Alan Fadling's Blog, page 9

UL #319: Why Community Is Key to Navigating Suffering (Curt Thompson, MD)

 

 

In this transformative conversation, Dr. Curt Thompson, psychiatrist and author of The Deepest Place: Suffering and the Formation of Hope, joins us to explore the neuroscience of suffering and the profound ways connection can heal.

Drawing from his expertise in interpersonal neurobiology, Curt shares practical wisdom on how our greatest pains can become places of resilience, character growth, and deepened hope. We discuss how meaningful relationships, rather than solitary endurance, can rewire our brains and open us to healing. Through scripture, science, and personal reflection, Curt invites us to embrace vulnerability as a path to wholeness, transforming our pain into connection.

In this episode, you’ll hear Curt discuss:

The Science of Suffering: How our brains are wired for healing through meaningful relationships, not just enduring pain alone.
The Role of Connection in Resilience: How authentic connections with others can help us navigate suffering, rewire our minds, and deepen our hope.
Scriptural Insights on Suffering and Hope: Exploring Paul’s reflections in Romans 5 and how suffering can produce perseverance, character, and hope in the Christian journey.

Tune in for an enlightening discussion on how God’s peace and love can shape our emotional and spiritual lives, and discover the power of connection in transforming pain into healing.

Episode Links:

Curt Thompson, MD website
The Deepest Place: Suffering and the Formation of Hope
The Soul of Shame: Retelling the Stories We Believe About Ourselves
Being Known Podcast with Curt Thompson, MD

Reclaiming Thanksgiving: Cultivating Gratitude in the Midst of Hardship

Blog by Alan Fadling

The past few years have been filled with difficulty and uncertainty for many of us. It’s tempting to look back and see only the loss, stress, and scarcity we’ve experienced. But what if, especially in such seasons, we need to remind ourselves of the deeper reality of God’s present goodness? This Thanksgiving, what if we paused to see through the lens of gratitude instead of scarcity?

 

Psalm 103:1-5 offers us a timely and transformative perspective. In these verses, David models what it looks like to cultivate a grateful heart, even when life is hard. He begins by speaking directly to his own soul: “Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” David calls himself to remember, to linger, and to let the truth of God’s goodness penetrate every part of his being.

 

This passage is more than just a list of spiritual benefits; it’s a litany of reasons to choose gratitude, no matter the circumstances. David’s reminder to “forget not all his benefits” hints at how easy it is to lose track of what God has already done and is continuing to do in our lives. David counters this forgetfulness by rehearsing the many ways God is good: he forgives, heals, redeems, crowns, satisfies, and renews. Each phrase is a gift worth recalling in the light of prayerful reflection.

 

As Christian leaders, we often focus on what’s broken and needs fixing—whether in our congregations, our companies, our communities, or our personal lives. But David invites us to pause and shift our focus to God’s goodness. Thanksgiving is not about denying the reality of hardship; it’s about remembering that hardship is not the only reality. God’s presence, love, and mercy are just as real—maybe even more real—in times of struggle.

 

As you enter this Thanksgiving season, take time to linger in the richness of these verses. Let them be more than words on a page. Allow them to shape your heart’s posture, moving you from weariness to worship. Start by considering the benefits David lists: forgiveness, healing, redemption, love, satisfaction, and renewal. How have you experienced these in your life, even in recent months?

 

When we cultivate the discipline of gratitude, we begin to see God’s hand more clearly in our past and present. Praise becomes a natural overflow when we’re captured by the beauty of his benefits. We’re reminded that no matter what challenges we face, God is at work—healing, restoring, and renewing us.

 

This Thanksgiving, instead of getting caught up in what has been hard, let’s choose to remember how God has been good. Let’s remember the benefits we’ve received and continue to receive. Like David, let’s talk to our own souls, reminding them to “forget not all his benefits” and allowing the goodness of God to be our focus. This is the kind of thanksgiving that fosters deep trust and unhurried joy.

 

Reflection Questions: 

Which of God’s benefits in Psalm 103:1-5 resonates most deeply with you in this season? Why?
How can you practice gratitude for these benefits in a tangible way this Thanksgiving?

UL #318: Engaging with God in a Tech Saturated World (Carlos Whittaker)

 

In today’s episode, Gem sits down with author, speaker, and podcaster Carlos Whitaker to discuss his new book Reconnected. After realizing the toll technology had taken on his connection with God, his community, and even himself, Carlos took radical steps to disconnect in order to reconnect. He spent nearly two months living screen-free at a monastery, an Amish farm, and his own home, experiencing profound transformation along the way.

Carlos shares the powerful lessons from his time in solitude, offering us a much-needed perspective on how technology and the fast pace of modern life are affecting our souls. He dives into the challenges and surprises of his digital detox, from grappling with the fear of his own thoughts to discovering the importance of intentionality, presence, and community.

If you're feeling disconnected in a tech-saturated world, this conversation will inspire you to hit reset and consider the practices that can restore balance and meaningful connection in your life. Whether you're seeking wisdom on solitude, slowing down, or learning from community, Carlos offers insights that are as engaging as they are transformative.

Tune in for a conversation full of heart, wisdom, and practical tips for reclaiming your life in a digital age.

 

Episode Links:

Carlos Whittaker
Reconnected by Carlos Whittaker

Gratitude: Preparing Our Hearts for Thanksgiving

Blog by Gem Fadling

My earliest memories of Thanksgiving are, of course, all about the food. My mom liked to cook ahead, so the day before Thanksgiving was our prep day. She did all the heavy lifting and I would get the safer, easier jobs—stuffing celery with cream cheese, opening the cans of cranberry sauce, making mashed potatoes from flakes that came in a box.

 

Fast-forward to the present and my own family. Awhile back we decided we did not prefer turkey and regular Thanksgiving side dishes, so we switched to ribeye steaks and mashed potatoes. It is certainly not traditional, but for us it makes for a much more enjoyable meal.

 

Whether or not you feel nostalgic about food this time of year , one dynamic is always welcome: a heart of gratitude.

 

Gratitude is a spiritual practice that draws us closer to God. It’s not merely acknowledging the good in our lives but recognizing the Giver of all good things. The Psalms are full of expressions of gratitude, even amid life’s challenges.

 

Psalm 118:24 reminds us, “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (NRSV). The psalmist invites us to a posture of joy and gratitude, regardless of our circumstances.

 

How do we prepare our hearts to genuinely live out this posture of gratitude as Thanksgiving nears? Here are some practical steps to ponder:

 

Start with Reflection

 Before the busyness of the holiday begins, set aside some time for quiet reflection. Consider keeping a gratitude journal where you can daily write down things you are thankful for. Reflect on Psalm 103:2, “Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits.” Writing down our blessings helps us to remember them, especially those we might otherwise overlook.

 

Think about the past year. What moments stand out? Where have you seen God’s faithfulness, even in small ways? Maybe you engaged challenges that led to growth, or unexpected blessings that brought joy. In reflection, we pivot our hearts to recognize God’s ongoing work in our lives.

 

Practice Intentional Gratitude

 Gratitude is a muscle that grows stronger with use. It’s easy to be grateful when things are going well, but the real test comes when we choose gratitude during difficult times. Psalm 34:1 says, “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.” This verse invites us to cultivate a heart of gratitude, regardless of our situation.

 

 

One practical way to do this is by setting aside moments throughout the day to pause and give thanks. It could be as simple as offering a prayer of gratitude before a meal, thanking God for the food and for the people who prepared it. Or, as you go about your daily routine, take a moment to thank God for a few little things: the warmth of the sun, the sound of laughter, the kindness of a friend.

 

Express Gratitude to Others

 Thanksgiving can often be a double-edged sword. It is a time for gathering with family and friends, but it can also be a time of stress and unmet expectations. One way to build healthier connections is by expressing gratitude to those around you.

 

Take the opportunity to speak words of appreciation to those with whom you gather. A handwritten note, a kind word, or a simple thank-you can help knit hearts together. This Thanksgiving, accept the invitation to express gratitude often.

 

Give Back in Gratitude

 Gratitude can often overflow into acts of generosity. When we remember how much we have been given, our natural response could be to share openhandedly with others. Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”

 

Give thought to how you might give back this season. Maybe you could volunteer at a local food bank, help an elderly neighbor, or invite someone who might be alone to share in your Thanksgiving meal. These acts of kindness not only bless others but also deepen our own sense of gratitude and purpose.

 

Prepare Your Heart Through Worship

 Finally, you might want to make some time for personal or corporate worship. Worship is a wonderful way to foster a heart of gratitude because it shifts our focus from our circumstances to the greatness of God.

 

Psalm 100:4-5 says, “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”

 

Feel free to get creative in your worship. If you’re musical, play and sing aloud. Or simply listen to your favorite songs on your phone playlist. You can also spend some time praying, looking up psalms of thanksgiving to read aloud. In whatever way you choose to worship, let your heart fill with gratitude and spill out in words or songs of thanks.

 

Let the words of Psalm 136:1 help you: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever.” And may you be blessed as you express your gratitude to God and to those around you, especially as we enter Thanksgiving week.

 

Reflection

Which one of these sounds the most doable to you? Find the invitation within and make a plan to engage. 

Start with Reflection
Practice Intentional Gratitude
Express Gratitude to Others
Give Back in Gratitude
Prepare Your Heart Through Worship

UL #317: Love Makes Us Real

 

What if love was the truest measure of who we are—not our achievements or titles, but the way we love and are loved? In today’s episode, we’re diving into this profound question through the lens of Thomas Merton, a contemplative writer whose reflections on love invite us into a deeper understanding of what it truly means to be “real.” Merton wrote that love is what breathes life into us, a force that, when shared, grows and fills the world. As we uncover his insights, we’ll explore how this love transforms us, forging a connection not only to each other but also to the heart of God.

Drawing from Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation, we explore his belief that God’s love flows uniquely through each of us, creating a beautiful mosaic of divine presence. “Because God’s love is in me, it can come to you from a different and special direction… And because it is in both of us, God has greater glory.” In this vision, love becomes a profound and personal exchange, as the divine presence moves through us, offering something precious to one another that no one else can replicate.

Join us as we reflect on this life-giving love that makes us real, opening us to both a unique connection with each other and to a fuller experience of God’s glory.

 

Links

New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
From Head Knowledge to Heart Knowledge (UL Podcast episode)

Recovering Prayerful Presence in a Hurry-Sick World

Blog by Alan Fadling

In 1950, Leonard Boase wrote, “It is the unrelenting pressure of hurry . . . a thousand and one other prickles make up the hair-shirt of present-day existence. Hence our desperate need in approaching prayer is first of all a relaxing of nervous tension” (The Prayer of Faith, p. 55). Seventy-five years later, his words still ring true—perhaps more urgently than ever. Talk of “prickles” and “hair-shirts” may sound archaic, but the experience is not. In many ways, our current digital age only intensifies the relentless pressure he describes.

 

Hurry is not merely a modern phenomenon but a deeply ingrained human dilemma. It’s easy to romanticize the past, to imagine that simpler times were somehow immune to the inner strain of urgency. Yet, Boase reminds us that this struggle is part of the human condition. Our technologies may have changed, but our souls have not. We are still prone to the illusion that if we just do a little more, go a little faster, we can live fuller and lead better.

 

This struggle is particularly acute for those of us called to spiritual leadership. The paradox is sobering: the very practices meant to deepen our intimacy with God often become casualties of our hurried pace. We may skim Scripture the way we skim social media feeds. We can treat prayer like a pit stop rather than a place of unhurried renewal. Instead of abiding in Christ, we anxiously produce, forgetting that the fruit of ministry is meant to be the overflow of a well-tended soul.

 

As leaders, we are invited to take seriously our role as stewards of our own spiritual health. If we ignore the signs of hurry sickness within us—frantic multitasking, shallow thinking, and constant distraction—we risk becoming more like CEOs managing a spiritual enterprise than shepherds guiding God’s people. Our congregations and communities need more than efficient leaders; they need attentive ones, those who model a life deeply rooted in God’s presence.

 

What would it look like to reclaim prayer as a sanctuary from hurry? Boase’s suggestion is disarmingly simple: begin by relaxing nervous tension. Rather than forcing ourselves into a state of prayer, we release our need to achieve anything at all. This initial act of surrender is a gentle reminder that prayer is not about getting things done but about being present with the One who loves us beyond measure.

 

For those of us who have spent too much time rushing from one task to the next, it’s worth pausing to ask: What are we afraid might happen if we slow down? How we answer that question may reveal a fear of losing control, of not measuring up, or of missing out. Bringing these fears into prayer—into the presence of God—can be a transformative first step toward healing our addiction to speed.

 

God is not in a hurry. Why, then, are we? When we slow our pace, we open up the possibility of encountering the God who is always present, always patient, always waiting. In prayerful stillness, we recover the capacity to lead not out of anxiety but out of a deep, unhurried trust in the Spirit’s work.

 

Reflection Questions: 

What habits or mindsets keep you caught in a cycle of hurry and pressure? How might you begin to release them in prayer?
How could you reclaim your daily rhythms to cultivate a slower, more attentive posture before God and others?

UL #316: Finding Contentment Right Where You Are

 

In this episode, we’re tackling the problem of restless dissatisfaction and how the pursuit of contentment can offer a way forward. For many of us, there’s an underlying sense that something in life—who we are, what we have, or where we’re headed—should be different. The constant pull of “what if” and “if only” can leave us feeling ungrounded and yearning for a sense of fulfillment that always seems just out of reach. As I looked back on my journal entries this year, I noticed contentment as a recurring theme in my conversations with God and with my spiritual director, reminding me of the peace and satisfaction that comes with learning to be present in the here and now.

Drawing from my own journey and insights from Brian Zahnd’s The Wood Between the Worlds, I’ll share practical reflections on how shifting our mindset toward contentment can bring new clarity and peace. This isn’t just about settling—it’s about recognizing how an inner posture of contentment can transform our experience, even when circumstances remain the same. Whether you’re a “Frustrated Idealist” in the Enneagram triad (Types One, Four, and Seven) or simply someone who finds themselves often seeking more, join me as we explore the ways contentment can anchor us in purpose, grace, and genuine satisfaction.

 

Links:

The Wood Between the Worlds by Brian Zahnd
The Journey Toward Wholeness by Suzanne Stabile
The Benefits of Looking Back podcast episode

Unlocking Wholeness: The Role of a Wise Guide in Your Spiritual Life

Blog by Gem Fadling

Alan and I often enjoy our local bike trails. It is so refreshing to move at bicycle pace with the wind in my face and the fragrance of eucalyptus trees in the air.

 

Recently we were biking past a young women’s softball game at a large park. In the distance, I could hear the coach yelling, “Go, go, go, go!” And then a few seconds later, he yelled, “Stop, stop!” His energy was quite dramatic.

 

As I continued pedaling, I thought about the benefit of having a coach who can see the whole field and the other players. The batter is concentrating on their hit and then running as fast as they can. They can only see so much on their way to first base. The coach not only has a wider vantage point, but hopefully has greater experience as well. Listening to the coach’s GOs and STOPs can be very helpful for the entire team.

 

I am a trained spiritual director and a certified life coach, so I have never once yelled at one of my clients to “Go!” or “Stop!” Spiritual directors and coaches are not meant to be so obvious and directive. However, they do have experience in holding sacred space and asking powerful questions. This ensures that you might notice, discern, and respond to the GOs and STOPs in your own life.

 

James 5:16 says, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed” (The Message). The context of this verse is about being prayed for in various circumstances. So I think it’s not too far of a stretch to talk about this in the context of having a wise co-discerner in your life.

 

Confessing our sins is important, and this verse makes a very clear promise about that: wholeness and health. We can add to this the idea of speaking out loud the many and various dynamics we have in our lives. Confessing can be broadened beyond sins to thoughts, feelings, relationships, weaknesses, and more.

 

Verbalizing, rather than keeping everything bottled up inside, can lead to healing and wholeness. This is a gift. God did not mean for us to be alone, especially in our struggles. Having a trusted guide allows us to bring ourselves out of the shadows and into the light.

 

I have made the decision that I will have a spiritual director for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want to place myself in front of a trained and wise listener—someone who can hold sacred space with me. I get to process my life out loud as someone asks questions and shares prompts to help me connect with God along the way.

 

God speaks to us in and through the circumstances of our lives. A wise guide can ask: 

How is God INVITING you to respond?
How might God be FORMING you in this?
How is GOD AT WORK in this?
How might you DISCERN GOD’S DESIRE for you in this?
What ASPECT OF GOD do you need/desire in this?
What do you WANT GOD TO DO for you?

 

Of course, we can ask ourselves these questions. These would be great during a time of personal reflection. But it is still important to have others join us on the journey because we don’t always hear or interpret what is going on correctly. We need outside wise voices to help us discern what’s next.

 

Who is it that you’re meeting with to hold space for you so that you can gain the vantage point of a wider view? Christian leaders, now more than ever, need safe space and support to bear up under the rigors of life.

 

Here are a few ideas of the kinds of support you might need:

 

Spiritual friend
Pastor
Spiritual director
Therapist
Life coach
Mentor

 

I am not ashamed to say that I believe everyone should have a spiritual director. To be accompanied like this is one of life’s greatest gifts. Sacred space, holy listening, co-discerning, non-pressured care. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

But if you can’t find or afford a spiritual director, therapist, or life coach, you might be able to find a spiritual friend, pastor, or mentor. Any one of these can journey with you in ways you feel a need for.

 

The least expensive (free) and maybe most easily accessible step is to find yourself a spiritual or soul friend. Spiritual friendship, in my experience, is when two people agree together that they will meet for the purpose of caring and listening in a non-judgmental, non-fixing way.

 

A soul friend doesn’t need to be an expert, and they don’t need to have answers. What is most important is that they are trustworthy and are willing to be with you in whatever it is you want to share. And then you can return the favor by holding space for them.

 

I have a handful of wise women in my life who hold my heart gently and beautifully. It is one of the greatest gifts in my life.

 

I pray that you will find someone to share your deepest heart with. Men and women alike need someone in their lives with whom they can share their greatest joys and their deepest struggles.

 

May God guide you to your own wise guide or spiritual friend, and may you find the freedom and grace that lies within this gift.

 

Reflection 

Spend some time with one of the six bulleted questions above. Choose one to ponder, pray, and journal. Notice what emerges.
Of the six types of wise guides I listed, which one do you most feel the need for? How might you connect with the support you need?
Spend some time with God in prayer, letting him know of your desire for a trusted, wise guide.

UL #315: Lighting the Path to Flourishing w/Mindy Caliguire

 

The problem of burnout among Christian leaders has become an epidemic in recent years. I’ve seen Christian leaders taking emergency sabbaticals more often than at any other point in my 40 years of ministry. The souls of many Christian leaders are in trouble.

How do you care for your soul?
How would that help address the weariness and overwhelm many are experiencing?

I’ll be talking about soul care with our guest today, Mindy Caliguire, on the Unhurried Living podcast.

Mindy Caliguire is the co-founder and president of Soul Care. In the past, she has served in executive leadership at Gloo, and the Willow Creek Association (now the Global Leadership Network). She speaks into and advises organizations including Compassion International, ECFA, National Christian Foundation, and many churches and ministries across the US and beyond. Mindy’s books include:

Discovering Soul Care
Spiritual Friendship
STIR
The book we’re talking about today, Ignite Your Soul .

____________________________________________________________

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn or learn more about Unhurried Living programs on their website. 

Learn about PACE: Certificate in Leadership and Soul Care

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us

Embracing the Process: Moving Beyond Event Thinking in Our Walk with God

Blog by Alan Fadling

One of my mentors, Chuck Miller, often said two simple words that have shaped how I think about my work: “Process matters.” The work we do is not isolated from the work we’ve done or the work we will do in the future. There is a difference between process thinking and event thinking.

 

Our life is a process, a pathway, a journey. Working with God is too.

 

We are invited by Jesus into a transforming journey: week by week, month by month, year by year. Over time, God is changing us little by little. Either we can learn to cooperate with this process or we can resist it. The process is there just the same.

 

One passage that helps me cultivate process thinking is Paul’s counsel to his friends in Galatia:

 

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25)

 

We are alive because God’s Spirit breathes life into us moment by moment. Paul says that since we are alive thanks to the work of God’s Spirit, let’s learn to keep in step with the guidance of that same Spirit.

 

This counsel is not about a static moral stance. It is a pathway, and along it we learn to more deeply commune and more fully collaborate with God.  We can learn to cultivate an attentiveness and responsiveness to the Spirit’s presence with us. This is one facet of what I’m referring to here as “process thinking.”

 

When we cooperate with God’s process in our lives, what we do in a particular moment may not feel especially productive. For example, if I was completely clueless about agriculture, seeing a farmer pouring water at the roots of a tree might look like he’s just making mud. But since most of us know how trees work, we realize that watering them is one way to help trees be as productive as they can be.

 

As I pray for people in my life and in my work, it doesn’t often feel profoundly productive. It may look and feel like words spoken into the air. I know it’s a good thing to do, but I don’t always realize that it’s an activity much like the farmer watering the tree. I am cooperating with the work of God’s Spirit in the lives of others. I am inviting the gracious presence of God to bless the one for whom I pray.

 

In contrast to process thinking is event thinking. Here, we imagine our lives as a series of events to manage rather than a process in which events are interrelated elements. We can become wrapped up in meeting after meeting, project after project, task after task. We may miss how they relate to one another or where they are heading or what is the goal of it all.

 

How do events play into process? Instead of seeing a long sequence of unrelated events that can overwhelm me, I learn to see all the events of my life as a divinely interrelated process. I’m on a single journey that involves many encounters, many gatherings, many projects, and many tasks. I see the one process God has me in rather than seeing the many events of that process as separate and unrelated.

 

But it sometimes feels easier to be event-focused instead. Events often feel productive in the moment. Getting something done feels satisfying. We accomplish something. Maybe we attract a group of people to participate in something we’ve planned. Maybe we earn a bit of income. These are all good, desirable outcomes.

 

But process thinking provides the larger context of the eventual “why” for all these events. Process thinking is about taking a longer view of productivity. One facet of the process God has me in is helping others become deeply rooted followers of Jesus. That takes longer than a few months.

 

In the final chapter of my book An Unhurried Leader, I talk about “Working with God,” and toward the end of the chapter I share a process way of thinking called CDER. (I usually pronounce it as “cedar.”) It’s an acronym for contemplation, discernment, engagement, and reflection. Having an event orientation to life and work can cause us to overlook elements like contemplation, discernment, and reflection, and just fill our lives with more and more engagement.

 

Do, do, do. Wayne Anderson, another of my mentors, talked about “Do Do Theology” (and the pun is fully intended). Our faith and our work are more than just doing lots of things for God. We are on a journey with God in all that we do. What we do is rooted in who God has made us. What we do is fruit of our communion with God.  

 

So CDER is a way of cultivating a process way of thinking about my life and work.

 

I learn to cultivate a contemplative
I learn to see my life and work with a discerning
I learn to engage in my life and work in this contemplative and discerning framework.
And then I grow in wisdom through reflecting on how God has guided me, encouraged me, and counseled me, and what I learned in those moments.

 

Making space in our way of living and working for contemplation, discernment, and reflection is, by design, unhurried. It can feel less productive because we imagine that these practices take time away from doing actual work.

 

But if we see our lives as the divine process that they are, then these practices are very much like the farmer watering a tree, weeding around it, feeding its roots. In the moment it doesn’t appear productive, but when the moment for harvest comes, we’ll likely find more and better fruit.

 

For Reflection:

How do you typically view your life and work—as a series of events to manage or as a continuous process of growth and transformation?
Reflect on a recent situation where you felt unproductive. Could it have been an opportunity to “water the roots” of a larger process in your life?
What steps can you take to incorporate more contemplation, discernment, and reflection (CDER) into your weekly engagements?