Brian Francis's Blog, page 27

Pumpkin Dessert

Thanksgiving is a special time for cakers. We gather round our kitchen tables, join hands and give God thanks for the many blessings in our lives, including Kraft Thousand Island dressing, Bee Hive corn syrup and Duncan Hines cake mix.

Unlike most people, cakers don’t stop at making only cake with cake mix. We’re far too resourceful for that. We use it as a dessert topping, as a secret ingredient in cookies and some of us even use it as an effective scouring powder for cleaning bathroom grout.

This Pumpkin Dessert – which dates back further in caker history than our love of Hee Haw  – offers the best of both worlds by using cake mix for the topping and the crust. Serve it with a side of Cool Whip and you’ll be in pilgrim heaven. If the pilgrims had cake mix. Which they didn’t. Because it hadn’t been invented. But they would’ve. If they'd had've had it.

Ow. That last one hurt my brain real bad.

1 package yellow cake mix
½ cup butter, melted
3 eggs
1 can (30 ounce) pumpkin pie mix
1 can evaporated milk
½ cup sugar
¼ cup all purpose flour
3 teaspoons ground cinnamon

In a large mixing bowl, combine the cake mix, butter and one egg until crumbly. Set aside 2/3 cup for topping. Press the remaining crumb mixture into a greased 9” x 13” baking pan. In a mixing bowl, beat the remaining eggs. Add pie mix and milk and pour over crust. Combine the sugar, flour, cinnamon and reserved crumb mixture, sprinkle over the pumpkin layer. Bake at 350° for 45-50 minutes or until top is golden brown. Cool on a wire rack for 1 hour. Refrigerate for 2 hours or until chilled before cutting.

Source: Royal Canadian Legion Branch 99

Happy Caker Thanksgiving!

We here in Canada are celebrating Thanksgiving on Monday (Sorry, Americans. You'll have to wait another few weeks.) I'm taking a few minutes away from my busy Thanksgiving schedule (which includes making turkey drawings in the shape of my hand) to wish you all the cakerest of Thanksgivings.

Watch for Monday's post when I'll share my recipe for the caker classic, Pumpkin Dessert. In the meantime, feel free to check out my apple head doll, now in its third, creepy week.

Happy Gobbling.

"This is Terrible - the Soda is Overwhelming!" Cherry Pudding

She ain't pretty, she just looks that way.Every now and then, I find handwritten comments in the margins of my cookbooks. Usually, these comments are positive, since cakers are pretty easy to please. After all, if most of your recipes start with “Empty contents of can,” your culinary arrow ain’t pointing high. Up until recently, I’d never come across a negative comment.

Then I found this recipe for Cherry Pudding in the London Newcomers’ Cook Book. “This is terrible," the handwriting screamed. “The soda is overwhelming!”

Naturally, my caker curiosity got the better of me. The comment was a little harsh. A teaspoon of baking soda didn’t seem like an “overwhelming” amount. So was Cherry Pudding really that bad?

Uh, yep.

I’ve eaten a lot of crap in my day, but this was among the crappiest. It was dry and crunchy. Plus, I was so overwhelmed by the baking soda, I passed out on the kitchen floor and woke up the next day. I wondered if an ingredient got omitted, but the recipe says “it's very dry.” So who knows? If anyone has a theory, let me know.

In the meantime, I’m adding my own comment to the page: “Tell it like it is, caker sister!”

To see some of the things I've found inside my cookbooks, check out the new Between the Pages section.

1 cup drained cherries (frozen sour are best) (See note)
1 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1 egg slightly beaten
1 teaspoon soda
¼ teaspoon salt

Mix together (it’s very dry). Bake in 9” x 9” greased pan about 40 minutes at 350/375° oven. Serve warm or cold [Editor’s note: won’t help], top with ice cream [Editor’s note: won’t help], whipped cream [Editor’s note: won’t help] or thickened cherry juice [Editor’s note: won’t help].

Note: I couldn’t find frozen cherries, so I used cranberries instead. Not that it matters. Please don’t make this. Ever.

Here's the page. This woman speaks the goddamned truth.



Source: London Newcomers' Cook Book

Eat More..More...More....

When I was growing up, chocolate bars fell into three categories: old person, quality and quantity.

I wouldn’t touch an old person chocolate bar unless I was suffering from extremely low blood sugar. These included Big Turk, Coffee Crisp, Cadbury Fruit & Nut, York Peppermint Patty and Lowry’s Cherry Blossom.

Quality bars were on the small side and more about overall taste satisfaction. But since I didn't give a crap about quality, I usually bypassed these bars, as well. Quality chocolate bars included Snickers, Mars, Crispy Crunch, Skor and Caramilk.

The quantity category bars, however, were all about how much sugar bang you could get for your buck. These bars were about the satisfaction of walking out of the convenience store with a chocolate 2x4 in your hand.  Needless to say, quantity bars reigned supreme for me. These included Mr. Big, Oh Henry, Sweet Marie and Eat More.

Eat More was a good choice when I was looking to spend a chunk of my Saturday afternoon gnawing on something. This homemade version tastes pretty close to the original. In fact, many taste testers told me it was better − after they finished chewing, that is.

This recipe comes from a Best of Bridge cookbook, a successful Canadian cookbook series that always mystified me. Why? See the photo below.

¾ cup honey
1 cup peanut butter
10 regular-sized marshmallows
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup peanuts
3 cups Rice Krispies

In a large pot, bring honey and peanut butter to a boil over medium heat. Stir constantly. Add
marshmallows and chocolate chips, stirring until melted. Remove from heat and stir in peanuts and Rice
Krispies. Press into a 9” x 13” pan. Cool and be ready to eat…more!

Source: That’s Trump: More Recipes from The Best of Bridge











These are The Best of Bridge ladies. What's going on here? A cult? A sale at Fabricland? A Holly Hobby convention? I'm so confused.

Church Lady Casserole Challenge

Recently, I was asked participate in a Church Lady Casserole Challenge with four other food bloggers: Mimi makes vintage Weight Watchers recipes, Retro Ruth blogs about all things mid-century, Yinzerella dishes up recipes from a plastic, guacamole-coloured box and Erica tests out retro recipes. We all dug deep into our collections and passed along a recipe for someone else to make.
I got stuck with the super-exciting-sounding “Potato Casserole,” courtesy of Mimi. Look, I’m the last one to throw stones at anyone’s culinary habits, but come on. How good could a potato, white bread and Velveeta casserole be? Besides, I’d already featured Schwartzies Hash Browns on the blog and if anyone knows cheesy potato goodness, it’s cakers. Right? 
Wrong.
Fellow cakers, we have been beaten. Potato Casserole kicks Schwartzies’ ass to the curb. This is simply the best potato casserole I’ve ever tasted. It's like I fell in love with it. When I was away from it, I couldn't wait to get back to it. I put it under my pillow at night. I even considered dating it, but that’s a whole other blog post.
Just do yourself a favour and put Potato Casserole on your bucket list. You won't regret it. So long as it's not thong season, m'kay?

Check out the other casserole recipes made by my lovely colleagues:

Lazy Bride’s Dish (made by Erica)
Anything Anytime Casserole (made by Mimi)
Sausage Apple Noodle Casserole (made by Ruth)
Cock-A-Doodle Casserole (made by Yinzerella)

Any guesses which casserole was the one I submitted? 
Just look at all the burnt cheesy goodness.Potato Casserole
10 medium or 8 large potatoes, peeled, diced and cooked1 large onion, chopped4 slices fresh white bread, cubed½ pound Velveeta cheese, diced (half the box)1 tablespoon salt¼ teaspoon pepper2 tablespoons parsley flakes
Mix all together and put in 9” x 13” pan. Melt 1 cup margarine in 1 cup milk. Pour over potato mixture and cover with foil. Refrigerate overnight. Sprinkle with 1 cup crushed Corn Flakes or Ritz crackers before baking. Bake at 375° uncovered for 45 minutes. Serve hot.


Source: Our Best Home Cooking, Polish Civic Hall Association of Pittsburgh

Sweet and Sour Meatballs

In my second instalment of Writers Cooking Caker, I’ve asked first-time novelist Grace O’Connell to step away from her quill and ink jar and into the kitchen. Grace is the author of Magnified World, a haunting and magical story about a young woman coming to terms with her mother's death.

Now, let it be known that cakers love their balls. Already on this blog, I’ve featured Rice Krispies Golf Balls, Porcupine Meatballs, Snowballs and Dancing Mothballs – although in these health-conscious days, most cakers are trying to cut back on their mothball intake.

In this recipe, the best of both worlds – sweet and sour – come together as beautifully as a Barbra and Neil duet.  Best of all, you can pour this sauce over anything: rice, hot dogs, Cool Whip. I even dabbed a little behind my ears.

Here’s Grace’s recipe in her own words:

The meatballs are made with ground beef, egg, breadcrumbs, parmesan cheese, etc. and baked in the oven. Pretty standard. The sweet and sour sauce though, is pure caker:

1/2 cup ketchup (yep, that's the first ingredient for this exotic wonder)
1/2 cup white vinegar
3/4 cup water
2 tablespoons lemon juice (from a lemon-shaped bottle, preferably)
1 cup white sugar (it's what's for dinner)

Combine the above ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 2-3 minutes. Dissolve 3 tablespoons cornstarch in 1/4 cup cold water. Stir that mixture into the sauce. Cook gently and stir until thick and clear (It should be kind of goopy, but also smooth. If that makes sense. Viscous? Is that the word?). [Editor’s note: I don’t understand most words over two syllables.]

Pour it over your meatballs, add some Uncle Ben’s rice and you've got a classic caker dinner.

You certainly do, Grace. And your sweet and sour sauce made my eyes roll back in my head. 'Nuf said. Catch Grace and her Writers Cooking Caker alumna, Dani Couture, at Toronto's Word on the Street Festival this Sunday, September 23.

About Magnified World

What's a girl supposed to do after her mother kills herself by walking into the Don River with her pockets full of unpolished zircon stones? Maggie removes the zircon stones from the inventory of the family's New Age shop and opens up for another day of business. Then her blackouts begin, as do the visits from a mysterious customer who offers help for Maggie's blackouts and her project of investigating her mother's past in the American South. Is Maggie breaking down in the way her mother did, or is her "madness" a distinctive show of grief? Nobody really knows, not her father, her boyfriend or her psychiatrist, and especially not Maggie, who has to make some crazy decisions in order to work to feel sane again. A vivid look at the various confusions that can set in after a trauma and an insightful, gently funny portrait of a woman in her early twenties, especially relatable to readers who grew up in the eighties and nineties, Magnified World dramatizes the battle between the head and the heart and the limitations of both in unlocking something as complicated as loss.

More info.

Apple Head Doll Competition

Image courtesy of appledolls.orgOh, autumn!

It's the favourite time of year for cakers. It means hand-knit acrylic sweaters, church bazaars, Stove Top Stuffing, and, of course, apples. But since cakers don’t eat apples (at least not in our pies), we make crafts with them.

Announcing the first (and probably last) 
Caker Cooking 
Apple Head Doll Competition! 

Simply make an apple head doll and email me the photo when it’s all dried up and wrinkly. I’ll post all the photos on Caker Cooking in late October and the public will vote the winner.

Note: the apple head dolls will be judged only on their heads, not their bodies. 


The winner will receive a gift pack of four fantastic cookbooks from the friendly folks at Random House Canada, including Marshmallow Madness, Tiny Food Party, Real Snacks and Little Old Lady Recipes.







What’s involved in making an apple head doll? 
Well, an apple. And a knife. And a little time to dry out. Check out appledolls.org for step-by-step instructions on how to make one and to see some samples. I’ve also created an apple head doll Pinterest board to get your creative (apple) juices flowing.

If you’d like to participate (and, really, why let all those good apples go to waste?) simply email cakercooking at gmail dot com no later than Sunday, Sept. 23 at midnight to say “Count me in!” Then I’ll email you back with all the specifics. And although I probably won't get this many, I'm going to cap it off at 25 participants.

Yes, there are rules and regulations, so please read over those.

I'll be making an apple head doll, too. But I won't be in the competition. I wouldn't win, anyway. I'll be lucky if mine even looks human. But I'll document the progress of my apple head so you can follow the train wreck magical transformation of my apple.

Good luck!

Impossible Taco Pie

By now, I’ve featured two other "impossible" pies on Caker Cooking. The first was Impossible Tuna Pie, which was, in fact, possible, so long as you had a box of Bisquick and a blender. The second was Impossible Pie, which was also possible, so long as you had Bisquick and a blen…Hey. Wait a minute. I think I just made a connection. Give me a few days to think it through.

In the meantime, please enjoy a grande helping of this delicious Impossible Taco Pie. Based on my extensive cookbook research, it seems that cakers love Mexican food more than any other. (See Taco Casserole for further proof.) I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s our passion for iceberg lettuce. Or all things corn. Or that we hang sombreros as décor in our rec rooms. Or maybe it’s simply our revenge on the Italians for labeling us “mangiacakes” in the first place.

Oh, who cares? The bottom line is that this pie is filling, flavourful and goes perfectly when served with a (pre-mixed) margarita. Muchos gracias, Mexico!

1 pound ground beef
½ cup chopped onion
1 envelope taco seasoning mix
1 ¼ cups milk
¾ cup Bisquick baking mix
3 eggs
2 tomatoes sliced (see note)
1 cup shredded old cheddar cheese

Heat oven to 400º. Grease 10 inch quiche pan or large-sized pie plate (10 x 1 ½ inches). Cook and stir beef and onion over medium heat until beef is browned. Drain. Stir in seasoning well. Spread into pan. Beat milk, baking mix and eggs until smooth, 15 seconds in blender on high or 1 minute with hand beater. Pour into plate. Bake for 25 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake until knife inserted between centre and edge comes out clean, 8 to 10 minutes longer. Cool for 5 minutes. Serve with sour cream, chopped tomatoes and shredded lettuce, if desired.

Note: The recipe doesn’t say what to do with the sliced tomatoes, so I added those when I put the cheese on.

Source: Belleville Shrine Club

Caker Cooking on CBC!

Since my interview on CBC Radio's The Next Chapter, the caker floodgates have opened. It's been great to hear from so many of you. Thanks for your comments and recipes.  I've posted only the tip o' the caker iceberg when it comes to recipes, so there's plenty more to come. Whether you perceive that as a positive or a negative is up to you.

Just a reminder that a new recipe is posted every Monday.

If you missed the interview, you can check it out here.

Caker Cooking Contest Winners!

A couple weeks back, I posted my first-ever Caker Cooking contest. Readers were eligible to win a copy of my recently-released paperback, Natural Order, and a handwritten caker recipe that has yet to appear on this blog!  Bob Barker has nothing on me. 
Five winners were selected at random. I’ve posted their names, along with the recipe they’re getting and where it came from. Suffice to say, five people are pinching themselves right now.
Thanks to everyone who entered – and happy cakering.
Brian


Winner 1: Mary P.Recipe: Cherries in the SnowFrom: With Hearts that Care and Hands that Serve, Outlook and District Volunteer Services
There's something kinda dirty about the name of this dish, but I won't dwell on it.





Winner 2: Luisa C.Recipe: Creme de Menthe BallsFrom: From Our Kitchens....With Love, Glen Ayr United Church Women
There's something kinda...well, I won't dwell on it.







Winner 3: Jen W. Recipe: Luscious Rum GateauFrom: Guess What's Coming for Dinner, 1977, Mothers and Others
Truthfully, I'd rather not know "what's" coming for dinner.







Winner 4: Tanis M.Recipe: Chuck Wagon CasseroleFrom: Simple 'n' Special, St. Paul's United Church
"Simple 'n' special" pretty much sums up my life philosophy.







Winner 4: Mimi
Recipe: Pink Thing 
From: London Newcomers' Cook Book
I can't remember the last time someone served me Pink Thing, it's been that long.