Michelle Hauck's Blog, page 135
July 17, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza 13
So you know the drill. Contact me on twitter if you want your query showcased. Comment on the query before and after yours. All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees.
Here's your warning that I will have another Query Questions interview tomorrow with another great agent. So stay tuned.
Now here is #13. I hope no one is superstitious.
In 1957, seventeen-year-old Delilah Jones journeys to a Gothic mansion in New England to find information about her birth parents. Why? Why does she need the information? You are leaving out important points that determine your mc's motivation. In 1957, seventeen-year-old Delilah Jones is searching New England for the parents, who left her in a shoebox. She just needs closure so she can marry her childhood sweetheart from the orphanage. She must participate in a dance contest in the mansion as a cover for her actions so she can search for information about her birth parents who once lived in the mansion. Flat. Try something along the lines of: Her search leads her to a creepy old Gothic mansion where her parents once lived, only it's in the middle the weirdest dance contest ever. The only way to get close is to act the part of contestant. Weird happenings and rumors make her believe the mansion is haunted. Generic. Give details. Ghostly touches on her skin when she's chacha ing convince her the mansion is haunted. Her partner in the dance contest has super-human strength and she must stop him from hurting her or other participants before a hundred-year-old curse takes place and silences her and everyone in the mansion. You need to play up the danger and scariness before getting to the closing stakes of the last sentence. Put in details, such as her partner's name and break this last sentence into several filled-out sentences. When her assigned dance partner, Rhoul, throws someone through a wall(shows his superhuman strength), Delilah knows something isn't right. Could this curse of super-human strength be what happened to her parents(some sentence that explains the curse)? She must stop Rhoul before he kills her or the other contestants and prevent the hundred-year-old curse from silencing everyone in the mansion. Right now you are trying to rush this query and it has become all telling. There is no link between her goal of finding out about her parents and the curse or haunting.
My writing credits include a short story published in Palm Prints, the University of South Florida’s writing journal, 1st prize in the Virginia Romance Writers Paranormal Romance category, honorable mention for fiction from the National Writers Association, and 2nd prize for YA fiction from the Florida State Writing Competition. Nice bio. I'd put it under the genre word count paragraph. Information about your book should come before information about you.
Mysterious is a YA Gothic novel complete at 58,000 words. Thank you for considering my novel. I translate Gothic as horror which makes you at the low end for YA.
Sincerely, Probably don't need this additional sign off. Most queries separate the 'thank you' line and use that for their closing. That will work nicely if you move your bio to after the word count sentence.
Many queries go too long, but this one is too brief. Additional details that show would add excitement to it. You need to transfer the scary and ominous voice of a horror novel into your query.
Don't be afraid to connect what is happening at the mansion with Delilah's search for her parents. Your query should have an arc, just like your book. What you start out with at the beginning of your query in the hook should cycle back around to the ending sinker line.
Here's your warning that I will have another Query Questions interview tomorrow with another great agent. So stay tuned.
Now here is #13. I hope no one is superstitious.
In 1957, seventeen-year-old Delilah Jones journeys to a Gothic mansion in New England to find information about her birth parents. Why? Why does she need the information? You are leaving out important points that determine your mc's motivation. In 1957, seventeen-year-old Delilah Jones is searching New England for the parents, who left her in a shoebox. She just needs closure so she can marry her childhood sweetheart from the orphanage. She must participate in a dance contest in the mansion as a cover for her actions so she can search for information about her birth parents who once lived in the mansion. Flat. Try something along the lines of: Her search leads her to a creepy old Gothic mansion where her parents once lived, only it's in the middle the weirdest dance contest ever. The only way to get close is to act the part of contestant. Weird happenings and rumors make her believe the mansion is haunted. Generic. Give details. Ghostly touches on her skin when she's chacha ing convince her the mansion is haunted. Her partner in the dance contest has super-human strength and she must stop him from hurting her or other participants before a hundred-year-old curse takes place and silences her and everyone in the mansion. You need to play up the danger and scariness before getting to the closing stakes of the last sentence. Put in details, such as her partner's name and break this last sentence into several filled-out sentences. When her assigned dance partner, Rhoul, throws someone through a wall(shows his superhuman strength), Delilah knows something isn't right. Could this curse of super-human strength be what happened to her parents(some sentence that explains the curse)? She must stop Rhoul before he kills her or the other contestants and prevent the hundred-year-old curse from silencing everyone in the mansion. Right now you are trying to rush this query and it has become all telling. There is no link between her goal of finding out about her parents and the curse or haunting.
My writing credits include a short story published in Palm Prints, the University of South Florida’s writing journal, 1st prize in the Virginia Romance Writers Paranormal Romance category, honorable mention for fiction from the National Writers Association, and 2nd prize for YA fiction from the Florida State Writing Competition. Nice bio. I'd put it under the genre word count paragraph. Information about your book should come before information about you.
Mysterious is a YA Gothic novel complete at 58,000 words. Thank you for considering my novel. I translate Gothic as horror which makes you at the low end for YA.
Sincerely, Probably don't need this additional sign off. Most queries separate the 'thank you' line and use that for their closing. That will work nicely if you move your bio to after the word count sentence.
Many queries go too long, but this one is too brief. Additional details that show would add excitement to it. You need to transfer the scary and ominous voice of a horror novel into your query.
Don't be afraid to connect what is happening at the mansion with Delilah's search for her parents. Your query should have an arc, just like your book. What you start out with at the beginning of your query in the hook should cycle back around to the ending sinker line.
July 16, 2013
Four Authors of short stories in Summer's Double Edge
Short stories aren't only about filling out an author's bio, they let a writer use their imagination to write about situations and characters they normally wouldn't get to explore.
Four great authors and one great book! As we are four friends who also happen to be published in the same collection of short stories, Summer's Double Edge, we wanted to share a little something about ourselves and our writing.
The tales in Summer's Double Edge and the companion book, Summer's Edge, are based upon short-term relationships or relationships at an end. And we all had a unique take on those instructions. You'll see our stories are considerably different, which gives a healthy diversity. Summer's Edge and Summer's Double Edge are available at Smashswords, Amazon and Barnes and Noble. (B&N and paperback version are still to come.)
To celebrate the release, each of us posed two questions about short stories and collected the answers on our blogs. By traveling to all four of our blogs, you can read the entire interview. See Jean's interview questions here. See MarcyKate's interview questions here. And see Amy's interview questions here. Here are my questions:
Jean Oram: My short story background consists of two short stories. My first one which was "Crumbs" found in The Fall: Tales From the Apocalypse where I wrote about a woman who finally finds the courage to find love--at the end of the world. It was a fun challenge as Matt Sinclair, the editor and publisher provided the theme of hope at the end of the world. I hadn't written a short story since grade nine--and that was with a friend in class and wasn't much of a story! (We were actually just trying to get a rise out of the teacher with our assignment. You know... 14. Oh boy.) I enjoyed trying to write a romance set during an apocalypse. So many things were incongruent I think it actually kind of worked!
My second short story is "Gown For Sale" which almost reads like a poem and is in Summer's Double Edge. Again, I had the theme from Matt and had it mulling about in my head. While trying to sleep one night the story of a jilted bride-to-be came to mind and out came this 460 word story.
MarcyKate Connolly: I dabbled with them a lot in high school and college, but never pursued publishing them. Mostly my brain works in long form. I think it’s because I love to plot. J However, when the call went out for submissions to EBP’s first anthology, Spring Fevers, I had an idea for one and decided to give it a shot. That turned out to be “Connected” and I was delighted they accepted it. When I heard the theme for Summer’s Double Edge, it also struck a chord with me, and led to the spark that became “Don’t Pet the Ghosts.”
Amy Trueblood: I started writing short stories a few years ago as part of a creative writing class project. While the process was daunting at first, I quickly fell in love with the challenge of writing a story in less than 10,000 words. My first short story ever published was in Liquid Imagination. A few months after that I was lucky enough to have a story published in The Fall, the second anthology from Elephant's Bookshelf Press. A third short story I've written called, Departures, will appear as part of a blog project created by fellow writer, Carey Torgesen.
Michelle Hauck: Since I'm a one project at a time writer, Frost and Fog is the only short story I've even written just to please myself. I've written some flash fiction for Webook contests, which had to follow a suggested theme. I wrote two other shorts based on small contests in the AQC Speculative Fiction Forum. Both of those also had suggested themes, and I eventually turned them into full-length stories.
When I saw Elephant's Bookshelf's call for shorts, I wasn't sure if Frost and Fog would be a good fit. But it was accepted!
Jean Oram: I think a short story and a novel are the same in so many ways. A good short story has a beginning, middle, and end. The character should change in some way over the course of the story. You still need characterization, plot, setting, etc., and hopefully create some sort of emotional investment in the reader (the hardest part of a short story, I think) as well as a connection. On the flip side, I think they differ in that you don't go as deep into characterization, setting, plot, etc. It is there, but isn't fully explored as it is in a novel. Well, unless you are writing a longer short story, then you can dive in a bit more. But in a lot of ways, I see good short stories as a mini novel. Sort of a snippet of a full-length tale. Kind of like if our lives were a novel and a story of our day's misadventures was a short story pulled from within it. You still need characters, setting, a bit of backstory or something to ground the reader in who everyone is and what they want. You just cover less ground overall.
MarcyKate Connolly: The basics are the same—you need a main character, a catalyst, and plot—but it’s condensed. Pacing is usually tighter, and there’s often only one turning point.
Amy Trueblood: I think they are the same in the idea that you must have a fully-fleshed beginning, middle and end. Where they differ is with a short story you must measure your words, eliminating anything that doesn't move the plot forward.
Michelle Hauck: Like full length novels, shorts have to have a plot and/or character arc. The character's personality must change and grow over the course of the story. Unlike a full novel, you have to accomplish this fast. There is no time for a gradual transformation of a character, egged on by many small incidents. Usually a single dramatic event takes place like a blow to the stomach to knock the character into changing. Which means, the ending can often be messier than the happily ever after of a novel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jean Oram's BIO:
Jean Oram loves to write women's fiction and romance and is currently giving her first novel, Champagne and Lemon Drops, away for free as an ebook (online everywhere!). She will be releasing book two Fall 2013 and has also been known to write short stories such as "Gown For Sale" which can be found in Summer's Double Edge. You can find her at www.jeanoram.com.
Jean's one line story description:
Gown For Sale is a story about love and betrayal and the struggle to move on and find peace with oneself and the ones you love--even when they break your heart.
MarcyKate Connolly's BIO:
MarcyKate Connolly is an author who lives in New England with her husband and pugs and writes weird little books. She’s also a coffee addict, voracious reader, and recurring commuter. She blogs about all those things and more at MarcyKate.com, and can often be found on Twitter. Her work is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary & Media, and her debut upper middle grade fantasy novel, MONSTROUS, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in Winter 2015.
MarcyKate's one line story description:
“Don’t Pet the Ghosts” is a short story about a ghost and a girl who cross paths in a graveyard, and how that changes their lives in unexpected ways.
Amy Trueblood's BIO:
Amy is a freelance writer with over fifteen years of experience in marketing and public relations. When not “chasing the crazy” dream of being published, she feeds her addictions to good TV (Bones, Castle & Fringe), books, and mango ice tea. She blogs regularly atwww.chasingthecrazies.wordpress.com and can be found chatting about books, music and writing on Twitter (@atrueblood5).
Amy's one line story description:
When two archaeologists, with a tumultuous past, are assigned to a new dig, they discover a long hidden secret that unearths feelings they've both kept buried for years.
Michelle Hauck's BIO:
Michelle Hauck lives in the bustling metropolis of northern Indiana with her hubby and two teenagers. Besides working with special needs children by day, she writes all sorts of fantasy, giving her imagination free range. A book worm, she passes up the darker vices in favor of chocolate and looks for any excuse to reward herself. Bio finished? Time for a sweet snack. Her epic fantasy, KINDAR’S CURE , is to be published by Divertir Publishing in 2013. Find her at her blog: It’s in the Details or on twitter.
Michelle's one line story description:
'Frost and Fog' is a story about lumberjacks trying to eke out a living, and instead finding something that changes their lives forever.
Four great authors and one great book! As we are four friends who also happen to be published in the same collection of short stories, Summer's Double Edge, we wanted to share a little something about ourselves and our writing.
The tales in Summer's Double Edge and the companion book, Summer's Edge, are based upon short-term relationships or relationships at an end. And we all had a unique take on those instructions. You'll see our stories are considerably different, which gives a healthy diversity. Summer's Edge and Summer's Double Edge are available at Smashswords, Amazon and Barnes and Noble. (B&N and paperback version are still to come.)
To celebrate the release, each of us posed two questions about short stories and collected the answers on our blogs. By traveling to all four of our blogs, you can read the entire interview. See Jean's interview questions here. See MarcyKate's interview questions here. And see Amy's interview questions here. Here are my questions:
What background do you have writing short stories?
Jean Oram: My short story background consists of two short stories. My first one which was "Crumbs" found in The Fall: Tales From the Apocalypse where I wrote about a woman who finally finds the courage to find love--at the end of the world. It was a fun challenge as Matt Sinclair, the editor and publisher provided the theme of hope at the end of the world. I hadn't written a short story since grade nine--and that was with a friend in class and wasn't much of a story! (We were actually just trying to get a rise out of the teacher with our assignment. You know... 14. Oh boy.) I enjoyed trying to write a romance set during an apocalypse. So many things were incongruent I think it actually kind of worked!
My second short story is "Gown For Sale" which almost reads like a poem and is in Summer's Double Edge. Again, I had the theme from Matt and had it mulling about in my head. While trying to sleep one night the story of a jilted bride-to-be came to mind and out came this 460 word story.
MarcyKate Connolly: I dabbled with them a lot in high school and college, but never pursued publishing them. Mostly my brain works in long form. I think it’s because I love to plot. J However, when the call went out for submissions to EBP’s first anthology, Spring Fevers, I had an idea for one and decided to give it a shot. That turned out to be “Connected” and I was delighted they accepted it. When I heard the theme for Summer’s Double Edge, it also struck a chord with me, and led to the spark that became “Don’t Pet the Ghosts.”
Amy Trueblood: I started writing short stories a few years ago as part of a creative writing class project. While the process was daunting at first, I quickly fell in love with the challenge of writing a story in less than 10,000 words. My first short story ever published was in Liquid Imagination. A few months after that I was lucky enough to have a story published in The Fall, the second anthology from Elephant's Bookshelf Press. A third short story I've written called, Departures, will appear as part of a blog project created by fellow writer, Carey Torgesen.
Michelle Hauck: Since I'm a one project at a time writer, Frost and Fog is the only short story I've even written just to please myself. I've written some flash fiction for Webook contests, which had to follow a suggested theme. I wrote two other shorts based on small contests in the AQC Speculative Fiction Forum. Both of those also had suggested themes, and I eventually turned them into full-length stories.
When I saw Elephant's Bookshelf's call for shorts, I wasn't sure if Frost and Fog would be a good fit. But it was accepted!
How does a short story differ from a full length novel, and how are they the same?
Jean Oram: I think a short story and a novel are the same in so many ways. A good short story has a beginning, middle, and end. The character should change in some way over the course of the story. You still need characterization, plot, setting, etc., and hopefully create some sort of emotional investment in the reader (the hardest part of a short story, I think) as well as a connection. On the flip side, I think they differ in that you don't go as deep into characterization, setting, plot, etc. It is there, but isn't fully explored as it is in a novel. Well, unless you are writing a longer short story, then you can dive in a bit more. But in a lot of ways, I see good short stories as a mini novel. Sort of a snippet of a full-length tale. Kind of like if our lives were a novel and a story of our day's misadventures was a short story pulled from within it. You still need characters, setting, a bit of backstory or something to ground the reader in who everyone is and what they want. You just cover less ground overall.
MarcyKate Connolly: The basics are the same—you need a main character, a catalyst, and plot—but it’s condensed. Pacing is usually tighter, and there’s often only one turning point.
Amy Trueblood: I think they are the same in the idea that you must have a fully-fleshed beginning, middle and end. Where they differ is with a short story you must measure your words, eliminating anything that doesn't move the plot forward.
Michelle Hauck: Like full length novels, shorts have to have a plot and/or character arc. The character's personality must change and grow over the course of the story. Unlike a full novel, you have to accomplish this fast. There is no time for a gradual transformation of a character, egged on by many small incidents. Usually a single dramatic event takes place like a blow to the stomach to knock the character into changing. Which means, the ending can often be messier than the happily ever after of a novel.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jean Oram's BIO:
Jean Oram loves to write women's fiction and romance and is currently giving her first novel, Champagne and Lemon Drops, away for free as an ebook (online everywhere!). She will be releasing book two Fall 2013 and has also been known to write short stories such as "Gown For Sale" which can be found in Summer's Double Edge. You can find her at www.jeanoram.com.
Jean's one line story description:
Gown For Sale is a story about love and betrayal and the struggle to move on and find peace with oneself and the ones you love--even when they break your heart.
MarcyKate Connolly's BIO:
MarcyKate Connolly is an author who lives in New England with her husband and pugs and writes weird little books. She’s also a coffee addict, voracious reader, and recurring commuter. She blogs about all those things and more at MarcyKate.com, and can often be found on Twitter. Her work is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary & Media, and her debut upper middle grade fantasy novel, MONSTROUS, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in Winter 2015.
MarcyKate's one line story description:
“Don’t Pet the Ghosts” is a short story about a ghost and a girl who cross paths in a graveyard, and how that changes their lives in unexpected ways.
Amy Trueblood's BIO:
Amy is a freelance writer with over fifteen years of experience in marketing and public relations. When not “chasing the crazy” dream of being published, she feeds her addictions to good TV (Bones, Castle & Fringe), books, and mango ice tea. She blogs regularly atwww.chasingthecrazies.wordpress.com and can be found chatting about books, music and writing on Twitter (@atrueblood5).
Amy's one line story description:
When two archaeologists, with a tumultuous past, are assigned to a new dig, they discover a long hidden secret that unearths feelings they've both kept buried for years.
Michelle Hauck's BIO:
Michelle Hauck lives in the bustling metropolis of northern Indiana with her hubby and two teenagers. Besides working with special needs children by day, she writes all sorts of fantasy, giving her imagination free range. A book worm, she passes up the darker vices in favor of chocolate and looks for any excuse to reward herself. Bio finished? Time for a sweet snack. Her epic fantasy, KINDAR’S CURE , is to be published by Divertir Publishing in 2013. Find her at her blog: It’s in the Details or on twitter.
Michelle's one line story description:
'Frost and Fog' is a story about lumberjacks trying to eke out a living, and instead finding something that changes their lives forever.
July 15, 2013
In Which I'm a Prize
I'm pleased to announce that I'm a prize in Amy Trueblood's 1K Follower Blowout Celebration. Or to be more truthful, my critiquing skills are the prize. To celebrate Amy's 1,000 (wow! I'm impressed.) blog followers, she is giving away the critiques of five authors on the first five pages of the winners' manuscripts, plus some amazing books. So if my tearing apart your query just isn't enough, here's a chance for me to rip your manuscript a new one. *evil laugh*
You'll know Amy's blog, Chasing the Crazies, for its super First Five Frenzy agent interviews, Writer Odysseys, and contest roundups. So bring your thick skin and follow Amy. Your manuscript will be stronger for it.
You'll know Amy's blog, Chasing the Crazies, for its super First Five Frenzy agent interviews, Writer Odysseys, and contest roundups. So bring your thick skin and follow Amy. Your manuscript will be stronger for it.
Query Questions with Juliet Mushens
Writers have copious amounts of imagination. It's what makes their stories so fantastic. But there's a darker side to so much out of the box thinking. When a writer is in the query trenches, their worries go into overdrive. They imagine every possible disaster.
Here to relieve some of that endless worrying is a new series of posts called Query Questions. I'll ask the questions that pray on every writer's mind, and hopefully take some of the pain out of querying. These are questions that I've seen tossed around on twitter and writing sites like Agent Query Connect. They are the type of questions that you need answers for the real expert--agents!
If you have your own specific query question, please leave it in the comments and it might show up in future editions of Query Questions.
Today I'm very pleased to bring you answers from agent extraordinary Juliet Mushens of The Agency Group. Thank you so much Ms. Mushens for taking the time to respond and maybe ease some fears about the query process.
Is there a particular time of year that is better to query?
Not really - the only bad times are April and October because of the book fairs. However everything gets read, I just might be slower than usual in responding because I'm so busy.
Does one typo or misplaced comma shoot down the entire query?
Not at all. I do advise people to get a friend to proofread it for them, but we all make mistakes and I understand that.
Do you look at sample pages without fail or only if the query is strong?
Yes, absolutely. Though there is a difference in UK & US submissions - in the UK you send a cover letter and the first 3 chapters. I'll always turn to the first three chapters though I can usually tell if a book will be me for me by the end of the cover letter - I have occasionally been proven wrong though.
Do crazy fonts caused by email gremlins make for an automatic rejection?
No, but do try sending it to yourself first to make sure it looks normal!
Do you prefer a little personalized chit-chat in a query letter, or would you rather hear about the manuscript?
I want the focus to be on the manuscript but a couple of lines about yourself is welcome too. Warm and funny letters are always nice.
Is there a bias against querying authors who have self-published?
No. One of my most successful writers self-published originally - he sold 350k copies and is now a paperback best seller with publishing deals in 10 countries.
Do you go through a large group of queries at a time or hold yourself to a few?
I try and set aside half an hour on the bus every day to do submissions - I can get through 1 in that time, or I can get through 20. I'm used to doing it so I know pretty quickly if it's one for me or not. If I'm really busy I can build up a backlog - it is a common misconception that we spend all day reading, whereas in reality most submissions reading is extracurricular.
How many queries do you receive in a week? How many requests might you make out of those?
Probably 30 or so. I call in maybe 2 full manuscripts a month. Sometimes I call in nothing for 6 months, sometimes 2 in a week.
Have you form rejected great projects you think could be accepted elsewhere or do you try to give some feedback?
If I think something is great I will probably represent it! Occasionally I have said no to good things as I'm busy but I will always explain that.
What does ‘just didn’t connect enough’ mean to you?
I'm not invested enough in the characters, usually.
What’s the strangest/funniest thing you've seen in a query?
I once got sent a gnome with a query before. That was pretty weird.
Juliet Mushens is an agent in the UK literary department of The Agency Group where she represents a bestselling list of fiction and non-fiction writers. She was picked by The Bookseller as a Rising Star in 2012 and shortlisted for the Kim Scott Walwyn Prize 2013. Please email her your cover letter and first 3 chapters when submitting. You can follow her on twitter at @mushenska
Here to relieve some of that endless worrying is a new series of posts called Query Questions. I'll ask the questions that pray on every writer's mind, and hopefully take some of the pain out of querying. These are questions that I've seen tossed around on twitter and writing sites like Agent Query Connect. They are the type of questions that you need answers for the real expert--agents!
If you have your own specific query question, please leave it in the comments and it might show up in future editions of Query Questions.
Today I'm very pleased to bring you answers from agent extraordinary Juliet Mushens of The Agency Group. Thank you so much Ms. Mushens for taking the time to respond and maybe ease some fears about the query process.
Is there a particular time of year that is better to query?
Not really - the only bad times are April and October because of the book fairs. However everything gets read, I just might be slower than usual in responding because I'm so busy.
Does one typo or misplaced comma shoot down the entire query?
Not at all. I do advise people to get a friend to proofread it for them, but we all make mistakes and I understand that.
Do you look at sample pages without fail or only if the query is strong?
Yes, absolutely. Though there is a difference in UK & US submissions - in the UK you send a cover letter and the first 3 chapters. I'll always turn to the first three chapters though I can usually tell if a book will be me for me by the end of the cover letter - I have occasionally been proven wrong though.
Do crazy fonts caused by email gremlins make for an automatic rejection?
No, but do try sending it to yourself first to make sure it looks normal!
Do you prefer a little personalized chit-chat in a query letter, or would you rather hear about the manuscript?
I want the focus to be on the manuscript but a couple of lines about yourself is welcome too. Warm and funny letters are always nice.
Is there a bias against querying authors who have self-published?
No. One of my most successful writers self-published originally - he sold 350k copies and is now a paperback best seller with publishing deals in 10 countries.
Do you go through a large group of queries at a time or hold yourself to a few?
I try and set aside half an hour on the bus every day to do submissions - I can get through 1 in that time, or I can get through 20. I'm used to doing it so I know pretty quickly if it's one for me or not. If I'm really busy I can build up a backlog - it is a common misconception that we spend all day reading, whereas in reality most submissions reading is extracurricular.
How many queries do you receive in a week? How many requests might you make out of those?
Probably 30 or so. I call in maybe 2 full manuscripts a month. Sometimes I call in nothing for 6 months, sometimes 2 in a week.
Have you form rejected great projects you think could be accepted elsewhere or do you try to give some feedback?
If I think something is great I will probably represent it! Occasionally I have said no to good things as I'm busy but I will always explain that.
What does ‘just didn’t connect enough’ mean to you?
I'm not invested enough in the characters, usually.
What’s the strangest/funniest thing you've seen in a query?
I once got sent a gnome with a query before. That was pretty weird.
Juliet Mushens is an agent in the UK literary department of The Agency Group where she represents a bestselling list of fiction and non-fiction writers. She was picked by The Bookseller as a Rising Star in 2012 and shortlisted for the Kim Scott Walwyn Prize 2013. Please email her your cover letter and first 3 chapters when submitting. You can follow her on twitter at @mushenska
July 12, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza #12
So you know the drill. Contact me on twitter if you want your query showcased. Comment on the query before and after yours. All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees.
Daughter passed her driver's test today! The relief has given me a headache so, hopefully, I can still think straight. We'll find out. And email did strange things to this query.
Carys, did not expect to be entombed under a cemetery, trapped in the Cretaceous,or to traverse the veil between life and death. She just wanted the time/space continuum-altering birthday she was promised. This last sentence confused me. I mistook the hyphen for a dash. My fault.
Hollow History is an 89,000 word novel about a young women woman named Carys Barbour who lives in Pole Cat Hollow, a glen hidden deep in the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia. Treacherous mountain terrain, and the putrid skunk odor surrounding the hollow’s parameter, keeps the region cloaked, but now Carys must prove, through a series of trials,that she can protect the family’s secret. Usually the word count sentence goes at the end or first thing. And I don't see a genre. I think you could sum up the important parts in one sentence and move the word count and title to the end. Living in skunk-stinking Pole Cat Hollow among the Appalachian Mountains, Carys must prove she can protect the family's secrets. Then down below you show the trials she has to undergo and spell out the stakes if she fails them.
Her plans to prove herself as a preternatural leader take an ill-timed turn when she and her best friend, wannabe witch, Wren, discover that vile Leonard Smith, her father’s most trusted employee, has become too curious about what her family really does in the basement of their ancestral home, Skunkies. Too many names. Try and hold it to two or maybe three in a query. We don't need to know her best friend's name or the name of their home. And I'm not seeing anything about time/space continuum. Is time travel her family's secret? She discovers her father's trusted employee is too curious about her family's basement.
Carys, Wren, and the initially pesky but evolving love interest, Buck,stalk Leonard and find themselves caught in a time loop which tests the natural survival skills and confidence of mathematically challenged Carys. Is the time loop in the basement, because otherwise it springs out of nowhere. And so far this is all really generic. I mean by that there is nothing for me to grab onto. No details about what you mean. Stuck in skunk-stinking Pole Cat Hollow among the Appalachian Mountains, Carys has to help hide her family secret of guiding lost souls to a peaceful rest. Only big-nosed Leonard, her father's favorite employee, keeps lurking around the basement, trying to ferret out the truth. When she tries to block him, they're all knocked spinning into the time threshold and end up entombed under a cemetary. Making matters worse, her deceased ancestor won't quit with the cryptic warnings. This is not her idea of a great birthday. Time to stop relying on parents and friends, she has to be the leader. If she can't prove her courage and cool under pressure and get them all home....xxx will happen.
To make matters more complicated, in the midst of her trials, Carys is haunted by the voice of a deceased ancestor, whose exasperatingly cryptic messages warn her that she is not focusing on her true role as the guide for lost souls. Oh, is this the secret?
Still reliant on her friends and parents, Carys fears that too much dependence on others may lessen her credibility as a leader. She must find the courage to take charge, ultimately proving to her patronizing community that a girl can lead both the living and the dead with confidence, despite having only a conceptual understanding of the Theory of Relativity. You've got the 'she must' part but it is missing the 'or else' part. She must show leadership or they will cast her out forever.
I grew up in a rustic home in the wooded mountains of Luray, Virginia and have inside knowledge on the secretive families that still thrive in the hidden hollows of the Appalachians, making a living however they see fit in them thar hills. I have degrees from both Virginia Tech and Hollins University and currently teach high school English in Roanoke, Virginia. I can see where this could be relevant.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.
Again I think this query is full of details of the wrong sort. We need to stop worrying about hiding what our books are actually about. Don't be afraid to spell out those secrets. That is the only way to entice. Show us what makes your story unique.
I'd say location plays a part in the uniqueness of this story. Now flesh out the rest and don't forget the genre.
Daughter passed her driver's test today! The relief has given me a headache so, hopefully, I can still think straight. We'll find out. And email did strange things to this query.
Carys, did not expect to be entombed under a cemetery, trapped in the Cretaceous,or to traverse the veil between life and death. She just wanted the time/space continuum-altering birthday she was promised. This last sentence confused me. I mistook the hyphen for a dash. My fault.
Hollow History is an 89,000 word novel about a young women woman named Carys Barbour who lives in Pole Cat Hollow, a glen hidden deep in the Appalachian Mountains of Virginia. Treacherous mountain terrain, and the putrid skunk odor surrounding the hollow’s parameter, keeps the region cloaked, but now Carys must prove, through a series of trials,that she can protect the family’s secret. Usually the word count sentence goes at the end or first thing. And I don't see a genre. I think you could sum up the important parts in one sentence and move the word count and title to the end. Living in skunk-stinking Pole Cat Hollow among the Appalachian Mountains, Carys must prove she can protect the family's secrets. Then down below you show the trials she has to undergo and spell out the stakes if she fails them.
Her plans to prove herself as a preternatural leader take an ill-timed turn when she and her best friend, wannabe witch, Wren, discover that vile Leonard Smith, her father’s most trusted employee, has become too curious about what her family really does in the basement of their ancestral home, Skunkies. Too many names. Try and hold it to two or maybe three in a query. We don't need to know her best friend's name or the name of their home. And I'm not seeing anything about time/space continuum. Is time travel her family's secret? She discovers her father's trusted employee is too curious about her family's basement.
Carys, Wren, and the initially pesky but evolving love interest, Buck,stalk Leonard and find themselves caught in a time loop which tests the natural survival skills and confidence of mathematically challenged Carys. Is the time loop in the basement, because otherwise it springs out of nowhere. And so far this is all really generic. I mean by that there is nothing for me to grab onto. No details about what you mean. Stuck in skunk-stinking Pole Cat Hollow among the Appalachian Mountains, Carys has to help hide her family secret of guiding lost souls to a peaceful rest. Only big-nosed Leonard, her father's favorite employee, keeps lurking around the basement, trying to ferret out the truth. When she tries to block him, they're all knocked spinning into the time threshold and end up entombed under a cemetary. Making matters worse, her deceased ancestor won't quit with the cryptic warnings. This is not her idea of a great birthday. Time to stop relying on parents and friends, she has to be the leader. If she can't prove her courage and cool under pressure and get them all home....xxx will happen.
To make matters more complicated, in the midst of her trials, Carys is haunted by the voice of a deceased ancestor, whose exasperatingly cryptic messages warn her that she is not focusing on her true role as the guide for lost souls. Oh, is this the secret?
Still reliant on her friends and parents, Carys fears that too much dependence on others may lessen her credibility as a leader. She must find the courage to take charge, ultimately proving to her patronizing community that a girl can lead both the living and the dead with confidence, despite having only a conceptual understanding of the Theory of Relativity. You've got the 'she must' part but it is missing the 'or else' part. She must show leadership or they will cast her out forever.
I grew up in a rustic home in the wooded mountains of Luray, Virginia and have inside knowledge on the secretive families that still thrive in the hidden hollows of the Appalachians, making a living however they see fit in them thar hills. I have degrees from both Virginia Tech and Hollins University and currently teach high school English in Roanoke, Virginia. I can see where this could be relevant.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to hear from you soon.
Again I think this query is full of details of the wrong sort. We need to stop worrying about hiding what our books are actually about. Don't be afraid to spell out those secrets. That is the only way to entice. Show us what makes your story unique.
I'd say location plays a part in the uniqueness of this story. Now flesh out the rest and don't forget the genre.
July 11, 2013
Editing Services
Psst. Need great editing help at low prices. I know a place, buddy.
Actually I do. Jennifer Troemner offers a fantastic deal. She will read your manuscript and give you either a trees version, a forest version or both, depending on what sort of editing help you desire. Trees being concentrated on grammar and the writing, while the forest gives an overview of the whole manuscript, plot, pacing, and characters. Not sure her skills are worth the dough, she give you a five page sample of her work on your work. (Opps, now I'm dizzy.)
Not only that, but yours truly is working with her to help her make sure she can get to all the interested clients. And they don't call me the plot hole wizard for nothing.
Check out her blog for more information and actual pricing.
Summer Query Extravaganza #11
So you know the drill. Contact me on twitter if you want your query showcased. Comment on the query before and after yours. All query critiques are subjective. And rabbits don't come out of my hat, but I'll do my best. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buy one and I'll throw in a set of free steak knives, just pay separate shipping and handling fees.
Here is Query # 11:
Cage is a loner who (What about: A loner, Cage) haunts the streets of London with his trusty six-shooter, tracking down the vile monsters responsible for killing all his loved ones those he ever loved.(Sounds like he's made his choices. I'm getting a steampunk vibe, though I've no idea why.) His shock at locating the villainess who killed his family causes his shot to go wide.(Wordy. Shock at locating the murderer of his family drives his shot wide. I get you want the villainess out there quick, but it's adding a lot of words, which robs the punch.) Which is a good thing for Lady Jessamine Rose, considering she is fully human, and not the monster Cage mistook her for. (Grammar Girl says avoid ending with a preposition on job interviews. Query letters are job interviews. Lucky for Lady Jessamine Rose as she's human and not the monster Cage believes.)
Jessamine can't stand the mysterious man who fires upon her (man intent on killing her), but she's also drawn to him and the dark web that ensnares ensnaring nighttime London at night. (When has she had time to meet him? I don't see her sticking around to talk with him. Shouldn't she be running?) While searching for answers as to what(shouldn't this be who?) killed her brother, she locates Cage's watch. Only the watch isn't what it seems to be, and soon she's finds herself shooting her steam-powered pistol at strange creatures bent on killing her. (Mystery for the point of mystery doesn't entice. Can you be more specific about what the watch is? Also 'creatures' falls flat. What sort of creatures? Now that would be more interesting. PS, I knew it was steampunk.)
London isn't safe anymore, and if Cage wants his revenge, and if Jessamine wants closure, they'll have to work together to not only save the city, but also each other. (I don't have any idea of why the city is in danger. Seems like the danger mentioned here is entirely personal to them. I'd also reword to lose the 'ifs'.)
ROSE AND WATCHES is a steampunk romance novel complete at 90K. (Yeah, I'm not getting the romance from this query. I was thinking steampunk western like Brandon Sanderson's The Alloy of Law.You really need more than the fact that she can't stand him.)
I am the author of a fantasy romance trilogy, Kingdom of Arnhem - Woman of Honor (2009), Knight of Glory (2010), and Champion of Valor (2011) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. Fifteen of my short works have appeared in various anthologies, including Holiday Magick by Spencer Hill Press. The first book in another trilogy, Black Hellebore, will be published in October by Desert Breeze Publishing. Impressive!
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
The main problem I have with this query is wordiness. It could use another run through to tidy it up. Plus, I got no sense of the stakes or the romance. How are the 'creatures' a danger to the whole city. That can be fixed with a bit of tweaking.
Here is Query # 11:
Cage is a loner who (What about: A loner, Cage) haunts the streets of London with his trusty six-shooter, tracking down the vile monsters responsible for killing all his loved ones those he ever loved.(Sounds like he's made his choices. I'm getting a steampunk vibe, though I've no idea why.) His shock at locating the villainess who killed his family causes his shot to go wide.(Wordy. Shock at locating the murderer of his family drives his shot wide. I get you want the villainess out there quick, but it's adding a lot of words, which robs the punch.) Which is a good thing for Lady Jessamine Rose, considering she is fully human, and not the monster Cage mistook her for. (Grammar Girl says avoid ending with a preposition on job interviews. Query letters are job interviews. Lucky for Lady Jessamine Rose as she's human and not the monster Cage believes.)
Jessamine can't stand the mysterious man who fires upon her (man intent on killing her), but she's also drawn to him and the dark web that ensnares ensnaring nighttime London at night. (When has she had time to meet him? I don't see her sticking around to talk with him. Shouldn't she be running?) While searching for answers as to what(shouldn't this be who?) killed her brother, she locates Cage's watch. Only the watch isn't what it seems to be, and soon she's finds herself shooting her steam-powered pistol at strange creatures bent on killing her. (Mystery for the point of mystery doesn't entice. Can you be more specific about what the watch is? Also 'creatures' falls flat. What sort of creatures? Now that would be more interesting. PS, I knew it was steampunk.)
London isn't safe anymore, and if Cage wants his revenge, and if Jessamine wants closure, they'll have to work together to not only save the city, but also each other. (I don't have any idea of why the city is in danger. Seems like the danger mentioned here is entirely personal to them. I'd also reword to lose the 'ifs'.)
ROSE AND WATCHES is a steampunk romance novel complete at 90K. (Yeah, I'm not getting the romance from this query. I was thinking steampunk western like Brandon Sanderson's The Alloy of Law.You really need more than the fact that she can't stand him.)
I am the author of a fantasy romance trilogy, Kingdom of Arnhem - Woman of Honor (2009), Knight of Glory (2010), and Champion of Valor (2011) published with Desert Breeze Publishing. Fifteen of my short works have appeared in various anthologies, including Holiday Magick by Spencer Hill Press. The first book in another trilogy, Black Hellebore, will be published in October by Desert Breeze Publishing. Impressive!
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
The main problem I have with this query is wordiness. It could use another run through to tidy it up. Plus, I got no sense of the stakes or the romance. How are the 'creatures' a danger to the whole city. That can be fixed with a bit of tweaking.
July 10, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza #10
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me.
Here is query #10:
Maria wades through grief and destruction to stamp out a new life for herself. Her journey she finds her old world is rot with secrets that are soon compounded by the mysteries of her town. I'd cut off the front of the last sentence and try: Her old world is rotten with secrets that are compounded by the mysteries of her town. I'm afraid as a hook this is awkward and lacks details.
Maria’s father is murdered in their tiny Texas town. Now, her sister won’t come home from college, and her mom is unable to cope with grief unless she’s clutching a wine bottle. And in school, she Maria (You've moved from one character, mom, to another so use a name.) meets a vivacious new friend named Lexi. Through this new friendship two different boys zero in on her: Teo is the All-American jerk football player (We had a famous Te'o here playing at Notre Dame.) , and Joaquin De Luna Why does only this one get first and last name? Play fair or it too much of a hint. is the reserved, gorgeous, and strangely familiar soccer player. When Teo’s reckless need to possess Maria unhinges him and Joaquin comes to her rescue, she gets a glimpse of something otherworldly—both boys are shapeshifters. We're getting a lot of set-up here with the dad, mom, Lexi, and sister, but I don't see any of it coming back into the query. If it's not crucial to the story than leave it out. If only the sister is important then stick with that. When their father is murdered, Maria and her sister no longer see eye to eye. Maria relies on flirting with All-American football player, Teo, and reserved, gorgeous and strangely familiar, Joaguin De Luna. Then use the last sentence.
The legendary Tonkawa are mystical creatures with the genetic ability to shapeshift. The Apache are blood thirsty werewolves made by forcibly taking Tonkawa women to gain their genetic legacy. Their appetite for genetically strong offspring triggered a curse and their bite produces a grotesque breed called wererats. This slips into synopsis mode. I would tie the boy's names into all this, because as is, I don't know who is what. And instead of trying to get it all in at once, give it to us a little at a time. Apache, Teo is a bloodthirsty werewolf, trying to kidnap Maria to produce genetically strong offspring. After Tonkawa shapeshifter Joaguin saves her, Maria discovers they share a heritage.
As the Tonkawa alpha female Maria’s inheritance is at stake, and she fight to keep it pure. I'd assumed her sister was the older sibling since the college mention. Would her sister be the alpha? I'm not getting why she needs to keep it pure? To keep from giving birth to a monster?
My 92,000-word YA urban fantasy, COMMON BLOOD combines a grieving teenager like Ilsa J. Bick’s ASHES and the respectful Hispanic males of Elizabeth Reyes’ series THE MORENO BROTHERS. Word count might be a little high, but not bad.
Thank you very much for your time and attention.
This query is still pretty rough. Too many details that don't matter to the story. Too many details that do matter are left as guesswork. What does Maria want? What is keeping her from getting it?
The hook is a good place to work in some of Maria's personality. Maria couldn't care less about her heritage until her dad is murdered. Now her family is in pieces and her heritage is about to come back to bite her--literally.
Also you start with the father's murder, bring that back around. If the murder figures into the ending, it would make a nice arc in your query to use it again in the tie up sentences in the last paragraph.
I hope this helps to give you some idea.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me.
Here is query #10:
Maria wades through grief and destruction to stamp out a new life for herself. Her journey she finds her old world is rot with secrets that are soon compounded by the mysteries of her town. I'd cut off the front of the last sentence and try: Her old world is rotten with secrets that are compounded by the mysteries of her town. I'm afraid as a hook this is awkward and lacks details.
Maria’s father is murdered in their tiny Texas town. Now, her sister won’t come home from college, and her mom is unable to cope with grief unless she’s clutching a wine bottle. And in school, she Maria (You've moved from one character, mom, to another so use a name.) meets a vivacious new friend named Lexi. Through this new friendship two different boys zero in on her: Teo is the All-American jerk football player (We had a famous Te'o here playing at Notre Dame.) , and Joaquin De Luna Why does only this one get first and last name? Play fair or it too much of a hint. is the reserved, gorgeous, and strangely familiar soccer player. When Teo’s reckless need to possess Maria unhinges him and Joaquin comes to her rescue, she gets a glimpse of something otherworldly—both boys are shapeshifters. We're getting a lot of set-up here with the dad, mom, Lexi, and sister, but I don't see any of it coming back into the query. If it's not crucial to the story than leave it out. If only the sister is important then stick with that. When their father is murdered, Maria and her sister no longer see eye to eye. Maria relies on flirting with All-American football player, Teo, and reserved, gorgeous and strangely familiar, Joaguin De Luna. Then use the last sentence.
The legendary Tonkawa are mystical creatures with the genetic ability to shapeshift. The Apache are blood thirsty werewolves made by forcibly taking Tonkawa women to gain their genetic legacy. Their appetite for genetically strong offspring triggered a curse and their bite produces a grotesque breed called wererats. This slips into synopsis mode. I would tie the boy's names into all this, because as is, I don't know who is what. And instead of trying to get it all in at once, give it to us a little at a time. Apache, Teo is a bloodthirsty werewolf, trying to kidnap Maria to produce genetically strong offspring. After Tonkawa shapeshifter Joaguin saves her, Maria discovers they share a heritage.
As the Tonkawa alpha female Maria’s inheritance is at stake, and she fight to keep it pure. I'd assumed her sister was the older sibling since the college mention. Would her sister be the alpha? I'm not getting why she needs to keep it pure? To keep from giving birth to a monster?
My 92,000-word YA urban fantasy, COMMON BLOOD combines a grieving teenager like Ilsa J. Bick’s ASHES and the respectful Hispanic males of Elizabeth Reyes’ series THE MORENO BROTHERS. Word count might be a little high, but not bad.
Thank you very much for your time and attention.
This query is still pretty rough. Too many details that don't matter to the story. Too many details that do matter are left as guesswork. What does Maria want? What is keeping her from getting it?
The hook is a good place to work in some of Maria's personality. Maria couldn't care less about her heritage until her dad is murdered. Now her family is in pieces and her heritage is about to come back to bite her--literally.
Also you start with the father's murder, bring that back around. If the murder figures into the ending, it would make a nice arc in your query to use it again in the tie up sentences in the last paragraph.
I hope this helps to give you some idea.
July 9, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza #9
Fountain on the deck I have to clean all the time.Nine is my lucky number (not that it has been particularly lucky), and in celebration I am brightening up this query teardown with flower pictures from my yard. You may not know this about me, but I love to garden. Or well, I love to look at my garden and plan to pull weeds someday.
That's a rose bush to the right. To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me.
Eighteen-year-old Lexi Garner is a lonely alien hidden in the donated body of a once suicidal human teenager. This got my attention. Maybe a little more clarity on whether the donated bodies are actually dead--human teenager suicide victim versus once suicidal.
Lexi's race can't survive Earth's climate without donated bodies, but nobody uses the words suicide or euthanasia anymore. Not since the aliens proved they can cure heart disease, lung disease and cancer up to stage IV. Cure by habiting inside someone or cure with advanced technology? What happens to the human inside? Their soul is gone? Healing depression is impossible, but by possessing a body, they can make the pain disappear forever. I think I'd rather live with the pain. Depression can go away over time.
Most humans are grateful, but fear of the unknown has led to dozens of alien murders. So Lexi conceals her true nature identity? Nature implies her personality, not her race., even when she falls for her human classmate Garrett. Garrett is the name I used for my YA dystopian hero. See subjective, if I was an agent, I'd be paying more attention. Craving intimacy, she links her thoughts to his and is overwhelmed by an unexpected depression. Visions of Garrett dead Or 'resorting to suicide' Otherwise it sounds like the aliens kill him for being depressed. or donating his own body haunt her.
With Garrett's mental health declining, Lexi must choose between healing him—if it's even possible—or supporting providing? her race with another opportunity for survival. Suddenly, keeping secrets is more important than ever, but now it's from her own endangered species—a species vigilant enough to notice her betrayal. And desperate enough to ensure it will never happen again. Nice sum up of the stakes. Now I'm getting the aliens are ruthless. Maybe use ruthless instead of desperate. I can't say how agents feel about incomplete sentences, but the last one worries me.
ROGUE HEALER is a YA light science-fiction novel complete at 80K words. It stands alone and has series potential. I assume light because it is set on an Earth like ours.
I grew up in Michigan and now live with my husband and children in Germany. By day, I work as a project manager, and I'm an active member of SCBWI. Hi, neighbor. I'm in Indiana! Oh, a SCBWI member, that is relevant. (I've been too cheap to join.) Maybe cut the rest because it doesn't relate to writing. Some agents like a little background and some don't. So hard to judge.
Interesting plot and a nice sum up. There are a few things I'm not getting from this query. Why are the aliens there? What are they getting out of it besides a chance to live on fabulous earth? Did their own world blow up like Krypton That should go in the first sentence I believe.And what happens to the donated humans? Are they technically dead?
Does 'cure cancer' mean by inhabiting the sick person? Is so, I'm not so sure this is an advantage for the humans. Make it clearer whether the aliens inhabit sick people or just depressed people.
July 8, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza #8
Most of you know these query critiques sprang from the contest I helped run with Mike and SC. The Query Kombat agent round started today over at Mike's blog, and we are hoping for a ton of requests to go with these amazing queries and first pages. If you want to see what a great query looks like, that would be a good place to visit.
Also, if you are thinking of running your own writing contest you might be interested in an interview I gave to Amy Trueblood. It includes the behind the scene details on the difficulties of running a large contest. It's a lot of work for one thing, and there are always hiccups that threaten a host's sleep. You can find the interview here.
On to query #8.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me.
Sixteen-year-old witch's apprentice Bridey Corkill has hated the ocean ever since her granddad dove into it, drowning with a smile on his face. (Nice start!) So when a strange girl rolls in with the tide, Bridey suspects that whatever compelled her granddad to leap into sea has made its return to the Isle of Man. (Still good.) Soon, girls from Bridey’s town are turning up on the beach, waterlogged and lifeless. (You've jumped away from me here. My expectation was a siren as the'strange girl.' But do sirens go after girls or only men? My experience with Homer and Sinbad says men.)
Bridey would love to stay far away from the water, but her errands for the old witch involve frequent trips to the shore, where she searches for everything from soggy eels for nasty pies to sea glass fragments for mysterious spells. One morning, instead of finding what the witch needs, she discovers an unconscious boy with deep gashes in his stomach. In exchange for saving his life, Fynn teaches Bridey how to master her fear of the water—stealing her heart in the process. But the secret surrounding Fynn's existence threatens to unravel his and Bridey’s new romance. (Now I'm wondering where the dead girls went. They disappeared from the story, as did the strange girl who came in with the tide. What I got in the first paragraph isn't carrying through.)
As Bridey confesses (expresses? admits? to avoid repeating the word.) her feelings for him, Fynn confesses the truth: he's a glashtyn, the very thing that might be luring girls to their deaths. (How does that explain her grandfather? Have we got male and female sirens working this beach?) Her fury at this revelation ebbs quicker than the tide when something else tries to drown her sister, and Fynn saves her life.(So I'm guessing now the whole dead girls thing is personal, where before she ignored it. Makes sense.) Now, Bridey must work together with the Isle's resident witch (I wish I had a better sense of the witch's personality. Maybe some adjectives would help. Cranky? Eccentric?) and the creature she isn't sure she can trust—because if she can't stop the ancient evil in the water, everyone she loves might walk into the sea, and never return. (Nice tie-in to the first paragraph. But sounds like she'd only lose her female relatives.)
My young adult novel Fear the Drowning Deep, set on the Isle of Man in the early 1900s, is a historical fantasy complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Patricia McKillip’s lyrical fantasies, fans of Meredith Ann Pierce, and to readers who enjoy a supernatural romance. I have completed a detailed outlined for a sequel. I wouldn't have guessed historical, but fantasy for sure. Good word count.
I'm still wondering about the 'strange girl' that disappeared from the 1st paragraph of the query. How does she play back into this? Of course, I took her for the troublemaker, but the author may have meant she rolled in with the tide--dead--which would make her 'a strange dead girl.'
I think this query just has a few things to clarify and it will be a strong query.
Also, if you are thinking of running your own writing contest you might be interested in an interview I gave to Amy Trueblood. It includes the behind the scene details on the difficulties of running a large contest. It's a lot of work for one thing, and there are always hiccups that threaten a host's sleep. You can find the interview here.
On to query #8.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me.
Sixteen-year-old witch's apprentice Bridey Corkill has hated the ocean ever since her granddad dove into it, drowning with a smile on his face. (Nice start!) So when a strange girl rolls in with the tide, Bridey suspects that whatever compelled her granddad to leap into sea has made its return to the Isle of Man. (Still good.) Soon, girls from Bridey’s town are turning up on the beach, waterlogged and lifeless. (You've jumped away from me here. My expectation was a siren as the'strange girl.' But do sirens go after girls or only men? My experience with Homer and Sinbad says men.)
Bridey would love to stay far away from the water, but her errands for the old witch involve frequent trips to the shore, where she searches for everything from soggy eels for nasty pies to sea glass fragments for mysterious spells. One morning, instead of finding what the witch needs, she discovers an unconscious boy with deep gashes in his stomach. In exchange for saving his life, Fynn teaches Bridey how to master her fear of the water—stealing her heart in the process. But the secret surrounding Fynn's existence threatens to unravel his and Bridey’s new romance. (Now I'm wondering where the dead girls went. They disappeared from the story, as did the strange girl who came in with the tide. What I got in the first paragraph isn't carrying through.)
As Bridey confesses (expresses? admits? to avoid repeating the word.) her feelings for him, Fynn confesses the truth: he's a glashtyn, the very thing that might be luring girls to their deaths. (How does that explain her grandfather? Have we got male and female sirens working this beach?) Her fury at this revelation ebbs quicker than the tide when something else tries to drown her sister, and Fynn saves her life.(So I'm guessing now the whole dead girls thing is personal, where before she ignored it. Makes sense.) Now, Bridey must work together with the Isle's resident witch (I wish I had a better sense of the witch's personality. Maybe some adjectives would help. Cranky? Eccentric?) and the creature she isn't sure she can trust—because if she can't stop the ancient evil in the water, everyone she loves might walk into the sea, and never return. (Nice tie-in to the first paragraph. But sounds like she'd only lose her female relatives.)
My young adult novel Fear the Drowning Deep, set on the Isle of Man in the early 1900s, is a historical fantasy complete at 85,000 words. It will appeal to fans of Patricia McKillip’s lyrical fantasies, fans of Meredith Ann Pierce, and to readers who enjoy a supernatural romance. I have completed a detailed outlined for a sequel. I wouldn't have guessed historical, but fantasy for sure. Good word count.
I'm still wondering about the 'strange girl' that disappeared from the 1st paragraph of the query. How does she play back into this? Of course, I took her for the troublemaker, but the author may have meant she rolled in with the tide--dead--which would make her 'a strange dead girl.'
I think this query just has a few things to clarify and it will be a strong query.
