Alan Fadling's Blog, page 28

ICDT #70: Strong Like Water (Aundi Kolber)

 

When it comes to difficult circumstances, we’ve all heard the platitudes: “No pain, no gain.” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” But if we spend our lives trying to be “the strong one,” we become exhausted, burned-out, and disconnected from our truest selves.

What if it were different? Could there be a different way to be strong? Could strength mean more than pushing on and pushing through pain, bearing every heavy burden on our own? What if, instead, true strength were more like the tide: soft and bold, fierce and gentle, moving together as one powerful force?

 

Today I am talking with Aundi Kolber on her latest book, Strong Like Water as we look at strength and pain and where our strength truly comes from.

UL Podcast #248: An Intentional Year (Glenn Packiam)

 

When we find ourselves in a hurry, one of the dynamics that grows thin is intentionality. We can find ourselves rushing from task to task, meeting to meeting in a kind of mindless autopilot. It’s not what we want, but it can be what happens. 

 

Today, I’m sharing a recent conversation with Glenn Packiam about a book he wrote with his wife, Holly, titled The Intentional Year. In it, they share their regular practice of retreat as a couple to cultivate greater intentionality about five key spheres of their lives, their family and their vocation. Those five spheres are prayer, rest, renewal, relationships and work. For many years now, they set aside a week at the end of the year to reflect on how God has been gracious in the previous year, and how God’s grace might be inviting them forward in the new year. I know you’re going to appreciate the insights Glenn shares. 

I Won't Be Wanting

Blog by Alan Fadling

The wisdom of Psalm 23 has been a frequent counselor to me, especially in times of anxious care. One expression of this psalm that I’ve loved are the lyrics of Jon Foreman’s song “House of God Forever.” The song begins…

 

God is my shepherd

I won't be wanting, I won't be wanting

He makes me rest

In fields of green, with quiet streams

Even though I walk

Through the valley, of death and dying

I will not fear

'Cause You are with me, You are with me

 

Anxiety tells me that, at some point in the near or distant future, I will be wanting. It claims that I’m not going to have something I need, that I will be deprived of something critical.

 

In September 2018, I read the following paragraph in Jan Johnson’s monthly email she calls “Wisbits”:

 

“We think we don’t have everything we need because we live in the future. What about the difficult work project this week? What about when I have to tell X about *%$!?  What about saving for retirement?  Living in the future is not the reality of the moment. I’ve learned that by the time I get to that event, I will have everything I need.”

 

I assume that because something isn’t solved, provided for, or fixed at the present moment, it never will be. “I shall not want” means, as Jan says, that by the time I get to whatever it is I envision as an irrecoverable disaster, something will have changed. The illustration she uses is being stuck in an airport overnight, which she calls one of her great fears. She shares that when it finally happened, she had learned to live in the moment and discovered she had what she needed in those moments.

 

In fall 2018, Gem and I traveled to Germany to speak to a group of Navy chaplains. We arrived a few days early to do a bit of sightseeing. One day we drove into Munich to visit the city center because it has a reputation as a beautiful place. As we were coming up out of an underground parking garage, I could see pedestrians standing in the middle of the lane at the top of the ramp. In trying to avoid them, I scraped the lower passenger side of our rented Citroen. Immediately, anxiety arose, pretending to be a prophet:

 

“You are counting on your Chase credit card rental coverage, but it’s not going to work internationally. You’ll be stuck with a massive bill.”
“This is going to ruin your trip because of how much time it will take to deal with this.”
“You won’t be able to enjoy the rest of this trip.”

 

These thoughts overwhelmed me and threatened to do to me exactly what they claimed. But they were all predicting the immediate future. How right were they?

 

When I reached our credit card company later that same day, they told me that our coverage was good up to the value of the vehicle. I had no reason to worry.
It took me about one hour to work on this to learn what I needed to know before I left Germany. The time I spent that day worrying about this little accident was more than an hour. Worry didn’t improve the situation one little bit.
Thankfully, I was able to make my way to peace and well-being by the end of that day, and I enjoyed the rest of the trip.

 

When I returned the car at the airport, I learned that there was a glitch with the rental agency that might cause us trouble with the claim. Rather than worrying about it, I decided that maybe the Lord was going to shepherd us in all this and that I still wouldn’t find myself in a situation of want. It turns out I was right here too.

 

I attach a lot of gloom and doom to the “what ifs” and “what abouts” that arise in my thinking. I envision, as my friend Tom shares from his experience in recovery, “a parade of imaginary horribles.” Regarding the damage, I imagined a huge bill with which I’d have no help. I imagined something hanging over me for days, weeks, even months.

 

But the reality is that nothing as bad as any of that ever happened. The Lord is my shepherd. The Lord is your shepherd. How good to live in this preemptive peace.

 

For Reflection:

What situation in the near or distant future threatens to be one of want? How might you remind yourself that by the time you get to that moment, the Lord will have shepherded you well to places of abundance, care, and peace?

ICDT #69: Become a Promoter of Peace

 

If we were to only believe the 24-hour news cycle, we would think there is very little peace in the world. Yes, there are dramatic and traumatic things going on around the planet. But right in the middle of all that, many people are simply living their lives--loving their families, working hard and serving others.

 

We can choose to be people of peace right in the middle of a contentious, distracted and overwhelmed culture. And I would argue this is absolutely necessary.

 

Today we’re looking at a scripture passage that gives us beautiful counsel for extending peace to everyone, no matter the circumstance. And there’s a surprising twist that generously benefits us as we do. 

UL Podcast #247: Listen to Your Day (Paul Angone)

 

We’re living at a time in which our capacity attention may be our most valuable asset. If this is true, than our great liability is distraction, and the ways in which we are training ourselves in distraction. Paying attention to the purpose of our lives, and to where God may be inviting us to give of our energy and time is a beautiful opportunity.

The world around us is happy to provide us with lots of attractive options for surrendering our attention to mostly meaningless amusements. But God’s purpose for you is gentler, quieter, less flashy and more substantial. God’s Spirit would love to train you how to pay attention to his presence in your every moment. 

My guest today, Paul Angone, has written a book to help us with all this, Listen to Your Day. He wants to help us stop drifting, stop worrying, and stop living distracted. I’m looking forward to sharing our recent conversation with you in a minute. 

Paul Angone is a trusted and sought-after voice to college students, young professionals, and those going through career change. The bestselling author  of 101 Secrets for Your Twenties, 101 Questions You Need to Ask in Your Twenties, and 25 Lies Twentysomethings Need to Stop Believing, Paul is a dynamic keynote speaker at universities, corporations, and churches nationwide. He is also the creator of AllGroanUp.com and the All Groan Up podcast. He lives just outside Denver, Colorado, with his wife, Naomi, and their four children.

Await the Fullness

Blog by Gem Fadling

Here at Unhurried Living, we like to think of every person as a leader—a person of influence. But what enriches that leadership? What gives it substance?

 

Alan grew up going to a man-made lake near Sacramento to enjoy boating and water-skiing. What had once been a river that flowed through a valley had, thanks to the building of a dam, become a reservoir able to hold 300 billion gallons of water to benefit and bless the surrounding community.

 

Bernard of Clairvaux was a twelfth-century French abbot who worked as a reformer of the Cistercian order. I love this ancient word of wisdom he gives about the beauty of being a reservoir:

 

“The [one] who is wise, therefore, will see his life as more like a reservoir than a canal. The canal simultaneously pours out what it receives; the reservoir retains the water till it is filled, then discharges the overflow without loss to itself. . . . Today there are many in the Church who act like canals, the reservoirs are far too rare. . . . You too must learn to await this fullness before pouring out your gifts, do not try to be more generous than God.”

 

How does this idea of a reservoir speak to our lives, our influence, our leadership? Consider this description of the life and leadership of Jesus:

 

“Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:15-16)

 

The crowd surrounded Jesus as they longed to learn from him and be healed by him. Jesus had a full plate—more full than yours or mine. But no matter how busy Jesus’ life and work became, he often withdrew to pray, to enjoy time alone with the Father. These were his reservoir times.

 

Jesus listened to the loving voice of the Father, rested in the loving presence of the Father, and became refreshed and filled. There Jesus remembered who he was and what the Father was inviting him to say and do. He speaks of this dynamic in the Gospel of John:

 

“Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does.” (John 5:19-20)

 

How might we follow Jesus in this reservoir dynamic of life and leadership? How might we learn not only the what of following him but also the how, the why, the way?

 

We can learn to treasure the goodness God is pouring into us and store it up like a reservoir of abundance out of which we may bless and serve others without becoming empty.

 

We can make space to let God fill our souls to the brim in relationship with him. This is how Jesus was able to accomplish all that he did. He often withdrew to receive love from the Father, to learn from him.

 

Reflection 

How does the image of the reservoir versus the canal strike you?
How might your time with God form in you a reservoir from which you can bless others without loss to yourself?
How might your influence be enriched as you continue to be filled with God’s love and presence?

 

A few years ago, I created a brief video that includes the Bernard of Clairvaux quote and a few reflection questions. Enjoy it HERE.

 

 

Photo by Deeva Sood on Unsplash

UL #246: PACE: Grow Your Leadership & Soul Care Skills

 

Here at Unhurried Living, we care about the souls of leaders. We are interested in spiritual leadership that attends to the souls of others. This is at the heart of the calling of Jesus in our lives to follow him, to let him shepherd us well, and to learn how to join him in the care of others around us. 

Cultivating the spiritual growth of others has been at the heart of our work for more than 30 years. And this Fall, we’ll be launching a new training in leadership and soul care called PACE.

 

PACE is for you if you want to engage your leadership with more intention & presence, but:

You haven’t found a mentor to help guide the way, 
You don’t have the skills to lead formationally,
You feel distracted by all your current demands. 

Maybe you are well aware of your need to prioritize the care of your own soul, but:

You're feeling unfocused  or overwhelmed
You don't believe you have the time to devote to these practices
You struggle to experience the connection between your soul and your leadership. 

You know you could be leading with more focus and heart…but you don’t know where to begin.

You know you could be leading from overflow...but you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and distracted by all the options.

Learn more about PACE here.

Resurrection Seems Late

Blog by Alan Fadling

A few years back, Gem and I traveled to the Bavarian Alps in the south of Germany to train a group of Navy chaplains. It was a wonderful experience. While we were there, we took time to do a bit of sightseeing, including a visit to some sites in Munich. We parked in an underground lot and walked to the Marianplatz in the city center.

 

We had hoped to walk around this historic area and enjoy the scenery, but we soon realized we had walked into the middle of a crowded, noisy demonstration. It wasn’t an especially pleasant place to visit, and we didn’t understand much about what was happening. As a result, we couldn’t fully enjoy the square we’d previewed on several internet videos.

 

We didn’t stay long but instead walked back to the parking space, paid the four euros for our short stay, and started to leave. As we neared the top of the narrow ramp, I saw pedestrians in the way. Trying to drive around them, I got too close to the right curb and scraped the lower passenger door along its full length. I had to back up a bit to disengage from the curb, and before we drove away, Gem got out and saw the scrape was a bad one. Ugh!

 

We decided to head to a nearby park and figure out what to do next. I was fuming about the experience. I was angry at the people standing in the way at the top of the ramp. They weren’t malicious, just thoughtless. And I was probably being hypervigilant in the way I avoided them and so ended up damaging our rental car. I felt dumb and feared that our credit card’s auto insurance wouldn’t cover the damage. It felt like the death of our carefree day in Munich.

 

In my daily Bible reading the next morning, when I was still feeling anxious about our little accident, I was in the Gospel of John and read this passage from chapter 11:

 

On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

“Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.”

Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

 

As I read, I empathized with Mary and Martha in their puzzlement about the delay of Jesus’ visit. I felt their disappointment and sadness. I could imagine myself responding more like Mary in staying home and less like Martha in going out to meet Jesus.

 

Martha knew that Jesus could have healed her brother if he’d been there. But he wasn’t. And Lazarus died. Sometimes God’s response doesn’t come at the eleventh hour. Sometimes it feels like God shows up late. Lazarus had been dead for days. “Where were you, Jesus?” These are things I’ve felt and prayed in my own life. I felt that way about the rental car accident. I wanted God to have somehow protected me from it. Until the moment it happens, resurrection feels impossible and unimaginable. Until that moment, death is the only visible reality.

 

I think of our journey into the vision God gave us at URBANA 1990. We believed God was calling us to share our lives with leaders. We assumed God would take us into that work immediately. But we weren’t ready. We became attached to the vision as though it were our identity. It seemed that God needed to let the vision die to remove that unhelpful attachment so the vision could be resurrected without it. That apparently took about 25 years. I am grateful now, but I often felt abandoned and forgotten during those years. For a long time I felt more death than life in that vision.

 

So when I scraped the passenger door of our rental car against the curb coming out of that parking garage near Marianplatz in Munich, I felt a death. Death to my carefree day. Death to my sense of competency as a driver. My thoughts were negative and dark. I was angry with myself. I was angry with the pedestrians standing in the driveway at the top of that ramp. I was fearful of financial harm. I was fearful and frustrated about the time it would take to address this with our credit card company and the rental car agency.

 

In a moment like that, I wonder if Jesus might have been saying, “This will be resurrected. You will not suffer death or destruction.” My response to such gracious words was, “God, forgive me when I assume that resurrection will never come in my experience. Grant me anticipatory peace and confidence rather than anticipatory anxiety and fear.”

 

For Reflection  

Is there somewhere in your experience, past or present, that feels more like death than life? What might resurrection in that place of death look like? Ask God about this.

 

 

Photo by Jonny Gios on Unsplash

ICDT #68: Warn, Encourage, Help

We begin with a reading from 1 Thes 5:14:

“And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” (1 Thes. 5:14)

 

It would be easy to simply gloss over this, ignoring the relational nuances or to turn it into some rigid formula for the control freak within. Rather than either of those, I like to think of this as wise counsel for truly seeing others and responding in ways that might actually help them make their way.

 

We’ll simply take each phrase on its face as we move through the verse.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram or visit her at the Unhurried Living website.

UL Podcast #245: Invitation to Retreat (Ruth Haley Barton)

 

In the first two chapters of An Unhurried Life, I share a bit about my first experience with solitude and silence in a group retreat setting. That was in January 1990. It’s hard to believe that was 33 years ago. I have often shared how transformative the regular rhythm of retreat has been in my life, my marriage, and my leadership over the years. 

Today, I’m so happy to be talking with Ruth Haley Barton about her book Invitation to Retreat. It’s such a wise, practical resource to help us cultivate the regular practice of spiritual retreat. I can highly recommend it!

 

Ruth Haley Barton (Doctor of Divinity, Northern Seminary) is founding president and CEO of the Transforming Center, a ministry dedicated to strengthening the souls of pastors and Christian leaders, and the congregations and organizations they serve. For over twenty years, she has ministered to the soul care needs of pastors and leaders based upon her conviction that the best thing we bring to leadership is our own transforming selves.

Ruth is the author of numerous books and resources on the spiritual life, including Invitation to Solitude and Silence, and Pursuing God's Will Together.