Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 7

Therapy & Theology on the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast

Are there struggles that you or the people you love can’t seem to get past?

Are there any hurts or parts of your life that you’re afraid you just aren’t ever going to recover from?



I deeply understand.



The difficult journey my family and I have walked through over the past few years isn’t one I ever would have purposefully chosen for us. But God has been showing me that He truly can use ALL things for good.



And where I know the enemy hoped he could silence me, I have ended up more determined than ever to help those in the fight of their lives to cling to Biblical Truth and hope. That’s why I am so thankful to have teamed up with my personal, professional counselors Michael Cusick and Jim Cress along with my friend and director of theology at Proverbs 31 Ministries Joel Muddamalle to create the episodes in the “Therapy & Theology” podcast series.



If you’re stuck in a place of feeling like you’ll never get over the hurt you’re facing or get past your struggles, we would love to help you recognize small steps you can start taking today to see some of the changes you’ve been waiting for.



For this series, we’ve combined helpful therapy and important theology to help you navigate your challening relationships and circumstances. We’ve recently covered topics such as pornography, trust issues, healing from infidelity, narcissism, and anxiety.



To listen, click the name of each episode below or visit your favorite podcast app and search for the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast and look for the episodes in the Therapy & Theology series!



PORNOGRAPHY: What if the real struggle behind pornography was actually a deep longing for fullness in Christ?



1. What does pornography have to do with our relationship with God?



2. The 6 broken promises of pornography



TRUST ISSUES: Reading a passage of Scripture about trusting God is so easy, but actually living out trust isn’t so easy, right? Trust is an important factor in all of our relationships. So when our trust gets broken with people, it often affects our trust in God.



3. Why do I have trust issues?



NARCISSISM: It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? And, how does it affect our lives and what do we do if we’re in a relationship with a narcissist?



4. Narcissism … What it is and what it isn’t



5. Relational realities with a narcissist



ANXIETY: Together we will unpack depression and anxiety, and also help you identify triggers and learn how to combat anxiety in a healthy way.



6. Dealing with Anxiety



FRIENDSHIP: When a friend’s world has been turned upside down by infidelity or other relational tensions, what do we do?



7. Walking with your friend through infidelity



I wanted to take a moment to list our most recent episodes all in one place so it will be easy for you to listen and benefit from each of the conversations. I hope this series shines some new light into some problems you might be facing and answer some questions you might be asking. Let us know if there are other topics you’d like for us to address in the series by leaving a comment!

Related posts:

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Alarmed and Resolved at the Very Same Time

“Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.” 2 Chronicles 20:3 (NIV)



Do you ever look around at all that is happening in our world today, or even within the realm of your own personal life, and feel fear grip your heart?



I think it’s a feeling we have all faced at some point in our lives. We crave safety and certainty and simplicity as we raise our families, serve God and live out our Christian beliefs in both private and public. But so many things feel threatening to those desires.



How do we navigate both our fears and our faith? How do trust God when everything around us in the world today leaves us feeling quite alarmed?



One of my favorite kings to study over the last few years has been King Jehoshaphat. Although his story is only found in tucked away parts of Scripture, what I really love is how we can clearly see his absolute resolve to trust in the Lord.



King Jehoshaphat is mentioned in both 1 & 2 Kings, but there’s also a unique story about this faithful king of Judah in 2 Chronicles 17–20. King Jehoshaphat was connected in alliance through marriage to the wicked King Ahab since his son married Ahab’s daughter. They ruled around the same time. We may question his decision to be connected to a wicked king like Ahab through marriage, but Scripture teaches us that Jehoshaphat was a good king who walked in the ways of David his father. Rather than seeking false gods, Jehoshaphat sought after the Lord; therefore, God was with him (17:4).



Of course, this doesn’t mean that Jehoshaphat never faced fear-inducing situations. In 2 Chronicles 20 we find that three countries have banded together, forming a massive army to attack Jehoshaphat’s much smaller country of Judah. If ever there were a time for a king to feel alarmed, this would have been it. But Jehoshaphat didn’t fall apart.



I am both inspired and challenged by how he chose to react to his overwhelming circumstances: “Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.” (2 Chronicles 20:3)



Do you see how King Jehoshaphat’s name is bookended in two realities: alarmed and resolved? He had both the feelings of alarm that are a natural human response to his threatening situation and a supernatural resolve to inquire of the Lord. The resolve was a predetermined pattern built over time that emerged as naturally as the feelings of alarm rose within him.



I want this for my life. I want my resolve to inquire of the Lord to be my first response, not my last resort when feelings of alarm arise with threatening situations. But to be honest with you, I think I still need some work in this area.



When I get caught off guard, stunned by threatening circumstances in the world, or unexpectedly wounded by a hurtful statement, I can literally feel my body being overrun with a flood of emotions. Based on conversations with different friends of mine with different personalities, it seems like each of us has a go-to feeling that rises up and wants to take over in threatening situations: anger that wants to come out swinging, fear that wants to shrink back and disappear, confusion that wants to talk it out and restore peace quickly, just to name a few.



Though seeking the Lord doesn’t always come naturally as my first response, it is the only way to infuse supernatural strength into my resolve. The more I turn to the Lord in daily struggles, the more natural it is to return to Him in times of unexpected trouble.



Does this mean I’ll never wrestle with feelings of fear? Of course not. But I’m learning that while we can sometimes feel afraid, we don’t have to live afraid. We can be alarmed and resolved at the very same time. We can let our declaration mirror Jehoshaphat’s words to God in 2 Chronicles 20:12b, “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”



Dear Lord, thank You for reminding me that fear doesn’t have to pull me away from trusting in You. Fear can actually be the catalyst to me choosing to trust You more than ever. Today I’m choosing to fix my eyes and my hope on You. The God who is for me, with me, and loves me without end. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If this resonated with you and you want to learn more about how to trust God with your situation, I’d like to invite you to join our FREE 6-week Online Bible Study of Trustworthy: Overcoming Our Greatest Struggles to Trust God.



When you sign up for the Trustworthy OBS which starts on January 20th, you get access to:



* All 6 Trustworthy study videos filmed on location in Israel.

* A study that fits your busy schedule, any time and anywhere!

* Authentic conversations held in a private online group to connect with other women like you!

* Additional videos from the Proverbs 31 staff and me to set the tone for each week of the study.

Click HERE to sign up!

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The Best Way to Show Up for the Disappointed and Hurting

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12 (NIV)



Painting was the last thing I expected to be doing on my birthday. And yet there I was, holding a dripping, shaking paintbrush beside my mom and my sisters.



Year 48 was supposed to be a year filled with adventure and freedom. The last of my five kids was going to college, and Art and I were heading into our empty-nest years. I thought this new season would be as fun and predictable as one of those beautiful adult coloring books. Twenty-five years of marriage had helped life take shape, so all we had to do now was just add color.



But nothing looked like I thought it would on this 48th birthday. Instead of planning for the future with my husband, I was trying to figure out how we’d ever glue the shattered pieces of our marriage back together again. Instead of dreaming, I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare. One where I opened the coloring book, and someone had erased all the beautifully drawn lines.



There was nothing but white pages. Empty spaces. Endless possibilities of fear and failure.



Metaphorically speaking, my life was now a blank canvas.



And so, my mother suggested — no, actually she demanded — we get some blank canvases and paint on my birthday.



I painted a boat. They all painted angels. And while my mom was right — it was therapeutic in many ways — it was also a terrifyingly vulnerable experience.



The enemy of my soul didn’t want me painting that day. To create meant I would look a little bit like my Creator. To overcome the terrifying angst of the blank canvas meant I would forever have more compassion on other artists. You better believe as I placed the first blue and gray strokes onto the white emptiness before me, “not good enough” was pulsing through my head in almost deafening tones.



Perfection mocked my boat. The bow was too high, the details too elementary, the reflection on the water too abrupt, and the back of the boat too off-center. Disappointment demanded I hyper-focus on what didn’t look quite right.



I forced myself to send a picture of my boat to at least 20 friends. With each text I sent, I slowly made peace with my painting’s imperfections. Not for validation but rather confirmation that I could see the imperfections in my painting but not deem it worthless. I could see the imperfections in me and not deem myself worthless. It was an act of self-compassion.



We must get to this place of self-compassion if we ever hope to have true, deep compassion for others. Disappointment begs us to be secretly disgusted with everything and everyone who has gaps, everything and everyone who also wrestles with the “not good enough” script. But what if, instead of being so epically disappointed with everyone, we saw in them the need for compassion?



I like that word compassion. Compassion is being aware that all of us fear the imperfections deeply carved into our naked selves. We all cover up. And then we all get stripped bare when the wins become losses.



And who do we want standing near us in those moments, dripping with disappointment and saturated with sorrow? I can assure you it isn’t people who don’t know the whole story, draped in gold-plated pride with mouths eager to spill out commentary, “Here’s what you did wrong. I would never have allowed myself to get in this position. If only you would have …”



Nope. It’s those clothed with garments of understanding. They have personally experienced how excruciatingly painful it can sometimes be to simply be human. They keep in mind Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”



We are to put on each of these every day, like a painter puts on color she knows will connect her creation with others. God wants us, His creation, to connect with others and bring them light and life with the brush strokes of compassion.



And the only way to gain more of this compassion is to pick up a paintbrush and sit in the seat of our own suffering. We find life-giving purpose and meaning when we allow God to take our painful experiences and comfort others.



Have you walked through an unexpected season of darkness and suffering? Those seasons aren’t for nothing, sweet friend.



Pick up the paintbrush. Put some paint on the emptiness. Color-correct your perspective. Forget the cravings for comfort zones. Trade your comfort for compassion. Get wet with paint. Put the brush to the canvas. Declare yourself a painter. And when someone steals all the lines from your coloring book, determine to color the world anyhow with the same generous compassion God offers every day.



You are walking the way of the artist. You are simply showing up with compassion. And I love you for that. I love whatever is about to come to life on your canvas to the glory of our Almighty Creator. God. The Redeemer of dust. The Redeemer of us.



Father God, no matter how much this life leaves me hurting, I always want to come out on the other side of pain loving. Help me be a woman of great compassion. A woman who wears her scars of suffering well — willingly sharing my survival story so others can know and believe survival is possible for them, too. And help me remember that no time showing up and bringing compassion to another human is ever a waste of time. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

As I look back over the last several years of my life, I can honestly say there are seasons I couldn’t have survived without the unconditional love and the teaching of biblical truth by the precious souls that work at Proverbs 31 Ministries.



As we draw to the close of 2019, would you consider a gift to this crucial ministry? Some generous donors have made it possible that every dollar you give through today, 12/31, will be doubled up to $100,000. No matter what you give, the impact of your donation will be big to us. To me. To the women who need the lifeline of truth and hope we hold out to women and families every day.



Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m so honored to partner with you in this life changing ministry. I am one of the lives you’ve helped change with your gifts to Proverbs 31 Ministries.

You can give HERE.

Related posts:

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Who I Am Doesn’t Feel Good Enough

“‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.’” Luke 1:38a, b (NIV)



Do you ever struggle with feeling like maybe God should have picked someone else to fulfill your roles — as a wife, a mom, a business owner, leader, employee, neighbor or friend?



I remember a time when I begged God to make me just like the super-organized mom I heard speak at a parenting seminar. I mentally listed what I discerned must be her secret to success and set about to imitate her. But it didn’t take long before I was absolutely miserable. I mentally beat myself up for not having what it obviously took to be a great mom. What was wrong with me?



Then one day in Bible study, I read the story of Mary, the teenage mother of Jesus. My heart beat fast as I realized she didn’t meet the standard of Supermom that I’d set for myself.



Somehow, just as she was, God chose her to be Jesus’ mother. And the only qualification she seemed to have was her willingness. We see her trust in God’s plan in our key verse, Luke 1:38a, b: “‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.'”



Mary could have easily rattled off a list of the reasons she should be passed over for such an incredible privilege.



Too young.



Too poor.



Too inexperienced.



Just a simple girl from a town of no great consequence.



Oh … and a virgin. Which makes having a baby impossible.



And yet, we find the angel Gabriel standing before her in Luke 1 proclaiming she has been chosen. That she, Mary, is the blessed and highly favored vessel God wants to use to bring forth His one and only Son, Jesus. The Messiah. (Luke 1:30-33)



She has only one question: “‘How will this be,’ Mary asked the angel, ‘since I am a virgin?’” (Luke 1:34, NIV)



Gabriel graciously answers, explaining to her that the Holy Spirit will come upon her and the power of the Most High will overshadow her. He tells her about the miraculous pregnancy of her much-older cousin, Elizabeth, and reminds her that what seems impossible to her is absolutely possible with God. (Luke 1:35-37)



I confess I am humbled and amazed by Mary’s question. All she wanted to know was how the pregnancy was going to be physically possible.



She didn’t ask any of the questions I might have been tempted to ask, like, “Are you sure you have the right person? Don’t you know how unqualified I am? Have you considered asking one of the women just down the street? Surely any one of them would be a better choice than me.”



It’s so easy to look around and think there are plenty of other people way more qualified than we are, isn’t it?



All God wanted from Mary was her willingness. And He let me know that day in Bible study it was all He wanted from me too. He had already given me the exact qualities He knew my kids would need in a mother. I just needed to lift my willingness up to Him daily and let Him help me be the best version of me.



Maybe you aren’t feeling very qualified today. Maybe you feel like God should pass you over and pick someone else for the assignments He’s placed before you. If that’s you, I want you to know this — God absolutely loves to take ordinary people and do extraordinary things in them, through them and with them.



He’s not waiting on you to impress Him. He simply wants you to say “yes” to Him.



Yes, Lord. I’m Yours. All of me. All for You.



Let’s stop offering God our excuses and lists of why He can’t work in us and through us. Let’s believe with our whole heart that nothing is too hard for Him. And let’s lay down our measuring sticks of perfection and humbly bow our heads as we offer Him our willingness today.



Dear Lord, thank You so much for the beautiful example of surrender You have given me through Mary. I lift up my willingness to You today in all areas of my life — at home, at work, in ministry and in my relationships. My greatest desire is to be the woman You’ve called me to be and not anyone else. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Can I Really Trust God?

“The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.” Psalm 111:7 (NIV)



I stood in front of the busted up walls amazed by all I never knew was behind them. Wires. Pipes. Support beams. Insulation. It all stood out now so very vulnerable and exposed. I ran my hand along the rough reality of renovation and thought how very similar my heart felt at the moment. The only difference was I knew my house would be put back together, better than ever.



I wasn’t so sure about my heart.



With the house, I knew a basic time frame. I also knew enough about renovations to add a few months of buffer time to the end date. Regardless, I absolutely knew there would be a beginning to this project and there would be an ending to this project. I also knew the end result would be beautiful. And since I knew the basic time frame and how beautiful things would eventually be, the busting up part of the renovation didn’t bother me. I was actually happy that demolition occurred.



The demolition was not a sign of irreparable problems. It was a sign of intentional progress. But I couldn’t say the same about the busted up places of my heart. Not right now. Not yet.



When I stood and looked in the mirror, my demolished heart wasn’t quite as easy to see as the walls in my house. The brokenness certainly revealed things, but they weren’t as easy to identify as pipes and wires. They were strange threads of fear, anxiety, shock, trauma, and distrust.



Distrust. There it was. The biggest of all the issues that resided beneath my surface. The ripping open and exposing of my heart had certainly revealed something I needed to see but didn’t dare want to admit.



About me. About God. And about my utter lack of trust in Him.



Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a Jesus girl through and through. I love studying His Word, doing the right and required things, following Him and fulfilling my calling. But when God starts to deviate from the plan I’m assuming my life should follow, I’m much more apt to want to tame God, not trust Him.



I want to demand the builder hand over the tools. And though I have no clue how to truly make things better, I start patching and covering and frantically fixating on a hodgepodge repair that will be disappointing at best, detrimental at worst.



And I wonder why I find myself so very exhausted and anxious and heavy burdened on the inside while singing and quoting verses about the abundant Christian life on the outside.

There is a disconnect somewhere between the faith I want and the one I’m living.



I know you feel it too. I’ve seen it in your tear-filled eyes and I’ve heard it in your questions around the harder things to understand about God.



So how do we rebuild our trust in God? Where do we even begin? I’ve found the best place to start is in His Word.



The truth of God’s trustworthy character is evident in every page of Scripture. We see evidence of this truth in the covenant promises God made to Abraham, Moses, and David and then kept. We see it in His faithfulness to provide for the Israelites during their wilderness wanderings — going before them in a pillar of fire by night and cloud by day, resting in the midst of their presence in the tabernacle, providing them manna to eat.



And there was one thing God did that outshines every other example of His trustworthy nature. God was faithful to the promise He made to Adam and Eve by crushing the head of the serpent as He sent His own Son to earth to die the death we should have died. Jesus reigns victorious over sin and death.



This is why the psalmist could truthfully declare in Psalm 111:7, “The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy.”



The Hebrew word for trustworthy in this verse comes from the root word, אמן ( ́á·mân) and encapsulates loyalty and faithfulness. It tells of dependability, all characteristics that are true and evident in God. In one sentence the psalmist declared that all of God’s works are faithful and filled with justice; therefore, He is trustworthy.



This is how we stop resisting God’s ways. This is where we start finding a more grounded faith, renovated hearts, and a strengthened trust in God like never before. We look to His Word for the truth of His faithfulness. Because when we remember His faithfulness, we come to believe that because God is faithful, He can be trusted.



Father God, thank You for reminding me that I don’t have to have all of the answers. I just need to trust. Help me to fix my eyes on Your faithfulness. I’m loosening my grip and surrendering all of my life into Your loving and capable hands. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Are you exhausted trying to keep everything under control because you fear God won’t come through? Are you looking for a way to find relief from your unbelief?



Find a safe place to acknowledge your distrust and start taking steps to truly rely on the Lord with my new Bible Study on 1&2 Kings, Trustworthy: Overcoming Our Greatest Struggles to Trust God. It releases TODAY! And, for release day only, if you order your copy from Proverbs 31 Ministries, you’ll receive special bonus materials you can’t get anywhere else. Get your copy here!

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“Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention.” 1 Kings 18:29 (NIV)



Have you ever found yourself in a place of utter desperation? A season of life where you don’t understand why God won’t please just rain down some form of relief?



This is where we find God’s people in 1 Kings 18 — a passage of Scripture I’d love to look at together today. It opens with the Israelites longing for rain in the midst of a long season of drought.



That word “drought” stirs up such vivid images. Sun-scorched land that’s dry as dust. Fields once lush and green left brown, brittle and barren. Parched lips cracked and thirsting desperately for even the tiniest drop of relief.



And while we may not all be able to identify with a drought, most of us can probably testify to going through an incredibly dry season within. A drought of the soul.



It’s in those drought seasons when we can be tempted to turn to anyone or anything to satisfy the ravenous thirst of our aching soul. We want something or someone to bring us relief. To fill us up and make us feel whole. It’s as if we walk around carrying a little heart-shaped cup that we extend to whomever or whatever we perceive might fill it — friends, family, material possessions, achievements, goals.



But anything we turn to instead of God to satisfy us or to save us is an idol. It’s a false god.



Which brings us back to 1 Kings 18. This passage depicts a showdown of epic proportions between the prophet Elijah and the 450 prophets of Baal — the false god they’d been worshipping instead of the one true God.



Elijah challenges the people of Israel to choose whom they will serve — God or Baal. In 1 Kings 18:21, Elijah tells the people they couldn’t keep wavering between two different opinions. The Hebrew word for “opinions” is se‘ip·pîm and can literally be translated as a “crutch, which is used to support a weak leg.” The idea here is that the Israelites found themselves limping between Baal and Yahweh. The only stability they would find was the solid foundation of God. The word in Psalm 119:113 translated as “double-minded” comes from the same root word as se‘ip·pîm: “I hate the double-minded, but I love your law” (ESV). Elijah was clearly letting the people know that the time of living on the fence was over. They had to determine whom they would worship.



When they say nothing in response, Elijah throws down the gauntlet to King Ahab and the prophets of Baal. Each side will build an altar, sacrifice a bull and call on their deity to rain down fire and consume the sacrifice. The deity who responds with fire is the one the people will accept as God.



The prophets of Baal go first. They prepare their altar. They shout. They dance. They even slash themselves until their blood flows. “But,” Scripture tells us, “there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention” (1 Kings 18:29b).



Reread that last sentence again.



There was no response. No one answered. No one even paid attention.



What’s so ironic is that Baal was known as “the god of the storm.” Yet … they heard no thunderous noise when they called on him. No booming response. Not even one drop of rain to ease the land or one spark of flame to ignite their offering. Instead, there was only silence.



Elijah then ups the stakes by having the altar of the Lord doused repeatedly in water in order to magnify the grandeur and supremacy of the God of Israel. Baal’s silence and inactivity sets the stage for the splendor of God.



Then God does what only He can do. He sends a consuming bolt of fire and dramatically devours the altar Elijah had prepared. The people of Israel repent, and the prophets of Baal are slaughtered. All because the one true God — our God — made Himself known that day.



Oh, friends. This passage holds such a strong warning for us. Especially when we find ourselves in a drought season, longing for relief — the reminder that no other god will do.



No person, possession, profession or pain-relieving substance will ever fill the cup of a wounded, empty heart — not my heart, not your heart. It’s an emptiness only God can fill.



Our God who responds. Our God who answers. Our God who always pays attention.



Father God, forgive me for the times I’ve turned to anyone or anything other than You for soul satisfaction. You and You alone are worthy of my worship and my praise. And so, I fix my eyes on You. Confessing I want You to be the One who reigns in my life. Asking You to rain down fresh hope on my heart. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Start finding relief from fear or doubt about how things will turn out with 10 scriptural truths you can declare over your situation in my new Bible Study on 1 & 2 Kings, Trustworthy: Overcoming Our Greatest Struggles to Trust God.



Preorder a study guide from Proverbs 31 today and receive:



* Instant access to the entire first video of the study.

* A video conversation with me and my personal counselor talking about why trust matters so much.

* Graphics with scriptures and encouragement from the study you can use on your personal social media.

* A map of where the Trustworthy videos were filmed in Israel so you can follow along.



This offer is only available through Proverbs 31 Ministries! You’ll receive these free resources in your email inbox after you’ve placed your preorder. Preorder your copy today.

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10 Things to Help You Emotionally & Spiritually When You’ve Been Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

“Scars are not imperfections. They are heroic and holy survival stories waiting to be told!”



In 2017, right in the middle of a deeply devastating season of my life, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My diagnosis felt like one more thing to add to the stack of heartbreaking circumstances I was facing. I’ll never forget sitting in a pink chair hearing the words, “I’m sorry, Lysa, you’ve got cancer.”



I got up from that chair and thought to myself, “Where do you go after hearing news like that? How do you just get in your car and drive away from an appointment like that? How do you keep living and doing normal things when a word like cancer has just become a new reality that will make so much not normal for a long while?”



In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I’m sharing ten things to help you emotionally and spiritually when you’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer. If we were having coffee today, I would take your hand and whisper these things from my heart to yours.



1 – Acknowledge your feelings. You don’t have to pretend to be okay. There will be both tears and fears you have to wrestle through. Just be sure you don’t stay stuck in a place of fear. Remember feelings are indicators not dictators. Your feelings indicate there are important things to process. But they don’t have to dictate your perspective or taint your outlook on life. One of my mantras during this process has been “I never wanted this to be my story. But now that it is, I’m going to make it a story I’ll want to tell one day.” How you view your journey on the front end will determine so much about your recovery on the back end.



2 – Ask a fellow survivor. Talk to some women who have been through your same treatment plan. Ask them to tell you about the procedures and healing so you aren’t caught off guard. Also see if there’s anything they would have done differently or a perspective shift they made to help them handle all of this. Have them make suggestions of what supplies and equipment they found especially helpful during recovery. And have them make recommendations of what kind of help they received from others that was most beneficial.



3 – Get your team in place. As you head into this battle adventure remember these two phrases: Don’t isolate. Don’t hesitate. This isn’t a journey to take alone so don’t hesitate to ask for help. Surround yourself with people who will really be there for you and who are willing to help meet practical needs. Designate a point person who can navigate those offering to help. Give the point person a list of practical things people can do for you. She can speak on your behalf and speak frankly about what is and is not helpful. Type out a general thank you note to have ready to go so you can sign them before surgery and then your point person can send them out for you as needed. Or, just give yourself grace to not send thank you notes. Be honest about what you can and cannot do.



4 – Forget the old saying that “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” Not only is that saying not in the Bible, it’s not true. The world is filled with people who have been given more than they can handle. In the midst of this overwhelming diagnosis, know that God doesn’t expect you to handle this. He wants you to hand this over to Him. He doesn’t want you to rally more of your own strength. He wants you to rely more on His strength. Have a playlist ready with your favorite praise music. Write out favorite Bible verses in a journal to keep with you and quotes that people send you and that you discover that encourage you.



5 – Tell yourself the right story. Cancer is affecting some cells in your body but only you decide if it has access to your thoughts and your heart. We’re all living out a story, but then there’s the story we tell ourselves. It’s easy to see this diagnosis as an end of life as you knew it. But, despite your circumstances, you get to choose how this story goes from here. I remember seeing a sign in one of my doctor’s offices that said, “The day you were diagnosed, you became a survivor.” Even if I can’t choose my circumstances, I get to choose my story. And since I can’t hold up the banners of victory and victim at the same time… my battle cry is VICTORY!



6 – Focus on what you know. A cancer diagnosis comes with a lot of unknowns – unknowns that can stir up panic. Instead of focusing on all of the things you don’t know, focus on what you do know. I do know I live in a day and time where medical help is available. I do know I have family and friends who love me. I do know I’m alive today and I’ve got good things to contribute to the world. I do know God’s love for me is unwavering even if I don’t understand this part of my life. I do know where my beauty comes from and no cancer or scalpel or radiation or chemo can touch that sacred place within me. I do know I’m strong, I’m a fighter, and my life is worth fighting for.



7 – Anchor your hope in truth. I must anchor my hope in something that is certain. I can’t anchor my hope in all the things and people around me that can change in an instant. Truth from the Bible is unchanging so that’s where I’ve chosen to tie my hope to. There are three filters of truth through which I process all life events: God is good. God is good to me. God is good at being God. This is my starting place when looking at circumstances both wonderful and hurtful. These truths help me consider good things God might be doing, even with realities that don’t feel at all good. They bring me back to the goodness of God as the starting place for my continued trust in Him. These truths help settle my runaway fears and chaotic emotions when feelings beg me to question, “Why would you let this happen, God?!”



8 – Remember there is a difference between your news and your reality. My friend Shaunti Feldhahn taught me this. What the doctors have given you is news. Honest news based on test results and medical facts. However, your reality is something you get to determine. Cancer is a word on your medical chart, not your new identity. When I heard my doctors confirm my cancer, it felt so big like it might swallow me whole. But then I realized it was a word written beside my name but it didn’t suddenly become my name. This doesn’t change my identity, my dreams, or my destiny. This news is a detour not a destination. My reality is that I’m still the same person I was before I got this diagnosis, only slightly different, with a few more scars, and way stronger.



9 – Press in when you want to pull away. There will be days you question why this happening. There will be days you feel like you pulled the short straw and got a more rotten deal than other people. There will be days where you wonder if you’re asking too much of those around you. These are normal questions. But don’t let those questions cause you to pull away from people. You may not have answers but you can have comfort in the midst of it all. Keep positioning yourself where encouragement and help is. Welcome friends in. Go to church. Spend time with people who you feel better when they are around. Give your people honest, specific ways to pray for you. Memorize verses. And keep talking to God. None of this will change your diagnosis but it will elevate your perspective. A key to survival is to stay on top of this so it doesn’t sit on top of you.



10 – Celebrate and recalibrate. Before changes to your body occur due to surgery or other treatment options, make a point to celebrate what has been your body up until now. Then have another marked moment where you decide to recalibrate your thinking and embrace the new normal that’s coming. I chose a reconstructive surgeon with an incredible attitude who told me exactly where my scars would be and together we decided how I wanted to first see myself after surgery. He cared about what I cared about. And though I had some complications that made my outcome different than what I expected… I embraced even these differences. I am unique. And unique is gorgeous. Scars are not imperfections. They are heroic and holy survival stories waiting to be told!

Related posts:

I Don’t Want This to Be Part of My Story
Surviving Our Seasons of Suffering
Three Things to Remember When Your Normal Gets Hijacked

Introducing my newest Bible study!

Do you ever struggle to really, fully trust God?



I understand. When hard times come and it seems like God starts to deviate from the plan I’m assuming my life should follow, I’m much more likely to want to tame God… not trust Him.



Honestly, it’s moments like these when I press into my own ways, my own timing, and my own assumed better plan. I say I trust the Lord but then end up exhausted trying to keep everything under control in case He doesn’t come through.







If you can relate, join me in learning from some of the ancient kings in the books of 1 and 2 Kings in my new 6-week Bible study, Trustworthy. They, too, struggled with not trusting the Lord and following solutions of their own making. These crucial lessons from the kings are full of wisdom and warnings we must unpack, process, and apply to our own lives. And I want to do this together.



With Trustworthy: Overcoming Our Greatest Struggles to Trust God, you’ll learn to:



* Loosen the grip of trying to control people and circumstances in your life by taking steps today to truly rely on God.

* Identify your own trust issues with God and how to overcome them by unpacking pivotal, relevant life lessons from the kings of the Old Testament.

* Find relief from fear or doubt about how things will turn out with 10 scriptural truths you can declare over your situation right now.



Trustworthy doesn’t release until November 12th, but if you pre-order your copy through Proverbs 31 Ministries today, you’ll receive instant access to the first study video (filmed in the Holy Land) along with other exclusive resources!



Pre-order Trustworthy now.



Oh, friend… this is the Bible study you probably never knew you needed, but you’ll be forever grateful you did. This is the Bible study your soul longs to do because, after all, you were created to trust God. The only, true Trustworthy One.

Related posts:

Three Things to Remember When Your Normal Gets Hijacked
Why would a good God allow hurt?
The Process Before the Promise

If God Really Loved Me …

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 (NIV)



I wonder what would happen in our lives if we really lived in the absolute assurance of God’s love. I mean, as Christians we know He loves us. We sing the songs, we quote the verses, we wear the T-shirts and we sport the bumper stickers. Yes, God loves us.



I’m not talking about knowing He loves us.



I’m talking about living as if we really believe it.



I’m talking about walking confidently in the certainty of God’s love even when our feelings beg us not to.



I’m talking about training our hearts and our minds to process everything through the filter of the absolute assurance of God’s love. Period. Without the possible question mark.



Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a precious mom whose eldest daughter is nearing 30 and has never had a boyfriend. The younger siblings have all gone through the whole dating thing, and one is engaged to be married. The eldest daughter sat on the side of her mom’s bed recently with tears slipping down her cheeks and asked, “Why, Mom? Why can’t I find anyone to love me? What’s wrong with me?”



This mom was asking me for advice in helping her daughter process these questions. These feelings are real. These feelings are tough.



And I’m sure if I were able to untangle all the emotions wrapped in and around these questions, somewhere deep inside I would find this girl doubting God’s love for her.



I completely understand. In my own life, I have faced heartbreaking situations where I know God could step in and change everything in an instant. And when He doesn’t? It hurts. Deeply.



But here is what God continues to teach me — I must process disappointments through the filter of His love, not through the tangled places of my heart.



When I process things through the tangled places of my heart, often the outcome is, “If God loves me so much, why would He let this happen?”



Instead, when I process things through the filter of the absolute assurance of God’s love, the outcome is, “God loves me so much; therefore I have to trust why He is allowing this to happen.”



I took the mom’s hand who was asking for advice and told her to help her daughter rewrite the way she is processing this. It’s okay to feel hurt, lonely and sad. But these feelings shouldn’t be a trigger to doubt God’s love for her. They should be a trigger to look for God’s protection, provision and possible growth opportunities.



I know this can be hard. But what if we really lived in the absolute assurance of God’s love? Oh sweet sister, in whatever you are facing today, I pray Isaiah 54:10a over you, “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet [God’s] unfailing love for you will not be shaken.”



Dear Lord, You are good. And You are good at being God. Therefore, I trust Your plan and believe that You’re allowing this to happen for a reason. It may be hard, but I’d rather be close to You through a thousand difficult moments than apart from You in a thousand good ones. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related posts:

What I Really Need Most
Why Isn’t God Answering My Prayer?
When things don’t turn out the way you thought they would

Before I Say Yes to One More Thing …

“The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.” Proverbs 14:8 (NIV)



I stood at the dirt mound watching ants. They were busy. I was not.



I was just a little girl stuck in the middle of a slow afternoon. Several of my friends had been invited to the community pool. Another friend was at camp for the week. Even my last resort, the pigtailed aggravation that lived in the apartment below, was busy. “She’s napping,” her mom had informed me.



I walked away thinking, She’s 6 years old. Only two years younger than me, and she still takes naps? That’s the awfullest thing a mom could do to her child. And this is the awfullest afternoon ever.



I sat on the swing of the playground behind our apartment complex. I scuffed the toes of my red sneakers, making lines in the dirt as I moved slowly back and forth. If a child could have died from boredom, I felt quite terminal at that moment.



Then I spotted the anthill.



I walked over and stood there. Just about the time I was thinking about how lucky all those ants were to have so many friends, I heard a scratchy little voice call out to me.



“I bet you won’t stick your foot through that anthill.” Pigtail girl had woken up from her afternoon slumber. And for heaven’s sake I would not, could not, be shamed by a girl who still took naps.



I knew in my mind I shouldn’t kick the anthill. I knew in my heart I shouldn’t kick the anthill. And I knew deep down in my soul I shouldn’t kick the anthill. Every part of me knew I should walk away from the anthill.



But some silly part of my mouth betrayed me.



“Yes I will!” I declared as I kicked my foot into the middle of ant Hades.



It didn’t take long to feel as if someone had lit 1,000 needles on fire and stabbed me mercilessly.



Since that day, I haven’t kicked an anthill. At least not in the literal sense.



But I have gotten myself into situations where I invited trouble into my life that just didn’t need to be there. Especially in the area of saying yes to something I absolutely should say no to.



I will know in my mind I should say no. I will know in my heart I should say no. I will know deep down in my soul I should say no.



But then my mouth will betray me, “Yes, of course I will do that.”



And then?



The sting of the three D’s comes …



Dread — As I write yet another thing on my schedule, I feel the weight of overload.



Disappointment — In order to make this happen, I will disappoint someone.



Drama — Dread and disappointment will ratchet my emotions to a tipping point. A tipping point that’s not healthy for me or those with whom I do life.



Here’s what I’m trying to preach to myself: Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should do it.



I kicked the anthill that day for three reasons … I thought it proved I was something. I thought it would impress nap girl. And I didn’t think through the cost beforehand.



Proverbs 14:8a says, “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways …” As a little girl on the playground, I was neither wise nor prudent. Thankfully I know now that God’s wisdom is readily available.



I’ve learned if I pause before making an impulsive choice and ask God what to do, He will answer. In fact, He’s given me some questions to ask myself that help me determine whether something is an assignment from Him or an anthill that will get me into trouble.



Before saying yes to one more thing on my schedule, I ask myself:



Am I trying to prove something?



Am I trying to impress someone?



Have I thought through the cost of saying yes?




It’s not bad to say yes to opportunities. But we really should give thought to our ways and consider whether this is an assignment or an anthill.



Take the assignment if it’s yours. But don’t kick the anthills.



Dear Lord, I’m asking for Your guidance as I discern assignments from anthills. Thank You for Your direction. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related posts:

Sometimes It’s a One- or Two-Verse Day
Wisdom Together
Why would a good God allow hurt?