C.K. Edwards's Blog, page 16
November 11, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - if wishes were fishes
I don't know anyone who would wish for a fish if a genie popped out of a bottle and gave him or her three wishes.
Even if the "I wish for a million wishes" wish was on the table, I don't think a fish wish would ever come into play.
Think about it. Sushi is great and all, and inarizushi is even better because it's deep fried, but to waste a whole wish on it?
By the by, I could totally kiss the guy who invented inarizushi. Or girl. I guess it could have been a girl. I don't want to fall prey to sexism. A girl could have invented inarizushi because of course it has that tofu crap in it, but my money's on it being a guy. I mean, sure it's tofu, but then you deep fry it. That has guy written all over it.
But back to the genie, I wonder what he would even do if you wished for a fish? I'm thinking it would probably piss him off. Isn't there some clause in the genie code of ethics that allows a genie to turn you into shower curtain mold or a piece of Brach's candy if you wish for a fish? Seems like I read that once.
Not to put any pressure on you.
If wishes were fishes . . . eh.
Even if the "I wish for a million wishes" wish was on the table, I don't think a fish wish would ever come into play.
Think about it. Sushi is great and all, and inarizushi is even better because it's deep fried, but to waste a whole wish on it?
By the by, I could totally kiss the guy who invented inarizushi. Or girl. I guess it could have been a girl. I don't want to fall prey to sexism. A girl could have invented inarizushi because of course it has that tofu crap in it, but my money's on it being a guy. I mean, sure it's tofu, but then you deep fry it. That has guy written all over it.
But back to the genie, I wonder what he would even do if you wished for a fish? I'm thinking it would probably piss him off. Isn't there some clause in the genie code of ethics that allows a genie to turn you into shower curtain mold or a piece of Brach's candy if you wish for a fish? Seems like I read that once.
Not to put any pressure on you.
If wishes were fishes . . . eh.
November 4, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - the habits of highly effective people
I'm on the train again and I'm watching this guy standing by the door. He's reading a book about highly effective people but first off I notice he's not standing on the friction tape. Now to me, that doesn't seem like an effective way of standing on a train.
Maybe the guy just barely started the book.
When I think of friction tape I'm almost always transported back in memory to that time in WWII when my best pal Joey and I were hunkered down in a fox hole and that dog with one leg delivered the message from General MacArthur about Joey's girlfriend, how she was touring with the USO and her plane went down and Joey was afraid he'd never see her again. Call me shallow, but when Joey was reading the letter all I could think about was how much I hated K-rations.
I don't know why friction tapes reminds of that. Maybe because back then people were less safety conscious than they are now.
I sure hope that guy finishes his book soon.
The habits of highly effective people . . . eh.
Maybe the guy just barely started the book.
When I think of friction tape I'm almost always transported back in memory to that time in WWII when my best pal Joey and I were hunkered down in a fox hole and that dog with one leg delivered the message from General MacArthur about Joey's girlfriend, how she was touring with the USO and her plane went down and Joey was afraid he'd never see her again. Call me shallow, but when Joey was reading the letter all I could think about was how much I hated K-rations.
I don't know why friction tapes reminds of that. Maybe because back then people were less safety conscious than they are now.
I sure hope that guy finishes his book soon.
The habits of highly effective people . . . eh.
October 30, 2014
That orange tape measure
There was that dream where I had an orange tape measure and I liked going around measuring the property lines of neighbors' yards and then telling them the results and it was surprising that Wes Craven cared so much about a 3/4" difference on the south side of his front yard, and it was even more surprising that I didn't think it was weird that Wes Craven was my neighbor but I went ahead and measured the boat dock out back where those teenagers disappeared last summer and Wes told me not to tell anyone but he said the teenagers were dead because they had sex.
October 28, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - there's that guy with the whipcow again
I'm riding the train and there's that guy with the whipcow again.
By me using the word whipcow, you might assume I got that job I mentioned earlier. And you'd be right. I actually did have that job for a few days.
The pay was decent and my boss was nice, but the first day by the water cooler I threw out for a topic of conversation the Third Punic War and it's impact by Rome on the Mediterranean. No one was interested.
Now who can work under conditions like that?
There's that guy with the whipcow again . . . eh.
By me using the word whipcow, you might assume I got that job I mentioned earlier. And you'd be right. I actually did have that job for a few days.
The pay was decent and my boss was nice, but the first day by the water cooler I threw out for a topic of conversation the Third Punic War and it's impact by Rome on the Mediterranean. No one was interested.
Now who can work under conditions like that?
There's that guy with the whipcow again . . . eh.
October 24, 2014
Solar panels
There was that dream where solar panels became an economically feasible form of power production because their upfront cost was dropped to a nickel and a carton of peaches but I didn't thin the peaches in my tree early in the year so most of the branches broke off and I was left with only one peach but it was frickin' huge and instead of buying solar panels I entered the county fair and won the blue ribbon but the picture of me in the paper was awful because I didn't have power for my hair dryer.
October 20, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - whenever I get a manicure
That's one way I could start a post if I ever got a manicure. I've never had a manicure though.
That guy across from me on the train has. And he's not really the kind you would expect to have nice fingernails. He's kind of scruffy and he's wearing a hat that's kind of a cross between a cowboy hat and an Indiana Jones fedora.
What do they call those kinds of hats?
And speaking of "they," how do you even get a job where you are the "they" who gets to come up with the name for a hat that's a cross between a cowboy hat and an Indiana Jones fedora?
I totally want that job. I'd call that guy's hat a whipcow.
Whenever I get a manicure. . . eh.
That guy across from me on the train has. And he's not really the kind you would expect to have nice fingernails. He's kind of scruffy and he's wearing a hat that's kind of a cross between a cowboy hat and an Indiana Jones fedora.
What do they call those kinds of hats?
And speaking of "they," how do you even get a job where you are the "they" who gets to come up with the name for a hat that's a cross between a cowboy hat and an Indiana Jones fedora?
I totally want that job. I'd call that guy's hat a whipcow.
Whenever I get a manicure. . . eh.
October 13, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - I always play the girl in video games
It occurred to me the other day that I always play the girl in video games.
Not really sure what that says about my inner child.
Do I have a latent need to accessorize more than I do? That's the only thing I can think of that makes sense. My wife buys most of my clothes and I usually put on whatever's the least wrinkled in my closet. So, yeah, there's probably some part of me that wants to be more involved in matching my belt to my socks.
Strange how something like a need to accessorize can manifest itself in a desire to virtually strap on tight leather clothes and shoot monsters and bad guys with a sniper rifle. Doesn't seem logical that head shots would be any more satisfying when you're sporting a pigtail vs. a handlebar mustache, but there you go.
There's just something tremendously empowering about, you know, girl power. And to think, ninety-five years ago girls didn't even have the right to vote. Now they're kickin' A on a daily basis with a rifle as long as a minivan.
I always play the girl in video games . . . eh.
Not really sure what that says about my inner child.
Do I have a latent need to accessorize more than I do? That's the only thing I can think of that makes sense. My wife buys most of my clothes and I usually put on whatever's the least wrinkled in my closet. So, yeah, there's probably some part of me that wants to be more involved in matching my belt to my socks.
Strange how something like a need to accessorize can manifest itself in a desire to virtually strap on tight leather clothes and shoot monsters and bad guys with a sniper rifle. Doesn't seem logical that head shots would be any more satisfying when you're sporting a pigtail vs. a handlebar mustache, but there you go.
There's just something tremendously empowering about, you know, girl power. And to think, ninety-five years ago girls didn't even have the right to vote. Now they're kickin' A on a daily basis with a rifle as long as a minivan.
I always play the girl in video games . . . eh.
October 6, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - so you're standing in a crowd and some stranger asks to borrow your cell phone
This is one of those questions I'm asking from the point-of-view of 20/20 hindsight.
When it happened to me the other day I panicked and ran away from the guy.
Even at the time, panicking and running away seemed like the wrong thing to do, but it was like that one time at Thanksgiving where I forgot to buy cranberry sauce and it was the only thing I was supposed to bring to Thanksgiving but 7-eleven doesn't sell cranberry sauce and if you take cherry Slurpee and add some shredded beef jerky to it to, well, to thicken it, it doesn't taste much like cranberry sauce.
Or so I was told.
I hate cranberry sauce so I didn't try it.
So you're standing in a crowd and some stranger asks to borrow your cell phone . . . eh.
When it happened to me the other day I panicked and ran away from the guy.
Even at the time, panicking and running away seemed like the wrong thing to do, but it was like that one time at Thanksgiving where I forgot to buy cranberry sauce and it was the only thing I was supposed to bring to Thanksgiving but 7-eleven doesn't sell cranberry sauce and if you take cherry Slurpee and add some shredded beef jerky to it to, well, to thicken it, it doesn't taste much like cranberry sauce.
Or so I was told.
I hate cranberry sauce so I didn't try it.
So you're standing in a crowd and some stranger asks to borrow your cell phone . . . eh.
September 29, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - I wonder if seeing a cloud that looks like a severed chicken head is a sign of the Apocalypse
I haven't read the Book of Revelations in a while so I'm not sure what that cloud up there means.
People get all bent out of shape about the Apocalypse but I'm pretty there can be things in the sky that are a sign of something else besides the end of the world.
Store openings, for instance.
Come to think of it, there is a new sunglasses kiosk opening in the mall this weekend. What that has to do with a severed chicken head is anyone's guess.
Seems like poor marketing to me.
I wonder if seeing a cloud that looks like a severed chicken head is a sign of the Apocalypse . . . eh.
People get all bent out of shape about the Apocalypse but I'm pretty there can be things in the sky that are a sign of something else besides the end of the world.
Store openings, for instance.
Come to think of it, there is a new sunglasses kiosk opening in the mall this weekend. What that has to do with a severed chicken head is anyone's guess.
Seems like poor marketing to me.
I wonder if seeing a cloud that looks like a severed chicken head is a sign of the Apocalypse . . . eh.
September 25, 2014
Daily Ambivalence - Mexican drug lords
Sometimes I wonder if the leaders of Mexican drug cartels allow their kids to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. And if they do, I wonder if they take their kids to the store to buy costumes.
I mean, well, of course they take their kids to the store to buy costumes, so that being settled, the next question boils down to costume choice.
If your dad is a Mexican drug lord and you lean towards science fiction, is it more likely that you will fall in the Star Wars camp or Star Trek camp? If fantasy, do you wear school robes on Halloween or elf ears? And if you want to go monster, is it 1930s Universal or scissor hands?
I don't know.
That's the one thing I can't figure out about Mexican drug lords.
Mexican drug lords . . . eh.
I mean, well, of course they take their kids to the store to buy costumes, so that being settled, the next question boils down to costume choice.
If your dad is a Mexican drug lord and you lean towards science fiction, is it more likely that you will fall in the Star Wars camp or Star Trek camp? If fantasy, do you wear school robes on Halloween or elf ears? And if you want to go monster, is it 1930s Universal or scissor hands?
I don't know.
That's the one thing I can't figure out about Mexican drug lords.
Mexican drug lords . . . eh.
