Alan Fadling's Blog, page 20

UL #279: Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith (Alan with Bill & Kristi Gaultiere)

 

Spiritual growth is often sparked by great love or deep pain. But so much of our world conspires to keep us too busy to feel loved or to pay attention to our deep feelings. We want to grow, but we aren’t always aware of the points at which God is inviting us forward. We need mentors and tools that will help slow us down to notice God with us, and to see where we may be welcoming the grace of God in our lives and where we may be resisting God’s initiative and work. 

 

One tool that has helped me immensely over the years is the Enneagram. It’s become rather popular in the church in recent years. My guests today, Bill and Kristi Gaultiere, have written an important book that unpacks this tool titled Healthy Feelings, Thriving Faith: Growing Emotionally and Spiritually through the Enneagram. I really appreciate how they make the Enneagram understandable as a tool for growth. 

 

Bill and Kristi have been counseling and ministering to people for thirty years. Bill is a psychologist who has served in private practice, co-led a New Life psychiatric day hospital, and pastored churches. Kristi is a marriage and family therapist who has also served in private practice and church ministry. Together they are the founders of Soul Shepherding, a nonprofit ministry to help believers discover their next steps for growing in emotional health and intimacy with Jesus.

UL #278: Faithful Work (Gem with Ross Chapman)

 

One-third of our waking lives is spent at work. Work is where we make culture and come into contact with our world. Work is central to God's mission to redeem souls, systems, and structures. And God works through our work to bring hope to the brokenness of our surrounding culture.

The way of Jesus Christ is good news for the world, and that includes the transformation of our ordinary work into a sacred calling. Ross Chapman and Ryan Tafilowski show how work is a way to love God, serve our neighbors, and live the ways of Jesus. With a broader understanding of God's work in the world, we are able to engage our daily work as part of how God makes all things new.

Ross, co-author of Faithful Work: In the Daily Grind with God and for Others, invites you to reflect on the meaning and purpose of your life's work and to transform your work into service to those around you.

Ross Chapman is the CEO of Denver Institute for Faith & Work. He previously founded and served as president and executive director of For Evansville in Evansville, Indiana. He holds a doctorate of ministry in faith, work, economics, and vocation from Fuller Theological Seminary. He lives in the Denver area with his wife, Candace, and their three sons.

Beyond Numbing: Identifying Counterfeit Rest in Our Lives

Blog by Alan Fadling

Discerning what is true rest and what is counterfeit rest isn’t one-size-fits-all, because what is truly restful for one person might not be so restful for another. For example, working in the yard is often a life-giving and refreshing activity for me, even if it is a little physically draining. But for someone else, yard work may just be one chore on a long list of other tasks needing attention around the house. Not restful!

 

Let me take a minute to share some examples of counterfeit rest that I’ve noticed in my own experience and in the lives of others.

 

First, anything that leads toward numbing tends to be a counterfeit form of rest. I’m a big fan of numbing when it comes to dental surgery. I’d rather not endure a root canal without novocaine. But numbing as a life strategy is not a way to live well.

 

We can numb out through overeating, consuming alcohol or other substances, mindless scrolling on our smartphones, or binge-watching shows that don’t mean much to us. Whenever we find ourselves killing time, we are probably numbing.

 

Counterfeit rest usually looks like some form of escape or avoidance or numbing, whereas true rest will usually look more like staying put, feeling our feelings, or engaging our lives. True rest enables us to stop. Counterfeit rest has a way of keeping us going and going and going.

 

As an author with a somewhat public ministry, I have to confess to a form of escaping or avoiding that might be a unique occupational hazard for me. I call it “checking.” I find myself checking the current Amazon sales rank for each of my books. Are they doing well today? Well, then I feel good about myself. Is their sales ranking falling? Then I don’t feel so good. But checking is a way of distracting myself from what actually lies before me in either my work or my rest.

 

Or I find myself checking how many downloads my latest podcast episode has, or how many new subscribers we have to our weekly email. Again, it’s a way of avoiding the good work or the gift of rest that lies before me, and in the end, it doesn’t mean much. Many of us do something similar with our various social media feeds. How many people have liked that last post I made? Do I have more subscribers this week than last? Has anyone shared that content?

 

Another way many of us avoid or escape from our lives is through video games. In the 1970s, I was a Pong kid. Our family got one of those early Atari consoles for playing Home Pong. Manipulating a line of light to hit a ball of light was slightly less impressive than the graphics of today’s video games. Well, a little more than slightly.

 

We also bought a pinball machine that we set up in our family room. I can’t tell you how many hours I spent trying to master that thing.

 

And as a junior higher, I once spent an unimaginable number of quarters from my paper route earnings to become the high scorer on a Pac-Man game at the racquetball courts where our family had a membership.

 

So my habit of escaping into video games has a long history. I’m not anti-gaming, by the way. It was a fun way to connect with my three sons as they grew up, and it still is today. There are ways of gaming that are fun and challenging, and there are ways of gaming that are an escape from our lives and our tiredness.

 

You’ll know the difference by how you feel when you’re done with a session. Do you feel invigorated or drained? Do you feel energized or numbed?

 

As you think of your own experience these days, where are you finding true rest? How are you experiencing refreshment, renewal, or refilling? Or in what ways do you find yourself avoiding, escaping, or numbing?

 

I invite you to take a moment to talk with God soon about your habits of rest. Ask the Spirit to help you discern how he might be inviting you into places of deeper and truer rest. Ask how the Spirit might be encouraging you to resist those false promises of rest that are more draining than refreshing. I hope you’ll make a little time for a fruitful moment like this.

 

For Reflection:

Where are you experiencing refreshment, renewal, or refilling these days? Where are you experiencing something more draining or dulling?

 

Image by Lukas from Pixabay

UL #277: 6 Faces of Anxiety

 

We’re living in anxious times. I don’t hear anyone saying otherwise. And many feel utterly overwhelmed and powerless against the flood of anxiety that fills our hearts, our minds, our news feeds and our social media communities. 

 

Two weeks ago my latest book, A Non-Anxious Life, was released. The more I talk with leaders about soul hurry, the more I realize that a very common variety of it is anxiety. I know anxiety has driven a lot of my own work over the years. That kind of busyness may look impressive, but it hasn’t born good, lasting fruit. 

UL 276: 5 Years of Loss

 

1990 was a momentous & tragic year for me. Sadly, it was the year my dad passed away. His was a traumatic and life-altering death. I was just 26-years-old. 

 

Unfortunately, my dad’s death was just the beginning of a five-year season of loss. So much to experience by one so young. 

 

Today, I’ll be sharing with you my journey of loss and how God met me with great grace.

 

Abiding video referenced in episode.

5 Simple and Soulful Practices

Blog by Gem Fadling

We’re still near the beginning of the new calendar year, and for some people it feels like a fresh start. Most of us are long past making resolutions. We’ve come to see that they don’t last and often result in shame or guilt.

 

I haven’t made resolutions for years. But I thought it might be good to share with you a few simple ways you could plan for some ongoing soul care. These ideas are bottom-shelf, and that’s good. It’s always wise to begin small and build habits.

 

Below, I offer an idea for a practice to try within each of your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly rhythms. Begin by choosing one and adding it to your routine. Once it becomes a habit, you can add another as you go along.

 

My prayer is that these ideas spark something within you toward soulful habits. In the same way we brush our teeth, make our bed, or eat a meal, these practices are routines that can help us to remain open and aware, willing clay in the Potter’s hands.

 

Daily

Enjoy five minutes of presence. Practicing presence is becoming aware of your mind, body, and heart all in the same place.

 

Set a timer and simply sit or stand still for five minutes. Yes, your mind will usually race, but it is healthy to train your body and soul to be still, even for a very brief time.

 

You can place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. Feel yourself breathe. Remember that you are a human being, created and nurtured by a loving God.

 

Breathe deeply and lengthen your exhale. This has the benefit of calming your heart as you rest in God’s presence.

 

Weekly

Make space for reflection. Think back through the week and ask yourself two questions. You can write in a journal or simply think it through in your mind.

 

What was one time you felt good, joyful, or content?
What was one time you felt resistant, sad, or discontented?

 

No need to solve anything here. Simply notice these dynamics in your life. Allow a prayer to bubble up from within as you recall the conversations and situations of your week. Hold all of this in God’s presence.

 

This can take ten minutes or less, or you can make more time if you’d like.

 

Monthly

Place yourself in receptive mode. This is not a time to conquer anything or strive for something to occur. It’s a “be still and know that I am God” time.

 

We are often in active mode because, at our best, we are loving and serving others.

 

But receptive mode is a necessary pattern as well. It helps relieve some pressure and it leans us toward humility. (Believe it or not, the world will still spin if you step back for a bit.)

 

During this time:

 

Begin in silence.
Receive God’s love and care.
Open your hands to remind yourself to remain humble.
Let go of that which holds you back or presses you down.
Spend time doing what feels life-giving.
Have a minimal toolkit: Bible, journal, pen, music, spiritual reading.

 

If it helps, take a walk. I like to move or journal or take myself someplace lovely. It helps to remove yourself from distractions.

 

Set aside at least one hour. This is a great starting point. If this is already a regular practice for you, you might want a half day. HERE is a great guide to help you engage this time.

 

Quarterly

Assess your patterns and make adjustments. Be sure to notice your energy levels. Again, you are a human and not a machine. We are seasonal creatures just like flowers and trees.

 

Make adjustments to your calendar and life without guilt. Here are some questions to help you discern:

 

Do I have enough life-giving activities in my life? How might I increase that which is life-giving?
Where is my energy waning? Can I let go of this activity?
Do I have enough buffer or recovery time in between engagements?
What do I need in order to feel healthy—body, mind, and soul?
What support do I need to make the necessary changes?

 

Give yourself the gift of this important check-in. Like a tree in an orchard, you need watering, thinning, and resting.

 

Yearly

Engage a grand examen. Some people enjoy a daily examen, but you can also engage a grand examen by reflecting on the previous year. This is a great way to get an overview of God’s movements within your life on a larger scale.

 

This is where discernment really gets to shine. We may not know what’s happening in the midst of a particular season, but when we stop and look back, often our eyes and hearts are open to the large brushstrokes of our own formation.

 

We have created a beautiful guide for engaging a grand examen. You can use it as is, or allow it to spark your own imagination for ways to encounter God in the big picture of your life.

 

 

Reflection

Choose at least one of the practices I mentioned and calendar it for yourself. Even if you want to engage all of these practices, I suggest starting with just one or two and get them rolling first.

 

I hope one or more of these ideas feels like a good next step for you. Blessings to you as you make your way.

 

 

Photo by Ashlyn Ciara on Unsplash

 

UL #275: The Spiritual Art of Business (Barry Rowan)

 

At the turn of the century, Billy Graham said, "I believe that one of the next great moves of God is going to be through believers in the workplace.” In the last few years, I’ve witnessed a powerful work of God’s Spirit in and through men and women who are living their faith in their places of business. 

 

We are always leaning into the question, “How do I integrate my life of faith and the work of my life? How do I lead from deep-rootedness in God? How do I learn to receive from God all I need to do my work well?” Today, I’m speaking to Barry Rowan, author of The Spiritual Art of Business. It’s the fruit of a life lived in deep communion with God in the context of significant business leadership. 

 

Barry Rowan is a Harvard Business School graduate who spent his entire career serving in C-Suite roles. He has been instrumental in building and transforming eight businesses, primarily in the technology and communication space, with one selling for $10 billion. His leadership experience spans both private and public companies, including Gogo (the inflight connectivity company), Vonage, Nextel Partners, and Fluke Corporation.

 

Deeply immersed in Scripture and the classic spiritual writers, Barry is deeply committed to contemplation and prayer which led him to complete a month-long silent retreat immediately following his retirement from a full-time executive career. His friends have dubbed him a “corporate mystic.”

 

Barry is married to Linda, his wife of over forty-two years, and they have two adult sons. 

UL #274: One Necessary Focus

 

I love every part of our church's opening prayer and today I share about the importance of this prayer as well as the multiple sermons that emerge from the truths tucked within. 

 

Eternal God, heavenly Father, with great joy we thank you for graciously accepting us as living members of your Son, our Savior Jesus Christ, and for feeding us with spiritual food in the Sacrament of his Body and Blood. Send us now into the world in peace and mission, and grant us strength and courage to love and serve you and others with gladness and singleness of heart, through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Specifically, I want to focus on the ending. Particularly this phrase: “…grant us strength and courage to love and serve you and others with gladness and singleness of heart, through Christ our Lord.”

Embracing Unhurried Ways: Discerning True Rest from Counterfeit

Blog by Alan Fadling

They say that authors often write books that they themselves need. That has certainly been true when it comes to what I have written about Jesus’ rhythms of work and rest. I have a deep-seated efficiency and productivity engine inside me.

 

While this has often served me well in my work, it has also gotten in the way when it comes to entering into God’s gift of rest for me. It still feels like a discipline to stop producing and to simply embrace rest. When I do, I experience the grace and kindness of God. But it’s still often a challenge. I’ll share more about this in a moment.

 

Before I say more about counterfeit rest, it might help to say a few things about the theme of true rest. What is it? How do you know if you’ve rested? I like to think of true rest in terms of a series of “RE” words. Words like…

 

Refreshing, renewing, and restoring.

Or refilling, reviving, and reconnecting.

 

Counterfeits of true rest do not produce this fruit in our lives.

 

Instead of refreshing us, false rest becomes rather stale.
Instead of renewing us, false rest leaves us stuck in old patterns.
Instead of restoring us, false rest leaves old brokenness unhealed.
Instead of refilling us, false rest has a way of actually draining us.
Instead of reviving us, false rest can leave us feeling dead inside.
Instead of reconnecting us, false rest leaves us isolated and disconnected.

 

This is what counterfeit rest produces. At best, counterfeit rest leaves us as tired as we were before. At worst, it leaves us even more tired.

 

Now, in talking about counterfeit rest, let me share a quick word about the nature of counterfeits. Counterfeits make sense according to the value of what is being imitated. For example, when have you ever heard about a counterfeit ring producing fake one-dollar bills? Never. But what about counterfeit hundred-dollar bills? Those are valuable enough that it’s worth attempting to produce a counterfeit.

 

The reason rest is counterfeited is that rest is of great worth. Rest is a beautiful gift from God. It is a kind of Garden of Eden that God regularly invites us into. Rest is counterfeited because it is a deep and universal human hunger. Rest is valuable! Rest is a home for our soul, even in the midst of our busiest work seasons.

 

How then do we learn to resist the enticing cry of these counterfeit calls to rest? I’ve said before that it requires effort to enter into God’s gift of rest. What does that effort look like?

 

One of the main efforts required to enter into God’s gift of rest is the willingness to offer a firm, simple “no” to the strategies of false rest that have become habits for us. We may need the help of a friend or a small group to let our “no” remain a no so our “yes” to God’s gift of rest can grow into a strong one. We can bring our sometimes unacknowledged thirst for true rest into the restful presence of God. Our souls actually want to rest. That is how God made them.

 

Many years ago, during my first eight-day retreat at the Campion Center in the western suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts, I was introduced to a simple yet profound spiritual exercise. I was invited to ask the question “What do I really want?” I was being invited to reflect on what was life-giving and what was life-draining in my experience.

 

At the time, some of the desires that arose in me were mundane and unimpressive. I wanted pizza because I was bored with the cafeteria menu. I wanted to be back in California because I missed Gem, my home, and my own bed. But I also became aware of deeper desires that bubbled up as I lingered with this exercise. I wanted to help people see and follow the unhurried ways of Jesus. That idea eventually became my first book.

 

In this spirit, I recommend trying a version of this exercise when it comes to work and rest. The four questions you might ask yourself are:

 

What is life-giving in my work?
What is life-draining in my work?
What is life-giving in my rest?
What is life-draining in my rest?

 

That last question could expose habits of counterfeit rest that, instead of refreshing and renewing us, are keeping us stuck in unhealthy habits of restlessness and weariness.

 

There are ways we seek rest that instead drain us. Counterfeit rest makes sparkly promises that in the end it cannot keep. Real rest tends to be more unassuming and at the same time more effective.

 

For Reflection:

Why not revisit the four questions I mentioned about what might be life-giving or life-draining in your work or your rest? What insights do you gain in this? Is there an invitation in this to which you’d like to respond?

 

Image by Penny from Pixabay

UL #273: A Non-Anxious Life (Michael John Cusick)

 

“Anything you could do in anxiety, you could do a lot better in peace.” That’s something Dallas Willard said. And it became one of the seeds that grew into my latest book with InterVarsity Press: A Non-Anxious Life: Experiencing the Peace of God’s Presence. It has been the most personal and most difficult book I’ve written so far. And it releases tomorrow!  

 

I wonder what your anxiety has been like over these last few years. I have to admit that this has been one of the most anxiety-provoking seasons of my life. So writing this book was not a theoretical research project. It was a personal quest for life lived with the Prince of Peace at the center of it. I’m grateful to be able to share with you what I’ve learned.  

 

This episode is a look at A Non-Anxious Life in a conversation with Michael John Cusick of Restoring the Soul.  Welcome to the Unhurried Living podcast.