Sandy Walker's Blog, page 9

Wishing Upon A Star

When you wish upon a star,

Makes no difference who you are.

When you wish upon a star,

Your dreams will come true.

Don’t you wish it was that easy? Just wish upon a star – kind of like the law of attraction. Just set your intentions and magically they’ll just appear.

Most of us have tried that and yeah, well, it didn’t happen that way.

However, you CAN become a Real Boy (or Girl) like Pinnochio did. Ever feel like you are kind of “wooden” in your heart? Like you can’t really feel things like other people do?

Maybe you’ve worked so hard to protect yourself that now NO ONE can get in and that worries you. Funny how that happens, huh?

You decide that you’ll never trust anyone again … and then you meet someone you’d like to trust. But now you can’t. You find that you are “stuck” somehow and you’re heart won’t open up to them. That fortress of self-protection you built is so strong that now even you can’t get through it.

Uh-oh. Now what?

You don’t have to wish upon a star & hope something “magical” just happens for you. It’s not like that.

YOU can actually make some choices that will open your heart. Yeah, really. It might be unfamiliar territory and you might feel a little uncomfortable doing it. But if you want to, if you really want to, it can be done.

Want to know how? It’s not going to be easy – are you sure you’re up for this? Better think about it for a moment. You’ve been protecting your heart a very, very long time. It will be unfamiliar to choose to trust another person and let them inside your heart.

But it is SOOOO worth it … if it’s the right person. YOU can actually FEEL loved if you do pull down that wall. Really. I bet you never felt truly loved before. In fact, I think it might be impossible to feel truly loved if you have walls that keep others out. If you never let people see the real you, then when they say they love you – you know in your heart that they don’t love the REAL you because they’ve never seen it. And they’ve never seen it because you’re too afraid to show it to them. So they love what they THINK is you, but deep in your heart you wonder if they would still love you if they saw the REAL you, right?

So, anyway, you can feel truly loved if you let down that wall.

Are you ready? I’m not going to detail the whole process – that would take a book. Check out my books page if you’re interested in going deeper. Today, I’m only going to give you the first step … here it is.

Honestly, if you will begin to forgive those that you know you’ve locked away in your heart, you will actually set yourself free from your own walls. It’s not easy – I told you that. But oh will you feel better – I promise! You will feel such a weight lift off of you – you will wonder why you didn’t do this sooner. Here’s some inspiration -

So, if you are ready to be happy – just do it! Your heart will thank you. I promise.

Feel free to post your comments below. If you’d like to contact me privately to help you work through this forgiveness thing (a LOT of people need help with that – you’re not alone), send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Overcome Fear – Who Me?

Fear is an epidemic in our world today. Every day the news media reminds us how scary the world is. There are so many things that are beyond our control and they scare us – natural disasters, sudden violence and financial instability to name a few.

What scares you? What causes anxiety for you? What makes you nervous?

I’ve created a “heart exercise” that can help you overcome 1 fear. Overcoming fear is like pulling weeds in the garden – the most effective way to remove them is to pull them by hand, one-by-one. So, just do it. Pick one fear you have and do this exercise with me. You’ll notice a difference in your life. I promise. Then come back and do it again with a different fear. Keep removing each fear that you can identify and in time you’ll notice how much better you feel. Even when others are overwhelmed with anxiety and afraid to move forward, you’ll feel confident. You’ll be surprised how different you feel – things that used to freak you out won’t have the same effect anymore. I’ve seen it in my own life as I’ve done this exercise.

Try it out – you won’t be disappointed.

Here’s the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zBuC81qEF4

Feel free to post in the comments what you experienced in the exercise. You can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Overcome Your Biggest Obstacle – Yourself!

I was invited to be a guest blogger by Tara Husband over at Edgy Social Media. She asked me to write a post aimed at creative types – artists, entrepeneurs, musicians, etc. Here’s the beginning of the article – click the link to read the rest.

Enjoy!

Overcome Your Biggest Obstacle – Yourself!

Do you know you can have the best, most creative ideas for business and yet sabotage them by what you say to yourself? You can be a brilliant artist, songwriter, musician or entrepreneur and yet be locked in a daily battle of fear and insecurity. You may have been told in the past that you weren’t that smart or talented or you didn’t quite “fit in”. Guess what? You BELIEVED it! That’s what is holding you back from pursuing your destiny, from entering “the zone”, from discovering that next big money-making idea.

To continue reading – click here.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

The Gardening Approach to Personal Transformation

“I can do it!”

“I have what it takes.”

“I am a good person.”

“I am talented and creative.”

Personal affirmations like the ones above are touted by most self-help gurus. They tell us to say these things to ourselves every day, emphasizing that you should look in the mirror when you say them.

I’m not knocking that – positive affirmations are definitely better than what most of us hear in our heads. Things like …

“How could you say something so stupid?”

“I’ll never make it. I’m a failure.”

“I’ll never be happy. This all there is to life and I’m miserable.”

Those gurus tell us that if we monitor our negative “self-talk” and replace it with positive affirmations, our lives will change dramatically.

The problem is – it doesn’t usually work so well. Have you ever tried those positive affirmations and while you are reading them, your heart says to you, “Yeah, right.” The words feel empty – lacking the power of transformation. Your mind says, “Who are you kidding? You think saying these statements is going to magically make them true?”

You see where I’m going with this.

So what can be done? I discovered a few years ago that part of the reason why positive affirmations don’t work very well is that the negative statements we believe about ourselves are anchored by emotional experiences. As long as the emotional anchor is still there, no amount of pretty words is going to remove it.

In many cases, those negative statements were said to us when we were emotionally vulnerable – by someone we admired or loved (i.e. parent, teacher, coach). Sometimes we said them to ourselves when we felt rejected by someone else.

We’ve got to deal with the emotional anchor – the memory of the pain – before we can let go of the negative statement and replace it with a positive one. I am amazed that a lot of self-help books skip this part. It is critical to successful transformation!

To see an example of what I mean, you can check out the Lie Detector exercise I posted a little while ago. In order to remove the negative statement (the lie) you believe about yourself, you’ve got to get to the root. Just like in gardening, if you cut a weed at the base but leave the roots in the ground, guess what will happen? The weed will grow back – just like those negative thoughts. You have to dig into the dirt and pull the weed up by the roots. What’s nice is that when you do that, it leaves a little hole for the new seed to be planted. That’s where the positive affirmation comes in. The last step on the Lie Detector exercise is to ask for the truth you need to hear. I often have my clients make a list of the truths they receive when they do this exercise – they usually do it several times a week. That becomes a list of positive affirmations for them to read out loud each day. Because the lie has been completely uprooted, the truth has room to take root and grow inside them. Then personal transformation happens – EVERY TIME.

Are you ready to start your journey toward transformation? Contact me for coaching or check out one of my books for “self-coaching”.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Connected or Disconnected?

A friend of mine was an avid Facebook poster – she would often remark on my posts and “like” my photos. Her posts were encouraging and supportive. I loved seeing her online. She was, like many people today, very involved in her social networks. It helped her stay in touch with friends, especially after the birth of her first child. Anyone who has had a child knows that children have a direct effect on your social life, so Facebook, Pinterest and news sites kept her up to date on what was happening in the world.

A funny thing happened. Just after her son’s first birthday, he started a new behavior. Whenever she would check her phone for updates from Facebook or other sites, he would slap the phone in her hand. At first, she thought it was cute. Until he started doing it every time she picked up her phone. Not yet old enough to communicate with words, he found a way to tell his mom, “It’s time to disconnect.”

She decided Facebook was the biggest culprit. She left a post saying she was going offline and encouraged friends to call her if they wanted to communicate.

This week she said to me in an email, “I have enjoyed my disconnect from Facebook more than I anticipated. I feel more connected to everything by ridding myself of that particular attachment. I have expanded my technological fast to other areas and as a result, I am feeling more connected Spiritually than before.”

That really spoke to me. Are we becoming Disconnected from our true selves (our spirits) by being so connected to technology? What do you think?

Many people report a sense of relief when they are forced to be “technology free” for a day or a weekend. Even those that considered themselves “workaholics”.

Our souls need a break.

My friend continued with a cute anecdote of how her son (LJ) pointed her in the right direction. “I was reading a study about how technology (and our attachment to it) is rewiring the structure of our brains and how we process and perceive information. This scared the hell out of me. As I was sitting there pondering my brain being rewired by my constant need to be on the iPhone, LJ (the current greatest teacher in my life) handed me a novel that I had been meaning to read for years. I was instantly reminded of my love for historical novels and how long it has been since I immersed myself in one. The answer suddenly became clear to me: I need a break.”

Obviously at age one, LJ has no idea what book her handed to her. Was this a “coincidence” or a message for her heart to hear? She took it as a message and it prompted her to even further disconnect in order to Reconnect with her true self.

Ready for the challenge?

If you have the courage or the curiosity, I suggest you try a “technological fast” for 24 hours. Fast as much as you can during that 24 hours – no email, text, Facebook, Internet sites, television, videos, movies, video games, etc. – basically avoid anything with a screen. Remember what the world looks like face-to-face.

You might be refreshingly surprised by how much more you enjoy life – disconnected from distraction and reconnected to your spirit.

How about you? How many times a day do you check your phone for messages? Being constantly connected becomes addictive. Do you think you have what it takes to try the technological fast?

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Forgiveness: Key to Your Destiny

What’s in your heart determines your destiny. Destiny is not WHAT you do, it is WHO you are because everything you DO comes out of WHO you are.

In order to follow your destiny, you’ve got to have access to your whole heart. If part of your heart is “tied up” or “locked away”, then you are limited in what you can be or do. Have you ever thought of that?

When we hold onto a grudge against someone, we think we are making them “pay” for what they did to us. But in reality, the other person doesn’t feel a thing. By holding onto the past, we tie up or lock away a part of own heart. It binds US up, not the other person.

Choosing to forgive opens up that cell where part of your heart is stuck in the past. When I work with clients, I often address the issue of forgiveness. Almost always when they feel “stuck”, we discover something from their past that is holding them back. When they choose to forgive, they are often quite surprised to discover how much freer THEY feel. They didn’t expect that forgiveness could be their key to freedom.

When you hit a wall and feel like you can’t go forward in your destiny, when you feel “blocked” as an artist or in any creative pursuit, consider if there’s someone you need to forgive. It’s not always obvious – sometimes it’s something from so far back that you don’t remember right away.

I developed some “heart exercises” to identify who you need to forgive so you can remove these blockages. I use these myself regularly. When I started sharing them with others, I got so many requests for them that I put them in a book. It’s here if you want to check it out.

Part of the challenge is figuring out what is blocking your path. Is it a lie you believe about yourself? Or a lie about someone else that’s blocking you? Is it a fear that’s holding you back? Figuring out what the blockage is and then knowing how to remove it is a critical life skill. I do this with my coaching clients. It’s a skill I can teach you, if you’re interested. Some people tell me they have learned this skill from reading my books. Either way, you owe it to yourself to find the key to YOUR destiny. No one else will do it for you.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website http://www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 3

This is a continuation from a previous post which you can read here (start with Part 1).

In the last post, you read the story of Amanda – an example of how believing a lie can really affect your quality of life.

So what Lies do you believe? Have you been thinking about this?

Here’s a real good indicator that you may believe a lie – look for fear, anxiety, worry or stress. Start with the negative fruit that a lie brings you and you’ll generally be on the right path.

Most of the lies we believe are things we don’t even think about – we just assume our perspective on the world is accurate and we base our decisions on this assumption. Because of this, I’ve discovered (by working with my coaching clients) that we need a way to access these unconscious distortions that does not rely on our ability to identify them.

I’ve developed the following “heart exercise” to help my clients identify lies they believe – specifically about themselves. And it works. People are astounded at the lies they uncover and the truth they receive when they do this exercise. Try it yourself! Then post in the comments what you experienced. I’d love to hear about it.

This exercise and others like it are in my book, Freedom through Forgiveness. You can read an excerpt here – it’s about forgiveness, which is foundational to how/why this exercise “works”. If you are not sure about choosing to forgive, I recommend you read that excerpt first. It makes all the difference.

Step: Lie Detector: Self Concept

Go to a place where you will not be interrupted. Take a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly to help you relax and to quiet your mind.

Say these statements/questions out loud and then wait for an answer. An answer may come as a feeling, a thought, a picture in your mind, a word, a memory or just an inner knowing. You can do this alone or with a friend. If no answer comes to the first question, go to a different step – this may not be the right time for this step.

“Spirit of Truth, is there a lie I believe about myself?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“Who taught me that lie?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“I forgive (name) for teaching me this lie. I forgive myself for receiving this lie and allowing it to influence my thoughts. I release myself from this lie. I give it up and let it go.”

“What truth do I need to hear?” (pause and wait for an answer)

“I receive the truth that (the truth).”

Note: We refer to the “Spirit of Truth” as a means to access the clarity or insight needed. Many people find that this method helps them obtain information that may not be readily available to their conscious mind.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 2

This is a continuation from the previous post which you can read here (Part 1).

So we all believe lies – we just don’t realize it. Lies have power if you believe them.

Let me give you an example from someone I know personally. Amanda had a good job at a large corporation. In time, she was promoted to a new position. However, in this new position she was required to give presentations before a group of her peers and supervisors periodically. She was terrified of public speaking. This was a big deal to her. Her first presentation left her sweating and miserable! Her stomach was full of butterflies and she was sweating so profusely that she was very embarrassed by how wet her clothes were. It was noticeable to her coworkers and they commented on it.

She seriously considered going back to her old position because she HATED giving presentations. We talked about it. I asked her why she hated it so much. She said, “I don’t want to look like a dork!”

This was an accomplished professional woman – what made her think she would look like a “dork” by giving a presentation? We did one of the “heart exercises” from my book together to find out. She discovered that she developed this fear of public speaking from a distortion she believed about herself – a conclusion she came to in middle school. Can you believe that? She came to a faulty conclusion about herself and about “how life works” when she was 13 years old and it was still holding her back in her thirties!

Yet, no one had ever asked her what she believed about herself. She never even thought about it. It was simply her view of the world and of herself. She assumed she saw things clearly.

That Lie was majorly distorting her ability to do her job and enjoy it. It was creating a LOT of stress for her and making her very anxious. She was miserable – all because of a little lie she believed.

Thankfully, she was ready to give up that lie and find out the truth – which is not always easy, you know? We did the “heart exercise” and she got the truth she needed. The next time she did a presentation, I was eager to hear how it went. She called me as soon as she got back to her desk. She was thrilled! She did her presentation very well without a glitch and she didn’t even sweat a drop!

The Lies you believe about yourself are very powerful – they are also very sneaky. You don’t even realize they are there. And yet they can really wreck your life.

Ready to find out if there are any Lies you believe? If so, stay tuned. I’ll post one of the Lie Detector exercises in the near future – probably this week. There are several Lie Detector exercises – if you want to have access to them all, then check out my book, Freedom through Forgiveness.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

What Lies Do You Believe? Part 1

Today’s Truth: Lies only have power if you believe them.

Seems pretty simple, right? Of course, lies only have power if you believe them. The question is – What Lies do YOU believe?

If you are reading this blog, I can assure you that right now you are believing lies. You don’t even realize it. You believe lies about yourself, about your family, about your friends, about your job, about your boss, about your coworkers and even about God.

Wow. How do I know this? Because we all believe distortions of the truth (aka Lies). I’ve never met someone who didn’t believe a lie about themselves and about others. We pick up these distortions throughout our lives – it just happens. It starts with our view of how or why things happen – we begin to form these opinions as a child. Since our reasoning is not yet mature, we come up with all kinds of “mis-truths”. We get a little bit of truth with a little bit of error. When you do that, it becomes a distortion of the truth, an inaccurate view of what is really happening.

The problem is – we don’t realize that our version of reality is somewhat skewed. We never question it. No one asks us about it. It is just the way we see the world.

The problem is – if you believe something that is not true about the world, about yourself, about relationships, about anything – it affects your ability to make good decisions. If your data is bad, your conclusions will be faulty. As a result, your life doesn’t work as it should. There’s unnecessary conflict and stress in your life – all because of those lousy lies you believe.

So how do you find out if you believe any lies?

I have a simple little exercise called the Lie Detector. It’s in my book, Freedom through Forgiveness. I’ll go more into this in a future post. Here it is in a quick summary.

1. You query a source of truth that can verify if what you believe is true or not.

2. You uproot the source of the lie you believe. You shift your thinking about this area.

3. You find out what’s really true and you incorporate it into your thinking.

Seems pretty simple, right? It’s actually a little more challenging than you think it is – especially point 3. This is the point I emphasize the most to my clients because they assume it is easy – until life proves them wrong.

If this topic intrigues you, if you want to get your life on a firmer foundation of reality (versus the Lies you believe), then stay tuned. I’ll post more on this soon.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

Looking for wisdom?

Wanted to post a quick update – many of you who follow my blog may not be aware that I also send out a newsletter. It’s a short monthly note to help you become your best self with simple, practical steps you can take today. The topic for March is: Wisdom – How do you get it?

Though not as deep as the blog, the newsletter gets you moving in the right direction. It’s simple, practical and easy to read quickly.

If you’d like to sign up, scroll to the bottom of this page and enter your name and email address. Just takes a second!

Wisdom will come to those who ask for it – did you know that? Try it – it works!