Elizabeth Bourgeret's Blog, page 12

Eat Cake!

Birthdays mean different things to different people.  There was a time that I preferred not to celebrate my birthday and would allow the day to just come and go as if it were just another day.  Then I decided, wait a second!  It's NOT just another day.  I have made it a WHOLE additional year!  And if every day is a gift!  That's an extra 365 gifts given to lil ol me.
These days, I celebrate my birthday.  I am having the time of my life!  I've reached the age that the tiniest things don't stress me out.  I find beauty and love all over the place!  I know that worrying is just a waste of time.  I have made mistakes, but they didn't kill me and have taught me many, many lessons.  I have done the best I could with the resources I had to be the best mother I could be.  I have grandchildren... I enjoy the fact that I have been granted another one.  I may not do anything big, or public, but there will be cake.

Cake means there is something to celebrate.  I am something to celebrate.  I am loved.  I may not have accomplished every thing I have set out to do, but I've been given another birthday to keep trying.
I have lived a full life and in case this IS my last birthday, I'm not at all upset.  I can look back and see all the wonderful people who have shared my life in the past and how they have made a difference.  Some have stayed for a long time, others for only a season, still others were merely a blip on the screen, but I'm a firm believer that people come in to your life for a reason.
So, I am happy that YOU are in my life.  Thank you for being a part and helping me to continue to fulfill my dreams and help others along the way. I am happy that this is where my life's path has lead me.  I am looking forward to what the future has to offer and I promise to be grateful for all the moments in between.

Today is my birthday.  Celebrate with me.  Appreciate all the things that have happened to bring you here.  Love the people that are in your life now today and all your yesterdays.  And above all...Eat cake!!

Success Is...

What is success?  Is there just one answer?  If you get if wrong are you doomed to failure for the rest of your days?  I think not.

With the beginning of a new year people tend to reflect on their life.  Where are they going?  Where have they been?  What's worked and what hasn't.  What happens next.  I think we all strive for success, some more than others.  But in the end, we want to look back on our lives and say ,"Yes, I was successful". 

The common answer for "What is success?"  is usually equated to making money.  Lots of money.  Ridiculous amounts of money.  Success equals riches.  But hopefully after reading today's article, I hope you will view things a little differently.

 So what is success?  I'm going to tell you.  And I think you might be surprised by my answer.

Success Is Perception.  You're idea of success and someone else's idea of success could be completely different.  When you look at other people's lives and are perhaps unimpressed with what they have achieved you may be shocked to find that they are gleefully happy with the abundance of success they've had.  Something as regular as cooking a meal for a large number of people comes as second nature to a person that comes from a large family or works in a restaurant, but could have been a major challenge for the new bride that is taking on Christmas dinner for her new in-laws and her own family.  If she doesn't serve the turkey raw or the potatoes lumpy and keeps the tiered cake on top of each other, that... is success.  

Success Is Personal.  Success can only be found by pursuing your own dreams, not by following the dreams others force on you.  Meaning, you and only you can decide what success means to you.  I met a man once who became a doctor.  His father was a doctor, his brother was a doctor his grandfather was a doctor, even his daughter was studying to be a doctor.  He had his own practice, the nice home, the nice car and all the other cushy stuff that comes along with it.  By anyone else's standards, he was a success.  But by his own, his was living his father's dream for him.  He wanted to work on cars.  Rebuild cars.  It wasn't until he gave up his practice to "retire" and built a garage in his backyard and started to rebuild his first car, that he considered himself a success.  His path to "success" was a long time coming.  

"Success is when you've reached a personal goal."
- Katherynn Bourgeret-Caldwell

Your vision of success is completely your own.  You may achieve the exact same thing as someone else and not feel anything, because it wasn't what your idea of success was.  You're idea of success may be as simple as a balanced checkbook, filling up your day planner with activities or owing a Lexus.  Whatever you have in your mind that is success, will have a greater impact on you than fulfilling someone else's goal list.  (Which is why they say if you don't have a goal for yourself, you'll be helping someone else reach their goal!)

Success Is Satisfaction.  There is no point in being rich if you can't enjoy it. I'm sure you've heard of the people who've "made it".  They reached that such-n -such dollar amount and are considered successful, but they are so busy working that they can't even enjoy their success!  If making more money is going to be your idea of success then absolutely, go for it!  but I can't help but feel that you're are more likely to enjoy the "rich" part if you enjoy the getting there part.  Do what you love and you will be "rich".  Know when it's enough.  Don't lose your happiness for the sake of your success.

"Success is getting what you want.  Happiness is wanting what you get."
- Dale Carnegie
"Success is measured by your happiness and not the material things you have in your life."
-Jennifer Largent

Success Is Happiness.  The truth is, we have little successes everyday.  As we lay our head on our pillows at night, if we were only to take a moment and reflect on the things that happened that day, I wouldn't be at all surprised if we found many, many successes that we just forgot to celebrate.  If you are pushing and pushing toward a goal and it has lost it's happiness factor, perhaps it isn't for you.  Even if it's something mundane and unexciting as eliminating debt, it should still bring you some joy.  It might mean that you have to work extra hours, (not fun) or cut back on your spending (also not fun) but if you don't feel a sense of accomplishment watching that big overwhelming number get smaller and smaller, then it's not bringing you happiness.  And you should perhaps find another way to reach that goal.
If I've said it once, I've said it a million times, your large goals are made up of smaller, achievable, daily goals.  Learn to recognize the daily successes you reach and be happy.  It's not worth it in the long run if it steals your happiness.

"Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success.  If you love what you are doing, you'll be successful."
-Albert Schweitzer

Success Is Sharing.  Success can be learned.  We are not all born knowing that we can have all the things we want if we just go after them.  Some have been trained that you get what you get and that's all there is.  That makes me so sad.  There are hundreds upon hundreds of examples out there of people who came from nothing and have made something of themselves.  They became successful.  They could go to sleep at night knowing they did what they needed to do to feel successful.
Success is Action, Determination, Passion... success is all those things but it is also learned.
One of the best ways to enjoy your success is to share it with others.  Don't keep it all to yourself.  Teach, help others to rise up from where they are and be the person they want to be. When you help others get to where they want to go, the universe gives back to you.  And while that may sound like mumbo-jumbo, I promise you that it is fact.  
Be grateful for your successes.  And make sure the people around you, the ones that helped you get there know how much they mean to you. Give.  Share.  Teach. Show gratitude.

"Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success is how you treat other people.  Your family, friends, co-workers and even strangers you meet along the way."
-Barbara Bush

Success Is A Continuous Journey.  Success should never be considered a one way street.  It's more than one street.  It takes alleys and intersections, mountains and valleys.  It goes up and it goes down.  It is never-ending.  One success will lead to another.  You're constantly building and growing and learning.  And when you reach your life goals... make new ones.  Keep doing the things that work.  Cut out the things that don't.  Nothing stays the same.  Be flexible and always hunger for more.  If you reach your life's goal and then quit, watch and see how fast everything will unravel!  You have to stay in the game.  Keep moving.  Keep growing.  Keep setting new goals.

"Success is not final: failure is not final; it is the courage to continue that counts."
-"Winston Churchill

Success Is Balance.  To me, this is the meaning of success.  You can have it all, and you should strive for that.  
Money - Happiness - Family & Friends - Security - Health - Peace of Mind - Hope
You need all these things to be balanced and feel successful.  Take even one off the list and you are thrown off-balance.
If you have all the money you could ever want, but you have lost your family in the process, that is not success. 
If you have the biggest mansion on the street but have worked yourself to near death, and you are alone, that is not success.  
If you stole the money to get that need met, you would have it, but you would no longer have peace of mind.  You'd always be looking over your shoulder, wondering when you'll be caught.  That is not success.
You have reached your goal but have lost everything else in the process and finally you lose hope.  That is not success.
We all know examples of the above stories.  The news and celebrity magazines are covered with them.
Balance is the key to success.  You need happiness, health, enough money to not have to worry, security, friends and family, when you lay your head down at night you have peace of mind and hope.  You need a little bit of all these things to find true success.

Not everyone's list will be prioritized in the same way, but every one of these needs should be met for a balanced, successful life.
If you are struggling to make ends meet, then I can see how finances would be top of the list, but don't sacrifice the other items to secure more money.  There is nothing wrong with wanting money.  There is nothing wrong with wanting lots of money.  The problem comes when that's your only focus, and it will cost you in the long run.
Your list will change in its order, but if you find happiness in each of these, you will be truly successful indeed.

"What money can't buy...
Money will buy you a house, but it won't buy a home,
Money will buy you a companion or followers but it won't buy you a friend,
Money will buy you a bed, but it won't buy you a good night's sleep,
Money will buy you a good time, but it won't buy you peace of mind."
-Zig Zigler


Coming soon, I'll discuss the critical success factors to help you reach every goal on your list!! Be sure to stay tuned and check back often!

Watch Your Love Blossom

Photo by Steve Frank Have you ever heard the saying, "If you don't water the plant, if will surely die"?  It is not only referring to your lovely house plants, it is referring to your relationships.  Far, far too often we take our relationships for granted and "coast" assuming that since everything has been fine, it should continue to be fine.  That is so not true.  In fact that's a guaranteed way to slowly deteriorate your relationship. 

Your relationship with your mate is possibly the most important relationship that you choose to go into.  One that you have to work the hardest at and one that should never be taken for granted.  But it is also the one that will have the biggest effect on your overall happiness in your everyday life.  I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.  When you have a fight with your partner it affects you for the whole day, am I right?  Looking at the bigger picture, the partner you choose will have that kind of power over your emotions whether you want him/her to or not.  Whether you fight it or not or whether you can hide it or not, it will still get to you.

Love WILL die because of neglect.  Love is a constant emotion.  It will grow when it is fed and it will die if left un-tended.  Like a plant, it will whither away with out regular "feedings."  You need to take an active role in your partner's life, feeding, encouraging and never letting doubt creep in.  If you get to the point where you take your love for granted, it has already begun to whither away and death is imminent. 

Love is an unselfish thing.  You think about what your partner wants or needs before you do anything, make decisions, before you act.  Lust is a selfish act.  You are thinking only of your self gratification.  To love unselfishly is an act of trust and commitment.  You have to trust that your partner will do the same for you.  One of my favorite things to remind couples is that if you are both giving 100%, (Not 50/50) nothing can fall through the cracks.  You are giving one hundred percent to your relationship, and so is your partner.  That's loving unconditionally and unselfishly.  

That doesn't mean there won't be problems, but you go into them knowing that no one is going to run away.  You're going to work them out, together.
This same rule applies to watering the plants.

Don't let things become stale.  Don't just assume things.  It's one thing to "know" your partner, it's another to assume to know things.  Take what you  know, and use it to enhance your relationship. 

Loving and connecting to others is a trait that comes naturally to me, but to others its a skill that needs to be learned.  It may feel uncomfortable at first, or maybe even forced, but if you stick with it, you'll be able to see how your love will grow into a sincere, deep, enduring love.  Here are a few ideas to help get you started.

Never stop dating each other.  Always court her.  Dress up for him.  Keep things fresh.  Become aware of areas that you might have let things lapse. It might be a pain to apply make-up after a long day of child wrangling, but it will make your man feel loved and appreciated.  Don't want to take a walk while the game is on, I get it, but it will make her feel special and important.  Boredom can quickly kill a relationship.

Make each other a priority.  End of story.  His/her needs should never fall too low on your list.  I understand that life is busy but this is the person that you have chosen to be your partner.  The one that you want with you through the good times and the bad and if you neglect that relationship, you will end up alone and always searching for what you might have had all along.  It's more than romance.  It's respect.  It's value.  It's friendship. Nothing that is worth anything comes easy.  Invest in your partner and it will pay you back it triplicate. 

Quality time.  When you are able to carve out some time for each other, make sure there are no other interruptions.  Make your mate the most important, beautiful, loved person in the room.

Communication.  Keep the lines of communication open.  Don't let to much time pass before you settle differences.  Say, "I love you" every night before you fall asleep whether your angry or not.  Make sure your partner knows that no matter what, you're still there.  NEVER, never let doubt creep into his/her thoughts.  The imagination can be a wicked thing and we tend to think the worse.  Don't be afraid to open up to each other.  Develop that trust with one another.  It can only make your relationship stronger.

If you are a parent, the best thing you can do for your children is to show them that you love and respect their other parent.  Children will grow up feeling more secure and will be less likely to fall into un-loving, defeating relationships.  

When love is tended to, it will grow and blossom within itself and spread to the other areas of your life.  

Grow your love and watch what happens.

Following Your Dreams

My daughter gave me a necklace for Christmas.  It’s a pretty, simple, elegant silver ring with the words Follow Your Dreams etched into it.  I love it.  My girl knows her momma.  Knows that I’ve been itching for more, but too afraid to go after the things that I really want.  Always coming up with excuses or finding what seemed to be legitimate reasons for why I couldn’t do certain things.  I would let the wrong people influence me so I would catch myself giving up or procrastinating. This thoughtful gift gave me permission to go find the “more”  I am so desperately needing.  So, more than the esthetics, I’ve decided to take the advice of the jewelry and my girl.  2014 will bring on a different set of resolutions for me.  Instead of following my usual routine that helps me get through the year, I’m going to focus on things that I think are going to make me happy.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to dive off the deep end, but this year I’m going to add goals that specifically will get me closer to my dreams.  If the goal doesn’t get me closer to where I eventually want to be, then it gets put off lower down the list.

Which leaves me to decide what my real dreams are and create a break-down list of things I need to do to get me there.

The dreams, they have to be realistic.  They can be big, fantastic even, but they must be reachable.  Most of my “dreams” have been put on my long-term goal list.  Meaning something that I could eventually reach, but I’m not in any real hurry to get there.  And every once in a while, I’d work on them.  But this year, I’m switching things up.  I’ve decided to pull a couple of my smaller dreams, ones that could actually be reached in twelve months, and bring them into focus.  They are the ones I’m going after this year.

The break down.  My usual goals, which have become habitual, like setting money away for savings, or paying down debt, simplifying life, those are still in place.  Every year, I try to add new goals to always help me continue to grow and become the Elizabeth 2.0 version.  This year will be no different, just more focused.

You can do it too.  We can compare notes!

What are your dreams?  Are there a couple that could be reached in a year if you concentrate specifically on them?  What do you need to learn to get you closer?  Are there any books, courses or college you need that will benefit you?  Do you need to start setting aside money for your dream to come true?  How much?  How much can you afford to set aside each week?  What time adjustments to do you have to make to work on these goals?  Do you have a support team in place?  If not, who could you ask to encourage you?  Who could you call on to help you?  Think of people that could mentor you, support you, teach you, fuel you.  Can you handle the naysayers that ARE going to come at you?  Create your timeline of how long and when things need to be implemented on your plan.  Break things down to where they are comfortable and reachable for you.  If you try to take to big of bites, you’re more likely to get intimidated and give up. (Trust me on this...)  Plus, the smaller completions, the more you have to celebrate!  And you’ll look forward to the little successes almost as much as the big one.

It’s a new year.  Time to wipe the slate clean and make 2014 the year you want.  Make it the year that when you look back on it from 2015, you’ll be proud.  And you’ll have grown as a person and your self-confidence has gotten bigger: stronger making your future options better and better.

I’m excited at the possibilities of 2014.  I am excited to seem my dreams come a little closer.  I’m excited to hear what you are doing to make your dreams come true.

It’s 2014, y’all.  Follow your dreams!!

The End

As an author the words, "The End" have a profound significance.  I spend hours upon hours trying to get to that part of the story.  And then, I need to be happy about the journey.  I need you, the reader, to be just as happy on the journey as I was if not more.  I don't just write for me, I write for you.

I have written countless articles and pieces of the non-fiction variety and am now even publishing some of those as well, but when I reach the end of those there doesn't seem to be as much stress involved.  I really enjoy writing non-fiction, probably in part because of the lack of stress, but I am a knowledge junkie.  Non-fiction is all about research and regurgitating information in a pleasing format.  And if you can add in some of your own personal experience or wisdom on the issue, all the better.  But it doesn't bother me if someone doesn't rave over my non-fiction work.

But I just completed my second fiction that I am getting ready to publish.  Which means I'm sending it out for the public to hopefully enjoy and get pleasure from.  There is a lot more stress and pressure when writing a piece of fiction.

In a way, you would think it would be easier because I can make everything up!  I mean everything!  I don't really have to fact check and it makes me laugh when people try to tell me that I'm "wrong" about stuff.  Guess what?!  I made it up!  Lol.  But I digress, the down side of making everything up, is that you have to... make-everything-up.  The characters, from head to toe, their emotions, thier choices, their conflicts.  The town, the setting, the plot...  All the pieces have to fit together neatly, and all the questions have to be answered... AND it has to be entertaining! I will lay in bed for hours trying to put all these things together.  Oh! The stress!  When I offer up a fiction to the public, there are days of stress before there is even a need for it.  I don't stress about the sales, I don't stress about the distribution or the book signings (or lack thereof), I stress about you.

I spend so much time trying to get to "The End" and have a piece of work that I can be proud of and a whole story that you can get caught up in; characters that you grow to love, and hate.  Characters that become real to you and you miss them when they're not around.  I stress out that if this is the second book you're reading of mine, that you'll give it a fair chance.  I stress out that you will allow me to expand my horizons and branch out into other areas of interest.  I stress that you won't love the characters and the story the way that I do.  I stress that you'll put mean things on Amazon...  See?  It's a wonder I get any sleep at all!

But I couldn't stop the writing process.  Even if I wanted to.  Getting to those two little words, "The End", gives me such a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction and an inner peace that I can't even explain.  So even with all the stress that goes along with it, I am driven to get to those two little words.  They have such an impact on my daily life.  

In the beginning, when they are so far away, I can take time, getting to know the people in my stories and learn what they're capable of and what troubles they're going to get in to.  I always know how the story is going to end, but sometimes the stuff in the middle surprises even me!  So in the middle, when the end is just a blurry vision, I get more excited at how things are fleshing out and want to introduce them to everyone, but I have to be still for a little longer.  And then... when the end is sooo close, I am locked into the story and in front of my computer for as many hours as possible.   The rest of my life pretty much gets put on hold because I am so driven to get to be able to type those two little words! (My friends and family are very understanding!)

Then the day comes...  I type, The End.  All the stress I felt before goes away; and I offer my work to the next person in the business chain of writing.  Everything I was worried about seems to disappear and I am comfortable with whatever will be.  The outcome of the success or failure of story is in your hands.

Don't get me wrong, I am riveted to the Amazon review pages and watching my numbers, and am really and truly pleased when someone likes my work.  I am so flattered every single time someone takes time out of their life to tell me that they enjoyed my stories, articles or books or even better, fills in those five little stars on Amazon or Goodreads!  So now you know how important those two little words are in the eyes of this author.  Oh, did mention that there's always a treat of ice cream waiting for me after every "The End"?!  As if I needed more incentive!

Share the Love- 20 Ways to Show Someone You Care!

The Christmas season is an excellent time of year to pour love out on everyone you come in contact with!  For some reason, during this time of year, people are more generous and giving than in other times.  And people are more accepting of love and displays of affection than in other times of the year.  I can tell you, I get away with hugging more people in December than in any other month!  And yes, I abuse the privilege!

So don't miss out on your opportunity to share in the pleasure of giving love to others.  Here's just a few suggestions to get you started...

1. Donate to a charity in someone's name.  There are so many worthwhile causes out there and some people are uncomfortable accepting gifts so this is the perfect solution!

2. Baked Goods.  Give the gift of homemade cakes or cookies or other yummy snacks.  And as an extra bonus, spend the day making the treats with someone you love!

3. Tell someone something you admire about them.  Everyone enjoys hearing a kind word.  "Love the way you share with your sister."  "Great Customer service today!" "I love when you read our kids a story before bed.  You're creating great memories."

4. Invite a friend out for coffee.  Get to know them better over a steamy cup of java or hot chocolate.

5. Leave someone a secret encouraging note!  Make their day when they find a note saying something thoughtful like, "Way to go on that project!"  or "Thanks for cleaning your room without being told!" or "Just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you for all of your hard work."

6. Make some homemade Christmas cards and take them to the patients in a local hospital or send them to our soldiers that are stationed overseas.

7. Ask what the best part of their day has been, and then listen!  Don't interrupt!

8. Remind someone how much you enjoy having them in your life.

9. HUGS!!! 

10. Actions speak louder than words!  Do it!  Don't just say it!  If you've been promising to do something, now's the time!

11. Do something unexpected.  Bring donuts into work.  Clean the ice off the neighbor's car.  Take out the trash.  Offer to cook dinner.  

12. Pay it Forward.  Participate in random acts of kindness.  Donate toys, food or money to a good holiday benefit.  Pay for a stranger's meal or coffee.  Give a random person a gift.  Volunteer.

13. Gift a small gift... just cause.

14.  Smile!  Look people in the eye!

15. Say it!  "I care for you." "I love you." "You are special to me." "You're amazing just the way you are."

16. Pass on the gift of music.  Donate new cd's to the children's ward at a hospital or church or just some stranger walking down the street!  Do you play an instrument?  Can you carry a tune?  Go and sing/play for a senior living center or hospital or even on a street corner!

17. Watch a favorite holiday movie with someone special.

18. Put your phone away and ask questions.  Get some one-on-one time with each member of your family or a close friend or a co-worker or someone sitting alone at the airport.

19. Enjoy the Christmas light displays either by walking, driving or carriage ride!

20.  Buy ANYTHING a child is selling!  If they took the time and the courage to ask you... buy.  You'll do wonders for their self-esteem! (Parents! Don't do it FOR them!)

Christmas is a magical time of year.  Take advantage of it and share the love!  Happy holidays everyone!

Chime in!  What are some things you do for the holidays to show others that you care?  Comment below!  I'd love to hear your feedback!

Regret

Regret- verb: to feel sad, repentant or disappointed over something that has happened or has been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity.

No one makes it through life without regrets.  Some can be minor and only bring a minor sting upon its remembrance, but others can feel like a heavy burden being drug around which can effect your present attitude and happiness in your future.

Many regrets come from decisions that we've made that we wish we hadn't but it seems the most painful regrets are the ones in which we chose NOT to do something.  We opted to take a safer, risk-free route instead of stepping out of our comfort zone and seeing what would happen.

Let's look first at what we can do with the regrets that we still have hanging around our neck.
-Face your regrets.  Really take a moment to look at them.  Why is it classified as a regret?  Was it a choice you made?  Was it something that was out of your control?  Something someone else did?  Pull all those painful, embarrassing, angry emotions up to the surface.
- Take responsibility for your part.  Avoid blaming others when you know ultimately we are rarely ever guilt-free.
-Forgive.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive anyone else that was involved.  Your past is your past.  Forgiveness is going to take away those heavy feelings and begin the healing process, which in turn lets you let go.
-Grieve.  Now's the time to get all those emotions out and let them go.  Sadness, anger, guilt, embarrassment... let them go.
-Learn from them.  Let every experience be a learning experience.  Don't make the same mistake twice. 

"I made decisions that I regret, and took them as a learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else."
                                                                          - Queen Latifah

And now, on to preventing those regrets of I wish I would have...
-Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.  All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Take a risk.  You'll never know if you don't try.  The hardest part is taking the first step.  
-It's better to have a lifetime of experiences and mistakes that helped you grow and hone your skills, rather than an empty lonely heart and a past of empty, un-fulfilled dreams.
-Don't let your past regret dominate your future goals.  Reach for your dreams.  You may fall short and you may even fail, but you'll never have to say, "I wish I had..."  Go after your dreams and don't let anyone discourage you.  Listen politely to others.  Take the advice you can use, discard the rest.  The final decision is yours.  You will have no one else to blame if you don't take the chance.
-It's not too late.  Start today.  You are on the cusp of a brand new year.  Take this opportunity to jot down a few goals or just some things you want to concentrate on for the new year.  How do you want to improve your mind?  Job?  Relationships?  Finances?  How will you choose to give back to others?  What new things are you excited about learning?  What do you have to do to get started?  Take that first step.

"Get correct views of life and learn to see the world in its true light.  It will enable you to live pleasantly, to do good and when summoned away, to leave without regret."
                                                                          -Robert E. Lee


Start making your list now, and start on the prep work in between all the holiday shopping, baking, and visiting so you'll be ready when the new year hits and you'll be able to hit the ground running!

Share your progress with me!  Get an accountability partner!  Get ready to launch an all new no regrets kind of year!!

"Thanks" Giving

The topic of being grateful is one that I feel is so vital, that I touch on it in every one of my seminars and workshops.  I call it the Attitude of Gratitude.  It's a way of thinking that impacts your whole life.  Not just for one day a year but all 365.  Whether I am speaking to children, parents, teens, couples, or co-workers, gratitude is a topic that has the power to change the attitude and atmosphere of a relationship.  Any relationship.  And even the way we think and feel about ourselves. I call it the Attitude of Gratitude.  A wonderful habit to aquire and keep alive all 365  Of course, this seems to be the perfect time of year to blog about it.  In fact, I think you might be a little disappointed in me if I blogged about anything BUT thankfulness this close to the holiday with Thanks in its title.

Thanksgiving is a time for families and feasting and while the commercialized version of the holiday spawned from football and kicking off the Christmas season, let's take it back to what WE have come to celebrate Thanksgiving for.  Being thankful and giving thanks.

You know, this isn't just a once a year thing, though.   You could get those warm fuzzy feelings all throughout the year.  In fact I encourage it.  When we put on a thankful attitude, it takes the edge off of the negative things that are thrown at us on a daily basis.  The harsh realities of life don't sting nearly as bad when we can reflect how good we really have it.  How "easy", by comparison, our lives really are.  There is and always will be someone that is worse off than we are or have a more difficult life.  Having an attitude of gratitude makes our hard times a little easier to get through.


Giving Thanks:
Tell them.  Show your appreciation. Literally, Give. Thanks.  It's something that we take for granted.  People do nice things for us all the time and we pay little attention to it.  Make it your habit to show thanks.  And when someone shows you grace, or forgiveness or an unexpected kindness, make sure they know that you know.  This is often overlooked in the home and the workplace, but when you change your perspective, and take the extra time to see that there are good people around you doing nice things let them know you appreciate it.  Even if the nice thing wasnt' for you!  If you "catch" someone being nice to someone else, acknowledge their kindness and thank them for it.
Look at it this way.  When you do something nice for someone, and they are sincerely grateful  if they let you know it, you are more likely to do nice things for them again in the future.  Because it feels good to be appreciated. And so it goes, back to the old rule "you reap what you sow"  "you get what you give".  Give thanks and more will be given to you to be thankful for.

Keep Score!  Having a tough time getting started?  Just try and thank ten people for something every day.  Let the words just come out of your mouth.  It may feel awkward at first, but soon, you'll find yourself being thankful for even the tiniest things.  
If you are having find yourself running out of people to thank, start texting!  Emailing! Snail mail!  Mom is an easy one,  you could just thank her for being "mom".  Thank your co-workers for their great job!  Thank your friends for just being there.  Thank your family for years and years of putting up with you.  Thank our soldiers for keeping us safe and letting us live a life of freedom.  
When it's all said and done and you have a few months of ten thank-you's a day, let me tell you, that feels pretty good.  It gives you a glimpse at the "bigger picture" when you are thankful for all the paint brush strokes it took to create it.  Just try it.  You'll thank me later!

Being Thankful:
Being thankful is to take the time to realize all the wonderful things you have in your life.  Right down to the air in your lungs, the blood pumping through your veins and even the sun shining in the sky.
It is so easy for us to be harsh with ourselves and the world around us.  We have grown into a bitter and judgmental society.  We complain about the things we don't have and it never seems like we have enough.  When you look at life in that way, it's true, you WILL never have enough.  But for all the things you think you are lacking, what someone else would gladly give for the things that you have and don't appreciate.   The shoes on your feet.  The roof over your head.  The food that you're throwing away because you just can't eat another bite.
So when you look at yourself in the mirror and focus on all your flaws take just a moment to think of how lucky you are to have a body that functions and takes you places.  How you're home may not have the finest furnishings but it keeps you warm and safe.  How you may have to eat the same left-overs for the third day in a row, but you have food to eat to keep you healthy.
I am certainly not trying to paint a morbid picture here.   Quite the opposite.  So many people think that it has to be something big before we can feel thankful- a huge spread of food on that chilly November holiday, a big promotion, a new purchase- but it's the little things.  Every day.
You are a wonderful person and there are so many wonderful things about you that I bet you forget about it.  I am thankful that you are who you are so I can just concentrate on being lil ol me.  Appreciate you.  Appreciate your talents and skills and personality.  Be thankful that you have gotten this far in life and that you have faced any number of trials and tribulations to make you who you are today.  I am thankful for you.  I am thankful that you have found me and are reading my works and have allowed me to touch your life in whatever capacity.  You be thankful for you, too.  Because without you, someone would be very sad.

And while you are rolling your eyes and checking your watch while your in-laws quibble, or your grandpa falls asleep on the couch and snores, or your crazy uncle wants to tell you about his newest, greatest... thing; while your aunt wants to love and kiss on you with her slobbery lips and while the conversation may bore you to tears, remember; these are your people.  Your family.  This is where you come from.  Find something- even if you have to dig deep- to appreciate about them.  Keep looking.  It's there.  They are the only family you have.  And no one lasts forever.  Find it.  Appreciate it for yourself and then... tell them.

Keep Score!  As you lay your head down on your comfy pillow tonight take a moment to think of all the things you can be thankful for.  The big things, the little things even the tiniest of things.  Change your perspective.  See the world as a place that's always trying to do good for you and to you!

While I am grateful for this once a year reminder I am hopeful that it jumpstarts your perspective to be thankful and give thanks every day. (Oh yes, and you know that the "Give love, get love every day of every year" is coming for the next whopper of a holiday, so hold on to your hearts, cause it's-a comin!)
In the meantime friends, have a wonderful, healthy, happy, fulfilling Thanksgiving holiday!! 

You're turn!  What are you thankful for? What can you give thanks for that you didn't notice before?  How can you change your perspective at the workplace, at school or at home to be more thankful?
Please share and comment below!

When In Doubt, Take The Next Small Step

Photo by Shaun Kneemiller I was never a big fan of setting goals.  To me it was a way to measure my failures.  If I never reached them,  it wouldn't matter because I never made them!  What a surprise it was that I'd stayed in the same exact spot for so many years without moving forward an inch.  Once I figured out that goals were my ticket to something, anything... everything else, they became a part of my regular routine.

My problem with goals is I would have all these grand ideas, (I never do anything small!) and then would have no idea how to accomplish them.  So in my mind, I failed right out of the gate.  And let's not forget the mentality I had, of needing it RIGHT NOW!!  So, indeed, I was setting myself up for failure.  These grand and truly wonderful plans I had, never made it off the paper because I wasn't patient enough to take the smaller steps it took to make them happen.  

I have since learned that a large goal is simply made up of many, many smaller goals or steps.  Sometimes we don't know how we are going to get to where we are going, but we have to get started to find out.  Such is life.

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."                      
                                                                       - Martin Luther King, Jr.
   

You may not know where you are going to end up, but you have to take that first step in order to find out.  God is pretty clever that way.  He let's you see the big picture (that goal of where you want to go or what you want to be or just what you want next) but He wants you to rely on Him for the smaller steps of the journey along the way.  He only lights your path as far as you can see, so we are never in complete darkness, because by the time you've taken that "last" step, the next one is presented to you.  It's like looking down an avenue of streetlights.  Each one illuminating their own little circle, but you can only see so far ahead of you.  You must start walking in the circles of light to see where the street takes you.

Imagine you're in one of those motion sensor tunnels, like in a James Bond movie.  As you're walking down a completely dark and scary hallway, the sensor picks up your presence, and it lights a few more steps for you.  As the light comes on and the immediate surroundings are illuminated, they are not quite as scary.  We are not meant to know every single step of the journey.  It is a learning process.  Work ahead as far as you can and then have faith that when you get there, the next instructions will be there waiting.  

It actually all happens so smoothly that you never realize you were ever in the dark at all.  When you look back at all of your steps, they were placed in just the right order.  You learned all the things you needed to know to get to the next step.  Eventually, as you look back, your starting steps are all but a memory.  That first building you came out of into the darkness, was actually your first point of light.

And when those times come that you stumble or fall, get back up, brush yourself off and take that next step.  The first steps are always the scariest.  I have a friend that always told me that God IS there and He WILL steer the boat, but you have to get it out to sea first.  He can do nothing with it still tied to the dock.  This taught me that I can't wait for things to get "just right" or sometimes all the ducks refuse to get in a row until you wrangle the first couple.  But trust.  Have faith.  Untie the boat and make those first few strokes to get it out into open water.  See all the wonderful things He can do if you let Him light your path. 

Make those goals.  Break them down and see how many steps you can work on until you reach the edge of the light.  And then, take one more step and watch the light in the darkness stretch out before you.  

Get up when you stumble.  And when in doubt, just take the next small step and see what happens!

Your word is the lamp to my feet and a light for my path.  Psalm 119:105

What new goals are you tackling?  How have you overcome your fears to "take the next step"?  What other advice can you give to those who might be stuck?

Love Will Keep Us Together...

This may  be showing my age, but I am TOTALLY singing the Captain and Tennille song, "Love Will Keep Us Together!"  (Go on, admit it, you are too!) Don't know why that song was floating around in my head today, but it created this latest Blog-Spot for your entertainment and inspirational intake.

Love.  It is the base of all relationships and it can, single-handedly, give you the strength to keep trying to make a relationship go.  It gives you the desire to forgive and move forward.  It gives you the passion to keep working and connecting to your mate or close friends, even those pesky little, stress-inducing, two-legged things we call our children.  Love.  It is a powerful thing.  Many times it is abused and taken for granted.  Other times it's assumed that you don't have to work at it.  And sure, love will probably always be there, at the core, but in order to make it blossom and grow it takes a few other things as well.  

Love can keep you together, but don't you want more than that?  Don't you want deeper, long-lasting relationships?  Closer bonds, strong friendships and the secure feelings of forever...  Then read on.  Here are a few helpful tips to keep those relationships moving forward....

Make Eye Contact. This simple act lets your partner, children or friend really know that you are listening.  It speaks of honesty and vulnerability.  The eyes are said to be the window to the soul, let your partner know they are welcome there.  That you are genuinely, sincerely involved in this relationship.

Think Before You Speak.  Is what you're about to say going to move the relationship forward or will it be hurtful or damaging?  Once the words have been released, they cannot be taken back.  You can apologize all day long and be completely sincere about it, but you cannot make your words un-heard.  Speak words of love and of encouragement.  If you must reprimand, or have a difficult conversation be sure you are at a place where you can talk without emotions taking over.  It could be as simple as a few seconds of breathing before you begin or answer;  Or you may have to reconvene at another time to get your thoughts in order.  Try never to argue out of passion, and never, never say things that you know will damage your partner.  You may win the battle, but you may also have struck a huge blow in your future together. (Same applies to your children! They may always love you, but they don't have to like you or they may feel a need to seek protection from you be it through verbal distance or re-location.)

Listen Attentively.  We all like to know that we are being heard.  One of the nicest feelings besides that warm, squishy love feeling is to know that we have been heard and understood.  Give those people that are important to you that feeling of value.  Put down the cell phone games, or let the e-mail wait for a few minutes.  Facebook will be there later, I promise.  Ignore the television, the phone, the kids, the dishes... Give that person your undivided attention.   I know you are busy.  But these are the relationships that deserve your time.  They will give you the best ROI.  Value them.

Bring God into the conversation.  Be sure that He knows He is welcome in your relationships.  I have heard that the best relationships are compared to that of a tripod.  Three legs.  Two legs alone will not give you balance or security.  But add that third leg and everything evens out.  Pray together, seek Him together and He will give you balance and security.

REALLY get to know your partner/child.  Share details.  Ask about their likes and dislikes.  Who are their friends and what drew them as friends? What do they like to do?  People change all the time.  Our children, especially.  Always be in a state of getting to know them all over again.  It creates an unforgettable bond.  And with your mate, it gives you insight to the section of their lives that happened perhaps before you became a part of it and how you can continue to grow together.

Verbally communicate your wants and desires and find out theirs.  Open communication is SO important!!  With out this, it's just a guessing game.  And when left to our own imaginations, we ALWAYS imagine the worst.  Put your thoughts and feelings into words.  Say how you feel.  Ask for what you want.  I know.  I hear you saying, "But if he loves me, he should know!"  I wish that was the case.  But it's not.  People cannot read your mind.  And we also struggle with remembering details.  
I understand.  This can be uncomfortable.  But it can also bring you so much closer all while removing doubts and encouraging feedback.  (This goes hand in hand with the above Listen Attentively!)
But my favorite reason to verbally communicate is that it builds trust.  The walls come down the more you talk together.  Share with each other.  Listen to each other.  You should reach the point that there is nothing that you can't talk about.  There is that sense of security that allows you to feel safe in good times and in bad.  The good times make it easy to share but when those tough conversations have to come up, its good to have that trust there to know that your partner will still be around when you get to the other side of the problem.
And, of course, verbally communicating also includes:

Saying those three little words: I Love You.  Say it.  Don't ever let anyone doubt that you love them!  Say it and mean it!  (The opposite is true, DON'T say it if you don't mean it!  Ouch.)  We never know what tomorrow may bring so never go to sleep at night without letting those you love know how much they mean to you!  I never want my children to ever question my love for them.  I try and do all the things to show them, but I feel better just putting it out there.  I hope the people closest to me know how much I value them and rarely waste an opportunity to sneak the actual words in every once in a while.  I tend to be an over-lover!  I'm all about the saying it and expressing it and hugging....

Physical Contact.  Touching, hugging, holding hands, a quick pat as you pass by... These are the non-verbal cues that we can give to show our love.  I don't care how old you are, touching is good and necessary for people to stay close. (Literally and emotionally! lol)

Forgiveness.  I can't say enough about this simple little word with its not so simple expectations.  We are all going to make mistakes.  We all tend to hurt one another.  Forgiveness is the salve for the wound.  Forgiveness doesn't fix everything but it allows for the healing to begin.  Sometimes you have to begin healing alone, and other times you have to heal together but healing will never happen if resentment, anger and pain stand in the way.  Forgive and allow the rest to take care of itself.  Forgiveness is a choice.  Staying together is a choice.  Love, not so much.  You can't control who you love and who you do not love.  But you can decide how you are going to act on it and you Bu can decide if love is only going to keep you together or if you will enjoy the journey to the fullest.



What's on your mind??
Do you have an additional tip to add?  How do these things effect your relationships?  Please leave a comment below!