Alan Fadling's Blog, page 13

The Power of Raw and Authentic Prayer

Blog by Gem Fadling

Long gone are the days when I have the energy to put on any pretense when I talk with God. This has been a welcome and freeing change in my prayer life.

 

At this point in my journey, it is much more life-giving to simply declare the way things are, rather than trying to tidy up my mess and present it in a nice, neat package.

 

If I’m mad, sad, joyous, or frustrated, God already knows, and so I am free to express what is…and meet God right in the middle of it.

 

Over the decades I have steadily made my way to more open and honest prayer. I know and rely on God’s love as it’s declared in Isaiah 30:18—“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.”

 

Once when I was early in my midlife undoing, I entered a season of regret that culminated in anger. Expectations and assumptions about how life works were unraveling around me, and all I could do was fume. I would lock myself in my bedroom and pace the floor, uttering my prayers through gritted teeth.

 

It was during this time that my understanding of God’s immense love expanded. I trusted with my entire being that no matter what I was feeling or thinking, God was holding me as I flailed. I knew God was big enough and strong enough to be patient with me as I made my way through that experience.

 

The gracious image God granted me—yes, right in the middle of my fuming—was that he was holding me in the palm of his giant, loving, capable hand. Even though my most accessible feelings were frustration and anger, way deep down inside was an assurance that I was not alone and that God was, in fact, walking with me through it.

 

Some people may think this is wrong. Their arguments may sound something like this: How can you show your anger to God? Where’s your respect? Having doubts is not okay, and expressing them is even worse! He is the King of the Universe, you know!

 

And yet all I have to do is open the Psalms to see that this is misguided thinking. The psalmists were unafraid to share all their emotions with God in prayer.

 

The writer of Psalm 13 cries out, “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?” (vv. 1-2).

 

In Psalm 44 the psalmist demands, “Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression? We are brought down to the dust; our bodies cling to the ground” (Psalm 44:23-25).

 

Of course, I’m not saying we should wallow in anger or doubt. With time and support, we can move through it. But while it is occurring, it doesn’t do any good to deny our situation.

 

It is best not to be angry for anger’s sake or to allow bitterness to grow. But acknowledging and feeling our emotions helps us move through them. And doing this with God is a part of life.

 

Many of the Psalms allow for the full expression of emotions, and if we follow them all the way through, we ultimately see trust in God emerge. The psalmists don’t leave themselves in the anger or sadness, but they acknowledge and move through it.

 

Only a few verses later in Psalm 13 we read, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me” (vv. 5-6).

 

And the very next verse of Psalm 44 says, “Rise up and help us; rescue us because of your unfailing love” (v. 26). Underneath these honest proclamations of frustration, the psalmists still trust in and declare God’s love.

 

We can follow their example by allowing ourselves to acknowledge what God already sees. This enables our freedom.

 

The trick is not to rush through this. The psalmists may shift from lament to trust within a matter of a few verses, but in our day to day lives that movement may take days, weeks, months, or even longer. Grief has no timetable. Healing from years of hurt takes time.

 

Don’t see this as permission to wallow unnecessarily. Rather, see it as permission to acknowledge, feel, and move through your emotions and experiences so that they won’t express themselves in ways that are truly unhelpful to you or those around you. It is good when we allow enough time to pass for this to take root.

 

As Trevor Hudson was about to reenter the pastorate, Gordon Cosby spoke these words to him: “Whenever you teach, whenever you preach, whenever you pastor, don’t ever forget: Every person in your church sits next to their own pool of tears.” It was a timely reminder to Trevor that when he looks out on his congregation, he can acknowledge that everyone is in their own place of suffering.

 

Pray from where you are, not from where you think you should be. Pray from inside your feelings. Pray honestly. There’s no reason to hide or sugarcoat anything. Reality is your best friend. Meet God there. His love will hold you, and he will walk with you as you make your way toward healing.

 

“Pray as you can, not as you can’t.” (Abbot John Chapman)

 

 For Reflection: 

What does your own “pool of tears” feel like these days?
Is there anger hidden in your heart somewhere? Have you locked it up, hoping it will dissipate on its own?
Wherever you find your heart today, meet God there. Say what you want to say and leave it at the feet of Jesus.
The loving Trinity can hold you and longs to show you compassion as you make your way.

UL #311: The Scandal of the Kingdom (Alan)

 

The parables are perhaps the most potent expression of the message of Jesus. Parables were one of his key teaching strategies. But even his inner circle struggled to understand what he was saying. 

 

Today, I’ll be sharing a review of a new book from Dallas Willard on the parables titled The Scandal of the Kingdom.  

 

Through insightful analysis and practical wisdom, Willard empowers readers to transform their lives and communities by embodying the radical love, compassion, and justice exemplified in Jesus's parables. This book is a beacon of hope for Christians seeking to deepen their faith and live more authentically in accordance with the teachings of Christ. Willard empowers us to:

Become more passionate about living the gospel in the full scope of Jesus's vision for us
Better share the faith of Jesus with those disillusioned with Christianity
Unlock the excitement of living in the upside-down kingdom of God
Share the gospel of Jesus in the way he did

 

Content of additional interest:

The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard
The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard

 

God’s Good Work: Finding Purpose Beyond Frantic Activity

Blog by Alan Fadling

I often suspect that when busy Christian leaders hear me talk about living and working unhurried, they assume I don’t get much done. But I’ve come to believe that by working unhurried I get more important things done. Busy doesn’t always mean productive.

 

In An Unhurried Life, I wrote a chapter titled “Productivity: Unhurried Isn’t Lazy.” In it, I speak to our tendency to assume that productivity is always about doing more and more. But what if true productivity is, at least in part, about doing qualitatively better work, even if it seems we are less busy than before? There is a cultural bias for always staying busy. Many of us wear it as a badge of honor.

 

In that chapter, I quoted a passage from Thomas Merton that has lived in my imagination for a long while now. He says,

 

“[Some] are attached to activities and enterprises that seem to be important. Blinded by their desire for ceaseless motion, for a constant sense of achievement, famished with a crude hunger for results, for visible and tangible success, they work themselves into a state in which they cannot believe that they are pleasing God unless they are busy with a dozen jobs at the same time.” (pp. 206-7)

 

Merton wrote these words more than sixty years ago. Don’t they describe our lives today? We seem terrified of stopping, even for a moment, to ask ourselves: 

Is what I am frantically busy doing right now actually all that important to me?
In another month or another year, will I be grateful for everything I’m currently doing?

 

Those are questions that will grow your discernment at work.

 

The scriptures remind us that “we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10). I wonder if when we hear that, we assume it’s only talking about good deeds or about volunteer work we might do at church. Do we connect Paul’s words about “good works” with “good work” we might do in our jobs? We could.

 

I believe God cares about the work we do in our jobs even more than we do.

 

I believe that God is at work in advance of any particular workday, making ready good opportunities for us to engage in our daily work.

 

I believe we can learn how to become more discerning so that we learn how to do our jobs, whatever they may be, in a way that is more in keeping with God’s preparations and intentions.

 

I really believe that we are meant to do good things in our jobs that will ring into eternity.

 

But frantic busyness rarely if ever bears this kind of fruit. Hurry is shortsighted. It produces work done without a vital, long-term vision.

 

Back to Merton. It floors me how he says that people “work themselves into a state in which they cannot believe that they are pleasing God unless they are busy with a dozen jobs at the same time.”

 

We imagine that the only way to please God is to be frantically busy with more and more simultaneous projects. This is the way in which our bias for overwork and overbusyness actually ends up being far less productive in a way that really matters. And this exposes how hurry is too often less productive than a more unhurried pace.

 

Merton continues in that same passage, saying,

 

“Sometimes they fill the air with lamentations and complain that they no longer have any time for prayer, but they have become such experts in deceiving themselves that they do not realize how insincere their lamentations are. They not only allow themselves to be involved in more and more work, they actually go looking for new jobs.”

 

We often have mixed feelings about our busyness. Sometimes we complain about how busy we are. But sometimes we brag about it. And neither complaint nor boasting is a great mode for good work.

 

There is an irony when it comes to our bias for busy: Overbusyness can be a greater sign of soul laziness than inactivity is.

 

There is another passage from Merton that I’ve shared with countless leaders in my coaching and training work. In it, he offers an antidote for our frantic busyness rooted in a bias for overwork:

 

“There are times, then, when in order to keep ourselves in existence at all we simply have to sit back for a while and do nothing. And for a man who has let himself be drawn completely out of himself by his activity, nothing is more difficult than to sit still and rest, doing nothing at all. The very act of resting is the hardest and most courageous act he can perform: and often it is quite beyond his power.” (An Unhurried Life, p. 123)

 

Too often we let our busyness completely distract and overwhelm us until we hardly remember that God is with us, that he invites us to himself, and that he has given us good opportunities he wants us to engage in a collaborative relationship with him.

 

Merton recommends that we instead do the courageous thing: Stop, sit back for a bit, and do nothing. Can you think of anything harder for someone who attaches to busyness as their primary identity? But can you think of any wiser counsel for the hurry-addicted?

 

There is an incongruity I’ve noticed in myself. When I’m soul weary, I find it’s easy to engross myself in relatively meaningless busyness, but it’s much harder to say yes to good work and then good rest.

 

In a couple of weeks, I’ll share more about how slowing down to rest can position us to do much better work.

 

For Reflection: 

What is one area in your life where you are constantly busy, and how might slowing down help you achieve results for which you’d be more grateful?
How do you currently define "productivity," and how might this definition change if you embraced a more unhurried approach?
When was the last time you allowed yourself to stop, sit back, and do nothing, and what did you learn from that experience?

 

UL #310: The Surprising Power of Curiosity (Gem)

 

Here’s a sobering idea: It is impossible to know and understand 100% of a situation. Now, I know that may sound a bit jarring for some of us. Personally, I like to believe I always have a handle on exactly what’s going on. I’m a master mind-reader, and an excellent future-predictor—or at least I’d like to think so! Of course, I’m speaking tongue-in-cheek here.

 

In truth, I don’t know the future and no one has complete knowledge of any situation. Once I settle into that reality, something beautiful begins to happen: curiosity emerges. And curiosity leads me to ask better questions, which broadens my perspective and deepens my understanding.

 

The small phrase "I Wonder..." is the core of what we're talking about today.

Finding Strength and Refuge in God

Blog by Gem Fadling

Over the course of my life I have relied on various scriptures to carry me through different seasons. However, there are a few passages that have been paradigms for my life and heart. The first of these is, of course, John 15. But another verse that I have held closely is Psalm 27:4.

 

Today, I simply want to offer a few selected verses from Psalm 27, followed by some reflection questions.

 

I do hope you’ll set aside just 10 minutes to sink into this important psalm.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid? (v. 1)

 

One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
    he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
    and set me high upon a rock. (vv. 4-5)

 

I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord. (vv. 13-14)

 

First, read the psalm slowly, underlining anything that strikes you.

 

Then take time to journal or pray the following questions.

 

Where are you feeling PRESSED TO YOUR EDGES right now?

Certainly there are relationships or situations in your life that make you feel spread thin. Or maybe you are in a circumstance that provokes fear. Meet God in this place.

 

What is the ONE THING you ask of God?

The psalmist asks to dwell with God and gaze upon him. What would you ask God as your most central petition in this season?

 

How might God be FORMING you in this?

This one can be difficult to answer in the midst of a situation, but if you have enough space, it can be good to wonder about this. You can always simply ask God.

 

How is God INVITING you to respond?

Pause now and listen for some invitations. What is God hoping for you? How do you want to respond to God right now?

 

Feel free to print this and use it in your next prayer time or unhurried time with God. May you be refreshed, encouraged, and held by Psalm 27.

UL #309: No Instant Saints: Embracing the Pace of Grace (Alan)

 

Growing in grace is not about thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. If you’ve ever felt like you’re struggling to grow or that life’s challenges keep setting you back, you’re not alone. The journey toward spiritual maturity is rarely straightforward, and it’s easy to feel like we’re not progressing the way we should. We live in a culture that craves quick fixes and instant results, but real growth takes time, intention, and grace.  

 

Today, we’re diving into what it means to grow in grace, why it’s so difficult, and how embracing our weaknesses can draw us closer to God’s generosity and strength. That’s our focus today on the Unhurried Living podcast.

 

References in the podcast:

Eugene Peterson - On Living Well
Alan Fadling - An Unhurried Life
Teresa of Avila - The Interior Castle
Thomas H. Green - Darkness in the Marketplace

Burnout and the Identity Treadmill: How to Find Real Peace

Blog by Alan Fadling

I’ve struggled with insecurity most of my life. More often it has made me timid rather than brash or self-promoting. It has been important for me to lean into my insecurities rather than avoiding what makes me feel timid.

 

Avoiding what provokes insecurity hasn’t been a good move for me. Accommodating insecurity tends to expand it instead of reduce it. Insecurity has me looking to my work to get something. Working from security in Christ enables me to come to work to give something. The difference is profound, even if it is hard sometimes to discern.

 

In a recent podcast interview, I was asked, “What is something you think you need that you don’t actually need?” My answer: more fame.

 

I’m an author. Most of us who write books would like more people to know about our books and read them. There is nothing wrong with that. We work on marketing and publicity. That’s a key element of the work of being an author.

 

But fame? That’s a different thing. That’s about having more and more people not only knowing about you but also liking you or admiring you. Doesn’t that sound at least a bit insecurity-driven?

 

If my identity is rooted in fame, how much fame will satisfy me? Won’t I always be able to point to someone who has more of it than I do? And won’t that in turn drive me to seek more of it? Fame solves insecurity like saltwater quenches thirst. It doesn’t. More fame only drives insecurity deeper.

 

Having the good opinion of a lot of people doesn’t actually change anything about me. If many people appreciate a book I’ve written, I can say “thank you.” It’s a gift. But if I need lots of people to like a book I’ve written, then I’ve stepped into a trap.

 

And you don’t have to be a public figure to want more people to like you. Social media is obviously built on a common longing to be liked. The most basic positive response to a social media post is called a “like.” There’s a great difference between enjoying likes on your posts and needing them. Assuming that the likes others add to your social posts are essential to your well-being will put you on a treadmill that is steadily running faster and faster.

 

So, in case I haven’t made it clear how insecurity drives hurry, let me say it bluntly: If you have to do impressive things to prove yourself, you’ll have to keep doing more and more. An identity you have to prove is subject to the law of diminishing returns. You have to do more and more, bigger and better, to get the same identity high you got before with doing less.

 

You can walk on this identity treadmill at 3 mph. Or jog on it at 5 mph. You can even sprint on it at 12 mph. But eventually you just can’t run any faster. You can’t do more. For some, this becomes burnout. For others, it provokes a kind of midlife crisis.

 

But these painful experiences might be a gift if they awaken us to the reality that what we were painfully trying to earn is something God has already given us.

 

Let me ask a simple question: How do you know if insecurity is driving hurry in your life?

 

One way to discern the answer to this question is basic: Insecurity and true prayer are at odds with one another. Humility and prayer are longtime friends, and insecurity is very different from humility.

 

In An Unhurried Leader, I talk about why I sometimes struggle in prayer: “I’ve come to discover that my struggle in prayer tends to correspond to the degree that I am seeking to establish my identity through things I do and through what others say about me. This me is what Brennan Manning, in his book Abba’s Child, called the impostor, and this impostor often tries to take responsibility (and credit) for my leadership roles” (p. 152).

 

Here's an extended description of the impostor as Brennan Manning described it:

 

“Obviously, the impostor is antsy in prayer. He hungers for excitement, craves some mood-altering experience. He is depressed when deprived of the spotlight. The false self is frustrated because he never hears God’s voice. He cannot, since God sees no one there. Prayer is death to every identity that does not come from God. The false self flees silence and solitude because they remind him of death.” (Quoted in An Unhurried Leader, p. 152)

 

I’ve come to recognize in my own experience that when I’m resisting the regular practice of prayer, it’s often a time when this impostor has been operating as my primary identity. Only an identity rooted in something real and God-given can really pray. If I am awake enough, I realize that my level of resistance to prayer is a warning light on the dashboard of my leadership, making me aware of this misplaced sense of identity.

 

Resistance to connecting with God is a sign that I don’t really believe my value is rooted in God but is hiding out there somewhere for me to find and achieve myself.

 

Remember: You are already valued by the One whose perspective matters most. Take that with you as you engage your life, your relationships, and your work.

 

For Reflection:

That little line from 1 John 4 would be good to keep in the back of your mind, perhaps as a question: “How am I coming to know and more deeply rely on God’s love for me? In what ways might insecurity be driving me to grab for something I actually already have in God?”

UL #308: Live Slowly (Gem with Jodi Grubbs)

 

Jodi Grubbs fell headlong into the endless rush and exhaustion of hustle culture. After leaving her childhood home on the island of Bonaire in the Caribbean, she had assumed the rapid pace and stress of city living in the States. Soon she realized God was bidding her to a return to the "island time" of her past.

 

In time Jodi found sanctuary and ways to care for her soul by making space for God, others, and herself. Evoking the contentment she once had in the gentle rhythms of Bonaire, she learned of another path: a path away from burnout and toward restoration. And she invites you, too, to grasp a sustainable approach to life anchored by the forced pauses of spiritual practices and an openhandedness before God. Begin to rest and let go of the need to keep up, as you learn to live slowly.

 

Jodi Grubbs is the podcast host of Our Island in the City and a slow-living advocate. She is the author of Live Slowly: A Gentle Invitation to Exhale, a children’s book, The Island Adventures of Lili and Oliver, and coauthor of a Bible study called The Friendship Café. Jodi her daughter, Lili, live outside Raleigh, North Carolina.

Ul #306: Live Slowly (Gem with Jodi Grubbs)

 

Jodi Grubbs fell headlong into the endless rush and exhaustion of hustle culture. After leaving her childhood home on the island of Bonaire in the Caribbean, she had assumed the rapid pace and stress of city living in the States. Soon she realized God was bidding her to a return to the "island time" of her past.

 

In time Jodi found sanctuary and ways to care for her soul by making space for God, others, and herself. Evoking the contentment she once had in the gentle rhythms of Bonaire, she learned of another path: a path away from burnout and toward restoration. And she invites you, too, to grasp a sustainable approach to life anchored by the forced pauses of spiritual practices and an openhandedness before God. Begin to rest and let go of the need to keep up, as you learn to live slowly.

 

Jodi Grubbs is the podcast host of Our Island in the City and a slow-living advocate. She is the author of Live Slowly: A Gentle Invitation to Exhale, a children’s book, The Island Adventures of Lili and Oliver, and coauthor of a Bible study called The Friendship Café. Jodi her daughter, Lili, live outside Raleigh, North Carolina.

Notice, Discern, Respond: A Three-Step Process to Reframe Your Thoughts

Blog by Gem Fadling

 

Notice, discern, respond (NDR). Alan first introduced those three simple words in An Unhurried Leader and I further unpacked them in my book Hold That Thought .

 

While you can learn more about NDR in Hold That Thought, I’d like to simply walk you through the process today. Once you get the hang of NDR, it can become a good friend that helps you redirect your thinking. You can refer to this at any time to make some headway with a few of your most prominent unhelpful thoughts.

 

Let’s begin with NOTICE.

 

NOTICE

 

It’s important to begin with the practice of noticing. Become aware of the voices in your head. Don’t judge them or hide them. Simply notice and acknowledge them.

 

This is about bringing these voices into the light and not letting our thoughts remain unconscious or unquestioned. Don’t be afraid to look within. Fear keeps us trapped, so try to become curious about yourself and your thoughts.

 

Ponder for a moment… Try to capture one unhelpful thought that comes up for you often and write it down.

 

Examples might be:

 

Why can’t I get this right?
If only they would change, things would be all better.
I will feel okay once I get everything checked off my to-do list.
 So many things could go wrong. I can’t lose control.
 My opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t want to put myself out there.

 

You can borrow one of these or come up with your own. Whatever you choose, simply write it down.

 

Now, under that sentence, write two or three more unhelpful statements that often accompany your first thought. I’ve noticed that unhelpful thoughts like to come in clusters.

 

When you are ready, circle the one thought you would like to work with right now.

 

Once you have circled your chosen thought, let’s move on to DISCERN.

 

DISCERN

 

Discerning is about becoming more curious. Openness and honesty help here so that you can uncover what’s going on. Discernment is the key to becoming wiser and more confident. It is also the precursor to more healthy responses. Some thoughts will shift easily and others will require more time. Either way, you can move toward responding.

 

Look at the unhelpful thought you circled.
Reflect on the following questions as you continue journaling. Take your time. Pause as you linger over each question…

How have I come to rely on this thought?
What is it costing me to let this thought run the show?
What is making it difficult for me to let go of this thought?
What is the benefit of shifting to a more helpful thought?

 

Once you have journaled your initial responses to these questions, look back over your answers. Make some notes in the margins. What do you notice? What is the most helpful here? Do you see any patterns?

 

When you are ready, let’s move to RESPOND.

 

RESPOND

 

Once you have spent time discerning your thought, you can respond by coming up with a new, more helpful thought.

 

Rather than reacting, you can move through notice and discern into respond. Process matters in this case, especially if you want to make lasting change. In the work of changing your thought, consider a reframe and the helpful shift you would like to make. This may happen quickly or, depending on how deeply this thought is anchored within, it may take awhile. Either way, simply take the next step and keep going until you are engaging a new healthy pattern.

 

Look again at the first unhelpful thought you circled.

 

Now that you have spent a little time in discernment, see if you can come up with a new, more helpful thought.

 

Remember, this is a practice moment, not a perfection moment. Simply come up with a good first draft of a new thought. It can be edited and you can always add more thoughts later.

 

Write down a new, more helpful thought that might replace your first unhelpful thought.

 

Here are some samples based on the unhelpful thoughts I listed for you earlier:

 

Why can’t I get this right? Might become…

So, I didn’t get it right the first time. Condemning myself isn’t helping me right now. It’s actually okay to keep trying until I improve. I am going to give myself the grace to try again.


If only they would change, things would be all better. Might become…

I can learn to not give all the power to others. My well-being doesn’t rest on other people’s behavior.

 

I hope you hear my heart here. I’m not talking about a Pollyanna way of thinking. We are simply taking unhelpful thoughts and turning them on their head. I know it’s not that easy to make the shift. This will take time.

 

This is about telling ourselves the truth. Critical, shaming, or numbing thoughts do not help us mature the way we desire. We are simply becoming more aware of our thoughts so that they don’t run the show and keep us from engaging life the way we want to.

 

And remember, thought work is simply one part of a holistic approach to healing and wholeness. We don’t simply wrangle our thoughts on the road to change. We also work with our emotions, our body, our nervous system, our past traumas, and more.

 

NDR is just one more tool you can use to work with your inner life as God grows, matures, and heals you.

 

The practice of NDR is all throughout my book Hold That Thought. I hope you’ll pick up a copy and lean into your thoughts under the guidance of our loving Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

 

For Reflection: 

I encourage you to set aside 15 minutes right now or later this week so you can engage this practice.
Give yourself the gift of learning to notice, discern, and respond to your thoughts with grace and agency.

 

Remember, you’re making your way forward one small, simple, and gracious step at a time.