Elizabeth Bourgeret's Blog, page 8

Relational Dynamics

Photo by Shawn Kneemiller As many of you know, I am a hairstylist when I am not writing, and I have recently moved from my home state where I'd been living most of my life to someplace completely different.  Adapting to the changes have been quite a challenge. 

People fascinate me.  Granted, being an introvert, I like to watch from a distance, but being part of the human race, I eventually have to participate as well.  When I was studying relational coaching, my goal was to use it for mainly teens, but I am surprised that I can use this knowledge in every aspect of my life.  

I have been a hairstylist, off and on for over 23 years and have belonged to several different shops. The one I left was probably my favorite and the one that I developed the best friendship skills.  They were essentially my tribe.  I belonged.  We all looked out for one another.  We played together, we worked together, we loved, we lost, we bonded.  It was the first time in my life, I had multiple friends.  In the past, I had only been able to concentrate on one friend at a time.  This became a separate.... family, so to speak. (Like I said, I'm an introvert but never had a name for my "condition" until a couple years ago!)

When I moved and started my new job here, it's been an excellent reference as to how complete strangers assimilate to become one team.  These twelve people, my new tribe that I had been assigned too- some have worked together before, some knew each other in passing, and I, of course, was completely new... but all new to this franchise and brand new store.

I like watching the natural progression of things grow.  How people group together; find different ways to assert their authority, come together to weed out a common enemy, toleration, education and bonding together.  It is amazing to watch.  

I had been asked to be the leader of our motley crew but had declined.  I wanted to devote my time to creating and not so much cutting.  But knowing that I am out of the running for leadership, I am able to watch the process unfold without bias.

It's a good group of girls here, under a good GM and a positive owner.  The shop will do well, and these girls look like they are here to stay.  So I am anxious to watch the friendships unfold and to see if it stays "just" co-worker status among them or if they will bond together as a cohesive unit. 

I am have a nice time learning who everyone is.  They're likes and dislikes, things we have in common, their work practices (how they cut differently than me or customer skills or retail skills).  I am fascinated with their family-lives, how many kids they have, boys/girls, ages, married/single.  Their hobbies, their joys, their addictions, what makes them laugh.

While I miss the cohesiveness of the tribe I left behind, I am learning so much about myself and the others and this experience is only going to make me a better person by being able to love on these new people.

We have all been thrown together for about a month now, and in that short of time I have learned so much about these young women.  Their heartbreaks and their trials and the things they are doing to cope.  If they have a common denominator among them all, it's strength.  I have heard of some of their trials that would cripple another human being, but these girls don't give up.  They find a new way to keep going.  They all have strong family ties and as with everyone, they are all struggling through something.  I am humbled that they trust me, an outsider, to tell their troubles to.  They don't tell me to "get" something from me, they are just sharing.  I am honored that they feel comfortable in such a short window of time to share with me.  Apparently, I fall into the "momma" role wherever I go. 

It is true that people fade in and out of your life in seasons and that not everyone you meet is supposed to be in your life forever, and sometimes its hard to let go of your "comfort zone", but we can grow stale if we stay in the same "place" for too long.  I have discovered that I am a wanderer.  I physically need to move from place to place to stay inspired.  I think I've known it for a long time but was too afraid to step out of the "norm".  But when I say "place", I am more referring to a mental or spiritual attitude if you will.  We as humans need to grow.  We are created to want other human companionship, and yet its scary to face change.  I wish for you to embrace change.  Me, the introvert, says reach out and love people.  All kinds of people.  It doesn't have to be up close and personal, but we can love from a distance as well. 

I will have to get used to meeting new people and leaving others behind.  And while I feel the need to not settle- at the moment- I hope that I leave behind me a trail of affection and that I touched people's lives with love.  I hope that those I come in contact with feel inspired and if I'm lucky, I will have the opportunity to watch their dreams come true.  (Facebook at its finest!  I can move about the country and still keep track of all my people!)

We all come in contact with people every single day.  Make it a positive experience.  And while we won't build tribes with all these people and they may only be in your life for a season, (or less), let it be a good experience for all involved.  A little love, a little kindness can go a long way.  Lead with love.

Sarcasm- The Double Edged Sword

I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and it can sometimes get me into trouble.  I assume that everyone knows of my sarcastic way of thinking (ah... assuming, I think I've found the root of the problem!) and that they understand that I'm really only "joking".

Laughter is my go-to or knee-jerk reaction to most things that are out of my control.  Grief, stress, anger... I can feel giggles bubbling up from inside as a sort of coping mechanism, so yes, I can be found, perhaps not out and out laughing, but a tense giggle at the most inopportune times.

I can only assume that I would laugh at a gunman who tried to rob me at gunpoint.  It would be funny to me, not that I could lose my life, but that I have nothing for him to steal.  My knee-jerk reaction would be laughter.  I know.  It doesn't make sense.  But I'm the one who laughs at funerals because I want to remember the good times.  I'm the one who tries to make others laugh in a time of crisis to divert the attention from what is causing them pain.  I am the one who laughs through my tears because I am at such a loss, and I am convinced that there is a silver lining somewhere.  Life is pretty funny, you know.  Irony can be downright hilarious at times... okay, for me anyway.


My sarcasm definitely stems from that, I think. It is easier for me to come back with a sarcastic quip than have to deal with the "real" issue.  They say that there is a modicum of truth in every sarcastic comment... I'm inclined to believe that is true.

For example, I have a co-worker who brings in tasty baked goods on a regular basis.  And every day, I yell at her (when I say yell, I don't mean raise my voice, I mean sarcastically scold) that she is trying to make me fat.  Am I really angry at her? No.  Do I think she is personally attacking my waistline? No.  But the pastries ARE there, tempting me and I COULD blame her for putting that temptation in front of me... testing me.... And until she realizes that I have a sarcastic sense of humor, she may think that I am really and truly angry with her.  Which is not the case. And that would hurt me immensely because I would never choose to hurt anyone's feelings.  But the words come out because it is just who I am and a lot of times I end up apologizing to those who don't know how to read me.

I am usually around people who can handle it and even play along.  Both of my children have a razor sharp sense of humor and I love the banter with them.  Whoo!  They keep me on my toes... so since I enjoy such clever conversations with them, I assume- there's that word again- that others can keep up as well.

Some people don't appreciate a good sarcastic wit and even I am annoyed when some take it too far, but as for me, I need to learn to reign it in until the people around me get used to me.

All this to say... You know, I'm not really sure.  I guess it's a PRE-apology for when I say something sarcastic and you're not really sure what to do with it.  Just know in advance it is sarcasm at its finest and that no harm is meant.

Have a great day... no really... have a great day, no sarcasm... (yes, I see the problem....)

Permission To Spoil Yourself

I had a birthday this past week.  When I woke up, I was prepared to be sad and even depressed because I was alone.  Far away from family and anyone who might love me... or even like me a little.  Once I figured out that each day is a gift, my attitude changed just a little bit.  But I was still so lonely because I knew that no one was going to do anything nice for me for my birthday.  No cake.  No party.  No dinner invites.  I was so sad!

(In actuality, no sooner did my eyelids flutter to life, my phone started chirping with birthday wishes and greetings of love and affection.  I was not forgotten!  And suddenly I felt worthwhile.  I mattered now, because someone somewhere out in the world loved me.)

But the most poignant message I got was from my sweet niece and she said, "Happy Birthday, I hope you use this day to spoil yourself."

It dawned on me that I don't have to wait for someone else to do something nice for me.  I could do it myself!  As I am constantly trying to teach "my" teens that they should love themselves (before they can expect others to love them) this is one way of showing love to yourself.  So I did...

I had an extra serving of bacon with breakfast.  I took a long, long, extra long hot shower. I went to the beach with my dog, Meera.  (There were dolphins!!  They were swimming SO close to the shore I could have walked out and touched them!!  There were hundreds of sand dollars everywhere too!)  I wrote in my latest manuscript.  I relaxed, stared out over the water and thought about the people that I loved.  I ate an entire box of chewy Sweetarts.  I watched a couple episodes of Bones and finished out the night with a favorite movie, a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine.  The only thing I couldn't get my hands on was birthday cake.  (Because, as you know, birthday cake is the only kind of baked good that has no calories...) But it was not meant for me that day, I guess.

Overall it was a good day.  It was a good birthday.  While I love being around my friends and family for the special occasions, this has truly been a lesson that my happiness is not dependent on other people.  I could have easily chosen to spend the day in bed and stay sad that no one is doing anything nice for me, but every single birthday wish I got on my phone or on Facebook was enough for me.  I am loved.  I am treasured and not even birthday cake can say that any better!

This is the life that I have chosen for myself.  To travel and be an author and create awesome workshops as I go.  Therefore, I am going to be away from my "support group" quite a bit of the time.  I need to know how to make myself happy.  I need to love me in case there isn't anyone else around to remind me that I am lovable.  And... it's okay to spoil myself every once and again.  Because I am special.  And I am worth it.

So this is me giving you permission to spoil YOURself!  Love you for you.  Celebrate your awesome uniqueness and know that you don't have to wait for someone else to celebrate you.

(By the way, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!  They really and truly made my day.  Each and every one brought a smile to my face!  It's good to be loved.)

Simplify Your Life By Letting Go

photo by Joseph Felps It goes against everything we believe in.  Letting go... 
Hold on.  Hold on tight.  To everything.  The more the better, right?  Sometimes we get blinded by this theory.  I'm not saying to sell all your stuff and move into an RV or anything... who does that ? (teehee!)  But if we take a step back and look at our lives in a different light, what can we let go of to make a little more breathing room?  Thinking room.  Living room.  Loving room.  Here's a list of a few things that came to mind when I was thinking on the subject.  See if you agree.

Let Go Of Your Yesterdays- Let the past be in the past.  Been there done that.  Learn what you can from it but then, let it go.  Don't carry around regret, guilt or bitterness.  Don't carry your past into your future, it blocks you from new experiences and from clouds your judgement.  We all make mistakes.  Learn from them and then let them go. (For more help in this area, go here.)

Let Go Of Negativity- Let the glass be half full.  Let there be a silver lining.  Look for the good and you will find it.  Look for reasons to be grateful instead of complaining.  This slightest shift can do amazing things for your outlook.

Let Go Of Self-Doubt- Stop talking yourself OUT of living!  Take a risk!  Take a chance!  What's the worst that can happen?  You have been given the life you have to enjoy it!  So get out there!  What are you missing out on?  What have you always wanted to try!  Let this be your year!  Stop looking for reason why you CAN'T!  Take action!  Go ahead, take that first step!

And since we're taking chances now...
Let Go Of Perfection- Not everything we do is going to be perfect.  (Is anything we do perfect?) Don't expect it to be perfect.  We are human.  Enjoy the things you do in your human imperfect-ness.  By taking new chances, that opens us up for new mistakes... it's okay.  You're expanding your boundaries.  You are on a continuous learning journey.  Embrace it and don't expect it to be perfect.

Let Go Of Sources Of Stress- Chose people to be in your circle that will feed you and encourage you.  If they suck the happiness from your very soul, it may be time to let them go. It may be painful at first, it's tough to change, but if it for the greater good, then go for it.  A bad attitude is like flat tire.  You can't go anywhere until it's fixed.  So fix it and move on and away from those nails in the road. Chose to be around people that will lift you up, not stress you out.

Let Go Of Living For Others- Make yourself a priority.  Love begins at home in your heart.  If you can't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you.  People will take and take- as much as you are willing to give them.  Give of yourself, but be sure there is plenty left for you.  Follow your own dreams.  You are the only one that can live your life and if you are so busy living it for someone else, you are going to miss out on so much!

and finally:

Let Go Of What's Not Working- Change is good.  Not everything nor everyone is meant to stay in your life forever.  People come and go, experiences come and go, life is a steady flow of change.  And that's okay. See what is and what is not working for you at this juncture in your life and trim the fat where it needs to be trimmed.  If it is not moving you forward, it is most likely wasting more time than it is giving you benefit.  Let it go. 


Hopefully this gives you the motivation to let go and simplify your life in order to enjoy it all the more!  Have a happy day and a love-filled life!

Personal Rant

If you have been following along with the many transitions I have been going though (as seen throughout the rest of the site and other blog The Journey) then you will know that I have uprooted from a normal brick and mortar home to a home on wheels.  I've decided to go full-time and live in an RV.  

It has always been my intention to be able to use my writings and workshops to reach people in personal ways- more than just writing educational, non-fiction books.  While I love writing books, when it comes to non-fiction, I find that it makes a bigger impact when you can have interactive learning.  And of course, you know my heart is teaching the teenagers.  I wanted to do the full-time RV lifestyle so I could travel from city to city to reach teens and parents in their hometowns all while getting to see this beautiful country we live in. (Yes, I will still continue to write fiction as well... how can I not? Lol) 
Sounds like a win-win, right? Spend a few days a week writing full time and then the other four, teaching workshops or seminars.  I think it is perfect! 

Anyway...  I did it.  I downsized, bought an RV and am now- for the moment- in beautiful South Carolina.  Here lies the rub...
It comes at great expense to be able to do this lifestyle and I knew that I was going to have to work for a while until I got on my feet with the books, workshops and mini workshops.  However, I find myself falling into the same patterns that I thought I rescued myself from when I was living in St. Louis.

I am working. All. The. Time.    The money seems to be so tight and I have to watch every penny and also take on extra hours just to make ends meet.  I am so worried that I am going to be caught in the same trap that I just left.

I am surrounded by all this beauty and I have no time to get out and see it!  I'm sure that there are teenagers in the area, but I just can't find the time to get to them!  And my work?  Well, it keeps getting pushed back further and further as I continue to work my "day job"... which does not make me happy!

I have so many new tweaks I want to put in place for the Total Truth Workshop to make it even better than it was before, but I can't find the time!  

The vicious cycle has followed me to South Carolina!!  That wasn't supposed to happen!

So... here's what I need you to do!  (lol)  Tell all your friends to buy my books and visit this and my other websites and book me for speaking engagements so that I can break free of working and get out on the road like I'm supposed to!  See?  Problem solved.  Thanks for your cooperation.

If only it were that easy!  Thanks for letting me vent.  It is a real fear, but now that I am away from my family and friends and am completely alone with no distractions other than work, I really have no excuses not to find a few more hours a week to work on stuff.  

Huh...  Now I have a setting.  See how much you have helped?  Thanks!  I'll try not to let it go so long between blog posting.  I know how you hate that.  By the way, thank you for all of your emails of concern.  I really am on the right path to hopefully get to do what I want.  I just have to learn patience.  God's favorite lesson for me... I'm a stubborn one.

How Do You React?

We all have pain.  We all suffer loss.  We all have to go through experiences that we'd rather avoid.  The question is, how do you react when you are faced with unpleasantries?

We have no control over the things that life is going to throw at us.  Sometimes it seems as if we are being "picked on" by the universe or God or whomever you choose to blame.  When the truth is, we all have our fair share.  Some people get it dumped on them all at one time, others have a constant stream of disappointment, still others have it dispersed through out life at an even pace so as barely to disrupt their daily activity.

How can this be?  I believe it is how we react to these events that determines the radius of destruction it plays in our lives.  How you react places the value on the negative event.  Is it going to shut you down?  Move you to a cardboard box in an alley?  Is every event catastrophic? Or can you get through it with a few minor tweaks?  Is it something you have to work a little harder to push through?  Or something that would turn out better if you just lay low for a while?  Grief and tragedy affects each one of us in different ways.  Learn to know your telltale behavior when times get rough to learn if you need to alter a few things to make life easier, you stronger, thicker skinned, or whatever the change might have to be.

I do not belittle any tragedy that goes on in people's lives.  God knows, I've had plenty to try and keep me down.  The Devil loves to challenge my faith on a regular basis.  And yet...

The doctors of the medical community have diagnosed me with clinical manic depression.  Which, basically gives me permission to have crying jags, eating binges and months of solitude and a list of medications to choose from if I so desire.  Because of this condition, I have the green light to turn my heartbreaks, my letdowns, my bumps in the road, my catastrophes of any size to take control over my life, my emotions and my well-being.  Well, guess what...

I choose not to let the weight of the world control my destiny!

Let alone my month, my week, my days.  Okay,  sometimes... many times it can have an hour or two, but then it's time to get back up and get back to life.

Being diagnosed with depression, means that I sometimes have to work harder to see the sunshine instead of the rain, but since I know that about myself, I know what I have to do.  It isn't easy.  Like I said, I have permission by the professionals to sit around in my pajamas for days on end and wallow.  But that's not the kind of life that I want.

I choose to keep the sunshine on my face so the shadows stay behind me. I am not in denial.  When these bad things come up, I make a choice as how to deal with them.  I do my best not to make mountains out of molehills.  I don't let gossip or what others think of me take a hold of my life or alter me.  

I know, that I am being the best person I can be under any circumstance.

So, how do you react?  When bad things happen, do you let it sink in and take over?  Complaining doesn't help.  Constantly bringing it to the surface doesn't help.  Gossiping, or using the feel-sorry-for-me-card doesn't help.  Don't discuss your problems with others unless they can help you.  Either by support, or getting you through the situation.  By constantly telling everyone how miserable you are only makes you a whiner.  Enough of the reality tv show attitude.  Your dirty laundry wasn't meant to be scattered all over the front yard.  I'm not saying hide it.  But I'm saying don't flaunt it.  I'm not saying pretend everything is fine when it isn't, I'm suggesting reserving your comments on the situation for specific people.  People that can help you and have your best interests at heart. 

Like I said, what life throws at us is out of our control.  But you can make it three times worse if you give in to pressure, or depression, or bullying, or grief, or brick walls.  There is ALWAYS another way.  There is ALWAYS another choice.

Choose the sunshine.... Always choose the sunshine.

Falling In Love With Your Best Friend

You want a love that will last forever?  How do you know he's the one?  Fall in love with your best friend.  

In order for love to last, you have to have a strong base to make sure you're going to make it through the tough times... and there will be tough times.

It seems in "recent" times (the last forty or so years) that relationships have become quick to fall in to and quick to fall out of.  It is no longer a humiliating thing to be divorced.  And we all know the percentage of marriages succeeding is only in the 50% range.

With our need to be loved by someone-anyone, and our desire for instant gratification, life has really taken its tole on our relationships.  

Do I think long term relationships are a thing of the past?  Absolutely not.  If I thought so, I would be saddened beyond repair.  It is my life's work to figure this out.  After my past mistakes in relationships, I am positive that there must be a way to do it right, so I have devoted hours and hours and years and years of study to it and bring what I discover to you.  And when the time comes and I want to jump back in the ring of relationships, I promise you, it will be forever.

That being said, you want forever?  Fall in love with your best friend.  Here's a couple clues that you are on the right track.

1. He/She is the first one you want to tell your news to.
Is the person your with the first one you want to talk to when you wake up in the morning?  When something exciting happens in your day, is he the one you want to tell?  This should be an automatic thing.  Your partner is the one that you will confide in with most aspects of your life.  Is he supportive when he hears your news?  Does she encourage you to share or ask questions?  When you are in a relationship, you want to grow together and create new memories, sharing each others news, good or bad, is a great way to build stronger friendships.

2. You go to each other for advice.
And along those same lines from above, when you share with your best friend, you also want to know that they have your best interest at heart.  Are you able to go to him/her to ask for advice?  Do they know you well enough to be able to offer you unbiased, non-judgemental options?  If you have an open relationship, you should be able to approach each other in times when you are not quite sure about things and know that they will have your back.  They can be honest with you without being harsh.  And of course, you know, that the final "decisions" are yours to make and appreciate their words of advice even if they don't match your thoughts.  That comes from trust.  Trust comes from sharing. 

3. You have many of the same hobbies.
The common denominator.  You don't have to do every single thing together.  You both will need your space to do your "own" thing or hang out with other friends, but it is good to have some things that you both enjoy doing together.  I know, I know, a lot of times opposites attract, but there still has to be some familiar ground that you both can retreat to, other than sex, to keep your relationship strong.  Have you realized that you've fallen into that trap?  It's not too late.  In fact, it can only help strengthen your relationship.  Find something completely new for you both!  Try taking a class together.  Go to new restaurants.  Find a new hobby neither of you have tried.  Again, you are creating new memories and new traditions.

4. You KNOW your partner.
All best friends have inside jokes.  A line from a movie or song that triggers a memory.  That one friend that...  That time when...
A secret, unspoken language, a special look that brings back a specific time that you shared in your life.  You can look across the room and know what your best friend is thinking.  Does he need to be rescued from the conversation he's in?  Is she beyond ready to go home?  Does he need his co-pilot to get through the family dinner?  
You can order his meals.  You can grocery shop and know her favorite brands.  She doesn't have to make a Christmas list, you already know what to get her.  You know his allergies and his favorite things...
This too comes with time and shared experiences.  It comes from observation.  It comes from wanting to know hem/her better.  Invested time in your partner.  Getting to know him or her on deep, consistent, intimate levels.

5. You laugh at the same stupid things.
A shared sense of humor.  While not required, just like everything else on this list, it's little things that let you know you are more than just lovers.  The more time, quality time, you spend together, you realize your common denominators.  Some have to work a little harder than others, but you know, when you've gotten this one, then you're off to a good start.  Laughter can cure a multitude of ills and it's good to have it to fall back on. Laugh with your partner.  Not only will it bring you closer, but it releases those happy hormones.

6. You'd rather spend time together than with anyone else.
Yes, you need to have outside time with other friends, as mentioned before, but when you are perfectly comfortable just being together, that's a feeling of security.  Even simple activities as watching television in silence or folding laundry, this is the person you most want to spend your time with.  Back to the beginning, it's this person that you want to talk to, or hang out with, or eat breakfast with or choose to be with over all others most of the time.

7. You trust each other.
Trust is something that can't be taken for granted.  It is a precious and fragile thing that if it is broken may take years to repair, if at all.  You have to be able to trust the one you call your best friend.  There needs to be that feeling of security that you can go to him with anything.  ANYTHING.  You shouldn't have present-day secrets.  If you have to hide something, lie about something or delete texts, emails or posts before your partner sees it, you are breaking a trust.  You may not be doing anything wrong, but if you can't be honest about it, then there is something not right.  Just don't do it.  Have an open policy.  Be able to discuss any topic.  They might be upset, but you'll have a much better time healing from honest words than from deception of any kind.
If you say you're going to be somewhere or do something, be there; do it.  If you say you have broken things off with your ex, be sure you have.  If she comes to you with personal, private details, keep them that way.  If he lets down his guard and allows you to come closer, respect that.  
Don't keep things from her.  Don't lie to him.  Don't be deceptive or secretive.  Don't hold things against her that your last partner did to hurt you.  Trust that you are both in this friendship and relationship together.  Do what it takes to live in trust.

8. They celebrate with you at your best and still love you at your worst.
We all have victories that we love to celebrate and we turn to our loves to share our joys with.  Best friends are there to raise a glass, give a pat on the back and share in the happiness of one another.  No jealousy.  No competition.  Just focusing on his or her happiness.  Is your partner the one you want to call when you get that promotion?  Drop a pant size?  Score a high grade on a test?  Bought the new car?  Is he/she willing to share in your happiness or steal your joy?  You know you have the right one when he/she celebrates with you and does not deflect from your good news to belittle it or interject their own agenda.
Your best friend will share your ups... as well as your downs.
We all know that life isn't all sunshine and roses and it is good to have someone there to help you up when you feel down. Or, come down there with you to hold your hand and let you cry until you're ready to get back up.
This becomes hard to do without a solid base of love.  Life is not easy.  We all have our fair share of joys and sorrows.  Having someone, or being that someone makes it all worthwhile.  Hard times become just a little easier when they are divided by two.  Good times get even better when shared with that special someone.  The world becomes a better place when you have a partner... a best friend to help you through and walk though life together.

Make sure that when you decide to go after a long term relationship, you can see the tell-tale signs of friendship.  Because long after the lust has gone through, and the children are grown, you will be left with only each other.  Build that strong foundation that will support you for the rest of you days together.  Life can be very cold when you go home to someone you can't talk to or has drifted so far from where you began.

Fall i

Questions, Questions, Questions...

Every once in a while my email gets loaded with lots of interaction from you, my readers and other times, I will go for days without someone wanting to talk to me.  (Those are sad days, let me tell you! Lol!)  A mentor of mine suggested that I use the questions from my emails as blog posts instead of answering the same questions every time the next person would ask it.  I thought that was a brilliant idea!!  And there are times when I just stare at this blank space and wonder what I am going to write!!
So, without revealing personal information, I will use your questions as the base for my blogs, if you don't mind.  This way, we can help others too.  I'm sure that as you're are going through the valleys of your life, you feel like you're the only one.  That is SO NOT TRUE!!  When we are down , or struggling, or confused that seems to be the time that we pull away from one another and I think we should do just the opposite!  So, please, lets support each other.  We are becoming a team, a tribe of sorts by stopping by this website blog every once and again.  There must be something that draws us all together.  I am so thankful that you turn to me with your questions.  I am honored that you trust in my council.  Not to mention, I am happy to see that all my hours and hours and hours of study were for a good purpose!

So yes!  Please!  Send me your questions!  I am here for you.  And just to give you a head's up on a few that are coming your way, here are some topics that have been asked of me.

-How do I know if my partner is "the one"?
-How do I know if my partner is cheating on me? And then what?
-How do I stop loving someone who doesn't love me back?
-How to be happy being single.

Please come back and visit especially if any of the above pertain to you!!  Or if there's something else that is bothering you, please, let me know!
Drop me a note in the Contact Me or email me directly at elizabeth@elizabethbourgeret.com

Go Where You Are Loved

So there you are, in a relationship for however long and suddenly you see it from the outside in.  There has been that niggling feeling that maybe this relationship has run its course, but then he holds you and you forgive everything. But you know.  Inside, you know.  The love may still be there, but there is no respect.  No mutual growth.  No sharing.  And when you are away from that embrace, you can see clearly that you are not being treated with the respect you deserve.

Why do you stay?  Sometimes love doesn't last forever.  Sometimes love was only meant for a season.  Sometimes it wasn't really love in the first place.  There still may be feelings of love, of affection or those little butterflies when she kisses you, but when the feelings of defeat, insecurity and loneliness out weigh those feelings, perhaps it's time to take a look at the state of your relationship.  

When you are not in a loving, encouraging relationship, it stunts your growth.  Not physically, of course, but mentally, emotionally... Worse case scenario, you may start believing that you don't deserve better; that even though he treats you badly or even treats you as you're a passing thought and not a priority, he must still love you because you "connect"... Don't confuse love with lust.

I am not suggesting to give up and go elsewhere at the first sign of trouble.  No, I am essentially giving you permission to assess the situation and realize that if it wasn't meant to be, nothing you do as only one half of the relationship is going to make it work.  It takes two to make a relationship work.

You need to love yourself first.  If you can't love you, no one else can.  If you allow him or her to treat you in a certain, unhealthy way then they will keep doing the same thing.  Do not put up with behavior that you do not deserve.  You are worth so much more than that.  Know that you are worth more and know that you will be okay if you have to walk away. 

The sign of insanity is doing the same things but expecting a different behavior.  Don't get caught up in that insanity.  If your partner is unwilling to change or grow to help keep the relationship strong, it's time to think about walking away.  Yes, I realize that sounds like conflicting advice. (You should love your partner, just the way he is and don't go into a relationship expecting him to change.)  And while that is true, there HAS to be some change when two people from two different worlds come together.  The object of a healthy relationship is to always keep your partner's needs in the forefront of your mind.  If he or she isn't reciprocating, things get off balance.  You have one giving all the time and one taking...

Go where you are loved.  Don't stay trapped where your love is stifled and not appreciated.  Go where people are happy to see you.  Go where your dreams are fed and encouraged.  Where your opinions are respected and heard.  Where you can be comfortable in your own skin and not worry about whether someone will still love you or not.  Don't ever let someone else be responsible for shutting you down.  Know your worth.

Yes, love takes work.  But it shouldn't be work all. the. time.  Be strong enough to let go.  Be strong enough to walk away.  Be strong enough to stand alone.  Life is too short to stay in a relationship that does not bring you joy or fulfillment.

Love is good.  Love is kind.  Love lifts you up and doesn't tear you down.  Love never lets you feel unwanted.  Love is sharing and growing and acceptance.  Don't accept anything less that true love. 

End of an Era

Saturday Morning Cartoons... What images are conjured up in your head when you hear those wonderful words?  Now when you pass on the magic of Saturday mornings to your kids and grandkids, they will only be stories of your childhood, never to be experienced in the same way again.  I heard on the radio the other day that we have reached an end of an era.  The practice of hours upon hours of animated features to "babysit" a generation since the 1960's has come to an end.  Saturday Morning Cartoons are now a thing of the past.

Sure, you can still find these classic favorites in collections or on 24-hour television, but it's not the same as sitting cross-legged within arm's length of the television dial waiting for the next pre-selected cartoon to come on...

I don't know about you, but I was raised in the culture of waking up way before the time to get ready for school (which was physically impossible during the actual school week), creeping into the living room with a bowl precariously filled to the brim with a favorite sugar cereal and milk and plunking myself down a few feet in front of the gigantic floor model television set and staying there, mesmerized for hours until the Soul Train whistle told me that the dancing was over for the week.  Even then, I could be easily enticed to extend my floor time with the Saturday afternoon movie selections such as Ma & Pa Kettle, Jerry Lewis, Bad News Bears or even a little Abbot and Costello.

I have NO idea what was going on in the house or even if my parents existed as I got lost in that world of animation, Superheros and funky dance moves!   I'm sure the parents across the nation were happy to oblige this Saturday morning indulgence so that they too could get a few hours of peace and quite.  After all, this was a time in history, when most parents were home for the weekend and stores were still closed on Sundays.

I know as in the case of my parents, they were happy that I was glued to the television because that meant that I wasn't getting into anything else!  My obnoxiousness was contained to my square of floor space or a corner of the couch.  

I recall making out my Christmas lists with the parade of new and amazing toys that I just HAD to have!  I also helped out with the grocery list, because before we ever set foot in the grocery store, I knew exactly which cereal I wanted because of the toy that was advertised in each.  I knew all the tag lines for all the cereals, restaurants, and toy brands.  ... And to think that people call Saturday mornings a waste of kid's time!! Lol! Saturday mornings weren't all mind numbing colorful stories, super heroes and funky dance moves.  I'm sure I'm not the only one that would have to admit and give props to Schoolhouse Rock for their assistance in passing seventh grade American History, learning our multiplication tables and making elementary science tolerable! It may even be the beginnings of my love for the English language that translated into the writing that I enjoy today... (I would have NEVER figured out prepositional phrases without those little ants!)

By the 1990's the programming began to change to keep up with the many choices of cable tv, and the traditions of Saturday Morning Cartoons was soon destined to be a memory as the networks began to drop out one by one.  Yes, this culture/tradition is limited to a specific generation as by the time my kids came along, they were the VCR generation and there was always a steady stream of Disney classics of their choosing, to keep them occupied while Mommy got those few extra hours of sleep. 

It was a little sad to hear though that it is now officially over.  The last television station to participate in Saturday Morning Cartoons has called it quits.  The CW's Network, Vortexx has called it quits by canceling the last block of cartoons to be switched with live-action educational shows.  Pfft... who needs that?   

Boy, I suddenly feel old.  Even a bit nostalgic... and I didn't think I was old enough for that... But let's linger in the yesteryear for just a moment more and share with me your favorite Cartoon classics, memorable commercials or most beloved Schoolhouse Rock episode!!