Dave Barry's Blog, page 3999
April 23, 2009
COUGAR ATTACK UPDATE
A 52-year-old woman who took a job as an exotic dancer to help make ends meet was attacked on her first day by a jealous co-worker armed with a stiletto shoe, police said. (Thanks to Danny)
APOCALYPSE UPDATE
(Thanks to catmanmax)
HOW DESPERATE ARE WE?
People camp out for a year's worth of Chick-fil-A. (Thanks to Jesse Sarles)
GOOD TO KNOW
What to do if you encounter a cougar (Thanks to trustf8)
SO WE'RE GUESSING SHE DIDN'T CATCH THE BRIDAL BOUQUET
A Queens woman charges that a wedding guest from hell turned her dream nuptials into a sordid affair she can never forget by screaming, tossing a drink at another guest -- and, worst of all, declaring she was sleeping with...
THEY FEAR NOTHING, EXCEPT A WEED WHACKER
Iranian snipers. (Thanks to Ralph)
CREEPING FASCISM UPDATE
Soon we will have no fundamental human rights left. (Thanks to nursecindy)
THE OWNER IS GOING TO BE REALLY TICKED OFF
Bomb Squad Detonates Suspicious Bag, Finds Feces (Thanks to Siouxie)
HUH?
Chewing gum may raise math grades in teens Key Fact: "The study was funded by chewing gum maker Wrigley." (Thanks to Cynthia)
CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE MORNING SO FAR
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. – Police are looking for a pregnant woman they say tried to rob a North Carolina bank at gunpoint but left empty-handed after answering her cell phone. (Thanks to Cynthia)
