Alan Fadling's Blog, page 12

Recovering Prayerful Presence in a Hurry-Sick World

Blog by Alan Fadling

In 1950, Leonard Boase wrote, “It is the unrelenting pressure of hurry . . . a thousand and one other prickles make up the hair-shirt of present-day existence. Hence our desperate need in approaching prayer is first of all a relaxing of nervous tension” (The Prayer of Faith, p. 55). Seventy-five years later, his words still ring true—perhaps more urgently than ever. Talk of “prickles” and “hair-shirts” may sound archaic, but the experience is not. In many ways, our current digital age only intensifies the relentless pressure he describes.

 

Hurry is not merely a modern phenomenon but a deeply ingrained human dilemma. It’s easy to romanticize the past, to imagine that simpler times were somehow immune to the inner strain of urgency. Yet, Boase reminds us that this struggle is part of the human condition. Our technologies may have changed, but our souls have not. We are still prone to the illusion that if we just do a little more, go a little faster, we can live fuller and lead better.

 

This struggle is particularly acute for those of us called to spiritual leadership. The paradox is sobering: the very practices meant to deepen our intimacy with God often become casualties of our hurried pace. We may skim Scripture the way we skim social media feeds. We can treat prayer like a pit stop rather than a place of unhurried renewal. Instead of abiding in Christ, we anxiously produce, forgetting that the fruit of ministry is meant to be the overflow of a well-tended soul.

 

As leaders, we are invited to take seriously our role as stewards of our own spiritual health. If we ignore the signs of hurry sickness within us—frantic multitasking, shallow thinking, and constant distraction—we risk becoming more like CEOs managing a spiritual enterprise than shepherds guiding God’s people. Our congregations and communities need more than efficient leaders; they need attentive ones, those who model a life deeply rooted in God’s presence.

 

What would it look like to reclaim prayer as a sanctuary from hurry? Boase’s suggestion is disarmingly simple: begin by relaxing nervous tension. Rather than forcing ourselves into a state of prayer, we release our need to achieve anything at all. This initial act of surrender is a gentle reminder that prayer is not about getting things done but about being present with the One who loves us beyond measure.

 

For those of us who have spent too much time rushing from one task to the next, it’s worth pausing to ask: What are we afraid might happen if we slow down? How we answer that question may reveal a fear of losing control, of not measuring up, or of missing out. Bringing these fears into prayer—into the presence of God—can be a transformative first step toward healing our addiction to speed.

 

God is not in a hurry. Why, then, are we? When we slow our pace, we open up the possibility of encountering the God who is always present, always patient, always waiting. In prayerful stillness, we recover the capacity to lead not out of anxiety but out of a deep, unhurried trust in the Spirit’s work.

 

Reflection Questions: 

What habits or mindsets keep you caught in a cycle of hurry and pressure? How might you begin to release them in prayer?
How could you reclaim your daily rhythms to cultivate a slower, more attentive posture before God and others?

UL #316: Finding Contentment Right Where You Are

 

In this episode, we’re tackling the problem of restless dissatisfaction and how the pursuit of contentment can offer a way forward. For many of us, there’s an underlying sense that something in life—who we are, what we have, or where we’re headed—should be different. The constant pull of “what if” and “if only” can leave us feeling ungrounded and yearning for a sense of fulfillment that always seems just out of reach. As I looked back on my journal entries this year, I noticed contentment as a recurring theme in my conversations with God and with my spiritual director, reminding me of the peace and satisfaction that comes with learning to be present in the here and now.

Drawing from my own journey and insights from Brian Zahnd’s The Wood Between the Worlds, I’ll share practical reflections on how shifting our mindset toward contentment can bring new clarity and peace. This isn’t just about settling—it’s about recognizing how an inner posture of contentment can transform our experience, even when circumstances remain the same. Whether you’re a “Frustrated Idealist” in the Enneagram triad (Types One, Four, and Seven) or simply someone who finds themselves often seeking more, join me as we explore the ways contentment can anchor us in purpose, grace, and genuine satisfaction.

 

Links:

The Wood Between the Worlds by Brian Zahnd
The Journey Toward Wholeness by Suzanne Stabile
The Benefits of Looking Back podcast episode

Unlocking Wholeness: The Role of a Wise Guide in Your Spiritual Life

Blog by Gem Fadling

Alan and I often enjoy our local bike trails. It is so refreshing to move at bicycle pace with the wind in my face and the fragrance of eucalyptus trees in the air.

 

Recently we were biking past a young women’s softball game at a large park. In the distance, I could hear the coach yelling, “Go, go, go, go!” And then a few seconds later, he yelled, “Stop, stop!” His energy was quite dramatic.

 

As I continued pedaling, I thought about the benefit of having a coach who can see the whole field and the other players. The batter is concentrating on their hit and then running as fast as they can. They can only see so much on their way to first base. The coach not only has a wider vantage point, but hopefully has greater experience as well. Listening to the coach’s GOs and STOPs can be very helpful for the entire team.

 

I am a trained spiritual director and a certified life coach, so I have never once yelled at one of my clients to “Go!” or “Stop!” Spiritual directors and coaches are not meant to be so obvious and directive. However, they do have experience in holding sacred space and asking powerful questions. This ensures that you might notice, discern, and respond to the GOs and STOPs in your own life.

 

James 5:16 says, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed” (The Message). The context of this verse is about being prayed for in various circumstances. So I think it’s not too far of a stretch to talk about this in the context of having a wise co-discerner in your life.

 

Confessing our sins is important, and this verse makes a very clear promise about that: wholeness and health. We can add to this the idea of speaking out loud the many and various dynamics we have in our lives. Confessing can be broadened beyond sins to thoughts, feelings, relationships, weaknesses, and more.

 

Verbalizing, rather than keeping everything bottled up inside, can lead to healing and wholeness. This is a gift. God did not mean for us to be alone, especially in our struggles. Having a trusted guide allows us to bring ourselves out of the shadows and into the light.

 

I have made the decision that I will have a spiritual director for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine a time when I won’t want to place myself in front of a trained and wise listener—someone who can hold sacred space with me. I get to process my life out loud as someone asks questions and shares prompts to help me connect with God along the way.

 

God speaks to us in and through the circumstances of our lives. A wise guide can ask: 

How is God INVITING you to respond?
How might God be FORMING you in this?
How is GOD AT WORK in this?
How might you DISCERN GOD’S DESIRE for you in this?
What ASPECT OF GOD do you need/desire in this?
What do you WANT GOD TO DO for you?

 

Of course, we can ask ourselves these questions. These would be great during a time of personal reflection. But it is still important to have others join us on the journey because we don’t always hear or interpret what is going on correctly. We need outside wise voices to help us discern what’s next.

 

Who is it that you’re meeting with to hold space for you so that you can gain the vantage point of a wider view? Christian leaders, now more than ever, need safe space and support to bear up under the rigors of life.

 

Here are a few ideas of the kinds of support you might need:

 

Spiritual friend
Pastor
Spiritual director
Therapist
Life coach
Mentor

 

I am not ashamed to say that I believe everyone should have a spiritual director. To be accompanied like this is one of life’s greatest gifts. Sacred space, holy listening, co-discerning, non-pressured care. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

But if you can’t find or afford a spiritual director, therapist, or life coach, you might be able to find a spiritual friend, pastor, or mentor. Any one of these can journey with you in ways you feel a need for.

 

The least expensive (free) and maybe most easily accessible step is to find yourself a spiritual or soul friend. Spiritual friendship, in my experience, is when two people agree together that they will meet for the purpose of caring and listening in a non-judgmental, non-fixing way.

 

A soul friend doesn’t need to be an expert, and they don’t need to have answers. What is most important is that they are trustworthy and are willing to be with you in whatever it is you want to share. And then you can return the favor by holding space for them.

 

I have a handful of wise women in my life who hold my heart gently and beautifully. It is one of the greatest gifts in my life.

 

I pray that you will find someone to share your deepest heart with. Men and women alike need someone in their lives with whom they can share their greatest joys and their deepest struggles.

 

May God guide you to your own wise guide or spiritual friend, and may you find the freedom and grace that lies within this gift.

 

Reflection 

Spend some time with one of the six bulleted questions above. Choose one to ponder, pray, and journal. Notice what emerges.
Of the six types of wise guides I listed, which one do you most feel the need for? How might you connect with the support you need?
Spend some time with God in prayer, letting him know of your desire for a trusted, wise guide.

UL #315: Lighting the Path to Flourishing w/Mindy Caliguire

 

The problem of burnout among Christian leaders has become an epidemic in recent years. I’ve seen Christian leaders taking emergency sabbaticals more often than at any other point in my 40 years of ministry. The souls of many Christian leaders are in trouble.

How do you care for your soul?
How would that help address the weariness and overwhelm many are experiencing?

I’ll be talking about soul care with our guest today, Mindy Caliguire, on the Unhurried Living podcast.

Mindy Caliguire is the co-founder and president of Soul Care. In the past, she has served in executive leadership at Gloo, and the Willow Creek Association (now the Global Leadership Network). She speaks into and advises organizations including Compassion International, ECFA, National Christian Foundation, and many churches and ministries across the US and beyond. Mindy’s books include:

Discovering Soul Care
Spiritual Friendship
STIR
The book we’re talking about today, Ignite Your Soul .

____________________________________________________________

Connect with Alan on LinkedIn or learn more about Unhurried Living programs on their website. 

Learn about PACE: Certificate in Leadership and Soul Care

Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us

Embracing the Process: Moving Beyond Event Thinking in Our Walk with God

Blog by Alan Fadling

One of my mentors, Chuck Miller, often said two simple words that have shaped how I think about my work: “Process matters.” The work we do is not isolated from the work we’ve done or the work we will do in the future. There is a difference between process thinking and event thinking.

 

Our life is a process, a pathway, a journey. Working with God is too.

 

We are invited by Jesus into a transforming journey: week by week, month by month, year by year. Over time, God is changing us little by little. Either we can learn to cooperate with this process or we can resist it. The process is there just the same.

 

One passage that helps me cultivate process thinking is Paul’s counsel to his friends in Galatia:

 

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25)

 

We are alive because God’s Spirit breathes life into us moment by moment. Paul says that since we are alive thanks to the work of God’s Spirit, let’s learn to keep in step with the guidance of that same Spirit.

 

This counsel is not about a static moral stance. It is a pathway, and along it we learn to more deeply commune and more fully collaborate with God.  We can learn to cultivate an attentiveness and responsiveness to the Spirit’s presence with us. This is one facet of what I’m referring to here as “process thinking.”

 

When we cooperate with God’s process in our lives, what we do in a particular moment may not feel especially productive. For example, if I was completely clueless about agriculture, seeing a farmer pouring water at the roots of a tree might look like he’s just making mud. But since most of us know how trees work, we realize that watering them is one way to help trees be as productive as they can be.

 

As I pray for people in my life and in my work, it doesn’t often feel profoundly productive. It may look and feel like words spoken into the air. I know it’s a good thing to do, but I don’t always realize that it’s an activity much like the farmer watering the tree. I am cooperating with the work of God’s Spirit in the lives of others. I am inviting the gracious presence of God to bless the one for whom I pray.

 

In contrast to process thinking is event thinking. Here, we imagine our lives as a series of events to manage rather than a process in which events are interrelated elements. We can become wrapped up in meeting after meeting, project after project, task after task. We may miss how they relate to one another or where they are heading or what is the goal of it all.

 

How do events play into process? Instead of seeing a long sequence of unrelated events that can overwhelm me, I learn to see all the events of my life as a divinely interrelated process. I’m on a single journey that involves many encounters, many gatherings, many projects, and many tasks. I see the one process God has me in rather than seeing the many events of that process as separate and unrelated.

 

But it sometimes feels easier to be event-focused instead. Events often feel productive in the moment. Getting something done feels satisfying. We accomplish something. Maybe we attract a group of people to participate in something we’ve planned. Maybe we earn a bit of income. These are all good, desirable outcomes.

 

But process thinking provides the larger context of the eventual “why” for all these events. Process thinking is about taking a longer view of productivity. One facet of the process God has me in is helping others become deeply rooted followers of Jesus. That takes longer than a few months.

 

In the final chapter of my book An Unhurried Leader, I talk about “Working with God,” and toward the end of the chapter I share a process way of thinking called CDER. (I usually pronounce it as “cedar.”) It’s an acronym for contemplation, discernment, engagement, and reflection. Having an event orientation to life and work can cause us to overlook elements like contemplation, discernment, and reflection, and just fill our lives with more and more engagement.

 

Do, do, do. Wayne Anderson, another of my mentors, talked about “Do Do Theology” (and the pun is fully intended). Our faith and our work are more than just doing lots of things for God. We are on a journey with God in all that we do. What we do is rooted in who God has made us. What we do is fruit of our communion with God.  

 

So CDER is a way of cultivating a process way of thinking about my life and work.

 

I learn to cultivate a contemplative
I learn to see my life and work with a discerning
I learn to engage in my life and work in this contemplative and discerning framework.
And then I grow in wisdom through reflecting on how God has guided me, encouraged me, and counseled me, and what I learned in those moments.

 

Making space in our way of living and working for contemplation, discernment, and reflection is, by design, unhurried. It can feel less productive because we imagine that these practices take time away from doing actual work.

 

But if we see our lives as the divine process that they are, then these practices are very much like the farmer watering a tree, weeding around it, feeding its roots. In the moment it doesn’t appear productive, but when the moment for harvest comes, we’ll likely find more and better fruit.

 

For Reflection:

How do you typically view your life and work—as a series of events to manage or as a continuous process of growth and transformation?
Reflect on a recent situation where you felt unproductive. Could it have been an opportunity to “water the roots” of a larger process in your life?
What steps can you take to incorporate more contemplation, discernment, and reflection (CDER) into your weekly engagements?

UL #314: Embracing Your Journey to Belonging with Cameron Lee Small

 

Adoption is often framed by happy narratives, but the reality is that many adoptees struggle with unaddressed trauma and issues of identity and belonging. Adoptees often spend the majority of their youth without the language to explore the grief related to adoption or the permission to legitimize their conflicting emotions.

 

Today, Gem is speaking with counselor and author Cameron Lee Small about his new book, The Adoptee’s Journey. 

 

You might be wondering what adoption has to do with spiritual leadership. Well, here at UL, we care very much about people and their stories. And this story is very personal to me in that I am an adoptee.

 

Gem is also sharing her own journey as an adoptee and giving you real time insight into my current personal process. She shares things that she's never spoken in a public setting. 

 

Learn more about adoption and Cameron's story:

Adoptee Consciousness Model
Harlow's Monkey // JaeRan Kim
Grace Newton // Trauma and Healing of Consciousness
Adoptive Parenting Consultation Group hosted by Cam
Schedule Cam to speak and train at your next event
Cam's main website

Connect with Cameron on Social media:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/camleesmall/
Instagram: @therapyredeemed
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therapyredeemed

From Pain to Compassion: How I Found Empathy in Suffering

Blog by Gem Fadling

Here is an uncomfortable truth: You can’t grow in wisdom and maturity unless you traverse difficult circumstances.

 

I’ve wrestled with this on and off over the course of my life. I have asked “why” more times than I can count. Why must I suffer? Why do I experience trials? Why can’t I grow simply by cognitively understanding the situation?

 

I’m not claiming to have the answers to these questions, but I can share some of my musings on them.

 

One notable trait has emerged as a result of my difficulties: compassion.

 

The tectonic plates of pain shifted dramatically for me when I suffered a disc extrusion in my lower back many years ago. Nerve pain is beyond any pain I ever imagined. I had no idea such agony existed. Up to that point, the worst physical pain I ever experienced had been recovering from cesarean sections. But nerve pain is another animal altogether.

 

My eyes opened to the amount of pain that could be experienced by people. If this is happening to me, I thought, then that means it’s happening to other people around the world. Compassion surged from this realization, and it moved to the center of how I understand and hold space for others. My heart expanded.

 

How else could such compassion—and its companion, empathy—awaken in me if I had not experienced pain myself? A cognitive understanding of suffering doesn’t automatically lead to empathy.

 

I suppose experiencing that kind of pain can lead a person to bitterness rather than empathy. But guided by the Holy Spirit, I expanded within and bitterness did not emerge. I was able to see at a deeper level that people are suffering in so many ways—not just physically, but emotionally and relationally.

 

Suffering is a dynamic for most of us. Life invariably offers up challenging and even devastating seasons. We can fight against this, or we can learn to receive pain and suffering over the span of our lives as an important part of maturing. We can grow in empathy and compassion for others even as we endure our own hardships.

 

And yet, even as I type this, a familiar voice rises within me asking, Why?

 

I could get stuck on this question forever. I don’t know why. I just know this is how the world is set up. In 2 Corinthians 1:3-7, the apostle Paul shows his acceptance of this process. He speaks about troubles matter-of-factly and says that comfort from all directions can arise from within these sufferings.

 

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.”

 

Receiving God’s comfort and sharing that comfort freely with those around us is an important part of our connection with one another.

 

Do not shy away from your own pruning or trials. Don’t be afraid to face them and move through them. Yes, this is messy and not fun in any way. And yet we can learn to receive God’s comfort in the midst of pain. This makes us more empathetic and compassionate toward others. It opens up a new place inside of us where we can hold the suffering of others and care more about them.

 

For Reflection: 

How have your painful circumstances moved you to greater compassion?
If you are in the middle of a trial right now, how might you meet the God of all comfort?
Wherever you find yourself, bring yourself to God. God sees you as you are and receives you as such.

UL #313: Unlearning to Know: A Journey from Head Knowledge to Heart Connection

 

Thirty years ago, I was visiting one of my very favorite sorts of places—a bookstore. It was a Barnes & Noble in Pasadena, California, and I was browsing through the Faith section of books. There I saw a book by an author I’d heard of but never read. The author was Thomas Merton, and the title was New Seeds of Contemplation. 

 

It was Fall 1994 when I picked up a copy of Thomas Merton’s book New Seeds of Contemplation. I was a college pastor in the San Gabriel Valley in Southern California, and I’d been on a spiritual formation journey for a few years by then. 

 

Today, I’m sharing from my journal entries in that season as I read the book. The first chapter posed a question I was asking at the time: “What is contemplation?” There weren’t many of my colleagues who were using that sort of language about their spiritual lives, but I was finding it increasingly inviting in my own life with God. 

 

One of Merton’s insights that spoke me then was that, “In contemplation...we know by `unknowing." 

Choosing Rest Over Rush: The Courage to Work with God’s Rhythm

Blog by Alan Fadling

I’ve said it many times, and I believe this to be true:

 

Good rest is hard work.

 

When we’re exhausted, true rest seems beyond us. And when we’re worn out, we don’t have a lot of discernment about what work matters most and what is urgent but unimportant.

 

What I’ve found in my own experience is that when I’m deeply weary, I often make bad choices about my work. I’m not very discerning about what I say yes to and what I say no to. When I’m exhausted, I can embrace an easy, distracting task so I don’t have to think about my deep weariness anymore. I add more meaningless work to my overwork as a way of numbing my awareness of just how tired I am.

 

Does it help? It really doesn’t. Being numb to my exhaustion does not refresh me. It just postpones the inevitable crash.

 

The years since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic have been some of the most challenging in my forty years of ministry work. I wonder what your work experience has been like over these last few years. I’ve said elsewhere that Gem and I have had to double down on our intention to live and work at the pace of grace rather than letting ourselves succumb to the temptation to hurry and overwork. Financial pressures and radical changes in our work have tempted us to overdo.

 

There’s a sense in which my overwork says that my hurry can get more done than God’s unhurried way can. It’s like imagining that I can make an oak tree grow in weeks and months instead of the years and decades it takes to mature.

 

I still believe what I wrote about in An Unhurried Life when I said, “Overwork can end up like progress made on a treadmill. Furthermore, there can be an ironic laziness about such work. The sheer quantity may be impressive, but quantity does not require as much effort from us as work that results in creativity, vitality or joy. In that sense, overwork can be lazy work” (p. 47).

 

I want to do the hard work of discerning how to do my job in closer collaboration with the Spirit who guides and empowers me. Unfortunately, mindless busyness is usually easier than mindful, strategic work. It takes time to discern well how to do my job in a way Jesus might do it. It requires creativity and humility.

 

Something I have found helpful here is to ask myself:

 

How will this help others and bring grace into their lives?

 

Productive work helps people. What I do matters because somehow or other it blesses people.

 

Another good question that Gem and I have both been asking ourselves recently is this:

 

What kind of space for communion with God do we need to do all the work God’s entrusted to us well?

 

We’ve found we needed more uncluttered space and unhurried time than before. When my body and soul find the rest they need in God’s presence, I am far more creative, wise, visionary, and energized in my work. My best work really does grow out of a soul at rest in God.

 

When I talk about hurry with busy leaders, a common objection I hear is, “If I don’t keep up with the busyness that surrounds me, I’ll fall behind and miss out.”

 

Paul says something in his first letter to the Corinthians that has often been a source of encouragement and guidance for me in how to work hard without hurry. Look at how the grace of God impacted the quality of Paul’s work:

 

“By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.” (1 Cor. 15:10)

 

Grace gives Paul his sense of purpose and meaning. Grace gives Paul his identity. But grace also has a profound effect on his work. He claims that he worked harder than any of the others who were called apostles. He says that it wasn’t so much him working harder, but grace at work in and through him to motivate, energize, and bless the work he did for God’s kingdom.

 

When I believe more deeply that I’m not so much achieving my work as I am being entrusted with it, I have more confidence and courage in my work. I receive what I need to work hard and work well in the experienced presence of God. And when I struggle, I offer up little prayers of request about feeling stuck or discouraged or confused.

 

Hard kingdom work is energized by the generous and empowering presence of God.

 

I’ve appreciated the wisdom of Henri Nouwen over the years, and he says this about the work we do:

 

“Our task is to help people concentrate on the real but often hidden event of God’s active presence in their lives. Hence, the question that must guide [us] . . . is not how to keep people busy, but how to keep them from being so busy that they can no longer hear the voice of God who speaks in silence.” (quoted in An Unhurried Life, p. 49)

 

My prayer is that you’ll discover a pace in your life and work that is more gracious, more rich in the unhurried and loving presence of our Father in heaven with you.

 

For Reflection:

How do you currently distinguish between work that is urgent and work that is truly important in your life?
What would it look like to trust in God’s unhurried way rather than your own efforts to get things done?
What practical steps can you take to create more uncluttered space and unhurried time in your daily life to hear God’s voice more clearly?

UL #312: Why Your Worth Isn't Tied to Productivity

 

“Your identity is a gift to be received, not a paycheck to be earned.” I love this profound insight that echoes throughout Alan’s writings. They resonate with a truth we often overlook. They capture the essence of grace—a grace that defines our existence not by what we achieve, but by who we are as God’s beloved.

 

Our lives are gifts and yet how often do we find ourselves caught in the trap of earning mode? We measure our worth by what we do, by how much we accomplish, and by the approval we receive from others. This striving can become exhausting, leaving us empty and disconnected from the truth that our identity is not something to be earned but something to be received and embraced.

 

Gem offers a 3 ideas to help you embrace your belovedness as you learn that your productivity is NOT tied to your worth.