Alan Fadling's Blog, page 12

UL #305: Unhurried Favorites - Working FOR God, Working WITH God (Alan)

 

Over the summer, Gem and I are sharing some replays of our podcast we’re calling “Unhurried Favorites.” Today I’m sharing a conversation I had with two friends, Matt and Darrell, about the difference between “working for God” and “working with God.” It is among our most downloaded episodes. 

Why Happiness ISN'T the Ultimate Goal

Blog by Gem Fadling

There is a word that often pops up in movies and TV shows. You’ve likely heard it dozens, if not hundreds of times. It’s a word that seems to have deep meaning for those who are speaking in the fictional setting, but for me, it just doesn’t carry the intended weight.

 

The word? Happy.

 

In a storyline, people often will speak it on behalf of a friend or loved one. “I just want them to be happy,” they say, as if happiness were the ultimate goal in life.

 

The online Cambridge Dictionary defines happy as “feeling, showing, or causing pleasure or satisfaction.” And of course there is nothing wrong with wanting others to be happy. I just wonder if it stops short of an ultimate hope.

 

I have found that happiness is fleeting. It’s not something I can count on. Moods, thoughts, feelings, circumstances, and so much more can topple the sensation of happiness like a toddler toppling a tower of building blocks. Happiness is a moving target. It comes and goes depending on our situation, and it is often based in our misplaced expectations.

 

You know I’m an optimist, so I’m not trying to be Debbie Downer. I simply don’t believe happiness can be a goal. Life is difficult, and most of us are riding two rails at once. On one hand we may be sailing along, and on the other we may be carrying a weighty trial. Mere happiness is not enough to sustain us in the good and bad days.

 

So, I’d like to offer two other words that might better express the depth of hope we have for ourselves and others.

 

The first word is joy, which is a more robust word than happiness. If happiness is fleeting, joy is strong, substantial, unmoving. I know this because Paul lists it second in the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. Joy is the fruit of something. Like the other fruits, it springs forth from the work of the Spirit within us.

 

Joy is not at the mercy of circumstance.

 

I recently watched the Jon Batiste and Suleika Jaouad documentary American Symphony. At its heart was the story of concurrent but opposite dynamics. Jon was composing a symphony, winning Grammys, traveling the world, and growing in admiration and fame at the same time as his wife, Suleika, was battling cancer and undergoing debilitating treatments.

 

They were living two extremes at once, and yet they portrayed a deep sense of joy at the center of their lives. It is in the depths of pain that the human spirit rises to the occasion and bursts forth in joy. Happiness isn’t strong enough to withstand the trials and suffering of cancer. Joy is deeper, stronger, and more mysterious.

 

The second word is contentment, and the story of the apostle Paul springs immediately to mind. Many of us are familiar with his words from Philippians:

 

“I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:10-13)

 

This passage says it all. Contentment isn’t dependent upon circumstances. Paul learned the hard way, which is really the only way truth becomes grace in our lives. Whether in need or in plenty, Paul learned contentment. This means he had to dig deeper into the life of the Spirit within, grounding himself in kingdom reality.

 

Joy and contentment are wise, solid, real, unbending, and unwavering graces. And we can partake of them freely as we continue to open to God’s transforming power in our lives.

 

So, sure, there’s nothing wrong with being happy. And I will likely use that word in the future. But I wanted to point out the loose way it gets used in the media. Happiness cannot be our ultimate goal, because life is too tumultuous, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. Joy and contentment are more helpful paths forward.

 

For Reflection:

What do you think about the word happiness? How does it relate to joy and contentment for you?
How have the difficult times in your life ultimately resulted in a deeper level of joy or contentment?
What scripture inspires you to be more joyful or content?

The Rush to Nowhere: How Anxiety Fuels Our Fast-Paced Lives

Blog by Alan Fadling

There is a condition called hurry sickness. It’s the feeling of always being rushed, as if we are lagging behind in a race, and it raises our stress levels. One sign of hurry sickness is a sense that we don’t have enough time to get everything done. We can end up feeling increasing frustration with anyone or anything that gets in the way of what we believe we have to do. Multitasking is a strategy we use to try boosting our productivity, at least in the short-term. But the long-term costs of hurry can be high.

 

In a series of emails beginning with this one, I’ll be discussing core drivers of hurry that I’ve been addressing in my own life since I wrote An Unhurried Life. Today, in the spirit of my recent book A Non-Anxious Life, I’ll unpack how anxiety drives hurry in our lives.

 

In my continuing journey of recovery from hurry sickness, it’s important for me to recognize what is driving my hurried soul. I can identify many things, and I wrote A Non-Anxious Life, in part, to explore ways that anxiety continues to drive my own hurry.

 

Anxiety can have different effects on us. Sometimes it paralyzes us and causes us to freeze. Sometimes it diverts us and causes us to flee. But sometimes anxiety can drive us and rush us and put us into fight mode. That’s a specific type of anxiety I see even in the lives of Christian leaders, and it greatly influences what we do and how we do it. It can cause us to be moved less by the holy energy of hope and joy and love, and more by a desire to feel important and valuable and productive.

 

I know I’ve said things like this before, and maybe I’m repeating them partly for my own benefit. Simple reminders can have immense value. In fact, in his second letter, the apostle Peter says, “So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have” (2 Peter 1:12). He is writing to people who are already firmly established in the truth they’ve received, and he says even they still need reminders.

 

Forgetfulness is one of the great challenges to spiritual growth. I learn something good. I grow in that goodness. But over time I can forget the goodness of that truth. Perhaps I take it for granted and begin to wander a bit.

 

Sometimes, what I need most is not a new insight but a simple reminder of something I already know. It’s good when truth is refreshed at the center of our souls. In the end, there is a holy simplicity about truth. That’s why some say that growth moves in the direction of becoming a beginner again.

 

So today’s reminder is about anxiety because it’s a basic issue in many of our lives. Some of us are more aware of it than others. Over the last decade, I’ve come to realize that anxiety is a primary driver of hurry and to recognize it as a continual challenge in my own leadership.

 

For example, when I was first drafting this post, I had a Zoom conversation that was both exciting and nerve-racking. I was talking with someone who has encouraged me in my writing and who has a lot of influence in the publishing world. I left the call encouraged but also nervous. You see, anxiety has become such a habit for me that it isn’t provoked only by the prospect of something bad happening. Even good possibilities can arouse anxiety in me. As I said in A Non-Anxious Life, anxiety can become a habit—a kind of autopilot that just feels like an unchangeable part of me.

 

The insight that anxiety is a temptation like any other has been helping me in my own struggle against it. In An Unhurried Life, I wrote a chapter titled “Temptation: Unhurried Enough to Resist.” The thing is, temptation thrives on hurry.

 

Temptation never recommends that you take your time and think things through. Temptation is all about now. Hurry up and grab what you want! Take control before somebody else does! Get busy and prove yourself! Temptation is by nature hurried.

 

Think about the counsel of James when it comes to temptation: “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). How does that actually work when it comes to anxiety-driven hurry?

 

Submitting to God looks like the opposite of anxiety-driven hurry. Instead of telling ourselves, “Hurry up and grab what you want,” we lean into the invitation of the closing lines of Psalm 27:

 

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

 

Living less hurried involves learning to wait on God. There are things that you and I have absolutely no control over. My anxiety has often been an attempt to gain control over situations that only God can manage. Yes, there are actions I can take. There are good things I can do. There is good work for me to engage. But none of it requires anxiety. None of it.

 

Listen again to those words from Psalm 27: Be strong. Take heart. Wait for the Lord. Does that sound more like anxiety or more like peace? Don’t you hear the shalom saturating those phrases?

 

In a couple of weeks, I’ll share more about the dynamic of anxiety that underlies much of our hurry these days.

 

For Reflection:

How has anxiety fueled patterns of hurry in your own experience?
When have you listened to the advice of anxiety and found yourself in a frantic, reactive mode?
When anxiety rises up, are there ways you are learning to slow down, even for a moment, and offer yourself to the God of peace who is always present? How might you experiment with this approach?

UL #304: Unhurried Favorites - Enneagram Wisdom for Relating with Others (Gem w/Suzanne Stabile)

 

Over the summer, we are offering some episodes of our podcast we’re calling “Unhurried Favorites.” Today I’m sharing my interview with Suzanne Stabile. When we aired it last time, it was only a snippet of our conversation. Well, today, you can listen to it in it’s entirety.

 

Most of us have no idea how others see or process their experiences. And that can make relationships difficult. Understanding the motivations and dynamics of our different personality types can be the key that unlocks sometimes mystifying behavior in others―and in ourselves. Suzanne Stabile’s book, The Path Between Us looks at the nine Enneagram types and how they behave and experience relationships. 

 

We all desire healthier relationships and Suzanne can help point the way.

 

Suzanne Stabile’s book, The Path Between Us looks at the nine Enneagram types and how they behave and experience relationships.  

Unpacking the Power of Compassion

Blog by Gem Fadling

I am well past the child-bearing years. My sons are full-grown adults. But those long-ago days of pregnancy and little people are still as fresh in my memory as ever. I can still picture their little cherub faces and tiny chiclet teeth. And I can remember how their hair smelled like cookies until they were about five years old. (Yes, even dirty, stinky boys can have cookie hair!)

 

All of this brings to mind Isaiah 49:15: 

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
    and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
    I will not forget you!”

 

I love this passage because it’s such a huge, undeniable promise. The rhetorical question has an ever-present answer: Of course a mother would never forget her nursing baby! Of course a mother would have compassion on all of her children.

 

God is saying that even if a mother were to forget her children (which she won’t), God will never forget us. God is doubling down on how much he wants us to know that he will never withhold his love for us. God’s compassion is sure, and we will not be forgotten.

 

This is important for us to hold on to as we continue to make our way through life. I don’t know about you, but I’m hearing more often about the suffering of the people around me. Life is difficult in many different ways for many people.

 

And yet, in the midst of this is the good news: You are not forgotten.

 

This means you are remembered with compassion. Let’s hold on to this truth and allow it to change us from the inside out. The first person to whom you could show compassion is yourself. How you treat yourself is often how you treat others, so receiving your own compassion is a great place to start.

 

And let’s also extend compassion to those around us. We aren’t the only ones who are anxious, tired, or overwhelmed. Let’s extend this compassionate love to everyone we come into contact with in our home, our neighborhood, on social media, through a Zoom conference, or in a grocery store line.

 

The assurance “You are not forgotten” speaks directly to our hearts. We long to be seen, heard, known, and loved. And God meets us in that very place. What will it look like for you to receive today?

 

For Reflection: 

Whether you are a parent or not, think of someone special in your life—someone you would never turn your back on, someone you would never forget.
How do you feel about that person? How deeply do you love them?
Now imagine that your love is just a fraction of how much God loves you (and the whole world).
How might you encounter God today in light of his compassionate, I’ll-never-forget-you love?

 

Even if the people you love don’t have “cookie-smelling hair,” your commitment to them is sure. And even if you yourself don’t have a “cherub face” or “chiclet teeth,” God’s love for you is unquestionable. And don’t you forget it.

Retreat Rhythms: Balancing Structure and Surrender in Solitude

Blog by Alan Fadling

This is the third and final post in my New Camaldoli Retreat series.

 

If you are thinking about trying on or continuing a practice of spiritual retreat, what kind of place is a good one?

 

Where Do You Go on Retreat?

Get away to a place where you can find some solitude and silence. In my particular stream of Christianity, what we often call retreat centers are actually conference centers. They are designed for large groups of people to gather and listen to talks from experts or entertainers. And while that can be a joyful thing, it can be hard to get alone or find quiet in those settings.

 

I’ve often made use of Catholic retreat centers and monasteries like New Camaldoli. Going on retreat at a location designed specifically for that purpose makes it easier to follow through with your plan. Search the internet for monasteries and retreat centers in your area or in a part of the country you’ve always wanted to visit.

 

Once you’ve found a place…

 

What Do You Do on Retreat?

In an extended retreat, I seek to find a balance between

 

structure and freedom
activity and receptivity
engagement and disengagement
work and rest

 

I’m not measuring my retreat in terms of productivity, though cultivating a rhythm of retreat has been among the most fruitful practices for me over the last thirty years.

 

One way to discern these rhythms is to pay attention to the desires that arise. As a leader, sometimes there is little to no space between an impulse that arises and an action I take. On retreat, I have time and space to notice the desires that arise, discern whether or not they move me in good directions, and then decide how I want to act on them or resist them.

 

Perhaps retreat is a place where Augustine’s counsel best comes into play: “Love God and do whatever you please: for the soul trained in love to God will do nothing to offend the One who is Beloved.”

 

On extended retreat we have space to distinguish shallow and empty impulses from deep, God-given desires. We can resist the former and lean into the latter. What does the “me” created in the image of Christ want to do with these moments of retreat? Do I know? Can I be patient to discern the answer to such a question? Again, extended retreat allows us time and space to listen for that insight.

 

As I’ve mentioned already, on a multiple-day retreat it’s important not to program every minute. This is a mistake I’ve sometimes made. In times of extended retreat, we can make space for unstructured receptivity to God. This involves practicing God’s presence in simplicity. We listen for God. We watch for God. We seek to notice the creativity and care of God that surrounds us. We let God shepherd us on our retreat.

 

What Benefits Do I Gain from Retreat?

It has been good for me to practice retreat as a regular rhythm rather than an occasional, desperate escape. The Gospel of Luke reminds us that “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (5:16). It’s the word “often” that always grabs me there. There was a regularity to this rhythm in Jesus’s way of life.

 

That regularity was focused on prayer as Jesus stepped away from what usually filled his days and made time and space to be in communion with his Father in heaven. He rested in the presence of his Father. He listened for the voice of his Father. He watched for the work of his Father.

 

Jesus spoke to the Father about what was on his mind and heart, what concerned him, what he hoped for. He was often alone in his Father’s presence. And I believe this was the way in which he discerned what the Father was giving him to do and to say. Retreat has been such a training ground for me.

 

If you haven’t been in the habit of making personal retreats, I don’t recommend starting with an eight-day version. You aren’t seeking to do something spiritually heroic, which can be more about ego than about seeking God. Begin by setting aside an hour or two, maybe half a day. Decide on a length of time that feels like a stretch without feeling overwhelming.

 

Decide what you’ll say “Yes” to and what you’ll say “No” to. Then offer this retreat as a gift to God. What makes the time good is not your spiritual “performance” or some spiritual “experience” you might (or might not) have. What makes it good is that God is with you and that you are offering your attention to notice God with you.

 

If you aren’t already trying on the practice of spiritual retreat, I hope you’ll take a next step. If you are, I hope you discover the grace of this practice more and more.

 

For Reflection:

If you haven't yet integrated spiritual retreats into your life, what steps could you take to begin? What reservations might you need to overcome?
When considering the activities and rhythms of your retreat, how do you strike a balance between structure and freedom, engagement and disengagement, work and rest?
What benefits have you personally experienced from practicing retreat as a regular rhythm rather than an occasional escape?

 

Following are the links to the first two parts to the series:

Unplugged in Big Sur: Finding God in Silence and Solitude
Creating Space for Grace: The Power of Saying No and Yes on Retreat

UL #303: Unhurried Favorites - The Soul of Desire (Alan w/ Curt Thompson, MD)

 

Over the summer, we are sharing some replays of our podcast we’re calling “Unhurried Favorites.”

Today I'm resharing an interview with Curt Thompson, MD about his book The Soul of Desire. I found so many intersections with what Gem and I have been learning in our journey towards wholeness and vitality in our life in God. In this book, Curt talks about the place of desire in our lives, how desire can sometimes get hijacked, but how desire can be a holy motive and energy that moves us toward the beautiful life of God he has always intended for us. 

 

Curt Thompson is a board-certified psychiatrist,  founder of Being Known, an organization that develops resources for hope and healing at the intersection of neuroscience and Christian spiritual formation, and host of Being Known Podcast. In addition to The Soul of Desire, he is also the author of The Soul of Shame and Anatomy of the Soul.

 

You can connect with Curt on social media on Instagram and Facebook.

Unlocking the Power of Trust

Blog by Gem Fadling

I exhaust myself sometimes. The flurrying thoughts that run through my brain paired with the unhelpful expectations I place on myself and others can really wear me down.

 

I recently caught myself in one of these thought whirlpools, and almost immediately I heard a phrase of scripture in my mind:

 

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. (Psalm 20:7)

 

This sentence was a knock on the door of my heart, so I went to Psalm 20 to read it in context. I had a feeling the Holy Spirit was trying to help me with my flurry.

 

Psalm 20 

1 May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
    may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
    and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
    and accept your burnt offerings.
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
    and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy over your victory
    and lift up our banners in the name of our God.

May the Lord grant all your requests.

6 Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
    but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
    but we rise up and stand firm.
9 Lord, give victory to the king!
    Answer us when we call!

 

When I first peruse a passage of scripture, I like to notice the verbs. The action words help me to sense God’s presence. In the first four verses, these verbs stand out: answer, help, grant, remember, accept, give, make.

 

Sometimes my heart needs to be reminded of God’s activity so I don’t feel so alone. I don’t need to do an extensive word search for more meaning. I can simply take the verbs at face value and allow them to wash over me. God’s loving action calms me. Reading these words, I could feel myself take a deep breath.

 

But then in verse 7 we come upon the verse that leapt into my mind earlier: Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

 

I don’t currently own any chariots or horses, but I do tend to trust my own devices and activities (my own horsepower, so to speak) to help me make my way. That is, until I hit a wall of anxiety, exhaustion, or overwhelm. I don’t think I’m alone in this. Does this sound familiar to you as well?

 

The invitation for me was to lay down my trust in that which is other than God and to return my gaze to him. I do, in fact, trust in the name of the Lord my God. So I made the internal pivot and it helped.

 

It’s not always this easy. Sometimes I’ve dug quite a hole for myself, and it takes a bit to make my way back to the surface. But on this particular day I simply needed a holy redirection and an inner shift.

 

I wonder if it might be good to look at verse 7 and replace chariots and horses with some of the ways we might misplace our trust. Let’s try on a few:

 

Some trust in degrees…

Some trust in productivity…

Some trust in relationships…

Some trust in finances…

Some trust in fame…

Some trust in being right…

 

Before we leave ourselves in this trusting-something-else place too long, let’s properly finish these phrases Psalm-style by reminding ourselves:

 

But we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

 

For the regular, everyday types of wavering we do, we can simply pivot back to this reality. Yes, there are likely larger issues of trust that are ongoing in your life, and for that I hope you have the support you need. But sometimes we just need a reminder and a turning of heart and mind.

 

What would be on your own list of relationships, circumstances, and dynamics that cause your trust to waver?

 

For Reflection: 

Make your own list that begins with “Some trust in ______________...” Be honest about the places where you struggle.
Notice which people or circumstances might simply require a pivot back to God in the moment.
If you noticed something deeper and more ingrained, what support might you need to move forward?
Ask God to help you as you make your way.

 

Creating Space for Grace: The Power of Saying No and Yes on Retreat

Blog by Alan Fadling

Today’s blog post continues some thoughts I shared two weeks ago entitled, Unplugged in Big Sur and looks at HOW I plan for retreat.

 

Rather than hoping that I’ll have time for a retreat, I calendar my retreats about a year in advance. If I waited to schedule a retreat until only weeks before, generally my calendar would already be filled.

 

I’ve learned that it’s better to calendar my priorities than to prioritize my calendar. Do you feel the difference? When I prioritize my calendar, I may just be reorganizing all the stuff that has happened to land there, for whatever reason and from whatever source. When I calendar my priorities, I make time and space for the important and valuable opportunities that might not end up on my calendar otherwise. Too many of my priorities don’t end up in my schedule if I am not intentional about them well in advance.

 

I planned nearly a year in advance for my eight-day retreat in Big Sur. Then, as the date drew closer, I was able to put other important engagements elsewhere in my calendar. I wasn’t going to just happen to find a week to get away. And the hermitage is in enough demand that I wouldn’t have found open space there if I had waited to schedule my retreat.

 

As I prepare for a retreat, I find something Jesus said particularly helpful: “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No’” (Matt. 5:37 WEB). I ask myself a couple of questions in my planning:

 

What will I say a gracious and firm “No” to during my retreat?
What will I say a hearty and grateful “Yes” to during my retreat?

 

I generally say “No” to internet connectivity during these extended retreats. I let people know I won’t be available in that window. I have someone else keep an eye on things while I’m away. I sometimes say “No” to eating everything I might usually eat. That is to say, I practice some form of fast. I may say “No” to certain kinds of recreational reading or to watching programs on television or streaming services. (None of these were available to me at New Camaldoli anyway.)

 

My “No” is a way of making space for the grace God wants to give me and the “Yes” I want to say to his generosity.

 

I’ve often said “Yes” on retreat to being active daily, taking a walk or engaging in some form of exercise. I’ve said “Yes” to reading a spiritual book that I want to sink into and learn from, or to moments of simple and silent listening. The main “Yes” I offer is my attentiveness to God with me.

 

On day five of my eight-day retreat, I set aside the morning between breakfast and lunch to sit on my hermitage porch alone and quiet with God. For hours, I looked out at the ocean that filled my horizon. I listened for the sounds of creation and the content of my mind and heart. And I began to notice the other creatures who were with me in that moment.

 

I noticed a bunny that had hopped into view. My hermitage was nestled in a rather wild space. The bunny appeared to be looking for some breakfast. As I was still, he stayed put, nibbling at the weeds that grew below me. He seemed to chew forever. Sometimes he sat perfectly still as though trying not to be seen. Maybe it was because he was a monastery bunny, but he was clearly quite good at the practice of retreat.

 

He was comfortable with solitude.
He had no problem being silent.
He was quite still.
The sameness of the situation didn’t seem to bother him.
He was observing a posture of stability. He stayed put.
And simplicity seemed natural for him.

 

I spent about an hour watching that bunny enjoy his breakfast. When do I ever have time or opportunity to do something like that? You might even ask why I would bother doing something like that. But this is the sort of thing artists and creatives do. It’s how they come to see the world with greater clarity so that they can express what they’ve seen through good words, music, images, or artifacts.

 

Maybe you don’t think of yourself as a creative person. Maybe you think that sort of creativity is impractical. But what difference might it make if you had more creativity in your life, in your friendships, in your vocation? What if you had fresh vision for the work God’s given you? Wouldn’t that make a difference?

 

I’ve often said that my best ideas have nearly always come in retreat or out of retreat. The same is true in finding creative solutions to problems I have faced. In retreat, I’ve been able to gain a clearer vision of where I believe God is leading me and of the work I believe God is giving me to do.

 

I’ll share one more post about my retreat in a couple of weeks.

 

For Reflection:

How have you (or might you) prioritize time for spiritual retreat? How might calendaring priorities rather than rearranging the calendar impact your ability to make space for what truly matters to God (and to you)?

UL #302: Unhurried Favorites - I Don't Have Time for This

 

Over the summer, we are sharing some replays of our podcast we’re calling “Unhurried Favorites.” Today I’m talking about time, and whether we have enough of it.  It's a refreshed vision of time…one that doesn’t leave us feeling pressured.