Elizabeth Bourgeret's Blog, page 6

If Anyone Has Told You That Following Your Dreams Is Easy- They Lied

The purpose of this post is not to complain.  It serves a few purposes, actually.  One, it allows me to vent... just a little. (It's stressful keeping all that stuff inside!) Two, it gives me a "looking back" point.  When I conquer these roadblocks (and I will!) I can look back and remind myself of where I came from.  And three, when you hear about people chasing their dreams or reaching for their big goals, you either only hear about the successes or you hear about the failures.
I have decided to present the journey.  The good, bad and the ugly.  This is real.  It's what's happening in my life.  And let me tell you, it is testing me down to my fiber.
I consider myself to be a successful author.  I have five solid books under my belt, a loyal, amazing, growing following.  I will never run out of things to write about or projects to complete and I am beginning to become more known in the "expert" arena in the relationship and teenage motivation fields.  I am proud of my accomplishments.
But contentment has never really been my friend, for long.  It's good for me to to have an opportunity to "be still" for a bit, but after a while, I get antsy and need to stretch or I become lazy... and need to MAKE myself stretch.
The majority of my income has been designed so I can create and earn from anywhere (coaching is on google hangouts, my books can be purchased on-line, my e-courses will be available soon on-line, I can write, communicate and dream from anywhere! )so, I've steadily been working up to this adventure, but sometimes, I want to be face to face with people.  And in my past, workshops and camps, and seminars were always my favorite thing to do!  I love making learning fun.  I love meeting people and being able to help them immediately.  And I love seeing "the lightbulb" go off when they realize something I have introduced that can ultimately change their life.
Enter 2017.  It was time.  Time to take my career to another level.
I have always wanted to see these beautiful United States up close and personal.  So I decided that this was my chance...
So, for those of you who don't know, let me get you caught up.
I bought a brand new Toyota Tundra (Xander) and an adorable used, and much loved 2003 Keystone Cougar travel trailer (The Beach House) and my Great Dane, (Meera) and I decided to hit the road!   My first book in the Leading With Love series Love Begins With You had just been released in November, and I had just revamped a full-day workshop into a shorter more time-friendly four-hour workshop.  (The Leading With Love Workshop)

The plan was to present these workshops and promote the books and be able to get out and meet the people, support local businesses, share some love and happiness and see the country.

Brilliant, right?  And if things would just have cooperated and did as I wanted, I would be having no issue. Lol. Nothing has gone as planned...  On the very first day, I didn't get more than an hour away before I had to pull over.  The camper was swaying SO hard, it almost pulled me off the road.  The problem:  The hitch was not level to the truck.  Got that fixed, and back on the road.
Next problem:  The wind was blowing SO hard, the camper still swayed but there was nothing I could do about it other than just keep moving forward.  I white-knuckled that steering wheel for the next ten hours.
Next problem: My drive was SO slow that I got to the "campground" after midnight and didn't know where my site was.  The temps had dropped to the 30s and we had no heat, no electric.  I pulled over at a construction site to try and sleep for a few hours in the camper, but it was so, so cold that we just got back up and waited for the office to open.

Next problem: Suffering from lack of sleep, sore muscles, hunger and just wanting to get settled, it turns out the "campground" was mostly a mobile home park with a few RVs thrown in the mix.  They didn't have a bath house, and the streets were so steep that I scraped the back end of the camper at every turn. (Ended up doing some damage to the camper itself!) I had to decline staying there and find another REAL campground.

Next problem: (Mind you, I'm still not even two full days into this adventure!)  I need to find a way to tell my fancy-schmancy GPS system that I am towing a thirty foot camper!! On the way to the other campground, it took me through the historic downtown district!!  And while I would have appreciated this any other time, I AM TOWING A 30' CAMPER!!!  Then, (yes, I know this is getting hard to believe!) THEN, there was an accident and I had to be re-routed.  A 15 minute drive ended up taking 48 minutes.
I did make it to the other campground, got hooked- up, took a shower and a nap, and all was well. 

Next problem: I had to cancel the workshop in Birmingham, AL because of lack of attendance.  (Silly me, didn't realize that I was competing with a major drinking holiday... St. Patrick's Day)  
Good news:  Sold some books, met some great people, had some new sign-ups for the newsletter thanks to the book signing events... Yay!

Next problem: Advertising and marketing.... I'm really not very good at that so I like to hire out for those things.  Lesson learned:  Figure out ALL the rules and learn the process myself first before handing the responsibility off to someone else.  I was trying to cut corners and assumed that anyone I hired would have my best interest at heart.  I somehow got myself blocked from using Facebook ads because some of the guidelines were not being followed.  My fault.  I should have known what the guidelines were and I should have taken more interest in what was being done on my behalf. I lost a lot of money and have gotten zero return.   But that's not the worst part... however.  

Facebook marketing was my main source of promoting because it can specifically target my location and the audience that would most benefit from my books and services.  And now I have none of that.  No marketing, no promotions.  I have had to cancel another workshop. 
Good news:  I am heading into "home turf".  I have a large following in both Arkansas, and Missouri, where I am from, and hopefully I can salvage some of the events scheduled for the cities in those states. 

And that pretty much brings us up to date... 

I am using this "extra" time to do some renovations on the camper, to try and distribute the weight a little better so it won't sway as much when I get over 55mph. (So frustrating!!) And fix the back end and making it a little more suited for me. 

I am sad because I am not teaching or even writing at the moment, and since I get myself into this funk, I barely go out and see the sights- the things that I set out on this adventure to do.  Write, teach, explore then write about it.
I am completely caught up in the business side of things- looking for new ways to promote, create a new income stream if I can't teach, social media postings, and pleading with Facebook for another chance...  And now I have to take the time to learn the things I was farming out: email automation, landing pages, links, adwords, amazon ranking, upselling, SEO, photoshop... yuk, yuk, yuk!  I just want to create!  (Okay, that was a little extra whiny... sorry 'bout that!)

I apologize for the length and I'll try to update more often to keep them concise, but I guess this is really the first time I've had a chance to communicate with you.  I've been battered around a bit... but I shall bolster and keep moving forward.  I'm not giving up just yet...
I guess this post does a fourth thing as well, it allows you to come in and share my world with me.  And while I mention my struggles, I am not looking for you to "fix" anything, but your prayers and words of encouragement do help and feed me and keep me moving forward.  And while these are my dreams that I am chasing, I am so excited that you have taken an interest and decided to tag along.  The good, the bad the ugly... and when we meet you can reflect with me... ("Remember that time when... I was really worried for you...." or "just look how far you've come.")
Thank you for hanging with me!
​Until next time... hopefully a happier post... 

Things I've Learned From...Beaufort, SC

​I relocated to Beaufort, SC in December 2014.  My goal was to escape the cold winters of the Midwest and get closer to my beloved ocean.  The plan was to stay there for a year, write a book and then start on my tour…
 
That’s is far from what happened.
 
I ended up moving closer to the ocean to St. Helena Island.  I was surrounded by beautiful live oaks with their signature Spanish moss clinging to them for that familiar, haunting visual.  Everywhere I went, I crossed water.  Palm trees were plentiful.  The smell of the ocean skimmed along the warm breezes….
It is such a beautiful place. 
I published two books while there.  Daddy’s Girl and Love Begins With You.  My daughter and I opened and closed a business.  I expanded my online community and made lots of new loving, supportive, lasting friendships.  I loved living there, but…
 
My dreams still called to me. 
 
It ended up being two years and four months until I was ready to chase down my dreams.  I could see me landing there permanently, if such a thing were to happen.  But for now, I have such a wanderlust that just can’t be ignored any longer.
 
That being said, here are some of the valuable memories that I take along with me… ​1. They are not swamps.  They are marshes.  Do not confuse the two, the locals do not like it. 
This was my first experience with marshlands and I come away with a sort of awe at their entire existence.  They are an eco-system all of their own.  They fill and empty with the ebb and flow of the ocean.  The tall grasses sway in the breeze at low tide and are swallowed up at high tide.  The fish and dolphins all participate with the moon’s rotation and came in closer when it was safe and headed to deeper waters when it was not.  The crabs and oysters popped up to the surface when the water dissipated thinking that they would be safe in the thick, nutrient, rich “pluff mud”, but they were mistaken… (Blue Crab and Oysters are considered a mainstay for the residents!) Early in the morning as the sun comes up it lights up what looks likes the sea grass goes on for miles and miles.  In the dark of night, with the moon SO huge its light bounces of the water, you can hear the popping a gurgling of unseen crustacean life.  The scenery literally changes before your eyes. 
And one of my very favorite wastes of time was watching it happen…
​2. And speaking of “locals”, you may be hard-pressed to find one!
 
It seemed like most everyone was from somewhere else!  The magic of Beaufort has enchanted hundreds of thousands of visitors to become residents, much to the local’s dismay.  Even the “tourists” that have called Beaufort home for decades still concede that they were transplanted from somewhere else.  The Beaufort, SC  birth certificate is a coveted thing…
 
3. The locals set the pace for the entire region.  It ain’t called the “Slow Country” for nothin’!
 
When you get to the Low Country of Beaufort, better be prepared to drop it down a gear.  No one is in a hurry to go anywhere or do anything.  “They’ll get there, when they get there.”  It’s felt in every area of the town.  The restaurants, the retail establishments, hospitals,  and the driving… oh, don’t even get me started on the driving!!  You can spot a “Yankee” a mile away because they have a faster pace.  They move with a sense of urgency.  Low Country folk just don’t see a reason for wasting all that extra energy. 
 
But if you give in to it, and slow down to their pace, even for just a moment, you’ll always find a ready smile and an open willingness to share a story or two about the rich history of the area.  Southern hospitality is alive and well… as long as you don’t mind waiting for it.
 
4. Sand gnats don’t sound to ferocious, but their bite is mighty!! 
 
These tiny little bugs are the undoing of the entire Low Country.  They are sometimes called No-See-Ums because the only way you know they are around is 1) You hear people slapping themselves in terror. 2) You feel chunks of skin being ripped. Or 3) You are suddenly blinded by a swarm of tiny black dots going straight for the eye-balls or up the nose while the others attack your flesh.  No joke.  These are some serious little devils.  And it seems that can withstand almost every form of defense with the exception of a breeze!  I have the battle wounds to prove it!  Oh, and not only do they itch… they itch for WEEKS!! I don’t know how much toxic venom they inject but it sure is potent…
 
5. You’d better like seafood and be able to live without proper Chinese food or BBQ.
 
I was raised in the Midwest.  Our idea of fish was Mrs. Paul’s. It came from a box, battered and in rectangular stick shapes. But in Beaufort, they catch it and throw it on a plate!  I was able to find a few things that I could palate, but… not the oysters.  Which, along with shrimp and crab, is a mainstay there.  They have festivals dedicated to the smoking, steaming, searing, basting, boiling, frying, sautéing, and raw dining of as many pounds as possible.  Right out of a Forest Gump scene. What’s for breakfast, lunch or dinner?  Seafood.  Me?  I’m missing a steak…
​6. The United States Marine Corp has a boot camp and base in Beaufort.
 
I am always in support of our military personnel, and it was an absolute honor to be able to work so close with and become a part of some of the finest Marines and Navy men and women to be found anywhere!  You can’t live there for any length of time and not feel pride and presence of our military!  (And just a short distance away, in GA, I was able to work with the Army and Air Force personnel as well!)  I am so grateful to those who are willing to sacrifice their lives for my freedom.  I will never not be thankful to them.
Many of the permanent residents, had actually served in the Marine Corp and were stationed in Beaufort.  Again, the magic worked on them and when it was time, they returned to the Low Country to make it their home.
 
7. Hurricanes… Not a fan.
 
Well, I can scratch “Surviving a Hurricane” off my bucket list.  Hurricane Matthew blew through Beaufort and my little island and all along the coast with vigor!  Yes, I did evacuate- they didn’t have to tell me twice!  But I saw the massive amount of damage that it left behind. Homes torn in two.  Docks ripped from their moorings. Cars completely flooded out.  Boats sent miles and miles away, torn to pieces. Businesses lost.  Beautiful live oaks that had survived for hundreds of years finally met their undoing.  
It was tragedy after tragedy.  But what could have easily caused the entire area to fold and give in, I also saw communities come together.  Workers putting in long hours to get the electric on, clean water flowing, and debris removed from the streets.  Many selfless hours of neighbor helping neighbor; residents feeding and serving each other.  Getting people back into their homes as quickly as possible. 
Tragedy can sometimes bring out the beauty in people. 
It can also bring out the bad in some and, many were surprised by the selfless neighborhood watch of our men and women in blue (not to mention a few gun toting stubborn folk who “were not about to be chased off by no rain storm!”)  Also a nod to the military, the hospital doctors and nurses and EMT who stayed behind to take care of business.
I’ve lived through a hurricane. My appreciation for the power of the ocean in a bad mood, will not soon be forgotten.
​8. History.  Beautifully Preserved History.
 
If you are a fan of history, real-live history that you can witness for yourself, this place is chock-full of just such a thing! There are forts still standing.  The beautiful antebellum homes still preserved and lived in! (Ghosts and all!)  Everywhere you look, the old and the new are mushed together in some kind of alternate time warp.  Just when you are caught up in the majesty of yesterday, you practically run smack into a Walgreens or a McDonalds.  Can’t stop progress, I suppose.  Every square inch of this precious landscape is kept preserved while still making room for the every spreading expansion of “tourists” that head to this beautiful corner of the world.
 
 
I have been away from this amazing collection of islands, history and an eye on tomorrow for just a few days and my heart tugs me back to it.  It’s magic has enchanted me too… I miss the ocean breeze, and the scenery.  The stars that were so bright and low it looked like you could reach up and pluck them from the sky.  I miss the Southern drawl that is unique to the Gullah culture.  I miss the great relationships that I formed while I was there.  But again, the open road calls to me as well and begs me to see the rest of these beautiful states before I “settle” in one place… if ever.
 
So, I let go of Beaufort, SC in search of new adventures but a piece of my heart remains to help me find my way back… just in case.

I Need A Job...

I have been unemployed now for three whole days…
 
It’s terrible.
 
I had visions of giving up the J.O.B. and spending the afternoons sprawled on the beach… sipping wine and leisurely writing under my big colorful umbrella.  That’s not what happened…
 
I am a self-proclaimed work-aholic.  And as much as I feel I have rebelled against it my entire life, I need structure.  Structure as to work these hours, eat here, breathe some fresh air here, speak to another human here…
When left to my own devices… it is not healthy.
 
So, in my last three days, I have not put real clothes on, put on make-up or even brushed my hair.  I did leave my morning alarm in place only to have the immense pleasure of turning it off and rolling back over to attempt sleep.  If it wasn’t for my dog having to go outside, I wouldn’t have seen the light of day…  The sunshine beckons me, but I have so much to do… later, sunshine….
 
I wake up, make my coffee, and head straight for the computer.  My Leading With Love Tour is scheduled to take off in a matter of weeks and there is SO much to do in addition to my regular writing deadlines.  So- there I am, in front of my computer all day… all night… nothing and no one to distract me.  No job to make me stop and face the world and change gears.  So around 8:30- 9:00 at night, I realize that I haven’t eaten anything… all day.  So I stuff my face with whatever is available so I can get back to work. 
 
And guess what is in my eyesight…It’s been the gifts everyone has given me from the last days at the job.  Cherry Coffee Cake, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate bars, popcorn, Sierra Mist, and… veggie dip. (Luckily I had some broccoli and cauliflower in the fridge… the healthiest thing I had all week.)
 
I eat until I’m full, and then head back to the computer.  I am not very tech savvy so I am struggling with the learning curve of some new marketing techniques.  SO much to do.  The workaholic in me demands that I conquer this new stuff.   So much to do.  So much pressure I put on myself. 
 
So at some point in the wee hours of the morning, I drag myself to my bed and smile as I snuggle into the layers of blankets.  I think about the things I am grateful for and close my eyes to sleep.
 
… and then my brain decides to reflect on the days activities, the to-do list for tomorrow (which is technically only hours away), and some really great NEW ideas that I should try…. Right now. And not so gently reminds me that there is still so much to do... with accompanying deadlines...
 
My alarm goes off and with heavy eyelids and a smile I turn it back off.  Roll over, snuggle back in… and my brain says… “You know… I’ve been thinking…”
 
Structure… not to be underestimated.  I’ll work on that tomorrow… 

If Only My Teens Would Hear These 35 Things...

If Only My Teens Would Hear These 35 Things…
 
If there was a window of time that teens would allow me to spill out all of my years of advice and wisdom from being a life-coach and mom, this short list is what I’d like them to know…
 
Dear Teens,
I know it’s hard to see past this time in your life and you may feel disconnected, but, I promise you- you WILL make it through and you will be able to look back and reminisce about these very days sometime in your distant future.  (Probably when your teens are going through the same trials and you wish nothing more than to be able to ease their stress)
 
I have made it my personal mission to help teens get through the tricky time between high school and adult life though classes, workshops, coaching and essentially being the “other Momma”.  But just in case I don’t get a chance to meet up with you, here are just a few things that you probably won’t learn in school, and the test you take on your comprehension of said items, is not a pass or fail grade but a level of success and happiness to be found in your daily life.
 
So if I’ve kept your attention this long, my easily-distracted teens, keep reading.  Here comes the good stuff.
 
1. The choices you make today will impact your future.  You may think that the things you do right now don’t matter, but even when you turn a giant airplane’s direction a fraction of a degree, it completely changes its destination.

2. Your destination is not pre-determined.  You have the power to create the future you choose.  Don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different.

3. No one owes you anything.  If there is something you want, go to work for it.

4. In order to have friends, you must first BE a friend.  And not all friends are true friends.  Those are few and far between and should be treated as special as they are.

5. Goal setting and taking action is the key.  Even if it is a small action.  Work toward your goals a little bit every day.  And you WILL reach them eventually.

6. A goal without action, is just a wish. 

7. Always, always take the high road and walk in integrity.

8. Anything you share on social media is NEVER private.  If you don’t want your mother to see it, don’t post it.  Don’t send it.  Don’t… you know what, better yet, delete it.  Delete it right now.

9. Get enough sleep.  Your brain and body need it to help you in this huge mental and physical growth spurt you are enduring.

10. Choose your friends carefully.  They have more influence over your decisions than you realize.  Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.  Who you spend the bulk of your time with will shape how far you will go in life.

11. Never stop dreaming.  When you see your dream to reality… dream a new one.

12. Read something positive or influential every day.

13. Choosing a spouse is the single most important decision you will ever make.  Do not rush into a lifetime commitment, but once you do commit, never let go.

14. Learn to take responsibility for everything in your life.  Your words, your choices, your actions and reactions.  By taking responsibility (even though it sounds super scary) is actually the key to your freedom.

15. Value your family.

16. Keep your commitments.  You are only as good as your word.

17. Technology cannot and should not replace human relationships

18. If you feel your parents would disapprove of something you are about to do, practice the Pause.  Think it through to what the consequences might be.  Those “gut” feelings are there for a reason.  Take heed and if you must proceed, proceed with caution.  But trust me- you don’t want to walk willingly into regret.

19. Manners make a difference.

20. Life is hard.  It’s supposed to be.  It’s molding you and shaping you into the person you were meant to be.  Don’t give up.  You appreciate things more if you have to work for them.

21. What is your story?  Who are you?  What do you believe about yourself?  When you know your story, the answers to many of life’s toughest questions are already answered for you.  Have faith in your story.

22. Be good to your parents.  They are doing the best that they can, and really do want what is best for you. (They are not out to ruin your street cred!)

23. Don’t waste your time, money or brain cells on drugs.  Need I say more, cause I can go on for days…

24. Take photos.  Smile.  Commemorate your life.  Appease your mother when she insists on family photos.  You’ll be glad to have them to look back on when she is gone.  These small capsules of your life will keep you company when you are lonely.

25. Don’t judge others.  You have no idea what they may be going through and you don’t like it when it’s done to you.

26. Be kind to yourself.  What you tell yourself everyday will either lift you up and make you stronger or break you down and suck the self-confidence away from you.

27. Always be willing to help others.

28. Don’t’ take anything for granted.  Be thankful for the good, the bad and the lessons learned.

29. Always be kind to others.  There is absolutely no reason that you can’t be kind.

30. Don’t ruin a perfectly good today by dwelling on a not so good yesterday.  You can’t change what has already happened, but the future is wide open.

31. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship.  Enjoy your own company!  Figure out who you are.  Be patient.  Love will happen when it’s time.  Work on becoming the right person and the right person will come to you.  (Not necessarily in high school, but someday.)

32. Sometimes things don’t have a solid answer.  Sometimes things aren’t all black and white, either, or, this or that.  Don’t spend your nights thinking on things that just don’t have answers right now.  Sometimes you just have to accept things as they are and let the rest go.  Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, just right.

33. Actions speak louder than words.  Without exception.  Actions prove who someone is.  Words only show you who they think they want to be.

34. If you continue to live your life thinking that everything should be about you, then eventually, that’s all that you will be left with… just you.

35. And one last thing; You are unique and precious and so worthwhile.  You fill my life with sunshine and give me purpose.  You- yes you- can accomplish anything you put your heart to… and I’ll be right here cheering you on. 
Love,
The Momma
Elizabeth Bourgeret
​
(motivational teen-life coach and creator of the Total Truth Workshop for Teens.  For more information about her Workshop, classes or coaching, check out her website:  www.totaltruthworkshop.com)
 

The Short Definition of Love

When you are asked the question, what is love?    It can conjure up definitions, quotes, stories, experiences and scripture.  And while every single one of those has truth, I'm going to oversimplify the definition today.
Love means putting others first.
There you go. Done.  

Botom line, love means putting others before yourself.  Seem too simple?  Let's break it down.
When you love someone or want to show love to someone, anyone, you want their happiness.  And you are willing to put your needs second to ensure their happiness.  No one shows this better than a parent. 
Our children eat before we do... Our children sleep before we sleep... Our children get new clothes, haircuts, new toys, new technology and we are playing catch-up; happy with the few moments to ourselves in the bathroom! Lol
No matter how old our children are... you never lose that feeling.  I would do everything in my power for my children if that was in their best interest.  I love them with every fiber of my being.  It comes natural to me.

In our intimate relationships, the same is applied. If you want nothing more than your partner to be happy, and he/she want's nothing more than your happiness, then you have found the right equation.
What things do you do in your relationships to see that your love relationships are your priority?

When you love someone else, you are constantly thinking, what would be in their best interest?
Selfishness thinks only of oneself.  Love thinks of others.
It's not about what you can get.  The power you can wield.  It's about what you can give. How can you help?  What can you do to make their life easier?  What would make them smile?  
It's not about following blindly, or losing yourself within someone else.  It's about helping them to shine and you grow from their glow.

Love is shown in similar forms all day every day and can be displayed with everyone you meet.
Love is opening the door for someone else. 
...letting someone go in front of you in line.
... buying someone else's order.
... smiling

Following the simplicity of this rule, sometimes, showing love, by putting others first isn't always easy.  At times, there are tough choices to be made still keep their best interests in mind.  
By putting others first, does not mean you become a doormat.  (That is usually the first argument I get when I talk on this.)  It does not mean you have to do whatever the other person says, just to make them happy.  It does not mean that you have to go against your beliefs or endanger you or your family in any way.  If they ask you to do any of those things, they are not seeing you through eyes of love and you will have to make some tough decisions.
Sometimes you have to make that call to the addiction hotline to get your love some help.
Sometimes it means you have to walk away from an abusive relationship to save yourself.
Sometimes you have to stand firm on a decision if it means the best for your family.
Love does NOT mean to follow blindly.  If the other person loved you, was putting YOU first, you wouldn't have to be making these difficult decisions.  You can love them, still, and love yourself too.  By putting others first, it is a sacrifice.  But you shouldn't be in love by yourself. 
Recognize love coming back to you.  Recognize when it does not.

Love is putting others first.  The end.  If the ones you are in a relationship with are not putting you first?  They are not in love.  If you are not putting them first?  Guess what?  You're not in love either.

It Boils Down to a Choice

I love getting your emails.  I am honored that you include me in your life and seek me out to help you through your troubles.  It keeps me tuned in to the issues I need to address as a whole, because none of us are facing struggle of a "unique" nature.  I promise you, someone, somewhere is going through a similar situation.
I am not here to judge.  I am not here to make you feel bad.  I'm not here to mock you.
I am here to help lift you up. support you, give you my best advice and pray for you.  But I can't fix things for you.
The one common denominator I have been seeing lately is, lack of accountability. Looking to blame... not wanting to take responsibility for your part.

Every day, we have choices to make.  Nothing happens overnight.
-Your marriage/relationship is failing.
-You've slipped into alcoholism, drug abuse, addiction of any number of things
-You are unhealthily over-weight.
-You have diabetes
-You are broke.

Granted, there are extremes to every example and obviously I can't address those, but in general, you are the reason you are where you are.
What decisions have you made lately?

Nothing happens overnight.

The end result accumulates from dozens of little decisions you make along the way.
Affairs are always a choice. 
You choose to say yes to another drink.  
You choose to eat things that you know are bad for your body.
You choose where your money goes.  You choose to live beyond your means.

I do not say these things to be cruel or seem unfeeling.  But the moment, the VERY moment we choose to take control of our lives, you WILL see a change.
And, no, I don't sit from lofty grounds looking down at the masses.  I am right there with you.
I am on a mandatory diet because I couldn't put down the Cherry Vanilla Pepsi.  (Have you tried that?? Omigosh!  It's like CRACK!!  I went from drinking NO soda to one, two or three sodas a day... My waistline responded immediately!)
While this may be a minor example, it just shows that it starts with ONE decision... and with that one decision to purchase a case of soda, also came with the foods that go best with soda.  Pizza, popcorn, chips...
It stops with one decision as well.  This one may be a bit harder, but what I choose as a priority dominates my decisions.  My body isn't happy when I poison it with too much junk and it is sure to let me know!  It is a priority that I no longer want to be uncomfortable in my clothes.  It is now a priority to not spend my money on things that are not beneficial to me.
Yes, I am going through withdrawals and it is tough, but I've made my decision.

What decisions are you making to strengthen your relationships?  Are you making your mate your priority?  Are you allowing someone else to distract you from the one you are committed to?  Make your partner your top priority.

Are you struggling with an addiction?  Make the choice for a different tomorrow.  Do it right now and find someone to help hold you accountable and get you through to the next decision.  One decision at a time.  It starts with one.

I am here to help you, and we'll get back to that, but before you tell me what everyone else is doing to you, and how it's their fault, check to see what choices you have made to contribute to the situation.  Yes, I said contribute.  Because if we realize it or not, our choices have helped get us here.

It starts with one decision.  Turn yourself toward the right path one choice at a time.

The Art of Saying "No"

It is human nature to want to please others.  We all have a need deep inside us whether we like to admit it or not, to have acceptance and praise from someone else.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Like I said, it's a basic human need.  The trouble begins when you are so busy taking care of others needs that you deprive your self of your own.  I am extremely guilty of this.

Saying "yes" when someone asks something of you feels good.  I love to say "yes".  It's such a tiny little word and it makes everyone so happy that I just tend to say it all the time without thinking of the consequences. I guess I am most guilty of not thinking my "yeses" through.  They just slip out before I have a chance to realize all that is involved with that tiny little, three-letter word.

We live in a fast-paced world and our need for instant gratification sometimes overrides our thought process.  We are never out of reach or contact from the world.  We rush from work to after-school activities to events to errand to errand to errand... From the moment we wake up until we fall listlessly into our beds it is a constant go, go, go.  It might not feel like it in the moment, but after time it builds up into a lovely ball of stress.  Right there... in your gut...

There is hope... for some, lol. 

The art of saying "no".  
While your knee-jerk emotion to telling someone "no", is selfishness, but more times than not, the opposite is true.
You know you already have existing commitments. If we were honest it could probably fill up our time completely already.  It is our duty to fulfill those commitments to the best of our ability.  And the more we take on, the less we can give to our already full schedule.  Does that make sense?

When we become over-committed, someone, somewhere is going to be disappointed.  And let's face it, it usually blasts back on our family, and ourselves.  I'm not saying this as a guilt-trip, but hopefully more as an eye-opener.  As I mentioned before, I am so very guilty of over filling my plate, too many irons in the fire and my children have had to sometimes put their needs on the back burner.  
"Hi, my name is Elizabeth, and I'm a workaholic."

Now that my children are grown, it's my needs that get put on the back burner.  I go and go and go until my body literally shuts me down for a bit and then I go again at the same pace.

The art of saying "no" is for our benefit, yes, and for those around us.  Because if we can't be at the top of our game, we can't offer our best to others.
Saying "no" gives you back the control over your life and that feels good too.
Need help?  Try these tips:

- List all your current commitments from your personal, social and professional life and decide what is important to you and what could go by the wayside.  Order these from top priority and down the list.

-Set some soft goals.  This will give you a broader view of where your life stands and how you can get the most done.   Use short term. mid-length and long term goals to get everything on your calendar.

-Watch out for the sneaky small stuff.  What always seems to put me under are the little promises I make to myself and others that will "only take a minute".  Those minutes add up!  Every time you say "yes" to something, you take away more time.  Remember that!

- No time for guilt.  Don't feel guilty for saying "no"!  You can't be all things to all people!  You can't live your life for other people.  In the end, it will just be you.  (Have you ever had those tasks you said "yes" to and then thought to yourself, Why did I do that?  I don't even like her??)  Don't let other people guilt you into taking over their tasks.  You have enough of your own to contend with!

-Think about the long term.  If you are asked to do something, take just a second more and think before you speak.  You can say "no" just as quickly as saying "yes" and the impact will vary quite a bit!  If saying "yes" is a win-win, then you have my blessing!  But if you can foresee more stress in your near future (because you're taking that extra second to think about it) then choose the "no".

-When you do have to say "no", be respectful but firm.  I hate having to tell people I can't help them out, or take on that extra shift or assignment.  I just hate it.  But when I know that I can't possibly take on another task, I am confident in my answer.  I don't like to leave room for begging or guilt.  My "no" is my final answer.  And no, I'm still not good at it, but I'm getting better.  

As I have gotten older, my priorities are changing and my body is speaking a bit more loudly than it used to reminding me that I am no longer 20.  
Saying "yes" does feel good in the moment, but there are times when it brings more regret than good feelings.  
Learn the art of saying "no".  Don't be hateful, don't be rude.  But decide what you can handle and what is best to take a step back from.

And, I've discovered, the more "no's" you say, the more time you have just for yourself.  I've caught a glimpse of it... it's nice.  But before I see it again, I have to complete all this work already on my plate!! 
Will I ever learn??

Don't be me... go spend your limited time with the people who are important to you and doing the things you love to do. Work, assignments, favors, tasks, errands, commitments... they will always be there and people will always try and unload their list onto you... be choosy.  Save some time for you. 

Back to Basics

The New Year is well under way and it looks like it's going to be a busy one!
2015 was awfully good to me and I expect nothing less from 2016.

For those who know me or have come to know me, can attest to the sheer diversity I have in my life.  I am into all kinds of things!  This year will be no different!

Last year, Daddy's Girl was released and given great reviews.  This year, A Detour Home will continue the series in Bakersfield, AR with some familiar names, and introduce new characters to grow our lovely family.

Last year, this site was all about me.  
Late last year I opened up the Book Club to allow new authors an opportunity to get their work in front of new audiences.  And you, my audience, my readers, my friends have made them feel very welcome and I am so happy and proud that you have warmly accepted these new visitors.  
They find me through a website called Fiverr and they pay five dollars to promote their book.  I started this because my on-line bills were starting to out weigh their income, so the Fiverr would off-set it and help me out.  I didn't want to compromise my site with a bunch of unsightly banners or advertisements so this seemed to fit in nicely.  And, thanks to you, it now completely pays for all my websites, fees, and other silly stuff I am responsible for.  
Sure, it started with the intention for a small income, but then I was able to "meet" some of these brilliant authors!  There's a little bit of everything in the Book Club!  If you need a new read (and you've already read my whole collection, Lol) there are SO many choices!!  My to-read list is growing by leaps and bounds.  There is fiction and non-fiction and something for every age group!  I am so happy I chose to do this.
One of my favorite quotes by Zig Zigglar is, "You can have everything you want, if you help others to get what they want."  That is SO true!  I love seeing these new authors post their books on my site!  They are so passionate and creative and amazing!  And, like I said, you have made them feel so welcome!!
(And I know your favorite way to correspond with me is through e-mail, but I would be so grateful if you'd show a little love in the comment sections.  These authors could use some positive feedback!  Don't be shy! They are good people and who doesn't need a little positive reinforcement?)

Next- at the end of 2015, my daughter and I opened a vapor shop called Phoenix Vapes.  Talk about a new world!!  I am learning so much!  If you are unfamiliar, it is proving to be the best, and healthiest option for people to quit smoking.  The most common term is the e-cis, or electronic cigarette.  (It is WAY more complex than that, but I didn't want to bore you with all kinds of extra details!  But please visit the website if you'd like to know more!) It opened in November and we are still in the scary first quarter stage, but I am feeling pretty good about it.  It's my first "brick and mortar" venture for quite some time and let me tell you how it not only sucks up money, but it sucks up quite a bit of time as well!!  So, my writing has been put on the back burner for a minute until I can create a new schedule that includes everything.  For the last few months Phoenix Vapes has been front and center, but now I need to get back to my writing.
Which brings me to...

More website changes...  I am thinking of taking down the on-line store of this website and just promote my books and my upcoming events and of course, the Book Club.  My goal for 2016 is to expand to the online courses we've talked about before, but time has not allowed it to happen.  I'm not ignoring your requests, by any means... I just have to get back into the swing of things.  That being said.  I believe I'm going to have all my online courses, available through my newest website, Your Love Principles.
If you visit there, you'll see it has its own Book Club too.  
I was told that if I wanted to go down all these separate paths that I was going to have to divide into separate entities.  Apparantly, they were right.  I tried to do it all through this one website, but it was not working.  So, my relational work will be transferred to Your Love Principles. 

On that same note, unfortunately, my work with teens has to go online as well.  (which makes me sad) With the new Phoenix Vapes opening, I am unable to travel and have pretty much locked myself into one space until it gets secure.  So, I'll be creating online workshops for my teens and will just have to miss that face to face connection that I love so much for just a little while. 

Whoo!  This blog turned out to be longer than I expected! Lol!  But there you have it... So, if I'm missing from here, check one of the other sites or I'll be helping the world quit smoking! 
Thanks for sticking by me...


Links you might be interested in:
​
Looking to Quit Smoking?  Phoenix Vapes will be available by Feb 1 for online purchases.  Click here for more details.

Looking for a good romance fiction?  A self-help relationship guide?  And soon to be the home of Elizabeth Bourgeret's online relationship courses.  Click here.

Visit the Elizabeth Bourgeret's Book Club and see what she means with a huge variety of good reads, study material, audio books, and even coloring books.  A little bit of everything.  Make these authors feel welcome! 

For a complete selection of kids and Young Adult books, helpful advice for working from home, and all around family life, check out Elizabeth's Momma's Kids.

And finally, follow Elizabeth on Facebook!

Simple Intimacy

​Holding hands.  Such a simple act.  You see it done every where you go, so much so that like so many other relational things, it has lost its value.  It is taken for granted.
To me, holding hands is more intimate than kissing.  If you think about it, you pretty much kiss all kinds of people… friends, family, pets, that aunt with the three hairs coming out of her chin... You kiss on a first date because you almost feel obligated... Some cultures even replace shaking hands with kissing each cheek... You kiss babies whether they belong to you or not... (Kissing has a whole other "article" full of oxytocin releasing benefits, but that is not our focus today.)
 
But holding hands… that is reserved for our children and grandchildren and the one we are in a relationship with.  That’s pretty much it.  This simple, gentle act shows security, trust, acceptance and intimacy.
 
Holding hands reduces stress.
Yes, sometimes we hold a friend’s hand, but think about when that happens.  You reach out to a friend when you or they are in need.  You need more support, you need strength, you need a boost in courage.  There is usually some stress involved.  Hand holding has actually been scientifically proven to help reduce stress.  It can work with anyone holding your hand during stressful times, but is more effective when it is someone you are connected with.
 
Holding hands is a method for coping.
My best friend’s brother died.  I had my hand in hers whenever I was close enough to grasp it.  It gave her peace, to know I was there for her.  It gave her courage to face the details that had to be taken care of, and the millions of faces she had to smile for and it gave her a release from pain when she squeezed as she cried.. 
It was my hand that she held at the birth of each of her sons.  And all for the same reasons.  Her husband was there as well, but sometimes you just need that extra link of encouragement from someone you trust implicitly.  
One was intense pain, the other incredible pleasure (albeit through pain) and yet holding a hand fed her soul in all the ways she needed it.
 
Holding hands creates a connection.
You sometimes hold hands in prayer, and that is to bind your hearts one to another.  You hold hands when you have a common bond.  You feel connected to others and seek out the intimate display of affection more in times of fear, doubt, praise, and peace. 
Children seek out security through holding hands.  When a child reaches out and randomly grabs my hand, my heart sours because that tells me that they are comfortable with me and trust me to submit to such a vulnerable action.  I always try to respond to such a request!
 
 
Holding hands speaks volumes. 
It makes a statement of who you are in my life.  When someone reaches to hold my hand, that means they are a part of my inner circle.  They are privy to a private piece of me.  They have access to my heart.  It is reserved for a select few.  If I hold hands with you in public,romantically,  it shows that I am in a committed relationship.  I hold the hands of those I love as often as they will allow me.

 
Holding hands is such an easy thing to fall into when you are with someone you care about.  It’s something that happens naturally when you have reached a comfortable level in a relationship.  When your hands naturally fall to your sides, but seek that other companion hand, and it is always there, that is a feeling that is... better than most.

This Is For You...

If you are reading this, know that it is written for you...

Life is not easy.  There are thousands of choices and decisions that we have to make on a daily basis.  Every day is unpredictable and the choices that we initially make, may not turn out exactly how we had planned so we must be flexible enough to make new choices and decisions based on whatever new information that is presented us.  Some days, it's tough to get back on that horse.  Other days, you can't wait to get started and dare anything to try and slow you down!

My days fall between those perimeters and everywhere in between as I'm sure your do.  Lately, even though I have the world at my feet.  I have felt lost.  I have many projects going- most of them huge- so I get myself into states of overwhelm.  Sometimes it's hard to put on a smile because I can't see the outcomes and worry about "wasting my time" at this thing or that. But then... there's you.

You bring a smile to my face.  A real, sincere smile.  You give me an energy boost and the encouragement to keep moving forward.  You remind me that I am here to do that same thing for you, as well.  We balance.

No one is perfect, and we shouldn't be expected to be perfect.  Sometimes I need you, sometimes you need me.  You make me feel needed and important despite my many imperfections.  You lovingly allow me to take a step back to re-gather myself then encourage me to continue.  You let me know that I don't have to always be strong and that I am allowed to be imperfect.

I thank you for that.

While I am here to support you in your relationships, your parenting and guiding you to a more fulfilling life, you allow me time to do that for myself.

Your emails, reviews, fb comments and texts remind me that you need me. I am honored to be a part of your life.  (Your emails tell me that the break after Daddy's Girl release has been long enough!)

So, I am back to work!  But let me leave you with this as I jump back into the fray...
You may not know the impact you have on others, but trust me, you do.  Your words, your smile, your attitude- positive or negative has an impact on those around you, whether you mean for it to or not!  Choose kindness.

Your smile, your kind words can make the difference in someone's day.  

You are the reason I wake up every morning and continue this work.  

I am grateful for you.  You give me purpose.

This is for you... Thank you.