Jen Mann's Blog, page 40
January 12, 2013
Weekly Wrap Up 1.12.12
The new Pinterest board I started last week is really going well. Do you follow me on Pinterest yet? What are you waiting for? It's ah-MAY-zing. Seriously, Pinterest is great. I pin funny stuff. I pin recipes I'll never make. I pin crafts I've made with my kids. I pin books I want to read. My new board is all about bloggers I like. I've invited a bunch that I read and I've opened it to the public. Anyone can join - let me know if you want in. I figure it's an easier way to keep track of blogs without overwhelming my Google Reader, plus this way I can share them with my Pinterest followers.
I'm having a Twitter party this Sunday. Actually, every Sunday. Every Sunday night at 9 PM EST log on to Twitter and look for me @throat_punch or follow #spikedpunch. It's a fun time with a bunch of hysterical people chatting about absolute nonsense. For those of you who are worried Twitter moves too fast, etc. You're right. It does. However, you get better at it the more you do it. I can actually keep up with half the conversation now and I can last an hour before my head explodes. This Sunday I'm shooting for an hour and a half.
Top Read Posts This Week:
People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook - We are all guilty of it, just some more than others.
The Best Wedding Present I Received - I'm pretty sure my grandma went to a sex shop for my gift.
Would This Happen at Target? - Only Wally World has these kinds of problems.
Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party - Yes, there's another stupid trend in parties.
I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome - I'm being held captive, but I think I'm in love with my captor.
Book Update:
Sales of my book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat are still going strong. I think my suggestion of making this book a Valentine's Day present is starting to sink in with the husbands and boyfriends who read this blog. Trust me, fellas, your girls are going to love this book.
If you have read the book and you haven't already left me a review on Amazon I would greatly appreciate it.
My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):
This is awesome! My focus is on Joni. I need her to replace a few of my facebook friends, please. Some of my people get uptight when I share an ecard with the word 'hell' or 'damn', I can not even think of sharing anything with 'fuck'....damnit. If a vibrator discussion showed up I think there would be some deaths among my facebook friends. So yeah, I need her! My MIL gave me lingerie, fairly conservitive - appropriate. It was not weird, like your thing. LOL! Devan on The Best Wedding Present I Received
This sex kit has been passed around for years and then your cousin finally cracked it open. Hmm.. I wonder if edible underwear has an expiration date... on The Best Wedding Present I Received
I'd like to add people who overshare their medical problems to the list. I have a friend who feels the need to not only tell us all about her medical problems(and they are extensive)but also posts pictures of her open wounds and xrays.I had to take her off my feed because I never knew when a gross picture would pop up and make me throw up in my mouth a little. I'd love to unfriend her because she is a whole bag of drama,but she's also my next door neighbor and our kids play together. At least she's stopped coming over to tell me her problems in person since her claustrophobia has kicked in. onPeople Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I do it all the time. Most people hate me. I'm ok with that. on People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I'm totally guilty of number 1 which seems to occur fairly frequently as I have 6 kids. I mentor (and have as friends on facebook) a number of university students so I rationalize my vomit posts by saying they're reminding these women to use birth control. on People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I really think you need to have an IUD ultrasound party. When's your birthday? I'll start working on the invitations. on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
Since I don't plan on having kids, I'm feeling kind of shafted over here with these party ideas. Can I have an MRI party every time they scan my brain? We can all eat brain-shaped jello. I'll have to remember this when I have my first colonoscopy too. I'll be serving laxative-laced brownies and we can all have a race to the toilet. Loser is on clean-up duty. So many possible party games! on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
Is the new game "Guess How Dilated"? on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
I was infatuated with you at Christmas Elf. Then I have to admit, I moved on to other blog crushes, then to self satisfying myself with my own blog. This post made me fall back in Blog Love with you, the second I saw this thumbnail pic.WHY?? Well, because I too have drawn on steamy shower doors. I actually spelled out what your finger is saying. My hubs wanted to have a talk about the budget while I was shampooing. That deserves a big F U! (Or punch) Thanks for writing this post. It could not have come at a better time, as husband annoyance around the house is a big one for me. How can a 2 story house give you no where to hide? Great Post Jen! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I just recently started following your stuff and love it great job!! This quote you made is hilarious!!! We should all write naughty books, because holy shit, those suckers sell! After reading 50 Shades, I'm not sure it would be that hard. I'm going to take The Hunger Games and sex it up. The arena will be filled with sex toys and whoever can...satisfy...all their opponents wins. I'll need a Thesaurus, though, because I can't think of too many ways to say "throbbing." I am going to find a way to pin it :)) on 50 Shades of Grey - The PIWTPITT Review
Hello Jen- I LOVE YOU!! Totally in a non stalker fashion. I am a therapist who works with teens. I think you are genius. Thank God for you. I love to laugh, good grammar and "real" content. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :) on Contact Me
I had to read this post one more time as I am headed to my date with Don Wand as well. And then had the thought that maybe, just maybe, I should relax and enjoy it since its the most action I get every 3-6 months since possibly 2006:) Thanks for the laughs!! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing
I'm having a Twitter party this Sunday. Actually, every Sunday. Every Sunday night at 9 PM EST log on to Twitter and look for me @throat_punch or follow #spikedpunch. It's a fun time with a bunch of hysterical people chatting about absolute nonsense. For those of you who are worried Twitter moves too fast, etc. You're right. It does. However, you get better at it the more you do it. I can actually keep up with half the conversation now and I can last an hour before my head explodes. This Sunday I'm shooting for an hour and a half.
Top Read Posts This Week:
People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook - We are all guilty of it, just some more than others.
The Best Wedding Present I Received - I'm pretty sure my grandma went to a sex shop for my gift.
Would This Happen at Target? - Only Wally World has these kinds of problems.
Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party - Yes, there's another stupid trend in parties.
I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome - I'm being held captive, but I think I'm in love with my captor.
Book Update:
Sales of my book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat are still going strong. I think my suggestion of making this book a Valentine's Day present is starting to sink in with the husbands and boyfriends who read this blog. Trust me, fellas, your girls are going to love this book.
If you have read the book and you haven't already left me a review on Amazon I would greatly appreciate it.
My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):
This is awesome! My focus is on Joni. I need her to replace a few of my facebook friends, please. Some of my people get uptight when I share an ecard with the word 'hell' or 'damn', I can not even think of sharing anything with 'fuck'....damnit. If a vibrator discussion showed up I think there would be some deaths among my facebook friends. So yeah, I need her! My MIL gave me lingerie, fairly conservitive - appropriate. It was not weird, like your thing. LOL! Devan on The Best Wedding Present I Received
This sex kit has been passed around for years and then your cousin finally cracked it open. Hmm.. I wonder if edible underwear has an expiration date... on The Best Wedding Present I Received
I'd like to add people who overshare their medical problems to the list. I have a friend who feels the need to not only tell us all about her medical problems(and they are extensive)but also posts pictures of her open wounds and xrays.I had to take her off my feed because I never knew when a gross picture would pop up and make me throw up in my mouth a little. I'd love to unfriend her because she is a whole bag of drama,but she's also my next door neighbor and our kids play together. At least she's stopped coming over to tell me her problems in person since her claustrophobia has kicked in. onPeople Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I do it all the time. Most people hate me. I'm ok with that. on People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I'm totally guilty of number 1 which seems to occur fairly frequently as I have 6 kids. I mentor (and have as friends on facebook) a number of university students so I rationalize my vomit posts by saying they're reminding these women to use birth control. on People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook
I really think you need to have an IUD ultrasound party. When's your birthday? I'll start working on the invitations. on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
Since I don't plan on having kids, I'm feeling kind of shafted over here with these party ideas. Can I have an MRI party every time they scan my brain? We can all eat brain-shaped jello. I'll have to remember this when I have my first colonoscopy too. I'll be serving laxative-laced brownies and we can all have a race to the toilet. Loser is on clean-up duty. So many possible party games! on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
Is the new game "Guess How Dilated"? on Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
I was infatuated with you at Christmas Elf. Then I have to admit, I moved on to other blog crushes, then to self satisfying myself with my own blog. This post made me fall back in Blog Love with you, the second I saw this thumbnail pic.WHY?? Well, because I too have drawn on steamy shower doors. I actually spelled out what your finger is saying. My hubs wanted to have a talk about the budget while I was shampooing. That deserves a big F U! (Or punch) Thanks for writing this post. It could not have come at a better time, as husband annoyance around the house is a big one for me. How can a 2 story house give you no where to hide? Great Post Jen! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I just recently started following your stuff and love it great job!! This quote you made is hilarious!!! We should all write naughty books, because holy shit, those suckers sell! After reading 50 Shades, I'm not sure it would be that hard. I'm going to take The Hunger Games and sex it up. The arena will be filled with sex toys and whoever can...satisfy...all their opponents wins. I'll need a Thesaurus, though, because I can't think of too many ways to say "throbbing." I am going to find a way to pin it :)) on 50 Shades of Grey - The PIWTPITT Review
Hello Jen- I LOVE YOU!! Totally in a non stalker fashion. I am a therapist who works with teens. I think you are genius. Thank God for you. I love to laugh, good grammar and "real" content. Thank you from the bottom of my heart :) on Contact Me
I had to read this post one more time as I am headed to my date with Don Wand as well. And then had the thought that maybe, just maybe, I should relax and enjoy it since its the most action I get every 3-6 months since possibly 2006:) Thanks for the laughs!! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing
January 9, 2013
The Best Wedding Present I Received
Last night I went out with the girls for some much needed girl time (this is different than alone time, Hubs).
My mother's group was getting together to talk about New Year's Resolutions. We went around the table where you hear the usual: lose weight, eat healthy, hang up my coat and then there was Joni. "Spice up my marriage. Rawwr." You might remember her from mom's night out at the gun range. Joni is always good for a laugh and it was especially funny to see her Facebook check in from the day before. We had all seen Joni check in to the local sex shop - right after school.
"I had to. It was the only time I had to get over there! Don't worry, hubby picked up the kids. I was alone," she said.
"Why did you go?" someone asked.
"My vibrator died."
"You mean the batteries wore out," I said.
"No. It died. Like just quit working," she explained.
"You're telling me that you blew the motor in your vibrator?" I asked.
"Well . . . yeah. I . . . we . . . it . . . gets used a lot. And like I said, one of my resolutions this year is to spice up my marriage so I thought I'd start at the sex shop!"
That started a whole new conversation!
It reminded me of my wedding. No I didn't go to the sex shop, but for a minute I thought my grandmother did.
The day after our wedding, the Hubs and I had a brunch with friends and family where we opened our gifts. We were working our way through the pile when a small box was handed to me with a card securely taped to the top. I opened the card and it was a lovely card about marriage and the adventures that lay ahead for us, etc., etc., it was from my grandparents. Inside was a check. I opened the gift and it was a Honeymoon Sex Kit complete with edible underwear, feathers, body glitter to lick off of each other, handcuffs and more.
What the hell, Grandma??
Everyone sort of screamed when they saw it. My grandparents have a happy marriage and all, but this was ridiculous.
My mother and her sister started fretting that this was an indication that their mother was going senile.
"Maybe these were in a bin at Big Lots and she just saw 'Honeymoon Kit' and had no idea what she was grabbing," my aunt said.
"Oh God, what if she's giving these out at the bridal showers at her church?" my mother cried. "Jenni, you have to call her and ask her where she got this."
"I don't want to! She's your crazy mother. You call her!"
"Do it!"
They handed me the phone and I called my grandma.
"Hi Grandma."
"Hello Jenni. Congratulations again on your wonderful marriage. I know you'll be so happy."
"Yeah, thanks, Grandma. Hey listen, we're opening presents and we just opened yours. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I hope you can use it." WTF??
"Uh . . . well. I was just wondering. If we wanted more . . . where we would go to get some more?"
"More?"
"Yes. If we ran out. If we used it all."
"Well . . . I guess you'd go to Papa's wallet. That's where we keep the check book. But - "
"OH no! I'm not talking about the money!" Shit, my grandmother thought I was asking for more money!! "No, no, no. Thank you for the money, but I'm talking about the other . . . "
"The other?"
"The package . . . for us . . . on our honeymoon . . ."
"Jenni, I don't understand what you're talking about. You're being very strange. Papa and I gave you a card with a check in it and nothing else."
"CARL!!" my aunt cried.
Carl is their brother and he is a bit of a trickster. (If you've read my book you'll understand that I've come from a long line of smart asses.)
"Oh God, hang up!" my mom yelled.
"Jenni, what in the world is going on?" Now Grandma was getting pissed. She knew something was up, but she couldn't figure out what. "Did you get a gift from us? Tell me what is happening over there! What did you get that you think is from us?"
"Here! She's your mother. You tell her!" I threw the phone at my mom
While my mother hemmed and hawed and stammered her way through an explanation, my aunt called Uncle Carl on her cell phone.
Uncle Carl picked up his phone. "Heh. Heh. Heh," he chuckled. "Did you get our present?"
Uncle Carl's daughter had been in charge of the gift table and together they got us good.
Over the years the "Honeymoon Sex Kit" has reappeared as a wedding shower gift and a Christmas gift for various unsuspecting family members, but a few years ago it disappeared. Another cousin and his wife received it and it's never been seen since . . . they claim it's lost.
Picture: Eden's Fantasy
My mother's group was getting together to talk about New Year's Resolutions. We went around the table where you hear the usual: lose weight, eat healthy, hang up my coat and then there was Joni. "Spice up my marriage. Rawwr." You might remember her from mom's night out at the gun range. Joni is always good for a laugh and it was especially funny to see her Facebook check in from the day before. We had all seen Joni check in to the local sex shop - right after school.
"I had to. It was the only time I had to get over there! Don't worry, hubby picked up the kids. I was alone," she said.
"Why did you go?" someone asked.
"My vibrator died."
"You mean the batteries wore out," I said.
"No. It died. Like just quit working," she explained.
"You're telling me that you blew the motor in your vibrator?" I asked.
"Well . . . yeah. I . . . we . . . it . . . gets used a lot. And like I said, one of my resolutions this year is to spice up my marriage so I thought I'd start at the sex shop!"
That started a whole new conversation!
It reminded me of my wedding. No I didn't go to the sex shop, but for a minute I thought my grandmother did.
The day after our wedding, the Hubs and I had a brunch with friends and family where we opened our gifts. We were working our way through the pile when a small box was handed to me with a card securely taped to the top. I opened the card and it was a lovely card about marriage and the adventures that lay ahead for us, etc., etc., it was from my grandparents. Inside was a check. I opened the gift and it was a Honeymoon Sex Kit complete with edible underwear, feathers, body glitter to lick off of each other, handcuffs and more.
What the hell, Grandma??
Everyone sort of screamed when they saw it. My grandparents have a happy marriage and all, but this was ridiculous.
My mother and her sister started fretting that this was an indication that their mother was going senile.
"Maybe these were in a bin at Big Lots and she just saw 'Honeymoon Kit' and had no idea what she was grabbing," my aunt said.
"Oh God, what if she's giving these out at the bridal showers at her church?" my mother cried. "Jenni, you have to call her and ask her where she got this."
"I don't want to! She's your crazy mother. You call her!"
"Do it!"
They handed me the phone and I called my grandma.
"Hi Grandma."
"Hello Jenni. Congratulations again on your wonderful marriage. I know you'll be so happy."
"Yeah, thanks, Grandma. Hey listen, we're opening presents and we just opened yours. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I hope you can use it." WTF??
"Uh . . . well. I was just wondering. If we wanted more . . . where we would go to get some more?"
"More?"
"Yes. If we ran out. If we used it all."
"Well . . . I guess you'd go to Papa's wallet. That's where we keep the check book. But - "
"OH no! I'm not talking about the money!" Shit, my grandmother thought I was asking for more money!! "No, no, no. Thank you for the money, but I'm talking about the other . . . "
"The other?"
"The package . . . for us . . . on our honeymoon . . ."
"Jenni, I don't understand what you're talking about. You're being very strange. Papa and I gave you a card with a check in it and nothing else."
"CARL!!" my aunt cried.
Carl is their brother and he is a bit of a trickster. (If you've read my book you'll understand that I've come from a long line of smart asses.)
"Oh God, hang up!" my mom yelled.
"Jenni, what in the world is going on?" Now Grandma was getting pissed. She knew something was up, but she couldn't figure out what. "Did you get a gift from us? Tell me what is happening over there! What did you get that you think is from us?"
"Here! She's your mother. You tell her!" I threw the phone at my mom
While my mother hemmed and hawed and stammered her way through an explanation, my aunt called Uncle Carl on her cell phone.
Uncle Carl picked up his phone. "Heh. Heh. Heh," he chuckled. "Did you get our present?"
Uncle Carl's daughter had been in charge of the gift table and together they got us good.
Over the years the "Honeymoon Sex Kit" has reappeared as a wedding shower gift and a Christmas gift for various unsuspecting family members, but a few years ago it disappeared. Another cousin and his wife received it and it's never been seen since . . . they claim it's lost.
Picture: Eden's Fantasy
January 8, 2013
Would This Happen at Target?
As if you need another reason to dread visiting Wal-Mart now you need to be wary of crazy people running you down in the parking lot!
Have you heard this story yet? OK, so a teenage girl was shopping with a friend who is a new mom or is pregnant (I've read varying reports). The parking lot was very full, so when she saw a spot, the girl (not the pregnant/new mom one, but the other) hopped out to stand in it while her pregnant/new mom friend circled around. While she waited for her friend to circle around a woman came by with her big ass SUV and told the girl to move. The girl explained she was holding it for a friend with a baby. SUV lady didn't give a shit. She just hit the gas and rolled on in! The girl jumped out of the way at the last minute, but not before she got tire tread marks on jeans!
But wait, the story gets even better! After the girl is allegedly struck by the car, it comes out that the driver is a member of the school board of the district that she attends!
Now, in the past I have railed against punk ass kids, but this girl doesn't sound like one. It sounds like she was just trying to help her friend and just about got mowed over for doing so. This sounds like a grown ass woman bullying (and attempting to maim, if not kill) a young girl because she thought she could get away with it.
WTF is wrong with SUV lady? Who does this? Who rolls up in a giant car and tells a teenager to move it or lose it? Assholes. That's who. Assholes who think their need for a new tube of toothpaste is more important than someone else's need for a roll of toilet paper.
I haven't heard her excuse yet, but I'm sure it's a good one. She can say whatever she wants, but I've seen the video and it's disturbing. She can try temporary insanity or whatever. It's a stressful time of the year, every one has holiday blues, blah, blah, blah. I call bullshit. This woman is a megalomaniac who thought she could push around a kid and no one would care or believe the kid if she told on her.
Lucky for the teenage girl, the entire episode was caught on a surveillance camera.
Have you heard this story yet? OK, so a teenage girl was shopping with a friend who is a new mom or is pregnant (I've read varying reports). The parking lot was very full, so when she saw a spot, the girl (not the pregnant/new mom one, but the other) hopped out to stand in it while her pregnant/new mom friend circled around. While she waited for her friend to circle around a woman came by with her big ass SUV and told the girl to move. The girl explained she was holding it for a friend with a baby. SUV lady didn't give a shit. She just hit the gas and rolled on in! The girl jumped out of the way at the last minute, but not before she got tire tread marks on jeans!
But wait, the story gets even better! After the girl is allegedly struck by the car, it comes out that the driver is a member of the school board of the district that she attends!
Now, in the past I have railed against punk ass kids, but this girl doesn't sound like one. It sounds like she was just trying to help her friend and just about got mowed over for doing so. This sounds like a grown ass woman bullying (and attempting to maim, if not kill) a young girl because she thought she could get away with it.
WTF is wrong with SUV lady? Who does this? Who rolls up in a giant car and tells a teenager to move it or lose it? Assholes. That's who. Assholes who think their need for a new tube of toothpaste is more important than someone else's need for a roll of toilet paper.
I haven't heard her excuse yet, but I'm sure it's a good one. She can say whatever she wants, but I've seen the video and it's disturbing. She can try temporary insanity or whatever. It's a stressful time of the year, every one has holiday blues, blah, blah, blah. I call bullshit. This woman is a megalomaniac who thought she could push around a kid and no one would care or believe the kid if she told on her.
Lucky for the teenage girl, the entire episode was caught on a surveillance camera.
January 7, 2013
Anyone Who Throws an Ultrasound Party
Oh thank God there is a new trend in parties we can throw for pregnant women!
I was really starting to worry about party planners. I was beginning to think they were hurting for business. I mean how were they earning their keep once kids didn't need elaborate first birthday parties or potty parties anymore?
I was also so concerned for those pregnant moms out there who were feeling like they weren't getting quite enough attention. Let's see, they peed on a stick and posted the results on Youtube, had a gender reveal party where they released doves that had been dyed pink or blue into the sky and a boring old baby shower (everyone and their grandmother had a baby shower!). These pregnant moms were suffering from lack of adoration and needed a little pick me up.
Lucky for pregnant moms the party planners have been working over time on a new idea. There is a new party in town.
The Ultrasound Party! That's right, girls! Just pay your local ultrasound technician a cool $350 to come to your house and show everyone your unborn heir on the big screen. Pour some drinks for your closest friends, family and random cousins and gel up that belly so that everyone can say, "Is that a foot?" and "Wait, what am I looking at exactly?"
Before I get invited to one of these shin digs I just have some questions for the hostess that I need to get out the way:
What does the cake look like? I hope not a fetus. I won't be able to eat that and I love cake.
What am I supposed to do with my keepsake photo of your unborn child? I can barely keep track of the ultrasound pics of my own kids.
Really? You framed the keepsake photo of your unborn child? For everyone?
Do I need to bring a gift? And if so, what? Wasn't the shower gift I gave you enough? And the gender reveal party gift? Remember, I had to bring a girl gift and a boy gift because we didn't know what the baby was either until you released the doves?
Oh, one more thing. I was supposed to get my IUD checked by ultrasound a few months ago and I didn't it done. Could I just pay your tech under the table and have her check me real quick?
I was really starting to worry about party planners. I was beginning to think they were hurting for business. I mean how were they earning their keep once kids didn't need elaborate first birthday parties or potty parties anymore?
I was also so concerned for those pregnant moms out there who were feeling like they weren't getting quite enough attention. Let's see, they peed on a stick and posted the results on Youtube, had a gender reveal party where they released doves that had been dyed pink or blue into the sky and a boring old baby shower (everyone and their grandmother had a baby shower!). These pregnant moms were suffering from lack of adoration and needed a little pick me up.
Lucky for pregnant moms the party planners have been working over time on a new idea. There is a new party in town.
The Ultrasound Party! That's right, girls! Just pay your local ultrasound technician a cool $350 to come to your house and show everyone your unborn heir on the big screen. Pour some drinks for your closest friends, family and random cousins and gel up that belly so that everyone can say, "Is that a foot?" and "Wait, what am I looking at exactly?"
Before I get invited to one of these shin digs I just have some questions for the hostess that I need to get out the way:
What does the cake look like? I hope not a fetus. I won't be able to eat that and I love cake.
What am I supposed to do with my keepsake photo of your unborn child? I can barely keep track of the ultrasound pics of my own kids.
Really? You framed the keepsake photo of your unborn child? For everyone?
Do I need to bring a gift? And if so, what? Wasn't the shower gift I gave you enough? And the gender reveal party gift? Remember, I had to bring a girl gift and a boy gift because we didn't know what the baby was either until you released the doves?
Oh, one more thing. I was supposed to get my IUD checked by ultrasound a few months ago and I didn't it done. Could I just pay your tech under the table and have her check me real quick?
January 5, 2013
Weekly Wrap Up 1.5.13
The first week of the new year! Happy 2013 everyone!
If You Don't Read Anything Else at Least Read This Section:
Yesterday I asked readers on my Facebook page to send me links to their favorite funny bloggers. I got tons of responses. I am still sifting through them. The good news is I already read a lot of them, so it was nice to see some "familiar" faces. If you have more, keep telling me about them.
I've started a new Pinterest board this week. Do you follow me on Pinterest yet? What are you waiting for? It's ah-MAY-zing. Seriously, Pinterest is great. I pin funny stuff. I pin recipes I'll never make. I pin crafts I've made with my kids. I pin books I want to read. My new board is all about bloggers I like. I've invited a bunch that I read and I've opened it to the public. Anyone can join - let me know if you want in. I figure it's an easier way to keep track of blogs without overwhelming my Google Reader, plus this way I can share them with my Pinterest followers.
I'm having a Twitter party this Sunday. Actually, every Sunday. Every Sunday night at 9 PM EST log on to Twitter and look for me @throat_punch or follow #spikedpunch. It's a fun time with a bunch of hysterical people chatting about absolute nonsense. For those of you who are worried Twitter moves too fast, etc. You're right. It does. However, you get better at it the more you do it. I can actually keep up with half the conversation now and I can last an hour before my head explodes. This Sunday I'm shooting for an hour and a half.
Top Read Posts This Week:
Kimye is Having a Baby!!! - I don't know if you've heard or not, but Kimye (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West) are having a baby. I know it hasn't received much media coverage, I mean there wasn't one "Breaking News" report or anything! (It's as if the world couldn't care less!) This was like a New Year's Miracle for me. Christmas had been so touchy feely and not much going on in the way good celebridiot news so when I saw this I was ecstatic. It's good to be back in the land of snark. I can't wait for eight more months of listening to this waste of space complain that pregnancy is "hard" and "not fun." This one got picked up by the Huffington Post this week.
I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome - It was such a relief to see how many women felt exactly the same way I did. Who knew? It was good for the Hubs to see too and realize that I'm not crazy.
My 2013 Resolutions - I wrote some resolutions last week and so far, so good. I've hung up my coat once and I worked out with Kris. Killing 2013!
Rules for Parents of Daughters - This post is right around a year old now, but every few months it has a resurgence on Pinterest and spikes for a bit. It's a fun list that I wrote with Adolpha in mind.
Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - This one has great tips for posing your Elf next year.
Book Update:
Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat has been doing great! Here is my favorite review on Amazon this week:
5.0 out of 5 stars Not pretentious, December 29, 2012
By
Katy Unkelbach - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Kindle Edition)
Love Jen's blog and the book didn't let me down. I've never written a review, but I am doing it for Jen. I finished another blogger 's book before reading this one and it felt like a brag book about her kids, her sex life, and her yoga and running abilities. This read was a breath of fresh air complete with honest criticisms of herself and others and fun stories I can relate to, with a few potty words I never use but think often. Thanks Jen for keeping it real.
Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):
Everyone needs alone time. Go to the library or something. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Ironically, I tried to go to the library on Thursday. The Hubs joined me. He did let me sit at a table by myself and write though. Baby steps.
Thankfully my creeper, I mean husband, doesn't follow me around. But I get incessant questions when I'm more than 2 feet away. What are you doing? Aren't you gonna watch this movie with me? Want me to rub your feet? Come snuggle. Argh! I need some space, too. Or a bottle of wine. I'm not picky. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
OK, here is a perfect example of the grass being greener in someone else's stalker relationship. The Hubs could be with me all the time if he offered to rub my feet. I just want a good foot massage but he thinks my feet are stinky - even after a shower.
hmm... curious what the Hubs had to say about this post. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Good question. The thing you must understand about the Hubs is he the type of person who has absolutely no problem laughing at himself. When he first started irritating me that day I threatened him that I would "put it on the blog" thinking that the idea of public humiliation might rein him in. Instead, I think he actually stepped up the annoying behavior, because he started going through the archives and was really pleased to see how many times he's been "punched" on here. He feels a little famous. After I wrote the post in my fit of anger I calmed down a few hours later and asked him to read it to make sure it wasn't too mean. He laughed his ass off and told me he "loved it" (and me and then asked if we could go grocery shopping together and both push the cart).
I get what you're saying. I've been there in the past. But PLEASE count your blessings! My husband died in a motorcycle accident over four years ago... and I'd give just about anything to have him at home, bugging me. just sayin' :) on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I'm sorry for your loss. I count my blessings every day. I know there isn't another man on this planet who could put up with the bullshit that is Jen and I know that without the Hubs I wouldn't be able to accomplish half of the things I have.
2013 resolution #2 success! Nothing says "I love you" like a steamy, suggestive obscenity! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Holy Fuck bomb batman! My husband just returned to work yesterday after a two week break and when he called to see if I missed him I honestly had to tell him, "Ummm...not really. It has been quite nice. Plus, the house is so much cleaner without you here." I'm dreading retirement! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I think if the Hubs was an ice road trucker and was gone for months at a time I would miss him, but when he runs out for half an hour to get his hair cut I barely have time to notice he's gone.
I'm sending this to my husband because you've written what I haven't had the balls to talk about: he needs to BACK OFF! I left the other day and he said he didn't like how the house felt without me in it; "it's lonely." I was at the grocery store, loser. Cripe. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I actually have tears coming down my face from laughing so much. Tell your hubs I'm emailing this post to a few friends, so your stats will go up ;) Maybe that'll get him off your back for 2 minutes. Just maybe. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
He says it wasn't enough. You need to mail it to ten more friends.
Holy crap, I can relate. I'm still really young and engaged, so not yet married. But he always loves to be together and doesn't like for me to run errands alone, and I am 100% certain I have not showered by myself since we started dating. Do you know how irritating that can be with two water hogs? It sucks like ass, let me tell you. One day he was just driving me batshit crazy. So, looking for some advice, I turn to my grandma who was married to my papa for a long time and cared for him as he passed away. I said "grandma, is this what its like to have a husband?" Bless her heart, she took me around the shoulders and laughed in my face. She said, "marriage is being with someone you want to murder, but not doing it because you'd miss them too much. That's the key, if you'd miss them, then you have a working marriage." Right on lol on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Your grandma is a genius and I'm glad she told it to you straight. Congrats!
That is f-ing hysterical! My husband is home now too. I homeschool my 13 yr old. There are just too many people in this house! He always complained that he didn't have time to hunt and fish. Now he has the time but doesn't go! I love the picture! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I think my kids went back to school at just the right moment this week, because I was working on a follow up post tentatively titled "Why I Will Never Fucking Homeschool My Children." You are made of tougher material than I.
I snorted when I read "Hang up my coat and/or drink more water" - now there's a resolution I can keep. on My 2013 Resolutions
I must admit to you that I read every blog you post, but you have so many comments by the time I read, that I just figure you'll never even see my comment and it'll get lost in a sea of comments. I read and love all of your blog posts but that's my reasoning for not commenting. However, knowing that you DO read all comments, I resolve to comment on each post. That is a resolution that won't be too hard to keep. That and drinking more water. That should be easy. :) on My 2013 Resolutions
I am exactly like Teri Biebel!! haha By the time I want to comment there is like tons already and I always feel like it gets lost in the sea too! hahahha, but anyway, I don't ever do resolutions not sure why guess cause I know I'll never keep them, as it is I can't even remember things I said 5 mins ago lol. But today I will make three I know for sure I'll keep! One is to continue to tell the kids how much I love them, two is to continue my Catholic faith, and three is to comment on your posts just like Teri haha. I'll fallow you on twitter as well! and hehe I'll be sure to request your book for my birthday :D as I've been wanting it soon as I discovered you! lol. Anywho, thank you soo much for all your inspiration and for letting me know there are truly other mothers out there that are seeing the world as I am. Can't tell you how sick I've been seeing all these "perfect" mothers of two :/. But yea so glad to have met you :)) and glad to meet all your fallowers!! I am Nicki from Ca. on My 2013 Resolutions
Teri and Nicki, Just know that I read all of my comments and I am so happy when I see them come through. I love you. Thank you for commenting.
I've never been so proud to have someone steal my resolution!! I love you Jen! on My 2013 Resolutions
It's a sad day when I have to resort to stealing, but I had no other choice, it was perfect for me.
Does hanging your coat over the handle of your stroller count? on My 2013 Resolutions
Yes. In fact, I should dig out our stroller just so I can hang up my coat, because right now it's draped over the dining room chair and that doesn't count.
I resolved to never make resolutions since they used to revolve around weight loss and being a nicer person-- fuck that. I'm still a fat bitch so we see how well THAT turned out. But this year I will seriously consider these: 1. Conquering Twitter with you. 2. *Try* to comment more on the blogs I read (hey, look at me! Commenting and shit! Go me!) and 3. Write more often for my own blog. They can't all be Pulitzers, ya know? p.s. I love you, too. ;) on My 2013 Resolutions
Why the fuck would anyone every want to swear less? Speaking without swearing is like cooking without spices. Oh, and I can help you out with number seven. :) on My 2013 Resolutions
My resolution is to go to Ikea and spend lots of money on storage shit so I can get my house organized. (Because that's easier than resolving to not be a hoarder). on My 2013 Resolutions
Mine too! Too bad Kansas is not getting an Ikea until 2014. Until then I'll live like a hoarder and just peruse the catalog and plan my escape from clutter.
On the View (can barely stomach that show, but saw a clip), they asked her that since she gave Kanye a Lamborghini, what has he given her. She replied that he gives her his support. What a bunch of dill holes! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
This post right here? This is why I am so eager to read your blog every day! Love this! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
Now this is the PIWTPITT that I know and love! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
I've been at work all day and just needed a little pick-me-up from the office blues... so I started reading some back entries of your blog and when I got to the IN MY SLEEP! part I busted out laughing so hard, thank God no one was around to hear. This is exactly what I needed after a stressful Friday! on Week 7 of My Transformation - The Dirty 30
If You Don't Read Anything Else at Least Read This Section:
Yesterday I asked readers on my Facebook page to send me links to their favorite funny bloggers. I got tons of responses. I am still sifting through them. The good news is I already read a lot of them, so it was nice to see some "familiar" faces. If you have more, keep telling me about them.
I've started a new Pinterest board this week. Do you follow me on Pinterest yet? What are you waiting for? It's ah-MAY-zing. Seriously, Pinterest is great. I pin funny stuff. I pin recipes I'll never make. I pin crafts I've made with my kids. I pin books I want to read. My new board is all about bloggers I like. I've invited a bunch that I read and I've opened it to the public. Anyone can join - let me know if you want in. I figure it's an easier way to keep track of blogs without overwhelming my Google Reader, plus this way I can share them with my Pinterest followers.
I'm having a Twitter party this Sunday. Actually, every Sunday. Every Sunday night at 9 PM EST log on to Twitter and look for me @throat_punch or follow #spikedpunch. It's a fun time with a bunch of hysterical people chatting about absolute nonsense. For those of you who are worried Twitter moves too fast, etc. You're right. It does. However, you get better at it the more you do it. I can actually keep up with half the conversation now and I can last an hour before my head explodes. This Sunday I'm shooting for an hour and a half.
Top Read Posts This Week:
Kimye is Having a Baby!!! - I don't know if you've heard or not, but Kimye (Kim Kardashian and Kanye West) are having a baby. I know it hasn't received much media coverage, I mean there wasn't one "Breaking News" report or anything! (It's as if the world couldn't care less!) This was like a New Year's Miracle for me. Christmas had been so touchy feely and not much going on in the way good celebridiot news so when I saw this I was ecstatic. It's good to be back in the land of snark. I can't wait for eight more months of listening to this waste of space complain that pregnancy is "hard" and "not fun." This one got picked up by the Huffington Post this week.
I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome - It was such a relief to see how many women felt exactly the same way I did. Who knew? It was good for the Hubs to see too and realize that I'm not crazy.
My 2013 Resolutions - I wrote some resolutions last week and so far, so good. I've hung up my coat once and I worked out with Kris. Killing 2013!
Rules for Parents of Daughters - This post is right around a year old now, but every few months it has a resurgence on Pinterest and spikes for a bit. It's a fun list that I wrote with Adolpha in mind.
Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - This one has great tips for posing your Elf next year.
Book Update:
Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat has been doing great! Here is my favorite review on Amazon this week:
5.0 out of 5 stars Not pretentious, December 29, 2012
By
Katy Unkelbach - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Kindle Edition)
Love Jen's blog and the book didn't let me down. I've never written a review, but I am doing it for Jen. I finished another blogger 's book before reading this one and it felt like a brag book about her kids, her sex life, and her yoga and running abilities. This read was a breath of fresh air complete with honest criticisms of herself and others and fun stories I can relate to, with a few potty words I never use but think often. Thanks Jen for keeping it real.
Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):
Everyone needs alone time. Go to the library or something. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Ironically, I tried to go to the library on Thursday. The Hubs joined me. He did let me sit at a table by myself and write though. Baby steps.
Thankfully my creeper, I mean husband, doesn't follow me around. But I get incessant questions when I'm more than 2 feet away. What are you doing? Aren't you gonna watch this movie with me? Want me to rub your feet? Come snuggle. Argh! I need some space, too. Or a bottle of wine. I'm not picky. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
OK, here is a perfect example of the grass being greener in someone else's stalker relationship. The Hubs could be with me all the time if he offered to rub my feet. I just want a good foot massage but he thinks my feet are stinky - even after a shower.
hmm... curious what the Hubs had to say about this post. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Good question. The thing you must understand about the Hubs is he the type of person who has absolutely no problem laughing at himself. When he first started irritating me that day I threatened him that I would "put it on the blog" thinking that the idea of public humiliation might rein him in. Instead, I think he actually stepped up the annoying behavior, because he started going through the archives and was really pleased to see how many times he's been "punched" on here. He feels a little famous. After I wrote the post in my fit of anger I calmed down a few hours later and asked him to read it to make sure it wasn't too mean. He laughed his ass off and told me he "loved it" (and me and then asked if we could go grocery shopping together and both push the cart).
I get what you're saying. I've been there in the past. But PLEASE count your blessings! My husband died in a motorcycle accident over four years ago... and I'd give just about anything to have him at home, bugging me. just sayin' :) on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I'm sorry for your loss. I count my blessings every day. I know there isn't another man on this planet who could put up with the bullshit that is Jen and I know that without the Hubs I wouldn't be able to accomplish half of the things I have.
2013 resolution #2 success! Nothing says "I love you" like a steamy, suggestive obscenity! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Holy Fuck bomb batman! My husband just returned to work yesterday after a two week break and when he called to see if I missed him I honestly had to tell him, "Ummm...not really. It has been quite nice. Plus, the house is so much cleaner without you here." I'm dreading retirement! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I think if the Hubs was an ice road trucker and was gone for months at a time I would miss him, but when he runs out for half an hour to get his hair cut I barely have time to notice he's gone.
I'm sending this to my husband because you've written what I haven't had the balls to talk about: he needs to BACK OFF! I left the other day and he said he didn't like how the house felt without me in it; "it's lonely." I was at the grocery store, loser. Cripe. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I actually have tears coming down my face from laughing so much. Tell your hubs I'm emailing this post to a few friends, so your stats will go up ;) Maybe that'll get him off your back for 2 minutes. Just maybe. on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
He says it wasn't enough. You need to mail it to ten more friends.
Holy crap, I can relate. I'm still really young and engaged, so not yet married. But he always loves to be together and doesn't like for me to run errands alone, and I am 100% certain I have not showered by myself since we started dating. Do you know how irritating that can be with two water hogs? It sucks like ass, let me tell you. One day he was just driving me batshit crazy. So, looking for some advice, I turn to my grandma who was married to my papa for a long time and cared for him as he passed away. I said "grandma, is this what its like to have a husband?" Bless her heart, she took me around the shoulders and laughed in my face. She said, "marriage is being with someone you want to murder, but not doing it because you'd miss them too much. That's the key, if you'd miss them, then you have a working marriage." Right on lol on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Your grandma is a genius and I'm glad she told it to you straight. Congrats!
That is f-ing hysterical! My husband is home now too. I homeschool my 13 yr old. There are just too many people in this house! He always complained that he didn't have time to hunt and fish. Now he has the time but doesn't go! I love the picture! on I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
I think my kids went back to school at just the right moment this week, because I was working on a follow up post tentatively titled "Why I Will Never Fucking Homeschool My Children." You are made of tougher material than I.
I snorted when I read "Hang up my coat and/or drink more water" - now there's a resolution I can keep. on My 2013 Resolutions
I must admit to you that I read every blog you post, but you have so many comments by the time I read, that I just figure you'll never even see my comment and it'll get lost in a sea of comments. I read and love all of your blog posts but that's my reasoning for not commenting. However, knowing that you DO read all comments, I resolve to comment on each post. That is a resolution that won't be too hard to keep. That and drinking more water. That should be easy. :) on My 2013 Resolutions
I am exactly like Teri Biebel!! haha By the time I want to comment there is like tons already and I always feel like it gets lost in the sea too! hahahha, but anyway, I don't ever do resolutions not sure why guess cause I know I'll never keep them, as it is I can't even remember things I said 5 mins ago lol. But today I will make three I know for sure I'll keep! One is to continue to tell the kids how much I love them, two is to continue my Catholic faith, and three is to comment on your posts just like Teri haha. I'll fallow you on twitter as well! and hehe I'll be sure to request your book for my birthday :D as I've been wanting it soon as I discovered you! lol. Anywho, thank you soo much for all your inspiration and for letting me know there are truly other mothers out there that are seeing the world as I am. Can't tell you how sick I've been seeing all these "perfect" mothers of two :/. But yea so glad to have met you :)) and glad to meet all your fallowers!! I am Nicki from Ca. on My 2013 Resolutions
Teri and Nicki, Just know that I read all of my comments and I am so happy when I see them come through. I love you. Thank you for commenting.
I've never been so proud to have someone steal my resolution!! I love you Jen! on My 2013 Resolutions
It's a sad day when I have to resort to stealing, but I had no other choice, it was perfect for me.
Does hanging your coat over the handle of your stroller count? on My 2013 Resolutions
Yes. In fact, I should dig out our stroller just so I can hang up my coat, because right now it's draped over the dining room chair and that doesn't count.
I resolved to never make resolutions since they used to revolve around weight loss and being a nicer person-- fuck that. I'm still a fat bitch so we see how well THAT turned out. But this year I will seriously consider these: 1. Conquering Twitter with you. 2. *Try* to comment more on the blogs I read (hey, look at me! Commenting and shit! Go me!) and 3. Write more often for my own blog. They can't all be Pulitzers, ya know? p.s. I love you, too. ;) on My 2013 Resolutions
Why the fuck would anyone every want to swear less? Speaking without swearing is like cooking without spices. Oh, and I can help you out with number seven. :) on My 2013 Resolutions
My resolution is to go to Ikea and spend lots of money on storage shit so I can get my house organized. (Because that's easier than resolving to not be a hoarder). on My 2013 Resolutions
Mine too! Too bad Kansas is not getting an Ikea until 2014. Until then I'll live like a hoarder and just peruse the catalog and plan my escape from clutter.
On the View (can barely stomach that show, but saw a clip), they asked her that since she gave Kanye a Lamborghini, what has he given her. She replied that he gives her his support. What a bunch of dill holes! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
This post right here? This is why I am so eager to read your blog every day! Love this! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
Now this is the PIWTPITT that I know and love! on Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
I've been at work all day and just needed a little pick-me-up from the office blues... so I started reading some back entries of your blog and when I got to the IN MY SLEEP! part I busted out laughing so hard, thank God no one was around to hear. This is exactly what I needed after a stressful Friday! on Week 7 of My Transformation - The Dirty 30
January 3, 2013
I Think I Have Stockholm Syndrome
Anyone else have a husband who drives her crazy? I don't know what the deal is today, but the Hubs is getting my very last fucking nerve. (Actually, I know the problem, this time I'm the one with PMS instead of him.)
The Hubs and I spend waaaay too much time together. (Which is just the way he likes it.) We live together (duh) and we work together at home. There is no office for me to escape to. There is no office for me to pack him off to. There is no one to go have lunch with or shoot the breeze with at the water cooler. There is just the Hubs. If I turn a corner in my house, there he is. If I go upstairs, he goes upstairs. If I go downstairs, he goes downstairs. He just looooovvves to be together. Truly. He can't even run an errand alone. He likes to have me along, because he "misses me too much." Ugh!
I know it probably sounds lovely and romantic and all that, but really it can be so annoying. There is a fine line between loving someone and holding them hostage. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, because I'm being kept prisoner, but I love my prison guard.
Today is the last day of winter break and I woke up in a mood. At first I thought it was the kids driving me crazy. I thought maybe I was ready for them to go back to school. And then I realized. It wasn't the kids. It was the Hubs.
Just yap yapping about his accomplishments. Remember when I told you that he thinks he can do just about anything? He talks incessantly. Constantly. Non-stop. And it is always the same topic over and over and over again. It's like listening to Rain Main reminding me on a daily basis of all the things he kicks ass at. "I totally beat all of you at UNO today! Woohoo!" Way to go, Champ, you made an 8 year old cry when you handed his ass to him in a friendly game of cards.
And while I appreciate that he is supportive of me and my blog, do I really need a blow by blow of my current statistics? "Your book is ranked in the top 50 on iTunes. Oh wait, it just dropped to 52." or "You only have 100 people on the site right now. You must not have written anything that interesting today. Nope 99 now. That sucks. Oh wait, you're up to 103, but can you make it to 110?"
At that point, I was actually fantasizing about running away. The only thing that kept me there was my kids.
I needed a break. I begged him for a moment of peace and quiet and a chance to be alone for a little bit.
I tried to escape by taking a shower. I thought, Surely I can get some peace in the shower, right? Wrong. Because as I reveling in the plethora of hot water and the deafening sound of silence I felt someone's eyes on me. I turned and screamed, because there was a creeper standing right outside my shower door!!!
False alarm. It was just the Hubs.
I drew him a picture in the shower:
Go away creeper!
The Hubs and I spend waaaay too much time together. (Which is just the way he likes it.) We live together (duh) and we work together at home. There is no office for me to escape to. There is no office for me to pack him off to. There is no one to go have lunch with or shoot the breeze with at the water cooler. There is just the Hubs. If I turn a corner in my house, there he is. If I go upstairs, he goes upstairs. If I go downstairs, he goes downstairs. He just looooovvves to be together. Truly. He can't even run an errand alone. He likes to have me along, because he "misses me too much." Ugh!
I know it probably sounds lovely and romantic and all that, but really it can be so annoying. There is a fine line between loving someone and holding them hostage. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, because I'm being kept prisoner, but I love my prison guard.
Today is the last day of winter break and I woke up in a mood. At first I thought it was the kids driving me crazy. I thought maybe I was ready for them to go back to school. And then I realized. It wasn't the kids. It was the Hubs.
Just yap yapping about his accomplishments. Remember when I told you that he thinks he can do just about anything? He talks incessantly. Constantly. Non-stop. And it is always the same topic over and over and over again. It's like listening to Rain Main reminding me on a daily basis of all the things he kicks ass at. "I totally beat all of you at UNO today! Woohoo!" Way to go, Champ, you made an 8 year old cry when you handed his ass to him in a friendly game of cards.
And while I appreciate that he is supportive of me and my blog, do I really need a blow by blow of my current statistics? "Your book is ranked in the top 50 on iTunes. Oh wait, it just dropped to 52." or "You only have 100 people on the site right now. You must not have written anything that interesting today. Nope 99 now. That sucks. Oh wait, you're up to 103, but can you make it to 110?"
At that point, I was actually fantasizing about running away. The only thing that kept me there was my kids.
I needed a break. I begged him for a moment of peace and quiet and a chance to be alone for a little bit.
I tried to escape by taking a shower. I thought, Surely I can get some peace in the shower, right? Wrong. Because as I reveling in the plethora of hot water and the deafening sound of silence I felt someone's eyes on me. I turned and screamed, because there was a creeper standing right outside my shower door!!!
False alarm. It was just the Hubs.
I drew him a picture in the shower:
Go away creeper!
January 1, 2013
My 2013 Resolutions
I told you how well I did keeping my 2012 resolutions. Maybe a 50% success rate? Eh, not too bad I guess.
Now it's time to come up with some resolutions for 2013.
1. Get more Twitter followers. I really suck at Twitter. I'm getting better and I promise I'll interact with you over there if you follow me. Facebook is where I have more followers, but Facebook is frustrating me. I haven't been able to see my feed for a week now. It shows me three status updates from last Saturday and then says "There is nothing more to show you." Ugh. So, I'm trying to do more on Twitter. I'm getting more comfortable on Twitter. I even started a Twitter party on Sunday nights. Just follow the hashtag #spikedpunch and you will find me and a bunch of my friends chatting about some badass, way cool shit. For instance this week we discussed the riveting topics of American Girl dolls, Skylanders, sex, and Justin Bieber - there's a comma there so it's not sex with Justin Bieber. Join us this week!
2. Say I love you more. I'm good at saying it to the little people in my life, but not really great with the big ones. I will make more of an effort this year. However, in case I fail miserably, please know I love you.
3. Sell more books. I have a number in mind, but I don't want to put it here in case I don't meet my goal because then I'll feel like a loser. All I can say is my number is fairly large, so please tell a friend . . . or eight . . . about my book. Thanks, I love you!
4. Hang up my coat and/or drink more water. This was actually an idea I got from a reader. She commented that last year she resolved to run twenty 10 mile runs and she did it. (Good for her.) But since she did that last year, this year she was going to resolve to do something easy like hang up her coat or drink more water. I'm stealing her resolutions flat out. I've decided to make it an and/or proposition since I don't mind drinking water, but hanging up my coat seems as useless as making my bed (another thing I don't do). I'm just going to get back into my bed in a couple of hours, what is the point? I will need my coat the next time I leave the house, so why bother hanging it up? Looks like it's going to be more water.
5. Write more. What I mean by this is write more in advance. It is nearly midnight as I sit here writing this knowing full well that I have promised it to you by the morning. I do this all the time. I am constantly working under pressure and I would like to get some posts written in advance that I can throw out there on days that Kimye doesn't announce they're having a baby and the world waits with bated breath for my opinion.
6. Publish two books. Yup. Not one, but two. I'm working on them both of them right now.
7. Read more. I did fairly well this year with book reading. I'm not sure how many I read this year. I put a lot of them on Goodreads. This year I want to add some blogs to my reading list too. I try to read a lot of blogs on my phone when I have a few minutes here and there, but it's difficult for me to comment. I want to figure out how I can comment. I've been very open in the past about being a comment whore. I love comments. I read them all and it bums me out when people don't comment. Since I know how that feels, I can't read without commenting, that would totally suck. I will comment this year!!
8. Clean my house for 10 minutes a day. In 2012 I said I'd clean my house for 5 minutes a day and that didn't seem to work. I've decided to up it to 10 minutes this year. If nothing else, I can use this time to hang up my coat.
9. Get my hair cut by a real professional. I was trying to save money in 2012 and one of the things I scrapped was an expensive hair stylist. I've been going to one of those discount franchise places and my hair looks like it. I went to get my hair cut last week. I wanted a cute, fun, messy-ish pixie cut and I came home looking like a raggedy pinhead. A friend posted a picture that same day of her new haircut which was essentially the haircut I should have, but don't. I about cried when I did a side by side comparison. I need a pro this year. Luckily, the Hub is on board with this decision too. He's tired of me wearing a hat all the time because my hair is so crappy.
10. Keep working with Kris at Staring Line Fitness. It's been a week since I've worked out with Kris and she's going to be mad when I show up in my fat sweat pants, because my skinnier ones don't fit again after my holiday eating fest. But I'm ready to get back to work.
11. And one last one . . .
Thank you Moms Who Drink and Swear!
Happy New Year! What are your resolutions?
Now it's time to come up with some resolutions for 2013.
1. Get more Twitter followers. I really suck at Twitter. I'm getting better and I promise I'll interact with you over there if you follow me. Facebook is where I have more followers, but Facebook is frustrating me. I haven't been able to see my feed for a week now. It shows me three status updates from last Saturday and then says "There is nothing more to show you." Ugh. So, I'm trying to do more on Twitter. I'm getting more comfortable on Twitter. I even started a Twitter party on Sunday nights. Just follow the hashtag #spikedpunch and you will find me and a bunch of my friends chatting about some badass, way cool shit. For instance this week we discussed the riveting topics of American Girl dolls, Skylanders, sex, and Justin Bieber - there's a comma there so it's not sex with Justin Bieber. Join us this week!
2. Say I love you more. I'm good at saying it to the little people in my life, but not really great with the big ones. I will make more of an effort this year. However, in case I fail miserably, please know I love you.
3. Sell more books. I have a number in mind, but I don't want to put it here in case I don't meet my goal because then I'll feel like a loser. All I can say is my number is fairly large, so please tell a friend . . . or eight . . . about my book. Thanks, I love you!
4. Hang up my coat and/or drink more water. This was actually an idea I got from a reader. She commented that last year she resolved to run twenty 10 mile runs and she did it. (Good for her.) But since she did that last year, this year she was going to resolve to do something easy like hang up her coat or drink more water. I'm stealing her resolutions flat out. I've decided to make it an and/or proposition since I don't mind drinking water, but hanging up my coat seems as useless as making my bed (another thing I don't do). I'm just going to get back into my bed in a couple of hours, what is the point? I will need my coat the next time I leave the house, so why bother hanging it up? Looks like it's going to be more water.
5. Write more. What I mean by this is write more in advance. It is nearly midnight as I sit here writing this knowing full well that I have promised it to you by the morning. I do this all the time. I am constantly working under pressure and I would like to get some posts written in advance that I can throw out there on days that Kimye doesn't announce they're having a baby and the world waits with bated breath for my opinion.
6. Publish two books. Yup. Not one, but two. I'm working on them both of them right now.
7. Read more. I did fairly well this year with book reading. I'm not sure how many I read this year. I put a lot of them on Goodreads. This year I want to add some blogs to my reading list too. I try to read a lot of blogs on my phone when I have a few minutes here and there, but it's difficult for me to comment. I want to figure out how I can comment. I've been very open in the past about being a comment whore. I love comments. I read them all and it bums me out when people don't comment. Since I know how that feels, I can't read without commenting, that would totally suck. I will comment this year!!
8. Clean my house for 10 minutes a day. In 2012 I said I'd clean my house for 5 minutes a day and that didn't seem to work. I've decided to up it to 10 minutes this year. If nothing else, I can use this time to hang up my coat.
9. Get my hair cut by a real professional. I was trying to save money in 2012 and one of the things I scrapped was an expensive hair stylist. I've been going to one of those discount franchise places and my hair looks like it. I went to get my hair cut last week. I wanted a cute, fun, messy-ish pixie cut and I came home looking like a raggedy pinhead. A friend posted a picture that same day of her new haircut which was essentially the haircut I should have, but don't. I about cried when I did a side by side comparison. I need a pro this year. Luckily, the Hub is on board with this decision too. He's tired of me wearing a hat all the time because my hair is so crappy.
10. Keep working with Kris at Staring Line Fitness. It's been a week since I've worked out with Kris and she's going to be mad when I show up in my fat sweat pants, because my skinnier ones don't fit again after my holiday eating fest. But I'm ready to get back to work.
11. And one last one . . .
Thank you Moms Who Drink and Swear!
Happy New Year! What are your resolutions?
December 31, 2012
Kimye is Having a Baby!!!
Have you heard the news yet? I am absolutely BRIMMING with excitement for Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and their new little "Kash Kow" (thanks to some random Kanye Twitter follower for that bit of brilliance). That's right! Kimye is going to have a Bay-Bay. Imagine my delight when I awoke this morning and the first piece of news I heard was that Kim was going to get a gut to match her ass.
Hello, my name is Kash Kow.
Where do I even begin with this hallowed event? First, let me congratulate Kim on landing a baby daddy that can at least afford to keep her baby in fur onesies and solid gold binkies and all before she's even legally divorced from her husband, Kris Humphries! (BTW am I the only one who thinks Kris looks like the dumbest guy on the planet? His mouth is always hanging open and he always looks like he's going to say, "Hey, babe . . . oh, never mind, I forgot.") Anyway, Kim's mother, Kris Jenner, must be so proud of her not yet divorced daughter getting knocked up by a wealthy rap star who hasn't made any indication he has plans to marry her.
Oh wait, of course she is. This is a girl whose whole family's claim to fame is that she made a sex tape that was caught up in some sort of brouhaha when it was leaked (probably by a family member) and then she had to go to court where she was awarded $5 million.
Of course Kris Jenner is thrilled. She is Kim's pimp. She probably brokered the deal with Kanye herself. She probably told him she can get E! to televise the birth (sponsored by Shape Ups, of course) and they can split the money and now he can be part of the official Kardashian holiday card.
It was time to branch out the Kardashian line. Literally, this morning on the news, one of the reporters said something like, "I"m not sure what they have planned, but this is a great branding and marketing opportunity." The possibilities are endless. After whipping up some revolting - I mean chic - maternity clothes, they can sell ad space on the baby bump to the highest bidder. Then after televising the birth of the baby, there's always the chance for a spinoff reality show where we can watch Kim take the baby to Mommy & Me classes in 6 inch stilettos and interview nannies all while she hawks some weight loss company. Plus, the products! Imagine! Kardashian Kribs, hair extensions for babies (how embarrassing to have a bald newborn) or inserts for diapers so babies can have the Kardashian booty.
I'm sure Mama Kris is already way ahead of me planning a baby line. Sure she's got other grandchildren she could have exploited, but those are Kourtney's kids. Ugh. Kourtney doesn't have the "kache" that Kim has. Kanye and Kim make "Kimye." There isn't a cute nickname you can make up for Kourtney and her deadbeat baby daddy, Scott Disick. There aren't any "branding" or "marketing" opportunities for someone who looks like a whiny, spoiled Eurotrash douchebag!
I would just like to congratulate Kimye on successfully consummating their relationship and I would like to send a little message to their baby. (My guess is Kimye, Jr. will have an official Kardashian-endorsed Twitter account by noon where I can message him/her.) Dear Kimye, Jr., declare emancipation now or put yourself up for adoption. Do it now before your parents name you something stupid like Kornell.
Hello, my name is Kash Kow.
Where do I even begin with this hallowed event? First, let me congratulate Kim on landing a baby daddy that can at least afford to keep her baby in fur onesies and solid gold binkies and all before she's even legally divorced from her husband, Kris Humphries! (BTW am I the only one who thinks Kris looks like the dumbest guy on the planet? His mouth is always hanging open and he always looks like he's going to say, "Hey, babe . . . oh, never mind, I forgot.") Anyway, Kim's mother, Kris Jenner, must be so proud of her not yet divorced daughter getting knocked up by a wealthy rap star who hasn't made any indication he has plans to marry her.
Oh wait, of course she is. This is a girl whose whole family's claim to fame is that she made a sex tape that was caught up in some sort of brouhaha when it was leaked (probably by a family member) and then she had to go to court where she was awarded $5 million.
Of course Kris Jenner is thrilled. She is Kim's pimp. She probably brokered the deal with Kanye herself. She probably told him she can get E! to televise the birth (sponsored by Shape Ups, of course) and they can split the money and now he can be part of the official Kardashian holiday card.
It was time to branch out the Kardashian line. Literally, this morning on the news, one of the reporters said something like, "I"m not sure what they have planned, but this is a great branding and marketing opportunity." The possibilities are endless. After whipping up some revolting - I mean chic - maternity clothes, they can sell ad space on the baby bump to the highest bidder. Then after televising the birth of the baby, there's always the chance for a spinoff reality show where we can watch Kim take the baby to Mommy & Me classes in 6 inch stilettos and interview nannies all while she hawks some weight loss company. Plus, the products! Imagine! Kardashian Kribs, hair extensions for babies (how embarrassing to have a bald newborn) or inserts for diapers so babies can have the Kardashian booty.
I'm sure Mama Kris is already way ahead of me planning a baby line. Sure she's got other grandchildren she could have exploited, but those are Kourtney's kids. Ugh. Kourtney doesn't have the "kache" that Kim has. Kanye and Kim make "Kimye." There isn't a cute nickname you can make up for Kourtney and her deadbeat baby daddy, Scott Disick. There aren't any "branding" or "marketing" opportunities for someone who looks like a whiny, spoiled Eurotrash douchebag!
I would just like to congratulate Kimye on successfully consummating their relationship and I would like to send a little message to their baby. (My guess is Kimye, Jr. will have an official Kardashian-endorsed Twitter account by noon where I can message him/her.) Dear Kimye, Jr., declare emancipation now or put yourself up for adoption. Do it now before your parents name you something stupid like Kornell.
2012 Year in Review
Goodbye 2012! What a year it has been! One year ago this was a little blog that was read by 70 people. A great day for me was 300 pageviews. I got a taste of Elfie Magic and the rest is history. I've written a lot this year and some of my posts were well-received and some were flat out duds. Let's not focus on the duds though, shall we? I've had some opportunities to write for other publications and I've won a couple of awards. Most importantly, I've had a blast this year! 2012 was a great year for me and I can't wait for 2013!
Here is my 2012 YEAR IN REVIEW:
Top Read Posts This Year:
1. Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - Duh. This was the post that started it all. I assume that by now you've all read this one, but in case you haven't, go ahead and read it now. I really appreciate all of the emails, messages, comments and tweets I've received this year about this post. I'm thrilled to know it made so many of you laugh and cry all at the same time. There is nothing more humbling than to have someone say "you validate me." All I can say is, YOU validate ME. Thank you for reading!
2. Rules for Parents of Daughters - This list has been passed around Pinterest like a hot potato. It was written after my list for boys actually, but it's been more popular. While the boy's list is tongue in cheek, this one is a bit more honest. I would actually teach Adolpha the majority of these rules. There are two rules on here that I get a bit grief over. Number 1 where I say don't be anyone's "property" and then in the same breath I say I'd "disown" her. I get asked, How can I disown her if she's not my property? Fair enough. Maybe I should have said I would "disinherit" her. I would cut her out of my will and kick her out of my house if she ever wore "Property of some jackhole" on her butt. It may not have been the best choice of word, but the meaning is there. The other rule I hear about it is number 19 don't let your daughter marry young. I have heard from a number of women out there who married young and are blissfully happy, thank you very much! Good for you. I'm glad for you. HOWEVER, in my experience the majority of the women I've known who married young end up divorced. I married later in life and I would recommend that for my own daughter. I would like her to travel and live on her own and explore her world before she settles down into a marriage.
3. Open Letter to Beyonce and Jay-Z - This was written when Beyonce and Jay-Z had their baby and there was a bit of a scandal about them taking over the hospital and denying NICU parents access to their kids. As a former NICU parent this story really got me angry and I just couldn't stop myself. I got a A LOT of heat for writing this. However, a few days after I wrote this, I receive an email from one of the parents who had been locked out. She thanked me. I thought that was pretty awesome and I didn't care anymore about the heat.
4. Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited - This was the repost of the original. Between the two, they both had some serious legs again this season.
5. Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard to Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons - There was a really sweet and sappy list circulating around the web about rules for boys. I read the list and realized I needed to write my own. This list is meant to be a joke, but lots of people have sticks up their asses and humor is lost on so many. Read the comments sometime, they are priceless. So many asshole men (seriously, where is the bridge these guys live under?) tell me I'm a terrible mother and I'm ruining my son because I wanted to teach him to sit on the toilet. I can't imagine what they hope to gain with comments like these? Like I'm going to wake up one day and say, "Jim4534 says I'm a terrible mother and I need to do a better job. I think I will! Thank you, Jim4534 for helping me see the light and be a better mother. You are a good man to share your knowledge with me!" (Asshole.)
6. The Overachievers Are at it Again - This one really pissed me off. We'd finally put away the elves and moved on to a holiday I didn't think the overachievers could butcher - Valentine's Day. One mom brought out her elf for Valentine's Day (ugh) while my Pinterest feed literally exploded with asinine ideas of simply ah-may-zing and adorable crafts. I noticed just last night my Pinterest feed was blowing up with V'day already. Seriously, people, get a grip!
7. Time Magazine - Remember that Time magazine cover with the breastfeeding pre-K kid and his hot mom? Yeah, I had to write about them. I wrote that hot attachment parents were as rare as Yetis. Let me tell you, never do that. Those hot AP moms can get as angry as Yetis. I received pictures and pictures of smoking AP moms. I should have made a calendar of them this year. However, I received more pictures from hippie AP moms posing with their Subaru wagons.
8. Things I Could Do Before I Had Children - One evening I went out for a makeover with the girls and realized that somehow I've become a mom. Suddenly I remembered all the things I used to take for granted - like shower without an audience.
9. Jen's Top 11 Favorite Posts - I put this up a few months ago. I was getting so many new followers and many didn't know where to begin since the blog is a bit . . . voluminous. (What can I say? I have a big mouth.) These aren't necessarily my best posts, but they're my favorites.
10. Top 10 Reasons to "Love Me" or "Get With Me" - This is a very unique post. This was the very first guest post by the Hubs. He won't let me forget that HIS romantic and sweet list is one of my top 10 most read posts.
Year End Book Update:
My book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat did very well this holiday season. It maintained it's best seller status since it's debut. At one point it was number one in all of its categories on Amazon. I don't really expect it to sell much in the coming months since it's more of a Christmas book, but I do think it will be a perennial favorite and will find an audience every year. I've been trying to figure out a way to reposition it for other holidays. I think it would be perfect for President's Day. President's Day is often overlooked and rarely does anyone exchange gifts on that day. I think we could start a tradition of giving PIWTPITT's book to your friends and family in honor of President's Day.
Seriously, I was really thrilled with the sales and I appreciate all of you have purchased the book and left me reviews! I also like seeing all of you on Goodreads and snooping at what you're reading!
I've started working on two upcoming books at this point. I hope to have them ready by spring and summer. Fingers crossed!
Other Stuff I Did This Year:
I was featured on Huffington Post and Headline News and Babble this year. I participated in some contests this year: Top 25 Funny Moms (first place) and Top 25 Book Author Moms (first place loser) at Circle of Moms. BlogHer chose me as a Voice of the Year.
My Pinterest boards look ah-MAY-zing. You should totally stop by and check them out.
Have you been to PIWTPITT's Message Boards yet? There are some great discussions over there.
Did you go to the Friend's Party? I had so much fun and I'll definitely plan another in 2013!
I'm working on my 2013 Resolutions, so stop back tomorrow and see what goals I've set for myself for the new year!
Here is my 2012 YEAR IN REVIEW:
Top Read Posts This Year:
1. Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - Duh. This was the post that started it all. I assume that by now you've all read this one, but in case you haven't, go ahead and read it now. I really appreciate all of the emails, messages, comments and tweets I've received this year about this post. I'm thrilled to know it made so many of you laugh and cry all at the same time. There is nothing more humbling than to have someone say "you validate me." All I can say is, YOU validate ME. Thank you for reading!
2. Rules for Parents of Daughters - This list has been passed around Pinterest like a hot potato. It was written after my list for boys actually, but it's been more popular. While the boy's list is tongue in cheek, this one is a bit more honest. I would actually teach Adolpha the majority of these rules. There are two rules on here that I get a bit grief over. Number 1 where I say don't be anyone's "property" and then in the same breath I say I'd "disown" her. I get asked, How can I disown her if she's not my property? Fair enough. Maybe I should have said I would "disinherit" her. I would cut her out of my will and kick her out of my house if she ever wore "Property of some jackhole" on her butt. It may not have been the best choice of word, but the meaning is there. The other rule I hear about it is number 19 don't let your daughter marry young. I have heard from a number of women out there who married young and are blissfully happy, thank you very much! Good for you. I'm glad for you. HOWEVER, in my experience the majority of the women I've known who married young end up divorced. I married later in life and I would recommend that for my own daughter. I would like her to travel and live on her own and explore her world before she settles down into a marriage.
3. Open Letter to Beyonce and Jay-Z - This was written when Beyonce and Jay-Z had their baby and there was a bit of a scandal about them taking over the hospital and denying NICU parents access to their kids. As a former NICU parent this story really got me angry and I just couldn't stop myself. I got a A LOT of heat for writing this. However, a few days after I wrote this, I receive an email from one of the parents who had been locked out. She thanked me. I thought that was pretty awesome and I didn't care anymore about the heat.
4. Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited - This was the repost of the original. Between the two, they both had some serious legs again this season.
5. Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard to Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons - There was a really sweet and sappy list circulating around the web about rules for boys. I read the list and realized I needed to write my own. This list is meant to be a joke, but lots of people have sticks up their asses and humor is lost on so many. Read the comments sometime, they are priceless. So many asshole men (seriously, where is the bridge these guys live under?) tell me I'm a terrible mother and I'm ruining my son because I wanted to teach him to sit on the toilet. I can't imagine what they hope to gain with comments like these? Like I'm going to wake up one day and say, "Jim4534 says I'm a terrible mother and I need to do a better job. I think I will! Thank you, Jim4534 for helping me see the light and be a better mother. You are a good man to share your knowledge with me!" (Asshole.)
6. The Overachievers Are at it Again - This one really pissed me off. We'd finally put away the elves and moved on to a holiday I didn't think the overachievers could butcher - Valentine's Day. One mom brought out her elf for Valentine's Day (ugh) while my Pinterest feed literally exploded with asinine ideas of simply ah-may-zing and adorable crafts. I noticed just last night my Pinterest feed was blowing up with V'day already. Seriously, people, get a grip!
7. Time Magazine - Remember that Time magazine cover with the breastfeeding pre-K kid and his hot mom? Yeah, I had to write about them. I wrote that hot attachment parents were as rare as Yetis. Let me tell you, never do that. Those hot AP moms can get as angry as Yetis. I received pictures and pictures of smoking AP moms. I should have made a calendar of them this year. However, I received more pictures from hippie AP moms posing with their Subaru wagons.
8. Things I Could Do Before I Had Children - One evening I went out for a makeover with the girls and realized that somehow I've become a mom. Suddenly I remembered all the things I used to take for granted - like shower without an audience.
9. Jen's Top 11 Favorite Posts - I put this up a few months ago. I was getting so many new followers and many didn't know where to begin since the blog is a bit . . . voluminous. (What can I say? I have a big mouth.) These aren't necessarily my best posts, but they're my favorites.
10. Top 10 Reasons to "Love Me" or "Get With Me" - This is a very unique post. This was the very first guest post by the Hubs. He won't let me forget that HIS romantic and sweet list is one of my top 10 most read posts.
Year End Book Update:
My book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat did very well this holiday season. It maintained it's best seller status since it's debut. At one point it was number one in all of its categories on Amazon. I don't really expect it to sell much in the coming months since it's more of a Christmas book, but I do think it will be a perennial favorite and will find an audience every year. I've been trying to figure out a way to reposition it for other holidays. I think it would be perfect for President's Day. President's Day is often overlooked and rarely does anyone exchange gifts on that day. I think we could start a tradition of giving PIWTPITT's book to your friends and family in honor of President's Day.
Seriously, I was really thrilled with the sales and I appreciate all of you have purchased the book and left me reviews! I also like seeing all of you on Goodreads and snooping at what you're reading!
I've started working on two upcoming books at this point. I hope to have them ready by spring and summer. Fingers crossed!
Other Stuff I Did This Year:
I was featured on Huffington Post and Headline News and Babble this year. I participated in some contests this year: Top 25 Funny Moms (first place) and Top 25 Book Author Moms (first place loser) at Circle of Moms. BlogHer chose me as a Voice of the Year.
My Pinterest boards look ah-MAY-zing. You should totally stop by and check them out.
Have you been to PIWTPITT's Message Boards yet? There are some great discussions over there.
Did you go to the Friend's Party? I had so much fun and I'll definitely plan another in 2013!
I'm working on my 2013 Resolutions, so stop back tomorrow and see what goals I've set for myself for the new year!
December 30, 2012
Weekly Wrap Up 12.29.12
The final Weekly Wrap Up of 2012! This week I spent a lot of time with my kids and the Hubs. We watched DVDs, played games and did some shopping. I didn't get much writing done, but it didn't seem like people missed me too much, the number of comments I received this week was positively depressing.
Top Read Posts This Week:
Overachieving Elf on the Shelf (Versions 1 and 2) - Surely you've read this one by now?
2012 Resolution Recap - How Did I Do? - I went through my 2012 list of resolutions. Read this and see how I did.
Elva the Elf - We got a second Elf and we gave her a family name.
People Who Get Me and My Family Sick - This was a repost from last year, but will all of the sickness floating around this week, it seemed appropriate.
Thanks, Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess.
Book Update:
The Christmas holidays are over, but the book is still here. Don't forget what a nice gift this would make for just about any holiday. How about Arbor Day or Secretaries Day? Nothing says "I love trees" and/or "Get me some coffee" like a copy of Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat .
My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):
I usually try to make one, very simple resolution (like 'drink more water' or 'hang up my coat instead of throwing it on the couch') but this year I decided to run 20-12mile runs in 2012. And I did it!! For 2013 I think I will go back to the 'drink more water' kind of resolutions. on 2012 Resolution Recap - How Did I Do?
Wow. Good for you. I'm totally stealing "drink more water" as one of mine for 2013. I only run if someone is chasing me. With a knife.
I totally would have taken the ornaments back for my own tree, seeing as your kids made them, but I did like the way you handled this with your grandmother and your aunt. Loved the guilt trip and too funny how Uncle Filbert got thrown right under that bus without anyone even blinking an eye, lol!! on
Lucky for us, my cousin has decided she would like them. She is just as sentimental as my kids so I know she will take good care of them and give them a place of honor (like they deserve).
Don't punch me in the throat, but if she doesn't want them... I mean think about how old she is. She has like 80 years (or whatever) of keepsakes. That's a lot of pressure if she's expected to love and cherish every one. on
I agree. However, she can trash the other great-grandkids' keepsakes, not the ones my little sweet peas made with their own little hands.
A few years ago, I took my older kids artwork and handmade ornaments out of their keepsake boxes and culled through it.I framed the stuff I really loved(using thrift store frames) and pitched the rest.Their handmade ornaments look great as art-I put them out at Christmas as part of my decorations. The best part is I really enjoy the ornaments/art now instead of it sitting in a drawer. on
Maybe I'll make one of these for my grandma for next year. I think she would really enjoy giving it away.
Reading this gave me flashbacks of the Christmas that my father in law gave no less that 8 of us Norovirus because my MIL was so fkn selfish about the holiday. on People Who Get Me and My Family Sick
I used to teach preschool and we had a little boy walk in the door and vomit one morning. His mother said, "Oh my goodness, let me go grab him another shirt!" We thought she meant from her car but she came back several minutes later with a new shirt which she got from HOME and sang out, "OK, see you later!" She was shocked, SHOCKED, when we told her, no ma'am, he can't stay here now. At this same school, I got the same pissy remarks from my boss as you did when I stayed home with strep. Because it makes total sense that I should come in and infect my entire class and fellow teachers. on People Who Get Me and My Family Sick
My mother in law is named Elva. She is Australian. Before her I had never heard the name before. 7!!! on Elva the Elf
Looks like we only found 7 "Elvas." OK, Hipsters, it's time for a reboot of this old lady name.
So glad the Punch clan is enjoying Elva! Now the pressure is on times two to move them around. And you'll be happy to know that one of my kids received Doggy Doo this year. on Elva the Elf
Thank you again for sending us Elva. I even restrained myself from posing her and Choppy Elfie in "inappropriate" positions. Mostly because I was worried I'd forget and leave them doggy style. Whoops.
Top Read Posts This Week:
Overachieving Elf on the Shelf (Versions 1 and 2) - Surely you've read this one by now?
2012 Resolution Recap - How Did I Do? - I went through my 2012 list of resolutions. Read this and see how I did.
Elva the Elf - We got a second Elf and we gave her a family name.
People Who Get Me and My Family Sick - This was a repost from last year, but will all of the sickness floating around this week, it seemed appropriate.
Thanks, Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess.
Book Update:
The Christmas holidays are over, but the book is still here. Don't forget what a nice gift this would make for just about any holiday. How about Arbor Day or Secretaries Day? Nothing says "I love trees" and/or "Get me some coffee" like a copy of Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat .
My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):
I usually try to make one, very simple resolution (like 'drink more water' or 'hang up my coat instead of throwing it on the couch') but this year I decided to run 20-12mile runs in 2012. And I did it!! For 2013 I think I will go back to the 'drink more water' kind of resolutions. on 2012 Resolution Recap - How Did I Do?
Wow. Good for you. I'm totally stealing "drink more water" as one of mine for 2013. I only run if someone is chasing me. With a knife.
I totally would have taken the ornaments back for my own tree, seeing as your kids made them, but I did like the way you handled this with your grandmother and your aunt. Loved the guilt trip and too funny how Uncle Filbert got thrown right under that bus without anyone even blinking an eye, lol!! on
Lucky for us, my cousin has decided she would like them. She is just as sentimental as my kids so I know she will take good care of them and give them a place of honor (like they deserve).
Don't punch me in the throat, but if she doesn't want them... I mean think about how old she is. She has like 80 years (or whatever) of keepsakes. That's a lot of pressure if she's expected to love and cherish every one. on
I agree. However, she can trash the other great-grandkids' keepsakes, not the ones my little sweet peas made with their own little hands.
A few years ago, I took my older kids artwork and handmade ornaments out of their keepsake boxes and culled through it.I framed the stuff I really loved(using thrift store frames) and pitched the rest.Their handmade ornaments look great as art-I put them out at Christmas as part of my decorations. The best part is I really enjoy the ornaments/art now instead of it sitting in a drawer. on
Maybe I'll make one of these for my grandma for next year. I think she would really enjoy giving it away.
Reading this gave me flashbacks of the Christmas that my father in law gave no less that 8 of us Norovirus because my MIL was so fkn selfish about the holiday. on People Who Get Me and My Family Sick
I used to teach preschool and we had a little boy walk in the door and vomit one morning. His mother said, "Oh my goodness, let me go grab him another shirt!" We thought she meant from her car but she came back several minutes later with a new shirt which she got from HOME and sang out, "OK, see you later!" She was shocked, SHOCKED, when we told her, no ma'am, he can't stay here now. At this same school, I got the same pissy remarks from my boss as you did when I stayed home with strep. Because it makes total sense that I should come in and infect my entire class and fellow teachers. on People Who Get Me and My Family Sick
My mother in law is named Elva. She is Australian. Before her I had never heard the name before. 7!!! on Elva the Elf
Looks like we only found 7 "Elvas." OK, Hipsters, it's time for a reboot of this old lady name.
So glad the Punch clan is enjoying Elva! Now the pressure is on times two to move them around. And you'll be happy to know that one of my kids received Doggy Doo this year. on Elva the Elf
Thank you again for sending us Elva. I even restrained myself from posing her and Choppy Elfie in "inappropriate" positions. Mostly because I was worried I'd forget and leave them doggy style. Whoops.
