Edward Lorn's Blog, page 71
May 31, 2015
Congratulations to the Winners of the FOG WARNING Giveaway!
Let’s have a round of virtual applause for Passionate about Books, dellen38, and Bark’s Book Nonsense! These three individuals all won a copy of Fog Warning, written by Edward Lorn (that’s moi) and narrated by Kevin R. Tracy (that’s not moi).
Congratulations, ladies and gentleman, I hope you enjoy it. :)
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1177234/congratulations-to-the-winners-of-the-fog-warning-giveaway
May 30, 2015
Thank you
You guys are awesome. This is a dream come true.
It’s still on sale HERE.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1176792/thank-you
LIFE AFTER DANE on sale for $0.99!
The lovely folks over at Red Adept Publishing have decided to discount what remains my favorite out of all my work, Life After Dane. Yes, I like it even more than Cruelty. For the time being, the price has dropped from $5.99 to to $0.99.
If you already have it, give it a read and let me know what you think. If you don’t have it, what’s a dollar between friends? If you’re not interested, don’t buy it, because that would be just silly. But seriously, if you like horror books that are something more than simply blood on every page, give it a try. I had something important to say with this one, and I think I nailed it.
Share anywhere you like. Thanks for the support.
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1176515/life-after-dane-on-sale-for-0-99
May 29, 2015
Book Porn #9 UBS Haul!
The Fam and I dropped by our local used bookstore today, and I grabbed the following. I would have taken pictures of the wife and kids’ hauls but they’re busy reading them. :)
I’m really looking forward to reading the three on the bottom.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1176249/book-porn-9-ubs-haul
Ape House DNF Review
Review: 
DNF @ 203 pages out of 306. I’m only rating it because I made it over halfway. The ending could blow my mind, and I still couldn’t forgive its bloated-ass middle.
Do you know how fucking boring a book has to be for me to put it down past the halfway point? The past fifty pages have been nothing but he went here and did this and people explaining why the show is failing. All my fucks are bottle up and nary a drop to drink.
Everything interesting in this book is described better in the synopsis than in the actual book. Better that you should imagine how cool a book about a reality show involving sexually adventurous great apes would be than to actually read this tedious piece of author masturbation. Loads and loads of character descriptions about people not essential to the scene much less the plot. Loads of food porn and exposition. Not even in the same country as Gruen’s first novel, Water for Elephants. This book is in Bullshitistan, bordering on Fucksville, population zero.
On top of all that, not one of the characters is likable to the point I want to see them succeed or dislikable to the point where I want something bad to happen to them. The best part of the book is the apes, but they’ve only have 20-maybe-30 pages of screen time, as it were.
In summation: I’m done. The second chapter was damn well written, and then it was all downhill after that. This book writes so many checks the author cannot cash. Great concept ruined by meandering prose from someone who obviously likes to read her own rambling thoughts. This one’s getting traded in.
Final Judgment: I’d rather go to the zoo and have apes fling shit and semen in my face.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1176131/ape-house-dnf-review
May 28, 2015
Zombeavers Movie Review
Review:
The poster above, which I found on Google Images, sums up this movie just swell, but I’m going to give my thoughts anyway.
Zombeavers is a one-trick pony with a broken leg. It’s one trick is the titular undead dam-builders, and its broken leg is the horri-bad cast. Where the hell did they get these actors? Burger King? Sam’s Club? Porn Hub? Not even Zeke from Disney XD’s Zeke and Luther could save this pile of offal.
I get it. Zombeavers is a horror spoof whose main draw is supposed to be that it doesn’t take itself seriously. I understand it’s suppose to be a comedy, but so was Movie 44, and we all know how awful that movie was. The movie is never really entertaining. In fact, the most fun I had with the film was the bloopers at the end, but that’s kinda like saying the best thing about your buddy is when he leaves the party and you get to make fun of him behind his back. The Whack-A-Mole sequence almost made me laugh. Almost. I think I cracked a smile, but then I remembered how terrible the rest of the movie was and that meager smile died. The movie even managed to make Bill Burr unfunny. Do you know how badly you have to suck to make Bill Burr unfunny? Shame on you, Movie. Shame. On. You.
In summation: My wife tried to watch this with me, but decided to join my son in watching Power Rangers Samurai, because, when it comes to her entertainment, she has better standards than I do.
Final Judgment: Slightly more fun than having your genitals bitten off by an aquatic mammal.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1175909/zombeavers-movie-review
The only thing good to come out of the Fifty Shades of Gr...
The only thing good to come out of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1175815/post
May 27, 2015
Avengers: Age of Ultron Mini Movie Review
Review:
Listen, either you’ve seen this, are going to see it, or don’t give a single shit about it. My opinion probably will not change that. I shall be quick and not bore you.
This is, to date, the best superhero movie I’ve seen. It dares to development much-loved characters into complex persons. Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanov’s arcs are especially deep. I was pleased with this.
I watched this a week ago and sat on my review until I was sure that my feelings were concrete. Avengers: Age of Ultron is as exciting and thrilling as it is thought-provoking and full of heart.
In summation: Avengers: Age of Ultron dares to be more than explosions and fight scenes, and I feel it succeeds on all fronts. Highly recommended.
Final Judgment: This movie has The Vision it deserves.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1174573/avengers-age-of-ultron-mini-movie-review
May 26, 2015
Reading progress update: I’ve read 1 out of 306 pages.
I want everyone reading this to go check out the Look Inside of this book on Amazon, or wherever you frequent or buy books.
Now, look for the epigrah, that’s the quotes at the beginning of the book.
I’ll be laughing at that for a while.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1174126/reading-progress-update-i-ve-read-1-out-of-306-pages
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