Michelle Hauck's Blog, page 136
July 7, 2013
Fellow Writer Needs Help #7 Revised
The writer of Summer Query Extravaganza #7 needs your help. There is an agent with a wish list of manuscripts with 20th century historical significance. #7 has been revised, but please help out with suggestions and insight so this writer can send a fabulous query to that agent.
The world of the twentieth century teaches Horace to value his white skin, because a black-skinned person never amounts to anything. Never, that is, until a black piano player named Scott Joplin teaches Horace that his world might just be wrong. I would replace the second 'teaches' with 'shows.'
That meeting prompts a lifelong struggle in which Horace learns to fly—with lessons from a pair of Ohio bicycle shop owners—becomes a professional baseball player, befriends pioneers in the theater world, and encounters a civil rights champion who causes Horace to question everything he once believed was true about the colors of human skin. Aerial victories and tragic losses mark every step of Horace’s journey, but ultimately his life and all his travels will come down to one decision ... THE LAST CHANCE. Much better. This is now focused on Horace's journey. Perhaps be more specific about the 'tragic losses.'
THE LAST CHANCE is a 106,000-word historical novel that views the twentieth century through the eyes of a racist caught between his opinion and the truth. Bring a box of tissues. It’s called THE LAST CHANCE for a reason.
THE LAST CHANCE will appeal to fans of Patrick Smith’s A Land Remembered and Pete Hamill’s Forever: A Novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration
The world of the twentieth century teaches Horace to value his white skin, because a black-skinned person never amounts to anything. Never, that is, until a black piano player named Scott Joplin teaches Horace that his world might just be wrong. I would replace the second 'teaches' with 'shows.'
That meeting prompts a lifelong struggle in which Horace learns to fly—with lessons from a pair of Ohio bicycle shop owners—becomes a professional baseball player, befriends pioneers in the theater world, and encounters a civil rights champion who causes Horace to question everything he once believed was true about the colors of human skin. Aerial victories and tragic losses mark every step of Horace’s journey, but ultimately his life and all his travels will come down to one decision ... THE LAST CHANCE. Much better. This is now focused on Horace's journey. Perhaps be more specific about the 'tragic losses.'
THE LAST CHANCE is a 106,000-word historical novel that views the twentieth century through the eyes of a racist caught between his opinion and the truth. Bring a box of tissues. It’s called THE LAST CHANCE for a reason.
THE LAST CHANCE will appeal to fans of Patrick Smith’s A Land Remembered and Pete Hamill’s Forever: A Novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration
July 6, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza Lucky #7
The agent round for Query Kombat is in two days and I need something to keep me occupied. This is the last query in my stockpile so anyone who wants a walloping before Christmas in July starts feel free to let me know.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me. SO here goes, Lucky Query #7:
Dear Mr. Secret Agent Man, Or woman!
As a young man, 115-year-old Horace learned blacks were inferior to whites in every way. Recommend you drop the clause at the front for a sharper start. 115-year-old Horace learned from childhood that blacks... An assumption he never questioned until the day he heard Scott Joplin, a young piano player not being allowed to share a stage with white musicians. Something is off with this sentence. It centers around the 'not.' And it's not an assumption, it's a lesson. You don't have to exactly match your ms, sometimes exaggerating helps. A lesson he fails to question until he witnesses genius piano player Scott Joplin forced off the stage for mediocre white musicians.
Horace emblematizes how much the world has changed, that a young black man, who a hundred years ago was not allowed to play for white men, could now run for president. In this way, the Last Chance shows all the true chances that are the future heritage of America. You've slipped into telling us what the book is about instead of showing the story. This feels more like a wrap-up for the word count paragraph.
Horace Chance’s life reflects the influences of lost friends that have brightened his journey. Whether it be a couple bicycle shop owners from Ohio that teach him all about flight, his short career playing the National pastime, friends that changed our musical theater, or a chance meeting with a champion of civil rights. The tragic loss of loved ones that defined his life, made his life worth a damn, and ultimately left him, The Last Chance. Horace’s life is tragic, but he has made an indelible difference in the souls met along the way. Here again you're telling the story in list fashion. It should be more like a back book cover. What are the stakes for Horace? What does he accomplish and what happens if he fails. I would assume the importance is on him changing. How is it that he changes. Why does he need to? For his family? For himself? To keep pace with the world?
The first paragraph spoke to us as if his journey was still underway. The next two paragraphs darted ahead to the end of his story. You need to keep it as if the way is still undecided.
Horace is shatter by the death of his wife, unable to find his way, until ...He must learn to accept blank or blank will happen to him. He must learn to embrace life or be swallowed in self-pity.
THE LAST CHANCE is a 106,000-word historical novel that transports the reader into the early twentieth century, and won’t let go of them until relived every that monumental century. Seems like some words got lost here. And I doubt the last part adds anything. Bring a box of tissues. Show this above by the tone you use, by the active verbs that describe his loss. It’s titled THE LAST CHANCE for a reason.
Readers that enjoyed national bestsellers A Land Remembered by Patrick Smith and Forever: A Novel by Pete Hamill will enjoy The Last Chance. This is good, shows you read in your genre.
Thank you for your time and consideration. The prize-winning wrap up.
This query needs to stay in keeping with the first paragraph. The query is a mini-story of your bigger story and it needs to entice, even when based on historical facts. I haven't read much historical fiction, but I can compare this to something I do know, Forrest Gump. Forrest met many historical figures, but behind all that was the story of Forrest. You need to focus on the story of Horace--and it rhymes with Forrest, see what I did there--and use the historic parts to highlight him.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before and after you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me. SO here goes, Lucky Query #7:
Dear Mr. Secret Agent Man, Or woman!
As a young man, 115-year-old Horace learned blacks were inferior to whites in every way. Recommend you drop the clause at the front for a sharper start. 115-year-old Horace learned from childhood that blacks... An assumption he never questioned until the day he heard Scott Joplin, a young piano player not being allowed to share a stage with white musicians. Something is off with this sentence. It centers around the 'not.' And it's not an assumption, it's a lesson. You don't have to exactly match your ms, sometimes exaggerating helps. A lesson he fails to question until he witnesses genius piano player Scott Joplin forced off the stage for mediocre white musicians.
Horace emblematizes how much the world has changed, that a young black man, who a hundred years ago was not allowed to play for white men, could now run for president. In this way, the Last Chance shows all the true chances that are the future heritage of America. You've slipped into telling us what the book is about instead of showing the story. This feels more like a wrap-up for the word count paragraph.
Horace Chance’s life reflects the influences of lost friends that have brightened his journey. Whether it be a couple bicycle shop owners from Ohio that teach him all about flight, his short career playing the National pastime, friends that changed our musical theater, or a chance meeting with a champion of civil rights. The tragic loss of loved ones that defined his life, made his life worth a damn, and ultimately left him, The Last Chance. Horace’s life is tragic, but he has made an indelible difference in the souls met along the way. Here again you're telling the story in list fashion. It should be more like a back book cover. What are the stakes for Horace? What does he accomplish and what happens if he fails. I would assume the importance is on him changing. How is it that he changes. Why does he need to? For his family? For himself? To keep pace with the world?
The first paragraph spoke to us as if his journey was still underway. The next two paragraphs darted ahead to the end of his story. You need to keep it as if the way is still undecided.
Horace is shatter by the death of his wife, unable to find his way, until ...He must learn to accept blank or blank will happen to him. He must learn to embrace life or be swallowed in self-pity.
THE LAST CHANCE is a 106,000-word historical novel that transports the reader into the early twentieth century, and won’t let go of them until relived every that monumental century. Seems like some words got lost here. And I doubt the last part adds anything. Bring a box of tissues. Show this above by the tone you use, by the active verbs that describe his loss. It’s titled THE LAST CHANCE for a reason.
Readers that enjoyed national bestsellers A Land Remembered by Patrick Smith and Forever: A Novel by Pete Hamill will enjoy The Last Chance. This is good, shows you read in your genre.
Thank you for your time and consideration. The prize-winning wrap up.
This query needs to stay in keeping with the first paragraph. The query is a mini-story of your bigger story and it needs to entice, even when based on historical facts. I haven't read much historical fiction, but I can compare this to something I do know, Forrest Gump. Forrest met many historical figures, but behind all that was the story of Forrest. You need to focus on the story of Horace--and it rhymes with Forrest, see what I did there--and use the historic parts to highlight him.
July 3, 2013
Welcome the Winning Query Kombat Mentor MarcyKate Connolly!
A big welcome to one of our Query Kombat mentors. MarcyKate coached the Grand Champion, Jungle Vendetta to victory. We had to share her words of wisdom with you.
What did you think when asked to take part in a query contest as a mentor?
It sounded fun! I entered a metric crap-ton (yes, that’s the technical term) of contests when I was querying, so I liked having an opportunity to help other writers still in the trenches.
And did the Query Kombat mentor process go smoothly? I believe you had two MG entries. What didyou love about your entries and how did you make them better?
It went very smoothly. I had two AWESOME mentees who did a fabulous job polishing up their queries and first pages. I loved that they both had such voice (which is really, really hard to do!), and their willingness to take critique (not everyone does this well either, unfortunately). Also, they both had such unique concepts!The first thing I did was ask them to send me their query and the first 5 pages of their manuscript. Even though the judging was only on the first page, I wanted to get a fuller sense of the opening. Beginnings are hard, and sometimes the right starting point isn’t until later on. Luckily both mentees had found a starting place that did feel right to me.
Most of my feedback was centered around the query – they’re the hardest to master and it’s hard to be objective about one’s own. I pointed out some areas that were confusing to me or where I thought we needed more information, as well as some suggestions for moving certain hooky bits further up to the beginning. I think they both did stellar work with them, and I’m just delighted to see the judges agreed with me on Jungle Vendetta J
Did you enter contests when you were back in the query stage? And how did you eventually snag such a fantastic agent?
Oh yes, I may have earned the nickname “Contest Queen” among my inner circle… I love pitch contests, I think they’re a fantastic way of getting your work out there and even if it doesn’t win the contest, it still gets exposure and can lead to other opportunities. For instance, I had a few agents who remembered my pitch from a contest and tracked down my website to ask for pages or to query them with my next book (and they weren’t even schmagents!). Putting yourself out there is an important part of the process, so you may as well get working on that now. Also these contests put you in touch with the online writing community, which is INVALUABLE.
However, despite my deep and abiding love of contests, I got my agent the old fashioned way – the slush pile.
Did you do a cartwheel or run around the house like crazy when you got your agent offer? Same with your publisher? We want to experience it through you!
I think I was mostly in shock when I got my first agent offer (almost a year ago!). It was very surreal to have an agent actually want to talk to me after querying three other manuscripts and getting hundreds of NOs over the course of several years. There was a lot of re-reading of emails, squeeing, and trying to convince myself that yes this was really happening. And then Suzie offered (after reading my manuscript in 24 hours – she’s a speed demon!), and another agent offered too, making three total. When you’re querying this sounds ridiculously glamorous, but in reality it’s very stressful! (Obviously, also awesome). Especially when they’re all great agents who love your book. But really, I couldn’t imagine *not* signing with Suzie, so I did. Best. Decision. Ever. J
The first publishing offer was a little different. Suzie sent the manuscript to a bunch of editors on a Thursday afternoon and by Monday we already had interest from two. I was determined not to get my hopes up too high because interest doesn’t always translate to a book deal – it means the editor loves it, but now they need to convince a room full of people to love it too. I figured it would be a long haul, so while I was thrilled, I tried not to panic about it too much.
Then that Friday came along and it was the worst day ever. I had the first non-raving performance review of my life, despite working crazy hours on a regular basis, and spent much of the day crying and panicking in the bathroom afraid I was going to get fired (spoiler: I didn’t). At some point, I tweeted something along the lines of Dear Universe: if you have anything good coming my way, there’s no better time than now. And wouldn’t you know? Less than hour later I got call from Suzie – she’d seen my tweet and had just received some news that she thought might cheer me up: HarperCollins wanted to buy my book! (spoiler: IT SO DID CHEER ME UP). Needless to say, this catapulted me to the opposite side of the emotional spectrum, and there were many more tears shed that afternoon, but of the joyful variety. In short, I was a bit of a wreck that day! (Moral of the story: sometimes, the Universe answers. Also, ice cream sundaes for dinner make everything a little brighter J)
I know you have an MG yourself, Monstrous, that will be published next year. Tell us a little about it and share if you have a release date yet.
MONSTROUS is an upper MG fantasy that’s Frankenstein meets the Brothers Grimm told from the viewpoint of the monster as a teenage girl. There’s a slightly longer description on Goodreads if you like. I don’t have an exact date yet, but it is currently scheduled for Winter 2015.
What is an important difference between the YA voice and MG voice?
Ah geez, you had to ask this didn’t you? Honestly, it’s a I-know-it-when-I-see-it thing, especially since there’s a whole range of voice types for both YA and MG.
Generally speaking though, I think MG tends to be more internally focused on the main character, who they’re becoming and their place in their particular sphere, whereas YA tends to encompass those things but also with an eye to how the main character fits into the society/world at large. But as with all generalizations, there’s plenty of exceptions J
We’d love to have you back as a mentor next time. Are you up for it?
YES, absolutely! It was fun!
Bio: MarcyKate Connolly is an author and arts administrator who lives in New England with her husband and pugs and writes weird little books. She’s also a coffee addict, voracious reader, and recurring commuter. She blogs about all those things and more at MarcyKate.com, and can often be found on Twitter. Her work is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary & Media, and her debut upper MG fantasy novel, MONSTROUS, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in Winter 2015.
Social Media Links:
WebsiteTwitterTumblr GoodreadsFacebook
And remember the SWEET 16 starts July 8th. The top sixteen Query Kombat finalists will go before agents and hopefully get tons of requests!
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What did you think when asked to take part in a query contest as a mentor?
It sounded fun! I entered a metric crap-ton (yes, that’s the technical term) of contests when I was querying, so I liked having an opportunity to help other writers still in the trenches.
And did the Query Kombat mentor process go smoothly? I believe you had two MG entries. What didyou love about your entries and how did you make them better?
It went very smoothly. I had two AWESOME mentees who did a fabulous job polishing up their queries and first pages. I loved that they both had such voice (which is really, really hard to do!), and their willingness to take critique (not everyone does this well either, unfortunately). Also, they both had such unique concepts!The first thing I did was ask them to send me their query and the first 5 pages of their manuscript. Even though the judging was only on the first page, I wanted to get a fuller sense of the opening. Beginnings are hard, and sometimes the right starting point isn’t until later on. Luckily both mentees had found a starting place that did feel right to me.
Most of my feedback was centered around the query – they’re the hardest to master and it’s hard to be objective about one’s own. I pointed out some areas that were confusing to me or where I thought we needed more information, as well as some suggestions for moving certain hooky bits further up to the beginning. I think they both did stellar work with them, and I’m just delighted to see the judges agreed with me on Jungle Vendetta J
Did you enter contests when you were back in the query stage? And how did you eventually snag such a fantastic agent?
Oh yes, I may have earned the nickname “Contest Queen” among my inner circle… I love pitch contests, I think they’re a fantastic way of getting your work out there and even if it doesn’t win the contest, it still gets exposure and can lead to other opportunities. For instance, I had a few agents who remembered my pitch from a contest and tracked down my website to ask for pages or to query them with my next book (and they weren’t even schmagents!). Putting yourself out there is an important part of the process, so you may as well get working on that now. Also these contests put you in touch with the online writing community, which is INVALUABLE.
However, despite my deep and abiding love of contests, I got my agent the old fashioned way – the slush pile.
Did you do a cartwheel or run around the house like crazy when you got your agent offer? Same with your publisher? We want to experience it through you!
I think I was mostly in shock when I got my first agent offer (almost a year ago!). It was very surreal to have an agent actually want to talk to me after querying three other manuscripts and getting hundreds of NOs over the course of several years. There was a lot of re-reading of emails, squeeing, and trying to convince myself that yes this was really happening. And then Suzie offered (after reading my manuscript in 24 hours – she’s a speed demon!), and another agent offered too, making three total. When you’re querying this sounds ridiculously glamorous, but in reality it’s very stressful! (Obviously, also awesome). Especially when they’re all great agents who love your book. But really, I couldn’t imagine *not* signing with Suzie, so I did. Best. Decision. Ever. J
The first publishing offer was a little different. Suzie sent the manuscript to a bunch of editors on a Thursday afternoon and by Monday we already had interest from two. I was determined not to get my hopes up too high because interest doesn’t always translate to a book deal – it means the editor loves it, but now they need to convince a room full of people to love it too. I figured it would be a long haul, so while I was thrilled, I tried not to panic about it too much.
Then that Friday came along and it was the worst day ever. I had the first non-raving performance review of my life, despite working crazy hours on a regular basis, and spent much of the day crying and panicking in the bathroom afraid I was going to get fired (spoiler: I didn’t). At some point, I tweeted something along the lines of Dear Universe: if you have anything good coming my way, there’s no better time than now. And wouldn’t you know? Less than hour later I got call from Suzie – she’d seen my tweet and had just received some news that she thought might cheer me up: HarperCollins wanted to buy my book! (spoiler: IT SO DID CHEER ME UP). Needless to say, this catapulted me to the opposite side of the emotional spectrum, and there were many more tears shed that afternoon, but of the joyful variety. In short, I was a bit of a wreck that day! (Moral of the story: sometimes, the Universe answers. Also, ice cream sundaes for dinner make everything a little brighter J)
I know you have an MG yourself, Monstrous, that will be published next year. Tell us a little about it and share if you have a release date yet.
MONSTROUS is an upper MG fantasy that’s Frankenstein meets the Brothers Grimm told from the viewpoint of the monster as a teenage girl. There’s a slightly longer description on Goodreads if you like. I don’t have an exact date yet, but it is currently scheduled for Winter 2015.
What is an important difference between the YA voice and MG voice?
Ah geez, you had to ask this didn’t you? Honestly, it’s a I-know-it-when-I-see-it thing, especially since there’s a whole range of voice types for both YA and MG.
Generally speaking though, I think MG tends to be more internally focused on the main character, who they’re becoming and their place in their particular sphere, whereas YA tends to encompass those things but also with an eye to how the main character fits into the society/world at large. But as with all generalizations, there’s plenty of exceptions J
We’d love to have you back as a mentor next time. Are you up for it?
YES, absolutely! It was fun!
Bio: MarcyKate Connolly is an author and arts administrator who lives in New England with her husband and pugs and writes weird little books. She’s also a coffee addict, voracious reader, and recurring commuter. She blogs about all those things and more at MarcyKate.com, and can often be found on Twitter. Her work is represented by Suzie Townsend of New Leaf Literary & Media, and her debut upper MG fantasy novel, MONSTROUS, will be published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in Winter 2015.
Social Media Links:
WebsiteTwitterTumblr GoodreadsFacebook
And remember the SWEET 16 starts July 8th. The top sixteen Query Kombat finalists will go before agents and hopefully get tons of requests!
Cover Release for Summer's Edge with Frost and Fog
As some of you may know, I had a short story accept by The Elephant's Bookshelf Press for their summer anthology called Summer's Edge, which releases July 15th. However, few people know that they received so many excellent stories that the summer anthology will have TWO volumes!
Volume 1
The theme of these stories is short term relationships or relationships at an end, but I'll use Matt Sinclair's description as he said it best.
"As much as we all like to think about what might have been, we all know that not all relationships were meant to last. For you, perhaps it was a May to September romance that still tastes sweet, or a one-night stand that lasted too long, or maybe the haunting pain associated with a parent or child who died too young.
In the next anthology from Elephant's Bookshelf Press, we explore the short-term relationship.
For the summer edition of our four-season series, we are looking for stories that share a love or relationship that is or appears to be short-lived or not long for this world."
Given that description one would think romance or family relationships. I'm sure many of the stories will follow that direction. Naturally, I went against the grain.
Frost and Fog is a prequel to my epic fantasy, Kindar's Cure, and it has nothing to do with love or family. Set thousands of years from the time period of my epic, Frost and Fog relates how the religious worship in this world was established by a chance meeting of lumberjacks. It explores the ending of one type of life as a new one begins.
And it will be in fabulous company in volume two of the anthology, Summer's Double Edge, which also releases July 15th.
Volume 2You can find out more about the Summer's Edge Volumes on twitter using the hashtag #EBPchat. Find it on Goodreads. I am so excited to be part of this group of writers and all the proceeds of these books goes to charity.
Volume 1The theme of these stories is short term relationships or relationships at an end, but I'll use Matt Sinclair's description as he said it best.
"As much as we all like to think about what might have been, we all know that not all relationships were meant to last. For you, perhaps it was a May to September romance that still tastes sweet, or a one-night stand that lasted too long, or maybe the haunting pain associated with a parent or child who died too young.
In the next anthology from Elephant's Bookshelf Press, we explore the short-term relationship.
For the summer edition of our four-season series, we are looking for stories that share a love or relationship that is or appears to be short-lived or not long for this world."
Given that description one would think romance or family relationships. I'm sure many of the stories will follow that direction. Naturally, I went against the grain.
Frost and Fog is a prequel to my epic fantasy, Kindar's Cure, and it has nothing to do with love or family. Set thousands of years from the time period of my epic, Frost and Fog relates how the religious worship in this world was established by a chance meeting of lumberjacks. It explores the ending of one type of life as a new one begins.
And it will be in fabulous company in volume two of the anthology, Summer's Double Edge, which also releases July 15th.
Volume 2You can find out more about the Summer's Edge Volumes on twitter using the hashtag #EBPchat. Find it on Goodreads. I am so excited to be part of this group of writers and all the proceeds of these books goes to charity. July 2, 2013
Interview with Query Kombat Grand Champion Chris von Halle
You knew him as Jungle Vendetta, slayer of all who came against him. Survivor of five head to head query battles. Ultimate Query Kombat Grand Champion. Here is his story:
The judges went wild over your story of a boy and his uncle stranded on a dangerous safari. Tell us a little about the plot and characters of Savage Jungle.
My protag Kreith is a technologically savvy videogame lover without an ounce of muscle and who is a bit of a wimp. He looks up to his Uncle Tonas, who plays opposite him as the big, macho tough-guy, and it’s through Kreith’s adventures in the jungle that he finds out what true toughness is and how useful his own strengths are. Plot-wise, he and Uncle Tonas get stranded in the jungle by a man out for revenge on Uncle Tonas (wrong place, wrong time for Kreith), and they need to survive not only the lethal animals, but ultimately this vengeful sicko himself.
What inspired you to write it?
Oh, man…that’s a tough one haha. I think most of the time I have no idea where my story ideas come from. They usually just plop in my brain somehow, and the ones I love enough I start to write. But I love sci/fi and survival stories, so it’s easy to see how this one came to be J
Have you written other stories and is middle grade and science fiction your preferred genre? How long have you been writing?
I’ve been writing stories ever since I can remember, but didn’t start writing “seriously” (with the intention of publication) until about five years ago. I always wrote fantasy, and thought for a while that middle-grade was my preferred genre, but surprised myself when I recently finished the rough draft of a YA dystopian, and I have an idea for an NA fantasy book that I’m pretty excited about.
How many drafts of your query did you go through and did you get any help from other writers prior to Query Kombat?
A LOT of drafts (too many to recall haha). And yes—lots of help prior to the contest. I have a beloved group of friends I met during my Writing Popular Fiction MFA program at Seton Hill University (we call ourselves The Troublemakers), and we’re constantly critiquing each other’s work/queries. This query has also been critiqued by crit partners I’ve met online who have really helped chisel it into shape.
What was your favorite/most helpful part of Query Kombat?
This is tough to say—the whole thing was fantastic! However, I think my favorite part was working with a mentor to really hone and improve my entry, and then having that entry go back into the crazy, frenzied battle that is Query Kombat! Also—all the great feedback from judges, mentors, and fellow kompetitors alike at all stages of the tournament was incredible.
How was the Query Kombat experience and how did you survive all those rounds without going crazy?
It was a fantastic experience, and I’m so happy to have been a part of it. It’s awesome being part of this wonderful writing community, and, like I said, getting all that helpful feedback from judges and fellow entrants right from the first round was so beneficial. It was a win-win no matter what ;)
Any words of wisdom for everyone in the query trenches?
It sounds so clichéd, but it’s really a matter of not giving up, continuing to stick it out and get better, both when it comes to sharpening your query and writing in general. The more advice you get (and give) and the longer you’re at the game, the more things stick and obviously the more you improve. You never know when it will all come together for you, and at the end of the day, no matter what, you can be proud of being a better writer than you were before!
We would love to have you as a judge for the next Query Kombat. Would you come back next year and do some voting?[image error]
Sure. I’d love to come back. It really has been such a great experience, and once again I thank the hosts, judges, mentors, and all the great kompetitors for such an awesome tournament! See you next year J
About Chris von Halle:
I’m an aspiring fantasy and science fiction writer. I recently obtained my MFA in Writing Popular Fiction from Seton Hill University, and I live in the otherwordly realm of Mendham, NJ. Feel free to visit my blog at: http://chrisvonhalle.blogspot.com/ or give me a shout-out on Twitter at: @ChrisvonHalle.
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The judges went wild over your story of a boy and his uncle stranded on a dangerous safari. Tell us a little about the plot and characters of Savage Jungle.
My protag Kreith is a technologically savvy videogame lover without an ounce of muscle and who is a bit of a wimp. He looks up to his Uncle Tonas, who plays opposite him as the big, macho tough-guy, and it’s through Kreith’s adventures in the jungle that he finds out what true toughness is and how useful his own strengths are. Plot-wise, he and Uncle Tonas get stranded in the jungle by a man out for revenge on Uncle Tonas (wrong place, wrong time for Kreith), and they need to survive not only the lethal animals, but ultimately this vengeful sicko himself.
What inspired you to write it?
Oh, man…that’s a tough one haha. I think most of the time I have no idea where my story ideas come from. They usually just plop in my brain somehow, and the ones I love enough I start to write. But I love sci/fi and survival stories, so it’s easy to see how this one came to be J
Have you written other stories and is middle grade and science fiction your preferred genre? How long have you been writing?
I’ve been writing stories ever since I can remember, but didn’t start writing “seriously” (with the intention of publication) until about five years ago. I always wrote fantasy, and thought for a while that middle-grade was my preferred genre, but surprised myself when I recently finished the rough draft of a YA dystopian, and I have an idea for an NA fantasy book that I’m pretty excited about.
How many drafts of your query did you go through and did you get any help from other writers prior to Query Kombat?
A LOT of drafts (too many to recall haha). And yes—lots of help prior to the contest. I have a beloved group of friends I met during my Writing Popular Fiction MFA program at Seton Hill University (we call ourselves The Troublemakers), and we’re constantly critiquing each other’s work/queries. This query has also been critiqued by crit partners I’ve met online who have really helped chisel it into shape.
What was your favorite/most helpful part of Query Kombat?
This is tough to say—the whole thing was fantastic! However, I think my favorite part was working with a mentor to really hone and improve my entry, and then having that entry go back into the crazy, frenzied battle that is Query Kombat! Also—all the great feedback from judges, mentors, and fellow kompetitors alike at all stages of the tournament was incredible.
How was the Query Kombat experience and how did you survive all those rounds without going crazy?
It was a fantastic experience, and I’m so happy to have been a part of it. It’s awesome being part of this wonderful writing community, and, like I said, getting all that helpful feedback from judges and fellow entrants right from the first round was so beneficial. It was a win-win no matter what ;)
Any words of wisdom for everyone in the query trenches?
It sounds so clichéd, but it’s really a matter of not giving up, continuing to stick it out and get better, both when it comes to sharpening your query and writing in general. The more advice you get (and give) and the longer you’re at the game, the more things stick and obviously the more you improve. You never know when it will all come together for you, and at the end of the day, no matter what, you can be proud of being a better writer than you were before!
We would love to have you as a judge for the next Query Kombat. Would you come back next year and do some voting?[image error]
Sure. I’d love to come back. It really has been such a great experience, and once again I thank the hosts, judges, mentors, and all the great kompetitors for such an awesome tournament! See you next year J
About Chris von Halle:
I’m an aspiring fantasy and science fiction writer. I recently obtained my MFA in Writing Popular Fiction from Seton Hill University, and I live in the otherwordly realm of Mendham, NJ. Feel free to visit my blog at: http://chrisvonhalle.blogspot.com/ or give me a shout-out on Twitter at: @ChrisvonHalle.
July 1, 2013
Summer Query Extravaganza #6
While waiting on the Grand Champion's interview from Query Kombat, I thought I'd squeeze in a query. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day to shred a query. Just kidding. Maybe.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me. SO here goes, Query #6.
I think this query is missing a clear set of stakes. All I know is that the mastermind is stealing artifacts and this may cost Gavin his friends. If their lives are in danger be clear about how. Maybe Louis likes to collect hacker's thumbs. Maybe he has a cement mixed and ain't afraid to drop people in it.
A book about a young hacker sounds like a fun, fast-paced adventure, but that is not coming through yet in this query. It's very close, but not quite there.
To become my next participant you need only comment on the queries that come before you and contact me on twitter to volunteer for sacrifice this valuable opportunity.
Please keep in mind that I'm no query guru, but I have read a considerable amount of query slush thanks to Query Kombat. (And that is a lot of repeating of the word query.) I might have an edge on what works and what doesn't. But as in all such critiquing, the suggestions are mainly subjective. Or in other words, take it with a grain of salt and see if others agree with me. SO here goes, Query #6.
Dear ______________, (Blank is my favorite agent!)
Fifteen year-old Gavin (Gavin is one of my favorite names. I deny it has anything to do with Gavin DeGraw.) is suave, commanding, and brilliant... until he logs off the internet and reality reveals the opposite(Why not use something specific here? ...until he logs off the internet and can't look people in the eye). Swearing off computer hacking (Where did hacking come in? I assumed he's trolling chat rooms. That's the problem with not being specific.) , he’s accepted to the prestigious and mysterious (Secretive might be a better word.) Edgar Doyle Institute of Criminology where he and three new friends stumble upon the work of a criminal mastermind. They’re soon tangled in the web of a secret society bent on stealing precious relics of American History (like the Liberty Bell. George Washington's recipe for root beer. Specifics.).
Thirsty to prove that he has what it takes to make it in the Institute, Gavin gets back behind the computer to find (repeat on 'find.' locate? track?) the mastermind. Gavin and his friends quickly find themselves in over their heads against a violent group of thieves with the infamous Louis Von Deaux at the helm.(Okay. Why call him the mastermind then suddenly name him? He's not a real person. The reader isn't going to go 'ah ha! I knew it!' There's no reason to spring the name on us. And infamous doesn't tell us much about him. Specifics. What does he do that is violent. That would also help with the stakes.) But when the friends realize one of their dads is in on the robberies, loyalties are frayed and their newly-formed friendship is put to the test. Hiding behind the anonymity of the computer can only take Gavin so far; (Yikes. Avoid the semi-colon. Straight sharp sentences in a query.) to save their lives, he'll have to bring the confident persona he wears on the net into real life before time runs out. (I'm not seeing why their lives are in danger. You've failed to give us a specific threat to the mc and his friends. What does it mean 'time runs out'? Runs out on what? It's cliche and super ominous. Stealing historical items is hardly a threat to the world.)
SHADOWS OF LIBERTY is the first in a series of four books told in first person POV through Gavin and his three friends.(It's nice you have a series. Many agents like that. It might not be so nice they are already written. An agent might be thinking why is this author just now trying to get an agent. It smells of newbie. Stick with has 'series potential' or maybe 'is the first in a planned series of four...) I have written several articles for the Levittown Tribune and have a Master’s Degree in English Literature. When I’m not writing, I’m teaching in Levittown, NY.
If you would like to read more about Shadows of Liberty, I have a completed manuscript waiting upon your request.(This is assumed. Where is the word count? I'm sure agents are going to suspect there is something iffy about the count if it is not here. And I don't know the genre. YA thriller maybe?) I thank you for your time and consideration. I can be reached at *redacted* (The personal information usually goes after your name.)
Thank you,
I think this query is missing a clear set of stakes. All I know is that the mastermind is stealing artifacts and this may cost Gavin his friends. If their lives are in danger be clear about how. Maybe Louis likes to collect hacker's thumbs. Maybe he has a cement mixed and ain't afraid to drop people in it.
A book about a young hacker sounds like a fun, fast-paced adventure, but that is not coming through yet in this query. It's very close, but not quite there.
June 30, 2013
Query Kombat Picks
I had a request to spill the beans on all my picks for Query Kombat. Writers have that 'need to know' syndrome. Closure and all that. I've certainly been there myself so I can sympathise. Plus, I'm sure there have been guesses and you'd like to establish whether those guesses are correct so you can feel smug. (I also like to feel smug.)
I just want to say that I loved all of the entries in Query Kombat. It was a very tough competition, hard to choose between them. Every week I had to vote against entries I really loved, both my picks and the picks of Mike and SC.
So to the best of my memory (because I lost my list), here are my picks in no particular order:
Burrito Thief
Avenging Angels
Wytchcraft
Whispering Willows
Too Many Legs
Jungle Vendetta
Interstellar Pez
Wishwell
Zombie Barber
One-Eyed Cat
Space Mafia
Minna Gray
Not Odette
Damned
To Die For
Dream Pirates
Spirit Slayer
Repo Girl
Mississippi Crazypants
Knight in Shining Armani
History Hound
Sway Me Buble was my best nickname pick.
Please, please let me know on twitter or by email if you have any luck on your query journey. This goes for all the Kombatants. If you get a full request, an offer, or have any other success with your revised query let us know. We'd like to brag about your success and all the hosts would really like to cheer for you. Best of luck, and I believe Mike has plans to repeat this contest in the future.
And speaking of bragging: Mike, SC who pick three of the top four Kombatants? Who's the queen of contest picks? What's that I can't hear you bowing down to me! Sorry, I just had to get that out there again.
June 29, 2013
Crutch or Clutch Words--Put Them in the Trash
There are words out there I call crutch words because they pop up repeatedly in stories, as if the writer is leaning on them. I also call them clutch words because they are words a writer clings to, even when keeping them makes no sense.
Crutch words are filler. They float along in the sentence, but they add nothing to its meaning. Nothing except a ratcheted word count. They cause wordy sentences. Bet your bottom dollar that an agent will recognize them for what they are--a waste of space. And we are all guilty of them. Many times, they creep in without the writer being aware.
So what are these crutch words and how can a person recognize them. Some of the biggest abusers are: just, very, only, even, that. And they also include a whole host of directional prepositions such as up, down, back. (Back being my own personal kryptonite. It's embarrassing but my first manuscript's word cloud had "back" in huge letters.)
While it's not possible to keep them from a first draft, an editing run through is the perfect place to track and eliminate these crutch words. For some reason these words have a deep place in writer's hearts (especially just), but you have to be ruthless.
What's that? You don't even think it is fair to cut out all your very favorite words. It's not like they add up to so much more word count. It's just the way you write. Editing is only for losers and people that don't have a life.
So my example is extreme but you get the idea. How does that look without the crutch words?
What? You don't think it is fair to cut your favorite words. It's not like they add so much word count. It's the way your write. Editing is for losers and people without a life.
People sometimes add crutch words to dialogue to achieve a particular voice, usually a younger voice or an uneducated one. Remember, too much of it and you are going to drive your readers crazy.
Be aware and don't let the crutch words have control.
Confess. What is your crutch word kryptonite?
June 26, 2013
Cover Reveal for Query Kombat Judge Lizzy Charles
I'm thrilled to reveal the cover for EFFORTLESS WITH YOU of our dedicated Query Kombat judge, Lizzy Charles. This lady has gone out of her way to ensure Query Kombat is a success, including encouraging her agent to take part. She is one of those writers that loves to give back and help her fellow writers. I'm so glad to be able to do something for her in return. And her cover is simply beautiful.
Effortless With You:School is out and Lucy is ready for the perfect summer: lazy days at the pool, invitations to the most exclusive parties, and romantic dates with her hot new boyfriend. That is, until she lands in trouble one too many times and her parents issue the ultimate punishment: a summer job. Suddenly, the summer can't end fast enough. To make matters worse, the job is painting houses with Justin, the most popular, egotistical guy in school. Spending all summer with Justin might be other girls' dreams, but definitely not Lucy's. After all, Justin is cocky, annoying, and a jerk. So what if he's the most beautiful jerk Lucy's ever seen? Or that his grin makes her forget she’s mad at the world? Or that maybe, just maybe, there's more to Justin than Lucy realizes. Only one thing is certain: it won’t be the summer she wanted, but it might be exactly the one she needs.
About Lizzy Charles:
When Lizzy Charles isn’t scrambling to raise her two spunky toddlers or caring for premature and sick babies as a neonatal intensive care nurse, she’s in a quiet corner writing or snuggled up with a novel and a few squares of dark chocolate. Black tea keeps her constant and she loves guacamole. She married her high school sweet heart, a heart-melting musician, so it’s no surprise she’s fallen in love with writing contemporary YA romance novels.
Social Media:Lizzy Charles on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lizzy-Charles/398829673547005?ref=hlBlog: https://twitter.com/LizzyCharles_Twitter: https://twitter.com/LizzyCharles_ Effortless With You on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18129111-effortless-with-you
Effortless With You:School is out and Lucy is ready for the perfect summer: lazy days at the pool, invitations to the most exclusive parties, and romantic dates with her hot new boyfriend. That is, until she lands in trouble one too many times and her parents issue the ultimate punishment: a summer job. Suddenly, the summer can't end fast enough. To make matters worse, the job is painting houses with Justin, the most popular, egotistical guy in school. Spending all summer with Justin might be other girls' dreams, but definitely not Lucy's. After all, Justin is cocky, annoying, and a jerk. So what if he's the most beautiful jerk Lucy's ever seen? Or that his grin makes her forget she’s mad at the world? Or that maybe, just maybe, there's more to Justin than Lucy realizes. Only one thing is certain: it won’t be the summer she wanted, but it might be exactly the one she needs.
About Lizzy Charles:
When Lizzy Charles isn’t scrambling to raise her two spunky toddlers or caring for premature and sick babies as a neonatal intensive care nurse, she’s in a quiet corner writing or snuggled up with a novel and a few squares of dark chocolate. Black tea keeps her constant and she loves guacamole. She married her high school sweet heart, a heart-melting musician, so it’s no surprise she’s fallen in love with writing contemporary YA romance novels. Social Media:Lizzy Charles on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Lizzy-Charles/398829673547005?ref=hlBlog: https://twitter.com/LizzyCharles_Twitter: https://twitter.com/LizzyCharles_ Effortless With You on Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18129111-effortless-with-you
June 20, 2013
QK Round 4: Elementary Girl versus Supergeeker
Entry Nickname: Elementary Girl
Title: However Improbable
Word count: 72,000
Genre: YA Alt History Mystery
Query:
“People see, but they do not observe.” And to Marigny Sheridan, that is elementary. The Saturday night Sherlock Holmes radio broadcast is a staple in the Sheridan household for one simple reason: deciphering people provides all the entertainment she’ll ever need. That is until the Queen’s 50th Jubilee Contest twists the knickers of every eligible teenager in the Empire, and Marigny is unexpectedly selected to become the Colonies' new Saturday night entertainment.
Marigny has no interest in some cockamamie contest. After all, there’s no need for celebration when the British Empire is still going strong well into the 21st century. All she cares about is that her fellow contestants are easy to read. Especially the bitchtastically annoying girl from Australia and the street-smart player from Hong Kong. But as soon as she settles in, her Sherlock senses start to tingle. Something doesn’t smell right. And it’s not the smog over London.
The contest wouldn’t be so ridiculous if she could win riches to support her family. But no, the prize is marriage and Marigny isn’t quite ready for that yet. Even if it is to an heir to the throne.
The only boy she bothers to trifle with is Simon Whitaker, a cocky Islander with a dashing smile and slick charm. In the midst of lock picking the contest host's hotel room and butting heads with constables, they discover someone is pulling the contest strings. But when Marigny unearths an Empire secret, she must either bury her inner Sherlock to avoid exile or follow her hunch and lose Simon forever. As far as Marigny's concerned, winning is just as bad as losing.
First 250 words:
Given the time I’d had to consider it, I would much rather be sentenced to death. Poison or hanging, I had no preference. Yes, it’d be slow and agonizing, but really, that would be merciful compared to what they had in store for me. I wish I hadn’t ever won the damn Sweepstakes for the Colonies. Really, I wish I had listened to my gut and stayed in Maryland.
"Marigny Sheridan,” the brown haired man said, catching my attention. Mostly because he butchered my name. Mare-ig-nee? He said it like I was some horse and iguana hybrid. I wanted to say, “The ‘g’ is silent, idiot,” but I doubted that would have helped my case. I swear he even smelled holier-than-thou, like some volatile mix of expensive perfumes and the dirty stench money leaves on your hand.
With a sharp breath, the man said, “Before we proceed, do you have anything to say for yourself?” If I spoke, it would undoubtedly seal the likelihood of my exile.
Gazing down at the sloppy clothes I’d thrown on that morning, only one thought came to mind: “I wish I could go out in something a bit more flattering.” But then again, I was all out of wishes at that point.
Versus
Entry Nickname: Supergeeker
Title: SUPERGEEK
Word Count: 60,000 words
Genre: YA Fantasy
Query:
Fifteen-year-old Talis Brooks has been called a lot of things. Geek. Sad Virgin. Chesty McNoBoobs. But when puberty kicks in overnight, Talis doesn’t just go up a cup size, she gains the strength and agility of a superhero. Suddenly she can toss around 250-pound bullies, fight like a ninja and her butt totally fills out her jeans.
Talis knows what could happen if she doesn’t keep her new powers a secret (government conspiracies! Lab experiments on her brain! Uncomfortable probing!) But when pretty boy Cole is almost stabbed by rogue band geeks, a masked Talis can’t help but save him. Cole and his friends have become targets of a mysterious gang of social misfits, out to take down the popular elite. With her classmates in danger, Talis creates a secret identity to protect them-- even the mean evil bitches out to socially destroy her.
Now Talis is stuck in a love triangle between her, Cole, and her superhero alter ego, her every super move is being tracked and tweeted, and, oh yeah, there’s that psychotic gang situation.
As the gang’s attacks spiral out of control, Talis must figure out a way to stop them before someone, you know. . . dies.
First 250 words:
I just don’t want to die. Of humiliation. Besides getting straight A’s, that’s pretty much my only goal this year.
Coach Marshall, evil fiend in tiny man shorts, is out to thwart my plans. When he divides us up for volleyball, he puts me in with the Beautiful People. This is not where I belong.
Marshall busts me sneaking onto my usual court—the one with my asthmatic friend Jane, Weird Cape Billy and the kid wearing a helmet. My people. He waves me over to the last court. “Talis, I told you, you’re over there today.”
“Coach—” I say, but he’s already moved on, yelling at two freshmen beating each other with the soft baseball bats.
Obviously whoever made PE mandatory isn’t an easy bleeder with little to no physical coordination. I put it off until sophomore year, hoping I’d get breasts before having to engage in the horror of group showers. Unfortunately, puberty is eluding me.
I take my time walking over. I pull up my gym shorts, which are always sliding down, even with the top rolled. I try to look busy, pretending to read the safety guidelines listed on the wall. While I’m admiring the rules and regulations, I get a weird tingly feeling on the back of my neck, like someone’s staring at me. When I look, I lock eyes with just about the worst person possible.
“Are you lost little girl?” Shawna Soto, tyrant of the sophomore class, master of the well-timed slut bomb, purveyor of eating disorders, is talking to me.
Title: However Improbable
Word count: 72,000
Genre: YA Alt History Mystery
Query:
“People see, but they do not observe.” And to Marigny Sheridan, that is elementary. The Saturday night Sherlock Holmes radio broadcast is a staple in the Sheridan household for one simple reason: deciphering people provides all the entertainment she’ll ever need. That is until the Queen’s 50th Jubilee Contest twists the knickers of every eligible teenager in the Empire, and Marigny is unexpectedly selected to become the Colonies' new Saturday night entertainment.
Marigny has no interest in some cockamamie contest. After all, there’s no need for celebration when the British Empire is still going strong well into the 21st century. All she cares about is that her fellow contestants are easy to read. Especially the bitchtastically annoying girl from Australia and the street-smart player from Hong Kong. But as soon as she settles in, her Sherlock senses start to tingle. Something doesn’t smell right. And it’s not the smog over London.
The contest wouldn’t be so ridiculous if she could win riches to support her family. But no, the prize is marriage and Marigny isn’t quite ready for that yet. Even if it is to an heir to the throne.
The only boy she bothers to trifle with is Simon Whitaker, a cocky Islander with a dashing smile and slick charm. In the midst of lock picking the contest host's hotel room and butting heads with constables, they discover someone is pulling the contest strings. But when Marigny unearths an Empire secret, she must either bury her inner Sherlock to avoid exile or follow her hunch and lose Simon forever. As far as Marigny's concerned, winning is just as bad as losing.
First 250 words:
Given the time I’d had to consider it, I would much rather be sentenced to death. Poison or hanging, I had no preference. Yes, it’d be slow and agonizing, but really, that would be merciful compared to what they had in store for me. I wish I hadn’t ever won the damn Sweepstakes for the Colonies. Really, I wish I had listened to my gut and stayed in Maryland.
"Marigny Sheridan,” the brown haired man said, catching my attention. Mostly because he butchered my name. Mare-ig-nee? He said it like I was some horse and iguana hybrid. I wanted to say, “The ‘g’ is silent, idiot,” but I doubted that would have helped my case. I swear he even smelled holier-than-thou, like some volatile mix of expensive perfumes and the dirty stench money leaves on your hand.
With a sharp breath, the man said, “Before we proceed, do you have anything to say for yourself?” If I spoke, it would undoubtedly seal the likelihood of my exile.
Gazing down at the sloppy clothes I’d thrown on that morning, only one thought came to mind: “I wish I could go out in something a bit more flattering.” But then again, I was all out of wishes at that point.
Versus
Entry Nickname: Supergeeker
Title: SUPERGEEK
Word Count: 60,000 words
Genre: YA Fantasy
Query:
Fifteen-year-old Talis Brooks has been called a lot of things. Geek. Sad Virgin. Chesty McNoBoobs. But when puberty kicks in overnight, Talis doesn’t just go up a cup size, she gains the strength and agility of a superhero. Suddenly she can toss around 250-pound bullies, fight like a ninja and her butt totally fills out her jeans.
Talis knows what could happen if she doesn’t keep her new powers a secret (government conspiracies! Lab experiments on her brain! Uncomfortable probing!) But when pretty boy Cole is almost stabbed by rogue band geeks, a masked Talis can’t help but save him. Cole and his friends have become targets of a mysterious gang of social misfits, out to take down the popular elite. With her classmates in danger, Talis creates a secret identity to protect them-- even the mean evil bitches out to socially destroy her.
Now Talis is stuck in a love triangle between her, Cole, and her superhero alter ego, her every super move is being tracked and tweeted, and, oh yeah, there’s that psychotic gang situation.
As the gang’s attacks spiral out of control, Talis must figure out a way to stop them before someone, you know. . . dies.
First 250 words:
I just don’t want to die. Of humiliation. Besides getting straight A’s, that’s pretty much my only goal this year.
Coach Marshall, evil fiend in tiny man shorts, is out to thwart my plans. When he divides us up for volleyball, he puts me in with the Beautiful People. This is not where I belong.
Marshall busts me sneaking onto my usual court—the one with my asthmatic friend Jane, Weird Cape Billy and the kid wearing a helmet. My people. He waves me over to the last court. “Talis, I told you, you’re over there today.”
“Coach—” I say, but he’s already moved on, yelling at two freshmen beating each other with the soft baseball bats.
Obviously whoever made PE mandatory isn’t an easy bleeder with little to no physical coordination. I put it off until sophomore year, hoping I’d get breasts before having to engage in the horror of group showers. Unfortunately, puberty is eluding me.
I take my time walking over. I pull up my gym shorts, which are always sliding down, even with the top rolled. I try to look busy, pretending to read the safety guidelines listed on the wall. While I’m admiring the rules and regulations, I get a weird tingly feeling on the back of my neck, like someone’s staring at me. When I look, I lock eyes with just about the worst person possible.
“Are you lost little girl?” Shawna Soto, tyrant of the sophomore class, master of the well-timed slut bomb, purveyor of eating disorders, is talking to me.
