Michaela Haas's Blog
June 12, 2017
Is Mold Making You Sick?
Science journalist Julie Rehmeyer was so sick she sometimes couldn’t turn over in bed. The top specialists in the world were
Published on June 12, 2017 08:44
May 17, 2017
Mr. Rudolpho’s Jubilee - Emmy Winner Stars in Enchantingly Original Film
Mr. Rudolpho’s Jubilee is a genre-defying mash-up of romance, comedy, musical, and crime-drama. Emmy winner Christiane Paul
Published on May 17, 2017 21:30
March 17, 2017
The Art of Being Unbound
An interview with the artist, former nun, and latex lover Damcho Dyson about the different masks we wear and awakening to
Published on March 17, 2017 08:16
November 7, 2016
August 29, 2016
Writer's Block? Resistance? How to Let Your Creativity Off the Leash
Eighty percent of people want to write a book. But only a few ever complete the task. Why? Writing coach Deb Norton helps writers harness their creativity.
Published on August 29, 2016 13:42
Writer's Block? Resistance? How to Let Your Creativity Off the Leash
<![CDATA[Eighty percent of people want to write a book. But only a few ever complete the task. Why? Writing coach Deb Norton helps writers harness their creativity.]]>
Published on August 29, 2016 09:42
May 25, 2016
Phoenix Rising From Fire
Thirty years ago, nine-year-old John O'Leary was rushed to the emergency room. As he lay in a hospital bed, he frantically wondered if he was about to die. He had suffered burns covering 100 percent of his body and was given less than one percent chance of survival.
Published on May 25, 2016 10:04
February 10, 2016
Surviving Valentine's Day, a Practical Guide to Healing from Heartbreak
Published on February 10, 2016 06:42
Surviving Valentine's Day, a Practical Guide to Healing from Heartbreak
Yeah, I know: The ads for candlelight dinners, the roses on coworkers' desks, the pulsating hearts in every shop window - Valentine`s Day is hard to survive when you`re single. After I found out that my husband was cheating on me while I was bedridden, I didn't "celebrate" the day of love for five years. I avoided any tinge of romance like the plague. When I met someone new, I led with the line, 'I`m not interested in dating. I will NEVER date again.'
Then I discovered loving kindness meditation. Now I believe that more essential than finding someone who loves me is connecting with my own capacity to love. Without loving ourselves, we cannot find love, at least not the true kind of love where we don't just use others to fulfill our needs. We cannot truly be there for others if we don't take care of ourselves, yet very often we neglect the person we rely on the most: ourselves.
By loving ourselves, I don't mean cherishing I, me, and mine. I am talking about making friends with ourselves--a true, honest, warm friendship. Loving ourselves begins with taking care of ourselves: Getting sleep, physical exercise, and eating healthily are basic steps toward fulfilment.
As obvious as this sounds, I have plenty of stressed out clients who don't take care of the basics. Often we're too heartbroken, but even more often, there is a reason we don't prioritize ourselves: underneath, we don't feel worthy or deserving. Maybe we made a terrible mistake, or think we're "just not good enough."
In our modern culture, we hype the ego, yet we neglect our true selves. We place enormous emphasis on our means, and less on our life's meaning. What we look like is considered more important than what we are like. Self-respect and self-infatuation are two very different traits. They are, in fact, opposites. Accepting ourselves does not mean denying negative feelings or habits we need to work on; but only by not judging ourselves can we work to change them.
What to do
Prioritize yourself by taking just a few minutes a day to focus on your own joy. Try a simple loving kindness meditation for starters: Find a quiet, soothing place with no smartphones or other interruptions. Light a candle if you want. Sit in a comfortable posture, relaxed and upright. Take a few minutes to settle by paying attention to your breath and the present moment. Then focus on your heart region and think about a person for whom you have very warm, positive feelings. It could be someone you are very grateful to, someone who got you out of a jam. It is best to begin with someone who is alive and with whom you have an uncomplicated, easy relationship, perhaps a child. Allow the warm feeling of gratitude and love flush over you.
Then replace the focus on the breath with these thoughts:
"May you enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness."
"May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
You can place the thought on the inbreath and outbreath.
Breathing in, "May you enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness."
Breathing out, "May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
Keep repeating the wish for happiness, sending this person warm feelings, maybe in the form of light or love. What does this person look like when she or he is happy?
Next, extend this warm feeling to yourself.
"May I enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness.
May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
Spend several minutes sending yourself feelings of happiness and kindness, healing and love, whatever you need. Picture yourself happy. Don't overthink things. You can put your palm on your heart region to help you connect with your innate goodness. Stay with the feeling of warmth and kindness. If your thoughts ramble or the snarling comment of your ex pops up from outer space, simply redirect your attention to the breath and the wish to be happy.
Why it works
Loving kindness (called metta in the ancient language of Pali) has been practiced for thousands for years, and the phrases I am suggesting are taken from some of the oldest Buddhist (and Hindu) scriptures. They have a 2,000-year-old proven track record, but this simple, secular version can be enjoyed by all. I find it assuring that modern science has evidenced the benefits of the practice. In a landmark study, Barbara Frederickson and her colleagues at the University of North Carolina showed that "practicing seven weeks of loving-kindness meditation increased love, joy, contentment, gratitude, pride, hope, interest, amusement, and awe."
University of Texas psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff has studied self-compassion for more than a decade and has found studies that show it not only helps trauma survivors to deal better with upsetting events, but it makes it easier for us to forgive. She recognizes three components of self-compassion: kindness, a sense of common humanity, and mindfulness. "An ever-increasing body of research suggests that self-compassion enables people to suffer less while also helping them to thrive," she says. "One of the most consistent findings in the research literature is that greater self-compassion is linked to less anxiety and depression."[i] While harsh self-criticism elevates our stress hormone levels, a brief exercise in loving kindness for ourselves can lower them.
By practicing loving kindness for ourselves, we enhance our ability to generate positive emotions, even when we face a distressing situation.
Take it further
One of the things I enjoy most about this practice is that we can do it in formal meditation first, but then we can carry it into daily life. When self-destructive thoughts arise, remember to return to your breath and send loving kindness to yourself. When you pass that romantically decorated shopping window or the lovebirds in the restaurant on Valentine`s Day, put your palm on your heart region and send yourself some kindness. I`ve included a step-by-step guide in Bouncing Forward, and I recommend Sharon Salzberg's classic Lovingkindness for in-depth guidance.
And then eventually, after several weeks of daily practice, you could widen the circle to include "difficult" people in your life. Don't start with your ex or your biggest enemy--just begin to include people you have some difficulties with. Don't expect or force yourself to feel a certain way. It's called "practice," not "perfect."
One day you`ll be able to include your ex.
Then I discovered loving kindness meditation. Now I believe that more essential than finding someone who loves me is connecting with my own capacity to love. Without loving ourselves, we cannot find love, at least not the true kind of love where we don't just use others to fulfill our needs. We cannot truly be there for others if we don't take care of ourselves, yet very often we neglect the person we rely on the most: ourselves.
By loving ourselves, I don't mean cherishing I, me, and mine. I am talking about making friends with ourselves--a true, honest, warm friendship. Loving ourselves begins with taking care of ourselves: Getting sleep, physical exercise, and eating healthily are basic steps toward fulfilment.
As obvious as this sounds, I have plenty of stressed out clients who don't take care of the basics. Often we're too heartbroken, but even more often, there is a reason we don't prioritize ourselves: underneath, we don't feel worthy or deserving. Maybe we made a terrible mistake, or think we're "just not good enough."
In our modern culture, we hype the ego, yet we neglect our true selves. We place enormous emphasis on our means, and less on our life's meaning. What we look like is considered more important than what we are like. Self-respect and self-infatuation are two very different traits. They are, in fact, opposites. Accepting ourselves does not mean denying negative feelings or habits we need to work on; but only by not judging ourselves can we work to change them.
What to do
Prioritize yourself by taking just a few minutes a day to focus on your own joy. Try a simple loving kindness meditation for starters: Find a quiet, soothing place with no smartphones or other interruptions. Light a candle if you want. Sit in a comfortable posture, relaxed and upright. Take a few minutes to settle by paying attention to your breath and the present moment. Then focus on your heart region and think about a person for whom you have very warm, positive feelings. It could be someone you are very grateful to, someone who got you out of a jam. It is best to begin with someone who is alive and with whom you have an uncomplicated, easy relationship, perhaps a child. Allow the warm feeling of gratitude and love flush over you.
Then replace the focus on the breath with these thoughts:
"May you enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness."
"May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
You can place the thought on the inbreath and outbreath.
Breathing in, "May you enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness."
Breathing out, "May you be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
Keep repeating the wish for happiness, sending this person warm feelings, maybe in the form of light or love. What does this person look like when she or he is happy?
Next, extend this warm feeling to yourself.
"May I enjoy happiness and the causes of happiness.
May I be free from suffering and the causes of suffering."
Spend several minutes sending yourself feelings of happiness and kindness, healing and love, whatever you need. Picture yourself happy. Don't overthink things. You can put your palm on your heart region to help you connect with your innate goodness. Stay with the feeling of warmth and kindness. If your thoughts ramble or the snarling comment of your ex pops up from outer space, simply redirect your attention to the breath and the wish to be happy.
Why it works
Loving kindness (called metta in the ancient language of Pali) has been practiced for thousands for years, and the phrases I am suggesting are taken from some of the oldest Buddhist (and Hindu) scriptures. They have a 2,000-year-old proven track record, but this simple, secular version can be enjoyed by all. I find it assuring that modern science has evidenced the benefits of the practice. In a landmark study, Barbara Frederickson and her colleagues at the University of North Carolina showed that "practicing seven weeks of loving-kindness meditation increased love, joy, contentment, gratitude, pride, hope, interest, amusement, and awe."
University of Texas psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff has studied self-compassion for more than a decade and has found studies that show it not only helps trauma survivors to deal better with upsetting events, but it makes it easier for us to forgive. She recognizes three components of self-compassion: kindness, a sense of common humanity, and mindfulness. "An ever-increasing body of research suggests that self-compassion enables people to suffer less while also helping them to thrive," she says. "One of the most consistent findings in the research literature is that greater self-compassion is linked to less anxiety and depression."[i] While harsh self-criticism elevates our stress hormone levels, a brief exercise in loving kindness for ourselves can lower them.
By practicing loving kindness for ourselves, we enhance our ability to generate positive emotions, even when we face a distressing situation.
Take it further
One of the things I enjoy most about this practice is that we can do it in formal meditation first, but then we can carry it into daily life. When self-destructive thoughts arise, remember to return to your breath and send loving kindness to yourself. When you pass that romantically decorated shopping window or the lovebirds in the restaurant on Valentine`s Day, put your palm on your heart region and send yourself some kindness. I`ve included a step-by-step guide in Bouncing Forward, and I recommend Sharon Salzberg's classic Lovingkindness for in-depth guidance.
And then eventually, after several weeks of daily practice, you could widen the circle to include "difficult" people in your life. Don't start with your ex or your biggest enemy--just begin to include people you have some difficulties with. Don't expect or force yourself to feel a certain way. It's called "practice," not "perfect."
One day you`ll be able to include your ex.
Published on February 10, 2016 05:35
January 27, 2016
An Interview With the Unabomber's Brother
A deeply personal encounter with David Kaczynski and Linda Patrik, family members of the man who was once the most sought after terrorist in America.
We meet in the middle of nowhere, a vast prairie in the Southwest. David Kaczynski and his wife Linda Patrik don't want it to be known where exactly they live, even after all these years. "My brother has a fan club," David says. Theodore "Ted" Kaczynski, the Unabomber, was once the most sought after terrorist in the US. Between 1978 and 1995, he mailed 16 bombs, killed three people, and injured 23. The FBI dubbed him the Unabomber, because he sent his bombs to universities and airlines. In David Kaczynski's forthcoming book Every Last Tie: The Story of the Unabomber and His Family (Duke University Press Books), he tells the story for the first time from his own perspective. Ted Kaczynski got a life sentence, but in some ways, his family did, too.
Michaela Haas: Why did you spend the last 20 years advocating against the death penalty?
David Kaczynski: Because the death penalty is a false solution; it just causes more pain. After the Unabomber crisis, I became a man on a mission, committed to putting a human face on my mentally ill brother and changing people's minds about the death penalty. The question is: How do we heal? How do we heal in a way that actually helps transform society? Over a 15-year period, I travelled to 39 states and gave more than a thousand public speeches in which I repeated my painful family story endlessly and outlined the reasons why I thought capital punishment was a terrible mistake.
Is this why you have reached out to many of your brother's victims?
DK: After Ted was arrested and we were haunted by the media, I got quite depressed and I went through this "poor-me" phase, because the government had betrayed us. They had assured us nobody would ever know that it was us who identified my brother as the Unabomber, but the same day my brother was arrested in April 1996, that same government turned into a leaky sieve of information about the Kaczynskis. Linda gave me a tough love talk, reminding me that others suffered much more, "You've got to think about all the other people who got hurt, it is not about you." I understood that I was part of a much bigger picture of suffering. Not long after that I decided to write letters to the victims and apologize. Most of them didn't respond, but I ended up having a phone call with one of them, Gary Wright, who became a very good friend. We need to make the world wider than our ego.
How did you realize that your brother was the Unabomber?
DK: I would never have guessed it. To me, he was my big brother I had always admired. The brother who had genuine empathy for children, animals, and people living on the margins of society.. The brother who looked out for me. The last time I saw him was in 1986, and I did not suspect anything. Then he broke off all contact. At its peak, 125 FBI agents were searching for the Unabomber full-time, but in the end it was Linda, a private citizen, who had never even met him, who cracked the case.
Linda Patrik: I was the one who first thought his brother was the man they were looking for, and it took me three or four months to convince David that this was a real possibility.

Ted, 9, and David Kaczynski, 2, with their parakeet in 1952. Photo: Courtesy David Kaczynski
It's astonishing to me that you had this intuition though you had never met him.
LP: He wrote us letters that made it clear to me that he wasn't mentally well. He told us he had a heart condition and was seeing a woman doctor in Montana, but in his letters to us he described how he wanted to date this woman (in 1991), and it was very creepy. I convinced David to take these letters to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist agreed that Ted was disturbed, but when we asked if anything could be done, the psychiatrist said that this was virtually impossible, because Ted hadn't committed any crimes. David phoned the doctor and followed up with a letter hoping to have his brother referred for mental health treatment
In reality, though, he had already committed crimes.
DK: Yes, he started in 1978, but the FBI concealed all the information. They had the strategy that they didn't want the public to know what they knew. After my friend Gary was hurt in 1987, the FBI acknowledged for the first time that these different events might be linked.
LP: In August 1995, I couldn't keep my suspicion to myself anymore. We were actually in Paris, on a trip celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary, when I asked David: Do you think your brother might be the Unabomber?
DK: I thought this was out of the question. Then we went through the process of comparing my brother's letters to the Unabomber's manifesto that the New York Times published in September 1995. When I read the manifesto I was no longer completely dismissive, but I still thought we would find out he wasn't. So it was a slow process for me to catch up with Linda's intuition.
Where were you when your brother was arrested in his hut in Montana in April 1996?
DK: We watched it on TV. I have never seen anybody who looked so tattered and bedraggled. They found a bomb under his bed, ready to be sent. So we had done the right thing. Immediately, the media hounded us. Reporters somehow gained access to our bank records. They dug through our garbage. They called our unlisted numbers. They besieged our friends and relatives with interview requests. It felt as if we had not a shred of privacy or dignity left.
I'm surprised you speak with the media at all.
DK: The media later became our ally when we fought against the death penalty. It would have been much easier for me to turn my brother in if I didn't potentially surrender him to being executed. I thought it would kill my 79-year-old mother too, having to watch the execution of her son, because her other son turned in his brother.
How did you help spare your brother the death penalty?
LP: Do you know about the Harvard experiments? Ted was highly intelligent and was admitted to Harvard University when he was only 16. They did a psychological study about him when he entered college as a freshman, and it showed indications of schizophrenia. Instead of helping him, or informing the family, they conducted experiments that some trace back to the CIA. Harvard was one of the few major universities that had not signed an agreement after World War II not to conduct experiments with human beings without telling them what the experiment is about and obtaining "informed consent" from the participants. They selected the most maladjusted, most alienated freshman. David's brother was the second worst in terms of maladjustment.
DK: Every week for three years, someone met with him to verbally abuse him and humiliate him. He never told us about the experiments, but we noticed how he changed. He became harder, more defensive in his interactions with people. If the case had gone to trial, what happened to Ted as a helpless guinea pig in a government-funded study would have come out in open court.
Why did you decide to publish the book now?
DK: Our story has been told so many times by other people. Almost always it came out a little wrong. I wanted to set the record straight and tell it from my perspective. It is also to memorialize a family, our parents, who were the best parents they knew how to be. And then I guess, I would like people to take away some degree of empathy, have greater awareness regarding mental illness and the struggles many families experience when a family member becomes sick. A lot of people have stereotypical notions about mental illness. i.e. that a person is completely disconnected from reality, or that none of Ted's ideas could be valid if he's "crazy." I think it is much more complicated. What I see in his diaries is a person drowning in their pain and loneliness and totally losing perspective on who they are, what the world is and what it means to be human. This is someone I once loves, and still love. Because I know his potential, the goodness buried in him somewhere. If there is something I would like the book to do is for people to think less simplistically about mental illness, to take it seriously and to understand it as a much more complex phenomena.
You have worked with at-youth-risk, as the director of New Yorkers Against the Death Penalty, and as an advocate who met with countless family members of other terrorists or their victims. Did you find the healing you were seeking?
DK: Yes and no. Yes, because through this work I have met so many incredible people. It is quite hard to listen to their stories, and yet inspiring, because they all have this arc of spiritual epiphany of some kind.
And no, because I promised my mother on her deathbed not to give up on my brother, and yet he denies me any opportunity for reconciliation. I still write to him in the Supermax prison in Colorado. I never get a response. Maybe one day the door will open.
Read the full interview here
Published on January 27, 2016 15:40