Alan Fadling's Blog, page 5

UL 339: When God Feels Distant: Expectations, Disappointment, and Hope (Steve Cuss)

 

Have you ever felt the ache of unmet expectations in your relationship with God? Does the faith you imagined seem different from the reality you’re living? In this episode, I sit down with Steve Cuss, author of The Expectation Gap, to explore the space between what we believe about God and how we experience Him in our everyday lives. Steve invites us to dive into the gaps that often hold our assumptions, fears, and doubts—and shows us how transformation can happen right there.

Through our conversation, we will learn:

How to identify the stories we tell ourselves about God and why they matter.
Practical ways to shift our perspective and experience greater freedom, trust, and intimacy with God.
The three common gaps that can create frustration in our faith journey: God’s particular love, God’s visceral presence, and our spiritual progress.
Insights from systems theory that can help us navigate the complexities of faith and leadership.
Simple, yet powerful practices like reflection and adding ourselves to our conscious list of relationships to foster growth and wholeness.

If you’re wrestling with disappointment, control, or longing for a deeper connection with God, this episode is for you.

Steve, a pastor, author, and sought-after speaker, also shares insights from his book Managing Leadership Anxiety and how systems theory has shaped his approach to faith and leadership.

Join us as we unpack practical tools and meaningful shifts to help you navigate the complexities of faith and deepen your walk with God.

Don’t forget to subscribe and share this podcast with your friends and colleagues!

About Steve Cuss:

Steve Cuss is a pastor, author, and speaker who is passionate about helping people navigate the complexities of faith, leadership, and relationships. He is the author of The Expectation Gap and Managing Leadership Anxiety: Yours and Theirs. Steve is known for his practical approach to faith and leadership, using tools from systems theory to guide individuals and organizations toward greater health and transformation.

The Gift of Seasons and Rhythms

Blog by Alan Fadling

Trees don’t produce fruit year-round, do they? They follow rhythms—seasons of growth, rest, fruitfulness, and renewal. Jesus used this imagery when he called himself the true vine and us the branches. He invites us not to strive endlessly but to abide—to stay rooted in him and trust the natural rhythms God has designed.

 

Living as a Tree, Not a Machine

 Unlike circuits that are wired for constant performance, we are created to flourish in cycles and seasons. We don’t operate best under nonstop pressure; we thrive when we work in alignment with the rhythms God has set. There are times of productivity and times of dormancy. There are seasons of fruitfulness and seasons of preparation. There are times for work and times for rest. All of this is the gift of God.

 

Ignoring these rhythms leads to exhaustion. But honoring them brings freedom. Just as a tree doesn’t panic when winter comes, we can learn to trust the times when we are called to slow down. True fruitfulness isn’t about constant production—it’s about growth that is healthy and sustainable. Fruit that lasts is measured in the long-term.

 

Recalibrating for Health, Not Just Efficiency

 The world values speed and efficiency, but God values depth, wholeness, and health. If we want to bear good fruit in our lives and work, we need to prioritize practices that nourish us. Jesus came that we might live life abundantly. He grieves when we try to live at a frantic, unsustainable pace.

 

So, what does it look like to recalibrate? It might mean:

 

Setting boundaries around work and rest.
Embracing Sabbath as a weekly rhythm of renewal.
Listening to your body and soul when they signal exhaustion.
Trusting that productivity flourishes in healthy habits, not in more and more work.

 

The Invitation to Flourish

 We are called to be fruitful, not just busy. When we learn to embrace the seasons God gives us, we can move from constant striving to a life that is rooted, steady, and full of peace. How might you begin to align your life with the rhythms God has designed?

 

For Reflection:

What season of life do you find yourself in right now?
Where have you been resisting God-given rhythms of work and rest?
What is one small way you can embrace sustainable fruitfulness?

 

UL 338: Untangling Your Emotions: A Gentle 3-Step Path from Overwhelm to Freedom (Alison Cook)

 

In this episode, Gem talks with Dr. Alison Cook, a renowned expert at the intersection of faith and psychology, to discuss her groundbreaking 3-step process for finding the freedom we crave. Many of us struggle with complex emotions and feelings that seem impossible to untangle. Instead of addressing these emotions with care, we often fall into the trap of guilt-tripping or gaslighting ourselves. Dr. Cook shares a powerful approach to breaking this cycle—offering practical tools and insight for embracing your emotions and moving toward healing. Together, we explore the importance of self-awareness, how to stop dismissing your feelings, and the transformative process of naming, framing, and braving your emotions.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

How to Stop Gaslighting Yourself – Learn why so many of us dismiss our own feelings and how to move past the cycle of self-doubt.

The Power of the 3-Step Process: Naming, Framing, Braving – Discover Dr. Cook’s transformative approach to understanding and healing complex emotions.

Creating Space for Healing – Understand the importance of slowing down, reflecting, and embracing both/and thinking to move forward with clarity and courage.

Guest Bio:

Dr. Alison Cook is a trusted psychologist, author, and speaker known for her expertise in integrating faith and psychology. Her latest book, I Shouldn’t Feel This Way, offers a compassionate and practical framework for navigating complex emotions. With years of experience helping individuals discover emotional freedom, Dr. Cook is a sought-after guide for those looking to understand and heal from within.

The Transformative Power of Lament

Blog by Gem Fadling

I am in the stage of life when many of my friends are in the “sandwich generation.” These are people who give care to their children and to their aging parents at the same time. While it can be a time of great joy, it can also carry with it an exhaustion from the number of relational dynamics at play on any given day.

 

Alan and I are not sharing in this season with our peers for two reasons: (1) Alan’s parents are thriving and actually are more physically fit than us, and (2) my parents both passed when I was quite young. So I’ve already been through the traumatic deaths of both my dad and my mom.

 

I was only 26 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer of the spine. From the time of his diagnosis to his passing was only six months. My dad and I had a special bond. He was an older dad and was 52 when I was born, but I never felt that. He was the one who taught me how to do cartwheels, crafted at least three tree swings in our yard, and built multiple house additions while holding down a full-time job.

 

My dad singlehandedly cared for our small, six-acre homestead in rural Washington. Yes, I helped him garden, but only the kind of help an elementary-aged child can offer. I would accompany him on his fishing adventures in the local river and rode along to the dump in an old jalopy truck he purchased, much to my mom’s chagrin. I have more memories than I can share here.

 

So when Dad passed, it was a great loss to my heart and soul. For almost a year, I had nightmares about how frail he looked during his end days. It was in my nighttime dream life that I would process his death. One time, in the middle of the night, I awoke screaming from a frightening dream. Alan leapt up and turned on the lights. I was crying and trying to describe the terrifying imagery.

 

As he comforted me, in typical Alan form, he turned to the scriptures, found Psalm 116, and began to read it aloud over me:

 

3  The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

5  The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

7  Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

 

At age 27, this was my first real encounter with lament.

 

Have you ever found yourself in a place so deep and dark that you wondered if God could hear you? Maybe it was a season of loss, an unexpected failure, or a quiet despair that only grew as time passed. Psalm 116 begins with words like cords of death, anguish, overcome, distress, and sorrow. The situation is dire.

 

It’s easy to think that we need to hold everything together, but when we open to the practice of lament, we might find ourselves opening more fully to God’s love and care.

 

Psalm 116 gave voice to what I was feeling at the time but didn’t know how to express. I could only groan in sadness. I just kept saying, “I don’t want to see my dad like this anymore!”

 

In times of lament, we often feel like we’re sitting in the dark, waiting for some hint of light to break through. But in this waiting, we open to God’s presence in new ways. I have to admit, my memory of that night is patchy. I don’t remember how long I was awake or how long I cried. I’m not sure how many times Alan read the psalm, but gradually it began to soothe my soul. At some point, Alan’s prayers and my crying had the desired effect so that I was able to return to sleep and carry on the next day.

 

My dreams began to morph over time, and within about a year, my dad was showing up in my dreams just like he was in his prime. He was wearing his 1970s green plaid suit with his fedora hat cocked to the side just so. My heart, soul, and body had spent a year processing his death, and I was now able to remember him as he was.

 

I’m sure many of you have endured or are enduring great loss. I offer a few ideas as you move through your grieving process.

 

Allow Space for Honest Lament

 Grief needs room to breathe. It has its own timetable. Don’t try to rush it or push through it. Allow grief to move with you at its own pace. The Psalms show that raw honesty with God and yourself can be profoundly healing.

 

You might begin by setting aside intentional time to name your loss. Write or speak aloud any feelings that arise, even if they’re painful, confusing, or angry. This kind of honesty can help you feel more connected to what you’re experiencing without needing to rush through it or deny it.

 

Seek Out Comforting Presence

 Grief is often best processed in the company of others. Just as Alan accompanied me, it’s important to reach out to people who can listen without judgment—whether friends, family, or a spiritual director, pastor, or therapist. Another person’s presence can provide a sense of grounding and comfort. Support groups can also offer a community of understanding, reminding you that you’re not alone in what you feel.

 

Embrace Simple, Restorative Practices

 In grief, taking care of your physical and emotional needs is a form of self-compassion. Engage in gentle practices that allow you to express and hold your grief in a manageable way. This could be as simple as journaling, engaging in creative expressions like drawing or music, or spending time in nature. Embodied practices like taking short walks, deep breathing, or even lighting a candle can serve as small yet meaningful ways to honor your grief and remind yourself of life’s ongoing rhythms.

 

I do pray that you will sense God’s presence with you in your time of grief. And if you aren’t currently processing a time like this, I hope you will share this post with a friend or loved one who might find it helpful. You can be a light who stands with them in the darkness.

 

For Reflection:

 As you think about this practice of lament, consider these questions as a way to deepen your own reflection:

 

How do I typically handle grief or disappointment? Do I allow myself to be honest with God and others, or do I tend to hold back?

 

How is God inviting me to express myself in his presence? Take a few moments to be still and notice any areas in your life where God might want to meet with you in grief.

 

How might lament open new pathways for connection and compassion in your life and leadership? Consider how embracing lament in your own life could make you a more compassionate and understanding leader for those around you.

 

Remember this from Psalm 116:

 

5  The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
6 The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

7  Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

 

May you find rest for your soul…in God.

UL 337: Stop Worrying About the Future

 

Anxiety has a way of driving us—pushing us into constant busyness and keeping us stuck in worry about the future. But living in a non-anxious way isn’t about ignoring our problems—it’s about trusting a deeper reality that surrounds us.

In this episode, we reflect on the journey with anxiety and how Jesus' words in Matthew 6 continue to shape our understanding of peace. Together, we’ll explore:

🌱 The difference between wise preparation and anxious striving
🌱 How to break free from worry about tomorrow and stay present today
🌱 What it truly means to seek first God’s kingdom and righteousness

If you’ve ever found yourself caught in cycles of worry, this episode is for you. Jesus is not laying down the law about your anxiety—He’s inviting you into the peace of His presence.

Being Human in a Technology-Driven World

Blog by Alan Fadling

Do you ever feel, like I do, that you’re expected to keep going, producing, and performing as if you were a machine? Our culture rewards efficiency and productivity. We can come to believe that our worth is tied to how much we can accomplish. But here’s the good news: You are not a machine. You are a beloved child of your Father in heaven. God made you to live according to human rhythms and limits, and with the need for rest.

 

You Are More Than What You Do

 

Machines function based on their utility—how well they perform a task. But God didn’t make human beings that way. We are made in the image of the living God, created for relationship rather than for relentless output. We have emotions, needs, and God-given rhythms that must be honored if we are to thrive.

 

When we forget this, we can find ourselves exhausted, overwhelmed, and disconnected from the deeper reality of who we are. But when we embrace our identity as God’s children, we discover that our value isn’t tied to our productivity—it’s rooted in love. God created us not as workers first but as his sons and daughters. From that place of secure identity, he invites us to join in the good work he is already doing.

 

Honoring the Gift of Limits

 

At first, limits may feel like an imposition, something that restricts our freedom. But in reality, holy limits are a gift. Machines are built to run continuously, but humans require rest and renewal. Ignoring our need for rest and putting in more and more hours doesn’t lead to greater productivity—it leads to exhaustion and burnout. God has woven rest into our design, inviting us to live within the healthy boundaries he has given us.

 

Embracing our humanity means respecting the limits God has set for us. When we do, we begin to experience a deeper, more sustainable kind of fruitfulness.

 

A New Way Forward

 

What would it look like to stop striving to function like a machine and start living like a rooted, flourishing human being? It might mean prioritizing rest, embracing rhythms of work and renewal, and remembering that your worth is not in what you do but in who you are.

 

God mainly delights in you. He doesn’t value your output more than he treasures your presence. He invites you to live a life in him of sustainable growth, deep joy, and abiding love. Let’s lean into that invitation together.

 

For Reflection:

Where in your life do you feel the pressure to function like a machine rather than a human being?
How might embracing your God-given limits lead to greater peace and deeper fruitfulness?
What practical step might God be inviting you to take this week to honor your need for rest and renewal?

 

UL #336: Why Every Christian Leader Needs Space to Process Life

 

your journey? In this episode, Gem reflects on the powerful role of wise guides—whether a spiritual director, life coach, or mentor—and how they can offer a wider perspective and discernment that’s hard to achieve on our own. She explores the benefits of verbalizing struggles and desires, helping bring healing and wholeness. Gem also dives into the importance of having trusted relationships, like a spiritual friend, to hold space for you in a non-judgmental way and how this can foster growth and clarity.

Reflection Points:

Reflect on one of the six powerful questions mentioned in the episode. Choose one to ponder, pray, and journal. Notice what emerges.
Of the six types of wise guides Gem listed, which one do you most feel the need for? How might you connect with the support you need?
Spend some time with God in prayer, letting Him know of your desire for a trusted, wise guide.

Tune in for an episode that invites you to consider who might be guiding you through the complexities of life and how you can find the support you need.

Overcoming Unhelpful Voices

Blog by Gem Fadling

Out of all the concepts raised in my book Hold That Thought, the one that receives the most feedback is the illustration of the Inner Dining Table.

 

In Hold That Thought I unpack a couple of big ideas: You are not your thoughts. Rather, you have thoughts, and you can be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom. 12:2).

 

Before we dive in further, we need to remember that according to classic Christian spirituality, thoughts also include feelings and intuitions. This is a more holistic approach to who we are as persons, and it contrasts with how in recent centuries we have divided ourselves up into parts that really are quite difficult to untwine. For the purposes of this discussion, I’ll be using the word thoughts in the classic sense. I will also use the terms thoughts and voices interchangeably.

 

My brain is constantly working on something—mostly puzzles or worst-case scenarios. It likes to forecast and solve problems over and over. I was about forty years old when I realized I am separate from my own thoughts. Until then I had believed my thoughts were me. But I am not my thoughts. I have thoughts.

 

There is great freedom in knowing that your thoughts are not the boss of you. Your brain is thinking, but you can take one step back and notice the swirl. And once you notice your thoughts, you can discern them and then make new choices. This at least hints at one aspect of neuroplasticity: Our brains can change.

 

For our purposes here, let’s call the organ in our heads our brain, and let’s call that aspect of ourselves that takes one step back our mind. The apostle Paul writes, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom. 12:2), and he reminds us that “we have the mind of Christ” (1 Cor. 2:16).

 

And this is where the image of the Inner Dining Table comes in. Picture a lovely dining room with a large rectangular table in the center. Parents would typically sit at the head of the table. This was a sign of respect and in some small way showed their authority. The kids would sit along on the long ends of the table.

 

Each of us has an Inner Dining Table where our brain does some of its work as monologues, dialogues, and more flit about through any given day. In the healthiest version of yourself, you are the one sitting at the head of your own Inner Dining Table. It is your life and you should have the place of honor.

 

But let’s imagine you are having a rough day and experiencing unhelpful thoughts such as:

 

You really messed that up. What’s wrong with you?!
Haven’t I told you before? That’s not how we do this!
Why are you even bothering? You’ll never get this right.

 

Normally such thoughts just come and go, humming along under the surface. But today you happen to notice them and you pause. Right then, just for a moment, you can choose to sit down at your own Inner Dining Table.

 

As you assess the room, you realize you are no longer sitting at the head of the table. The voice of a fed-up and distressed parent is sitting there, and echoes of family dynamics are reverberating through the room.

 

You realize you do not want to listen to this old voice any longer, so you go over to the distressed voice and ask it to move to another chair. You then take your place at the head of the table. You get to make the decisions about what you will think and do.

 

And the great thing is that you have the Holy Spirit right there, lovingly guiding you into new ways of thinking. In consultation with the Spirit, all of this is one gracious movement.

 

Once you’ve gently asked the voice to move and are sitting in your rightful place, simply let the voice know that you will take things from here. You can thank it for expressing itself, but that such tone and words no longer serve you. You’ve chosen a different way of living.

 

Sometimes I’ll even have this conversation out loud so my brain can hear the choice I am making. This helps create those new grooves we desire.

 

This metaphor helps because it creates a visual image for our personal agency in the choices we get to make. We are not synonymous with all our thoughts. And moving to the head of our own table is a simple way to make desired changes.

 

Let’s take this idea a bit deeper and move it into action.

 

For Reflection:

 

Notice and Name Your Inner Voices

Take a few moments each day to identify any thoughts, feelings, or intuitions that surface, especially in challenging situations. Without judgment, simply notice them and mentally or verbally label them (e.g., Critic, Worrier, Perfectionist). By naming these voices, you begin to recognize them as visitors at your Inner Dining Table, not the authority.

 

Take Your Seat at the Head of the Table

When you become aware of a particularly strong or negative thought, envision yourself graciously asking it to move from the head of your Inner Dining Table. Take a few deep breaths as you imagine yourself sitting back in your chair. This visual cue reinforces your agency and gently signals that you, not the voices, lead your thoughts.

 

Engage in Gratitude or Affirmation Dialogue

Once seated at the head of the table, verbally affirm your position and set a positive, discerned tone. For example, you might say, “I used to think and talk like this, but now I’m choosing to speak to myself with grace. I’ll move forward more easily in this way.” This acknowledges the old way and affirms the new.

 

The term “be transformed” from Romans 12:2 is in the passive voice, which means God is the one who is transforming us. We get to cooperate with God’s loving and invitational manner as he redirects our thoughts in healthier ways. The Inner Dining Table is simply one way to envision this process.

 

Blessings to you as you make your way.

UL335: Walking with God: Discovering His Will in Daily Life (Trevor Hudson)

 

God’s will isn’t a code to crack—it’s a friendship to cultivate. How do we discern God’s will in our lives? Is it about finding a hidden answer, or is it something deeper—a way of life shaped by attentiveness, trust, and friendship with God?

In this episode, Alan sits down with seasoned spiritual director and author Trevor Hudson to talk about his latest book, "In Search of God’s Will: Discerning a Life of Faithfulness and Purpose". With over 50 years of experience as a pastor and spiritual guide, Trevor invites us into a wiser, more spacious approach to discernment—one that moves us away from anxiety and into deeper relationship.

Together, we’ll explore:

✨ How discernment differs from decision-making

✨ Why listening for God’s voice is key to spiritual growth

✨ Practical exercises for recognizing God’s guidance in daily life If you’ve ever wrestled with knowing where God is leading you, this conversation is for you.

 ___________________________________________

Trevor Hudson is a widely respected spiritual director, pastor, and author with over 50 years of experience in ministry. A native of South Africa, Trevor has spent his life helping others deepen their relationship with God through spiritual formation, discernment, and contemplative practice.

He has written numerous books, including:

In Search of God’s Will: Discerning a Life of Faithfulness and Purpose
Beyond Loneliness
Discovering Your Spiritual Identity

His work emphasizes the importance of listening for God’s voice, living with attentiveness, and embracing a life of love and service. Trevor is known for his warm, pastoral presence and his ability to make deep spiritual truths accessible and practical. Through retreats, teaching, and mentorship, he continues to guide individuals and communities toward a more intimate walk with God.

Being Loved as a Foundation of Our Identity

Blog by Alan Fadling

Two weeks ago, I posed a question that arose for me as I was reading Thomas Merton’s book, New Seeds of Contemplation: What makes us real? Is it something we achieve or someone we impress or something we possess? Merton would say the basis for our reality is not found in any of those things. Instead, he writes, “It is only in [God’s] love that we at last become real” (p. 68).

 

For Merton, being real isn’t about proving ourselves. It’s about aligning with God’s ways—and God is love.

 

So much of life tempts us to define ourselves by what we accomplish, accumulate, or achieve. But those things never truly satisfy. They are like a leaky balloon that needs to be reinflated again and again. Merton points us to a more enduring reality: When we love, we are most truly ourselves. Love is the deepest, most lasting reality in all creation.

 

The Love That Holds Us Steady

 We spend so much time striving to become something in the eyes of others. But all that effort can leave us exhausted. An identity rooted in love, however, isn’t as fragile as all that. The love of God is already real, and we become real as we embrace our belovedness in Him.

 

This love isn’t just surface-level affection or mere approval. It’s the love of God—the kind of love that sees us fully and calls forth our truest self. It’s a love we share. When we give and receive love, we reflect the divine reality of Father, Son, and Spirit existing in eternal, self-giving love. We were made in that image. And only in that love do we come alive.

 

We Love Because We Are Loved

 Merton offers us another profound insight in this same book when he writes, “The beginning of the fight against hatred . . . is not the commandment to love, but what must necessarily come before . . . to believe that one is loved” (pp. 74-75).

 

Love isn’t something we force ourselves to do. Love begins in faith—the faith that is a growing trust that we are already loved. We love not out of obligation but as a response to the love that first found us.

 

For me, this has been incredibly freeing. Love isn’t about gritting my teeth and trying harder. It’s about resting in the love of God that already is, letting it flow through me. When I see others as already beloved by God, love no longer feels like a burden—it becomes more natural.

 

A Love That Changes How We See Others

 When we begin from a place of love, we see others differently. Instead of focusing on what irritates or frustrates us, we begin to see them through God’s eyes. Maybe I don’t have it in me to love a particular person—but God already loves them. And when I open myself to His love, that love can reach them through me.

 

What would our world be like if we lived in alignment with God’s love? How differently would we treat one another? How much more peace, compassion, and understanding would we experience? It starts with a simple but profound shift: allowing ourselves to be loved.

 

Resting in Love, Becoming Real

 As we open ourselves to love, it transforms not just us but those around us. Love is meant to multiply, to flow between us, to expand into the world.

 

So today I invite you to pause. Rest in the love of God, knowing you are already loved—fully, completely, without condition. And as you receive that love, may it move through you, making you real and bringing life to those around you.

 

For Reflection:

How does your view of yourself change when you see love—not achievement—as the foundation of your identity?
In what areas of your life are you striving for approval instead of resting in love?
How might your relationships change if you approached others as already loved by God?