Alan Fadling's Blog, page 8

Being Human in a Technology-Driven World

Blog by Alan Fadling

Do you ever feel, like I do, that you’re expected to keep going, producing, and performing as if you were a machine? Our culture rewards efficiency and productivity. We can come to believe that our worth is tied to how much we can accomplish. But here’s the good news: You are not a machine. You are a beloved child of your Father in heaven. God made you to live according to human rhythms and limits, and with the need for rest.

 

You Are More Than What You Do

 

Machines function based on their utility—how well they perform a task. But God didn’t make human beings that way. We are made in the image of the living God, created for relationship rather than for relentless output. We have emotions, needs, and God-given rhythms that must be honored if we are to thrive.

 

When we forget this, we can find ourselves exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the deeper reality of who we are. But when we embrace our identity as God’s children, we discover that our value isn’t tied to our productivity—it’s rooted in love. God created us not as workers first but as his sons and daughters. From that place of secure identity, he invites us to join in the good work he is already doing.

 

Honoring the Gift of Limits

 

At first, limits may feel like an imposition, something that restricts our freedom. But in reality, holy limits are a gift. Machines are built to run continuously, but humans require rest and renewal. Ignoring our need for rest and putting in more and more hours doesn’t lead to greater productivity—it leads to exhaustion and burnout. God has woven rest into our design, inviting us to live within the healthy boundaries he has given us.

 

Embracing our humanity means respecting the limits God has set for us. When we do, we begin to experience a deeper, more sustainable kind of fruitfulness.

 

A New Way Forward

 

What would it look like to stop striving to function like a machine and start living like a rooted, flourishing human being? It might mean prioritizing rest, embracing rhythms of work and renewal, and remembering that your worth is not in what you do but in who you are.

 

God mainly delights in you. He doesn’t value your output more than he treasures your presence. He invites you to live a life in him of sustainable growth, deep joy, and abiding love. Let’s lean into that invitation together.

 

For Reflection:

Where in your life do you feel the pressure to function like a machine rather than a human being?
How might embracing your God-given limits lead to greater peace and deeper fruitfulness?
What practical step might God be inviting you to take this week to honor your need for rest and renewal?

 

UL #336: Why Every Christian Leader Needs Space to Process Life

 

your journey? In this episode, Gem reflects on the powerful role of wise guides—whether a spiritual director, life coach, or mentor—and how they can offer a wider perspective and discernment that’s hard to achieve on our own. She explores the benefits of verbalizing struggles and desires, helping bring healing and wholeness. Gem also dives into the importance of having trusted relationships, like a spiritual friend, to hold space for you in a non-judgmental way and how this can foster growth and clarity.

Reflection Points:

Reflect on one of the six powerful questions mentioned in the episode. Choose one to ponder, pray, and journal. Notice what emerges.
Of the six types of wise guides Gem listed, which one do you most feel the need for? How might you connect with the support you need?
Spend some time with God in prayer, letting Him know of your desire for a trusted, wise guide.

Tune in for an episode that invites you to consider who might be guiding you through the complexities of life and how you can find the support you need.

Overcoming Unhelpful Voices

Blog by Gem Fadling

Out of all the concepts raised in my book Hold That Thought, the one that receives the most feedback is the illustration of the Inner Dining Table.

 

In Hold That Thought I unpack a couple of big ideas: You are not your thoughts. Rather, you have thoughts, and you can be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom. 12:2).

 

Before we dive in further, we need to remember that according to classic Christian spirituality, thoughts also include feelings and intuitions. This is a more holistic approach to who we are as persons, and it contrasts with how in recent centuries we have divided ourselves up into parts that really are quite difficult to untwine. For the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be using the word thoughts in the classic sense. I will also use the terms thoughts and voices interchangeably.

 

My brain is constantly working on something—mostly puzzles or worst-case scenarios. It likes to forecast and solve problems over and over. I was about forty years old when I realized I am separate from my own thoughts. Until then I had believed my thoughts were me. But I am not my thoughts. I have thoughts.

 

There is great freedom in knowing that your thoughts are not the boss of you. Your brain is thinking, but you can take one step back and notice the swirl. And once you notice your thoughts, you can discern them and then make new choices. This at least hints at one aspect of neuroplasticity: Our brains can change.

 

For our purposes here, let’s call the organ in our heads our brain, and let’s call that aspect of ourselves that takes one step back our mind. The apostle Paul writes, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom. 12:2), and he reminds us that “we have the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16).

 

And this is where the image of the Inner Dining Table comes in. Picture a lovely dining room with a large rectangular table in the center. Parents would typically sit at the head of the table. This was a sign of respect and in some small way showed their authority. The kids would sit along on the long ends of the table.

 

Each of us has an Inner Dining Table where our brain does some of its work as monologues, dialogues, and more flit about through any given day. In the healthiest version of yourself, you are the one sitting at the head of your own Inner Dining Table. It is your life and you should have the place of honor.

 

But let’s imagine you are having a rough day and experiencing unhelpful thoughts such as:

 

You really messed that up. What’s wrong with you?!
Haven’t I told you before? That’s not how we do this!
Why are you even bothering? You’ll never get this right.

 

Normally such thoughts just come and go, humming along under the surface. But today you happen to notice them and you pause. Right then, just for a moment, you can choose to sit down at your own Inner Dining Table.

 

As you assess the room, you realize you are no longer sitting at the head of the table. The voice of a fed-up and distressed parent is sitting there, and echoes of family dynamics are reverberating through the room.

 

You realize you do not want to listen to this old voice any longer, so you go over to the distressed voice and ask it to move to another chair. You then take your place at the head of the table. You get to make the decisions about what you will think and do.

 

And the great thing is that you have the Holy Spirit right there, lovingly guiding you into new ways of thinking. In consultation with the Spirit, all of this is one gracious movement.

 

Once you’ve gently asked the voice to move and are sitting in your rightful place, simply let the voice know that you will take things from here. You can thank it for expressing itself, but that such tone and words no longer serve you. You’ve chosen a different way of living.

 

Sometimes I’ll even have this conversation out loud so my brain can hear the choice I am making. This helps create those new grooves we desire.

 

This metaphor helps because it creates a visual image for our personal agency in the choices we get to make. We are not synonymous with all our thoughts. And moving to the head of our own table is a simple way to make desired changes.

 

Let’s take this idea a bit deeper and move it into action.

 

For Reflection:

 

Notice and Name Your Inner Voices

Take a few moments each day to identify any thoughts, feelings, or intuitions that surface, especially in challenging situations. Without judgment, simply notice them and mentally or verbally label them (e.g., Critic, Worrier, Perfectionist). By naming these voices, you begin to recognize them as visitors at your Inner Dining Table, not the authority.

 

Take Your Seat at the Head of the Table

When you become aware of a particularly strong or negative thought, envision yourself graciously asking it to move from the head of your Inner Dining Table. Take a few deep breaths as you imagine yourself sitting back in your chair. This visual cue reinforces your agency and gently signals that you, not the voices, lead your thoughts.

 

Engage in Gratitude or Affirmation Dialogue

Once seated at the head of the table, verbally affirm your position and set a positive, discerned tone. For example, you might say, “I used to think and talk like this, but now I’m choosing to speak to myself with grace. I’ll move forward more easily in this way.” This acknowledges the old way and affirms the new.

 

The term “be transformed” from Romans 12:2 is in the passive voice, which means God is the one who is transforming us. We get to cooperate with God’s loving and invitational manner as he redirects our thoughts in healthier ways. The Inner Dining Table is simply one way to envision this process.

 

Blessings to you as you make your way.

UL335: Walking with God: Discovering His Will in Daily Life (Trevor Hudson)

 

God’s will isn’t a code to crack—it’s a friendship to cultivate. How do we discern God’s will in our lives? Is it about finding a hidden answer, or is it something deeper—a way of life shaped by attentiveness, trust, and friendship with God?

In this episode, Alan sits down with seasoned spiritual director and author Trevor Hudson to talk about his latest book, "In Search of God’s Will: Discerning a Life of Faithfulness and Purpose". With over 50 years of experience as a pastor and spiritual guide, Trevor invites us into a wiser, more spacious approach to discernment—one that moves us away from anxiety and into deeper relationship.

Together, we’ll explore:

✨ How discernment differs from decision-making

✨ Why listening for God’s voice is key to spiritual growth

✨ Practical exercises for recognizing God’s guidance in daily life If you’ve ever wrestled with knowing where God is leading you, this conversation is for you.

 ___________________________________________

Trevor Hudson is a widely respected spiritual director, pastor, and author with over 50 years of experience in ministry. A native of South Africa, Trevor has spent his life helping others deepen their relationship with God through spiritual formation, discernment, and contemplative practice.

He has written numerous books, including:

In Search of God’s Will: Discerning a Life of Faithfulness and Purpose
Beyond Loneliness
Discovering Your Spiritual Identity

His work emphasizes the importance of listening for God’s voice, living with attentiveness, and embracing a life of love and service. Trevor is known for his warm, pastoral presence and his ability to make deep spiritual truths accessible and practical. Through retreats, teaching, and mentorship, he continues to guide individuals and communities toward a more intimate walk with God.

Being Loved as a Foundation of Our Identity

Blog by Alan Fadling

Two weeks ago, I posed a question that arose for me as I was reading Thomas Merton’s book, New Seeds of Contemplation: What makes us real? Is it something we achieve or someone we impress or something we possess? Merton would say the basis for our reality is not found in any of those things. Instead, he writes, “It is only in [God’s] love that we at last become real” (p. 68).

 

For Merton, being real isn’t about proving ourselves. It’s about aligning with God’s ways—and God is love.

 

So much of life tempts us to define ourselves by what we accomplish, accumulate, or achieve. But those things never truly satisfy. They are like a leaky balloon that needs to be reinflated again and again. Merton points us to a more enduring reality: When we love, we are most truly ourselves. Love is the deepest, most lasting reality in all creation.

 

The Love That Holds Us Steady

 We spend so much time striving to become something in the eyes of others. But all that effort can leave us exhausted. An identity rooted in love, however, isn’t as fragile as all that. The love of God is already real, and we become real as we embrace our belovedness in Him.

 

This love isn’t just surface-level affection or mere approval. It’s the love of God—the kind of love that sees us fully and calls forth our truest self. It’s a love we share. When we give and receive love, we reflect the divine reality of Father, Son, and Spirit existing in eternal, self-giving love. We were made in that image. And only in that love do we come alive.

 

We Love Because We Are Loved

 Merton offers us another profound insight in this same book when he writes, “The beginning of the fight against hatred . . . is not the commandment to love, but what must necessarily come before . . . to believe that one is loved” (pp. 74-75).

 

Love isn’t something we force ourselves to do. Love begins in faith—the faith that is a growing trust that we are already loved. We love not out of obligation but as a response to the love that first found us.

 

For me, this has been incredibly freeing. Love isn’t about gritting my teeth and trying harder. It’s about resting in the love of God that already is, letting it flow through me. When I see others as already beloved by God, love no longer feels like a burden—it becomes more natural.

 

A Love That Changes How We See Others

 When we begin from a place of love, we see others differently. Instead of focusing on what irritates or frustrates us, we begin to see them through God’s eyes. Maybe I don’t have it in me to love a particular person—but God already loves them. And when I open myself to His love, that love can reach them through me.

 

What would our world be like if we lived in alignment with God’s love? How differently would we treat one another? How much more peace, compassion, and understanding would we experience? It starts with a simple but profound shift: allowing ourselves to be loved.

 

Resting in Love, Becoming Real

 As we open ourselves to love, it transforms not just us but those around us. Love is meant to multiply, to flow between us, to expand into the world.

 

So today I invite you to pause. Rest in the love of God, knowing you are already loved—fully, completely, without condition. And as you receive that love, may it move through you, making you real and bringing life to those around you.

 

For Reflection:

How does your view of yourself change when you see love—not achievement—as the foundation of your identity?
In what areas of your life are you striving for approval instead of resting in love?
How might your relationships change if you approached others as already loved by God?

UL 334: How to Honor Your Voice and Trust God in Difficult Seasons (Aundi Kolber)

 

What do you really need? And what would it look like to engage life with a deeper sense of agency and self-compassion?

Today on Unhurried Living Podcast, Gem is joined by professional counselor and best-selling author Aundi Kolber, whose new book, Take What You Need: Soft Words for Hard Days, invites us to embrace the transformative power of kindness toward ourselves. We’ll explore how early experiences shape the way we suppress our needs, why it’s so hard to name and honor what we truly feel, and how practicing softness can actually make us stronger. 

In this conversation, you’ll learn:

✨ How our past experiences shape the way we engage with our needs and emotions ✨ Why self-compassion is a powerful (and often overlooked) tool for transformation ✨ A simple prayer or body practice you can use in moments of stress

Join us as we dive deep into what it means to cultivate resilience, trust, and a deeper friendship with God—even in the hard places.

________________________________

Aundi Kolber is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), trauma-informed therapist, and best-selling author of Try Softer and Strong Like Water. With a compassionate and holistic approach, Aundi integrates psychology, faith, and neuroscience to help individuals experience emotional healing and resilience. She is passionate about empowering people to move toward wholeness by learning to honor their needs, trust their inner wisdom, and cultivate a life of deep compassion. Through her writing, speaking, and therapeutic work, Aundi offers a refreshing invitation to wholeness—one that prioritizes gentleness, self-compassion, and deep connection with God.

A Person's Got to Know Their Limitations

Blog by Gem Fadling

In one of my recent coaching groups, we spent time learning how to craft a rhythm of life. Margaret Guenther, the author of Holy Listening, likens a rule of life to a trellis. A trellis is generally planted alongside a climbing vine or plant so that, as the branches grow, they might attach on their way up a fence or wall. Without a trellis, a vine would be a gnarled group of stems curled up on the ground.

 

When it comes to crafting a rhythm of life, Ruth Haley Barton, in her book Sacred Rhythms, inquires, “How do I want to live so I can be who I want to be?” Tucked within this question is the assumption that choices need to be made. I will have to say yes to some things and no to others. In our group’s discussion, the idea of limitations arose.

 

We typically think of limitations as bad things that hold us back or press us down. We don’t like seeing ourselves as limited; however, as we mature, we come to realize limits and boundaries are necessary gifts. We wake up to the fact that we cannot do everything or be everything for everyone. Limitations can be a doorway to making more discerning decisions. Yes, I can do this. No, I cannot do that.

 

In her book The Fruits of the Spirit, Evelyn Underhill says, “A good gardener always has an idea of what he is trying to grow; without vision even a cabbage patch will perish.” And so we are invited to make choices about how we live, which includes what we do and do not do.

 

Let's explore that gardening image a bit further. If you decided to plant a garden in your backyard, you wouldn’t simply begin to dig random holes throughout the space. If you didn’t hire a landscape architect, you would need to do some research to find out what grows in your region, what tools you need, and what amounts of sunlight and water might be required. All of these would establish the limits for discerning what to plant and how to care for it.

 

Or let’s consider how this applies in the arts. Artists limit themselves by choosing a particular medium to work in. A painter chooses whether to work in oils or watercolors or acrylics, which colors to use, and the size of the canvas. A sculptor decides whether to use granite or marble, as well as the dimensions for the finished sculpture, which will determine the size of the slab they need to start with.

 

These are all examples of limits. And within such limits creativity can flourish.

 

Many of us have plans for daily time with God, and of course this is good for our souls. I’d also like you to ponder for a moment if there are ways to expand on this and to build into your life weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly practices. What kind of person do you want to be? What would it take to become such a person? Certainly, this cannot be left to chance. Nor can the questions be ignored with the excuse “I don’t have enough time for all that.”

 

If you started to feel overwhelmed by considering daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly practices, let’s roll it back for a moment. You don’t begin by tackling all of that at once.

 

Let’s explore a very simple way to start down the path of a refreshed rhythm of life.

 

I highly recommend you begin with practices and activities you enjoy. Remember, we are creating a trellis on which our life-plant can grow. This is an organic process and can be entered into with grace.

 

Ask yourself a few questions and give yourself time to come up with a list of 10-15 items.

 

What feels life-giving to me?
What brings me joy?
What enables me to rest?

 

Once you’ve made your list, circle your top two. These are two holy yeses. Take these two and calendar them. Guard these dates like doctor’s appointments. Then engage with joy on that day.

 

I hope you’ll agree that this is a fairly simple process. A rhythm of life would continue to build on this idea. Begin with practices that bring life (e.g., listening to worship music, scripture reading, walks in nature, gardening, reading good books, sitting in silence, dancing to loud music).

 

Life-giving practices are gifts from God, and I believe they are planted deep within us as desires and invitations to enjoy God’s presence in all its various forms.

 

A rhythm of life is a way of setting limits and making plans so that you become who you were made to be. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. If you are in any form of anxiety, tiredness, or exhaustion, what are you waiting for?

 

Building and engaging a rhythm of life is a big part of our PACE cohort training process. You can go to www.unhurriedliving.com/pace to learn more and consider joining a future cohort.

 

Engage in what brings you life and connect with God through that.

 

It’s good and right to care for your own soul even as you seek to care for others. I pray that you will be inspired like a gardener, painter, or sculptor to create beauty in the form of your own cultivated life with God.

 

For Reflection:

 Return to the invitation I posed earlier and ask yourself:

 What feels life-giving to me?
What brings me joy?
What enables me to rest?

 

Once you’ve made your list of 10–15 items, circle your top two. These are your holy yeses. Take these two and calendar them. Guard these dates like doctor’s appointments. Then engage with joy on that day.

UL #333: The Invitation of a Dry Prayer Season

 

What do you do when your prayer feels dry? When it feels like you're just saying words into the air, wondering if you're actually connecting with God? In this episode, we’ll explore this common struggle, drawing from Thomas Green’s When the Well Runs Dry to uncover how prayer can move beyond effort and become more about encounter.

What You’ll Learn:

Prayer is a Relationship: Discover how prayer deepens when it becomes less about what you do and more about what God does in you.
Our Image of God is not God: Learn how our assumptions about God can limit our prayer life, and how questioning these assumptions can open us to a deeper connection.
Genuine Spiritual Growth Prefers the Ordinary: Find out why spiritual growth often happens in the mundane moments of life, not just during dramatic or exciting prayer experiences.
Prayer vs. Introspection: Understand the fine line between talking to God and simply talking to yourself in prayer, and how to move beyond self-focused prayer.
Beginners Try Too Hard in Prayer: Explore how prayer matures from a laborious effort to a natural, flowing encounter with God, and why it's important to let go of early-stage striving.

Join us as we dive into these insights and learn how to deepen your communion with God, even in the dry seasons of prayer.

Love: The Truest Measure of Who We Are

Blog by Alan Fadling

What if love, rather than success, status, or achievement, was the truest measure of who God really made us? What if our worth was determined not by our accomplishments but by how we love and allow ourselves to be loved by God and others?

 

Thomas Merton, a Trappist monk and contemplative writer, saw love as the essence of reality. In New Seeds of Contemplation he writes:

 

“Because God’s love is in me, it can come to you from a different and special direction that would be closed if He did not live in me, and because His love is in you, it can come to me from a quarter from which it would not otherwise come. And because it is in both of us, God has greater glory.” (p. 67)

 

Merton’s words paint a beautiful vision of love as something uniquely expressed in and through each of us. Divine love is not static or confined—it acts, it flows, it multiplies. The love of God in me touches you in a way that no one else can replicate, just as the love of God in you reaches me in a way nothing else could. There is something beautiful in the way each of us contributes a distinct thread to the great tapestry of God’s love.

 

Love That Flows, Love That Multiplies

 I love the idea that God’s love flows into and through each of us like a river. The image of a river runs through the whole of the Bible. God’s love doesn’t trickle through a single, narrow channel; it spreads, branching out in ways we may never fully see. It reaches unexpected places, refreshes weary souls, and brings life wherever it flows.

 

But this raises an important question: Are we willing to open ourselves to God’s love? Do we let it shape our words, our actions, our thoughts? Or do we resist, clinging instead to control, self-sufficiency, or the illusion of status (or lack thereof)?

 

Merton reminds us that love is what makes us real. It’s not our accomplishments or accolades that define us—it’s the way love moves through us, the way we give and receive it. The more we allow love to flow freely, the more we reflect the heart of God.

 

The Freedom of Love That Doesn’t Keep Score

 True love does not measure, count, or demand recognition. It simply flows. And as it does, it transforms—not just those who receive it but those who give it. In love’s expansion, there is freedom. In love’s movement, there is joy.

 

So perhaps the greatest invitation is not to strive harder or achieve more, but to surrender to love—to let it move us, to let it shape us, to let it multiply in and through us. For in love, we become most fully ourselves. In love, we become real.

 

For Reflection:

Where in your life do you see love flowing most naturally? How can you open yourself to its movement even more?
Are there areas where you resist love—either in receiving or giving? What might it look like to surrender to love’s flow?
How does it change your perspective to see love—not achievement—as the measure of your life’s impact?

UL #332: 3 Invitations for a Deeper Connection with God

 

In this episode, Gem reflects on a powerful moment from a difficult season in her life when she found hope in a simple yet profound image: a long, dark tunnel with a pinhole of light in the distance. This light became a symbol of God's presence, reminding her that even in the darkest moments, His light is enough to guide us forward. She explores the invitation from Psalm 27:4 to dwell, gaze, and seek God, unpacking each of these spiritual practices and how they bring us closer to Him.

 

Through reflection and personal insights, this episode encourages you to embrace God's presence in the everyday moments—dwelling in His love, gazing upon His beauty, and seeking His guidance with a childlike heart. Tune in and discover how these simple practices can deepen your connection with God and His sacred presence in your life.

In this episode, you'll reflect on:

How can we find hope and God's presence even in dark or uncertain seasons of life?
What are some practical ways to engage with the spiritual practices of dwelling, gazing, and seeking God?
How can cultivating a childlike wonder and expectancy transform our spiritual journey?

 

Resources and Links:

Psalm 27:4  
Psalm 139:7-10
Marina Abramović’s The Artist is Present