Balaka Basu's Blog, page 7

How to Start Your Minimalism Journey

My last post Why I became a minimalist garnered lots of questions from the readers. Most of them are curious to know how they should start their minimalism journey. Many of them are eager to become minimalists but do not know how to start. Therefore, I decided to write this follow-up post to clear their doubts. In this post, I talk about how you can start minimalism and do it on a daily basis.

Before I begin, I want to talk about a couple of things.

Firstly, Minimalism cannot be achieved overnight. If you try to do it fast, you will exhaust yourself and feel overwhelmed. Minimalism is almost like the yoga practice that you need to do daily. Over a period of time, you will gradually see the results.

Secondly, minimalism is not for everyone. Do not force yourself to become a minimalist. Some people actually function better in messy environments. The great film director Satyajit Ray always kept his working space cluttered. He used to say that he was able to think better around the mess. Many creative geniuses are said to be clumsy and unorganized. So if you are not an organizing Nazi then do not worry, you are in August company. There are also some people who find happiness in consumer goods, if it ‘sparks joy’ then keep it.

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However, if you truly want to de-clutter and become a minimalist then here are the steps to begin.

Minimalism starts with mindful purchases. If you are an impulsive buyer (like my husband) then you need to control yourself. Think numerous times before buying anything. Ask yourselves questions like, do I really need this? how will this add value to my life? can I do without this? All these questions will keep you away from impulsive buying habits. There is no point buying stuff and then throwing them away. This is just a wastage of resources. Once you stop buying unwanted and unnecessary things, you win half the battle.

The second important step is mindful de-cluttering. Do not randomly throw away things to become a minimalist. Be mindful while throwing. Apart from being a minimalist, I also believe in a zero-waste lifestyle. We should always try to be mindful before throwing away anything. If this may sound contradictory then read till the end of this post. You can be both a minimalist and a zero wastage person at the same time. Follow the steps to do that.

Reuse or Recycle: When you start de-cluttering, take out each item and see if you can reuse or recycle them. This would save things from landing up at the landfills and causing pollution. I try to reuse and recycle as much as possible. I have converted old drawers into bookcases, old sarees have been turned into skirts, curtains, cushion covers, and table runners. Dupattas were converted to the table cloth. Denim shorts were made into a tote bag. I take inspiration from Pinterest and try to reuse and recycle as much as possible. I can write a separate post on ‘how to recycle’.

Gift: Not everything can be recycled, is the truth. Especially when it comes to emotional or new items we do not want to experiment with them. I recently read a book on Swedish Death Cleaning and in that book, it was mentioned that we should gift away things that we are no longer likely to use. In India, we do re-gift items, most of us are guilty of re-gifting ugly wedding gifts, or duplicate items received during our kid’s birthday parties. However, the difference is that in Sweden, they are honest and take the consent of the giftee. I have started doing that. If there is something that I am not going to use, I try to pass it to my loved ones but I tell them that this is not new and whether they will be willing to accept it. If they say yes, then I give it to them. Recently I gave some dresses to my beautiful nieces. I had bought those dresses during an online sale but they never fitted me. I asked if they would like to accept them. My nieces loved them. I am not a religious person but every year I receive photos or idols of Goddesses as Diwali gifts. My next-door aunty is very religious, so I asked her if she would like to take those photos and idols. She also loved them.

DONATE, DONATE, DONATE: We are going through the worst pandemic and many people are suffering. “Your trash is someone’s treasure” So donate as much as possible. However, just don’t give away rubbish in the name of donation. I give away clothes but always make sure to wash and iron them before giving them away. I volunteer with a local Christian missionary who runs an orphanage, old age home, and hospital for poor HIV patients. Most of my donation goes to them. I also give away to my staff. Our housing society also organizes donation drives during Christmas. I would encourage all of you to donate generously.

Sell: Many people sell their stuff on eBay, Olx, etc. Some even organize a garage sale. My mom used to buy utensils in exchange for old clothes. You can do them. I personally have never done any of that. However, I have exchanged old refrigerators, TV, washing machine, mobile phones while buying a new one. I also sell old newspapers and plastic containers to Kabbadiwala.

Throw away: The ones who don’t fit into any of the above brackets, However, I try to segregate my waste. The e-waste should be disposed of carefully.

Things to De-clutter First

Most of my readers are confused about where to begin with. My suggestion is, to begin with the items in your house that you are least attached to. My personal list was:

Old Newspapers: Earlier, I used to sell newspapers once in three months. Unnecessarily, a huge shelf used to stay occupied with old newspapers and magazines. My idea was that newspapers are useful items for covering, wrapping, cleaning things so let me have a reasonable stock. Now I sell newspapers every 15 days. Trust me that is enough.

Plastic bags and containers: Most Indian kitchens are overflowing with plastic bags and containers. We don’t need them. Start using cloth bags for going to the market. Remove plastic dabbas and let your kitchen breathe.

Expired medicines: I know many people have a stock of expired medicine even without knowing it.

Broken Toys: I once visited a friend’s house and saw that she has kept every single toy of her child. Even if the toys were broken. There were multiple happy meal toys, even duplicates. I do not want to judge her but I would have loved to donate them to some street kid who cannot afford toys instead of hoarding them in my house.

Old Chargers: We often keep old chargers even though the mobile is no more

Missing socks: Somewhere in the corner of your drawer lies a solitary sock. Dispose it.

Ugly souvenirs: We used to buy souvenirs wherever we went. However, now I think the photographs are enough and we do not need souvenirs to remind us of a trip.

Expired food items: In our refrigerator we often keep food and then forget.

Old Fairy Lights: Every Diwali we buy fairy lights and then store them somewhere, by next diwali the lights no more work but they stay occupying space.

The list is endless. Once you get rid of the less personal items, you should move to the more personal items like clothes and books. There are many ways to start minimalism. Some prefer the Marie Kondo way of one item at a time. However, I no longer follow the Kon Marie method because the concept of “sparking joy” is a bit confusing for me. I have my own way where I do daily cleaning of one area or corner of the house. Initially, it used to take me hours to clean only one section but then I started the ’15 minute rule’. Clean whatever you can in 15 minutes and then move to some other area or stop totally. The daily de-cluttering of one item or the 365 days rule is also a good method for beginners. Just remove one item daily and at the end of the year, you are 365 items lighter. Choose whichever suits you. I would love to help you out. Let me know about your journey. Love you all. Take care and stay safe.

Why I Became a Minimalist?

Minimalism has suddenly taken the internet by storm. We have all spent more time at home this past year, than in our entire lives. This probably made many realize how much unnecessary stuff they have gathered around the house. The economic downturn also made people realize how to spend money on things that matter and not unnecessary items that only add to the clutter.

Younger generations are going to extremes by putting all they own into a van, while Baby Boomers are retiring, downsizing, and choosing to save money, time, and energy. If the 90s were the age of Consumerism, 2020 onwards is becoming the age of minimalism. More and more media outlets are covering the rise of minimalism. An online community has grown supporting the growth of minimalism.

Photo by Andrew Neel on Pexels.com

Honestly, I have always been a minimalist without knowing what it means. My parents maintained a frugal lifestyle. My father had a transferable job and we lived most of our lives in Government staff quarters or rented homes. As we shifted base frequently, my parents owned very less stuff. We hardly had any furniture. They were also economical about buying clothes. Whatever we possessed fitted in two big steel trunks and two VIP suitcases.

My parents started buying things only after they retired and purchased a home. However, things were very different with my in-laws. They have stayed in the same house for over 7 decades. Their house is stuffed with STUFF. My mother-in-law doesn’t like to throw away anything and the house has hardly any space left, even though it is a 5 bedroom duplex.

In the initial days of marriage, my home also started becoming a mini-storehouse. My mother-in-law used to visit often with suitcase full of stuff. She used to bring those stuff with so much love and blessings that I always felt guilty throwing them away or donating them. Husband and I also started gathering stuff from various places and gradually the home became full. I remember, I used to feel so overwhelmed those days. I used to keep cleaning the house from morning to night, yet my house used to be cluttered. When I think in retrospect, it was the excess possessions that were creating the clutter.

I suffer from ataxophobia, a certain kind of obsessive compulsive disorder. Clutter only triggers my disorder. One day, while googling something regarding ataxophobia, I came across Marie Kondo and her Kon Mari method. She made me realize that only organising my stuff was not enough. I need to de-clutter. Back in those days, I did not have a Netflix subscription but I took the subscription only to watch Kondo’s Netflix show “Tidying up with Marie Kondo“. Gradually, I got stuck by the de-cluttering movement. From de-cluttering, I graduated to minimalism, an entire philosophy that believes that happiness lies in owning less.

I am part of a beautiful minimalist community where we encourage each other to own less and declutter. In some countries minimalism and de-cluttering is part of the culture. For example, Japan is inspired by spartan aesthetics of zen Buddhism and they believe in possessing less. In Sweden also they believe in a concept called Swedish death cleaning where they de-clutter every possession as they grow old.

Possessions do not bring us happiness, relationships does.

There are numerous benefits that I have gained from minimalism. It is almost becoming my Ikigai.

Photo by Karina Zhukovskaya on Pexels.comMinimalism is all about mindfulness. It teaches you to buy things that really matters. Things that you NEED and not WANT.As you buy less things, it help you save money. Less things means you spend less time caring for the things that you have bought. So less time is spend dusting, organizing and tending to stuff. The time and energy that you save can help you spend more time with people who matter or do things that you love to do.It teaches you that LESS is MORE. It helps you to be happy with what you have.Minimalism taught me to disassociate emotions from possessions. My mother or grandmother live in my heart and not in the old and torn saree that they left behind. I suffered for years with not being able to throw away or donate things due to emotional reasons. Thankfully, now I can do it. Minimalism is not only restricted to books, furniture and clothes. It is related to every aspect of life. You can be happy with less friends, less social media followers, less food and less emotional baggage. It is quality over quantity.

Minimalism have made my life stress-free. However, minimalism is not a one time thing. It is a practice. The more you do the better you get at it. I am planning to downsize even more. I will keep you guys posted. Are you willing to adopt minimalism or do you think that this is just another fad trend that will go away with time. I would love to hear from you. Till then, take care, stay home, and stay safe.

10 Things that I have Stopped Doing

When I was a young girl, I used to do things differently. I was timid, judgmental, self-conscious, and above all suffered from low self-esteem. These characteristics affected the way how I used to deal with things. However, thankfully with age comes wisdom and we realize all the mistakes that we did. If I get an opportunity to go back in time then I would do many things differently. Unfortunately, that is not possible. Here are a list of things that I have stopped doing.

Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.comNot Being  Grateful : I had not realized the importance of gratitude when I was younger. Only thankful people can be happy. Unless you feel grateful for what you have, you can never feel happy about what you do not have. Gratitude made me realize that I was given an imperfect but beautiful life. Every struggle, every sadness, every bitterness made me what I am today. I am deeply grateful for everything. Ever since I started my gratitude journal, I have started noticing the beauty of life. Life can be difficult yet beautiful. The more you appreciate your life, the more you attract happiness and peace. Therefore, I encourage everyone to start a gratitude journal.Giving Importance to Material Possessions: Like everyone else, I was also guilty of giving importance to material possessions. However, gradually I realized that material possessions cannot give happiness. I used to have a bunch of friends who always discussed the bigger car, bigger house, fancy clothes and they used to look down upon those who didn’t have it. Salary checks were compared. Thankfully, they are no longer my friends. I do not want my friends to value me for the brand of car I drive or the brand of clothes I wear. I am a minimalist and I have stopped accumulating stuff. I am highly inspired by the minimalist philosophy and you can read Becoming Minimalist to know more.Comparing My Life to Others: I was guilty of comparing my life to others. I always felt ‘grass is greener’ for them. However, with age, I have realized that everyone is fighting their own battles. What looks on the outside is not what is going on inside. Maybe the ‘happily married couple‘ on Facebook are actually in a toxic relationship. Maybe the girl with lots of admirers was a victim of pedophilia as a child. Maybe the girl always posing as a model had an abusive father who never loved her. Everyone has a story and that story is unique. Thinking that I had a miserable life while others do not was a wrong thing.Tolerating Toxic people: In my life, I have come across many toxic people. Some of them are family, some are friends or colleagues. My biggest flaw was that I never stood up against these toxic people. I allowed them to keep continuing their toxic behavior. Over the years, I realized that these people were not adding any value to my life and it is best to get rid of them. Thanks to the modern smartphone that gives you the option to block people. I have literally blocked people. I have completely stopped encouraging or tolerating those whom I consider toxic. To me quality matters over quantity. It is good to have a few good friends than a room full of toxic people pretending to be friends.Being a People Pleaser: I used to be a people pleaser. I used to say or do things that would make people like me. However, now I speak my mind. If I do not like something, I am vocal about it. I have stopped bothering to be the ‘most popular one’. I would rather be the ‘most weird one’.Saying ‘Yes’ when I wanted to say No: I cringe when I think about all the parties I had to attend only because I was unable to decline the invitation. So many times I had to meet people when I absolutely wanted to sit at home and read a book. Gone are those days now I simply say NO if I do not want to do something. A NO means NO.Begging To Accept Me: So many times I have begged people to accept and love me. In college, there was a group that was the ‘popular’ group in college. I was young and considered that being part of that group would make me ‘cool’. I became part of that group even though there was nothing in common between them and me. Now I feel funny when I think how desperate I was. These days I do not want to be ‘cool’ anymore. I am happy being ‘uncool’. I just want to be ME. It is better to be alone than being surrounded by fake friends.Underestimating my Self Worth: For the longest time, I have suffered from accepting my true self-worth. I always underestimated my features, intelligence, and self-confidence. It took me years to accept and show self-love. I have reached a stage where I do not need to please anyone but me.Not Investing in my Health: I ignored my health for a long time. However, now I have started giving importance to both my physical and mental health. I have changed my lifestyle and progressing towards a healthy lifestyle.Not Spending Time with Myself: I am my best friend. I love spending time with myself. There was a time when being alone used to make me nervous. However, now I just love my own company. Me-time is the most relaxing time for me.Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Tell me what are the few things that you have stopped doing?

Swedish Death Cleaning is my Ikigai

I never knew that my readers loved me so much. I had not posted anything for a long time as I was on a break. One morning, I opened the inbox of the Facebook page of my blog and was pleasantly overwhelmed. There were so many messages from the regular readers of my blog. Some were worried about my well-being, some were anxious why I was not posting. Everyone had the same question ‘are you okay?’ I am immensely humbled and grateful that my readers thought about me with so much love and concern. Muchas gracias!!

We are going through difficult times. The deluge of bad news is unnerving. During the first wave of COVID, it was scary but manageable. However, this time it seems like a tsunami that is drowning each one of us. Every morning, yes literally every morning, I am waking up to a death news. Every time, I am opening my Facebook or Twitter there are posts from friends about someone they lost. Some are grieving their parents, others are grieving their siblings or friends.

This pandemic has made me ponder about death in a pragmatic way. We often are in a denial. We often unknowingly consider ourselves immortal. We procrastinate living our life assuming that we have enough time. We wait for our retirement to book the Europe trip, we save our clothes for special occasions, we save our chinaware for special guests etc. We never enjoy our today and wait for a better tomorrow when we can enjoy. This pandemic is teaching me to live the moment. This pandemic is also teaching me that it is always better to be prepared for any eventuality. kya pata kal ho na ho.

“The one thing we know for sure is that we will die one day. But before that you can try to do almost anything.”

― Margareta Magnusson, The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter

Recently, I came across this book The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnussun. From the title of the book you may think it is a morbid book. On the contrary, the book is humorous and talks about death in a pragmatic and practical way. The book is basically about de-cluttering and organizing but in reality it is more than that. The book is a life lesson on how to live your life to the fullest before it comes to an end.

What is Swedish Death Cleaning?

After my mother died, I found she had so many sarees that she had never worn. She had jewelry in her locker that she had left untouched. I was left with an Herculean task of organizing her stuff. Things that she had gathered over the years but never used. Recently, a school friend lost her mother and she is facing the same problem. Cleaning up the stuff of someone who left us is a difficult task. At times it also makes us feel guilty for throwing away or donating their stuff. Therefore, do not leave any kind of mess behind neither emotional nor material. Sort out everything before you go. One quote that I absolutely loved from the book is:

“Life will become more pleasant and comfortable if we get rid of some of the abundance, Mess is an unnecessary source of irritation.”

De-cluttering is good to have a stress free life. Sort out today for a better tomorrow. This pandemic has transformed my focus from Ikigai to the Swedish art of death cleaning. Let me put it this way ‘Swedish Death Cleaning is my Ikigai‘. This pandemic taught me that I should start focusing on the Today and have very little baggage to carry into Tomorrow. The funda should be travel light into the future.

De-clutter your mind first: Instead of focusing on the material clutter, we should focus on the clutter inside our head. Try to forgive as many people as you can. However, forgiving doesn’t mean accepting the wrong. Get rid of toxic memories. De-clutter your circle of friends: Trust me, not everyone can be honest about relationships. Treasure the ones who are genuine. Keep your true well wishers close to your heart. Be grateful for friends and family members who truly care for you. No need to keep in touch with the fake friends, abusive siblings, gossipy colleagues and quarrelsome neighbors. You do not need 1000 friends on Facebook. One genuine friend is worth a million fake friends.Practice Gratitude: Maintain a gratitude journal and write down all the good things that has happened to you. Be grateful for the tiniest things. Life starts feeling beautiful with gratitude.Sort out your stuff into various categories: Start going through your material possessions one by one and start putting them in categories like things to throw away, things to gift, things to donate and things to recycle/reuse.Gift your possessions: Call your friends and family members and start gifting them sentimental things that you are not using or will not use in future. Ask them if they would like to accept hand-me-downs. Do not force your possessions on them. In India, we have a tendency to keep everything for our children alone. Do not do that. Your children may not want many of your stuff. My mother had so many sarees that I was not willing to keep, so I gave it to her friends and sisters. Ask your children what they would like to keep. The ones they refuse, call your friends and family and ask what they would like to have. You need not give away everything right away. You can just inform them so that they are aware of what they would get.Donate: Go through your stuff. You are definitely not using all of them. Start donating the ones that are in good condition but nobody is willing to accept. Donate compassionately and not compulsively.Recycle and reuse: Instead of throwing away things see if you can reuse and recycle them. Refurbish antic furniture, jewelry, clothes etc.Make a will: There is no need to make a legal will right away but make a list of items that you would want to go to designated places. If you have loads of books designate it for a library, if you have antic items designate it for a collectible gallery or museum. Create a file with all your passwords and share it with a trusted person so that people are aware of everything.Organ Donation: This should become mandatory in every country. Please donate your organs. That way, you would live even after you are gone. Your eyes would help someone else to see the world. Your heart may beat in someone else’s chest. There is no need to wait for old age to register for organ donation. Do it right away.Throw away your secret letters and journals: Let us admit, we all have a secret life that we do not want others to find out. Throw away things that you do not want others to find out. So burn all love letters from your ex, all your secret journals, embarrassing photographs, porn in your laptop. If you are unable to burn or delete them then make water tight arrangement to keep them secret.

Trust me, once you start the process you would feel a sense of calm. A frugal lifestyle would make you appreciate life more than before. This Swedish method would make you more compassionate, accepting and grateful. The less you possess can be the key to enjoying more.

Gratitude List- February 2021

The first month of the year was amazing. However, February started on a different note. The husband, had gone to visit his mother and from there he went on a trek to Sandakphu. He was caught in a snow storm and came down with fever. On the first day of February, he came back to Mumbai with mild fever. He was supposed to join office the next day but his office insisted that he get a covid testing. BANG!!! The report came positive and from February 3rd, all of us had to go into a quarantine. I would not be able to call those 14 days the most pleasant days of my life. With no house help, son’s exam, my office work and taking care of the husband took a toll on me. It is difficult to feel grateful during difficult days but when I look back, I do see numerous good things that happened during those 14 days of quarantine.

Support of People

I always feel that I am surrounded by angels in human forms and whenever I am in crisis these angels show up to make my life easier. In these 14 days, all my angels came out and supported me.

Our Physician: Our family physician was a huge support throughout these days. He was available whenever we needed him. His constant support was a great assurance and helped us stay calm and not panic.

Our friend K: We were running short of cash, as we were not allowed to step out of the house it was difficult to withdraw money. When we told this to our friend K and his wife, they immediately came and left cash at our doorstep. Later on, I came to know that they were on the way to a wedding and had no time to run to the ATM, they gave us the cash from the piggy bank of their daughter. When you hear things like this, you really feel that the world is a happy place as long as people like K are around.

My Staff: My cook and driver both were willing to come and work. My cook knew that I would be in difficulty, so she was willing to risk her life and come and work. However, I asked her not to come as I did not want her to suffer due to this. My driver also came and said that he would be available anytime I need him, even if it was in the middle of the night. He also wanted to get me vegetables and grocery. Thankfully, I had that sorted through online delivery.

Friends and neighbors: I feel humbled to get so many calls from concerned friends and neighbors. All of them said they would help me with whatever I need. I also got calls from my Gakkai friends who not only chanted for my husband’s recovery but some of them even went and got me grocery.

My Colleagues: We had a few deadlines during those days. My colleagues pitched in and said they would work on my behalf and I need not take stress related to work. However, I enjoy working and it is in a way therapeutic. Therefore, I finished those deadlines on my own, nevertheless I am grateful for all the help and support that they extended.

Crochet Delight

My dearest friend and fellow blogger Anamika AKA The Bespectacled Mother started crocheting couple of years back. Recently, she started shipping her crochet products. I saw the colorful crochet costars on her Facebook wall and couldn’t stop myself from ordering them. They came within a day. My happiness knew no bounds after getting them. I especially appreciate her gesture of gifting me a heart shaped bookmark. I am so grateful to the universe for surrounding me with such beautiful souls.

Yoga Love

Couple of years back, if anybody ever told that one day I would be posting yoga photos on my blog, I would have thought the person had gone crazy. However, today, I feel confident enough to post my yoga photos on a public page. I am just learning and not even close to perfection. I know there are people who have mastered yoga. I want to post this not for others but for myself because I feel proud of myself. I want to celebrate my small victories. I want to tell myself that I can do it. I am grateful to Adrienne and her pet Benji for motivating me to roll out my mat every single day. I am also grateful to my blogger friend R, whose yoga photos always inspired me to try. Please do not judge the imperfections but applaud me for the journey that I have undertaken.

P.S: I posted this collage on a yoga group and received such encouragement (400 likes). I am grateful to all the fellow yogis who are inspiring me every day to do yoga. Never thought this was possible.

Small Gestures of Love

In life, the small gestures of love and kindness should be the most treasured moments. My friend V went to visit and remembered to get me a small gift. The gesture and the thought behind is what matters. My friend Kavita came over and she said that I am her favorite travel partner and she would love to go on a trip with me soon. I loved how Afzal, my hair sylist, styled my hair for a upcoming wedding. I appreciate how he took care about the details. I am glad that my friends and family are eagerly waiting my trip to my native place and so many of them have started planning so many things to do while I am there. Last by not the least, I am happy that finally the exams and online classes got over.

Now, tell me how was your February? What were the things that you would love to remember about February.

Gratitude List for January 2021

“If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough.”

― Meister Eckhart

The whole world was waiting impatiently for 2021. They were behaving as if the moment the clock would strike 12 am, all the problems would be gone. It was in a way funny to see how people were considering 2021 would be the end of all problems. To be honest, I was also looking forward to 2021 but for completely different reasons. 2021 started on a good note for me and here are few of the amazing things that happened in January.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

Good food and Friends: My regular readers are aware that I am not a party person but January was a month when I partied a lot. On 31st, we were invited by one of our dear friends for dinner and drinks. We ushered in the new year at their house with amazing food. They have a warm and cozy home and I love to visit them.

On the evening of first January, few of my girlfriends came over for snacks and tea and we laughed and had so much fun. It was a potluck and we relished some amazing food.

This was also the month of birthdays and it was amazing to celebrate three birthdays of three of my favorite people. Birthdays were full of fun, laughter, cakes and booze.

On the first day of the year, one of my school friends with whom I had not spoken ever since we left school called ups . She now lives in Mumbai and it was so amazing to connect with her once again.

We went to meet our old friends from Dubai. They are now living in India due to Covid. It was such a happy moment for all of us to get nostalgic and talk about old days.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Sports medal: Unlike me the son is extremely kinesthetic. He loves sports and this month he won three medals in three different sports. His team won basketball and football tournament. He won the runner’s up for solo table tennis and winner’s trophy for doubles TT tournament. I have to say that I feel extremely proud of him.

Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Wedding: I was able to attend a wedding this month. I have not attended a wedding in the longest time and it really felt good. Met quite a few friends at the wedding and the entire evening went laughing and giggling like school girls.

De-cluttering: I love to declutter and organise. This month, I was able to declutter so many unwanted items from my house. I donated most of them, some of them I repurposed while had to throw away a few of the items. I believe in minimalistic and zero waste living, I was happy that my de-cluttering was in compliance with both the principles. My house looks neat and tidy and spacious now. Often I wonder if I should start a de-cluttering and organizing service for others. Maybe one day I would start. Decluttering and recycling would be the main mantra of that service.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Yoga: I have got addicted to a YouTube channel called ‘Yoga with Adrienne’. The yogi Adrienne is such a sweet person that I love to come to the mat every single day only for her. I have healed my frozen shoulder by doing yoga from this channel. I am also trying to get my friends addicted to this channel.

Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

Water App: As my readers are aware, the WOTY for 2021 is ‘healthy‘ I am trying to inculcate some healthy habits. One of those habits being drinking more water. I recently downloaded an app that reminds me to drink water at regular intervals. The app has helped me a lot. I no longer stay dehydrated.

Online Classes, Thy name is HOKUM

Towards the end of 2019, on a cozy winter morning, when I was waking up my son for school, he was reluctant to leave the warm blanket and said in a irritated tone “I wish school shuts down, then I wouldn’t have to go to school”. The Universe heard him and made someone eat a bat. Schools literally shut down for an entire academic year. Online classes replaced traditional classroom.

Photo by Julia M Cameron on Pexels.com

I had always fantasized about ‘home schooling’. To me home schooling is that Utopia which would enable my child with the ‘perfect’ education. The same utopia people have about ‘perfect marriages’, however, soon after marriage you realize ‘love’ or ‘arranged’ your husband is going to keep wet towel on the bed. Your dream shatter and you think ‘should have married the guy Mom chose for me, maybe that one would have been perfect‘. Same thing happened to me regarding online classes.

Zoom Classes

The first couple of months of the academic year went busy adjusting the microphone and camera of Zoom. Most teachers are not techno savvy, some of them are quite old to learn a new technology, even parents and students had to understand the entire thing. I remember getting frantic calls from fellow moms asking about how to sign up. Younger children were not even willing to sit in front of the computer for long.

Shortage of Devices

Most families also struggled with finding a device. As most parents were also working from home, there were no spare laptops or desktops for the kids. Many parents were giving their phones to the kids but when important calls came, either the call or the class had to wait. It was worse for those parents who had more than one kid. In my home, my son started using my laptop, so I had to reschedule my work, therefore most of the days, I ended up working late. My mobile also fell and broke down couple of days after the lockdown started. Amazon was not considering mobile phones as essential service, therefore for one month, I was without phone and laptop. Thankfully, there was not much work pressure at that time so could manage. I am sure many parents have similar stories.

Too Many Apps to Follow

In my son’s class, the entire learning process is spread among four apps. The classes take place in zoom, notes and other information came through Whatsapp, projects and exams are conducted through Google classroom and attendance and notices are managed through School aid. Imagine the ordeal of jumping through four apps to learn one lesson. And my God!!At any given time the whatsapp group has 250 messages. Most of them are useless like ‘thank you’, ‘welcome’, ‘has the class started?’, ‘I have poor network’, ‘Please take me in the class’, playing peekaboo with all these messages are the class notes. Finding it is no less than a treasure hunt, unless you are hooked to the whatsapp group 24/7.

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Exam Time

Then came the grand exam, trust me if I tell you that the experience was such that I am confused whether I should call it tragic or hilarious. Following are few incidents that happened during the exams.

Incident 1: The teacher is screaming at the top of her voice to keep the video on, however, most kids have switched off their video. The moment they got the question sheet the video went off. (I am not concluding that they were copying

Incident 2: Parent of kids checking the answer sheets before submission. If the child has missed any answer, any silly mistake, everything is getting checked by parents before submission.

Incident 3: The child forgot to mute the microphone and the entire class could hear the parent saying “This time, I am not going to write the answers for you”

Incident 4: Maths exam and the kids are copying the questions and posting on a maths problem solving website and getting the correct answers. Teacher is helplessly watching.

Incident 5: One of my friends who gives home tuitions to students said that she was getting whatsapp messages from parents asking her to give the answers to the questions. The students were giving online exams and parents were doing this.

I Bow before the Helicopter Parents

Online classes are also the resurrection of the helicopter parents. There are parents who have started sitting for the classes with their kids. They make sure to stay away from the screen but like prompters of theatre they often become accidentally visible or audible. They are parallel studying, taking notes, learning, writing answers and what not. Schools should start charging for two students instead of one. Well, I would one day love to write an entire post on these creatures. Do remind me!

I always had very little regard for the Indian education system, however, after this online classes started I wouldn’t hesitate to call the whole thing a Farce or as Dr. Sheldon Cooper would say “Hokum“.

Tips to Write an Achievable Resolution for 2021 -WOTY

2020 is a year that most people would dread in the years to come. However, on a personal level, this was one of the most successful years for me. I was able to accomplish all my goals that I had set in the beginning of 2020. Irrespective of the lockdown and the Covid pandemic, I was able to ACCOMPLISH my goals. In fact my WOTY (word of the year) was Accomplish for 2020 and I am glad, grateful and proud that I could fulfill my mission.

Every year, I write down the list of things that I wish to achieve or accomplish in that year. In most years, I am able to achieve only a few of the things from the list. However, in 2020, I achieved all of them and some extra also. For example, my target for 2020 was to conduct three workshops for my patients, however, I ended up conducting 11 workshops (online). One of them was in alliance with the Dutch patient group. I also started yoga, finished writing my 40k words of my second book, took part in April A-Z Blogging Challenge and NaNO Wrimo. The question is how I could do this. This year, I had taken an extremely different approach and that helped me achieve my goals. Let me explain how I did it.

Write a To-Do-List: It is extremely important to know what you want to achieve in the particular year. Without a specific goal it is difficult to pursue anything. Therefore, the first step is to write down the goals. You can use an app or use paper and pen. I myself prefer paper and pen. Goals can be big or small. For some a goal can be 100 billion dollars income in one year, for the other it could be able to watch the sunrise every morning in one year.

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Push Goals or Pull Goals

Writing a goal is easy but achieving it is hard. If all your goals are push goals then chances are high that many of them would remain unaccomplished, unless you have high resilience and perseverance. However, if your goals are pull goals then chances are you would achieve them easily and joyfully.

What are Push Goal?

These are goals that we have to push ourselves to achieve. In other words, a push goal is when you have an objective and design a structured plan to achieve it. You push yourself to achieve this goal. Society pressures us to choose push goals. We’re taught to pick an ambitious objective, to design a foolproof plan to achieve it, and to keep pushing. It is not easy to achieve Push Goals, as it requires hard work, perseverance and resilience. It is often exhausting to achieve these goals. Many people are actually not able to achieve.

A simple example would be, every year lots of people take gym membership and they keep a push goal of losing 20kgs of weight. They go to the gym in the initial days with full enthusiasm, however, as days progress they lose interest and after February, they stop going to the gym.

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What are Pull Goals?

A pull goal is something that you feel naturally drawn towards. This is something you are passionate about and do not mind pursuing. It never gets exhausting or boring. For me writing is something that I feel naturally drawn towards and it is always fun to have goals regarding writing.

How to convert Push Goals into Pull Goals?

Push goals are difficult but without these goals it is difficult to proceed in life. The trick therefore is to convert Push Goals into Pull Goals. It is easier said than done. Converting Push Goals into Pull Goals is difficult but not impossible. This is where Mini or Micro Habits. I achieved my goals by converting them into pull goals and micro habits. In the following table, there are a few examples of how to convert Push goals into Pull goals and microhabits.

Push GoalPull GoalStart new BusinessStart a business that involves something that you are passionate about. It could be baking, designing, networking, writing etc.To Change JobApply to 10 new jobs everyday (micro habit)To Lose WeightWalk everyday for 30 minutes while listening to my favorite podcast/audiobook/music/talking to a friend on the phone

In the above table, you could see how one can convert a Push Goal into a Pull Goal. If you wish to start a new business, look at the things that you are passionate about and align your goal with it. If you wish to change a job, try to consistently keep applying for a new job. If you want to lose weight choose a workout that you enjoy, it could be yoga, swimming, cycling, walking, running or kickboxing. Try to make it fun by going to the gym with your partner or a friend. I used to find walking extremely boring, but now I try to listen to an audiobook while walking and that has turned walking into such an enjoyable activity for me.

Micro Habits

Often we are not able to achieve our targets because we are unable to create habits. That is when micro habits turn helpful. That is doing things in a micro level. For example if you want to read more books but not finding enough time then instead of trying to finish an entire book, try to read one page of a book everyday. Instead of sweating out for 2 hours in the gym, do stretches only for 2minutes. This would help you develop a habit and soon you would see that you are doing everything that you wanted to do.

Word of the Year

This year, I realised that “health is wealth” in every sense of the term. My word for this year is HEALTHY. It includes healthy body, healthy mind, healthy relationships, healthy environment and healthy living. I wish to invest more time and energy to cultivate a healthy body and mind. 2020 made all of us realize that health is the only important things and we shouldn’t take it for granted. I hope you also start taking care of your health.

Wish you a healthy 2021!!!

10 Things that 2020 Taught Me

People are calling 2020 the worst year in human history. However, I personally feel we all needed 2020 to learn our lessons. We have been treating this Earth very badly, we have been literally abusing mother Earth and this year is how mother nature taught us a few lessons. Following are the lessons that we should all learn from 2020.

We can slow down: We were going too fast. We had time for nothing. No time for family, no time for friends, no time to sleep or eat, no time to relax, no time to sit and watch the birds, basically we had no time for ourselves or others. Our work, deadlines, clients, balance sheets, power-point presentation and meetings consumed all our time. It felt as if to stop to catch a breath would make the stock market crash. 2020 taught us that everything can stop. Meetings can stop, deadlines can wait, Olympic can get cancelled, flights can stop operating, war can stop, cities can shut down, stock market itself can shut down, churches can shut down, Mecca can shut down, . It taught us that all this humdrum was nothing but cacophony. If we want we can STOP everything. I am happy that even the busiest of men or women had to stop this year. The mother nature also stopped for a while and healed herself a little bit. We should focus more on our health than anything else: We were so busy with our financial profit and loss that we neglected our health. 2020 taught that the only wealth that we have is health. It taught us that without immunity we are puppets in the hands of a virus that can put an end to all our hopes and dreams in a matter of few days.We should have more hospitals than malls and statues: I don’t know if our leaders learned their lesson. The things that we need the most is medical aid. We need hospitals and we need schools to educate our doctors and nurses. They are the backbone for our survival. We should start spending more money on hospitals and education.We should have time for family and friends: We were so busy that we had no time for our family and friends. 2020 made many of us call our old school buddies, ex-colleagues, ex-neighbours, forgotten cousins and lost friends. For me, the video calls with my family and friends kept me sane and I realised how much they make me happy. Home schooling is a big headache: I used to be a huge advocate of ‘homeschooling’ but not anymore. My son’s online classes are driving me up the wall. I would actually write an entire post on why online classes are not my thing, even though I have spent most of my career designing online courses. What a cruel irony.We should learn to grow our own food: During the lockdown we all realised that how much we are dependent on others for our food. Therefore, it is high time that we start growing our own food. Growing everything wouldn’t be possible but we can always grow a little. We can spend much less and yet be happy: Did you realise that all of us spent so little during the Covid pandemic. The truth is all of us need quite less than we buy. This year made me resolve my oath towards minimalism stronger. We all should learn how to cook and clean: There is no pride in not knowing how to cook and clean. Irrespective of your gender, you should learn to do basic household chores. If you are a parent then teach your child how to cook and clean. They would thank you later. We should take care of our mental health: A majority of us suffered from depression in 2020. Apart from our physical body, all of us should take care of our mind. We should all learn to become a good Samaritan: One of the silver lining of the pandemic was random acts of kindness. This year, definitely taught me to become kind, compassionate and empathetic. At the end we all are human beings and should be kind towards others. This planet is home to all, let us make it a happy space.



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43 Things I am Grateful for

I have struggled with my past for the longest time. I felt like a victim, I felt that I had a rough life but then I started practicing the art of gratitude. Once gratitude became a part of my daily life, all of a sudden my past started looking way better that I believed it to be. Yes, there were moments of pain but there was also abundant moments of happiness. I was overlooking the bright part and only focusing on the dark things. Once when I started looking at my past with a sense of gratitude and forgiveness, everything started looking beautiful. I can now say without hesitation that I was gifted one of the best lives. Here are the things/people that I am grateful. I guess more than things, I am grateful for people and experiences in my life.

My Father: I was raised by an amazing father who always emphasized on my education. I belong to a generation where a girl was meant to be married off. However, my father always wanted me to get higher education. He wanted me to become a doctor but I never wanted to become a doctor. I chose to study literature and he supported me all through. He was a well read man, he had knowledge and curiosity about everything. The same trait my son has inherited. He was my confidante, I could share everything with him. He never judged me and always gave me the right advice. I was never scared of my Dad, he never scolded me yet he was a strict disciplinarian and had strict rules. I can write an entire post on him but let to stop here.My Son: I cannot feel enough gratitude for becoming a mother to this beautiful son. He is obedient, creative, intelligent and above all a tender and sensitive human being. He is my biggest support when I am down. He is gradually becoming my best friend. I do find traces of my father in him and I hope, he would inherit all the good values of my father. He is also an atheist like my Dad, I am really grateful that he believes in logic and doesn’t follow religion blindly)My Mother: I lost my mother quite early, however she left some important life lessons for me. She was an educated woman who loved to read books. I think I picked up my love for books from her. She could not fall asleep without reading. I inherited that habit. She had good knowledge about current affairs and movies. In that way, both my parents were compatible in their love for movies, books and current affairs. Our dinner table conversations were always interesting. We discussed books, politics, or movies. I still love to have dinner in this way. She was a teacher and loved telling stories. I have heard so many stories from her. She also had this habit of using proverbs and a few of her famous proverbs have been my biggest life lessons. My Grandmother: I inherited my looks and character from her. She was a no-nonsense lady. She is the strongest woman that I have come across in my life. A woman of grit and power. I absolutely loved her personality. She was sophisticated and calm. She was a student of the famous Bethune College, a well read woman. I feel proud of her.My Grandfather: My mom’s father, he was a humble man who loved us a lot. My sweetest childhood memory is of him bringing me ‘sondesh’ from the local sweet shop. I used to sit with him at night on the terrace and enjoy the moon. He took care of me when mom went to school. He loved me more than his other grandkids. I am grateful to have him in my life. My Husband: We are not a regular couple, we have our ups and downs. Nevertheless, I feel he is the exact kind of man that I need. He is helping me grow as a person. I have learned to become patient, compassionate and control my anger due to him. He is the reason why I took refuge in Nichiren Buddhism. He is helping me improve my Karma.My extended family: I am blessed to have a HUGE family. Both my parents had 9 siblings each. They also had equal number of cousins. Thankfully, we are a close knit family and in touch with most of them. Even a short family gathering has 100 people. I am also grateful that my Uncles and Aunts keep showering me with love. They never make me feel like an orphan.My cousins: I am mentioning them separately because they are my lifeline. I am a single child but thanks to my cousins I never felt alone. We speak everyday. We meet quite often. They love me and I love them.My in-laws: I was fortunate to get married into an equally big family. My husband’s brother and his wife accepted me like their own sister. I have nephews and nieces who love me and respect me. My father-in-law was my second father. My husband has a fun bunch of cousins and I just love them. Family gatherings are the most fun thing for me.Friends who became family: Some friends have ceased to become friends, they are now family. They live continents apart but always there whenever I need them.My Friends: I am blessed with an amazing set of friends. I know, I have the back of my friends. They have been there to laugh and cry with me.My Best Friend: This lady deserves a special mention. I call her ‘mom’ because she is more like a mother than a friend. She loves me, scolds me, protects me like a tigress, wipes my tears and also if needed would slap me. I can’t imagine my life without her.Friends of my parents: Both my parents passed away but I am so fortunate that their friends and colleagues have kept in touch. They regularly call me. I visit them. It is an amazing feeling to be in touch with them. It makes me feel that my parents are probably still around.My Colleagues: I have this crazy bunch of colleagues, some are now ex-colleagues but our bonding is strong. We regularly meet up and share our lives. I think I am really fortunate to have been able to keep in touch with people from wherever I worked. Even if I have worked for a few months even then I have been able to meet someone with whom I have kept in touch.My Blogger Friends: This is one amazing bunch of writers. After I took a sabbatical, I was missing meeting people. That is when I came in touch with online blogging groups and my life changed forever. I have learned so much from my blogger friends. I learned about gratitude from them. They taught me the concept of camaraderie and how to support another fellow writer. They are a bunch of talented, smart, compassionate and empathetic people who have enriched my life and made me a so much better person. I have not met all of them in person but that doesn’t change anything. I cannot thank enough for these people. I have changed as a person after meeting them.My IC Forum: I am the founder of a patient support group. I am grateful for all the good things that is happening in this group. Today, I am one of the global leaders of IC advocacy. I am so grateful that I was able to change my disease into a purpose to help others.Gangtok: I spent a considerable part of my childhood in Gangtok. My happiest memories are from that place. Growing up in a serene mountainous town has its own perks. I think, I became who I am because of my hilly roots. Watching the Kanchenjuna every day makes you as resilient as the mountain. Buddhism and Dalai Lama: I got attracted to Buddhism quite early in life. Thanks to my growing up in Sikkim. I was used to visiting monasteries and that made me find peace in Lord Buddha. I am also fortunate to have met the Dalai Lama. I was barely 6 years and was fortunate to sit on his lap. One of the things that I am grateful forever. My Education: As I mentioned, my father wanted me to get higher education. I was never a topper but was fairly good in studies. I am grateful that I could finish my Masters in two subjects and then do my M.Phil. I am still a learner and keep on enrolling for online courses. I am grateful to keep learning. My University: As a kid, I always dreamt of getting admission in a particular University. However, that University had high cut off marks and I always feared that I would never make into it. However, I am grateful that I got admission in that University. I spent 10 years inside the campus of that university doing my bachelors, two masters, M.phil, and then I joined that University as a Research associate. Those were the best 10 years of my life, when I look back now.Travel: I love to travel. I am fortunate that I got enough travel opportunities in life. I am especially grateful for my multiple solo trips to Europe. I am grateful that I have visited most of the places from my bucket list. Some of them I had thought would never happen but they happened miraculously.Finance: I am grateful that I have enough money to take care of my needs. However, I try to practice minimalism. I do not want to over-indulge and keep things to bare necessities. Excess is wastage.Home: I am happy to have beautiful homes that I can decorate at my will. I am a homey and my home is my favourite place on Earth. In a world, where billions are homeless, I am grateful to have a home.Mumbai: I live in Mumbai, and even though I have traveled all over the place, this is the only place that I would love to call home. I had a ‘love at first sight’ with this city. When I first came to visit this city, the day I was leaving, I thought to myself ‘I wish I could come back to this city again’. The dream became a reality and today this amazing city is my beloved home. My staff: I am grateful for all the people who make my life easy. My cook, my maid, my driver, my gardener and all those who do some odd jobs for me. They are the real wind beneath my wings. I am blessed to have people who really care for me and take extra effort to give me comfort. My Neighbors: Over the years, I have found some amazing neighbors. They have cared for me and helped me. They have fed me good food, gifted me nice things, shared jokes, and comforted me. My Gakkai Family: I have a huge family with whom I chant. I am grateful for all the guidance that I get from this family. They are making me a better human being.My looks: I struggled my adolescence and beyond worrying about my looks. I always considered myself the ugliest woman in the whole world. However, now I have started loving myself, I love my dimples, my wavy hair, my eyes, my skin (I often get compliments for my skin), my hands and almost everything. I have accepted even the so-called flaws in me. Body-shaming no more makes me anxious. I love myself the way I am and I am grateful for the way I look. I wouldn’t want to look like anyone else.My Health: I have ignored my health for long but now I am taking it seriously. I am grateful to Adrinne for all those yoga lessons. I am also inspired by one of my blogger friends o embrace yoga. I’m lovin it!!!!Technology: I am grateful to be born at a time when technology has made our lives so easy. These days everything is at fingertips and we are all connected. I cannot imagine a life without technology. Without technology, I wouldn’t have been writing this post also. Books: My best friend. I am also grateful that my husband who is himself not a reader but nevertheless buys loads of books for me. Whenever he crosses by a bookstore he picks up something for me.Movies: I love watching movies and grateful for all the good movies that made me happy.My job: I am grateful for my job. I love my work. I am also grateful that I get to work from home. My spiritual mentors: Over the years, many people have guided, inspired and mentored me. My biggest spiritual mentor is Rabindranath Tagore. No one is more spiritual than him. Later on Dalai Lama, Daisaku Ikeda, Mirza Ghalib and Rumi guided me. I also get inspired my numerous TED speakers. My doctors: I was suffering and no one was able to diagnose my problem. That is when I came across this doctor who not only diagnosed but also healed me physically and emotionally. I am ever grateful to him. I am also grateful to my therapist and pain therapist without whom my life would be immobile.My First book: I am grateful to have published my first book. I am grateful for all the lovely reviews that I got from the readers.My travel mates: I travel solo, however, I often end up making friendship with some of the fellow travelers. I am especially grateful for G. I hardly knew her but we ended up visiting so many places together. Strangers who help me: These are the real angels in my life. They come from nowhere and help me abundantly. I once lost my purse and a person took so much effort to return it. Once again, another person returned my mobile. As a kid, a boy cycled behind a bus for 2 kms to help me get back my school bag that I had left in the bus. In my life, I have always been helped my absolute strangers, I don’t even remember their faces but I know we have some karmic connection. I am grateful for these angels. Also the handsome Italian guy (who looked like Adonis) who helped me carry my suitcase at Rome station. The Dutch fellow who taught me about positive affirmations on my flight from Dubai to Amsterdam. My idols: Yes, I am grateful for the men or women whom I consider my idols. From Tagore to Anthony Bourdain. Lady Diana to Indira Gandhi, Sachin Tendulakar to Roberto Baggio, Soumitra Chatterjee to Julia Roberts. I am grateful for them. Imagine how boring life would have been without them.My Gratitude Circle: I am part of a gratitude circle on blogspere. I am grateful to this group for teaching me the art of gratitude.Some people whom I can’t name: There are a few people whom I shall not name but they have given me happiness, love, laughter and beautiful memories. Being Alive: I am grateful to be alive, healthy and grateful.Myself: I am grateful for the person that I am. I like that I am strong, resilient, warm and loving. I love to compare myself to a phoenix. I will rise from the ashes.



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