Brian Francis's Blog, page 28

Miracle Whip Cake

The world can be a traumatic place for cakers when we leave the ruffled curtain comfort of our homes. We have to adapt to new ways of thinking, especially when it comes to food. We learn that orange juice doesn't come from a powder; that whipped cream doesn't come in a container in the freezer section. And we learn that mayonnaise doesn't come in a jar labelled Miracle Whip.

As a condiment, Miracle Whip holds a place of distinction in most caker fridges. It goes into our spinach dips, tuna sandwiches and into our casseroles. In fact, many cakers still use Miracle Whip as a hair conditioner, which explains the funky aroma we have on hot days.

While using mayonnaise in a cake may not seem all that shocking (it replaces the eggs and oil, after all), Miracle Whip takes it to a whole other (caker) dimension. But when taste-tested among cakers and non-cakers alike, this cake got a big thumps up. It's moist, chocolately and light. I guess miracles really do exist.

2 cups flour
1 cup white sugar
4 tablespoons cocoa
1 ½ teaspoons baking powder
1 ½ teaspoons baking soda
pinch salt
1 cup cold water
1 cup Miracle Whip
1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix together first 6 ingredients and add all at once the cold water, Miracle Whip and vanilla. Mix just until blended and pour immediately into a greased 9” x 12” greased and floured pan. Bake in 350º oven for 40-45 minutes.

Source: Belleville Shrine Club

After Dinner Mints

You never saw a bigger to-do in my family than when company came to visit. The beach towels would get taken off the living room furniture, the toilet tank fur would be washed, my dad would rake the orange-and-gold shag carpet and my mom would pace back and forth between the front door and the living room window, reminding me to not. Touch. ANYTHING!

After Eight mints were usually reserved for company visits. (Well, in my family, you were lucky if the mints made it until after four.) We even had a silver-plated container to hold the box. My mom was the portrait of sophistication as she passed the mints around, bathed in Elizabeth Taylor’s Purple Passion perfume, asking if she could boil anyone another cup of Nescafé.

These mints reminded me of those company visits and After Eights. I realize that mints made with mashed potatoes might not sound too appetizing. But they’re pretty good. So long as you mash the potatoes really good. (No one likes a chunky mint.) And since potatoes are vegetables, it's safe to assume there’s a vitamin or two in each fluorescent one.

½ cup mashed potatoes
1 teaspoon peppermint flavouring
Food colouring to suit
2 ½ cups sifted icing sugar (see note)

Combine potatoes and half the sugar, add flavouring and colouring. Mix in remaining sugar until still. Knead until smooth. Roll into long rolls, then cut into bite-sized pieces. This mixture may be divided and different colours added – with one left plain (e.g. red, green, yellow, white). Good!

Note: I used more icing sugar to get the right consistency for kneading. It ended up being closer to 3½ cups.

Source: Cook Book of the Mount Royal United Church

Caker Sharing is Caker Caring

Am I paranoid, or is it weird to see Ontario strawberries in August? The way I remember it, there used to be a two-week strawberry season at the end of June. After that, you were SOL and left with those flavourless, heart-sized hollow things from California.

Anyway, I was recently contacted by Caker Cooking reader (and book publicist extraordinaire), Adria, about Frozen Fluffy Strawberry Pie. In her own words:
"Nothing brings back childhood summers more than the sweet smell of strawberries and condensed milk. Mum fancied herself a pie expert, famous for her apple pie with perfect Crisco-aided crusts. But the thought of turning on the oven in July after she’d picked Grandma’s berry bushes clean had her wincing. Frozen Fluffy Strawberry Pie to the rescue. Not for the lactose intolerant, this recipe brings together cream cheese, whipping cream, butter and condensed milk. Add that to some strawberries and coconut and you can basically rename it (Virgin) Strawberry Daiquiri Pie."
I don't know about you, but I don't consider anything with "virgin" in the name a selling feature. However, I'm sure this pie is delicious. Here's the recipe.
Thanks, Adria!
Do YOU have a caker recipe? Why hoard it in shame? Share it and you could be a caker celebrity! Email info@cakercooking dot com.

Sister Vincentia’s Cheeseburger Meat Loaf

As much as I love making (and eating) caker food, I also love the cookbooks the recipes come from. I recently created a cookbook gallery, along with the recipes I’ve featured from each one. Almost every recipe carries the name of the person who submitted it. Sometimes, on a lonely Saturday night, I wonder about these people. Are they still making their Pineapple Cream Cakes and Spaghetti Pies?

While there isn’t anything remarkable about this Cheeseburger Meat Loaf recipe, it was the name of the contributor that caught my attention:  Sister Vincentia. It was the most non-caker name I'd come across. Who was she? What was her story? Then I remembered that, in this modern age, everyone is Googlable. So I came across this and was caught off guard by the sadness you sometimes feel for complete strangers.

I can’t resist renaming this meat loaf in her honour. “Sister Vincentia’s Cheeseburger Meat Loaf” has a way of rolling off the tongue, don't you think? Also, the name Vincentia means “the conqueror.” And let me tell you, she conquered this meat loaf. It’s moist and flavourful with a melted ribbon of cheesy goodness.

Wherever you are, Sister Vincentia, I hope the mashed potatoes are as fluffy as clouds.

2 eggs
½ cup light cream
2 slices stale bread, coarsely crumbled
1 small onion
¼ cup finely chopped celery
¼ chopped green pepper
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon pepper
Dash garlic salt
2 pounds ground beef
3 slices yellow cheese
Tomato sauce or ketchup

Heat over to 350°. Beat eggs in medium mixing bowl. Add cream, beat. Add crumbs to egg mixture. Let set until bread becomes soft. Stir. Add all remaining ingredients except cheese and tomato sauce. Work mixture until well mixed. Place half of mixture into well greased loaf baking dish. Shape and flatten top until even. Lay slices of cheese on surface of loaf. Do not extend over edge. Place remaining meat mixture on top of cheese, shape loaf with hands, sealing edges well. Bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour. Remove from oven. Spread tomato sauce over top. Bake for 20 to 30 minutes longer or until done. Yield 6-8 servings.


Source: Look ‘N Cook, Mothers Auxiliary, 4th Port Hope Brownie Pack, Port Hope

Peanut Butter Gems

This week, I’m introducing a brand-new feature called “Writers Cooking Caker.” It’s like when Stacy Q guest-starred as Cinnamon on Facts of Life.

Some of you might assume that writers don’t cook; that we’re too busy writing novels about elusive white whales or women involved in S&M relationships to even think about food. But that’s simply not true. After all, food is what feeds the imagination. And can you think of any food more imaginative than caker food? So every now and then, I’ll post a caker recipe from a fellow writer, along with some information about his or her latest book.

This week, I'm welcoming Dani Couture and her Peanut Butter Gems. Dani recently published her first novel, Algoma, a lovely and poignant book about a young family dealing with tragedy. Speaking of lovely, her Peanut Butter Gems ain’t nothing to sneeze at neither. They taste like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. You don’t even have to bake them! How caker is that? And they're delicious. (Especially when frozen IMHO.)

2 cups semi-sweet chocolate
1 cup crunchy peanut butter
1 ½ cups graham cracker crumbs
1 cup butter
¾ pound icing sugar (3 cups)

Melt chocolate pieces in top of double boiler. Meanwhile mix together peanut butter, cracker crumbs, butter and icing sugar. Pat this into a 13 x 9-inch pan. (See note.) Spread the melted chocolate on top. Chill and cut into small squares. Freezes very well.

Note: I’m more of an 8 x 8-inch guy myself, so I used that instead. Trouble was, it made the chocolate layer thicker, which made cutting the squares harder, especially once the chocolate was set. If you make them in a square pan, ease up on the chocolate layer. Otherwise, it’ll be tough cutting through and your squares will end up looking more like geometrical shapes.



Source: Hometown Recipes of Amherstburg, Wesley United Church U.C.W.












BONUS RECIPE!!

Dani also passed along her recipe for Aunt Paulette’s Party Potato Bake. They’re like Schwartzies Hash Browns, only with more fat (if you can believe it) because they have a potato chip crust. Aunt Paulette, I'll party with your potatoes anytime.

Aunt Paulette's Party Potato Bake

1 bag of Cavendish hashbrowns (those ones where the potatoes are little square potatoes)
1 tub full fat sour cream
1 cup sharp cheddar
1 medium onion chopped
1 stick salted butter
1 cup crushed plain chips
Salt and Pepper to taste

Saute chopped onion in butter. Empty hashbrown bag into a large bowl, mix in room temp butter, sour cream, sauteed onion, and cheddar. Salt and pepper as you please. Layer mess into a baking tin so it's about 3" deep (too thin and it dries out) Sprinkle crushed chips on top. Bake at 350 for 20 odd minutes depending on your stove.

About Algoma:
A year after watching his brother go through the ice, twelve-year old Ferd refuses to believe Leo is gone. Convinced his brother is still alive, Ferd enters into a campaign of letters to persuade his brother to come home, "mailing" notes in any pool of water he can find. Soon, sopping notes begin to appear around the house – folded squares of paper in the rain reservoir, kitchen sink, and washing machine. Ferd’s mother, Algoma, finds the letters and keeps them to herself in an attempt to hide them from her increasingly distant husband. Gaetan, a bartender who obsessively records the weather, rejects his family’s increasingly erratic behaviour and disappears one night leaving behind his weather journal, a newly pregnant wife, and a son consumed with talking to the dead.

More info.

Caker Cooking Contest!

By now, some of you might know that I write novels. My second book, Natural Order , just came out in paperback and to celebrate, I'm giving away copies to say thanks for making Caker Cooking the worldwide phenomenon it is today.

Five winners will receive a book, along with a handwritten index card (good luck reading my chicken scratch) featuring a caker recipe that has yet to appear on this blog. That's right, folks. You're getting an exclusive  caker recipe personally selected from my vast library of coil-bound cookbooks. I'll also personalize the book.

To enter, just send an email to contest@cakercooking.com with the subject line "contest." Five names will be randomly selected, winners will be contacted for mailing addresses and the books will be sent out. The contest closes Sunday, August 26 at midnight and there's one entry per person.

Hope you enjoy the book – and the recipe.


Brian

Ribbon Salad

Many of you might assume I live this perfect caker life; that my Porcupine Meatballs are always moist, my Dream Whip is always fluffy as air, and I never cut myself opening up a can. But the fact is that every caker stumbles. Yes, even me.

Take this Ribbon Salad. I had images of layered colours and glistening gelatin. I even planned to make a clever Olympics reference by mentioning ribbon gymnastics. But this Ribbon Salad had me in knots.

When I tried to cut it into squares like the recipe said, it was messier than a drunk bridesmaid. I had to scoop it out and plop it into bowls. It looked like abstract art, which would've been fine except for the fact that, when it comes to our food, cakers tend to be paint by number folks.

In any case, Ribbon Salad has reminded me that, sometimes in life, you need to dust the JELL-O powder off and carry on, caker soldier.

First layer:
1 small package lime JELL-O
1 cup boiling water
1 tin crushed pineapple
Pour into a 9x13 pan and let set partially before adding second layer.

Second layer:
1 small package lemon JELL-O
1 cup boiling water
12 ounces Philadelphia cream cheese
1 cup whipping cream (I use 1 package Dream Whip)
Mix JELL-O and hot water and let partially set. Whip cream. Whip the cream cheese until smooth. Add JELL-O and whip cream and beat well. Pour over first layer.

Third layer: 1 package cherry JELL-O (3 ounce)
2 cups boiling water
1 tin fruit cocktail (drained)

Mix JELL-O and hot water and let partially set. Mix in drained fruit cocktail and spoon over second layer. Refrigerate until firm. Best when made ahead and left overnight. Cut into squares and serve. (This makes a colourful salad for Christmas, weddings or summer dessert.)

Source: Cook Book of the Mount Royal United Church, Saskatoon













At least the dog seemed interested.

Fibre-Rich Bean Muffins

Look, there’s no point beating around the bush – everyone suffers from constipation from time to time. But for cakers, getting bunged up is simply a fact of our everyday lives. It explains why so many of us walk around with that pinched look on our faces.

It’s no wonder traffic can get a little congested with all the processed, synthetic and non-green foods we cakers consume. But, thankfully, here’s a recipe guaranteed to get the lead out. So to speak.

Some of you may find making muffins with beans a little disturbing. But how is it any different than that Jessica Seinfeld book where she put things like spinach in brownies and bean sprouts in pudding? (Or whatever it was she did.)

As to how these muffins taste, I have to say not too bad. Kind of like mini Tomato Soup Cakes. In fact, I’ve already eaten thr–


Er…excuse me for a moment. Nature's calling.


1 cup raisins
1 cup boiling water
3 eggs
1 cup oil
2 cups white sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup walnuts
1 14-ounce can beans in tomato sauce
½ teaspoon salt
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon baking powder

Mix raisins with boiling water. Stir and set aside. Beat eggs, oil, sugar, vanilla and beans until beans are broken. Add flour and remaining ingredients, including raisins and water. Mix well. Spoon batter into large paper muffin cups. Bake at 325º for 30 minutes.

Source: Centennial Central Cook Book

Fudgsicles

Do you ever find yourself sitting in a dusty rose La-Z-Boy recliner, wearing your housecoat, sipping a glass of white zinfandel and wondering, “Whatever happened to Bill Cosby and his JELL-O Pudding Pops?”

It’s a mystery that has haunted me for years. But now that I’ve found this recipe, I can only ask, "Bill who?" These icy treats are somewhere between a Fudgsicle and a Pudding Pop. Best of all? Two ingredients!

I had a hard time finding popsicle molds but got these at Crate and Barrel. If you're desperate, you can always fall back on the ol' Tupperware cup and spoon.

1 4-ounce package instant chocolate pudding
2 ½ cups milk

Mix as directed on pudding package. Pour into popsicle molds and freeze.


Source: Centennial Central School Cook Book

Macaroni Casserole

A few weeks back, I christened a woman named Carmelle the “Caker Queen” because I’d featured two of her recipes on Caker Cooking. But I was a bit hasty in that declaration because if there’s anyone who deserves that title, it’s my mom.

It was she, after all, who set me on my caker path. To think of everything I’ve learned from this woman – that you can serve salads with marshmallows alongside roast beef. Or solidify pineapple rings in JELL-O. Or turn a cereal box into a gift box. To this day, the sound of someone routing through a kitchen drawer looking for a can opener is music to my ears.

My mom’s getting older and nowadays even casseroles can seem like too much work. So this past weekend, I did what any respectable son-of-a-caker would do: I went for a visit and made her Macaroni Casserole.

Of all the casseroles my mom made throughout the years (and believe me, there were many), this is my favourite. I don’t know why it’s so good. Maybe it’s the tomato soup. Or the elbow macaroni. Or maybe, it’s just mom.

As an added bonus this week, I’ve included another one of my mom’s recipes. Her molasses cookies aren’t technically caker, but they kick butt. And the ones I brought her this weekend got the thumbs up. So consider the caker torch officially passed.

Carmelle, I hope you’re OK with a title change. The bottom line is that there should only be one queen in your life – and that's mom.

Macaroni Casserole

1 package ground beef
2 cups dry elbow macaroni
2 cans tomato soup
Minced onion (optional)

Brown the ground beef and onion until cooked. Salt and pepper to taste. Boil the macaroni to desired firmness and drain. Mix together the beef, macaroni and tomato soup. Put in casserole dish. Top with Paramesan cheese. Bake, covered, at 375° for about a half hour or until bubbly and cheese is melted.

Mom’s Molasses Cookies

1 cup sugar
¾ cup shortening (see note)
¼ cup molasses
2 eggs
2 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ginger
1 teaspoon cloves
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Mix together. Roll in balls and dip in sugar. Bake for 15 minutes at 350°.

Note: My ass can’t do the shortening. So I use unsalted butter.

Source: The Caker Queen
Forever a glamour gal.