Pam Laricchia's Blog, page 41

EU021: Q&A Round Table

Anne Ohman and Anna Brown, both veteran unschooling parents, join me to answer listener questions.

Click here to submit your own question for the Q&A Round Table episodes!

Quote of the Week

“How could youth better learn to live than by at once trying the experiment of living?” ~ Henry David Thoreau

Summary of Listener Questions

1. My daughter is 12 and in year 7 of high school. She is coming along nicely with her work, but is finding it hard to understand the social side of things as she is autistic. On top of this she is being bullied. We have been in school with this, but if it doesn’t stop I’m considering a school change or even home schooling. I am a little apprehensive about this for many reasons, but the main one is what will be best for her. I have a million questions and don’t know who to talk to about it. Has anybody been in a similar situation? Is there any help for me in making sure my daughter receives the education she needs? I don’t want to let her down and she be behind.

2. My concerns are around my daughter (she is 3), she goes straight to the computer when she wakes up and starts surfing ‘youtube’, I can see she enjoys the different types of storytelling she finds but I often wonder if she will be constantly interested in youtube as there is SO many interesting things that get suggested to her. She doesn’t seem to initiate getting off the computer unless she has no choice, i.e I need it for work, which is rare. When she is not on the computer she loves all types of play and spending time outside but she doesn’t initiate any of these activities once she has started on the computer. I offer myself and games I know she enjoys but she rarely takes me up on it. I also sit with her and watch when I can get a chance. So how do I work out if this is a genuine interest, or is she going there by default and getting stuck there, or is this a reaction to my previous views and controlling of screentime? I guess I want to know how I can tell if my environment is engaging enough/offering her enough choices and how other people go about setting up their home environment.

3. Could you address unschooling and depression. In my case, specifically maternal depression, which I try to embrace as it’s likely my kids will have to slog through challenges of being a human living in modern society while also on spinning planet earth, and I believe it is helpful for us to be real with each other, and to acknowledge the work it takes to truly pursue happiness.

However, there are times that my depression is sufficiently debilitating and my unschooling begins to border on neglect, though I fiercely work to prevent this and assure their surTHRIVEal. I am hopeful there are other parents who, with their sage perspective and years of experience, could reflect on this topic, and ideally reassure me that, as usual, everything WILL be alright!

4. My family has been unschooling for 2 years, and we’ve been saying “yes” more and more, whenever we can. Yes to getting messy, yes to staying up, yes to ice cream! So far, it has just been little things (like food or stuffed animals or going to the park) that the girls (5 and 7) have asked for. I love how close I am with my kids when they know that I am on their side and will help them with their goals.

Today my partner asked me: what is a good way to answer the children if they ever ask us to buy them expensive things? As the girls’ world grows I’m sure one day they will. My partner comes from a well-off family, so something a bit more expensive would be within our means. Our family has always lived a pretty simple lifestyle (my spouse and I like it this way), but it doesn’t seem right to keep any part of reality, including our financial situation, a secret from children who are learning about the world.

Knowing my children, they wouldn’t feel good about an explanation like “I’m trying to teach you the meaning of money” or “I don’t want you to grow up to be spoiled” if they ask me for expensive toys. We love the relationship with our girls unschooling has given us, and we want them to know we are there for them! But we want them to grow up grounded about money. What can we say?

5. I am an unschooling mom of three kids. I was inspired by Pam Sorooshian’s discussion of tv and screen time. It is a topic I’m very interested in and have wrestled with a lot. After absorbing the ideas in that episode, I made some changes that have had a very positive effect! Specifically, I’ve joined my kids in what they were watching and started to get into it and excited about it with them, appreciating how it made them laugh or was interesting to them. My children are young: 7, 5, and 3. My question is—how does the “no limits on screen time” idea work with very young children. Did any of you veteran unschoolers do this from birth on, or is there an age when it seemed more appropriate to allow free rein on this particular issue?

6. I am the mother of a daughter, 8 years old. I’m now pregnant with my second, and there’s a chance the baby will be born with Down Syndrome. I am worried sick, and some information may help me. Is it possible to unschool a child with a developmental disability? The information I have been reading recommends lots of therapy, and dietary control since children with Down Syndrome are prone to obesity. After seeing my daughter flourish with unschooling, I’d love to give the same to this future child.

Links to things mentioned in the show

Anne’s essay: I Am What I Am

Pam’s free book: Exploring Unschooling

Pam’s book: Free to Learn: Five Ideas for a Joyful Unschooling Life

Getting started: Unschooling Doesn’t Look Like School at All and What to Do Instead of School, Part 1 and Part 2

Pam’s blog post: Digging into Mainstream Mantras: “Learn to Say No or You’ll Spoil Your Child”

 

 

EU020: Unschooling as Alternative Education with Carlo Ricci

Dr. Carlo Ricci is a graduate studies professor in the Schulich School of Education at Nipissing University in Ontario Canada and dad to two daughters, ages 11 and 13, who have both unschooled and chosen to go to school over the years. His research focus and teaching includes unschooling, self-directed learning, reading, free schooling, and democratic education. He founded and edits the Journal of Unschooling and Alternative Learning, is the author of The Willed Curriculum, Unschooling, and Self-Direction: What Do Love, Trust, Respect, Care, and Compassion Have To Do With Learning, and co-edited both The Legacy of John Holt and Natural Born Learners.

In this episode, Carlo shares his perspective on learning to read naturally, how he approaches his daughters choosing to go to school, some of the differences between unschooling and democratic schools, how he would re-envision childhood in our society, and much more.

It’s a fun ride!

Quote of the Week

“A number of parents, perhaps half a dozen or so, have written to me to say that one or more of their children have chosen to go back to school. They sound a little apologetic about this, as if they thought they had betrayed “the cause.” But there is nothing at all to feel apologetic about. In the first place, unschooling is not a “cause.” Our interest is not in causes but in children and their growth, their learning, and their happiness.” ~ John Holt

Questions for Carlo

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. How did you discover unschooling?

3. A few years ago you spoke at the Toronto Unschooling Conference about learning to read naturally. Can you share some of your thoughts behind how people learn to read on their own, at different ages?

4. One of the phrases I’ve heard you use regularly over the years is, “children are capable.” I love how it so concisely conveys the idea that children aren’t blank slates that need to be taught everything, but are born curious, creative, and able to learn. Can you talk about the inspiration behind it?

5. One of the unexpected but wonderful things about unschooling’s wider perspective on lifelong learning is how often we learn from our children. Can you share a couple of things you’ve learned over the years from your children?

6. What has your daughter’s choice to go to school looked like? How do you continue to bring your unschooling perspective on living and learning into your days with school in the mix?

7. Over the years I’ve seen democratic schools described as “unschooling schools” any number of times, yet I think there are some distinct differences between the two environments. What are some of the differences you see?

8. You’re the editor of the Journal of Unschooling and Alternative Learning, published through Nipissing University, which is coming up on its ten-year anniversary! Congratulations! Through it, you publish a wide range of peer-reviewed articles from around the world. What’s been your favourite part of that experience? What kind of feedback do you receive from readers?

9. If you had a magic wand, how would you re-envision childhood in our society?

Links for More Info

Carlo is the founder and editor of the Journal for Unschooling and Alternative Learning

Here’s my paper, from the first issue of JUAL: Unschooling Passions

Carlo’s talks from the Toronto Unschooling Conference can be found here: TUC Talks (scroll down to his name and you’ll find his three talks)

 

 

EU019: Playing with Our Children with Jody Lilley

Jody Lilley is an unschooling mom to three children, ages five to eleven. I’ve known Jody for years through unschooling conferences, and I reached out to her to chat about play because the pictures she posts online of her children at play always make me smile so big. It’s not so much that they’re busy doing lots of things, but that she captures such joy and engagement in her children even in the ordinary moments, like colouring, or playing with their toys.

In this episode, Jody shares stories about her chocolate epiphany, what she learned from a creative car enthusiast, and whittling by a winter campfire. We also chat about the creative ways she uses space in her home, the motivation behind her wonderful pictures of her children at play, and some of the ways she enjoys playing with her children.

Quote of the Week

“Fun is easy. It’s wherever you are, in whatever you are doing or sensing or thinking. It’s between you and the person you’re with or the machine you’re using or the table you’re sitting at or the path you’re walking down. It’s not something to strive for. But something to melt into, to sink into, to open up to. Fun isn’t the hard thing. The hard thing is letting yourself have it …” ~ Bernie De Kovan

Questions for Jody

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. How did you discover unschooling? What did your family’s move to unschooling look like?

3. There are two aspects of play I’d like to touch on: there’s the value of play itself and how we can support that, and there’s the value of parents engaging and connecting with our children through playing together. First, let’s focus on supporting our children’s play. As we come to unschooling, we know that play is fun, but we discover that so much real, deep learning is wrapped up in there as well. Was the connection between play and learning something you got instinctively? Or was it something you figured out as you as part of your unschooling journey?

4. I had so much fun looking through your pictures on Facebook of your kids at play as I prepared for the interview! How have you set up your home to support your children’s play?

5. I noticed that sometimes you guys also go out to play. I saw pictures from a trip to a ski hill, indoor skydiving, tobogganing, and a winter campfire. Are all of your children usually up for going out? Or do you guys usually have some back and forth conversations to come up with a plan around the outing that works for everyone?

6. I think a part of the journey is taking the time to notice our children’s fun, rather than just thinking, almost dismissively, “the kids are playing” and going about our own business. You have so many great pictures of your kids having fun and playing around the house, from tie-dying t-shirts to drawing to ribbon battles to building a computer to making candy, and the other day a stuffed puppy mud bath! Do you find that taking pictures helps you notice these joyful moments? Does taking note of them help you feel more comfortable about unschooling?

7. Now let’s shift to the value of us parents engaging and connecting WITH our children through play. Can you share some of the ways that you play with your children?

8. Many of us learned growing up that rules are hard and fast and changing them is tantamount to cheating. So changing the rules can be something that makes us uncomfortable. Yet changing the rules until everybody who wants to play can play is a great way not only to engage with our kids, but to learn even more about what makes them tick. It’s something children seem to do instinctively when they don’t have a history of fixed and unbending rules—I remember being amazed at the inventive ways my kids morphed games. This was a big paradigm shift for me that really helped me more easily play with them—it really isn’t about the rules. Everything opened up from there. Have you seen your children playing around with the rules?

9. And finally, do you have any tips for parents about ways to get more comfortable playing with their children?

Links for more info

Bernie De Kovan’s wonderful website, A Playful Path, and his free ebook.

EU018: Ten Questions with Jennifer McGrail

Jennifer McGrail is a long-time unschooling mom to four lovely children, blogger at The Path Less Taken, and host of the Free to Be unschooling conference. This week I had a wonderful conversation with her, touching on the topics of burnout and self-care, the disconnect between how adults treat other adults and how they treat children, the concept of natural consequences, hosting the Free to Be unschooling conference, and more!

Quote of the Week

“Start with love and respect and all the good things follow—it is not magic, and it is a lot of hard work, especially at the beginning.” ~ Marina DeLuca-Howard

Ten Questions for Jennifer

1. Can you share with us a bit about you and your family, and how you came to unschooling?

2. I’d love to hear more about your unschooling kids. What are they interested in right now? How are they pursuing it? How did that interest come about?

3. What has been one of the more challenging aspects of your unschooling journey so far?

4. You’re well-known for taking on parenting stories that are making the rounds on social media and sharing a wonderfully fresh view of the situation through the lens of unschooling and gentle parenting.

You recently wrote a blog post titled, “I’m Not the Meanest Mom,” in reaction to a Facebook post making the rounds from a self-proclaimed “meanest mom” in which the mom shared that when her children didn’t say thank you to the server for their ice cream cones, she threw them away. Your list of what children are actually learning in these kinds of situations was great! Can you share that with us?

5. On your blog, you mentioned that one of the questions you get a lot is “If I don’t spank, what do I do?” How do you answer that?

6. Another idea that comes up pretty often around parenting without punishment is natural consequences. I think it can be confusing though, because I pretty regularly see examples of parents setting up their kids for “natural” consequences, almost wanting things to go wrong. But if parents have to set them up to fail, that seems rather artificial to me. What’s your perspective?

7. With unschooling, we choose to actively help our children pursue their goals. We’re a team, working together. So when they ask to do things, together we can often find a way to say yes, or some workable version, but sometimes, things just don’t work out. And sometimes things just aren’t under our control. I’d love to talk with you about things we can say to our children when things don’t work out and they are having a hard time.

8. You host the Free to Be unschooling conference in Phoenix, Arizona. Can you share what inspired you to start it?

9. Can you talk about some of the things an unschooling family might get out of attending an unschooling conference? What kind of feedback do you get from attendees?

10. Looking back now, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Jennifer’s website: www.jennifermcgrail.com

Her Facebook page: The Path Less Taken

Her conference: Free to Be

 

EU017: Q&A Round Table

Anna Brown joins me to answer listener questions! Thanks to everyone who has shared their questions, I’m sure many listeners have gotten so much out of it.

Click to submit your own question for the Q&A Round Table episodes!

Quote of the Week

“Knowledge emerges only through invention and re-invention, through the restless, impatient, continuing, hopeful inquiry human beings pursue in the world, with the world, and with each other.” ~ Paulo Freire

Listener Questions

1. We’re radical unschooling with a three-year-old. I found your discussion of family visits to be really helpful (I think episode 4): briefing and debriefing, taking seemingly critical comments and questions playfully, etc. My daughter is prone to meltdowns. Sometimes just because we couldn’t understand what she said or something’s frustrating her she can’t get words out and get really upset and needs to be by herself. It makes it harder with family because these tend to be preceded by a mild loss of control–like screaming at someone that she wants something. And their response is to ask her to say please, but often by that time she’s already frustrated and has a meltdown, and some of my family members will persist in trying to make her say please even when she can’t get words out. I’ve already made a really conscious decision that it’s worth it to visit family, she really loves being with them generally, but how do I reduce this stress? It’s so hard on her. In the moment I can go with her in a quiet room to recover, but I’d like to try to coach family members to prevent these happening in the first place.

2. This is a second question about my 3-year-old. We are radical unschooling in the sense that she makes decisions about food and bedtime and clothes and baths and we give her information about those choices, and try to think of options that work for everyone. One of the last things I’ve been forcing is nail trimming. She’s really scared of it, and when her nails are too long I usually have a kind of stand off where I talk to her about it and won’t do anything else until she lets me trim them. But I’m currently trying out letting this be in her control. The result is that her nails are really long and breaking in a couple places. I don’t think she wants her nails to be long, and I try to talk to her about that, but she tells me she scared to cut them. I’ve tried asking her how to make it less scary but don’t get a response. I’m not really sure what direction to go next!

3. I really enjoyed listening to the podcast episode with Brie Jontry talking about unschooling a child with chronic illness (episode 11). We have been unschooling for three years and I am definitely still deschooling! We don’t have chronic illness in our house, but my 8 year old son as well as myself have chronic tooth decay tendencies which can be kept under control by following a very similar diet to one you would ideally follow with Type 1 Diabetes, minus the insulin. For several years I did tightly control his diet in this way (as I do my own) because we do not have dental insurance and do not have the money to pay for expensive dental work. I’ve recently had conversations with him apologizing for my control, telling him that I respect him, explaining how our food choices really do affect our teeth, and that Mommy and Daddy don’t have the money to pay for more big dental work. I told him that he has the freedom to make his own choices with food now, and asked him to honor what he knows about his body and our finances in his choices. I made sure to add that he’s worth all the money at the dentist, just that I don’t have it! Ha! He is not wanting to honor these things, which makes me believe there is some healing that needs to take place in his heart from the years of being so controlled. He also seems to be angry for the very fact that his body is this way and doesn’t want to accept it. What wisdom would you offer to me about facilitating healing, and shutting down the fear in my own heart as I see him reaching for foods that to me look like dollar signs and credit card debt at the dentist?

4. Can you talk a little about how unschooling with an only child is different from unschooling of siblings?

5. I have a question about evaluations. In our state, we are required to have a yearly evaluation. My concern is that we have been deschooling. I have an 11 yr old and a 13 yr old. The first couple months were challenging to us to let go of the “old model.”  After a few weeks we were able to finally let it go, and my girls have been really enjoying their free time to stay up late, sleep in, watch a lot of tv, and draw. It has been 7 months since we decided to unschool, probably more like 5 if you consider our “sticky” start. We need to have an evaluation in a couple months and I do not know how to prepare for this or what to expect. My kids have been resistant to anything that appears like school work or projects. They watch a lot of TV, and definitely learn a lot from the shows they watch, but I’m just not sure how this transfers into the evaluations.  Do you have any suggestions for us?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Re: evaluations, check out this unschooling “curriculum” and tips on keeping a REQUIRED portfolio, from Sandra Dodd’s website.

Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com

EU016: Supporting Unschooling Teens with Jenny Cyphers

Jenny Cyphers is a long-time unschooling mom of two daughters, ages 14 and 22. After reading her answers to unschooling questions online for years, I was delighted to get a chance to chat with Jenny about the teen years. We talk about trust, rebellion, patience, comfort zones, honesty, communication, and just how much we love our teens and young adults as real people.

Quote of the Week

“Scientific research shows unequivocally that the cognitive abilities of teens are, on average, superior to the cognitive abilities of adults. Reasoning ability peaks in the early or mid teens, for example, and so does intelligence. Most memory functions peak in our early teens, and all of these abilities decline throughout adulthood, some quite dramatically. Research also shows that the ability of teens to make sound decisions about health matters, including abortion, is equal to that of adults. Media reports suggest that teen problems are produced by a faulty “teen brain,” but a close examination of the relevant research does not support the claims. The teen brain is, at best, a reflection of teen problems, not their cause.” ~ Robert Epstein, Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence

Some Questions for Jenny

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. How did you discover unschooling? What did your family’s move to unschooling look like?

3. I think that our results-oriented culture has done teens, and adults, a big disservice. It really minimizes the value of the process. I have a short quote of yours I found on Sandra Dodd’s website that I love, “Sometimes what life really requires is calm and patience. A very valuable thing to learn in life is to how to take care of ourselves and others during times of stress and times that aren’t ideal and wonderful. When there is stress and other negative influences happening around us, it’s even MORE important to take that time to seek out the beauty and the softness and the sweet and light and happy things.” Can you talk a bit more about that?

4. You have a great post on your blog about trusting teens. The conventional perspective on trusting teens is trusting that they will make the “right” choices, with “right” being defined by the parents. And it they don’t it becomes about guilt, shame, and punishment. But from the unschooling perspective, you wrote, “There isn’t an issue at all with discipline when you trust your kids absolutely. When they make choices that you don’t like, it isn’t because they are deliberately disobeying you or trying to make your life as a parent difficult, it’s because they saw that they were making the best choice at the time. Since kids are still learning, they don’t always predict all the outcomes that may arise from their choices, and sometimes they need to pick up pieces of the aftermath, but still, it was the best choice they could make at the time.” I think that’s such an important point, can you dig into that for us?

5. The conventional construct of teen rebellion is interesting. I think it’s a reaction to control. Yet it’s not inevitable, as parenting wisdom seems to suggest, because many unschooling parents have discovered that when we aren’t trying to get our teens to meet our goals for them, and instead spend our effort helping them meet their goals for themselves, the conflict and rebellion piece fades away. It’s not that things are easy breezy because it’s life, and our comfort zones may well need stretching, but we know it’s their life to live and we want to help them do that. What’s your take on teen rebellion?

And then we just kept talking.

Links to things mentioned in the show

Quote of Jenny’s about calm and patience: Moments

Jenny’s blog post: Trusting kids

Jenny’s page on sandradodd.com: Jenny Cyphers

The book Jenny mentioned: Parent/Teen Breakthrough: The Relationship Approach, by Mira Kirshenbaum and Charles Foster

Jenny helps out online here: Radical Unschooling Info Facebook page

 

EU015: From School to Unschooling with Heather Newman

Heather Newman is a long-time unschooling mom. She and her husband have three children, and I really enjoyed speaking with her about our shared experience of bringing our children home after they’d started school, and from there, moving to unschooling. We talk about what their days looked like when the kids first came home, how Heather came to trust the process of unschooling, and how her relationships with her children changed.

Quote of the Week

“How I hated schools, and what a life of anxiety I lived there. I counted the hours to the end of every term, when I should return home.” ~ Winston Churchill

Questions for Heather

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. What did your family’s choice to take your children out of school look like?

3. Did you know about unschooling already, or was it something you discovered once they were home?

4. What kinds of things did you and the kids do those first months?

5. Of your children, Ben was in school the longest—were there any activities he avoided for the first while after he came home?

6. What changes did you see in your children after they’d been home a while? Was there a big adjustment period for them?

7. As you were deschooling, what were some of the ways you enjoyed learning more about unschooling? Did your understanding grow in stages?

8. How did you build trust in the process of unschooling? When did you know it was working well for your family?

9. How did your relationships with your children change over that first year?

10. As deschooling shifted into unschooling, did you find any unexpected benefits with the lifestyle? Things you didn’t anticipate, but turned out to be wonderful?

11. What does life look like for you guys now?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Heather’s Facebook Page: Heather Newman Art

Heather’s Etsy Shop: Heather Newman Art Shop

 

EU014: Ten Questions with Joyce Fetteroll

Joyce is a long-time unschooling mom, and creator of the wonderful unschooling website, joyfullyrejoycing.com. She has been answering unschooling questions online for many years, in fact, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t looking forward to reading her responses!

Quote of the Week

“Radical unschooling is about understanding human needs and getting to know each child’s particular needs and how that child needs those needs met.” ~ Joyce Fetteroll

Ten Questions for Joyce

1. First, can you share with us a bit about you and your family?

2. You’ve been active answering questions on Quora.com, tagged as a top writer there for 2016. I was reading your bio and I loved your answer to the question, “What is unschooling?” Can you share your answer with us?

3. What was one of the more challenging aspects of your journey to unschooling?

4. I love that you’re drawn to sharing your insights into children and unschooling through the Q&A format. Here’s one you’ve tackled: “What did you make available or do with your child to help them learn to read? I keep hearing about playing games, putting labels on furniture. I have asked my 7 yo son if he would like to do that. He says no.”

5. Here’s a question that touches on the value of learning through experience: “How do you help your child learn gratitude?”

6. Another common question when it comes to living together closely in an unschooling home is, “How can I get them to do their chores?”

7. Developing a deep trust in children is a process. I loved this question: “Even if your children are happy and joyful, how can you know whether they are learning without measuring it?”

8. Here’s a seemingly simple question, but it hits a big truth about living unschooling. “Is it bad for children to eat their meals while watching TV?”

9. Your answer to this question has been viewed over 5k times on Quora and was featured on Slate.com. I love how unschooling helps us see how children live and learn and grow naturally, which often looks very different than with children in school. The question was: “How do you raise well-behaved children?”

10. Looking back now, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Joyce’s website: joyfullyrejoycing.com

Joyce’s blog: joyfullyrejoycing on tumblr

Joyce on Quora: her Quora profile

Facebook groups: Unschooling Mom2Mom and Radical Unschooling Info

EU013: Q&A Round Table

Anne Ohman and Anna Brown, both veteran unschooling parents, join me to answer listener questions.

Click here to submit your own question for the Q&A Round Table episodes!

Quote of the Week

“Real, natural learning is in the living. It’s in the observing, the questioning, the examining, the pondering, the breathing, the choosing, the reading, the playing, the DO-ing, the BE-ing, the loving, the Joy. It’s in the JOY.”” ~ Anne Ohman

Summary of Listener Questions

1. I’m currently unschooling my 5 year old son and we are both enjoying it, though the thought of needing to go back to work in the near future keeps coming up. Any thoughts on what I can do to prepare myself to do both, financially support and unschool?

2. I’m homeschooling an only child–my son is almost 9. I work part time outside the home 30 hours/week. My husband takes over the homeschooling on the 2 days I’m gone all day. My son is introverted and prefers to be home and play alone or with mom and dad, draw, or watch videos, most of the time. His 7 year old cousin comes over sometimes and they play, but mostly he’s a loner and loves to be with me and his dad. We do go on outings as a family but he’s not interested in activities with other homeschoolers. As you can see, he’s not very social but he’s kind, considerate, curious and happy. I don’t want to force him to interact with others but do you have any suggestions of types of activities he might enjoy so that he could have friends?

3. I’m looking for tips to support my always unschooled 18 year old. He is interested in art and has made a goal to work on his drawing skills everyday. He is very introverted, and he’s not interested in taking any classes at this time. He took some community college classes recently and excelled in them, but decided not to take any more at this time. My husband and I are excited that he’s passionate about art, and fully support how he’s spending his days now. He’s a happy guy and finds joy in video games, drawing, watching anime, and spending time with his girlfriend. I worry, though, that he’s s little stuck, or overwhelmed about taking steps to grow and learn. He’s never had a job and has not had interest in getting his drivers license. I don’t want to pressure him, but want advice (and maybe reassurance) about how to help him take the next steps when he’s ready.

4. How to unschool without it turning in to watching cartoons all day. My daughter used to go to the library and we’d pick out books together but now that she’s nine and has figured out about DVDs, all she wants are movies that I don’t really want her watching. Also, we don’t have a TV, but she can find any cartoon or show she wants on the internet and, short of turning off the internet, it’s hard without immense power struggles to get her to limit what she watches and how long.

5. I have a question about strewing, or the idea of bringing new, interesting ideas or interests into my kids lives. I feel like I do a good job supporting their current interests, but I’m not sure I’m bringing in enough extra to create opportunities to find new interests. How did this look on your unschooling journey?

6. What have been some of your favorite aspects of unschooling that you maybe didn’t realize would be part of the process until you were living it? Are there any stories you’d like to share of your unschooling joys and delights?

7. Would you and your thoughtful panel share your experiences with parenting through your children’s transition from young child to tween? My oldest is 10 and I’ve watched him mature in some big ways during the past year. I’ve been enjoying having an abundance of time with him so much and watching him grow, thanks to our unschooling lifestyle. I have noticed recently though, that I’m missing him, as part of his growing maturity also means growing independence. He is old enough and mature enough now to choose to stay home when his younger sister and I go out. He joyfully calls goodbye as we leave and happily welcomes us when we return, and I am glad that he is able to have that quiet time to just BE by himself, but I miss him! So, I’m not sure if you all experienced that beautiful mix of emotions- gratitude, and joy, and loss, when your children started transitioning from childhood to tweens or if it was possibly later for you (or earlier!) but I’d love to hear about your feelings and thinking around this age or just about your children’s growing independence in general.

8. My husband and I have been listening to the podcast as we start changing our lives toward unschooling. While reading Pam’s book, Exploring Unschooling (it’s free), I came across something that has been bugging me for a few days. In the chapter, “Will Unschooling Work?”, she says “when done well.” This implies that there is a wrong way to unschool. I keep asking “how do you unschool,” but maybe what I should be asking is “how do you unschool wrong or poorly?”

Links to things mentioned in the show

Pam’s map of the many places an interest can take them: video games and Harry Potter.

Anne’s Shine with Unschooling group: there’s the yahoo email list and the Facebook page.

Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com

EU012: Growing up Unschooling with Idzie Desmarais

Idzie Desmarais is a 25 year old grown unschooler and author of the blog, I’m Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. I’ve know Idzie’s mom online for many years, and watched from a distance as Idzie became interested in the process of unschooling itself and started her blog, way back in 2008. In 2010, I was hosting the Toronto Unschooling Conference and asked if she’d be interested in speaking. I was thrilled when she agreed, and she spoke in both 2010 and 2011. The TUC Talks are available free on my website.

Idzie and I had a wonderful chat, talking about unschooling days, her relationship with her parents, college, the advice she has for unschooling parents just starting out on this journey, and more!

Quote of the Week

“The act of placing the power over learning and life into the individual’s hands is both empowering and motivating. The “motivation” people see in unschoolers is really a joy in learning that is seen far less often among the masses in school.” ~ Idzie Desmarais

Questions for Idzie

1. Can you share with us a bit about you and your family?

2. What did your family’s move to unschooling look like?

3. And then a few years in, when your family was very comfortable with unschooling, what did your days generally look like?

4. For many years I’ve wondered why everyone just seems to accept that a strained parent-child dynamic is normal. What was your relationship with your parents like growing up? And now?

5. You summed up your most recent blog post, “Fun is More Important Than “Education”,” in your last line: “Have fun, and the learning will take care of itself.” I loved that. I remember when I eventually I stopped looking for the learning altogether and just looked for the fun. Do you see this step as an essential part of moving to unschooling?

6. You haven’t gone to college or university, and none of my three kids at this point have chosen to go, so let’s talk about that for a moment, because even unschooling parents can have a hard time with the idea of their kids not going to college. I see college as a tool that some might choose if it aligns with their goals, say a career that requires a degree, but it’s just as fine if they don’t. What are your thoughts on college or university?

7. You wrote a blog post I loved, titled, “In Praise of The Unexceptional: Because Unschooling Doesn’t Have to Be Impressive.” It’s true that unschooling young adults can be doing things that look impressive from the outside, but the difference is they’re doing them because they want to, not because they want to impress others. Unschooling is definitely not about being a different path to raising a conventionally successful adult. How important do you think it is to revisit our definition of success as we embark on the unschooling journey?

8. Along those lines, you gave a talk at the Northeast Unschooling Conference in Boston in 2015, which you posted on your blog as a series titled, “Unexceptionally Exceptional.” On my unschooling journey I came to value the quiet times and small, everyday moments in our lives, just as much as the bigger ones, yet that’s also a journey our children need to make on their own. Can you share a bit about your journey to seeing past the conventional noise to the profound value in downtime and being true to yourself?

9. You’ve talked online a bit about your challenges with depression. Do you think the perspective on living and learning that you’ve developed through growing up unschooling, that deeper level of self-awareness and understanding how you tick, helps you through these times?

10. When you look back over your childhood, can you see a thread or two that weaves through your interests over the years? A common theme that it uniquely you, even if the interests themselves varied widely?

11. As someone who’s grown up unschooling, is there a piece of advice you could share with unschooling parents who are just starting out on this journey?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Idzie’s blog: I’m Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write

Her Facebook page: I’m Unschooled. Yes, I Can Write. FB page

Idzie’s blog post: Fun is More Important Than “Education”

Idzie’s blog post: In Praise of The Unexceptional: Because Unschooling Doesn’t Have to Be Impressive

Idzie’s Unexceptionally Exceptional series ~

Part 1: The Meaning of Success

Part 2: Time for Struggle, Time for Joy

Part 3: A Gateway to Learning

Idzie’s TUC Talks: 2010 Talk: Unschooling is Forever and 2011 Talk: Against the Current (just scroll down a bit to find hers)