Sandy Walker's Blog, page 11

Feeling empty?

I feel empty. Do you?

Do you ever allow the crazy busyness of your life to slow down enough to realize how incredibly empty you feel inside?

Some people run from this feeling – through alcohol, drugs, being a workaholic, etc.

Some people are overwhelmed by this feeling and they become depressed or worse.

What do you do with this feeling of emptiness? How do you manage it? Why is it there?

My feeling of emptiness feels like the Grand Canyon inside. Like I have this immense capacity that needs to be filled and most of the time, it isn’t. Can you relate?

And nothing satisfies this emptiness – have you noticed? You can stay busy and ignore it. You can try to fill it with work, money, entertainment, relationships, cars, houses, fashion, hobbies, children, etc. – but it never feels satisfied.

I have never found any natural substance that can fill this vacuum.

So I turned to the “supernatural” – that unseen realm we are told exists just outside our natural senses of awareness. People try meditating, yoga, special exercises to calm the mind and body. It certainly reduces your stress, but fill that void? Haven’t found one that does that yet.

How do YOU fill that void? Or do you do what everyone else does and just stay busy so you won’t feel the pain of emptiness? Denial only works for so long … eventually our awareness of that vacuum arises again.

I figured out why it’s there for – at least for me. And I figured out what to do with it. But knowing and doing are two different things.

For me, this gnawing emptiness is there to remind me that there’s more to this life than what meets the eye. That there is a realm beyond our natural possibilities that invites us to be more than we ever believed possible. And it draws me daily to chase after the only thing that I have found that satisfies.

I want more of what fills this place. I’ve got to have it to survive. So I pursue daily. Sometimes a little bit, sometimes a lot. I wake up at night with this longing for MORE. Almost like a drug addict, I can’t live without that connection, that intimacy with something greater than myself. That sense of Being that resonates throughout the universe. That Cause greater than ourselves.

We all feel it calling to us … we just don’t always respond or know how to. It calls us to our best selves. To be more than we ever dreamed possible. To care more that we are comfortable caring. To BE more than we have ever given ourselves permission to BE. It’s an unstoppable Force that is carrying along our entire universe yet it focuses on each one of us personally, drawing us in, calling to us in the night.

You know you’ve felt it. We all have. I call it “God” for lack of a better word. Though that word has been defined so many different ways that I hesitate to use it. But no other concept compares. This Big, Undefinable, Huge, Mysterious Force that calls us to Love and to BE things that seem totally beyond our ability. I call it “God”.

So, if you ever see me refer to “God” in my posts, you’ll know that’s what I am referring to. Not some religious concept on stained glass windows or chanted by a devotee of some system of rules. No, this is much, much bigger than anything I’ve ever encountered in manmade systems or structures.

I ask again: Do you ever allow the crazy busyness of your life to slow down enough to realize how incredibly empty you feel inside? What do YOU do with that feeling?

It’s driving me crazy right now … can’t get enough of what I need to be satisfied, to fill this Grand Canyon size hole in my soul. I must have MORE.

 

Intuition Exercise

In my last post, I discussed the importance of paying attention to your intuition. In this one, I will share with you an exercise I developed for helping someone make decisions based on their intuition (aka listening to your gut).

How to Practice Listening to Your Gut

Place one hand on your stomach, just above your belly button.

Focus on the area beneath your hand – that is your gut. Very often when we get a “gut instinct” about a person or a decision, we feel something in this region of our body. Some people describe it as “peace” or “relaxed” or “comfortable” when the gut agrees with what you are doing. When the gut does not agree, people say they feel a “tightness” or “fear” or a “bad feeling”.

Think about a decision you need to make. Come up with 2 options regarding the decision. For instance,

I want to take this job offer.
I do not want to take this job offer.

or if regarding a person,

I want to spend time with this person.
I do not want to spend time with this person.

You can come up with any two options that are appropriate to your situation.

Close your eyes. Take several deep breaths, slowly. Allow your mind to quiet down. Focus on your breath as it goes in and out.

Focus on the area underneath your hand – not physically, but emotionally or “internally”.

Say each of your options out loud. Say them one at a time and say them slowly. See if there is any difference in your gut. Do you have more peace regarding one option versus the other? Or do you a have a “bad feeling” about one of them?

If you don’t get a clear answer, try this process again on a different day. Sometimes timing is a factor in trusting your gut. You might not need to know the answer today. Tomorrow might provide more information and give you a clearer answer.

Many people have said that when they trust their gut, they make decisions that are good for them and that seem like the right thing to do. However, when they ignore that “gut feeling”, they often regret the decisions they made. Later it becomes clear that they should have followed their gut!

Research has shown that there is a very dense concentration of nerves that cover this area of the stomach, almost as complex as the nerves in your brain. Some have said this is your “second brain” to help you make wise decisions. Pay attention to what it is telling you.

If you’d like some help with learning to listen to your gut or intuition, please contact me. I offer affordable one-on-one coaching, in person or over the phone, to help people learn how to make decisions that are good for them. This is an essential life skill – it would be wise for you to develop it. It is also wisdom to know when you need help and to ask for it.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

 

Sandy Walker is a Freedom Coach who works with clients in person or by telephone anywhere they are. To find out more, visit www.destinysfreedom.com or contact Sandy .

Develop Your Intuition

Developing your intuition is a very important skill for life. Those that pay attention to their intuition lead lives that are more satisfying than those that don’t. How do I know? When I teach on this topic, I ask the audience, “How many of you have ignored your intuition and later suffered the consequences of that decision?” People always raise their hands and if asked, they tell stories of heartache and loss that they encountered as a result of ignoring their intuition.

Intuition is very important – it gives you information that is in addition to the five senses you use every day when navigating the world around you. This added information can mean the difference between life and death sometimes. Other times, it offers direction or protection against danger. Ask those you trust for their stories about intuition – you’ll be surprised how important it is and yet we never receive specific training in how to develop it, much less any encouragement to pay attention to it.

Intuition reminds me of the character Jiminy Cricket in the animated film Pinocchio. Do you remember that little guy who would advise Pinocchio and help to keep him out of trouble? That’s a pretty good visual of what your intuition does. Whenever Pinocchio listened to Jiminy, everything went well. When he ignored him, he got into a lot of trouble … remember the whale?

If you’d like to develop your intuition, start by paying more attention to it. People often comment by saying, “I had a bad feeling about that.” or similar sentiments. Intuition is sometimes felt in your physical body. Other times it comes as an inner “knowing”. Someone might say, “I just knew I couldn’t trust that man!” How did they know? Intuition.

We all experience it to one degree or another. The more you pay attention to it, the more sensitive you become to what it is trying to tell you. Listen, respond and take action on the information it gives you. If you have a bad feeling about a person, then don’t associate with them. If going to a certain place makes you uncomfortable, don’t go there anymore. If a decision you are making doesn’t “feel right”, then don’t make that decision right now. Wait for more information or choose a different direction.

We often argue with our intuition. We compare what our five senses are telling us (i.e. he looks like a nice person) with what our gut is telling us (i.e. don’t trust him). Every time you ignore your gut instinct, you will suffer negative consequences.

It also works with positive scenarios. If you are choosing between two job offers and one makes you feel happy or excited, that may be your gut telling you to take that job. Think it over carefully to make sure you are not being too idealistic and if you still feel really drawn to one job over the other, then choose that job.

There are exercises you can do to strengthen your intuition. Later this week I will post one I use with my clients. It is worth your time and effort to develop this skill – it can save you a lot of heartache and headaches over a lifetime of decisions. Ignore it to your peril!

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

What do you wish you were free from?

What do you wish you were free from?

What bothers you the most about your life? Are you anxious all the time? Do you feel a little awkward in social settings?

Do you wish you had more confidence?

Do you feel inadequate at work? In your romantic relationship? As a parent?

Where do you sense that you just don’t “measure up”?

I have been working with people for many years – helping them find freedom from what stands in their way. What’s bothering you? What’s holding you back from moving forward with your life?

Are you having a hard time in letting go of the past? Do you wish you could just move on with your life?

Working with a Freedom Coach can help!

What benefits can you receive from freedom coaching?

- a safe place to process your thoughts, without fear of judgment

- confidentiality in handling personal matters

- expert advice, if requested

- unconditional acceptance and support

- insight to help you identify and remove obstacles that may be holding you back

- a sounding board for new ideas you are considering

Talking to a Freedom Coach is like having a best friend and an expert all in one. Someone who will listen to you objectively and then will help you decide what is best for YOU. A Freedom Coach has no vested interest in your issues (as opposed to a friend or family member who wants you to do what THEY think is best). A Freedom Coach listens carefully, reflects back to you what she hears you saying and then presents various options you could choose in making the right decision for YOU. You decide what’s best for you – no one makes this decision for you.

When talking things over with friends and family, you may often feel pressured to do what they want you to do. You may not feel free to really say what you are thinking or feeling because you know they won’t agree or might not understand. A Freedom Coach is a neutral party – she is not overly concerned about how you live your life – she will give you the freedom to make your own choices.

How is coaching different from therapy?

A  Freedom Coach works with people who are mentally healthy. Clients are able to cope with day to day life – they work or go to school, etc. They are handling life, but they want something MORE. They are dissatisfied and want to find fulfillment in some area of life. They might be unhappy in their marriage/relationship, they might be interested in a new career or they may need support in dealing with family conflicts. Often they are convinced that life could be better for them if they just got some help. That’s where a  Freedom Coach comes in.

I’ve been helping people for over 20 years find freedom from whatever they want freedom from. It’s not that hard, but it may feel overwhelming to try and do it yourself. Having a coach gives you the support you need to make the changes you KNOW you want to make.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com. My rates are reasonable – you’ll be surprised how affordable it is!

Have a great day!

Finding Your Destiny – Part 2

Q: How will you know when you’ve found your destiny?

Most people report a deep sense of internal rest, a sense of being at home in their skin, a lack of underlying striving or anxiety. People who are fulfilling their destiny say they have a sense of Purpose that accompanies their daily routine – they do not suffer from a lack of direction. Others report a sense of being energized, of waking up joyful and ready to take on the challenges of a new day – every day.

Another characteristic of those who are fulfilling their destiny is that what they do has impact – a good, positive impact on others. They are no longer ‘spinning their wheels’ – doing things that never seem to amount to much. They are satisfied in their labor and see good results from what they do. They may not experience constant success, but even setback are not experienced as something ‘terrible’, but rather as a step toward progress.

Steps you can take toward finding your destiny:

1. Be honest with yourself. It’s time to stop trying to live up to the expectations of your parents, your significant other, your children or your boss. Think honestly about who you are and where you are in life. To get a more objective perspective, talk it over with someone who has known you for a long time who will be honest with you. Become aware of your strengths, your weaknesses, your personality type, what gives you energy and what saps your strength. Become accepting of yourself – this is a process and you might need help with it. Be willing to ask for help.

2. Be honest with others. Practice being genuine and authentic in your daily interactions with those around you. Don’t be fake anymore. Don’t pretend. Be who you are. Set boundaries of mutual respect in your relationships. As you are expressing who you are, make sure you keep the next point in mind.

3. Choose love. Be kind to others. Be patient with their shortcomings. Be forgiving in your daily interactions – give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Do to others what you would like done for you. Shift out of your self-centered view of life. Notice the needs of others – help when you can, recognize when you can’t and then let it go.

4. Be patient with the process. It takes time to become the person you are meant to be. The raw material is there, but it takes a significant amount of time and effort to cultivate it, shape it and practice it in order for it to manifest on a daily basis. Give yourself time to make the changes you need to make in your thought patterns, emotions, interactions with others, etc. Let go of your expectations of what it should look like or how long it should take. It takes as long as it takes. This is not a race – this is a journey.

5. Become comfortable with the unknown. Each person’s path is unique – no one can give you a road map to follow in finding your destiny. Pieces of the puzzle don’t come all at once – you get them one at a time and often they don’t seem to match at first. Allow for mystery – don’t get uptight if something doesn’t make sense. If it is important, it will eventually fit into place. If it is not, it will fade away. It is okay to not have all the answers. The answers will come as you ask, seek, knock, observe, reflect, examine. And they will come when you need them, not necessarily when you want them.

 

Ponder these steps. If you want some help with this process, I offer one-on-one coaching to help you discover who you are and why you are here.

Feel free to comment below. You can contact me privately through my website www.destinysfreedom.com or send me an email at blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.

Finding Your Destiny – Part 1

It’s time to take the journey!

What are you passionate about? What stirs your heart? What do you lie awake at night thinking about? What do you daydream about when you are alone with your thoughts?  Is that your destiny?

Many people refer to being “called” to do something – feed the poor, take care of the environment, work with the disadvantaged, develop socially conscious companies, etc. Is that the same thing as destiny?

From my understanding of destiny – no. Destiny is not what you do – Destiny is WHO you are. Once you find your destiny, what you do will flow out of that. Often people get confused when they look for their destiny – they think they are looking for something to DO that will give them a sense of purpose. But the doing cannot come about until you know who you are.

We spend much of our time in childhood being corrected and told to “grow up”. We spend our teen years trying to fit in and be “like everybody else”. By the time we are an adult, do we even know who we really are?

When clients contact me to discuss how to find their destiny, I tell them that the journey starts with Self-discovery without judgment. The foundation to taking this journey is Self-Acceptance. For most, this is a very large barrier to overcome before they can embark on the journey of Self-discovery. Self-Acceptance must be cultivated for a period of time until it is part of your being – then you can work on finding your destiny and fulfilling it.

So to start on the path of finding your destiny, ask yourself, “Who am I?” Many people I’ve worked with have no idea how to answer that question. For some, they identify with their career (i.e. I am an office manager). For others, their identity is tied up in their relationships (i.e. I am Sam’s wife, I am Vicky’s mother, I am Thelma’s son). But none of these descriptions tell me who YOU are. They are a start, but you must go much deeper.

What do you like? What do you dislike? What are your core values – the ones that guide your decisions? What makes you – YOU?

Ponder these questions. If you want some help with this process, I offer one-on-one coaching to help you discover who you are and why you are here on planet Earth.

Feel free to comment below. To contact me privately, you can go to my website or send an email to: blog (at) destinysfreedom.com.