Pam Laricchia's Blog, page 42

EU011: Unschooling a Child With a Chronic Illness with Brie Jontry

Brie Jontry is an unschooling mom I’ve connected with a few times over the years because we share the experience of having a child who is living with a chronic illness. At first glance, it might seem like you’d need to drop some unschooling principles when your child’s health is in question, so I was excited to speak with Brie about her experience.

Quote of the Week

“Unfortunately most people are convinced that when control fails it’s because they didn’t control enough.” ~ Joyce Fetteroll

Questions for Brie

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. When did Noor develop type 1 diabetes and what did the diagnosis look like?

3. What were some of the advantages of Noor not being in school during this time?

4. One of things that stood out for me was that because we hadn’t been controlling Michael’s eating habits, he was already comfortable listening to his body’s cues, which had some great advantages now that he had to manually manage his insulin levels. Was your experience similar?

5. Once we got a handle on the day-to-day management and it became more routine, I found it really important to shift our focus away from the illness and back onto all of Michael. Did you find yourself making that shift?

6. When we look at how children learn through unschooling, we see that the most effective learning happens when they have choices and control over their actions. That can seem scary when the consequences could be drastic and immediate, but even with health issues I’ve found life and learning flows so much better when I don’t take on the role of gatekeeper or director. Have you found that as well?

7. With unschooling, we talk a lot about building a trusting relationship with our children, free of judgement and shame. Have you still found that to be a valuable foundation for your days when there’s a chronic illness in the mix?

8. Let’s talk about the teen years for a moment. As kids get older, they naturally spend more time away from their parents. If diabetes management has been closely controlled by the parents, which is often the conventional parenting approach, this time out from under their gaze can seem like freedom from all of that. In that situation, I think teens often make choices in reaction to that parental control, rather than in their own best interest. What has your experience been?

9. Also, as they get older and their life expands, new fears crops up, don’t they? Like their first overnights away from home, then their first extended trips, and Michael will be driving on his own in the next couple of months. How do you move through those moments?

Links to more info

Pam’s article: In Control: Helping a child self-manage a chronic disease (published in Natural Life Magazine, Mar/Apr 2010 issue)

EU010: Unschooling Dads with Rick Rossing

Rick Rossing is a stay-at-home unschooling dad. He and his wife, Deb, have one child, Joshua. I’ve known him and his family for years through unschooling circles and we’ve met a few times at conferences and gatherings.

In today’s episode, Rick and I talk about his unschooling experience.

Quote of the Week

“Do not ask that your kids live up to your expectations. Let your kids be who they are, and your expectations will be in breathless pursuit.” ~ Robert Brault

Questions for Rick

1. Can you share with us a bit about your background and your family?

2. How did you discover unschooling? What did your family’s move to unschooling look like?

3. How did the choice for you to be the stay-at-home parent evolve?

4. I know for us, unschooling multiple children had some challenges, like working through sibling conflicts and figuring out ways to support different interests at the same time. I expect there are also challenges inherent with unschooling one child. What has your experience been?

5. Has Joshua develop any interests that have stretched your comfort zones? If so, how did you move through that?

6. Looking back on how Joshua’s interests have grown and changed over the years, can you see a thread that has run through them up to this point?

7. As Deb was working outside the home, what are some of the things you guys did to help her and Joshua stay connected?

8. I know you’ve been writing sci fi novels the last couple of years. I imagine you’ve had more time for your own projects as your son has gotten older. What has that process looked like?

EU009: Ten Questions with Amy Childs

Amy Childs is an unschooling mom to three lovable, and now adult, children. She’s also the producer of The Unschooling Life Podcast and a happiness consultant.

In today’s episode, I ask her ten questions about her unschooling experience.

Quote of the Week

“Raising children with an emphasis on intrinsic rewards is not a technique, a method or a trick to get them to do what the parent wants them to by subtler means, but a way of life, a way of living with children with real respect for their intelligence and for their being.” ~ Mary Van Doren

Ten Questions for Amy

1. First, can you share with us a bit about you and your family, and how you came to unschooling?

2. I really enjoy hearing about what unschooled young adults are up to. I love the amazingly wide range of things, and knowing that even if it looks like regular young adult stuff, they are approaching it with such a different mindset. Can you share what your children have been up to lately?

3. You’ve been running number of unschooling intro sessions in Philadelphia for local parents this year. That’s very cool! How have they been going?

4. What was one of the more challenging aspects of your journey to unschooling?

5. You produced 50 episodes of The Unschooling Life Podcast, congratulations! I’d like to ask you a couple of questions about the experience. Which was your favourite episode?

6. Which of the episodes did you feel you learned even more, either about unschooling or about yourself, by putting together?

7. You took a year off in 2011. I love how you described it on your blog at the time: “All three of my kids (ages 18, 20, 23) are in transitional times of life, and lately we’d been playing with various ideas for how to accommodate their various phases. When it hit me that if my son replaced me as “head of the household” everyone’s needs would be satisfied at once, it was just … voila! All I had to do was relinquish all acquired comforts, and head solo into the wild unknown. My specialty!” How did it go?

8. Almost 14 years ago when we first began unschooling, the pursuit of joy and happiness felt indulgent, like it should be a reward after the work of the day was done. I had no idea back then that pursuing joy would turn out to be the root of so much good in our lives—cultivating our curiosity, learning, creativity, even our mindset and how we approach our days. So I love that you describe yourself as a happiness consultant! How did you come to use that description?

9. I noticed you recently posted a couple of new episodes of your podcast, Whatever, Whatever, Amen. Can you tell us a bit about that project?

10. Looking back now, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Amy’s personal website: amychilds.com

Amy’s unschooling podcast: The Unschooling Life Podcast

Amy’s other podcast: Whatever Whatever Amen

 

EU008: Q&A Round Table

Anne Ohman and Anna Brown, both veteran unschooling parents, join me to answer listener questions.

Click here to submit your own question for the Q&A Round Table episodes!

Quote of the Week

“We live in a world awash with information, but we seem to face a growing scarcity of wisdom. And what’s worse, we confuse the two. We believe that having access to more information produces more knowledge, which results in more wisdom. But, if anything, the opposite is true — more and more information without the proper context and interpretation only muddles our understanding of the world rather than enriching it.” ~ Maria Popova, curator of brainpickings.org, Wisdom in the Age of Information and the Importance of Storytelling in Making Sense of the World

Summary of Listener Questions

1. How to deal with school kids? Our daughter was asked by one of her friends (both 9) how she would learn without going to school and she told our daughter there is important stuff in school she would need one day in her life. Then she asked a question and our daughter couldn’t answer so she said, “and that is why you need to go to school.” How did your children deal with questions like that?

2. I have been getting the message that if I continue letting my kids play video games as much as they like then they won’t have any imaginations or they will lose their creativity. Where’s the proof?

3. Unschooling is such a misnomer—what word or words, or definition would you give to this way of being with children? What was the over-riding philosophy, or mantra or specific vision that brought you the most clarity about unschooling, that helped keep you on the path during difficult moments?

4. How does an unschooling parent apply “principles” at home successfully without getting in the child’s way?

5. I have a 12 year ADD boy and we are in our second year of unschooling. It’s scary for us to see him be bored all the time and not know what he wants to do so he just goes back to his computer. Could unschooling actually hurt this child rather then help?

6. We just started unschooling our two kids (son 13 and daughter 16) last March. My son, who is very focused on one or two things at a time naturally is really not showing many signs of curiosity or willingness to explore new things. I’m not sure if he is just recovering from the trauma of school, just uber-focused, or if maybe he’s not a good fit for unschooling. Any advice or suggestions? Do you see anything wrong with being so focused?

7. I have a battle in my head over a TV programme my daughter likes to watch. I find the programme to be influencing her in a negative way. By forbidding it I am probably making it more desirable. I am sure as the years go by there will be many more programmes that interest her that I am unsure about so I feel I need to really think about the best way to deal with this. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Links to things mentioned in the show

Pam’s article: Unschooling Passions

Anne’s Shine with Unschooling group: there’s the yahoo email list and the Facebook page.

Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com

 

EU007: Diving into Parenting with Anna Brown

Anna Brown is a long-time unschooling mom to two lovely daughters, ages 16 and 18. I met her online years ago through the Shine with Unschooling email list and have loved connecting with her more deeply over the years. She gave a talk a couple of years ago at an unschooling conference that I loved and I was very excited to dive into it again with her.

In this episode, Anna talks about parenting ideas that she found helpful in her family’s unschooling lives.

Quote of the Week

“We don’t yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.” ~ Alice Miller, For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence

Questions for Anna

1. The first question I’d like to ask from your talk is about finding the underlying needs when a conflict arises. We’ve probably all experienced times when just asking hasn’t worked—often even adults aren’t good at verbalizing what real needs they are trying to meet by engaging in a conflict. How do you go about discovering the underlying needs at play in a conflict?

2. When your child’s upset about something, it’s not very hard to feel sympathetic, to acknowledge their feelings. But often we jump from there to trying to fix things, and then we wonder why they stay stuck in the upset. As part of my book research, I’ve been reading more about empathy. Empathy is about feeling with a person—acknowledging their emotion, and then connecting with the person on that level, helping them feel heard and understood where they are. It reminds me of how in unschooling circles we talk about validation, that step of acknowledging a child’s feelings as real and valid, connecting with the child where they are, and then moving forward when they are ready. How do you see the process of validation playing out?

3. What is the 90 second rule?

4. Another thing you mentioned in your talk really stood out for me because I also found it to be such a helpful way to approach things. It was to recognize that everyone is doing their best in this moment. Can you talk about that?

5. When you and your child are at odds, it can be tempting to try to maneuver things to get to the outcome we think is best. Even if we don’t come right out and say it, kids can often sense our agenda, can’t they? Yet that can get in the way of their learning and undermine the trust in your relationship. So how else can we approach those moments?

6. One of the most empowering ideas on my unschooling journey has been the realization that everything is a choice. Really, everything. Was that a big one for you as well?

7. An important part of deschooling is developing trust: in the process of unschooling, in our children, in ourselves. Why is that so valuable?

8. Sometimes we are reminded that we’re doing something very unconventional and find ourselves feeling anxious and unsure. What helps you move through those moments?

9. We all have hot buttons, things we react to almost unconsciously before we even realize what’s happening. Yet on our unschooling journey, as we gain more self-awareness, it’s pretty common to begin to see those automatic reactions as over-reactions to the actual situation at hand. And we don’t want to do that to our family. How can we change things up?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com

 

EU006: Unschooling Dads with Skyler Collins

Skyler is an unschooling dad of three children and is the editor of Unschooling Dads: Twenty-two Testimonials on Their Unconventional Approach to Education. It’s not often that we get to hear about unschooling from the dad’s perspective, and I love that you took the time and effort to pull this book together. I really enjoyed reading their perspectives on unschooling.

In this episode, Skyler shares stories about his book, and his perspective on unschooling.

Quote of the Week

“We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought.” ~ Bertrand Russell

Questions for Skyler

1. Please share with us a bit about your background and your family.

2. As you mention in the book’s preface, you were the one to bring the idea of unschooling to your family. That’s unusual—as I’m sure became aware, unschooling groups are, by far, mostly filled with moms. How did you find unschooling and how did you introduce your wife to the idea? What did that process look like?

3. The men whose essays are included in the book come from a wide range of backgrounds, from artists to entrepreneurs to college professors. What does that say to you about the appeal of the unschooling lifestyle?

4. I love that you organized the twenty-two essays around the contributors’ unschooling experience, from prospective unschooling dads, to junior dads, to senior dads. Was this something you planned from the start, or did that arrangement come about after you’d gathered the essays?

5. It’s so interesting to catch a glimpse of the diverse paths that people take to get to unschooling. Some find it as they actively move away from school experiences that aren’t working, while others find it as they move toward the philosophical principles that unschooling embraces. What’s your impression of the interplay of anti-schooling versus pro-unschooling throughout the book?

6. Last week I spoke with Sandra Dodd and we talked about the paradigm shift to joy that was part of our journey to unschooling. She wrote about it in her short essay, “Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life,” and it was so fundamental for me that 12 years ago I named my website after it: livingjoyfully. You touched on it in your essay as well. I want to read a short quote from it:

My wife’s reluctance has faded quite a bit now that she’s witnessing our children’s joy. For me, that’s the primary focus of unschooling: helping our children live as joyfully as possible. Everything else will naturally follow from that. As long as our children are happy, they will have confidence in themselves that they can achieve anything they want to in life. I truly believe that, and unschooling is the better vehicle toward living joyfully than any schooling-based alternative.

Can you talk a bit about how joy became your primary focus of unschooling?

7. I love the epilogue! How being asked to write an essay for the book felt like homework to your friend Phil. Can you share the story and how it relates to unschooling?

8. What surprised you most about the essays you received?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Skyler’s personal website: skylerjcollins.com

Skyer’s Voluntary website: everything-voluntary.com

NOTE: You can find the Unschooling Dads book at either site.

Sandra’s essay: Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life

Related blog posts

Book Review: Unschooling Dads, edited by Skyler Collins

The Fear of Your Child Choosing School

 

EU005: Ten Questions with Sandra Dodd

Sandra is a long-time unschooling mom of three—Kirby, Marty, and Holly—who are now adults. She’s also the creator of the awesome unschooling resource, sandradodd.com.

In today’s episode, I ask her ten questions about her unschooling experience.

Quote of the Week

“If your child is more important than your vision of your child, life becomes easier.” ~ Sandra Dodd

Ten Questions for Sandra

1. I’ve always loved your short essay, “Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life.” I’ve linked to it in my intro to unschooling materials for years. I’m pretty sure I first came across it way back in 2002 and the paradigm shift you talk about was both fundamental and inspiring at the beginning of my unschooling journey. Can you talk a bit about that shift?

2. Before you began unschooling, you were a teacher. What were some of the challenges to learning that you saw in the classroom environment?

3. When you children were young, I imagine that with three at home sometimes conflicts arose. Can you share some of the ways you approached them?

4. As your children got older and spent more time in activities in the community, what were some of the differences you noticed between the schooled and unschooled kids?

5. One topic that pops up pretty regularly in unschooling groups is online safety—there’s a lot of fear wrapped up in there. How did you handle that?

6. Another essay of yours that I love is “Public School on Your Own Terms.” In it, you talk about how, even if unschooling isn’t an option for a family at the time, there are ways to lessen the power that school exerts over their lives. Can you share some of those ideas?

7. Your children have taken some college courses over the years. Can you share a couple of stories about their experiences?

8. What’s life like for you and your husband now that all your children have moved out? Can you still feel the influence of the unschooling lifestyle in your days?

9. You’ve continued volunteering your time and effort in the unschooling community—answering questions online, speaking, sending out Just Add Light And Stir blog posts every day, and maintaining your extensive and amazing website. That’s awesome for us all! I’d love to hear what has drawn you to stay involved, even after your children have become adults.

10. Looking back now, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Sandra’s extensive unschooling website: sandradodd.com

Sandra’s daily inspirational posts: Just Add Light and Stir

Sandra’s essay: Rejecting a Pre-Packaged Life

Sandra’s Marty story details: What do you say about sex?

Sandra’s essay: Public School on Your Own Terms

Sandra’s yahoo email list: Always Learning

You can find Sandra in the Facebook group: Radical Unschooling Info

Sandra’s magical unschooling search page: is here

If you’d like to submit a question for an upcoming Q&A episode, just go to livingjoyfully.ca/podcast.

EU004: Q&A Round Table

Anne Ohman and Anna Brown, both veteran unschooling parents, join me to answer listener questions.

Click here to submit your own question for the Q&A episodes!

Quote of the Week

“I’m talking about living a life that is driven more strongly by curiosity than by fear.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Questions

1. How do people successfully unschool older kids when there are babies/toddlers in the house that restrict the opportunities for the older one? For instance, I can hardly read to my 5yo because my 2yo constantly interferes.

2. This question is similar in that it deals with multiple children, but it’s a bit different perspective: how does unschooling work with three young children?

3. I feel so much pressure and guilt knowing that family and friends would not understanding unschooling, so I hide it by saying we homeschool when I’m asked. Is that ok? I feel so guilty, and then that guilt turns into doubting whether I’m doing the right thing, yet deep inside I know I am. How do I deal with this constant back and forth internal struggle?

4. I’d love to hear about games that have provided family fun. Any kind of game: board games, computer games, waiting games, word games etc.

Links to things mentioned in the show

For the Love of Learning show, episode #47: Attachment Parenting

Anne’s Shine with Unschooling group: there’s the yahoo email list and the Facebook page.

Anna’s website: choosingconnection.com

My recent blog post about games: Fun and Games in Our Unschooling Lives

How to play the Contact word game.

EU003: Unschooling Teens with Sue Patterson

Sue Patterson is a long-time unschooling mom of three grown children. She recently released a book, Homeschooled Teens, where she shares her own insights from unschooling three teens plus what she discovered when she sent out a survey about being homeschooled through adolescence and 75 teens and young adults replied in detail.

In this episode, Sue shares some of what she found with us.

Quote of the Week

“Teens are subjected to far more restrictions than are any of the other groups—to roughly twice as many restrictions as incarcerated felons and active-duty Marines and to more than ten times as many as everyday adults.” ~ Robert Epstein, Teen 2.0: Saving Our Children and Families from the Torment of Adolescence.

Episode Highlights

First, Sue shares about her family’s unschooling experience:

How her family came to unschooling.
The fascinating threads of interests and activities that wove together to bring her children to where they are today.
What inspired her to take on this book project.

And then we dig into the book itself:

Some of the advantages that the respondents saw from not going to school.
The ways they learned outside the classroom.
What their social lives looked like.
Their experiences pursuing interests, hobbies, and jobs.
The strength of their family relationships.
Some of the advice the teen and young adult respondents wanted to share with worried parents.
What surprised her most when she was going through the responses.

Links to things mentioned in the show

Unschooling Mom2Mom, a curated information about unschooling, sharing the best of the best: unschoolingmom2mom.com

And the related FB group: Unschooling Mom2Mom

Sue’s book, Homeschooled Teens on Amazon

You can get a free chapter from Sue’s book, Homeschooled Teens, here: suepatterson.com/free-chapter

Sue’s coaching practice, helping families homeschool successfully: suepatterson.com

Related blog posts

Book Review: Homeschooled Teens by Sue Patterson

Five Unconventional Ideas about Relationships with Teens

Teens Reap What Their Parents Sow

What About College?

What Does Lifelong Learning Look Like?

 

 

EU002: Ten Questions with Pam Sorooshian

Pam Sorooshian is a long-time unschooling mom of three, now adult, children, who continues to stay actively involved in the unschooling community. She’s also a college professor of economics and statistics.

In today’s episode, I ask her ten questions about her unschooling experience.

Quote of the Week

“Man’s mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions.” ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Ten Questions for Pam

1. Jumping back a few years, how did you first hear about unschooling and what spurred you to begin exploring unschooling with your family?

2. Let’s talk a bit about what learning looks like with unschooling. When one of your children was actively pursuing an interest, what are some of the things you did to support their exploration? And how did you weave together pursuing the interests of all three children?

3. One of the wonderful things about unschooling is the time we spend together. We get to know each other very well, strengthening our family’s connections and relationships, and part of that process, especially with siblings, is figuring out ways to move through moments when they are frustrated and angry with each other. When your children were younger, how did you help them move through conflicts?

4. I understand that your husband was a bit wary of unschooling for a few years, as was mine. How did you approach that?

5. One of the topics that regularly trips up newcomers to unschooling is TV watching. I’ve always loved your clear explanation of how restricting TV actually causes children to become more strongly attracted to it, the opposite of what the parent is trying to accomplish. Can you take us through that?

6. As an economics and statistics professor, you are pretty comfortable with math, but it’s an area that can be challenging for some people to figure out as they explore unschooling, especially since school has mostly boiled math down to worksheets. I have two questions for you about math. The first is, can you talk about how you see learning math through unschooling?

7. The second question is, can you suggest, especially for parents who are feeling a bit math phobic, some activities can they do with their children?

8. You’ve been actively involved with Homeschool Association of California’s annual conference for many years. What are some the benefits of going to a conference that you’ve seen for newer unschooling families?

9. All three of your daughters chose to go to college, and you see lots of schooled kids in your college classes. Have you seen any advantages in college from growing up unschooling?

10. Looking back now, what, for you, has been the most valuable outcome from choosing unschooling?

Links to things mentioned in the show

Pam’s blog: learninghappens.wordpress.com

Pam’s classic piece: “Economics of Restricting TV Watching of Children”

Read more about Pam’s daughters’ college experience: sandradodd.com/college

You can find Pam participating in discussions in these Facebook groups: Radical Unschooling Info and Unschooling Mom2Mom.

And you can find more info about the HSC Conference here: www.hscconference.com

 

If you’d like to submit a question for an upcoming Q&A episode, just go to livingjoyfully.ca/podcast.