Balaka Basu's Blog, page 5

May 3, 2023

Do We Have a Missing Sensory Organ?

What happens when you watch too many Christopher Nolan movies and listen to lots of podcasts on the concept of the Universe, and read books on souls? Your mind goes on a psychedelic overdrive and you start thinking about things that you would have never thought about before. For last two years, I was reading a lot about souls, past life reincarnation, and near-death experiences. This led me to various books and some of them were borderline paranormal books. I am also reading Osho and while listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson. You can see what hotch-potch is going on in my brain? And this hotch-potch brain neurons came up with this THOUGHT ( I am so proud of myself and already patting my back for this thought. He he he!!)

We have various sensory organs that help us see, taste, smell, touch, and hear. What if there is something else in this universe that we cannot perceive because we do not have the required organ to perceive it?

A blind man has no idea about colors, and a deaf person has no idea about music. Similarly what if the entire human race lacks a particular organ that could help us perceive another dimension, the future, invisible souls or some abracadabra. Does that mean the third eye was a reality? Maybe we actually had a third eye in prehistoric era or maybe we will evolve to have a third eye that will help us see the future or other unseen things? We often talk about gut feeling and sixth sense. Could it be possible that those sensors are underdeveloped or developing? Maybe homo sapiens will evolve into something that has a well-developed sixth sense. Osho talks about the navel being an important sensory organ. Could it be possible?

Some animals can sense a lot of things that humans cannot. Do we have some organs underdeveloped because some other organs developed more? We know the universe has more than one dimension. We are unable to perceive those dimensions because we do not have the necessary organs. I recently read that all of us have inherent intuitions, but not many of us use it. In Yoga, they often talk about awakening the Chakras. They talk about the heart centre. If we consider all these doesn’t it lead us to something that we are yet to explore.

Warning to Self: Too much of yoga can trigger these thoughts

Our brain has so many levels. The popular myth is that we use only 10% of our brains. There are still many aspects of the brain that researchers do not yet know. And then we have Sigmund Freud and his gang of merry men and women. Then there are the conscious and subconscious. So our grey matter is still somewhat in a grey area. We are yet to understand a lot about the brain, memory, consciousness, and the subconscious. Then there is the heart. Why do we say heartbreak and not brain-break after a breakup? You see, my thoughts are going haywire. Maybe, I should stop listening to all these and get back to romantic movies and books.

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Published on May 03, 2023 05:36

April 19, 2023

What is Soul City?

All of us are familiar with the term “soulmate”. However, do you know about the term “soul city” or “spirit city”? Just like a soulmate, a soul city is a city that resonates with you and has captured your soul. A city or place that truly makes you feel comfortable and “at home”.

Before I tell you the story of my soul city, I would like to know which city you most resonate with?

Now, back to my story.

In my life, the only romantic story that is worth telling is my romance with a particular city. Those who know me well may have already guessed it. My romance with this city probably began when I was a small child. My mom was a huge movie buff. She was particularly fond of Hindi movies. Rajesh Khanna and Raj Kapoor were her matinee idols. She always wanted to meet them. However, due to her fragile health, she could never travel. One day, while I was combing her hair, she said, “when you grow up, you will live in Bombay”. She had said that so unexpectedly that I ignored it. She felt bit embarrassed at this outburst and quickly changed the subject. Almost 10 years after her death, what she said that evening seemed like a premonition. Perhaps, she had just blurted it or had some premonition herself.

In 2005, I travelled to Mumbai for the first time. My best friend had just got a job in Mumbai. She was living in a flat with some other girls. I invited myself because I was going through a bad breakup and wanted a mental diversion. Within a week, I got down from a train at Tilak Nagar Station.

Have you ever felt this after setting foot in an unknown city that you know the city?

It could be due to an overdose of Hindi movies that I was familiar with the city. However, I felt strangely familiar with the surroundings. I felt a strange connection to the city. 18 years later, this is the city that I proudly and lovingly call home. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that even if given a choice, I wouldn’t want to settle in any other city. This is my soul city, we are made for each other.

Why I Call Mumbai My Soul-City?

I do not like extreme climate. I don’t like places that are too hot or too cold. Mumbai has the optimum weather conditions for me. It neither gets too hot nor too cold. Throughout the year, the temperature is bearable. However, Mumbai weather is suffering some extremities due to climate change. Nevertheless, it is better than other places.Even though I grew up in a cold place like Gangtok, yet I am not fond of winter. Whenever I have to wear sweaters, jackets, or any other winter garments, I feel irritated. Mumbai is a city where we never feel the need to wear winter garments. Yippeee!!!I love beaches. Living in Mumbai, I get the privilege to visit the beaches whenever I like. While my cousins in other cities have to travel long distance to visit a beach, I can just take a rickshaw and go to Juhu beach. Isn’t it fun?I love calm within chaos. I am an ambivert and get depressed in places that are too desolate. I love to be alone in a crowd. Mumbai is perfect for that. Here I can sit on my window seat alone with a cup of hot chai and watch the city run. So many cars, shops, people, and light beneath my building makes me feel safe and happy.I have a special love for markets but hate malls. Mumbai is a city that is full of both. I take my pick and visit various markets where I can bargain and buy things. Buying something from Bandra linking road, fashion street Colaba, or Lokhandwala market gives me immense happiness and satisfaction that I can never express in words. Those who love Mumbai, they will understand what this means.Mumbai local trains are often maligned. However, if you have ever lived in Mumbai, you would know how thrilling and fun local trains can be. These days, I usually travel in the first class women’s coach which is not so crowded. I love the vibe of local trains. They seem so lively, so bubbly, and so powerful. Mumbai local trains have their unique characteristic. When I was a regular traveler, I had made friends on train. People sing song, buy things, chop vegetables, crochet, read books, write movie scripts, practice dialogues for movie auditions, prepare their college presentations, check their Tinder, and God knows what else on Mumbai local trains. Just watching fellow commuters is enough time-pass for me. Once again, unless you have taken a local train, you wouldn’t be able to comprehend the fun. I agree the overpacked coaches is intimidating but trust me, once you can manage to get in, the fun begins.I spent most of my growing up years in Eastern India where sun sets by 5.30 pm. However, when I visited Mumbai, I was thrilled to see that Sun sets way past 7.30 pm. Getting these extra daylight was exciting for me.Mumbai is one of the safest city that I know of. Even in the middle of the night, I feel safe walking alone here. Unlike many cities in India and abroad, you do not feel unsafe walking alone as a girl.Mumbai has the best night life. I think the only other city that matches to the night life of Mumbai is New York, not even Paris or London. Mumbai is a city that literally never sleeps. Even in the middle of the night you will find a thela selling hot anda bhurji and pav. Most shops are open till 10 pm, pubs and restaurants are open till 12 am and beyond, medicine shops are open 24/7, way past midnight people take a stroll on Mumbai beaches.Even though this is subjective, I feel people in Mumbai are non-interfering and helpful. Auto rickshaw walas are honest compared to many other cities.Mumbai is a truly cosmopolitan city. So many communities have made this city their home. In Mumbai, you will find Parsi baugs, East Indian gaothans, and numerous chawls.Foreigners love to do poverty tourism in India. Their favorite destination is Dharavi, the biggest slum in Asia. However, it is interesting to note that Dharavi has an annual turnover of 1 billion US dollars. Fashion brands like Armani, Zara, H&M manufacture their items in Dharavi. A small insiders tip, you can get Armani bags (slightly defective) at Rs2000 in Dharavi. So all those Michael Korrs bags that our foreigner cousins flaunt during their India visits are probably made here in Dharavi.Mumbai has some of the best schools and educational institutes in the country. Therefore, I know my child can study here as long as he wishes.Mumbai also has some of the best private hospitals.Last but probably not the least, I live in a city where I have neighbors who are celebrities. You may feel that I am showing off but this is the fact. I am especially proud that cricket legend Mohinder Amarnath lives in my building. Late Sushant Singh Rajput was literally my next door neighbor for a while.

Which place we call our home depends on numerous things. We move from one city to another due to college, jobs, better opportunities and numerous other personal choices. Some people live in a place under compulsion while there are others who choose to live in a city. I consider myself blessed to have been able to live in a city that is almost tailor-made for me. This is the city that I love and have a strong connection with. Whenever I travel out of Mumbai, I start missing the city. The moment I can see the Mumbai chawls from my Flight’s window, I feel a strong sense of comfort. I am grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to live in this chaotic, crazy, funky, yet warm and cozy city. Both of us are imperfect in our own ways and with our imperfections we are made for each other.

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Published on April 19, 2023 05:40

April 11, 2023

How A Toxic Person Is Your Biggest Teacher

When we come across a difficult person or situation, we often ask ourselves, what sin or what bad Karma did I commit that I am dealing with this situation or person. However, if we change our perspective and think a little harder, we will realize that the difficult person or situation is often our biggest teacher. They often hold a mirror to our soul and show us our own inner demons. We all have ego and we love to see ourselves as flawless. However, all of us are flawed and the funny thing is that we don’t even realize our flaws. An evolved soul will realize their mistakes and rectify themselves, while an unevolved soul will keep repeating the mistakes and keep circling in the domain of flaws and mistakes. They will keep creating hell for themselves while an evolved soul will find heaven in their situation like a lotus flower.

Recently, something happened that made me wallow in self-pity. I was thinking, ‘oh I have such a bad life, I am stuck with bad people around me, my life is hell’. While I was thinking all this, I didn’t realize that perhaps, the bad was not outside but within me. Maybe, it was my own ego and selfishness that was creating such hellish condition around me. Maybe, I should learn to let go. The entire situation made me realize my own inner devils. I understood that no matter how good I think I am, deep down within I am as selfish as the other person who was hurting me. I am selfish, I like to micromanage, and I always want things to happen my way. I consciously do not realize this, but my inner wiring is such that I do all these kinds of things.

It took me almost a week to come out of my inner hell and breathe. I am no saint, I am quite a devil as the next person. Therefore, the question is how do I change myself. The answer is, I should stop trying to micromanage everything and everybody is my life. While I blame others of being controlling, probably, I am myself also a control freak. I should let others do things their way. I should not always try to be the center of attention and let others take the center stage.

Once, I realized this, I decided to follow these steps below.

Deep breatheWhenever, I feel anxious and in loss of control, I should take a deep breath and pausePausing is often the best way to regain focusObserve more and do lessWe are so eager to do things that we often forget to observe what others want to do, how they feel, and how they are behavingFor once let others take decisionsThere is no need to take all the decision just because I am good at decision making (see how my Ego is speaking

)Don’t be afraid that others will make mistakes. Let them make mistakes, they will learnNo need to feel happy because others messed upNo need to feel jealous or anxious that someone else is getting more attention and being at the centreOnce you can conquer your own inner devils, you can be happy and peaceful

Difficult and toxic people will never change. However, often the best way to deal with their toxicity is by letting them be toxic. Taking a step back can often let you have your own peace. Often the toxic or narcissist knows your inner triggers or devils more than you do and they deliberately do certain things to press your buttons. The wise thing to do is to not dance to their tunes. When they see that you are not getting bothered, they lose interest. Always thank the toxic person in your life. They are the ones who help you become a better person. However, only if you get rid of your own toxic emotions.

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Published on April 11, 2023 23:22

December 28, 2022

WOTY: GROW

In 2021, my word of the year (WOTY) was HEAL. I had a lot of emotional baggage that I wanted to get rid of. I wanted to heal my past trauma with self-love and self care. However, healing is not so simple. It doesn’t happen overnight. Healing is not a destination but a journey. Healing takes time and patience. Healing is not easy. When we start the process of healing, it actually causes more pain. I am proud that my healing journey has started and I have progressed. Healing should be followed by growth and therefore, my WOTY for 2023 is GROW. In 2023, I want to grow as a human being, grow in love, grow a small garden, learn new skills, grow my knowledge base, grow spiritually, and grow some positive habits.

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”
Carolyn Myss

We often think that growth means success, material success. For some people growth means skyrocketing bank balance, a bigger house, a bigger car, branded clothes, foreign trips, and other luxuries. However, to me growth means just the opposite. To me growth means healing, growth means peace, growth means more stillness, and more calm. There is too much of chaos around. I just want to find a calm spot amidst this cacophony. To me growth means the courage to give up everything that is hindering my journey forward. Give up everything that is causing stress and restlessness. Buddhist Monks even give up their hair as it serves no purpose and that is growth. I may not go to that extreme, nevertheless, I want to give up everything that is stalling my emotional growth. I want to unburden myself before I go. Grow with gratitude and peace.

Grow Healthy: In 2020, I started my health journey when I started taking care of my mental and physical health. I want to continue that journey. I want to continue my daily yoga practice, keep walking 10k steps, eat healthy, sleep for 8-9 hours, drink 4L water, and practice mindfulness and meditation. I have started meditation. However, let me confess meditation is difficult. I thought that meditation is just closing my eyes and sitting. When I started guided meditation, I realized it is extremely tough to practice. Keeping my mind calm for even one minute seems challenging. Most days, I cannot focus beyond 5 minutes. However, there are also days when I can focus. There have also been days when I have cried profusely or smiled blissfully during meditation. Most of the days, I feel immensely grateful after my meditation practice. I can feel unconditional love and light around me. As if I am engulfed in love and blessings from the universe. If you are new to meditation, then do read Thich Nhat Hanh’s books on meditation and mindfulness practice. They will really guide you.

Growing Healthy Relationships: We are social beings. We need healthy relationships to survive. We cannot live a solitary life with nobody to love and care for us. I mean, some people can perhaps live all alone in a deserted island. I honestly cannot. I need people around me. I don’t like a mob but I also don’t like deserted places. I need a proper balance. However, the main criteria to grow healthy relationship is not only love and care but also we should be able to draw healthy boundaries. Our basic relationship is with ourselves. We should not let others take us for granted. Loving others doesn’t mean getting so carried away that you lose your dignity and sense of self. Love and respect your friends and family and ask them to do the same. Healthy relationships develop on giving and taking. Remove all those who are only takers, make space for those who are givers. Listen to others, stop judging, stop blaming, stop neglecting, and stop reacting. We should love ourselves first. If we do not love and respect ourselves, nobody else is going to do it. This may seem cliché but this is the truth. One gyan to my younger readers- romantic relationship is not the only kind of relationship that we should obsess about. Often we neglect other people in our lives for our romantic interest. However, we are all souls and our soulmate who will give us unconditional love can come in any form. So do not neglect your parents, siblings, friends, co-workers or even strangers in pursuit of a “romantic love”. There is love everywhere, just learn to accept it. Be kind and compassionate and learn to GROW IN LOVE.

Grow a Garden: I love plants. My dream is to grow a small garden that will provide me food and flowers. Living in Mumbai, it seems difficult. One day, in the future, I would like to build a tiny house and grow a small organic garden. However, till then, I would like to keep tending and growing my small balcony garden. My dream retired life is that of living in a tiny house with pets and a small organic garden where I grow my food. I may also run a small garden cafeteria adjacent to my house where I will serve tourists organic food. Wow!!! getting goosebumps dreaming about it.

Learn New Skills: There are some skills that I want to learn in 2023. I want to learn advanced yoga and meditation. I have a wish to go to a yoga retreat in Dharamshala. I may join a nirvana course in Pondicherry. However, given the condition of my engagements, these seem difficult but I will keep my hopes high. I want to learn how to grow herbs in pots. Learn basic carpentry and pottery. Learn how to paint and swim. I also never learnt how to ride a bike as a child. I want to learn that also.

With all these resolutions, I eagerly wait to welcome 2023. Please tell me what are your resolutions? Do they align with your real self? Do they help your soul progress in its journey?

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Published on December 28, 2022 03:46

December 26, 2022

Gratitude Post for 2022

I have a ritual for posting a gratitude post at the end of each year. 2022 is going to be no exception. Gratefulness is a practice that helps us see the brighter side of life. Gratitude helps to convert our mindset from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Ever since I started practicing gratefulness, I have observed a paradigm shift in my perspective toward life. I feel more content and calmer with this practice. Every year, I create a list of goals that I wish to achieve in that particular year. Often the goals are as simple as calling up school friends, or watering my indoor plants. I feel grateful and proud, when I see at the end of the year that I have achieved most of the goals. If you remember my post on push and pull goals, where I wrote about how to write achievable resolutions, then you would know that I always try to create pull goal. In 2022, I have once again been able to achieve almost 80% of my goals. One of my goals was to meet up with friends every month. I am surprised that just by writing down that simple goal, I became so much more extrovert and took out time to meet so many friends who live nearby and also far away. Without writing anymore, let me list down the things am grateful for in 2022.

My Yoga Practice: I have changed my life with yoga. I wonder why I hadn’t fallen in love with yoga earlier. One of the blessings of the pandemic was yoga. While being locked at home, I found solace in yoga and now I cannot think of my life without yoga. I am immensely grateful to all the yoga gurus who teach Free Yoga on YouTube . I express my immense gratitude to my virtual yoga goddess Adrienne Mishler (I just looooooove this woman). I am also immensely grateful to other yoga Gurus Kassandra, Sara Beth, Yogi in Melbourne, and my yoga mentors Aishwarya and Chaitanya. My Dietician: I was obese. In January 2022, I got covid and due to obesity, my healing became a challenge. My doctor got worried and suggested that I should lose weight immediately or else it could cause serious health complications. I have always suffered from slow metabolism and losing weight is not easy for me. Thankfully, I got in touch with a compassionate dietician who helped me lose weight in a healthy way. I am slightly disappointed for re-gaining some of the weight back. However, I am hopeful that in 2023, I would be able to stay leaner than before.The Walking Track in my Society: I am so thankful to the Universe that even in a congested city like Mumbai, I live in a society that is spacious and full of greenery. My society is like a small oasis where we have a beautiful walking/jogging track full of greenery. The tall trees provide good shadow and therefore walking feels never tiring. While walking, I can observe nice plants, tall green trees, colorful flowers, magnificent butterflies, squirrels, and exquisite birds like humming birds and parrots. My Walking Friends: I am grateful to have a few friends who accompany me during the walks. I walk twice a day, morning and evening. Both the times, there are a few friends who join me and keep me motivated. I try to walk 10K steps a day. Once we finish our walks, we sit down and chat. Some days, we go for coffee at the nearest Chayoos.WFH: One of the blessings of the pandemic has been the opportunity to work from home. I am so happy and grateful that I do not need to travel to office amidst horrible Mumbai traffic anymore. I save almost 3-4 hours each day on travel. It goes without saying that I also save money and effort. I am also grateful for the new job opportunity that I accepted this year. I am learning so many new things in this position that I am thrilled beyond words.Colleagues: I am blessed to have teammates who are extremely supportive. I am learning so much everyday from them.Friends: In January, when I fell prey to covid, my friends went out of their ways to help me cope. They provided food, medicines, and even cash when I was in quarantine. Throughout the year, my friends were my biggest support. We had plenty of girls night outs, birthday parties, valentines party, and enjoyed the festivals together. I partied almost every month (I had written in my yearly wish-list and happy to see it getting manifested)My House helps: One reason why I love living in India is the access to domestic helps. They are our true saviors. The girl who comes to me is so sweet. I enjoy drinking a cup of tea with her every morning listening to Bollywood music. I really look forward to this ritual. Trips: In 2022, I went on three trips. The first one was a Mommy kiddie trip to Alibag . The second was a family vacation to Kashmir and the last one was a solo trip to my hometown Kolkata. In KOlkata, I relaxed the way I have not relaxed in the longest time. I also met quite a few friends whom I have not met in a long time. It was such a lovely winter trip, loved every second of it.Social Media Detox: I am grateful to myself for having the determination to stay off social media since March. Initially, I was skeptical that I wouldn’t sustain a day without posting some crap on social media but I survived. I am so proud of myself for being able to do this. I have uninstalled all social media apps (excluding WhatsApp) from my phone. I have stopped using social media for personal gratification and validation. I only use it to give and get information.Party: I was never a party animal. Being an introvert, I avoided parties. However, in 2022, I saw a change in myself when I willingly wanted to meet more people. Perhaps, the pandemic brought this change in me. I have realised the value of social bonding. I have partied more this year than in my entire life. I am grateful to have friends and cousins who make my social life so beautiful.Spiritual Awakening: In 2022, I have not read a single fiction. All the 12 books that I read are non-fiction and mostly spiritual. I read a lot about Buddhism. I read books by Dalai Lama, Thich Naht Hanh, and Daiseku Ikeda. I absolutely loved reading the series Dala Lama’s Cat. Being a fan of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, I loved the memoir written by his son Garcia Rodrigo. I also read quite a few books on soul connections. I truly believe that with each day, I am becoming more accepting and less judgmental. Thanks to all these books that encourage me to think beyond the conventional.

Now, tell me how was your 2022? What are the things that you are grateful for in 2022? Before you go, please leave a comment and check out some images from my yearbook.

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Published on December 26, 2022 03:44

November 10, 2022

What Is the Main Purpose of Soul

This post is going to be different from any posts that I have written in this blog. This post will probably make you think about a lot of things, only if you are interested in this topic. The topic may seem morbid and dull as it is primarily about death, after life, reincarnation and souls. Let me give the disclaimer at the very beginning that I am neither a scientist nor an expert on this topic. I am writing this from the point of view of a seeker who is seeking answers. Therefore, there are more problems than solutions in this post.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I have seen too many deaths in my life. I have lost too many loved ones in my life. If there is one trauma in my life it is to deal with grief caused by death of loved ones. I feel, death touches everyone but not many overthink about it the way I do. They move on.

The first memory of a death that touched me was of Indira Gandhi. Mrs Gandhi had come to our school. I had shook hands with her and given her a rose. Within a year, she was assassinated. For a small girl, it felt like a personal loss. Numerous celebrity deaths in later years touched me badly. The worst being that of Anthony Bourdain and Princess Diana. I didn’t know them, but their death felt personal.

Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and my mother died one after the other within a short span. I was barely 17 years old and the death of my mother was more traumatic than I realised. It took me years to figure out, how my mom’s death had broken me from within. I could possibly never cope with her loss.

I lost my best friend to cancer while we were still in our 20s. It was unbelievable that a chirpy girl could die just like that. A part of me probably felt guilty to enjoy things that she couldn’t. Losing my pet was also traumatic. The list of Uncles, aunts, and cousins who left for heavenly abode grew over the years. I remember old people saying that they have seen too many deaths but I am not yet that “old” and yet I have seen a lot.

Precisely, to cope with grief, I started looking for answers. Is death really the end? Do we lose our loved ones forever? or, is death a new beginning? These questions led me to read a lot of things. The first pathbreaking book that I read was “Many Lives, many Masters” by Brian Weiss. The recommendation for this book came from a fellow blogger Shalini. She said that this book would change my life and she couldn’t have been more accurate.

The next thing that moved me was a Netflix series called “Surviving Death”. This book talked about “Near Death Experiences” in one episode. I got absolutely fascinated with near death experiences (NDE). Thanks to social media, there are no dearth of these experiences online. Starting from celebrities like Sharon Stone to my Husband’s uncle, I heard so many NDE that honestly I feel there is more beyond what we see or perceive.

There are also people like Anita Moorjani, who are making money from their NDE. But some of the experiences actually make us think. If you follow me on Goodreads, you will see that most of the books that I read in 2022 are related to past life explorations. Most spiritual books talk about souls. Hinduism and Jainism talk extensively about rebirth, atma (soul), and reincarnations. I follow a hospice nurse on Youtube who shares her experiences of dying patients. She also suggests that there is something beyond death. Even quantum physics says that we are energy and life doesn’t end at death. Eminent physicist Dr. Robert Lanza claimed that life is energy and energy is immortal and so it keeps existing after death. So is what physicist call energy is what spirituality calls souls? I am still seeking these answers. However, the personal lessons that I learned from my readings are as follows.

Life is energy, every person is therefore an energyWhat we in popular language call vibe is actually the energy of that personIn physics, we have negative and positive energy. Similarly, in life also there is negative and positive energyBond with those whose energy matches yoursIn comparison to the universe we are microscopic, and finiteDo not waste your energy on things and people that stress youAs a soul, your job is to learn and move onI have strongly started believing that we are born as a cluster of souls. Those whom I meet in this life, I have met them before in my previous livesThe Universe owes us nothing but we owe a lot to the universeEverything is connectedThe design of the Universe is beyond our understandingWe need to trust the universe

I have also started believing that the dead connect with us. Maybe, it may seem hoax to you but I have got signs. Earlier, I used to ignore these signs but now I have started believing in them. (Maybe because I am getting old and crazy or maybe it gives me solace from my grief). It is said that departed souls send you signals. I have started seeing them. A white feather that I saw the other day made sense. A bluebird felt like a messenger from my departed aunt. I can go on and on about signs. A few years back, I would think these are just scams but now I somehow feel a strong connection to signs

Popular culture convinced us that a “soulmate” is a romantic partner. However, in reality a soul mate is that soul who is completes you, supports you, comforts you and unconditionally loves you. Therefore, your romantic partner, husband, or boyfriend can be your soulmate but not necessarily. Your parents, your children, your best friend, your siblings or even a random stranger can be your soulmate. As I said, I am not an expert and still learning, I would really like to know more about guardian angels who help us.

A part of me is also concerned that perhaps I am moving away from science, logic, common sense, and reality. Maybe, I am getting drawn to the mystic and confusing world of paranormal, spirituality, cults, and hocus-focus. What do you think is the main purpose of a soul? Is it to learn to be more compassionate? Or is it to keep creating good causes? I would honestly like to hear your thoughts on this whole thing. Please leave a comment.

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Published on November 10, 2022 03:39

October 17, 2022

We Just Need to Survive

The purpose of life is to survive. The universe has been creating billions of living beings and expects most of them to survive for a decent amount of time. In this age of Instagram, we are often motivated to find the “true” purpose of life. Motivational quotes flood our message boxes every morning that encourage us to find the purpose of life. I searched a lot and concluded that most of us are not unique or exceptional. Our only purpose is to be born and then die. In between, we can procreate, have a career, find a job, travel, and do other things. Honestly, even if we don’t do that it wouldn’t affect the universe. As Sadhguru rightly said, we are just a popup on the huge screen of the Universe and we unnecessarily take ourselves too seriously. The Universe, unlike the Earth is not even affected by Global warming or plastic abuse. The Universe wouldn’t get affected even if the Earth with all its stupid megalomaniac, narcissistic creatures get destroyed. Even the Earth is a slightly bigger popup. So instead of focusing on too many idiotic things, we should primarily focus on one thing “survival”. As Darwin rightly said only the fittest will survive.

100 years later, all our life events would hardly make any difference to anybody. 500 years later, even the so called great men and women will hardly matter. Does the man who created fire matter to us anymore? even though we shamelessly use fire or fire equivalent throughout the day. In a nutshell, we should stop being so self obsessed and just try to live and breathe. As my yoga teacher says, the only thing that matters is your breath. Yes, because my breathing tells me that I am alive. So just keep breathing.

There was a time when I seriously believed that I have a greater purpose in life. Perhaps change the world, bring peace, help the starving kids in Africa, or some other purpose that the Beauty Queens talk about. However, with age, I realized that my only purpose is to survive, complete my life cycle and die. Surviving has never been easy. Our primitive ancestors had to fight every single day to survive. They had to fight to find food, shelter, protection from harsh weather, and wild animals to survive. Their life expectancy was less. With advancement, our life expectancy has increased because we do not have to fight for survival. As fighting is an integral part of our “survival instinct” we started finding new ways to fight. So we invented relationships, politics, jobs, etc. Unless we are in the armed forces, we no longer literally fight. Nevertheless, we are constantly fighting to survive. Sometimes we are just manufacturing fights.

Our role in this mortal life is to breathe and survive. We need to just do that. Everything else is just a frill. So if my short skirt is irritating my distant aunt, let her get irritated because her feelings do not hamper my survival. However, if my short skirt antagonize someone who can kill me for my skirt, maybe I need to do something to protect myself. In a nutshell, choose to respond to only those that upset your survival. Rest everything can take a chill pill. I wish, I could tell this to my mom that “yeh log kya kahenge” is just a stupid thing. It doesn’t affect our survival unless some khap panchayat gets involved.

Throughout her life, my Mom was focused on things that I consider useless. And her entanglement with all these useless things affected her mental and physical health so much that she died premature. Had she not focused on all these things, probably she would have lived a more fulfilling life. Due to all these unnecessary worries, she never became happy and content with her own life.

Focus only on things that are aligned to your survival. So focus on your health both mental and physical. Remember, once your days are over you will not take away anything. So focus on earning only that much wealth that you need to survive comfortably. Do not get a cardiac arrest accumulating excess wealth that you will not be able to spend in your lifetime. Avoid relationships that will drain your energy. I see so many incidences where a person commits suicide due to a breakup or divorce. Do not do that. Stop believing in the stories of true love and soulmate. Our primitive ancestors never bothered about soulmates. They would have used another person as a human shield if need be. Be selfish unapologetically and focus on your own healthy survival. Remember, all our emotions, instincts, reasoning, and problem solving is aligned with only one thing, our survival. So focus and thrive to survive and just cut the clutter.

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Published on October 17, 2022 05:21

June 23, 2022

Helpful Tips to Plan Your Kashmir Trip

I had always fancied Kashmir. However, had given up hope of ever visiting it, given the situation there. I am really grateful to the almighty for making this dream a reality.

The trip began on a slightly bumpy track. Our Mumbai Srinagar flight got delayed by 6 hours. Spicejet showed such an unprofessional attitude in dealing with the delay, that passengers of the Srinagar flight literally did a “boarding roko” at Mumbai airport. I have never seen this kind of passenger agitation at an airport before. It is a long story and maybe for some other time.

The view of Srinagar from the flight was something I have never seen in India. For a moment, I felt, I was visiting some foreign country. My suggestion is that you should visit Kashmir once in your lifetime.

First view of Kashmir from the Flight

This post is more of an informative one. Many of my friends saw my photos and asked many questions. In this post, I am trying to answer those questions. Without wasting time let me delve into the questions. I am trying my best to give you a fair reply.

Is Kashmir Safe to Visit?

Yes, Kashmir is absolutely safe to visit. However, be prepared to see platoons of BSF and CRPF patrolling every nook and corner. Be prepared for lengthy security checks. You will find snipers all over. On our way to Pahalgam, our car was stopped every 10 minutes to allow the army trucks to pass. If you are from other parts of India, you may feel uncomfortable with such a heavy army presence. However, be thankful for their thankless job that we had a safe trip.

On our way to Pahalgam. The Lidder river started flowing along with

What Was Our Kashmir Itinerary?

We spent most of our time in Pahalgam and Srinagar. If you visit Kashmir in summer then these two are the best places to visit. In Autumn and winter, Gulmarg and Sonmarg are the best places as you get to see snow. We did go to Gulmarg but dropped Sonmarg. We went to Sinthan Pass where we found snow.

Tourists Enjoying Snow at Sinthan Top

Is Kashmir Expensive?

Yes, honestly I spent more money in Kashmir than I spent in Hungary. Food, car rentals, auto fare, and hotel tariff are higher than in the rest of India. However, if you visit in the off-season you will get cheaper prices perhaps. You should bargain for everything.

In tourist areas, be careful about scams. They quote you exorbitant rates. In one place, they asked 7500 for a pony ride. We bargained and paid only 700. You really need to have hard bargaining skills.

Aru Valley, Pahalgam

How Digital Is Kashmir?

Living in Mumbai, we are so used to Ola, Uber, Swiggy, Zomato, and other app-based services that it felt like we have stepped backward in time in Kashmir. None of these work. Most shops do not accept credit/debit cards. Paytm and Google pay is still not popular among small shopkeepers. Therefore, carry hard cash. Kashmir has issues with load-shedding. Thus, ATM machines also stop working. Internet is feeble. Wifi connections are not available everywhere. So be prepared to stay without the internet in many places.

Betaab Valley, Pahalgam. The movie Betaab was shot here and hence the name

How Are Kashmiri People?

Firstly, they are the prettiest people in India. Every man and woman is prettier than many of our Bollywood stars. I have never met such handsome auto drivers, waiters, and policemen in any other part of the country.

Kashmiri people are friendly and talkative. It is easy to start a conversation with them. They emphasize “mehmaan nawazi“. They treat you like their guests and wherever we went we heard ” aap humhare mehmaan hai, aapko kush karna humhara kaam hai“. You will fall in love with their hospitality.

Kashmiri People will serve you Kahwa as an act of hospitality

I fell in love with this beautiful girl

What to Eat In Kashmir?

Unlike, the rest of India, you will not find the popular food chains in Kashmir. In Srinagar, you may find some. However, do not miss the local cuisine. Kashmiri wazwaan is a mouthwatering spread of dishes. Wazwaan is available for both vegetarian and non-vegetarian people. Kashmiri cuisine is similar to Persian cuisine. Wazwan is their wedding spread that consists of 25 dishes. In Srinagar, Mughal Darbar is the best place for wazwan. If you do not want to try local cuisine then Nathus is a good food chain for vegetarian food.

Apart from wazwaan, do not miss fresh fruits from the local orchards. On your way to Pahalgam, eat apples and drink fresh apple juices. On your way to Gulmarg, pluck cherries and plums from the orchard and eat them fresh. Try eating walnuts and almonds at Badam Vaer in Srinagar.

Kebab is a part of Kashmiri Wazwaan

Shopping in Kashmir?

If you love shopping then Kashmir is heaven. You can literally “shop till you drop”. Things that you should buy in Kashmir are shawls, stoles, wooden items like miniature shikara and houseboats, spatula, tables, jewelry boxes, ornaments, Kashmiri silk sarees, saffron, walnuts, shilajit, dried fruits, apples, cherries, plums from orchards. I have never tasted such divine dried fruits in life. Dried fruits like cranberries, strawberries, cherries, kiwis, mangoes, and blueberries were yummy. You can easily replace them with desserts. On our way to Srinagar from Gulmarg, we bought freshly plucked red cherries from an orchard. The cherry orchard owner even gave us a tour of the orchard.

Word of caution: In Kashmir, numerous hawkers will approach you with various products ranging from shawls to saffron. My advice is that don’t buy from them. They will sell you at cheaper rates but their products are not genuine. Visit a government showroom and buy Kashmiri products. Saffron you can buy from Pampore, a small area between Srinagar and Pahalgam. This area is the saffron farm of India. Buy Apples directly from the orchards on your way to Pahalgam. Shawls and souvenirs can be bought from Lal Chowk Srinagar.

Kashmiri hawkers are nagging, especially the ones in Pahalgam who were following us wherever we went. Pestering to buy their stuff. It takes immense patience and determination to avoid them. Honestly, I was getting irritated by their constant nagging.

Places I Visited and Loved

I visited lots of places. Let me arrange them in descending order from most liked to the least.

Srinagar houseboat and Dal lake were my absolute favorite.

Do not miss the experience of living on a houseboat in Srinagar. A unique experience that you will cherish. However, do research before booking the houseboat. Some houseboats are shabby and anchored at the back of the lake. Those are not recommended. The houseboats parked at ghat number 12 onwards are good. The best and most luxurious ones are parked at Nagin lake.

Dal Lake, Srinagar

View from the deck of the houseboat

Watching sunset from the houseboat was a mesmerizing experience

How Was the Houseboat Experience?

As a child, I loved watching the Doordarshan serial called Gul Gulshan Gulfam. I used to fantasize about living on a houseboat. Finally, the dream came true and I loved every nanosecond of my stay on the houseboat.

Houseboats are costlier than hotels but worth the extra cost. Basic facilities may not be excellent but you will enjoy the view and homely warmth. We spent a lot of our time relaxing on the deck of the houseboat watching shikaras sail. Shopping from the floating shikaras was also a new experience.

The shikara ride is also amazing. There was one full ride and another short ride. We took the short ride and visited only Meena Bazar. On our way to Meena Bazar we saw the houseboat named Gulfam on which the serial gul gulshan gulfam was shot.

Living room of the houseboat

Bed room

The Ferry Shikara

Shikara Shops and Shikara Ambulance

Meena Bazaar

Gulmarg

Gulmarg is a beautiful meadow. The Gondola ride in Gulmarg was the highlight. As there was no snow, we only took the phase 1 Gondola ride.

View from my hotel window

The meadows of Gulmarg

Gulmarg Gondola

View from the Gondola

A Shiva Temple in Gulmarg

Baisaran

This place is known as “Mini Switzerland”. You need to either trek or ride on a pony to reach this place.

Baisaran

Lidder Park, Pahalgam

Lidder Park is a good place to get a view of the Glaciers

Dua Park

Where the glaciers meet the river

Aru valley

The Movie Karz was shot here

Betaab Valley

Movie Betaab was shot here

Lidder River

Sinthan Top

On our Way

Driving through snow-capped hills

Only place we found snow in Summer

Baaghs of Srinagar

Many Bollywood films were shot here

Shalimar Baag

Badaam Vaer

Pahalgam, the Valley of Sepherds

Baisaran

Last but Not the Least, the Flowers of Kashmir

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Published on June 23, 2022 05:43

May 26, 2022

What is Experience Addiction?

Minimalism is gaining massive popularity in the US and other parts of the world. A common mantra that is preached by minimalism is “don’t buy things, buy experiences”. As minimalism gained popularity, this mantra also became popular. Every person started to embrace the mantra of “buying experiences”. People started spending more money on travel, food, concert, and hobbies than ever before. Social media hashtags regarding various “experiences” became popular. Those mere mortals who were sitting in front of the television eating chips suddenly started feeling #FOMO when they saw their friends posting photos of feeding an elephant in Sri Lanka. Social media encouraged the trend of “buying experiences” and now Sharma ji ka beta was not only a class topper but also a globe trotter.

Numerous big and small businesses emerged whose only job is to “sell experiences”. My Pune-wala cousin who once peed in his pants watching the horror TV serial called “kille ka rahasya” on Doordarshan was suddenly going on a haunted castle tour in Scotland. In my office, our Diwali gift was no longer a box of dry fruits and sonpapdi but a coupon for wine tasting in Sula Vineyards (See!! things over experiences, even managers follow this now). My (laziest) friend R whose mom couldn’t send him to buy a cup of dahi from the local grocery store was now trekking in Rishikesh. Suddenly, there is a huge rush to “gather experiences”. Instagram is full of high resolution images of people’s “experiences”.

The market is a clever b***h. When the market realized that people are now more interested in buying “experiences” than “things”, it turned “experience” into a profitable product. Experience as a product has been there for centuries but its profitability increased manifold recently. These days, walking tours, trekking, homestays, kayaking, hiking, and camping have become popular even among many who are honestly not genuinely into these things. Many are doing it only out of peer pressure and FOMO. Movies like Zindagi na milegi dobara only added to the market rush.

I am a self-confessed minimalist. I have always been a minimalist, even before I knew the term. I believe that we should “gather” experiences. The point where I differ is that I would emphasize “gathering” experiences than “buying” them. I agree that certain experiences should be bought however there is more fun in collecting them than buying them. I would stick to the cliche that “money can’t buy love or happiness“. If you can “buy” a certain experience half the fun would be gone. You can never fill the hollowness and unhappiness in your soul with products or experiences. It can give you a temporary dopamine rush but not permanent contentment.

People who are restless in their search for happiness wouldn’t hesitate to spend millions to buy experiences, like a luxurious yacht ride or asking Shahrukh Khan to dance at their wedding. However, not everyone can afford that. Many people are wasting a lot of money on buying experiences that could have been free of cost. For example, a friend of mine recently went to stay in a village to experience village life. He was spending more money on a village hut than he would have spent on an OYO room. He said after coming back “what an amazing experience, you cannot imagine”. I said, “oye! hello! I grew up in a jungle and married a guy whose parents still live in a village” What you spent money to enjoy, I enjoy for free.

I personally believe that spontaneous experiences are more enjoyable than curated and choreographed experiences. My experience of enjoying raw mango in my grandma’s mango orchard is an experience that even a trillion dollars cannot buy. Walking with my friend Subhalaxmi and getting lost in Shantiniketan’s khoai is again something money couldn’t have bought me. A creepy experience in my friend’s new flat is any day better than a guided haunted house tour. Spending a night at Goa’s beach because we were thrown out of the farmhouse is way better than “experience” of sleeping on a beach bought from some travel agent.

Let me conclude this post with a few lines from an article I read in medium.

To find authentic happiness in our experiences, we need to understand why we’re pursuing them. In a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, researchers found that people who were intrinsically motivated to spend money on life experiences reported higher levels of fulfillment and well-being than those who did so for extrinsic reasons. Meaning: Sure, go to the “superbloom” if you have a genuine interest in poppies — but it won’t feel as good if you’re just going to get a killer Instagram post.

“We’ve turned experience itself into a product,” writes psychotherapist Nancy Colier in Psychology Today. “No longer ‘in’ life or part of the stream of life, we consume our experiences like we would any other object.” We believe that chasing experiences instead of material things will bring us a deeper sense of emotional fulfillment. But once the initial excitement of an experience subsides, the moment ends up being stashed away in our minds, and it’s on to the next shiny new experience that captures our attention. And the cycle continues.

https://forge.medium.com/why-buy-experiences-not-things-is-bad-advice-ba59d6bede7b

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Published on May 26, 2022 04:41

May 9, 2022

Mother’s Day and Social Media Hullabaloo

Disclaimer: This post specifically talks about moms who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Do not confuse it with regular moms who make mistakes once in a while. NPD moms are a different category. Unfortunately, many have suffered at the hands of NPD parents, spouses, siblings, bosses, and friends.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Thankfully, I am on a social media detox so could spare myself from all the hullabaloo that goes on surrounding mother’s day. Nevertheless, one post on my Whatsapp status caught my attention. One of my dear friends has a narcissistic mother. She was abused by her mom a lot. She wrote that not all moms deserved to be worshipped. Her post was thought-provoking.

These days, I am researching a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (thanks to a couple of narcissists in my life). I have found that unlike popular belief not all moms are sacrificial goddesses. Some moms suffer from Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). I have seen my share of NPD moms who have ruined the lives of their kids. However, our popular culture doesn’t allow us to speak ill about our moms. Popular culture “gaslight” us and keep enforcing that a mom can never be bad. Even though research suggests otherwise. If all mothers are good then why do psychologists get to hear so many horror stories about childhood abuse? I think it is time people come out of the “closet” and speak about the trauma, abuse, or torture they have faced at the hands of their moms.

I am no expert on human relationships but I observe. And, I have seen BAD MOTHERS.

Would you call a mom who aborts her female child a good mom? would you call a mom who feeds her male child more than her female child a good mom? would you call a mom who forces her daughter into flesh trade a good mom? These moms may be extreme but there are numerous moms whose abuse is more subtle.

Social media has made it compulsory to post an ode to your mom on Mother’s day. Everyone is writing a long post telling the world how loving and sweet their mom is. But not everyone has good memories of their mom. These posts can trigger them. I lost my mom 24 years back and these posts make me miss my mom. I have a friend whose mom died 40 minutes after giving birth to her. She grew up motherless. I am sure this day makes her feel somewhat odd. My friend’s sister lost her 22-year-old two years back. This day must be making her feel miserable. There are many women trying desperately to have a baby through IVF. This day is not pleasant for them either. Thankfully, many people are sensitive and inclusive.

I am deviating from the main topic. The question is can a mom be a bad mom? YES. So many people around the world grow up with childhood trauma. Children raised by narcissistic and toxic moms grow up in self-denial. They develop low self-esteem and blame themselves for whatever goes wrong. Many of these children are not able to have healthy relationships. Some examples of toxic NPD moms are as follows.

The Flamboyant Mother: There is no harm in being flamboyant and extrovert. But kids often feel neglected. The mother is always busy being the center of attention. They are not even willing to share the stage with anybody. The mom keeps fishing for compliments and gets jealous if the child becomes more popular. They want the child to be like a showpiece who is good but not enough to steal the show.

Accomplishment Oriented: Most Asian parents probably fall in this category. The mother’s love is conditional. Only if you accomplish something she will show love. If you fail then she wouldn’t accept you. The mother will always favor the child that is successful and neglect the one that is relatively less successful. I have seen in my life many mothers who prefer their richer kids over their relatively moderate earning kids. These moms only want trophy kids.

The Psychosomatic: This mother will use illness to manipulate her kids. The way to get attention from this kind of mother is to take care of her. This kind of mother uses illness to escape from her own feelings or from having to deal with difficulties in life. You cannot be sicker than she. She will up the ante. I grew up with a mom who was sick forever. She had a chronic condition (she was genuinely sick and not faking). Trust me it is not easy to grow with a mom who is always sick. It robs your childhood. Imagine living with a mom who fakes her illness.

The Gaslighter: These moms will never appreciate you. They will always find fault in you and make you feel inadequate. They will compare you to themselves or other kids and make your achievements null. They will not accept you as the person you are. They will never acknowledge your emotions and feelings. If you are sad they will say that it is nothing.

Physically Abusive: Some moms are great at passing their burden on to their kids. If they are stressed they will use the kids as a punching bag. They get physically violent for the smallest reason. They love to terrorize their offspring. They are capable of giving harsh punishment. The kid grows forever traumatized.

Helicopter Moms: They are controlling. Try to control every aspect of their child’s life. These moms interfere in the married life of their kids also.

Victim Mom: The mom who always plays the victim. She will keep telling her kids how much sacrifice she has made to bring them up. Their sob story never ends. They make the child feel guilty. They play the victim as a form of manipulation.

If you can relate to any of the moms then it is perfectly fine not to feel good after seeing posts on social media about loving moms. It is okay to accept that not all moms are the epitome of virtue, kindness, and love. Some moms are manipulative.

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Published on May 09, 2022 05:51

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