जिस भी लक्कडबग़घे को मेरे पल्ले बाँधने बुआ कर रही है..
टॉलेट में बैठ कर हम भी टिंडर चेक करने लगे, कुल मिला के १६ मैचेज़ थे जिसने 11 मैरीड निकले झूठेल बांब, ३ जस्ट लुकिंग फ़ोर लाइक मायंडेड पीपल तो हैंग अराउंड विद, बाक़ी दो 'नथिंग.. जस्ट गोइंग विद फ़्लो एंड लेट्स सी वट हैपेंज़" वाले थे..

दो चार की गुड मोर्निंग का जवाब देके, ऑफ़िस मेल्ज़ चेक की, फ़ेस्बुक नोटिफ़िकेशंज़ देखी और नहाने चले गए.. 

Excel vs Sandwich

Bedroom success is another target a man has to meet other than the sales. I used to give him targets. "Three before office","on your study table" my favorite one was saying "Not tonight!" and giving him a perfect invitation with the female fluids secreting from my intentions to get overpowered in the bed tonight.
"Not tonight", I said. He smiled and pretended "what happen?" I said," work assignment, gotta work, shall sleep late""Okay" and he walked out of th bedroom to hall, flipping some channels and watching his old crush movie Fast and Furious 1.
I started working. It genuinly hurts your eyes and lower back when you work on screen at night on the bed. I should sit on study table instead but then I'm the slave of comfort seeking a life beyond chair and desk.
Been an hour and more he isn't there. I find it hard to explain this feeling. Why do I just want to have him in front of my eyes. I find peace. I don't wish to sound obsessed but I feel as if I've the hold of my world when he's there. How can you love someone so immense? I feel happy just to see him in every 10 minutes just for 3 seconds and eyes are back to work. 
Cliche?
No it's not. Women are like that, most of us. We love to love our meṅ. Pamper them, care for them and keeping an eye - not to spy but to reassure he's there even if we know he is.
We seek constant self approval and confirmation of being loved in abundance and trust me there's no limit of our hunger for love.
"Coffee?" He asked munching a sandwich.I could never understand this man. He either wants me to make love or a sandwich at night.You can imagine my straight face here."you just had food, didn't you?" "Yep.""hungry, again?""Yep""and that was my sandwich?""Yep.""Hmmm..""Yep.""So why are you standing here now?""Because this is my house and my woman is sitting on the chair which is mine""Huh?""Yep.""Aggrrhh.. stop irritating me."He laughed and came inside the room, saw me struggling with Excel formulas and laughed louder, again."What?""Nothing!" He said."Why are you laughing?""because you're doing it wrong bro..again!" He said and laughed again.Ah! Every time he teases me for my mathematics I hate it because I know I can't get it straight.I stood up and pushed him back with both my hands on his chest. I shouldn't have done it. I know it turns him on but it was unintentional.He grabbed my wrists and locked it at my back. Strong hold I can't rescue.No! I said."Yep." He said again. Work!"I know""Let go of me""Nope.""Please?""I'll do it if..""If...if you make me another sandwich?"What?! "Yep" and he loosened me "Sandwich, with more veggies"So the deal settled in Excel vs Sandwich.

Rest,later. 

Be the stone..

When you fail and life gives you a rock bottom, gather everything you have, including the broken pieces of you and build something you always wanted. You have gotten a plain slate again, an empty notebook to rewrite the story you always wanted.

The world has already juged you a failure, taken you granted for a wasted matter and will not come forward to give you hand but rather  exploit you like that mentally disabled woman on the streets who gets raped every night and doesn't even know she's getting abused.

It's okay if you can't calligraph with those broken fingers, you don't have to. You just have to gather strength to hold the pen again and scribble on that empty notepad.

The wave of life has wiped the castle because it was made of sand, this time make your castle of rods, cement and the stone you've become.

Quotes

"Where do you see yourself in next 5 years?" He asked

"Mother of a baby girl and a business head, in your arms, in our home." She said. 

Twinkle twinkle little star ⭐️

Twinkle twinkle little star
I found him with her in the bar
It was my mistake
He took her on a date
A lot of stories he made
And my love got fade

I made him handsome
Baby selfie! Take some!
Taught him the styles
Thought we'd go miles
Clicked him like a model
DSLR is a fucking toddle,
He stole my quotes and status
Told her stories that made us.
Twinkle twinkle little star
I found him with her in the bar.

He ads cute girls now
Doesn't text me wonder how
Said, he loves me so much
Pretend doesn't know me as such
Are all men same?
Running behind dame!
Can't get enough of me
Wagged behind her pretty please.
Twinkle twinkle little star
I found him with her in the bar.

Dear Men, I am sorry.

You can't blame women for the feeling of disgust towards you. Women adore you and respect you in all forms and phases of their lives but still if we don't know you the first feeling will be of hate and disrespect towards you.I know it's not your fault but there was an uncle who rubbed my back after giving me chocolate then started rubbing my ass. I hated that uncle and then all the uncles. It wasn't your fault.. I don't hate you.I know you're kind and respectful but there was a cousin who threatened me to strip naked in front of him because he caught me bunking the tuition with my friends once at chaat corner. I hated that cousin and then all the cousins. It wasn't your fault, I don't hate you.I know you had been protective to all the women you met so far but whenever I travelled by bus there were some unknown men who rubbed their body on my shoulders when I was seated or I could feel them behind when I was standing. They stared at my breast and underarms when I held the handle. I hated the unknown stranger and then all the unknown strangers. It wasn't your fault.I know you never considered me weak but there were some elderly grandpas and my father too who always rebuked me when I wore jeans and played with my younger ones. They never let me know the good side of you. Always said never to befriend you and stay miles away. You never trusted your kind, how could I? I hated those relatives who made me hate you. I never wanted to.I know you're good but there were some of you who tried to touch me or when they couldn't because I fought back they painted the walls of the college calling me a whore. All of them passed comments and then some more started talking.. I hated those classmates and then I hated all the college mates.. I don't hate you.You're amazing, you're adorable but once there was a guy I didn't hate just like you, I loved and touched, I trusted and understood all these people I hated so far or made me hate others were just another side of the world. I was happy you made me complete then you broke it all, you mocked me, you made your friends touch their body over how we made love. You captured it all. I hated you and never could trust anyone at all.My family gave me to you and said I'll live and die with you henceforth. I smiled and accepted the decision made happy everyone then you started yelling at me, didn't let me work, kept me engaged in family and children, you wanted another you from me I couldn't But I gave you my replica..
Something I thought will change my life l, made it hell and your son, father, brother as well yelled at me as if I'm nothing and can't take decisions.. I hated you, probably the last role you could play in my life..I don't hate you. You did nothing. But you didn't stop it happening in your surroundings. You became the uncle who didn't do anything but since was another uncle so I thought you'll be the same..
You were not that cousin but you were another cousin..
We never travelled into the same bus but you're also an unknown stranger to me.
We were never in a relationship but I'm scared to go to a party with you, eat and drink with you and have pictures with you.
I'm not married to you but you will be married to someone..I know it's not your fault. I don't hate you.
But I can't help others of my kind to have this hate for you.Dear men, I'm sorry.

बेतुका

ज़िन्दगी क्या है?
एक सवाल बेतुका सा..
बीता साल था एक
ख़्याल बेतुका सा..
खुद ही चाहा, ना मिला,
रूठ गए..
फिर मना लिया ख़ुद को
दे बहाना बेतुका सा..
जिंदगी क्या है?
सवाल बेतुका सा..

कोशिश नाक़ाम करता है वह
दूर जा कर पास आने की,
खोया हमें, पाया तो क्या
फिर यह मलाल क्या है
बेतुका सा, ज़िन्दगी क्या है?
सवाल बेतुका सा..

खोखली गली में थी
अंधेरे आवाज़ गुमशुदा
चीख़ता ज़हन भी था
था यार वो ग़मज़दा
था अलग पर एक साथ
वो रास्ता बेतुका..

ज़िन्दगी है क्या?

If you leave, you will leave me with nothing.

"If you leave, you'll leave me with nothing" he said and kissed her to stop.

She ran fingers in his hair in the mansuetude of care,  the way she used to cuddle him and make him sleep on her breasts, said nothing.

There's an unexplainable crave and desire you feel for someone,when you think of the person all you can imagine that one moment which binds you... maybe that soul locking kiss. When lips are locked with no air between all you could taste the cold saliva and the soft tongue.

"I can't stop thinking, your kisses.. I so miss kissing you" he said grabbing her face between his flat palms.

She said nothing..

"Speak something" he pressed his palms hard and her lips glanced out like pouting baby.

"You never said you love me and wish to spend your life with me.." She said, softly, looking down at her feet.

"I'm a man" he lifted her face and made her look into her eyes. "I can't express the way you want" he explained. "I don't know how do you want me to say it, I act, I do, I just don't have words" he wished he could, anyhow make her feel the pain he is feeling while speaking this all.

"I express my love when I touch you. I kiss you everywhere.I feel your love when you melt down with the pain I give you. I feel our relationship when you scream my name in pleasure" He grabbed her arms and felt the same love running into his nerves.

"This is all physical.. you don't say it" she said, demand to be loosened up.

"Can you explain your desire to release myself deep inside you?" He asked.

She said nothing.. then said "No"

"When you go numb, when you're asleep in my arms with those heavy breathing, our legs like mating snakes, when you feel me inside you and you hold me tight when I am no more in control of my muscles for thirty seconds and more.. when those tears roll down your eyes when you're in pleasure, that is my love, love." he said it all.

"I'm a man, I don't say it, I do" he didn't know what else to say..

"If you leave, you'll leave me with nothing."

तुझसे बेहतर है, मुझपे हंसने वाले

दोस्त बन बन के मिले मुझको मिटाने वाले
मैंने देखे हैं कई रंग बदलने वाले

तुमने चुप रहकर सितम और भी ढाया मुझ पर
तुमसे अच्छे हैं मेरे हाल पे हँसनेवाले

मैं तो इख़लाक़ के हाथों ही बिका करता हूँ
और होंगे तेरे बाज़ार में बिकनेवाले

(अख़लाक़ = इख़लाक़ = शिष्टाचार, सद्वृत्ति)

आख़री बार सलाम-ए-दिल-ए-मुज़्तर ले लो
फिर ना लौटेंगे शब-ए-हिज्र पे रोनेवाले

[(मुज़्तर = व्याकुल, बेचैन, बेबस, लाचार) (सलाम-ए-दिल-ए-मुज़्तर = व्याकुल दिल का सलाम), (शब-ए-हिज्र = जुदाई की रात)]

-सईद राही