Sundi Jo Graham's Blog, page 36

How to Successfully Be a Jerk

We’ve all been a jerk at one time or another in our lives. Ok – all except me.

Kidding. I’ve been the queen of jerks, for sure.

What is a jerk? 

The definition of jerk is a contemptibly obnoxious person. Yes.. I had to look up the word “contemptibly.”

If I may use a definition that doesn’t require a dictionary, I say a jerk is simply someone you can’t stand being around for longer than five minutes at a time. And truth is, we all have them in our lives.

There’s always that one person we dread being around every time his/her name is mentioned, because we know what a jerk they are. Again, I’ve been that jerk.

How do you become a jerk? 

Instead of telling you what not to do, I thought I’d share some tips on how you can sucessfully be a jerk and guarantee yourself a spot on the “no one wants to be around me” throne.

Constantly interrupt others when they’re talking. Everything you have to say is obviously more important than anyone else. You can pretend like you want to hear them, but we all know you don’t. So, simply wait for the right moment and draw the conversation back to you in the middle of someone’s else’s story.

Prove you are always right. I asked some friends to chime in on this discussion, and I couldn’t have said it better myself. 

a jerk is sure they are right and more right than you and you should be wrong if it makes feeling right feel more right to them.

Say that three times fast.

Lead your employees and colleagues with an iron fist. Don’t encourage them or tell them the good things they have done. Instead, mock them and degrade them in front of others to make sure you get your point across. Call them names when they make a mistake and do it loud enough for the rest of the office to hear.

This doesn’t make you a leader. It makes you a bad manager of those appointed to you.

Believe you are the center of the universe and everything revolves around you. Wait. Isn’t this the same thing as the first point? Maybe, but allow me to elaborate a little. To be a successful jerk, you must not only interrupt everyone else’s conversations to bring the attention back to you, but you must communicate this message to everyone.

Whether you’re on the phone, sending an email, or waiting in line to grab your to-go order that you happen to be 10 minutes early for but swear is late, you want everyone in the room to know that you are the VIP. Remember to speak louder than usual so everyone in the back can hear you.

Be holier than thou. This is where you pray with others around you. Again, make sure you’re loud enough for everyone to hear. After you ask God to bless the food and lift up the ones you love to be “safe, healthy, and prosperous,” all in Jesus’s name, you then repeat steps one through four to ensure you get the “biggest jerk” award.

To add a flare of drama to it, read through the book of Proverbs out loud, emphasizing the sin of pride. Then refuse to back down from a situation because you want to be right.

Don’t be a jerk. It’s really unattractive. It certainly doesn’t make people want to be around you, nor does it cause others to desire a relationship with the Jesus you talk about.

What did I miss? What other ways will ensure you are a successful jerk? Leave a comment below… 

 

How to Aggressively Approach Life

Are we really called to be aggressive in our lives? Absolutely!

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I don’t mean the aggressive, “Get out of my way or else” type. I mean actively and passionately pursuing life. Confronting life head on.

Let’s face it – life is not easy and confrontation is necessary.

So, what does this aggression look like? 

Joyce Meyer says in her book, Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits, it starts with your inner attitude.

If we have a quiet, confident inner attitude, we will never have any problem doing what we need to do. Confidence is not a feeling that we must work up and then go out into the world and move fast, talk loud, and often be obnoxious. It is a quiet and beautiful thing that begins in the heart and stands firm in its conviction that we are not alone and we are able. The attitude of the confident person is filled with cans, not cant’s. It is firm, steadfast, and strong in the Lord.

Need I say more?

Ok – maybe a little more. 

Just a friendly reminder that we cannot have this confidence without being in God’s Word and continuously praying. But let’s remember that we are God’s children and we can approach Him with bold confidence. Confidence in what we are asking, and that He will provide.

Let’s refuse to live without confidence one more day. Let’s aggressively live in our God-given confidence and aggressively approach life together.

What’s one step you can take today to live more confidently? Leave a comment below… 

Six Blogs You Don’t Want to Miss

There are some amazing people I’ve had the opportunity of connecting with in the blogosphere.

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Almost every morning, I log into feedly and read posts from some of my favorite bloggers, whether it’s on Christianity, marketing, or leadership. I get filled with knowledge and inspiration. I’ve actually been gone for the last four days and have a lot of catch up reading to do.

Without further ado, I want to share some of my favorite blogs with you.

Mary DeMuth - An author, speaker, and amazing woman of God, Mary inspires me almost on a daily basis. Her theme is living a life uncaged. An overcomer of sexual abuse, she uses her past to offer hope to others. Her latest book, The Wall Around Your Heart, is changing lives already. Learn more about Mary here and be sure to subscribe to her blog.

Single Roots - I love this blog and the content provided. My friend Jessica Bufkin is the genius behind the blog, but it also features guest writers. I’ve been blessed to have guest posted there a few times. If you are single, the blog allows you to connect with other singles, as well as realize you’re not the only single one out there seeking answers to life. They even provide reviews on some of the top dating websites. Check out the blog here.

Prayerfully Speaking - This is the blog of my personal friend and mentor, Jennifer White. I’m pretty partial to her and the blog, but even if I wasn’t, it’s an amazing resource for prayer. She covers various topics and life issues with prayer, and she wants to pray with you and for you. Trust me – she’s a good prayer warrior to have on your side. She has a new book coming out for new brides I’m super excited about. Check out the book and more about Jennifer here.

Ken Davis - I look forward to the day I get to shake this man’s hand. Not only does he make me life, he can make me cry, too. He has a ginormous servant’s heart and has the amazing talent of providing you comic relief. He’s a great leadership guy and I am always moved by his posts. He’s a dynamic communicator and I’m sure you’ll love his blog just as much as I do.

Michael Hyatt – So much of what I have learned in the last three years about leadership and social media came from Michael Hyatt. It’s because of his knowledge of book publishing and book proposal submission that I received a book deal. Whether you seek to learn more about building your platform, being a better leader, or being more productive with your time, Hyatt is extremely informative in all he writes about. He doesn’t just write about it – he lives it.

Jeff Goins  – He blogs at goinswriter.com about making things happen. Whether it’s writing or pursuing a dream, his words are always inspiring. I’ve been privileged to be on the inside of watching him publish two best-selling books. What a journey! A humble man with a serving heart, you too will be inspired by his words. Don’t miss his blog here.

What are some of your favorite blogs? I want to hear. Share them in the comments below… 

The Wall Around Your Heart

I’m excited to tell you about this brand new book that just released today! I had the honor of serving on the launch team for Mary DeMuth and I wholeheartedly believe in the messages she writes.

Have you ever sat down and went through the Lord’s Prayer step by step? I certainly hadn’t at the level Mary recently taught us to.

In her new book, The Wall Around Your Heart: How Jesus Heals You When Others Hurt You, DeMuth takes you through this prayer, the emotions, the heartache, the bitterness, and ultimately, the forgiveness.

We’ve all been in that moment in our lives, most certainly more than once, where our anger and hurt have kept us from being open to the healing of Jesus, therefore, building a wall, or a fortress for some, around our hearts. I know mine was certainly a fortress.

What if we begin with Jesus? 

What if we decided today to break down the walls, whether it’s brick by brick or with a bulldozer?

Asking yourself Who is Jesus? - and being truthful in your answer – is the most important question you’ll ever ask. Why? Because how we frame our answer determines how much we allow Him into our pain, whether past or present.

It hurts. It’s scary. I get it. But it’s worth it.

Honestly, what do we have to lose by letting Jesus in to heal the pain vs. trying to do it ourselves?

I remember being eight years old, standing on the playground with a teacher who forced me to run laps because I was “too fat.” I looked up at her and with a few choice words, said, “No more!” It was great that I finally stood up for myself that day, but something else happened. Something not so great. I started building a fortress around my heart.

I encourage you to continue reading my review and learning more about this powerful book over at Open Hearted Power. I pray it blesses you.

Click here to read the rest of the story. 

A Prayer for our Government

Since the government decided to shut down this week, my Facebook news feed has been blowing up with comments.

photo credit: hamilton city schools

I’ve heard how rotten our government is. America is a disgrace. Our leaders should get a grasp on what it feels like to starve. I’ve seen comments displayed full of soul language and hate.

And all these are just the ones I’ve read from “Christians”. 

I don’t say this to shame anyone. I’m just as guilty.

But what if we stopped complaining and using Facebook as a pedestal to complain about our nation and actually starting praying for it? 

Below is a prayer taken straight from the book, Prayers that Avail Much by Germaine Copeland. Let’s pray it together, shall we?

Father, in Jesus’ name, we give thanks for the United States and its government. WE hold up in prayer before You the men and women who are in positions of authority. We pray and intercede for the president, the representatives, the senators, the judges of our land, the policemen and the policewomen, as well as the governors and mayors, and for all those who are in authority over us in any way. We pray that the Spirit of the Lord rests upon them. 

We believe that skillful and godly wisdom has entered into the heart of our president and knowledge is pleasant to him. Discretion watches over him; understanding keeps him and delivers him from the way of evil and from evil men. 

Father, we ask that You compass the president about with men and women who make their hearts and ears attentive to godly counsel and do that which is right in Your sight. We believe You cause them to be men and women of integrity who are obedient concerning us that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. We pray that the upright shall dwell in our government – that men and women blameless and complete in Your sight, Father, shall remain in these positions of authority, but the wicked shall be cut off from our government and the treacherous shall be rooted out of it. 

Your Word declares that “blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord” (Ps. 33:12). We receive Your blessing. Father; You are our Refuge and Stronghold in times of trouble (high cost, destitution, and desperation). So we declare with our mouths that Your people dwell safely in this land, and we prosper abundantly. We are more than conquerors through Christ Jesus!

It is written in Your Word that the heart of the king is in the hand of the Lord and that You turn it whichever way You desire. We believe the heart of our leader is in Your hand and that his decisions are divinely directed of the Lord. 

We give thanks unto You that the good news of the Gospel is published in our land. The Word of the Lord prevails and grows mightily in the hearts and lives of the people. We give thanks for this land and the leaders You have given to us, in Jesus’ name. 

Jesus is Lord over the United States. Amen.

Scripture References

1 Timothy 2:1-3

Proverbs 2:10-12, 21, 22

Psalm 33:12

Psalm 9:9

Deuteronomy 28:10,11

Romans 8:37 AMP

Proverbs 21:1

Acts 12:24

A Life Changing Announcement for You!

Hi friends!

As I write this to you, I’m a nervous wreck, to be honest. I’m about to make one of the BIGGEST announcements I’ve ever made.

In August 2009, I entered through the doors of the Table Rock Freedom Center, a residential discipleship program for women with life controlling issues. I was at the bottom of myself. I hated life and myself. I was convinced God had abandoned me; just like everyone else in my life, and there was nothing left to live for. It turns out I was the one who left Him.

For one year I lived with former prostitutes, drug addicts, drug dealers, and alcoholics. That’s how the world saw them anyway. To me, however, they were my sisters, my friends. They were broken, just like me, looking for redemption and healing.

During the course of that year, I dug into my past until the shovel couldn’t move anymore, dealing with the pain of sexual abuse, rape, abandonment issues, low self-esteem, and more. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

On August 14, 2010, I completed the most intense, rewarding year of my life. I stood on a stage surrounded by family, friends and supporters, where I finally had an understanding of freedom and God’s love. There was no way I was letting go of it this time.

During my yearlong stay, God revealed to me I would someday have my own ministry and be a teacher. I held onto those words, even though I didn’t understand what they meant. Then in the Fall of 2012, He brought that prophecy to life.

I watched the doors of the Table Rock Freedom Center close, a ministry that God used to change my life. I was devastated. God soon let me know that though those doors were closing, He would use me to open new ones.

Several months ago I sat at the funeral of a former student who never grasped the understanding of God’s love for her, sadly taking her own life. There, God showed me the broken need a place to go and I would be the one to help provide that place.

Today, I am following His calling as He prepares Esther’s House of Redemption to offer hope to the broken and provide a safe place for women to be fully restored from the inside out. It’s a journey I never expected to be walking on, but am fully willing to take, if it changes only one life the way mine was.

So, with that said… 

I introduce you to Esther’s House of Redemption. Since the inception of this ministry only a few months ago, God has rocked my world with His provisions, already providing us a home that will house up to eight women, as well as a wonderful board of directors.

Feel free to check out our website and learn more about what we intend to do at Esther’s House. Learn who we are and what our mission is about. Get a breakdown ofthe program structure, and find answers to frequently asked questions.

Over the next few months, we will furnish the ready-to-move-into home, hire appropriate staff, and start taking applications for women.

This is where you come in. 

First of all, I seek your prayers more than anything. This ministry cannot operate without prayer.

Secondly, I would be honored if you would consider being a partner with Esther’s House. The ministry will operate on donations only, and we can’t do it without you. If you would like to become a partner, or even make a one-time donation, investing in the lives of broken women seeking redemption, here’ s how:

To give by mail:  Please make checks payable to Esther’s House and mail to: Esther’s House,  P.O. Box 1438, Hollister, MO 65673.
To give by phone:  Please call 417.449.5122.
To give online: Click here to donate.

Please note that all donations are pending tax exempt status until further notice. 

I’m still trying to absorb the fact that God has called me to lead this mission. There are days I question His choice, but He always returns with reassurance that I am walking in the right direction. I am reminded of the broken, weak vessels He used to lead His missions in the Bible. Noah, Abraham, Moses, and let’s not forget King David.

I am honored to be His vessel and thank you again for your prayers as I step foot into this new season of life.

Have a great week, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to add you to the email newsletter list for Esther’s House. If you don’t wish to subscribe, simply remove your name from the list when you get your first email.Thank you for your support, and again, if you’d like to become a partner with us, you can do so here. (http://ehor.org/donate-now/)

Please Stop Saying These Words

I hear them all the time. Often, they come from the best meaning Christians who have hearts the size of Texas.

However, I think they do more harm than good.

Hate the sin. Love the sinner.

I’m guilty, too. I’ve been there and said them as well.

But then I realized they were pushing people away from me – not bringing them closer. I had to ask myself what I would think if someone walked up to me while I was living in my own sin and said,

I hate the sin you’re commiting but I love you.

You know what most of us hear from that statement?

I hate you… 

Does this mean we should be allowed to sin without being confronted by those who love us? No. Not saying that. I am saying, however, perhaps we should approach it in a different way, especially when it comes to those who aren’t believers.

I think this picture sums it up well, don’t you?

Is Alcoholism a Disease?

A guy in my small group asked me this question last night.

Is alcoholism a disease?

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I honestly thought I would have a quick answer with a great explanation to fire back at him, but I had to sit and soak in the question for a moment. I’m still marinating in it, actually.

He asked me the question because he knows I come from a family filled with a past involving alcohol.

My father. His father. His grandfather. His siblings.

Alcohol has labeled one side of my family for decades. 

I won’t pretend to know everything about alcoholism. But I will give you my opinion on it, and back it up scripturally.

When a person, whether Christian or not, battles an addiction to alcohol, or any addiction for that matter, they usually label themselves an alcoholic. They tend to stick with that label throughout the course of their lives.

But, I can’t agree with that, especially when Jesus comes into the picture.

You see, Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that we are a new creation in Christ Jesus. He goes on to say,

The old has gone, the new is here!

So, that tells me that labeling ourselves with our struggle with addiction doesn’t line up with God’s Word.

Allow me to use food as an example. 

I’ve struggled with using food as a coping mechanism all of my life. Though I’ve given my life to Christ, that struggle is still very real.

There are days I find myself running to it because I don’t want to deal with my emotions. There are moments I use overeating as an excuse to escape reality.

That does not, however, mean I will label myself as a food addict or call it a disease. 

For me, I would call it an issue with my heart. It means something deeper is happening, and it’s causing me to make an immoral decision to turn to food rather than turn to God, who is the true source of my strength.

Proverbs 23:20-21 tells me in those moments that I am a glutton. I would believe that to be true. I’m not thinking about myself in that moment. I’m thinking about feeding my own desires.

I still don’t have a clear answer on whether or not alcholism is a disease, but I will say this:

I believe alcholism is a generational curse. 

The Bible says that God visits the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Him, but shows mercy to thousands, to those who love Him and keep His commandments.

We live in a world where evil is prevalent. It’s overpowering. Satan is the prince of this world and darkness is his favorite color.

Why would he not try to destroy our lives with things such as alcohol, drugs, food, sex, pornography, etc?

We can’t focus on our addiction and believe we are a new creation in Christ at the same time.

It doesn’t work that way. It’s up to us to break that curse.

I am breaking the curse of sexual abuse in my family by sharing my redemption with the world. The stronghold of that shame no longer controls me and because of that decision generations behind me, and after, will be changed.

Not because of my own doing, but because of the power of God and Him using me as His tool.

He wants to use you, too.

I encourage you to stop labeling yourself with an addiction.

You are not an alcoholic. You are not a pornography addict. You are not a drug addict.

If you know Jesus Christ, then you are a new creation, and it’s time to step up and claim that title, not a title the world gives you! Allow God to use you right where you are, in the midst of your struggles.

What are your thoughts? Is alcoholism a disease? I’d really love to hear from you in the comments below…

Defining Grace

We all have different battles. We have different sins. But when you really think about it, our hearts are alike. We all have one thing in common: the need for Jesus Christ and his grace.

One way Webster’s Dictionary defines grace is unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. Allow me to define that for you in the redneck version.

Grace is God favoring us when we don’t deserve it. 

I’m reminding myself of this as I write. I don’t deserve an ounce of God’s grace. I have done so many detestable things in my life, I’m surprised He didn’t wipe me out a long time ago. I’ve stolen. I’ve lied. I’ve been drunk. I drove drunk. I’ve had premarital sex with multiple men. I’ve done drugs. I dishonored my parents. I’ve used God’s name in vein. I’ve watched pornography. I’ve overeaten more times in my life that I care to admit. The list goes on.

Oh yeah, and I’ve been in a relationship with another woman.

I’ve got a wrap sheet a thousand miles long, and yet that one  word, grace, still washes over me. It’s mine to take – a gift from God.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. – Ephesians 2:8-9

Paul, the writer of Ephesians, and a man whose mission was once to destroy the name of God, wrote these powerful words. Paul may never have dishonored his parents, slept with another man, or smoked pot in his van before school in the mornings, but he did murder multiple Christians. His actions deserved death, yet what happened?

Jesus Christ met him on a dirt road, knocked him off his horse, and gave him the best gift any of use could ever receive, grace. 

So, if grace was given to Paul, me, and your grandma Estelle (I don’t know anyone who has a grandmother named Estelle, but I loved the Golden Girls, so it just made sense to go with that), then isn’t this gift available to everyone who pursues a relationship with Jesus?

 I’d love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment below… 

My Distorted View of Sex

My dad couldn’t work his way around a computer and honestly, I didn’t have the patience to teach him. So, I was surprised to open it up one day, only to find the remnants of images of naked women posing for the man behind the camera.

photo credit: shutterstock

My stomach dropped. My heart sank. Disgust overwhelmed me. Memories filled my mind, again. Memories I convinced myself I had blocked.

How could my father look at this trashy stuff? How could he use what belonged to me to entertain himself with such filth? In that moment, I so desperately wished I wasn’t related to him. There was an instant in my heart I desired to never know who my father was.

However, the truth, or what I saw as the truth, hit me like a ton of bricks.

I was just like my father. 

His shameful secret had been mine, too. A secret I had only told to one other person, and I hadn’t revealed the complete truth to her thanks to the defeating lies of shame and condemnation. As years have passed, I have opened the door to those secrets with safe people in my life.

Those pictures were all too familiar. The images of strange faces doing things with their bodies that became ordinary to me. I remember shame hitting me again, as I judged him with every ounce of my being for being a disgusting pervert.

But I was no different. I just didn’t get caught. 

Pornography had controlled my life since I was a little girl. I once thought it normal, until 2006, when I promised God I would never look at it again.

I ask myself why I’m writing this, but something in me says it needs to be done. I just sprung out of bed with this memory. Perhaps I’m writing for my own benefit, or God has plans to heal someone else with it. I fear being vulnerable with you about my past, but God is bigger.

I’m realizing as I write this, that this part of my past is still causing fear for my future, especially in the way I view marriage and sex.

My view of sex is skewed. 

My mind convinces me it’s dirty and it will always be that way.

My fears remind me that I will never be a good wife, because I won’t be physically available to my husband the way a wife needs to be. I fear I won’t understand romance or safety with him.

I’m afraid of what those images that seem to be branded into my mind will cause my husband to think of me. I convince myself for this reason that I’m destined to be single. Unlovable. Untouchable.

I buy into the myth that I will never truly understand a healthy sexual relationship and no man deserves to enter into a marriage with me, because our lives will be filled with fear on my end and frustration on his.

I cringe at what Satan has tried to steal from me. 

He used boys to steal my innocence as a child. He used a “friend” to put the word rape into action in my life. He used pornography at the age of six years old to distort my view of healthy sexual intimacy.

I want to fight. I do. I pray in this moment and ask God to show me. I thank Him for revealing this issue to me at a deeper level. I pray for a husband who will show me grace. I know I may need more of it than the average wife.

I want to believe. I do believe. I want to. I try. I will believe.

Will you join me?