Brian Francis's Blog, page 26

Twinkie Cake

I photographed this from the bottom to showcase all the Twinkie goodness.We interrupt “Stuff Made with Cereal” month (again) with a special news bulletin.

Last week, there was some very distressing news for cakers across North America when Hostess announced it’s going out of business.

Needless to say, the possibility of living in a Twinkie-less world scares the crap out of me, so I had no other choice but to clear out my local grocery store in preparation for Twinkie Armageddon. (If anyone’s interested, I’ve got a garage full of them and they’re ten twenty fifty one hundred bucks a box. Firm.)

This delectable Twinkie Cake comes from Caker Cooking reader Bob. Bob's responsible for providing me the recipes for such delicacies as Tang Pie and Tater Tot Casserole. It seemed only fitting to post Bob's Twinkie Cake this week. Will this be the last time anyone ever makes a Twinkie cake? Is this really a sign that the Mayan calendar is right? Only time will tell. In the meantime, eat. For the love of god, hurry up and EAT!!!

Thanks, Bob!

1 box Twinkies
1 can crushed pineapple
Bananas (sliced)
1 instant vanilla pudding (made according to package directions)
1 Cool Whip

Slice each Twinkie in half (down through the middle). Line 9x13 pan with Twinkies. Cover Twinkies with sliced bananas. Put pineapple on top of bananas. Spread pudding on top of pineapple. Top with Cool Whip. Chill.


Source: Cooking with Good Judgment

Caker Fail: Carol's Girdle Busters

We interrupt "Stuff Made with Cereal" month with a tale on how not to be stupid-like.

By now, I think we can all agree that I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed. But every now and then, my dumbness manages to find another floor down.

Recently, I came across a recipe called Carol’s Girdle Busters. Naturally, I had to make them. Any recipe with “Carol” and “girdle” in the name is like a Kmart Blue Light Special flashing in my brain. But halfway through making them, something seemed vaguely familiar. Then I realized – I’d already made them. Three months ago.

At the time, they were called Peanut Butter Gems, so maybe my confusion is understandable. But aside from the names, both recipes are pretty much the same.

Carol’s recipe follows. The Peanut Butter Gems recipe is here. Whatever version you make is up to you. And if you feel like calling them Carol’s Peanut Girdle Gem Busters, well, you go right ahead. I'm the last person to judge.

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup butter
1 ¾ cup graham cracker crumbs
2 cups icing sugar
1 ½ cups chocolate chips
¼ cup butter

Melt butter and peanut butter together. Take off heat and add graham cracker crumbs and icing sugar. Press firmly into 9x9 pan. Melt chocolate chips with butter. Mix until smooth. Pour and spread chocolate over crumb crust. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.

Source: Centennial Central School Cook Book, Arva Ontario, 1995

Puffed Wheat Cake

Last week I did Cheerio Chews. This week I’m doing Puffed Wheat Cake. I’m sensing a trend here. So I’m officially christening November as “Stuff Made with Cereal” month. Folks, you heard it here first.

For those of you not familiar with puffed wheat, there are two important facts you need to know: 1) it comes in a bag the size of a pillowcase, and 2) you can use it as packing material.

My mom used to make Puffed Wheat Cake (a.k.a. Puffed Wheat Squares) for my dad because it’s a delicacy mainly enjoyed by prairie cakers. (My dad was from Saskatchewan.) As a kid, my relationship with Puffed Wheat Cake was a conflicted one. On the one hand, it didn’t taste all that great (a bit like Styrofoam), but on the other hand, the Styrofoam was sweet. So you can imagine my sleepless nights.

If you make this, try to eat it right away. After a day or so, it gets all chewy and falls apart. Or you can do what I did − put the pieces in a bowl, add milk and enjoy some homemade Sugar Crisp.

Thanks to puffed wheat aficionados Jeanne, Alexis, Tanis and Mojogrrl for encouraging me on my return journey down puffed wheat lane. A big piece is being shipped to you, packed in − what else? − puffed wheat.

Mix in pan
1/2 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup syrup (See note)
Bring to boil. Add 8 cups puffed wheat. Pat down in greased pan.

Note: Corn syrup

UPDATE: Some people prefer Choclit Puffed Wheat Squares. Here's an alternate recipe.


Source: Handwritten recipe card

Cheerio Chews

Oh, glorious November! The leaves have been stripped from the trees, it’s dark by 5pm and I’m in track pants thanks to the mini Coffee Crisps left over from Halloween. If there’s one bright spot in all this gloom and despair, it’s that November is also the month for church Christmas bazaars.
If you haven’t been to a church bazaar, I feel sorry for you because they’re great. A bazaar is like a garage sale, bakery, coffee shop, Danielle Steel paperback store and macramé convention all rolled into one. Every Saturday morning for the next few weeks, you’ll find me in a church basement, asking a senior woman wearing a beaded eyeglass string, “Do these knitted slippers come in monochromatic colours?” 
I guarantee you’ll find these delicious Cheerio Chews on a bazaar bake table, alongside chocolate haystacks, mini butter tarts and shortbread cookies with bits of maraschino cherries on top. And because these chews have Cheerios in them, they help fight cholesterol. So they’re healthy. And while we're on the subject of lies, Coffee Crisp prevents cancer.
½ package caramels (24)2 tablespoons water
Melt in double boiler. Add ¼ cup peanut butter and stir until mixed together. Remove from heat and add 1 ½ cups Cheerios. Drop by teaspoon on waxed paper (See note 1). Put M&M candy in centre (See note 2).

Note 1: These are pretty sticky, so there may be some pieces of waxed paper on the bottom. Don't worry about ingesting it. Waxed paper passes pretty easily. Trust me on this one.

Note 2: I didn't.
Source: Handwritten recipe card
This is my mother’s handwriting. Apparently, she thinks those little round things are called "cherrios."

Apple Head Doll Winner!

Congratulations to Norbert "Bert" Birdie, winner of Caker Cooking's Apple Head Doll contest!

Bert walked away with 49% of the votes and has won himself a collection of cookbooks from Random House Canada!
Thanks to Honey Boo Boo, Monsieur Pépin, Josh Romney, Bea Leach, Maroushka and Mr. Smith, and their creators, for doing such a great job. 
What caker craft contest is next? Latch hook rugging? Corn husk dolls? Walnut shell mice? The possibilities are endless!

Apple Head Doll Competition

Hello, internet people. I'm Mildred. The caker fellow asked me if I'd host his Apple Head Doll contest because he's too busy cooking something grey.

Below you'll find some new friends of mine and it's up to YOU to pick the winner. Voting will close next Sunday, November 4 at 11pm and the winner will be announced on Monday, November 5.

The grand prize winner will receive a delicious collection of cookbooks from Random House Canada.

In the top right corner of the blog, you'll see a list of the apple head doll names. Simply vote for your favourite. You can vote as many times as you like and also for more than one apple head doll.

May the best head win! I'm off to have a piece of Gumdrop Cake.

Mildred

1) Honey Boo Boo
Note from the apple artiste: Mine is called Honey Boo Boo because it was made from a honey crisp apple and it sucked.




















2) Norbert "Bert" Birdie
Note from the apple artiste: A simple man in simpler times. Norbert "Bert" Birdie was a timeless classic even in his day. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him. Cool, self assured and in control. "Work hard, play hard." was his motto. He died of liver failure in 1947.












3) Monsieur Pépin
Note from the apple artiste: This is his mug shot after a particularly long afternoon at the café. He's tired and a little achy. But he's still sporting his beret.




















4) Josh Romney
Note from the apple artiste: To see the real one, click here.
















5) Bea Leach
Note from the apple artiste: Extreme premature aging (from tanning with baby oil and tin foil back in the 70s) disintegrated Bea's head. Wear sunscreen, folks.
















6) Maroushka 
Note from the apple artiste: She has something of the gypsy about her, so I think her name is appropriate.
















7) Mr. Smith
Note from the apple artiste: In an attempt to speed up the drying process, I used my oven, on low heat. It seemed to be working until my betrothed turned on the oven to make chicken fingers and ended up baking my apple head.















The grand prize winner will receive the following books:

Marshmallow Madness











Tiny Food Party!











Real Snacks











Little Old Lady Recipes

Caker Sharing is Caker Caring: Pink Thing

Awhile back, I gave Caker Cooking readers the chance to win a copy of my novel, Natural Order , along with a handwritten caker recipe. I had two a lot of entries and fellow blogger Mimi was one of the winners. The recipe I selected for her was called "Pink Thing."

Mimi, being the good sport she is, recently made Pink Thing and posted the recipe and results on her own blog, 1972: The Retro WW Experiment. I think Mimi will agree with me when I say there's nothing better than a good serving of Pink Thing.

In addition to Mimi’s post, another blogger, Lisa, posted the results of her own caker cooking experiment on her blog, Beyond the Fringes. She made something called "Green Cake" which doesn't look like much of a cake, but at least it's green. Or sea foamy.

Speaking of contests, check out Caker Cooking on Monday when the finalists in my first-ever Apple Head competition are revealed! The winner will be decided by YOU, so don’t forget to cast your vote. And let me tell you – based on the entries I've received so far, the competition is going to be fierce.

See you Monday.

Cabbage Roll Casserole

Good lord, cabbage stinks. I don’t care if it’s fried, pickled or boiled, the only thing more heinous than the smell of cabbage is the labour that goes into making cabbage rolls. Don’t get me wrong – I love cabbage rolls just as much as the next caker.  But I’m a busy person. I have cereal box mazes to complete and artificial ferns to dust and jazzercise class once a month, etcetera, etcetera.  I’m lucky if I find the time to celebrate the moments of my life with a cup of General Foods International Coffee Sugar-Free Suisse Mocha.

That’s why this casserole is a godsend for cakers like me. It combines all the taste of cabbage rolls with absolutely none of the work. (If you’re feeling a little too lazy, you can toss in a toothpick or two so your guests have something to accidentally pierce their upper palates with.)

I made this for my mom awhile back and she raved about it. (Of course, this is also a woman who has pepper in her shaker that’s older than me.) Serve with a dollop of sour cream and you’re in cabbage roll heaven. Just leave the windows open.

1 pound ground beef
1 tablespoon cooking oil
1 chopped onion
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3 tablespoons rice
1 10 ounce can tomato soup
1 can water
3 cups coarsely chopped cabbage

In large frying pan, sear beef in oil 1 minute. Add onion, seasonings and rice. Saute 2 to 3 minutes. Add soup and water. Mix well. Turn cabbage into greased casserole. Pour meat mixture over cabbage. Do not stir. Bake covered for 1½ hours at 325º.

Source: 3H Club 1969 Cookbook

Easy Peasy Cherry Pie

Let’s face it – we cakers are a deceitful bunch. In my third instalment of Writers Cooking Caker, Helen Wainman recounts a story about an elderly caker (they’re the worst ones) who managed to fool the entire world. Okay. Maybe just a television producer.

Helen is the author of The Rabbit Hole Monologues, which chronicles her battle with breast cancer. I met her at a benefit for Wellspring London a few years back. When bad things happen to people, they either retreat inwards or reach out. Lucky for us, Helen reached out. The Rabbit Hole Monologues is tender, funny, touching and raw.

Here’s Helen's (sour) cherry pie story:

Many years ago, I produced features for a morning TV show. We were always on the lookout for entertaining, heart-warming stories and heard of an elderly woman who lived in one of the small communities surrounding Lake Erie. We were told she was an elderly widow who spent her time making homemade pies for all the truck stops that lined Highway 401.

How much more heartwarming can you get? So we set off one morning to do the story. We arrived at her apartment and she was as sweet as we expected. We entered the apartment, expecting to see flour on the counters, bowls full of dough, pots on the stove bubbling with fruits ready to scoop into pie shells. But there was no evidence of any pie baking.

“Could we show you baking some pies?” I asked.

“Is that what you want, dear?”

She then opened a freezer adjacent to her counter and pulled out six aluminium containers, each one holding a brand-name frozen pie crust.

Okay. I could understand that. You can’t have everything. A ready-to-bake bottom crust would make it easier for her to make so many pies.

I continued, still hopeful: “Can we see you adding the pie filling?” I was convinced I would finally see homemade pie filling that had taken hours to make. She opened her cupboard doors – and all we could see were dozens and dozens of cans of E.D. Smith cherry pie filling. She grabbed several, went to her electric can opener and opened each can.

Galurgh. Galurgh. Galurgh.

We watched as the bright red, gelatinous goo slowly eased its way out of each tin. Six cans in all. Dumped into six pie crusts. It took seconds.

By this time, the cameraman and I couldn’t look at each other. We couldn’t speak.  But I tried again. 

“How do you top the pies? I hear you make lattice tops to cover them.”

Up went the freezer lid again. Out they came. Six store-bought frozen lattice tops. We were stunned. There was no visual and we didn’t have a story. “Port Stanley Pie Lady” would be a story all right but it would be told around a dinner table for years to come.  To be fair, the sweet old lady never claimed to make homemade pies. But at least we ended up with a recipe for Easy Peasy Cherry Pie.

Here's the recipe, folks. It don't get much easier than this. Thanks, Helen!

2 frozen pie crusts
1 tin E.D. Smith Cherry Pie filling

Place bottom of pie crust in pie dish. Aluminium will do. Dump pie filling in crust. Put second pie crust on top. Bake at whatever temperature pie crust people tell you to use.

[image error] About The Rabbit Hole Monologues:
The Rabbit Hole Monologues are staged readings for anyone touched by cancer. We are a group of actresses committed to storytelling and outreach. One of our members wrote a series of monologues after breast cancer treatment. There is humour and there is hope. Our mission statement is simple: To laugh….To cry….To think….To talk.

Visit the website.

Painful Turds

For me, there’s nothing more delightful than turning to my guests at the end of a meal and asking, "Who's up for a Painful Turd?"

As soon as the question leaves my lips, my guests practically rise out of their chairs in anticipation. (Or is that the result of broccoli backwind?) In any case, Painful Turds are as much a part of caker culture as−

Okay, okay. They’re not called Painful Turds. I made that up. They’re really called Chow Mein Noodles Chipit Crunchies. But my name is just so much more…visually appropriate, don’t you think?

Don’t let appearances fool you, though. These delicious drops have been a popular fixture at caker bake sales for years. And they're as easy to make as JELL-O. Just make sure you use the crunchy chow mein noodles and not the soft kind. After all, no one likes a soggy turd.

12 ounces chocolate chips
12 ounces butterscotch chips
2 cups peanuts
2 cups chow mein noodles

Melt chocolate and butterscotch chips slowly in pan. Stir, then add noodles and peanuts. Mix thoroughly, then drop by spoonful on waxed paper. Chill, then pack in sealed container.

Source: Birr United Church Treasured Recipes