Alan Fadling's Blog, page 24

The Prime of Life

Blog by Gem Fadling

A few months ago a fairly prominent newscaster made a flippant comment about how women over fifty are not in their prime. He gave examples from a Google search that said women in their twenties and thirties are in their prime. Of course, being a woman over fifty, I had some very strong feelings about this dismissive statement.

 

In the moment I wanted to respond on social media but decided not to enter the fray of reactive dialogue.

 

Time passed and I forgot all about the newscaster’s comment, until recently when I saw a movie in which a man speaks endearingly to a woman over fifty: “You look like you’re in your prime to me.” A sweet and heartfelt statement at just the right time in the story.

 

So I thought about the word “prime” again. What does that even mean? I looked it up, and this definition stood out:

 

Being the most desired or suitable example of something.

 

Most desired or suitable. The newscaster spoke about younger women being in their prime as if that were possible during only one season. But that could not be further from the truth. The Holy Spirit lives within us, which means we are desirable and suitable all along the way and at every age. God has created us so.

 

A formational question emerges out of this conversation: Is it ever a good idea to compare and rate our seasons of life?

 

We all go through many changes and transformations over the course of a lifetime. One stage is not better than another. Each has its own challenges, graces, and beauties.

 

There are any number of measuring sticks we could use to argue about when a person is in their prime, but let’s not do that. Instead, let’s discern that we can be in our prime at any point along our journey. We don’t have to put others down or exclude anyone from being a suitable example of a good human based on their season of life.

 

Let’s look at Colossians 3:12-17 (NLT). This is a good starting place when exploring the aspects of a desirable life:

 

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

 

Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

 

This sounds like the prime of life to me: 

Chosen
Holy and loved by God
Clothed with tenderhearted mercy
Kind
Humble
Gentle
Patient
Forgiving
Loving
Peaceful
Offering wise counsel
Having a thankful heart

 

And this list is not bound by time or age or any other metric. It is the good fruit born of walking with God.

 

Do certain words ever capture your attention the way the word “prime” did for me in this instance? Sometimes when this happens I’ll simply keep moving, but this time I decided to linger and discern.  And even though it felt like a trigger at first, I followed a path that helped me make my way: 

Pause and notice.
Recall how the word was used.
Learn what the word really means.
Discern what that means for me in my own life. This can include wise counsel from Scripture and/or talking with a trusted friend or spiritual director.

 

The next time someone speaks a word or phrase that gives you pause, try this practice and see what emerges. I’d love to hear your process as it unfolds for you.

Blessings to you as you make your way.

 

For Reflection 

Try on the little practice I shared. Go back and reread the above steps if you need to, but here are the main verbs: 

Pause
Recall
Learn
Discern

 

The next time you hear someone speak a word or phrase that makes you want to react, try this instead and see what emerges for you.

 

 

Photo by Patrick Tomasso on Unsplash

The Gift of Unexpected Rest

Blog by Alan Fadling

God takes rest seriously and built into the very fabric of creation. The first full day after the creation of humanity is a day of rest—a Sabbath. God rests. We rest. And rest is the place in which relationship is established and cultivated. This is why God urges us to enter his rest. It isn’t a legalism. It’s an invitation to be rooted in love and grace. But too often we fail to open this invitation.

 

There’s an almost throwaway line at the end of Second Chronicles that catches my attention. Jerusalem has been attacked. The temple has been looted and burned. The city walls are broken down. God had been warned his people that their continuing disobedience would be disastrous for them, and it was. But there is a surprising bright spot in the end:

 

“The land enjoyed its Sabbath rests; all the time of its desolation it rested, until the seventy years were completed in fulfillment of the word of the LORD spoken by Jeremiah.” (2 Chron. 36:21)

 

What an amazing comment for the chronicler to make as he closes his story: the land enjoyed its Sabbath rests. A little background will be helpful here. The Law of Moses had taught God’s people that the land they’d been given was supposed to be left fallow one out of every seven years (Lev. 25:1-7). During that year the fields were not to be planted, the vines were to be not pruned, and no crops were to be harvested for profit.

 

Instead of obeying, the people had worked the land year after year, decade after decade, century after century until the land was exhausted.

 

When Moses gave God’s people the rules about a Sabbath for the land, he also warned them what would happen if they weren’t willing to follow God’s wise guidance. Specifically, he told them a day would come when they might be driven out of the promised land. And when that happened, the land would finally get its rest (Lev. 26:34-35).

 

Centuries later, Jeremiah warned God’s people that a seventy-year captivity was coming (Jer. 25). This was the backdrop for the chronicler’s comment about the land and its Sabbaths. For the seventy years Israel was in exile, the land was able to observe the Sabbath years it hadn’t had for centuries.

 

So, while the land lay desolate, it was resting. I am struck by this connection between a desolate season and rest. Sometimes a season of great consolation can be very draining. When everything goes our way, we may just keep working and working until we collapse.

 

But we may one day find ourselves in a season of desolation. It doesn’t even have to be “our fault.” Maybe we lose our job, or hit a quarter- or mid-life crisis, or experience some painful loss. While such circumstances often derail our normal work life, they can also be seasons in which we receive the unexpected gift of rest.

 

We might get stuck on what sounds like punishment language in Jeremiah or from the writer of Chronicles, but I think we need to see the bigger picture. Even when God sends discipline to his disobedient and rebellious children, he has redemption in mind. After seventy years, the Jewish people would return to a land that had rested and was ready to be more productive than any of them could imagine.

 

When the circumstances of life force us to rest, that can be a darker shade of grace than we can easily see. But it is grace nonetheless.

 

For Reflection 

When have you most recently been through a season of loss, hurt, or desolation that disrupted your normal work or productivity?
What are some ways in which an unexpected opportunity to rest presented itself?
Were you able to enter into that rest?
If not, what might have prevented you or gotten in the way?

 

A Next Step 

Have you seen our online resource, “Encountering God in the Psalms”? Many from our community have found these guided prayers to be a helpful way to sink deeper into God’s presence. Why not take a look!

 

 

Photo by Ris & Ry on Unsplash

ICDT #78: Enjoying the Unexpected

 

Growing up on our small six-acre farm in Washington was wonderful. As a child, I enjoyed many hours and days of leisure. This was back in the day before the information age. One phone connected to a wall and five channels on the TV (and I was the remote control). I had a pogo stick, a skateboard, a bike and a horse. What else could you need?

 

One of my favorite memories was rolling down a small hill in our front yard. It was probably only a four-foot incline, but for a young one like me it was a delight. I spent hours lying in the grass, watching butterflies and bees, looking up at tall pine branches hanging overhead, or simply watching the sky.

 

Today we’re going to think about enjoying the little, and sometimes unexpected, aspects of life.

What is the Quality of Your Life?

Blog by Gem Fadling

During the first few months of this year I was in a season of “reset.” Prior to that I had been rumbling along at an accelerated speed, and I came to realize it was too much for me. My body and soul spoke loudly at the same time and said, “Enough!”

 

Awhile back I shared with my spiritual director about this reset and how I feel a big shift occurring in this, my fifty-ninth year of life. The big 6-0 is looming ahead of me in early 2024, and it’s giving me pause.

 

I still feel young and vibrant inside, and I know that age is just a number. And yet there is no doubt about it—I will be entering the final third of my life.

 

I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic about this. It’s good to pause in big life-shift seasons. Over the course of my life I’ve spent a lot of time looking back, reflecting, and turning those reflections into discernment and then hope. This is a wonderful practice that I highly recommend.

 

But my spiritual director asked me a question about the future:

 

What is quality of life you want in your sixties?

 

Without hesitating, four words came to mind. These are the qualities of life I desire in my next season: 

Free
Meaningful
Rested
Fruitful

 

Let’s unpack what I mean by each of these words and what I hope and pray God will do in and through me.

 

FREE

I’ve come to learn that true freedom is not doing whatever I want, whenever I want. That’s actually a kind of slavery. It has no healthy boundaries. The kind of freedom I’m talking about is the freedom to choose good. The freedom to be released from other people’s perceptions, expectations, and opinions. The freedom to rise above my own unhealthy patterns. The freedom to fill up to overflowing so that the fruit of the Spirit is expressed in my life.

 

All of my apprenticeship to Jesus, spiritual formation, and therapy have brought healing and opened new doors for me. Will I walk in the freedom that exists in the Kingdom of God? This is the real question. And my answer is a resounding “Yes!”

 

MEANINGFUL

The desire to engage in a meaningful existence is at the heart of most people, and this really comes to the forefront as we age. I want to be a part of meaningful work. I desire the love of God within me to express itself in ways that make a difference. A spiritually formed life isn’t focused on itself but looks outward. Contemplation and action are inseparable siblings. I can derive meaning within my experience of God as well as in how I serve others.

 

RESTED

This one is no surprise coming from someone who heads an organization called Unhurried Living. Whatever it is that I engage, whether my inner or outer life, I want to do it from an unhurried heart. This means I must rest in all the ways that make that possible. Sleep. Sabbath days. Family. Play. Friendship. Solitude and silence. A sustainable pace. Rest comes in many forms, and I intend to live and lead from a rested center.

 

FRUITFUL

In John 15:16a Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last . . .”

 

This is the kind of fruitfulness I long for. Fruit that will last. And I am convinced this fruit emerges from the Spirit within—which means that I step out of the way as often as possible. I cooperate more than I instigate. The more I rely on God and God’s movements within me, and the more I allow all of this to be expressed in my life, the more fruitful I am. This is the organic way of abiding. Jesus is the vine. I am the branch. My job is to remain. Fruit only emerges on the branch if it stays attached to the vine.

 

All of this musing on the final third of life brings to mind 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

 

Inwardly we are being renewed day by day. How will we cooperate with that reality? What freedom, meaning, rest, and fruitfulness will emerge from this renewal? These are great questions to hold as we allow them to become prayers. Listen for how God might bring forth goodness from these requests.

 

For Reflection 

Ask yourself the same question my spiritual director asked me: What is the quality of life you want in your next decade?
Take time to make a brief list, and then make it your intention to lean into the ramifications of this desire.

 

Photo by Brian Mann on Unsplash

One Dark Night: A Deeper Work of God

Blog by Alan Fadling

[These thoughts come from a journal entry of about 15 years ago when I was experiencing a deep and dark night of faith]

I have found insight and wisdom for my journey with Christ in the writings of John of the Cross, that sixteenth-century spiritual director, especially when he talks about “the dark night of the soul”. In my work as a spiritual director, it is a practical theme I address often. How do we respond in prayer when our experience of God feels more like absence than presence? How do we respond when our familiar experiences of God disappear into the mist? How do we go forward when all we seem to see ahead is fog?

 
What is a Dark Night of Faith?

Gerald May, in Care of Mind/Care of Spirit, says that these dark night places are doing a work that is deeper than our experiences of emotion, thought or action. In some ways, it might be more helpful to call the “dark night” a non-experience. It is this process of unknowing that I find so challenging. I have put such stock in being able to understand and explain things. This dark place seems impossible to verbalize. I fear that I will never come back from this place, that I am doomed to darkness and unknowing forever. It feels so vast and unending. But, such a place may very well be God’s way of detaching me from my human confidences and my ugly, self-serving pride. God may be showing me just how desperately I need Him—how I can truly do nothing apart from Him.

The loss of familiar experiences—the landmarks of my spiritual journey by which I’ve measured my progress—are gone. In the unlearning, what am I learning?

 
I learn not to cling to even spiritual pleasures

Experiences of spiritual insight, pleasure or direction that once seemed common seem to taken from me. Oswald Chambers describes a period in his life when the Bible was the most dull and uninteresting book in existence—a time when he felt no conscious communion with God. Earlier in my journey, there were times when I felt almost drunk with spiritual pleasures and insights in God’s presence. The sense of reward and consolation when coming into God’s presence was overwhelming. I realize now that there were a lot of ways that my self-love and self-importance attached itself to these pleasures. I sometimes (perhaps often) became proud and thought I was “really something for God”. No wonder God needs to wean me from such ugly attachments.

 
I learn not to cling to past ambitions and impulses

I used to feel so much more confident and sure of myself. I thought I knew exactly what I was doing. I had satisfying and hopeful dreams for my future—both immediate and long-term. In a dark night, these plans feel put on hold. I often find it difficult to find motivation and feel misunderstood by others. Why should they understand what is happening in my life if I’m not even sure?

 
A sense of “losing my faith”

I think of how pat my answers were earlier in my journey. I knew them all and was happy to share them with anyone who was smart enough to listen. That kind of pride seems so gross to me now. I had God and His kingdom neatly categorized and homogenized. I realize now that it wasn’t so much God and His kingdom that I was dealing with as much my own ideas about Him.

 
A change in my perception of God

One image of God that I deeply believed in was the God Who always makes me look wise and always give me success that is visible to others. I don’t recall where I thought I found such a description of God in the scriptures. I believed that God was the God Who granted me favor against or over others. I compared myself to others and used God as the One Who tipped the scale my way. Self-interest baptized into Christian service.

 
A change in my sense of identity

I once saw myself as the spiritual leader who others admired and looked up to…a real hero of the faith. I was able to endure great personal crises with little or no visible distress. I secretly loved the attention given me by those who thought so much of me. The dark night is the place where such self-deception dies.

Father, again this becomes a moment of clarity in which I can see just a little of what You are doing and have been doing in me. You accomplish deep within me what I could never accomplish for myself. In the truest sense, the dark night is Your intervention for my salvation. In the secret places, I have been resistant to You. I have run from You. I have failed to seek You, but have sought almost anything else. Forgive me, Father. Protect me from swinging from self-absorption to self-rejection. Self-promotion and self-degradation both prevent me from simply seeing Jesus. Be my light in the dark night of faith.

 

Photo by Jeff Nissen on Unsplash

The Benefits of Vulnerability

A Blog by Gem Fadling

When you have a DSLR (digital single-lens reflex) camera you can choose to shoot your images in either RAW or JPG mode. All images are made up of pixels. Pixels are like tiny dots all scrunched together to make the image that you see when you look at a photo.

 

A JPG image compresses some of the pixels together when you take the picture. It might take all of the whites in one section of the image and combine them together, and it might combine all of the red pixels from another section. This means you do not have access to all of the pixels when you edit the photo, which means there is less ability to fix a mistake or enhance an image.

 

A RAW image is taken in such a way that every single pixel in an image retains the ability to be manipulated or enhanced when you edit the photo. Each pixel remains independent of the others. Having used RAW mode, you could correct mistakes you made when you snapped the image. You have access to every single pixel. This is great news if you take an underexposed photo and need to brighten it. With the touch of a slider, you can bring a dark photo into the light.

 

It may feel horrible, but being raw in your own life of transformation can be similarly good. You have access to everything you need to become everything you could be. Being raw looks like being vulnerable or acknowledging that sometimes you don’t have the answers. It can mean being honest about what is actually happening rather than sliding into denial. Being raw can also mean not rationalizing or making something pretty that isn’t pretty.

 

I won’t lie, remaining raw takes courage. Courage because the process for true healing usually takes time, and sustained courage during that process can be very difficult. But remember, RAW mode leaves the image (and you) open to the most enhancing. And if you want God to continue his work of transformation, then keeping yourself open is totally worth it.

 

On the flip side, leaving yourself closed, going into denial, and rationalizing can all keep you in JPG mode. You might be moving along, but the deepest work isn’t being accessed because your openness level is compressed or shallow.

 

Are you experiencing a RAW place right now? Even though it hurts and you just want it to be over, try taking a moment to see the beauty of having full access to the change that needs to occur. Like an image in the hand of a skilled photographer, you have access to every single inner pixel. You are open. Being raw and vulnerable allows for that.

 

Reflection 

Take time to ponder and/or journal an area of your life in which you feel raw and vulnerable.
Pause for a moment and breathe. This painful place is the access point of the Holy Spirit. A deep place where true healing might occur. What emotions and thoughts arise in light of this?
Ask God to meet you here. And then seek the help you need if the healing requires more support.

 

P.S. What Does Your Soul Love? is the perfect book to use for your upcoming small group season. There are journal/conversation questions at the end of each chapter and there is a small group guide in the appendix. Order from your favorite bookstore.

 

Taken from What Does Your Soul Love? by Gem & Alan Fadling. ©2019 by Gem & Alan Fadling. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press.  www.ivpress.com .

 

Photo by Nicolas Ladino Silva on Unsplash

ICDT #77: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers (K.J. Ramsey)

 

Today I’m sharing a timely replay from the Unhurried Living Podcast. I interviewed K.J. Ramsey on her book This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers.

 

The entire episode will play, including an introduction of K.J., so for now, I’ll leave you with this. You are not alone in your suffering and K.J. is an expert on this, having suffered physically for years. Listen and take heart.

K.J. Ramsey is a trauma-informed licensed professional counselor and author whose work offers space to see every part of our souls and stories as sacred. She holds degrees from Covenant College and Denver Seminary and is the author of This Too Shall Last: Finding Grace When Suffering Lingers and The Lord is My Courage: Stepping Through the Shadows of Fear Toward the Voice of Love.

The Importance of Listening to God

Blog by Alan Fadling

Over the years, I have led hundreds of retreats that have at their center a few hours to be alone and quiet in listening prayer.

 

At one such retreat, one participant shared a conversation she had with a pastor who suggested there is no biblical precedent for listening prayer. I found that comment interesting , and as I reflected on it, I had many thoughts in response. Here are some bullet points that came to mind:

 

The whole of scripture is an extended story of conversation after conversation between God and people. Such a conversation obviously involves listening as well as speaking. Why would we expect things to be different in our era when we believe that God is now fulfilling everything the scriptures have been about? Why resist the expectation that God would speak today?

 

If we are not listening to God’s voice, then there is no real reason for the biblical practice of discernment.

 

We theologize away gifts of the Spirit that imply hearing God’s voice. Is this really biblical, or might it actually be an argument from a lack of experience?

 

Ecclesiastes 5:1-2 speaks of drawing near to God and listening.

 

Why do we interpret biblical occurrences of the word “listen” into the practical equivalent of “read” (i.e., “the Bible”)? The scriptures speak of both reading and listening.

 

To convince ourselves that listening to God is a misguided idea, we highlight the weirdest, most distorted stories we can find of people hearing and trusting strange things that they attribute to God. This doesn’t help.

 

Jesus said he only spoke what he heard the Father saying. How did he know what those words were if he did not hear them from the Father, presumably in prayer? Is it not possible (even likely) that part of our following Jesus involves expecting something similar in our own experience? He does say that his sheep follow him because they know his voice (John 10:4).

 

There are those who say that because we have the scriptures we don’t need God’s voice today. Why do we think this? Do we not see God speaking even in the book of Acts? Do we not see evidence of God’s voice in the lives of the early church fathers and mothers?

 

Seasons when the word (read “voice”) of God was rare were dark times in which the people of God experienced great distance from God. Why would we think this is any different today?

 

Even those who don’t believe in listening prayer will seek to authorize a decision or action by saying they “feel led.” How does one discern this “being led” apart from listening?

 

Even with all the misguided stuff that was going on in the church at Corinth in terms of “hearing God’s voice” and such, Paul never urges them to stop listening or practicing certain spiritual gifts. Rather, he gives strong direction for how to do so properly and rightly.

 

What human-to-human relationship ever comes to a point where conversation is no longer needed? Why do we expect that our relationship with God would come to such a point?

 

Photo by Larry George II on Unsplash

A Posture for Treansformation

Blog by Gem Fadling

I’ve long been intrigued by process, and, paired with my natural bent toward curiosity, I paused once to ask God how my life’s journey had brought me to that current point. Of course, I could look back and see how I had imperfectly and messily traversed all of the circumstances in my life—the highs, the lows, and the in-betweens. But what propelled me forward before, during, and after each season, keeping in mind the dynamics of a life of transformation? How did I make my way through resistance?

 

As I pondered my journey, the first three dynamics that arose from within were the words open, aware, and willing.

 

Open: Do you want it? Openness implies receptivity, the opposite of being closed up, small, narrow, and the attitude “I don’t need that.” We don’t have to be perfectly open. God welcomes us at our current state of readiness. However, at any point, we can decide to become even just a bit more open so that we can welcome whatever is next. Throughout every season of our lives, it is possible to be open and listen to God’s voice and follow his promptings.

 

This means having the courage to stretch beyond what feels safe. Any real change requires leaving the safety of where we are to venture into new territory. How much do you want transformation that leads to greater freedom? Engaging with an open heart and mind can keep the pathway clear.

 

Aware: Are you noticing? After identifying a sense of being open, the next dynamic to emerge is awareness. This begs the question of having access to a higher consciousness. We can call this part of ourselves the “inner observer.” The inner observer allows us to stand back a bit and get a more objective look at what is going on. When we don’t engage the inner observer, we can get stuck in reactive mode.

 

With our inner observer engaged we can notice more often what is going on inside of us which, in turn, can lead to insights that lead to healing. Awareness takes as much courage as openness because we are saying that we are not afraid to dig deeper into our inner world. We are not afraid to tackle our weaknesses and issues. We are not afraid to notice what is occurring in our relationships and take appropriate action for change.

 

Willing: Are you willing to take action? Right on the heels of being open and aware, we find willingness. Are we willing to do something about what we have been open to and the inner dynamics we found as we became more aware? This is an important moment. If we are not willing to take action, then, by definition, we will remain behind the wall of resistance.

 

Reflection

 Check in with yourself. Think of one area of desired change in your life. Are you: 

Open: Do you want it?
Aware: Are you noticing?
Willing: Are you willing to take action?

 

Being open, aware, and willing is the place to begin if we find ourselves stuck in resistance. Each word is invitational and implies gracious presence with ourselves and others.

 

P.S. What Does Your Soul Love? is the perfect book to use for your upcoming small group season. There are journal/conversation questions at the end of each chapter and there is a small group guide in the appendix. Order from your favorite bookstore.

 

Taken from What Does Your Soul Love? by Gem & Alan Fadling. ©2019 by Gem & Alan Fadling. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press.  www.ivpress.com .

 

 

 

ICDT #76: Fruit That Lasts (Jodie Niznik)

 

I recently had the pleasure of spending a weekend with my friend, teacher and leader, Jodie Niznik. We talked about fruitfulness inspired by God, as compared to productivity inspired by me…which can sometimes lead to over-giving.

 

We often think we need to accomplish things by direct action. But fruitfulness works a little differently. Jodie and I dig into that and I trust you’ll find some nuggets to tuck away as well as some new action steps.

Jodie Niznik, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary, helps people create space for God in their lives through her Scripture meditation podcast entitled "So Much More", and equips them to take another step with Jesus through her Real People, Real Faith Bible studies and teaching. She served in pastoral ministry for over twelve years. Her calling and passion is to equip people to create space for God in their lives and take another step in their journey with Jesus. Jodie is married to Tim. They have two adult daughters and a very poorly trained Yorkie-poo. You can connect with her at jodieniznik.com and on Instagram.